Everythingfeltnumb.

Thec eilingwaspurewhite,andIhadtos quinttoprotectm yeyes

fromhowbrightits eemed.Ifeltdroopy,butm ym indwasnts lowenoughtom akem enot
unawareofwhatwashappeningaroundm e.Iwaslayinginahospitalbedwaitingtogointothe
operationroom.Fors omereason,m ym indkeptwanderingovertowhatwashappeningat
schoolinm ys ixthgradec lass.W erem yfriendsthinkingofm e?DidanyonenoticeIwasgone?
Mym indflashbackstoplayingdodgeballinP.E.Everyonerunningaround.Certain
classmatesgettingtooc ompetitive.Ialwaysfeltparticularlyinvisiblewhenweplayedthisgame.
WhileIwass tandingthere,m yc lassmateswouldthrowtheballandbackupc rashingintom e
ands endingm etothefloor.Insteadofjusthavingtododgetheballs,Iendeduphavingtododge
people,too.Ididntknowifm yteacherwouldannouncetothec lassthatIwasgoingintos urgery
ornot.Partofm ehopeds hewould.Iwantedm yc lassmatestonoticeIwasntinc lass,but
anotherpartofofm edidntwantthemtoknow.Ididntwanteveryones taringatm ewhenIc ame
intos choolafterIrecovered.IfeltlikeIwouldwiltundertheirgaze.
Them edicinem akesheralittleloopy,s os hedoesnts tartpanicking,thenurse
explainedtom yparents.IknewIwasactingabitc hildishwhileIwasgettingc hangedintom y
hospitalgown,butIc oulds topifIwantedto.Nom edicinec ouldm akem eactac ertainway,
right?
Shellgoininaboutfivem inutes.IknowIs houldfeelm orenervous,butIfeel
surprisinglyc alm.Maybethem edicinewasaffectingm yemotions.Is hiftinthebedgazingatm y
parents.Mym otherisrubbingherhandstogethernervously,andm yfathersfingersare
twitching.Theirnervousenergyunsettlesm e.W hyaretheyactingthatway?Imtheoneaboutto
haves urgeryonm ynose.
IrememberthedaywefoundoutIneededs urgery.Ihadgoneintoac ats canafewdays
before.Mym omtookm eintothedoctorsthefirsttimebecauseIc ouldntbreathethroughm y

nose.Duringthenight,IwouldwakeupgaspingforbreathbecauseIwass uffocatinginm y
sleep.Thedoctorwasexplainingwhats hes awinthec ats can.Its eemedIhaddeveloped
somethingc alledpolypsinm ys inuses.W iththemblockingm ynasalpassage,airwasntbeing
abletopassthroughfreely.ForaslongasIc ouldrememberatthetime,Ihadalwaysbreathed
throughm ym outh.Itdidntm akes ensetom ehowthiswasntaproblemuntilnow.Thedoors
openedandm yparentsc ameovertos aygoodbyebeforeIwaswheeledintotheoperation
room.
Dontworry!W ellbewaitingoutherewhenyouc omeout.Theyllputyoutos leep
beforethes urgery,m ym oms oothed.Thenurses tartedpushingm eintotheroom.Thatswhen
Is tartedgettings cared.W ait!Idontwanttogoinalone!T
heoperationroomfeltc old.There
werem achinesandc omputersliningthewalloppositeofthedoor.Therewerelotsofadults
millingaroundwithm asksovertheirfaces.Somedidntevenlookuptoacknowledgem y
entrance.
Thebeds toppeds idebys idewithanarrowtable.Thedoctorshelpedm es cootontoit.I
wantedtowarnthemthatIrolledaroundinm ys leep.Itdidnts eemlikelythatIwoulds tayputon
thetablewhileIwasasleep,andIwasworriedthatIwouldfallontothegroundduringthe
surgery.Asthedoctorandnursess tartedpreppingforthes urgery,Is tartedtopanic.D
idntthey
noticeIwasntasleepy et?W hatiftheys tartedthes urgery,andIwass tillawake?R
ightafterI
thoughtthat,m ym emoriesofbeforethes urgeryended.

Iwatchedoutthewindowasotherkidsinc ostumeswalkedaroundandgatheredas
muchc andyastheyc ouldfromtheneighbors.Iwass tillrecoveringfromm ys urgery.Ahleyana,
mybestfriend,knockedonthedoor.Shec ametogotrickortreatingwithm e.Ihadntm adea
costumeoranything,s oIjustthrewonablackc loakandc alleditgood.MybrothersjokedthatI

wasdressedasadementor.W ithoutalotofenergy,Ic ouldonlym anagetodothes treetIlived

on.W henIlookedinm ybagIwasdisappointedtos eeonlyas mallpileofc andy,butitdidnt
bringm etoodown.Ic ouldalwayss tealc andyfromm yyoungers iblings.Is atonthes tairs
leadingtothefrontdoor.Askidsc ameby,Iwouldputahandfulofc andyintheirbags.Iatethe
candyasIs penttherestofHalloweengivingitaway.
IwasverygratefulforAhleyana.Itwasniceofhertoc omeoverwhileIwasrecovering,
eventhoughIc ouldntdoalotoftrickortreatingwithher.Shebroughts omethingwithherthatI
wasntexpecting.Itwasapileofgetwellc ardsfromm yc lass.Theyhadallm adeac ardwitha
littlenote.AsIlookedthroughthec ards,Is pottedm anyhomemadegameslikec rossword
puzzles.ItwasthefirsttimeIfeltlikeIwasntjustanothergrainofriceintheworld.Ifelt
importantandthec ardsturnedintos omethingpriceless.