BROS G

BEHAVYIN!!!
BADL
s
of Your Hnilas riou
4 Pageson
io
C fess

Gold
Medal

Ashley Graham
On Church, Sex, and
Self-Love

SEXY
SUMMER
SKIN
ALL THE

The Best
Workout
for Your
B
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EASY
MONEY
4 Ways
to Get
Cash Fast

FIXES YOU
NEED FOR
A FRESH,
FLAWLESS
FACE

Seductive

What Were We Even Fighting About?!

STOP THE DUMB ARGUMENTS

cosmopolitan.com

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AU G U S T 2 016

i n eve r y i s s u e
10

COVER
S TORIES
25

74
88

106
146

151

164

182

Bros Behaving
Badly!!!
4 Pages of Your
Hilarious
Confessions
Seductive Beauty
Sexy Summer
Skin
All the Fixes You
Need for a Fresh,
Flawless Face
The Best Workout
for Your Boobs
Ashley Graham
On Church, Sex, and
Self-Love
Gold-Medal Sex
How to Cross
the Finish Line
Together!
What Were We
Even Fighting
About?!
Stop the Dumb
Arguments
Easy Money
4 Ways to Get
Cash Fast

21 Things to Do
This Month
14 Cosmotivation
20 From the Editor
22 In Her Own Words
184 Horoscope
186 Bitch It Out!/
Shopping
Information
188 Cosmo Quiz:
How Sentimental
Are You?

FE ATURE S
116 Stop the Absanity

REGAN CAMERON

The thirst for a

six-pack is so real.
DRESS, Michael
Kors Collection.
EARRINGS, Pearl
Collective.
POINTE SHOES,
Mistys own

CONTENTS
CULTURE
CRUSH
31 Mr. August

33
34

38
42

His bod is bananas.

Fun, Fearless
Fail!
Hot! vs. Huh?
#RealTalk
Please Dont Call
Me Maam
Cosmo Reads
My Story
How to Choose a
Man When Youre
Married to a
Woman

S T YLE

166

Hot-Weather
Beauty Hacks
94 Skip Styling,
Sleep In!
140 Shape Up Your
Skin

LOVE LUS T

Enter to Win It!

154 Sex Q&A

157 The Hus(s)tle
158 Ask Him

YOU COULD BE CARRYING THIS BILL BLASS BAG

FILLED WITH THE SEASONS LATEST BEAUTY
PRODUCTS! ENTER FOR A CHANCE TO WIN AT
COSMOPOLITAN.COM/BILLBLASS2016.
SEE PAGE 187 FOR DETAILS.

BODY

160 My Husband

87

Your Weekend
Wardrobe
Off-duty #OOTDs
58 Just Look at
That Face
The one on your
wrist!
64 Fun, Fearless
Finds Under $50
Patchwork denim
130 Take Flight
Misty Copeland is
making moves.
47

Fitness Buzz
Why sports make
you smarter
110 Food Buzz
WTF is nitro coffee?
112 Happiness Buzz
The best excuse for
doing nothing
114 Body News
71 All-Out Lashes
What you need to
76 Do You Really
know about the new
Need an Eye
STI
Cream?
124 I Have Cancer
82 $10, Tops!
Again...and I
84 6 Makeup
Made a Huge
Mistakes, Solved!
Decision
99

BE AUT Y

SPF 365
WEAR IT
E VERY DAY !

Your Best Summer Skin

Cosmo + Olay team up to help you slay
the summer skin-care game (88).

Anything
Died Saving
Our Son
162 Manthropology
166 Deal With the
Downers in
Your Life

WORK &
M0NE Y
173 What Really

Happens to Your
Career After You
178

180

N I C K O N K E N . B E A U T Y S T I L L S : J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D . B A G : B E N G O L D S T E I N / S T U D I O D , S T Y L I S T: S A B R I N A
G R A NDE . S E E PAG E 18 6 FO R S HOPPIN G INFO R M AT IO N.

32

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42 curated couture shades

1. F E E L T H E
BUTTERFLIE S
with Ralph
Laurens Tender Romance,
inspired by
first love (from
$45, ralph

2. DEFINE SQUAD GOALS

with the badass cast of

antihero superhero flick
Suicide Squad (Aug. 5).

LOUNGE more
beautifully in
Thalia Sodis
new pjs and
intimates for
Macys ($30,
macys.com).

4. GLOW in

5. FESS UP in the Truth

Booth traveling videoconfessional installa-

8. SOAK UP every

Snap of the Rio

Olympics, from
opening to closing ceremony
(Aug. 5 to 21).

6 . S H O W some
love on National
Sisters Day (Aug.
7), whether your
sis is the Gigi to
your Bella or the
Kim to your Kylie.

S Y N C the One Light keyboard with lessons on its companion app to master the keys ($300, smartpiano.com).

10 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

C L O C K W I S E F R O M B O T T O M R I G H T: G E T T Y I M A G E S ; C O U R T E S Y S M A R T P I A N O ; G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 2 ) ; C O U R T E S Y R A L P H L A U R E N ; A A R O N P/
B AU E R- G R I F F I N .C O M ( 2 ); G S N Y/ S P L A S H N E W S; C O U R T E S Y M AC Y S; C O U R T E S Y L A N C M E ; C O U R T E S Y T R U T H B O O T H .

Lancmes
Teint Idole
Ultra Cushion
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($47, lancomeusa.com).

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Allergy Tested.100% Fragrance Free.

18

15.

Someone

FIRST HIT: When I was

14, I wrote a song called
Spider, about a spider
that lived in my windowsill.
I think those were
my most profound lyrics,
actually. I peaked!

10. DONT BRING

the kiddos to Seth

Rogens raunchy
wiener-in-buns animated film, Sausage
Party (Aug. 12).
16. SMIZE away in
Mary Kays Runway
Bold Collection
eye palette ($25,
marykay.com).

11. SEE who snags

the most Moonmen
when the VMAs
head back to NYC
(Aug. 28, MTV).

DiscoId put on Supertramp or Elton John and

clear the dance floor.

BUZZKILL: I was famous for

ruining the vibe at parties

when I was 15, 16. Everyone was listening to
50 Cent and Panic! At the

BEST ADVICE: Dont try to

make every record you

want to make in the one
record youre making.
SERGIO KLETNOY

12. TUNE IN for WE

Day, the celebpacked event where

theres no minimum
age to change
the world (Aug. 28,
ABC).
13. SPLIT UP the

boys club. Breaking

Bads Anna Gunn
takes on the dudedominated finance
17. THROW BACK to the 70s with The Get

Down, Baz Lurhmanns Netflix series on

NYCs electrifying music scene (Aug. 12).

19

20

21

AMERICAN AUTHORS

BROODS Sibs Caleb

and Georgia Nott
tap fan/fellow Kiwi
Lorde as cowriter
for a track on new
album Conscious.

SHURA The Londoner was born in

91, but with her
80s-tinged debut,
Nothings Real, she
couldve fooled us.

Do not pass Go on a
summer road trip
without these rockers What We Live
For on your playlist.

