Hurry up and read this, Iʼm about to sign an NDA!

www.disasteronheels.com

Some of you may recall the Cinco de Mayo Initiative, my response to a question
submitted through the blog by Roses and Thorns. He has continued to email me. End
result, we are meeting in NYC tomorrow, and while Iʼm not sure Iʼm going to get dinner,
Iʼm pretty sure Iʼll wind up with custody of his dog.

_____________________________________________________________________

Dearest Ms. DoH,

Thank you for prompt and acerbic response.

Rhetorically, you inquired whether we had ever had the pleasure of intersecting. I have
no rejoinder save for: do you despise rhetorical questions as much as i do?

Iʼd wager no.

For the fact remains, had we had the pleasure of spending an evening together you
certainly would have linked to my wiki “how to” page by now:

http://www.wikihow.com/French-Kiss

But thatʼs nothing more than the menu before the meal, which probably doesnʼt surprise
you given my pre-meal tactics that you so roundly dismissed. I actually encourage
people in general to make out more. Imagine if making out replaced the greeting of the
handshake or if first dates started with a kiss? Organizations like feedthedate.org and
the snack fund initiative would cease to exist and I bet you tequila and Corona sales
would go down as people become more confident and satisfied in their intimate
relationships.

My results oriented approach seems to have touched a nerve, and not in the way I
generally like to touch. You got me thinking about my carbon footprint. I know I canʼt
change the past but I am environmentally conscious and I want to have a positive
impact on the future.

Which is why I wanted to ask you to dinner. I happen to know of a culinarily exquisite
establishment not far from my home in Brooklyn that Iʼm certain would FEMA your heels
issues (yes I just used FEMA as a verb) as well as highlight a much longed for trip to the
east coast.

Iʼve penciled you in for May 28th.

Looking forward to meeting you,
Roses and Thorns

_____________________________________________________________________

Dear R.A.T.,

You had me at “dinner.” May 28th it is. I shall meet you at the aforementioned exquisite
establishment. Iʼll be the hot one with the rape whistle.

I look forward to making out with you.

Yours,

Disaster

_____________________________________________________________________

Dear Disaster,

Iʼve never really self-identified as a “hot girl w/rape whistle” type of guy, but recently
thatʼs become somewhat of a recurring leitmotif in my social life.

How amusing!

Just to nail down some details: when do you arrive in our fair city? I gleaned from my
world-wide-web reconnaissance (I really hate the term “cyber-stalking”) that you will be
hosting a DoH event Thursday in the East Village. Group outings are less than ideal for
first dates, but Friday the 28th finds me in upstate NY for the long weekend.

Pray tell you are available Wednesday?

R&T
_____________________________________________________________________

Dear RAT,

What a most unfortunate situation. I arrive late on Wednesday night. However, I will be
staying with a friend in Brooklyn, and if youʼre up for it, perhaps we could meet for a
drink around 9:30/10 when I get in? Is that too late for you? I donʼt know if you have to
get up early to chop up women…

In the meantime, I really hope you and your roving pack of rapist friends are planning to
attend on Thursday. We need male representation.
Yours,
DoH
_____________________________________________________________________

Similar to slipping your feet into a pair of those new Rem Koolhaas label shoes, why
donʼt you try this idea on for size.

Ask your host what neighborhood in Brooklyn would be most convenient for an evening
of one too many drinks.

Iʼll pick a proximate place.

As an additional, gentle, suggestion, I recommend we each bring a chaperone (yes,

double first dates are lame, but in this instance itʼs probably not the worst idea).

I donʼt want you trying to take advantage of me, and the wheels have been know to fall
off our Wednesday nights in the city.

R
_____________________________________________________________________

RAT,
I spoke with my friend and sheʼs willing to serve as a chaperone, but only during the
slow songs. Entirely up to you, but I do see how this could be to your advantage. Iʼve
done some FB “reconnaissance” of my own, and it appears that you either have (or
have access to) a puppy. I think this innocence bodes well for my general safety, and I
look forward to taking advantage of you.
_____________________________________________________________________

D,

I do have a new puppy!! Her name is Lady Gaga [readerʼs note: I have changed the
name to protect the identity of the dog] and as the vet said “she is going to be her own
woman.” No surprise there – just like all the other women in my life.

