Youdidntaskforthis,butyouareabouttobecomemyconfessor.Why?

Because
originallyIdraftedanendearing,comingofagetaleaboutcomicbooksteachingmethatwriting
canbefun,butImanagedtolosethatstoryinaseriesofhumoroushappenstancesclumsily
punctuatedbyapproximatelyfiveouncesofmochaspiltacrossalaptopkeyboard.Seriously
though,ImgoingtolayalittletruthbecauseIvecometobelieveitsalwaysbeenmyfavorite
topicofdiscussion.Justpromisenottocheckyourwatchlikethepriestdidthatlasttime.Dont
fret,Imnotgoingtounleashthewholetruthrightnowbecauseyouprobablyhaventhad
enoughcoffeetoendureand,oddsare,wellbeaskedtolookeachotherintheeyeafter.Also,I
dontknowthewholetruth.Iveonlybeenservedmylittlesliceoftruthpie.Nowyouwantcoffee
and
pie.Iwanttowritetruthbecausetruthdoesntfollowrules.Ivespentmostofmylifeplaying
bytherulesandIneedabreakfromofit.Okay,soafewrulesofwritingfollowherewillI.Truth
doesntcomeinaneatlittlepackage.Hell,mostofthetimewhatwebelievetobetrueisa
watereddownversiontaintedbyanger,fear,confusion,denial,orsomemixthereof.LikeGuy
Pearcescharacterin
Memento,
weendupwithacopyfullofselfimposedredactions.Truth
doesntcaretobeperfectlylineareither,soImonlygoingtofollowthenumbersenoughtobe
understoodbecauseconnectingthedotsatrandomiswaymoreinteresting.
Aroundmyfifteenthyearasaperson,astringofbetrayedconfidencesprimarilyinthe
formofsneakedbinderpaperscribblesfoldedintoquarters,butalsopropagatedviathemore
traditionalrumormillcastlightuponthefollowingepiphany:ifyoudontwantanybodytoknow
aboutit,thendontsayitanddontdoit.Ofcourseareasonablyintelligentadultwouldfilethat
gemunder
NoDuh,
butIwasanoverlysensitiveandtrustingandthusfrequentlycrushed
youngmanwhohadtolearnitthehardway.Illforegosobstoriesintheinterestoftime.In
retrospect,itreallywasntallthatbad.Sufficeittosay,forthetwentyyearsbetweenthenand

now,Ivesimplyacceptedthateveryutteranceanddeedhaspublicdomainpotentialfromthe
pointofinception.Evenmoresonowthatinfocondensesinclouds.IdonotmeantosayI
wouldlikeallofmyintimatesbebroadcastworldwidewebfully.Thatwouldbesucha
headacheanddefinitelyembarrassingforthepeopleclosesttome.Itjustmakeslifemore
manageabletobeabletoconfirmordenycitedbehaviorsbasedonconsistentapplicationofa
continuallyrefinedprocessofinternalchecksandbalancesthatultimatelyendwiththe
statement,thatdoes/doesntsoundlikeme.Lesstorememberthatway.ThereasonIhaveto
dothishassomethingtodowithdreams.
Anothertruthinmylifeisthatdreamstakeatoll.Literally.Isometimeswakeup
emotionallyandphysicallyspent.So.Much.Sweat.Andthroughmyrestlessslumber,Itraverse
otherrealities.SomeIexperiencefrommultiplecharactersperspectives.Itslikecutting
betweencameraanglesbutinsteadIleapbetweenconsciousnesses.SomeplacesIrevisitfor
newadventuresandnavigateusingfamiliarlandmarksthatareshimmeringsofplacesyouve
probablyvisited.Once,Ispokeatmyyoungestbrothersfuneralandfelttheheartbreakofhis
loss.HesaliveandaswellascanbeforsomeonelivinginOaklandandtakingtheriskshe
does.Ivestoodattheedgeofanashenwoodwhile,overthesoundofourchildrentumbling
throughthemeadow,mywifewhispersapologiesforpasttransgressions.Itwassweetly
etherealandunburdening.ThatparticularindividualandIpartedwaysfifteenyearsago.Ive
stoodcliffside,overlookingwhatusedtobeanocean,butwhatevercreatedthatbarren
wastelandwasinconsequentialastheheavenswerebeingconsumedbytwo,sky
encompassingcelestialbodiesrapidlyconvergingatmyzenith.Obviouslythatneverhappened.
Yougettheidea.AndIdounderstandthatthisexperienceisnotexclusivetome.But,while
thosekindsofdreamsexasperate,itsactuallythemundanethatcausesthemosttrouble.

