perfect fog

kr

perfect fog
phase ii
book 11
2016
font: athelas regular

___________________________________
full definition of brain fog / doming:
brain fog may be described as feelings of mental confusion or lack of mental
clarity. it is called brain fog because it can feel like a cloud that reduces your
ability to think clearly. it can cause a person to become forgetful, detached and
often discouraged and depressed. it usually is present most of the time,
meaning it does not come and go.

__________________________

doming its a common

happening an unusual
fog becoming a usual
clouding i cant help it
nor live with it a mind
smoking and fuming
without any fire to
extinguish

perfect fog

~~~
how we interact with the outside world
(text sound images)
depersonalization / body dysmorphia
leaving the party in tears
faith
spoken word poetry night at the ship
butterfly knives & ironic text on panties
there is nothing left 2 do
cool
i know every blemish on every inch of my skin
daily mental relocations
outro

how we interact with the outside world

its time to grow out of this
4 years and every day
was missed
constantly foggy, eyes set
on a clearing beaming
from some distance
far enough away from
this miserable existence
i
could be a good inch from the inside of my own head
i
think there is empty space between my face and myself
a set of legs more like stilts
i cant feel them and its scary
because i know exactly how
they felt
before this shit started happening
depersonalized or derealized
the distinction does not matter
the only thing the label has ever
identified is that the former is much
like the latter
and i keep on getting sadder

(text sound images)

to escape the body
free of flesh, spirit wide
& wildly, never groggy
never needing rest
an organized mess
completely opposite
of myself, entirely

depersonalization / body dysmorphia

if this brain wasnt so terrible
perhaps this body would be
bearable
one of the two functioning
the way that they should
one of the two fucking
working like i was told
they would

leaving the party in tears

i dreamt the sun came
out of its socket and rolled
closer & closer to earth
until it missed and left us
completely
a new, bigger & brighter
sun was installed in its
place
as our old star, helpless &
alone, tumbled further into
space

faith
the last note on the slide said:
we must be more than billiard balls
randomly crashing into one another
the class ended before the professor
ever gave us a proper answer
__
i have very little faith
in the idea of fate, things
seem to happen in the way
that they just happen to
a little too soon or a little too late
and the universe has never been
known for acknowledging mistakes

spoken word poetry night at the ship

some sound escapes the
poorly executed fence
of a fist, he botched his
attempt to clench a bunch
of air, a hope of pocketing
some voice to share with
himself when she is not
there
he blared GODSPEED YOU!
just to fill a room that was too
daft to produce a noise native
to itself
silence looms, leaves and nears
same with stories of sorry and
worries of doom
the room clears and then disappears
and so
so the

and
spoken word
goes
but i cannot write like that
no, for a matter of fact
i cannot write at all anymore

butterfly knives & ironic text on panties

when i was younger i never really
considered the alternative of love
loneliness looked dark, clammy and claustrophobic
an enormous open space utterly suffocating
you could choke on nothing there
if you spoke no one would hear
it was easily my biggest fear
but ive grown now and ive found out that loneliness
is never really dark or clammy or claustrophobic
it exists in the weirdest, warmest places
it can take on the most unique form
with the most surprising of all being you

there is nothing left 2 do

i finally got used to being alone
im finally okay with it all
and now i find loneliness
wherever i go
wherever i am
in a crowded, black friday mall
in a tiny, graffitied bathroom stall, even
in the bedroom where you looked so small
i finally got used to being alone

cool
its hard being yourself
when you get confused
for everyone else
an uninteresting face complete
with an uninterested look
half hidden by a beard and shaggy hair
cephalization of no sensation to a ghost head,
this body lost in plaid

i know every blemish on every inch of my skin

spend 2 hours on the bathroom floor
making convincing arguments that i am
indeed yours
i do not want to see florescent light anymore

daily mental relocation

i belong to a place
and yes, that place
is a far bit aways
but i am promised
to that space
the place where your fingers
end and the sky continues as
you try to extend your reach
where clouds crawl unto your
arms and the perfect fog dissolves
into your skin and pales your cheeks
no matter where it is
no matter if the drive is long
i belong to a place and
that place beckons strong

outro
in my head youve already left
every way imaginable
how you move to the exit,
the only independent
variable














































perfect fog arranged 2016

poems 2013-2016