July 1, 2016

Savannah Esquivel
FHS 1500

Question
How can parents help their teenagers deal with the conflicts of adolescence?

Answer
I believe there is quite a few ways parents can help their teenagers deal with the conflicts of
adolescence. The key part to helping them deal with it, would be trying to understand it. I have
noticed a lot of teenagers being upset because they don't feel as if anyone understands, that's
including their parents and family. Understanding is a key factor into relationship where both
parties feel respected. Respect is very important as it is a key factor in building trust. As we all
know, trust is the foundation of any meaningful relationship. Really, the best thing that any
parent could do for their kids is to develop this meaning relationship. This relationship starts off
with first parents and kids to know each other. Parents can ask kids their opinions on matters
such as religion, politics, and other controversial agendas because it encourages the kids to think.
Acting as a mentor in these discussions can help your child develop trust in your opinions and
make sure that they understand what you as a parent deem necessary for them to understand.
Getting to know your child also means understanding their character and what drives and
motivates them.

The more common thing is for parents to slam information and force feed opinions down their
child's throat which in fact teaches the kid to do the exact opposite in which the parent is trying
to do. The child is going to want to fight to feel independent. Parent-adolescent relationships
affect every aspect of adolescent development. Disputes are common because the adolescents
drive for independence, arising from biological as well as psychological impulses, clashes with
the parents desire to maintain control (Eisenberg et al., 2008; Laursen & Collins, 2009). (Berger,
2014, p. 361). Instead of having a kid accept everything you say, they end up hating it and
questioning you entirely and doing the exact opposite. This is rule number 1 to bad parenting.
Most parents hate and don't answer the most common question that kids most often ask. How?
By actually taking the time to parent your kids and teach them why something may be so is more
effective, as now your kid has a firm grasp on the whole situation instead of just accepting
commands like a robot. Kids are people, not robots. Once a meaningful relationship is
established you can now make a positive influence in your child's life.

Communication is a key aspect in this as well. Parents need to have actual conversations with
their children. The kids will continue to feel misunderstood if you don't give them a chance to let
you understand them. Not having good communication between the parents and child will likely
turn into explosive angry conversations with a lot of bickering. Having an 80%/20%
conversation seems ideal to me. Meaning if the child is talking, the parent is listening 80% of the
time and giving in topic responses the other 20% of the time. Conversations don't always need to
be like this, but I feel it would absolutely help to have them at times.

In conclusion, my main point on the parents helping the child to deal with the conflicts of
adolescence would be understanding and communication. Just having very good conversations,
and knowing how they are actually feeling will go so far. I think a lot of teenagers only feel
misunderstood, and helping them not feel that way is the best thing a parent could do.

Reference
Invitation to The Life Span. Kathleen Stassen. Page 361.