VISIT
FINDYOURPARK
.COM FOR
MORE INFO.

14 . H I T U P all the national parks you can Aug. 25 to 28: Admission fees are waived to celebrate the NPSs 100th b-day.

12 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P R I G H T: S I M O N E M M E T T; C O U R T E S Y I N T E R S C O P E ; C O U R T E S Y C A P I T O L R E C O R D S ; C O U R T E S Y I S L A N D R E C O R D S ;
G E T T Y I M AG E S ; M Y L E S A R O N O W I T Z / N E T F L I X ; C O U R T E S Y M A R Y K AY; B E N G O L D S T E I N / S T U D I O D ; C O U R T E S Y D I O R .

mer in islandready shades

by Rihanna for
Dior (Dior
boutiques).

UL

LEN

NT HO NY

SHOW US
YOUR COSMO
How does Cosmo
fit into your life?
Instagram or tweet
your photo to
@Cosmopolitan
and include
#MyCosmo.
If we feature you
in the mag, well
give you $50!

JON ES
M AT T G R E V E

RYA N LO C
HT

ICH

AE L P HEL P
AT

F
HAN
TO

S
NA

G
OM

YO

14
FO
G

O
R
TH
E

A. YONA KNIGHT-WISDOM; B. ANTHONY ERVIN; C. MATT GREVERS; D. MICHAEL PHELPS; E. NATHAN ADRIAN; F. TOM DALEY; G. RYAN LOCHTE; H. CULLEN JONES

LD

C
D

A D RI A N

K NI
G H T- W I
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DA L

SD

OLYMPIC GAMES

TELL US
HOW YOU
REALLY FEEL
E-mail Inbox
@Cosmopolitan
.com, visit
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.com to comment,
or tweet us
@Cosmopolitan.

I had to pause my
@Cosmopolitan
Snapchat review because
Im on FaceTime
with @BrodyJenner
4 hours later.

COSMO
#VIEWS

EY

Okay,
@Cosmopolitan.
Ill do
what you say.
#Summer
Saturdays
#ArizonaLife
#MyCosmo
@HANN_SICHTING

This article from

@Cosmopolitan is
so on point
Not gonna lie,
@Instagram has
definitely influenced a majority
of my beauty
must-haves, tips,
and tricks
#MyCosmo

@AMBERALLURE
CUPCAKES

Lovin Junes
edition of
@Cosmopolitan
@ShayMs
social tricks are
most definitely
a must-try.
Magazine on

@BLANCASUSANNE

O LY M P I C G A M E S : G E T T Y I M AG E S ( 14 ), WAY N E J O N E S /A P P H O T O, DAV I D G R AY/ R E U T E R S . P R AT T: G E T T Y I M AG E S . I N S TAG R A M S : C O U R T E S Y U S E R S . T W E E T S , I N S TAG R A M S , A N D S H O W U S YO U R C O S M O E N T R I E S M AY H AV E B E E N E D I T E D F O R L E N G T H A N D C L A R I T Y.

WA R N I N G : S O M E R E A D E R S H AV E R E C E I V E D E- M A I L S F R O M P E O P L E P R E T E N D I N G T O B E F R O M C O S M O P O L I TA N, C L A I M I N G T O B E L O O K I N G F O R N E W M O D E L S A N D R E Q U E S T I N G P E R S O N A L I N F O. T H E S E E- M A I L S A R E A S C A M YO U M AY WA N T T O R E P O R T T H E M T O L O C A L
L AW E N F O R C E M E N T. T H E C O N T E N T O F A L L S U B M I S S I O N S ( I N C L U D I N G L E T T E R S A N D P H O T O G R A P H S ) S H O U L D B E O R I G I N A L A N D B E C O M E S P R O P E R T Y O F C O S M O P O L I TA N, W H I C H R E S E R V E S T H E R I G H T T O R E P U B L I S H A N D E D I T A L L C O R R E S P O N D E N C E R E C E I V E D. B Y
M A K I N G A S U B M I S S I O N , YO U G UA R A N T E E T H AT YO U P O S S E S S A L L N E C E S S A R Y R I G H T S T O G R A N T T H E M AT E R I A L T O C O S M O P O L I TA N.

@VelvetGrunge
@Cosmopolitan THANK YOU for the SPF section in the
June mag!! So helpful and informative

Editor-in-Chief

JOANNA COLES
CONTRIBUTORS Anna Breslaw;

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This tiki tipple from Chicagos

Three Dots and a Dash gets its
summertime feel from muddled
pineapple and Caribbean
rum. Jessie Burtons new novel,
The Muse, gives off similar
vibes as it follows a Caribbean
migr at a London art gallery
in the 1960s.
Muddle 3 1-inch pineapple cubes
in a shaker. Pour in 1 oz. Ron
del Barrilito 2 Star rum, oz.
Gnpy des Alpes liqueur, oz. lime juice,
and oz. Marie Brizard Crme De
Cacao white. Add ice, shake, and strain.
Top with an edible orchid.

THE MUSE
(ECCO) HITS
SHELVES ON
JULY 26.

16 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

DEPUTY ART DIRECTORS

SENIOR MARKET EDITORS

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A L L I E K I R C H E R . S T Y L I S T: FA B I E N N E L E R O U X .

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CREATIVE DIRECTOR Theresa Griggs
EXECUTIVE MANAGING EDITOR

MAKEUP ARTISTS BEST-KEPT SECRET:

PRIME FIRST TO BOOST LASHES

INTRODUCING VOLUMINOUS PRIMER

NEW
INSTANTLY FULLER & LONGER LASHES
NOURISHES & CONDITIONS
WORKS WITH YOUR MASCARA

MASCARA ONLY

lorealparisusa.com
2016 LOral USA, Inc.

PRIMER + MASCARA

SVP/Publishing Director, Chief Revenue Officer

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18 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

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Editor, Serbia Nasja Veljkovic Editor, Slovenia Manca Campa
Pavlin Editor, South Africa Cathy Lund Editor, Spain Ana
Urea Editor, Thailand Pimsiri Jaiya Editor, Turkey Ozlem
Kotan Editor, Ukraine Editor, Vietnam

Snack
of the Month

Chocolate
Oranges
Fact: Orange slices slathered
in chocolate and sprinkled
with sea salt are still technically
fruit. Melt chocolate chips
in a microwave-safe bowl, then
dip, sprinkle, and let slices
cool on wax paper.

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Wisdom Media LLC; 214-526-3800

DETROIT REPRESENTATIVE Colleen Maiorana,
Maiorana + Partners; 248-546-2222

FROM THE EDITOR

Feeling a bit
like the BFG
on the set of
our shoot with
Misty Copeland.
Highlight of

In

Media Award
Magazine Overall

Laverne Cox,
Mariah Carey,

This

THIS COSMO
BEAUTY AWARD
WINNER GAVE ME
LIFE DURING MY
TRIP TO BEIJING.
CANT LEAVE
HOME WITHOUT
IT NOW.

