To whom it may concern,

It troubled me deeply that my latest book was unceremoniously dropped from the
nationwide chain of Barnes & Noble book stores. These moves were largely a surprise, and I can
only guess that the decision was made in recent light of events where I was unfairly accused of
being both homophobic and an incompetent psychologist whose books are lacking common
sense. I assure you this is not the case.
I would first like to address the growing media scandal that has plagued the launch of my
most recent book Homosexual Children on the Verge of Nuclear Disaster. The book puts forward
an insightful look into the current state of LGBT children in America and asks the question no
one else is asking: why are all these kids today just so gay? As both a foremost child
psychologist of my country club and a straight man, I believe I am uniquely qualified to analyze
why gay children these days are so vocal and proud of their sexuality.
Needless to say, it disturbed me greatly to read reviews that condemned my latest book as
homophobic. Let me set the record straight: my book is not suggesting that parents should love
their gay children any less; instead, it is merely positing the fact that dealing with gay children is
such a hassle for parents. In the golden age of the fifties, parents didnt have to deal with such
distractions. Instead, a conservative society didnt allow for such individualistic expression of
thoughts and feelings, and look what we got accomplished! Parents are already overworked
enough as it is in this troubled world, and perhaps gay children should stop being so selfish and
think about their loved ones before pawning their crisis of sexual identity onto others.
Of course, the media misinterpreted such complex thought by a master of psychology,
and immediately denounced all of my works as flawed, egocentric, and rhetorically and
structurally similar to Hitlers Mein Kempf. I would like to reaffirm that these books have been

scientifically proven to be true: I performed all the studies myself in a world renowned Mexican
hospital1.
Particular scrutiny has befallen my second book, Boys Adrift. To set the record straight:
the book is not a failed attempt at a young adult novel about teenage boys on a melting iceberg
but instead a look into this current disinterested generation of boys. As both a father and a
winning personality, there is no other explanation for why my male children dont want to hang
out with me besides the fact that they are unmotivated and possibly gay. Look, I may never
know, but I do know that Im not the one to blame.
Throughout my career, Ive only tried to warn Americas parents about the potential
threats to their families and how they could solve everything by trusting my word as sacrosanct.
Through bookstores, I am able to distribute my vast knowledge to parents and their cash to my
wallet. Bookstores like Barnes & Noble an integral part of Americas future and the sole way of
obtaining knowledge in this modern age. It is in this vein that I ask you to return Homosexual
Children on the Verge of Nuclear Disaster to bookshelves across the nation.
Unapologetic,

Dr. Leonard Sax, PhD, MD, DBD, MTV, LOL

1 That hospital has unfortunately closed and isnt recognized by Google so dont even try to look

it up. Trust me its legit.