Ego States and Neural

Networks
Ego States and neural networks are synonymous terms used to describe
how systems of beliefs, feelings, instructions, coping skills, and behaviors
become automatic "programs" that are stored in the implicit memory of the
subconscious mind -- activated by the brain on cue.
Study this basic information thoroughly, then watch the video at the bottom
of this page to see how you can analyse your own relationship patterns and
make changes as you see fit. (It helps if BOTH people learn this, but it is not
required for changes to be made.)
There a various therapies for effectively working directly with these neural
networks using the language of "right brain" or subconscious mind -- i.e.,
metaphor, symbolism, and analogy. Methods I've found useful include the
following:
Transactional Analysis (TA)
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
Hypnosis and Guided Imagery
Ego-State Therapy
Parts Integration Therapy
Inner Child Therapy
These therapies are complimentary and in some cases must be used in
concert with one another. Ego State therapy, for instance, requires the use
of hypnosis, in most cases, in order to gain access to the network of focus.

Many people come in for counseling because they are in pain. They have
tried everything they could think of to identify and change whatever it is
that that causes the pain -- But to no avail.
When a person does everything they can think of yet the problem remains it
indicates that the problem is at the subconscious level -- you cannot solve a
subconscious problem with a conscious effort.

Transactional Analysis (TA) - Ego

States
Transactional Analysis (TA) was developed by Eric Berne, MD in the
1960's. Originally, TA focused on three ego-states and studied of how
people interact with each other (Interpersonally) from within these states.
Later on a second branch of TA was developed called Structural Analysis.
Structural Analysis studies the interaction between ones own ego states
(Intra-personally) and how that plays out in interactions with others (Interpersonally) -- It's a method of analyzing a persons thoughts, feelings, and
behavior based on ego states.
The three primary Ego-States of TA are the Parent Ego-State, The Adult
Ego-State, and the Child Ego-State.
The Parent neural network, contains the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors
"taken in" from external sources - primarily parents.

Outwardly, the Parent is often expressed towards others

in prejudicial, critical, or nurturing behavior -from Second Position. Inwardly, it's experienced as old
parental messages which continue to influence the inner
Child...some good messages and some limiting to the
person.
The Adult network is not related to a person's age... It's
oriented in the present and can be comparable to a
computer in that it's in charge of executive functioning -i.e., decision-making, problem-solving, etc.
The Adult is organized, adaptable, intelligent, and
functions by testing reality, estimating probabilities, and
computing dispassionately - from Third Position.
The Child ego state contains all the impulses that come
naturally to a child... the Child is creative,
adventuresome, spontaneous, curious, affectionate and so on.
The Child loves to giggle, laugh, have fun and enjoy the simple things in life.
It can also be a "brat" or "whine" when it doesn't get it's way. The Child
lives inFirst Position and is the network that contains our feelings, wants,
and needs.
When you see an seventy year old man sitting on a park bench enjoying an
ice cream cone he's in his Child. When two adults are dancing "like no one
is watching" they are each in their Child.

Ego State Activation

In TA theory, only one ego-state (ES) can be actively in control of the body
at a given time.... When a person is "in their Child" then that ES is
considered "activated"... In Ego-State therapy the term is "in the
Executive".

For example, if you have ever gotten angry, blew up and later felt that your
behavior or reaction was "childish" then you have a good idea of what is
meant by only one ES can have executive control at a time.
The Adult and the Parent ego-states can be "present" in an observing role
during the blow up... but only the activated ES can have executive control of
the body.
When you calmed down and told yourself "that was a childish thing to do",
it was coming from your Parent ES. In TA the term "childish" is never
used... the term "child-like" is used instead.
"Child-like" is a respectful way to acknowledge and "own" the Child ES...
"Childish" is a put down and would come from a "Critical Parent" ES which
we will explore later.
When we are in a certain neural network it makes sense that we can only
operate from within the boundaries of that network. When another network
is "activated" or "takes the executive" it means our awareness has shifted or
re-located to that network.
If you pay attention you will notice that we shift ego states many times a
day... each ES has their own focus, mood and physiology.

Types of Transactions
We can interact with each other from any ES... Anytime one person
recognizes another with a smile, a nod, a frown, a verbal greeting, etc., this
recognition, in TA language, is called a "stroke".
Two or more strokes make a transaction. All transactions can be
classified as complementary, crossed, or ulterior.

Complementary Transactions:

A complementary transaction occurs when a

message, sent from a specific ES, gets the predicted
response from a specific ES in the other person.
For example, if a wife who is grieving her lost friend
is comforted by a sympathetic husband, her
momentary dependency is answered appropriately...
(See diagram)

Crossed Transactions:
When two people stand glaring at each other, turn
their backs on each other, are unwilling to continue
transacting, or are puzzled by what has just occurred
between them, it's likely that they have just
experienced a crossed transaction.
A crossed transaction occurs when an unexpected response is made to the
stimulus. An inappropriate ego state is activated, and the lines of
communication between people are crossed.
At this point people tend to withdraw... turn away from each other... or
switch the conversation in another direction.
If a husband responds from his Child unsympathetically to his grieving
wife..."Well, how do you think I feel?"... he is likely to cause her to turn
away from him.
Crossed transactions are a frequent source of pain between people - parents
and children, husband and wife, boss and employee, teacher and student,
and so forth.

The person who initiates the transaction, expecting a certain response,

doesn't get it - The individual is "crossed up" and often feels discounted and
misunderstood.

Ulterior Transactions:
Ulterior transactions are the most complex...They
differ from complementary and crossed transactions
in that they always involve two or more ego states.
Only one ES controls the body... but another Ego
State is operating in the background and can sometimes be seen in what
NLP calls a state ofSimultaneous Incongruence... One ES may control the
verbal and the other may be seen or heard in the non-verbals.
When an ulterior message is sent, it's disguised under a socially acceptable
transaction... It's as if the activated ES poses as another ES to disguise the
transaction in some way.
If a car salesman says with a leer to his customer, "This is our finest sports
car...but maybe too racy for you," he is sending a message that can be
heard by either the customers adult or child ego state.
If the customers Adult hears, the response may be... "yes, youre right,
considering the requirements of my job." If the customers Child hears,
the response may be "Ill take it. Its just what I want."
In either case, its manipulation crafted by more than one ego state of the
salesman to get a preferred response from the customer... in this case it was
the Adult who may have been consulted by an ego state called the Little
Professor.