COSMOPOLITAN EDITOR JOANNA COLES SHARES

HER OBSESSIONS THIS MONTH. FOR MORE,
FOLLOW @JOANNACOLES.
#RealEditorsLife

A quick way to make your work space

or ofce feel like your own is with a
signature scent. Nests Grapefruit
diffuser makes budget meetings in my
ofce a little less painful.

THE CHIC-NESS

My assistant
Heather Passaros subscription
to Rent the Runway Unlimited
makes every
day a fashion
show. So fun!
($139 a month,
renttherunway
.com)

20

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Shift dress,
Marni, retail
$1,500

Cherry blossom
jumpsuit, Corey,
retail $257

Navy jumpsuit,
Slate & Willow,
retail $245

Shift dress,
Tory Burch,
retail $450

Floral dress,
Suno, retail
$695

NEST FRAGRANCES Grapefruit Reed

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C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P L E F T: R E G A N C A M E R O N ; G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 5 ) ; C O U R T E S Y
G L A A D ; C O U R T E S Y N E S T; A L L I E K I R C H E R ( 5 ) ; J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K ( 2 ) .

NEUTROGENA
Hydro Boost
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P H O T O G R A P H E D B Y B E N WAT T S . FA S H I O N D I R E C T O R : AYA K A N A I . H A I R : A N T H O N Y C A M P B E L L AT T H E WA L L G R O U P U S I N G K E R A S TA S E N U T R I T I V E M AG I S T R A L . M A K E U P :
T R A C Y M U R P H Y F O R L A S H S TA R B E A U T Y. M A N I C U R E : J U L I E K A N D A L E C F O R D I O R V E R N I S . P R O P S T Y L I S T: M O L LY F I N D L AY/ M A R E K A N D A S S O C I AT E S . M O D E L : A S H L E Y
G R A H A M / I M G . C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P R I G H T: 2 0 T H C E N T F O X / C O U R T E S Y E V E R E T T C O L L E C T I O N ; C O U R T E S Y E S S I E ; J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D ; V E R A A N D E R S O N /
W I R E I M AG E ; A R AYA D I A Z /G E T T Y I M AG E S; G E T T Y I M AG E S / I S T O C K P H O T O ( 2 ); I S T O C K ( 2 ). S E E PAG E 18 6 F O R S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N .

 2016
#ExpressLife by Karlie Kloss

Have bottle service

in your own backyard with the

1 part Pinnacle Original Vodka

2 parts club soda
Splash of cranberry juice
Sip, sele and enjoy.

Pinnacle Imported Vodka, 40% Alc./Vol. Distilled from Grain, 2016 Porteld Importers, Deereld, IL, USA.

DRINK RESPONSIBLY

SLUG
C ON F E S S IONS
WE KNOW YOU HAVE
CONFESSIONS TO
SHARE....E-MAIL THE
DIRTY DETAILS TO
CONFESSIONS
@COSMOPOLITAN.COM,
OR TWEET YOUR TALES
TO @COSMOPOLITAN!

EDITED BY
E M I LY C . J O H N S O N I

YOU REVEAL
YOUR MOST
EMBARRASSING,
RIDICULOUS,
WHAT-WAS-ITHINKING
MOMENTS.

1
Im not allowed to
have my BF at my
parents house when
theyre not home,
but I did. My dad
came home unexpectedly, so I had to
hide my boyfriend
in the atticwhich
was 90 degrees
with no ACfor six
hours until I could
sneak him out.
VICTORIA H., 20, STUDENT,
NASHVILLE, TN

PH0T0 G R A PHED BY A A RON RICH T E R

25

C ON F E S S I ON S

2
CELEB CONFESSION

I was always told that if someone

has something on their face, you
should tell them. So when I was a
teenager, I was talking to a friends
mom, and I go, You know, you
should really wax your moustache.
My mom was pissed, so I was like,
But Mom, you always told me to
say something! My friends mom
did wax it though. She came to my
hockey game the next night, and
she was like, Look, Nico, I did it!
NICO TORTORELLA, YOUNGER

The first time my

companys corporate
team visited, I walked
into our meeting and
my heel broke. I was
limping and made an
excuse to slip out so
I could go buy flats.
VALERIA A., 26, FASHION DESIGNER,
MIAMI, FL
DONT MISS NEXT MONTHS
CONFESSIONS, ON SALE AUGUST 9.

T O P L E F T: G E T T Y I M A G E S

12
A job interview went
so well, they
even said I
was stylish.
Later, a lady
told me,
Your shirts
inside out.
It was inside
out the
whole interview.
KRISTIN D., 22, FRONT-END
COORDINATOR, HOLLYWOOD, FL

5 I went to a frat party. After

hitting it off with this guy, we
went upstairs to hook upand
I threw up all over his bed.
When he left to get something
to help me clean it up, I just panicked and wanted to get out of
there fast. So I stripped his bed
and left with all his bedding.
He had to message me the next
morning, asking what happened
to his sheets.
PERRY W., 23

6 I almost got arrested for having sex with my ex in my high

school parking lot. The cop saw
my goods, but after we showed
ID to verify that we were over 21,
he left us alone to continue. We
did not let that kill the mood!
TAKIA V., 29

After a night of partying,

we all went out to get curly
fries. I was so clumsy that
I dropped the container
and it opened onto the
street. My brain said no, but
my heart said yesI
put them back in the box
and ate them. No shame.
TAYLOR N., 21

My friend was hooking up

with this guy until he
broke things off and asked
for her sisters number.
To get revenge, we got her
sister to pretend to be
interested in him and meet
him at a bar. One of our
guy friends acted like
the sisters angry, jealous
boyfriend and dumped his
beer on the guys head.

11
I went to a music festival
and got into the VIP area.
People kept coming up
and congratulating me
on my performance.
They thought I was this
famous singer, so I faked
her accent and thanked
them. Famous for a day!

A friend of a friend
prank-called me in the
middle of the night and
said nasty stuff. When
my friend later spotted
him at Dennys, I went
straight there and
poured his milk shake
all over his face.

SARAH S., 24, ARTS MANAGER,

ATLANTA, GA

AFROZA K., 29, MARKETING

CONSULTANT, MIAMI, FL

GU Y CON F ESSIONS
13 I brought two girls
home for a threesome,
waking up my dad.
Then we got freaky on
the balcony, in plain
sight of the street. People
honked at us.

CANDACE B., 25

THOMAS W., 21

I was out with friends and

a little drunk and kept
telling everyone that I really
recommended the
IBM.I meant IPA.
MEDHA S., 22

10

I was eating dinner with a

client, and he was
talking about how he just
bought a ranch house
with his wife and two dogs
in Kentucky. I told him,
Wow! A ranch? What kind
of animals do you have?
He gave me a blank
stare and said, Um, no, its
a style of house.
KAYLA K., 25

14 Every Friday night,

I set up my nightstand
with snacks and drinks,
so when I wake up on
Saturday morning, I
dont need to leave my
bed. Its Netflix all day.