Everygreatonceinawhile,dreamscoalescewithmemorytothepointwhereIm
momentarilyuncertainwhetheragiventhingwasrealtoeveryone.Imattimesbrieflyparalyzed
byanecdotesIdistinctlyremembersharingbeforeordiscussingalternateendingstomovies
thatneverhappened.ItslikegettingkickedinthegutbydejavuandspatonwhileImdoubled
over.Incaseyourewondering,theyarentallbad.ThedreamsImean.AndImnotdangerous.
ShouldIhaveledwiththat?ThatslikepointingoutImnotcrazy.Makesthingsweird.
Ultimately,whatallthosedreammaresamounttoisaninvariablefrustrationthatmy
exhaustionfromdreaminghindersmydesiretoliveoutmyaspirations.Ioftenlosemomentum
tobecreativelyproductiveinthisreality.Throughoutmylife,Ivemaintainedareputationasan
artist.Peoplebelieveinmyabilitiesbasedonasparsebodyofwork.Mostonlyknowthatone
thingIdidthatonetimethatimpressedthem.ImupsetthatIveallowedmyselftogothislong
havingsimplyrestedonmyartisticlaurels.PartofthereasonIdontcreate,andImsorryifthis
isdepressing,isthedifficultyconvincingmyselfagivenprojectisworthwhileinthegrand
schemeofthings.SometimesIcantseethepointandwhatIcreate,thoughsuccessfulin
otherseyes,almostneverlivesuptomyownvision.
Speakingofvisions,everysooften,thepowersthatbeallowmeaccesstowhatIve
dubbedtheTruthofaSituation.Certaindiscussionsordeliberationsinmylifehavebroughtme
thesespecialmoments:opportunitiestosnagthreadsonthetapestryoftheuniverse,which
providesadirectlinetoeverywhere.AndItugabit.TheclarityIenjoyfeelssoextremely
abstractandfocusedatthesametime.Difficulttoputintowords,thebestIcandoisdefineitas
anawarenessandembraceofavastnessthatbeginsjustoutsidethewallsofmyself.Oddly,I
veryrarelyexperiencethisinisolation.Someoneelseisusuallywithme.Ipromise,werenot
trippingonacid.Anyway,havingbeenbroughtupintheCatholicChurch,itdidntsurpriseme
thatmyfirstglimpseofspiritualenlightenmentwasassociatedwithachurchrelatedeventit

wasaretreatforteensabouttomakeConfirmationandIthoughtthatswherethesesortof
thingsaresupposedtooccurbutIwasconfoundedbythelackofanyconnectiontoofficial
ritualorceremony.Whathappenedthatweekendhappenedinthesnowandisastoryfor
anothertime.Mostoften,thisoutofbodysensationistriggeredbyhonestandsincere
exchangeswithpeoplewho,atbest,atthetime,Iwouldconsideracquaintances.Perhapsits
simplyeasiertoopenuptosomeonewithwhomyouinvestverylittleemotionalcurrency.I
supposeitfollowsthattheiropinioncarrieslessweightandavoidinghurtfeelingsisntapriority,
butmyrewardfortreatingstrangerswiththedignityandrespectofpureandhonestgestures
hasbothforgedintense,eveniffleeting,andtherapeuticemotionalbondswhileusheringme
throughwatershedstruggles.Isupposeahumanbeingshouldntattempttoexistinthisstateat
alltimesunlesstheirintentistoexistassomethingotherthanhuman.Forthisreason,Ibelieve
itistruethatapersonshouldknowenoughsoasnotbelostintheworld,butshouldnotlose
themselvesinthepursuitofknowing.Mypersonalfortunecookiecutphilosophiesmightnot
comeacrossasprofoundtoyou,butIcanlivewiththat.
Moretruths.Idontgenerallylikewastingtimeorwords.Doingsowiththelatter
indicatesaninabilitytocommunicateeffectively,whichdetractsfromtheavailabilityofthe
former.Byandlarge,thispertainstospeakingbeforelargegroupsbecauseIvenoticedthat
peoplelistenwhenItalk.Iknowathingortwoaboutwords,butwouldntcallmyselfagreat
writerIenjoysketchingouttruthsItellmyselfwillbecomelyricstosongsIllsomedayrecord.
OutsideofthefearthatIvewastedtime,Imonlyafraidformykids.Imnosuperhero,butIll
gladlytakeonthegreatestofevilstoprotectmyfamily.TheyshinebrighterthanevenIcould
havedreamt,andIdreamttheoldestonebeforeshewasborn.Whiletheyarethegreatestof
mycontributionstothisworld,thatdoesntprecludeotherprojectsfromcomingtofruition.Ican
sculptjustaboutanythingfromcardboardandducttape,orwhateverislyingaround.Ivehad

multiplepeopletellmeIshouldalwayshaveacamerainmyhandsandthatIshouldplayina
band.Imtryingtogetbetteratacceptingcompliments.Iactuallydohaveonesuperpower.
Peoplecantstaymadatme.Itsthesincerity.ForthisreasonItryandfailtonotbeahypocrite.
AndIdoknowmylimitations.Forexample,youdontwanttoseemedancewithoutacoupleof
drinksinme.AfterIvehadafew,Ihearitsquiteentertaining.
Thisfeelslikeagoodjumpingoffpoint.Theresnothingtoconcludebecausememories
constantlyshapeandIbelievetheystillexistoutthere.Somewhere,overtherainbow,sixor
sevenyearoldmejustgotpermissiontosiftthroughseveralboxesofbackissuesstackedto
theleftinmyunclesdustycloset.Hisfeetdangleoverthefootofabedandashecarefully
turnsthepages,lestoneoftherotatingfansblowacreasemidpageandhisprivilegesbe
revoked.Thetruthis,Iwantpeopletoknowme.Nottobefamous,buttobeknown.Andwhile
wearentfriendsyet,andmightneverbe,nowyouknowsomethingofme.Iwantyouto
believeyoucancountonmetolisten,advise,lead,orgotothematsforyoushouldtheneed
arise.Thatis,ifyoucantellmethetruthofyoursituation.