Letʼs grab a tequila shot in the hood. There are lots of great places. I have also
discussed options with my life coach/chaperone and he is available around 10ish. I
would generally like to have him along because he make me look taller but I think I can
hold my own with a Mainer (I have sources outside of FB). I love making out in my duck
boots.

R&T
_____________________________________________________________________

RAT,
Sorry for the delay. Being a disaster is exhausting.

Congrats on fatherhood. I look forward to tequila and having to look at hundreds of

pictures of your dog and hearing about how smart she is.

Similar to your life coach, I rarely leave the house without my stylist. She is also
available at 10, and will be awaiting my arrival with a spray tan.

See you Wed.

_____________________________________________________________________

D-
No worries. The extra couple of days were perfect. It allowed my lawyer to draft a solid
first date contract. It is a pretty standard NDA regarding proprietary dating methods as
well as some language on protecting my identity etc. You can never be to safe these
days. The last thing I need is more woman asking me to buy them tequila shots and
make out with them at the bar. Do you want to have your lawyer review it prior to Wed?

I worked on puppy scrap book all weekend. I can also bring the memory box I started
for her?

As for Wed, there is nothing hotter than spray tan (l am from NJ) but my life coach
recommended you leave the stylist at home.

-R&T

_____________________________________________________________________

Roses and Thorns,

I will need to review this NDA at your earliest convenience. I have notified my attorney
and she is adamant about approving anything I sign. She is also insistent about
including a clause nullifying the contract in the event you are, in fact, a serial killer. (And
of course another clause about how anything that includes a “clause” will wind up on the
blog with 100% certainty).

Per your memory box and scrapbook, Iʼm sure itʼs very masculine due to the use of bold
fonts and primary colors, but Iʼm not interested. Itʼs just so trite. I canʼt tell you how
many guys I have dated have brought these on first dates. That said, the guy who
builds a doggy diorama… now, thatʼs something.

Thank you for forwarding the contract.

_____________________________________________________________________

Dear Disaster,

I am having my assistant send out an outlook meeting invite and a conference call dial
in #. Please forward this to your lawyer(s). I will be dialing in as the host along with my
advisory council and legal team. I ask that you please use your full name when dialing
in so we can have an accurate attendance.

Please send me a valid business address for the first draft of the contract. No PO Box
#s.

Thanks,
Roses & Thorns
_____________________________________________________________________

From my attorney to the legal counsel of R&T, Inc. (who happened to go to law
school together)

I understand there are some outstanding issues to be resolved before the upcoming
meeting of our clients on Wednesday, May 26, 2010. As you are aware, mergers of this
sort are not my specialty, but when it comes to suing your pants off, I excel.

I am sure that neither you nor your client wishes for any false steps to turn the
auspicious promise of tequila drinks into a long, drawn out litigation nightmare between
two legal powerhouses. Thus, I trust that in conducting his due diligence your client will
hereafter include me in all correspondence related to Wednesdayʼs meeting and that
you will not, in any way, seek to communicate with my client without her lawyer.

I regret that the first time we meet as professionals, we are at opposite sides of the
negotiation table. I can only presume you now regret lending me your excellent outlines
in Contracts.

Sincerely,

Sister of DoH
_____________________________________________________________________

From opposing counsel (received today)

Thank you for the Notice of Entry of Appearance.

I take your letter as evidence that you and your client are unwilling to follow the original
directions provided by my client in an email dated, May 24, 2010, regarding a kick off
meeting to discuss a memorandum of understanding. I am certain that it is in the best
interest of all parties that our clients execute the attached Non-disclosure Agreement in
order to avoid any “long drawn out litigation”. This letter supersedes all prior letters
between the parties and serves as a withdrawal of my clientʼs offer of a “kick off
meeting”.

Please sign the attached agreement in duplicate and return to my address below. If by
chance there are any comments, please send them directly to me by close of business,
as defined by 5 PM EST May, 25th, 2010.

This NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT (this “Agreement”) is made and entered into

as of May 25, 2010 by and between Roses and Thorns (“R&T), of Brooklyn, New York,
on his own behalf, and on behalf of any subsidiaries, Disaster on Heels (“DoH”), of
Chicago, Illinois, (hereinafter each a “Party” and together the “Parties”).

For good and valuable consideration, the receipt and sufficiency of which is herby
acknowledged, the Parties hereto agree as follows.

1. Purpose: The Parties wish to discuss potential business opportunities and future
engagements between the Parties, including but not limited to at least one (1) shot
of bottom shelf tequila and an amicable make out session. High quality tequila and
hickies shall not be made available during this business meeting. During said
discussions, food or snacks shall be made available as soon as reasonably
practicable following the receipt of a signed written request by a Party for such food
or snacks from the other Party. Such request may be in the form of a text message,
email, or hand written note. The Parties acknowledge that during the course of said
discussions each Party may disclose Confidential Information, as hereinafter
defined, to the other and wish to enter into this Agreement to limit the use of such
Confidential Information.

2. Confidential Information: For purposes of this Agreement, “Confidential

Information” shall include all information, whether verbal or oral, that has or could
have commercial value or other utility in the dating business in which the disclosing
Party is engaged. This includes kissing techniques, dialogue and attire. All
techniques, methods and interaction shall not be “posted,” “blogged” or “shared”
without the prior written consent of the other Party.

3. Integration: This Agreement expresses the complete understanding of the parties

with respect to the subject matter and supersedes all prior proposals, agreements,
representations and understandings. This Agreement may not be amended except
in a writing signed by both Parties. This Agreement may be signed in counterpart
and each counterpart shall be taken as a complete Agreement.

By her signature below, DoH agrees that it will not reveal any details of the proposed
transaction to any other person without the express written consent of R&T, will not
release to any other person any communications or other materials received from R&T
regarding the proposed transaction, and will destroy all copies of such information and
other materials at the request of R&T. Nothing in this letter is intended to prevent DoH
from disclosing information to the extent it is required by any law, rule or regulation or by
any subpoena or similar judicial or administrative order.
Signature: Signature:

DISASTER ON HEELS ROSES & THORNS

_____________________________________________________________________

Needless to say, I am not entirely pleased with this contract. So I had my attorney
send this:

Thank you for transmitting the NDA. We are largely pleased with the agreement,
subject to one comment explained below.

First, noticeably absent is the Serial Killer Clause (“SKC”) explicitly requested by my
client in an email dated May 24, 2010. We take this as an indication that you are
unwilling to agree to such a provision. You should be informed that the SKC is a
standard inclusion in every NDA signed by my client. Nonetheless, in the interest of
demonstrating our willingness to contract and my clientʼs eagerness for a shot of
tequila, we are willing to offer inclusion of a “High Maintenance Clause” in exchange for
inclusion of the requested SKC. Therefore, the transmitted NDA includes the following
two clauses:

4. Serial Killer Clause: R&T affirms, warrants, and guarantees that he is not a serial
killer. This Agreement shall be nullified if R&T is determined to be a serial killer.
Evidence of serial killing shall include but is not limited to: not calling, texting, or
emailing within three days of first tequila shot despite displaying heightened interest in
DoHʼs family life, childhood and/or future vacation plans during first meeting; possession
of more than two cats or one or more pet ferrets; possession of one or more convictions
for felony murder.

5. High Maintenance Clause: DoH affirms, warrants, and guarantees that she is not
high maintenance. This Agreement shall be nullified if DoH is determined to be high
maintenance. Evidence of high maintenance shall include but is not limited to: wearing a
bumpit; treating price, brand, or fit of blue jeans as a valid topic of conversation;
complaining of quality of tequila; failing to self-nourish before engagement if necessary
to avoid extreme drunkenness.

We trust that these new provisions will be satisfactory to you and your client. We will
sign and transmit a copy of the attached NDA upon your approval.

My client looks forward to making out with your client in good faith.

General Counsel, DoH