15

BEN B., 21

When I sleepwalk, Ill eat an entire jar of pickles. I wont

remember it, but the pickles are gone in the morning.
RANDY A., 32, MERCHANT, MIAMI, FL

I BOOKED TWO DATES FOR THE SAME NIGHT AT

THE SAME RESTAURANT. THE SECOND DATE SHOWED UP
EARLY TO GET A DRINK BEFOREHAND, AND I HAD TO
INTRODUCE HIM TO THE FIRST GUY. SO AWKWARD.
16

REBECCA S., 24

AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

27

C ON F E S S I ON S

Worst Dates Ever

He asked me to go to
church and lunch for
our second date. He sat
up front to do the readings, so I was alone.
Then, our lunch date
was with the pastor, his
wife, and their three
kids. I got a lecture
on how to be a good
pastors wife.

His roommate
barged in,
screaming, accusing
us of sneaking into
his room and
stealing his drugs.
We hadnt, but my
date wound up
fighting with him in
the hallway while
I sat there.
KAYLEE A., 22

He came home
with me and left before
morning. When I woke up,
I went to get a towel,
and all the towels in my
drawer were soaking wet
and reeked of pee. Hed
peed in my drawer.
HUDSON V., 22

LIZ H., 25

En route, he told
me he had a kid. Then
he told me he was
actually 10 years
older. After dinner,
he told me he
was still married.
MARIELLA N., 25

IKRAM B., 25

DOUCHE-O-METER
JUST CLUELESS

28

UM, NO

JANE C., 23

I told him before our

date that I use a cane.
When we met up, he
screamed, You didnt
tell me you were
handicapped! I left and
found a better guy.

He was more than an hour

late and said it was
because he fell asleep after
jerking of f. Then he wanted
me to go to his hotel room.
When I refused, he yelled
that it cost him $650
so I owed him a BJ. Nope.

MINDI D., 42

JULIE R., 39

CHECK, PLEASE

SO OFFENSIVE

EPIC FAIL

LITERALLY DERANGED

T W E E T U S Y O U R W O R S T D AT E E V E R @ C O S M O P O L I TA N , O R E - M A I L U S AT W O R S T D AT E @ C O S M O P O L I TA N . C O M .

T R AV I S R AT HB O NE / T RUNK A RC HI V E

I was at a restaurant
with my sisters when this
guy asked me out. On our second
date, he told me, Youre
actually not the girl I wanted
to dateI was more into
your younger sister.

Ahead of our date, he

said he would run out to
get me flowers.
But he showed up without any flowers
instead, hed just bought
himself a shirt.

BRING OUT YOUR

best curl days

ogxbeauty.com |

C U LT U R E C R U S H

MR. AUGUST

ALEXANDER
SKARSGRD
G E T T Y I M AG E S ( 16 ); C O U R T E S Y J O N AT H A N O L L E Y/ 2 014 WA R N E R B R O S . E N T E R TA I N M E N T I N C .

You Tarzan. Me Jane. We...lost

our train of thought. Catch the Skars in
The Legend of Tarzan (out now).

AUG U S T

1
8
15
22

2
9
16
23

3
10
17
24

4
11
18
25

5
12
19
26

6
13
20
27

AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

31

FUN, FEARLESS...FAIL!
POTTERMANIA
WANGGARDIUM
LEVIOSA!

FUN Gas up the Nimbus: Harry

Potter and the Cursed Child hits
shelves and the stage this month.

FEARLESS Artist Louise Reimer

puts feminist spins on Hogwartsisms because the muggle is real.

FAIL Tumblr trend swaps every

wand in HP text for penis. Avada
Kedavra, your innocence.

CHEW, WHAT, WHERE

FUN Texas Ranger Hanser

Alberto blows most epic bubble,
makes play for pop stardom.

FEARLESS #WadGoals: Pro gum

removers the GumBusters wont
stop until our streets are sticky-free.

FAIL Dicklicks penis-shaped

gum: the only instance when
using your teeth is a good thing.

FUN Japanese designer wraps

TP in fruit prints, turns your
pee break into a tropical vacay.

FEARLESS Sustainable Piatex

pineapple leather: best use of
the fruit since the pia colada.

FAIL How else do you do it? Chinese

government bans seductive
banana eating on livestreams.

32 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

T H I S PA G E : P O T T E R M A N I A , F R O M L E F T: C O U R T E S Y S C H O L A S T I C ; L O U I S E R E I M E R A N D S PA R K N O T E S / O R I G I N A L LY P U B L I S H E D B Y S PA R K N O T E S ; W A R N E R B R O S / C O U R T E S Y E V E R E T T C O L L E C T I O N . C H E W, W H AT,
W H E R E , F R O M L E F T: G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 3 ) ; S A R A H E C K I N G E R ( 2 ) ; J U I C Y F R U I T, F R O M L E F T: K A Z U A K I K A W A H A R A / L AT O N A M A R K E T I N G I N C . ; C O U R T E S Y P I AT E X ; G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 5 ) . O P P O S I T E PA G E : C L O C K W I S E
F R O M T O P L E F T: G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 2 ) ; J U S T I N P R I C E / S P L A S H N E W S ; S H A N N O N K I R K M A N / S P L A S H N E W S ; G E T T Y I M A G E S ; A K M - G S I ; S P L A S H N E W S ; L U C A S C H E L S E A / S P L A S H N E W S .

From wow to WTF, we call the trends like we see em.

MIAMI ICE
CREAM VENDOR

OLIVIA
MUNN

NUDE
GOLFER

A B OV E
PA R
NYC CAB
DRIVER

VS.
OH ,
STOP

STOP
T R A F F IC
CODY
SIMPSON

HOT
WHEELS

STONE C O L D F OX
ALESSANDRA
AMBROSIO

BU T T E R
PE- CAN T

BIKE
RIDER

CHAFE
T R AV E L S

HUH?

RITA
ORA

Being called the M word can be as

shocking as finding your first gray hair.
Inside Amy Schumers head writer
and executive producer, Jessi Klein,
offers up some solid alternatives.

34

J O S E P H M C D E R M OT T/G E T T Y I M AG E S

Please
Dont
Call
Me
Maam

Eva Mendes wears Freya Flare Dress

#REALTALK
I started
out life as a miss. How
can I help you, miss?
Miss, you dropped a dollar. Miss, can I buy you a
drink? Excuse me, miss,
Im interested in having sex
with you. Everyone wants
to be a miss. Miss means
you have more in common
with Audrey Hepburn than
not. Miss sounds like youre
mostly air, like your body
has the magic and delicacy
of a wind chime, and when
you walk down the street,
everyone hears little bells.
I dont remember the
exact place or time I was
first called maam. Which
means, on some level, I
must have blocked it out.
I remember I was around
30 and it was a complete
surprise. In my mind, I
was still wind-chiming
around town as a miss.
And then some waiter, or
maybe it was a bank teller,
looked me up and down
and decided I was a maam.
I didnt expect to be called
maam any more than I
expected Clive Owen to
walk in and demand we
have sex. In that moment,
I felt very viscerally the
beginning of something
slipping away: not just the
possibility of fucking Clive
Owen but something biggermy image of myself.
How was I being perceived
as a maam? And just what
is a maam, anyway? And
why was I so upset?
Maam makes people
crazy. Almost universally,
women hate it (with the
exception of a few people in
the South who have decided

Maam is yet another

horrible-sounding
word that women are stuck
with to describe various
aspects of their body/life/
hair: Vagina. Moist. Fallopian tubes. Yeast infection.
Clitoris. Frizz. Who made
up these words? Women
certainly didnt. If, at the
beginning of time, right
after making vaginas, God
had asked me, What would
you like your most intimate
and enjoyable part of yourself to be called? I most
certainly wouldnt have said
vagina. No woman would,
because vagina sounds like
a First World War term that
was invented to describe a
trench that has been mostly
blown apart but is still in
use. Maam fits right into
this pattern. Maam sounds
like a species of frog that
watches reality television
all day. Maam sounds like
a woman whose body is
mostly Cheez Whiz.

WAIT, NO,
PLEASE! IM TOO
YOUNG TO BE A
MAAM. MAAM IS
MY MOTHER!

Maam isnt just a form

of address. Its a way for
a perfect stranger to let us
know how old he thinks we
are. What is the purpose of
this? Why does a West Elm
clerk have to let me know
he thinks he knows how
old I am? The issue isnt
my comfort with my age
(Im 40) so much as why,
why, why the fuck does this
need to be a factor in every
interaction I have? Why
do we have to be a nation
divided between misses
and maams? Why do I have
to be trained to respond to
a different name once the
world at large has decided I
am no longer a fawn?

Maam is doubly
insulting because we
hear men being called
sir all day. And sir is awesome. Sir is what knights
are and what Paul McCartney is. Sir sounds like you
are sitting in a castle eating
rack of lamb. Sir means
you are respected and
maybe a little feared. People dont fear maam, except

in the sense that they may

be worried: Oh no, what
if this maam starts hitting on me! Men are called
sir starting from when
theyre old enough to be
called anything, and they
stay sir through old age.
Men dont have to deal with
the fact that at some point
in their life they will find
themselves tossed into a
linguistic system that will
let them know, in no uncertain terms, that in the eyes
of the world, essentially,
theyve begun to die.
When youre called sir,
youre being called the
same thing that James
Bond is called. When Im
called maam, Im being
called the same thing that
Senator Barbara Boxer is
being called, and shes 75.
Except, scratch that. Even
she famously got bent out
of shape when she was
addressed on the senate
floor as maam. She
corrected the person,
firmly asking to be called
senator instead.
But if you are not a senator and have no plans to be
one and probably couldnt
be even if you wanted to
because of some questionable YouTube videos youve
done, what do you ask to be
called? Weve never come
up with a good alternative.
But I know you cant complain if youre not trying to
solve the problem yourself.
So may I offer: Your Highness, Meryl, Khaleesi, or

Adapted from Youll

Grow Out of It, by
Jessi Klein, copyright
2016 by Jessi Klein.
Reprinted by
permission of Grand
Central Publishing,
New York, NY. All
rights reserved.

VAS JAKOMAN/GE T T Y IMAGE S

LIKE ALL WOMEN,

that being called maam is

a sign of respect or something). It makes us crazy for
several reasons.

Jennifer Hudson wears the Soho Jeans Collection

NEW
FICTION
6

Cosmo Reads
1. YOU WILL KNOW ME
by Megan Abbott
The Fever author
takes on the highstakes world of
Olympic gymnastics
hopefuls. For one
mom and her prodigy daughter, going
for the gold literally
becomes a matter of
life and death.

2. HOW TO PARTY WITH

AN INFANT by Kaui
Hart Hemmings
Mele Bart tells her
BF shes pregnant;
he drops that hes
engaged to someone
else. WTH? Mommyhood gets hilariously
tricky in this novel
from the author of
The Descendants.

38 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

3. BRIGHT, PRECIOUS
DAYS by Jay
McInerney
The Bright Lights,
Big City scribe brings
us couple Corrine
and Russell Calloway, enamored with
NYCs high life...
and possibly dunzo
when Corrines exlover reappears.

4. ANOTHER BROOKLYN
by Jacqueline
Woodson
The author of the
award-winning
memoir Brown Girl
Dreaming delves into
the lives of four
Brooklynites bound
by the indelible joy
and darknessof
their childhood.

5. THE REGULARS
by Georgia Clark
Imagine a magic
elixir that makes you
crazy good-looking.
Would you use it?
BFFs Evie, Krista,
and Willow do, so
surely the dates, promotions, and perfect
lives will come rolling
in. Right?

6. BEHOLD THE
DREAMERS
by Imbolo Mbue
Jende, a Cameroonian immigrant in
NYC, lands a perkpacked job chaffeuring for a banking
exec. But when the
financial crash
looms, whos willing
to protect whom?

LISTEN TO JAY MCINERNEY AUG. 2 ON

THE LIT UP SHOW (ON ITUNES).

BEN GOLDSTEIN/STUDIO D

All the titles you need to know about for your next #Shelfie.

The moment
was perfect.

OB/GYN recommended

But your plan for birth control wasnt.

emergency contraceptive
brand 1*

Chosen by millions of women,2 Plan B One-Step helps prevent pregnancy when used within
72 hours (3 days) after unprotected sex or birth control failure. The sooner you take it, the better it works
It is generally safe and effective when used as directed
Plan B One-Step contains levonorgestrel, the same hormone used in many birth control pills for several
decades, just at a higher dose. Its a backup plan and should not be used as regular birth control because
it is not as effective
Find it in the feminine care aisle at many stores. There is no prescription or ID required,
and there is no age restriction

Learn more and get a coupon for up to $10 @ PlanBOneStep.com

* Survey of 1000 OB/GYNs, February 2015.
References: 1. Data on le. Market Research, February 2015. Teva Womens Health, Inc. 2. FDA drug use review, December 2011. http://www.fda.gov/
downloads/AdvisoryCommittees/CommitteesMeetingMaterials/PediatricAdvisoryCommittee/UCM288778.pdf. Accessed October 28, 2015.
Plan B One-Step is a registered trademark of Womens Capital Corporation. 2015 Teva Womens Health, Inc. PBO-40508 October 2015

For use by women only.

For the perfectly imperfect.

COSMO READS
SW E E T S U MME R E S CAPE S

Jet to Europe, or just feel that way, with these wanderlusty reads.

MIDAIR
by Kodi Scheer
Nessas high school trip to
Paris starts out as a shenanigan-filled getaway.
But factor in shadowy
secrets and hidden agendas, and pretty soon, shes
got a giant merde-storm
on her hands.

THE INVITATION
by Lucy Foley
Certain that theyll never
meet again, journalist Hal
and socialite Stella
indulge in an illicit rendezvous. But when theyre
reunited on a yacht in
Cannes a year later, temptation is everywhere.

GOING HAM
Because your odds of getting
tickets to see Broadways Hamilton
at this point are about as good as,
oh, winning the Powerball, get to
know the man of the moment in The
Hamilton Affair. Author and historian
Elizabeth Cobbs fictionalized spin
on the life of the founding pops and
his better half, Eliza Schuyler, is a juicy
answer to Ron Chernows Alexander
Hamilton (which inspired the blockbuster musical). Dont be surprised
if you find yourself dropping the
occasional revolutionary freestyle
once youve made your way through
this page-turner.

Chasing Amy
I WEAR MY MISTAKES like literal badges of honor,
and I celebrate them. They make me human. Now that
all of my work, my relationships, my tweets, my body
parts, and my sandwiches are publicly analyzed, Im
proud that I labeled myself a flawed, normal human
before anyone else did. So writes Amy Schumer in her
highly anticipated The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo. The essay collectionin which the comedian
details the highs, lows, and WTFs of her life thus far
drops August 16. Please form an orderly line.

Hi!

IM ANGELA LEDGERWOOD, COSMOS

BOOKS EDITOR. CATCH ME TALKING
BOOKS HERE EACH MONTH AND ON
THE LIT UP SHOW PODCAST EACH WEEK
(FIND IT ON ITUNES AND @LITUPSHOW).

H A M I LTO N : I N T E R I M A R C H I V E S /G E T T Y I M AG E S

COOKING FOR PICASSO

by Camille Aubray
France, 1936: 17-year-old
Ondine meets a mysterious figure in her familys
caf...with no inkling of
how hell shape her life
and that of her granddaughter Cline, living in
present-day Hollywood.

how to
choose a
man
when
youre
married
to a
woman
L A U R A L E I G H A B BY K N E W T H AT S H E A N D
H E R W I F E , S A M , C O U L D N T H AV E A B A BY W H O
WA S H A L F O F E AC H O F T H E M , B U T S H E D I D N T
A N T I C I PAT E H OW T R I C K Y P I C K I N G A
S P E R M D O N O R WO U L D AC T U A L LY B E .

OK AY, M Y W IFE , Sam,

says to me, heres a recording of donor number 4662.
She clicks the volume button up to max. A male
voice begins, Im really
into meditation, mindfulness, and focusing my consciousness. I roll my eyes
so hard, they ache. Donor
number 4662 sounds like
a Buddhist surfer, and the
guy before him sounded
like a teen in a high school
marching band. These
arent necessarily bad
things, but I know nothing
of his temperament or sense
of humor. I am meeting him
only through the web page
of his donor profile. It never
occurred to me that once I
married a woman, Id still
have to find a man.
You have to pick one
by the weekend! Sam
declares. I look over at her
Excel spreadsheet, meticulously organized with her
top choices in bold. These
donors had everything we
were looking for: brown

hair, blue eyes, healthy

genes, and an affinity for
math and science. I thought
this would be the easy part,
but instead Im crippled
with indecision.
Ive always known that
Sam and I cant make a
baby together. Since we
first began dating in college, I understood the
costsboth emotional and
financialthat we would
face when the time came
to start a family, but I had
some foolish daydream
that it would be easy once
we were ready. A decade
later, I mourn the baby we
cant create together. When
I hear someone gush to a
pregnant friend, I hope he
gets your smile but is tall
like your husband, I cant
help feeling wistful. Our
baby would be the cutest,
I tell Sam. She wraps me in
a hug, kisses my nose, and
says, I know.
After our 2013 wedding,
we began talking about
starting a family. Our timeline put us a few years out,
but my wife loves to plan
ahead. She knew wed need
time to navigate the process of procuring sperm.
We exhausted the obvious questions first: Did we
know a potential donor?
We know lots of great guys,
but we didnt want to complicate relationships. We
each have a brother. Just
use one of them, my mom
offered up like a Rubiks
Cube shed maneuvered in
seconds. We want our children to be ours and dont
want to burden our brothers with the complexity of
being the biological father. I
love Sams brother, but carrying his child sounds like a

B E N GOL D S T E IN / S T UDIO D. IL LU S T R AT IO N S: A M A NDA L A N ZO NE .

reality show I dont want to

star in. Donor sperm means
that uncles can be uncles
and friends will stay friends.
We also want to give our
future children the option
of contacting the donor
when they turn 18, which
means we were after an
open donor, whose identity could be disclosed. In
a perfect world, our donor
would also be tall with a
couple of sisters and a bit
more athletic prowess than
my wife or I have.
Sam narrowed down
our cryobank options by
considering which ones
offered known donors, how
selective their process was,
and how they limited their
sperm. Some banks will sell
as much of a donors sperm
as they have available. Others reach an offspring cap.
Sam didnt want our children having hundreds of
biological siblings. What
if we had a child as desperately curious as I am?
Would she want to track
down every single sibling?
I have enough drama with
twoimagine 500?
What Sam and I were
really looking for was the
healthiest donor whod mix
with our genesfirst mine,
then Samsand create
children that would resemble us, even if only slightly.
Ive never been one to
believe in signs. When I
finally settled on a donor,
however, I gave in to the
feeling of fatebecause
meant to be makes paying for sperm feel a little
more personaland I
made my choice. Not only
was his genetic makeup a
healthy match for both of
ours, but he was asked in

his donor profile to give

a message to the children
who might be conceived
using his sperm. Go confidently in the direction of
donor for both of us. Well
your dreams, he wrote.
do it, she replied assurLive the life youve imagedly. I can use half a vial
ined. My father had spofor your IVF cycle. I left
ken this same Thoreau
her office feeling newly
quote in his toast at our
confident. Sam did too.
wedding. This was surely
Were gonna have a baby,
a sign. It was something I
we said.
could tell our future chilIts not easy to balance
dren when they asked how
positivity and pragmatism,
we made them. Slowly, the
but thats what we have
process began to feel more
tried to do. Maybe we will
spiritual than scientific. We need to find a new donor
purchased all six available
for Sam, and well have
vials of his sperm.
to accept that. Her own
After three failed
mother was adopted and
attempts to impregnate me
via intrauterine inseminah
tion, we consulted with a
us e
g
e p
doctor about in vitro feron I ho tall
tilization. With only three
e
om nd, ut is t
vials remaining, I knew
s
we needed to re-up on
ar frie le b I can
e
our sperm. Sam worI h ant smi d, .
n
ried that when it
he regn our sban tful
was her turn,
W a p ts y hu wis
she would have
to ge our ling
to use a differhe e y fee
ent donor. We want
lik lp
our children to be
he
biological siblings for
various reasons, including the possibility of future
health concerns (like if one
wanted to donate an organ
to the other). I also didnt
think I could go through
the process of choosing
another donor, which was
hard enough the first time.
No number of e-mails or
phone calls to the cryobank
could solve our dilemma.
Our healthy, handsome,
well-read donor had yet to
make another donation.
If ever I wanted to text a
man, it was now. I brought
up the sperm issue with
our fertility doctor. I
really want to use this

MY STORY
we know that however we
end up becoming moms,
our kids will be a hundred
percent ours.
When we told friends
we were trying to conceive,
one clapped her hands
and said, Oh, Sam, I hope
the baby has your eyes.
Sam laughed and replied,
Well, thats impossible.
Our friend felt terrible,
but I loved her sentiment,
because with our first child
now growing inside me,
I cant wait to see which
of our traits he or she displays. I just hope choosing
a stroller is easier than
choosing a donor.

AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

43

INTRODUCING SARAH HYLAND

AS THE NEW CANDIES CREATIVE DIRECTOR

candies .c om

@Candies 2016

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SHORTS, Sessn.
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BRACELET, Atelier
Paulin

47

STYLE
FRIDAY

CHILL SESH
OVERALLS,
Levis.
CROP TOP,
Roseanna.
SOCKS, SHOES,
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True Religion,
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OVERALLS,
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G R A N D E . A D D I T I O N A L S T I L L S : C O U R T E S Y H & M , R A Y - B A N , T O P S H O P.

SHOES,
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2016 LOral USA, Inc.

STYLE

CROP TOP,
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SCARF (as belt),
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WATCH, Louis Pion.
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SATURDAY

E RUN

S WA P YO U R G O -T O S W E A T S A N D S H OW E R S H O E S
FOR A M I DI SK I RT A N D A N K L E BOOTS.

BOOTS, Jaggar,
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SCENTS YOU CANT FORGET

JACKET, Comptoir des

Cotonniers. PANTS, LiuJo.
BELT, Pennyblack.
TOTE BAG, Nat & Nin

STYLE
SATURDAY

DINNER

SATCHEL, Michael
Michael Kors, $348,
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JEANS,
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JEANS, Kut
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PA I R W I DE- L E G
PA N T S W I T H

TIFFANY REID, senior fashion

market editor | @TiffanyReid_

ADDITIONAL STILL S: COURTE SY MICHAEL KORS, ONE WINK , BULOVA .

JEANS, Miss
Me, $90,
missme.com

BRUSHED
CLEAN
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STYLE
SUNDAY

SHOPPING

M A K E A N A L L -W H I T E L O O K I N T E R E S T I N G W I T H C O L O R F U L S N E A K S A N D AC C E S S O R I E S .

DRESS, Mes
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JEANS,
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WATCH,
Swatch,
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.swatch.com

JEANS, PacSun
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BACKPACK,
Coach 1941,
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SNEAKERS, Jessica
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2016 LOral USA, Inc.

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STYLE
FROM TOP: TAG
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Just
Look
at
That
Face...
P R O P S T Y L I S T: E M I LY M U L L I N F O R H E L L O A R T I S T S . M A N I C U R E : J U L I E K A N D A L E C U S I N G D I O R V E R N I S . M O D E L : L A U R E N
NOBLE /PAR T S MODEL S.

No, not that one (although

it is adorbs!). Give
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and youre guaranteed
a lifetime of love.

58

PHOTOGRAPHED BY GRANT CORNET T

SENIOR AC CES SORIE S EDITOR: K AT H Y LEE

We didnt break the mold.

We flattened it.

Mondelz International Group

STYLE

FOR A FEMININE
STYLE THATS
NOT TOO PRECIOUS,
LOOK FOR
PEARLESCENT FACES
SET ON CHUNKY
SILVER STRAPS.
KATHY LEE, senior accessories

editor | @KathyGLee

FROM TOP:
CITIZEN WATCH,
$475, citizen
watch.com.
SEIKO, $265,
macys.com.
COACH, $250,
macys.com

60 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

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UPDATE
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_ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

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EDITED BY
L E A H W YA R

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72

CLINIQUE Lash Power Flutter-toFull Mascara, $23, clinique.com

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74 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

JEFFRE Y WE STBROOK /STUDIO D. MAIN IMAGE: PHOTOGR APHED BY ERICO TOSCANO,

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76

Want to look younger, longer?

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BEAUTY
ITS TRUE. The eye area

WHY A SEPARATE CREAM?

Eye skin is tissue-thin, dry,
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says Heidi Waldorf, MD, a
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The eyes also have
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Hardly one-size-fits-all,
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78 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

YOUR ISSUE: DEHYDRATION

As mentioned, the eye area
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Plus, most of us regularly
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these products (especially
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JEFFRE Y WE STBROOK /STUDIO D. MAIN IMAGE: LICKERISH/ YUK Y LUT Z.

ages 5 to 10 years
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responsible for
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fibers break down,
says Dr. Schultz. And
with few oil glands,
the skin there tends
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J&JCI 2016

BEAUTY
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Cream, $18, drugstores

The newest way to look

well-rested? Eye patches!
Seal in the serum with
a moon-shaped mask for
brighter eyes in minutes.

CHANEL Le Lift Flash

Eye Revitalizer,
$130, chanel.com;
MURAD Eye Lift
Firming Treatment,
$68, murad.com

many women start losing

bone and fat in their face, so
the hollows naturally
deepen, says Dr. Waldorf.
Experts agree its the most
difficult issue to fix topically. However, Olays Illuminating eye cream uses
three ingredients proven to
lighten brown or bluish circles significantly if used
daily for about two months.
Dr. Waldorfs remedy? Collagen-plumping peptides to
counteract the hollows (find
them in M-61s serum). For
a more dramatic fix, derms
can inject a filler like Restalyne or Juvederm. And never
underestimate the power of
a bomb concealer (like
Armanis).

YOUR ISSUE: PUFFY EYES

YOUR ISSUE: DARK CIRCLES
If yours are brownish, its
likely an overproduction of
melanin. Bruised-looking?
Youre seeing blood vessels
through your skin, says
Neuser, who believes the
problem is largely genetic.
And the older you get, the
more pronounced they will
become. Around age 25,

80

Lots of things can cause

you to retain fluid, like
salty foods or just the way
you sleep. And for some,
the issue is geneticfat
pads simply protrude.
This is where roller-ball
creams (like Olays) really
help. Massage moves stagnant fluid, says Neuser.
(Diors peptide-infused for-

mula also boosts micro-circulation.) Pop one into the

fridge: The cooling effect

has extra depuffing powers. So do creams with caffeine (like Philosophys),
even at room temp.

YOUR ISSUE: AGING

Everything from UV exposure to squinting at your
iPhone to how your mom
looked at 25 affects the
number of crows-feet you
have. To the rescue: collagen-boosting ingredients
like peptides (Orlane, Sea
Radiance, and La Mers
all have them) and the
proven wrinkle smoother,
retinol (find it in Murad
Renewing Eye Cream,
$80, sephora.com). You
can also talk to your dermatologist about IPL
(Intense Pulsed Light).
The five-minute treatment
gently warms the skin,
leaving it tighter and
younger looking, says Dr.
Schultz. While a commitmentyou need about six
treatments for results that
last for four to eight
monthshe says the effects
are unbelievable.

DIOR One Essential Eye

Serum, $78, dior.com;
PHILOSOPHY Take a Deep Breath
Eye Oxygenating Eye Gel
Cream, $42, philosophy.com;
OLAY Eyes De-Puffing
Eye Roller, $25, olay.com

AGING
ORLANE B21 Extraordinare
Jeunesse Des Yeux, $175,
neimanmarcus.com;
SEA RADIANCE Rapid Eye Lift,
$79, searadiance.com;
LA MER The Lifting Eye
Serum, $240, lamer.com

JEFFRE Y WE STBROOK /STUDIO D. MAIN IMAGE: LICKERISH/ YUK Y LUT Z.

PATCH WORK

OLAY Eyes Illuminating Eye

Cream, $25, olay.com;
GIORGIO ARMANI BEAUTY
Compact Concealer, $43,
armanibeauty.com;
M-61 Hydraboost Eye Serum,
$72, bluemercury.com

Naturally Beautiful Results

Its a simple equation.

Healthy skin equals beautiful skin.

AVEENO Daily Moisturizing Lotion and Body Wash give

your skin 2X the nourishment when used together. The exclusive
ACTIVE NATURALS Oat formula delivers healthy-looking
skin in just one day. What a beautiful difference.
*

*twice the nourishing oat Johnson & Johnson Consumer Companies, Inc. 2015

VARIETY PACK
Lip kits are everything these days.
This one offers six
shades that stun.
E.L.F. Runway Ready
Lip Palette, $8,
elfcosmetics.com

VANITY FILES
A trendy pattern
makes shaping
your nails chic.
ODEME Cairo
Matchbook Nail
Files, $5, odeme.co

STICK SHIFT
Minimize the size of
pores, blur fine lines,
and cover spots on
the fly.
NYC NEW YORK COLOR
Get It All Foundation
in Warm Beige, $4,
Target

HIT REFRESH
If you havent
washed your hair
in days, you need
this, stat!
ORGANICHEAD Detox
& Purify

Budget-friendly buys that

ROLL PLAY
A ball applicator
makes this perfume portable and
purse-friendly.
CLEAN Blossom
Rollerball, $10
for .17 oz.,
cleanperfume.com

TWICE AS NICE
The pointy end:
perf for crisp lines.
The rounded one?
Something smoky.
RIMMEL LONDON
MagnifEyes DoubleEnded Shadow
and Liner in Pink
and Purple Rain,
$8, drugstores

WEAR
WITH ALL
A sexy red mani
goes with everything from ripped
jeans to an LBD.
SALLY HANSEN
Miracle Gel in
Rhapsody Red,
$10, drugstores

Even better than

the boho packaging? The crisp
citrus scent.

GLEAM
PLAYER

METHOD + REBECCA
ATWOOD Pink
Persimmon Gel
Hand Wash,
$3.50, target.com

The same lipquenching

formula, now with
shimmer.
EOS Shimmer Lip
Balm Sphere in
Pearl, $5.50, Ulta

82

JEFFREY WESTBROOK/STUDIO D

FINE PRINT

2016
20
16 Gar
Garnie
nierr LLC.
nie
LLC.

CURL
RENEW

Revive curls
R E A C T I VAT E & R E D E F I N E
FOR REFRESHED CURLS ANYTIME
Lightweight Milk Spray with coconut oil recreates hydrated, frizz-resistant curls.
Adds shine and bounce for a renewed, just-styled look.

garnierusa.com/curls

#CurlsCan

BEAUTY

3
4

I have VFL (visible

foundation line).

5
2

FIX Whether your

foundation is a shade
off or it oxidized
post-application (very
common), a damp
beauty blender is your
friend, says Gigi. Blend
the line with the round
side, focusing on the
perimeter of your face.
5. BEAUTYBLENDER,
$20, sephora.com

I sneezed while
applying mascara.
1
7

FIX Removing wet

mascara marks can
create a bigger mess, so
rst and foremost, wait
ve minutes for it to dry,
says Gigi. Then wipe it
with a clean cotton swab
or makeup-remover
tool (Givenchys has a
precise markerlike tip).
6. GIVENCHY Mister Perfect
Instant Makeup Eraser,
$32, sephora.com

I overstrobed and
look like a disco ball.

8
9

6 MAKEUP
gone cray, YouTuber Gigi Gorgeous
(star of Help! My Face
Is F*cked! on Kylie Jenners
app) has your back.
BY ERIN STOVALL

84

My cat eye
is completely
crooked.
FIX Even out your
line with a pointy cotton
swab (we heart Q-tips
Precision Tips) dipped
in oil-free remover,
which wont smudge
the rest of your makeup.
Gigis secret weapon:
this micellar water by
Bioderma.
1. Q-TIPS Precision
Tips, $3, drugstores
2. BIODERMA Sensibio
H2O, $7, beautylish.com

I overfilled my brows.
Now, theyre more
freaky than fleeky.

7. PHYSICIANS FORMULA
Murumuru Butter
Bronzer, $15, drugstores

FIX Brush hairs upward

with a clean spoolie to
diffuse, says Gigi. The
bristles grip onto and
remove excess product.
You can also use a small,
angled brush, dipped in
creamy concealer (peep
her fave by MAC) to
polish the edges.
Anastasias dual-ended
tool offers both brushes.

I applied way
too much blush.

3. MAC COSMETICS Studio

Finish SPF35 Concealer,
$19, maccosmetics.com
4. ANASTASIA BEVERLY HILLS
Duo Brush #7, $18,
sephora.com

FIX To tone down

redness without redoing
your whole face, swirl
powder foundation
on cheeks with a
uffy brush, says
Gigi. Her go-to
foundation? MACs.
8. URBAN DECAY Good
Karma Powder
Brush, $36, beauty.com
9. MAC COSMETICS
Studio Fix Powder
Plus Foundation,
$27, maccosmetics.com

JEFFRE Y WE STBROOK /STUDIO D. GIGI: GE T T Y IMAGE S.

FIX Just contour, says

Gigi. Sweep bronzer (our
current obsession: this
one by Physicians
Formula) on cheekbones
to dull the shine.

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T R Y I T O N Y O U R TA B L E T T O D AY AT D E A L . C O S M O P O L I TA N . C O M

standup2cancer.org
#reasons2standup
#su2c
ASTRAZENECA, CANADIAN BREAST CANCER FOUNDATION, CANADIAN IMPERIAL BANK OF COMMERCE, CANADIAN INSTITUTES OF HEALTH RESEARCH,
CANCER STEM CELL CONSORTIUM, LILLY ONCOLOGY, FARRAH FAWCETT FOUNDATION, GENOME CANADA, LAURA ZISKIN FAMILY TRUST,
NATIONAL OVARIAN CANCER COALITION, ONTARIO INSTITUTE FOR CANCER RESEARCH, OVARIAN CANCER RESEARCH FUND ALLIANCE,
THE PARKER FOUNDATION, ST. BALDRICKS FOUNDATION
STAND UP TO CANCER IS A PROGRAM OF THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY FOUNDATION (EIF), A 501(C)(3) CHARITABLE ORGANIZATION. IMAGES FROM THE STAND UP TO CANCER 2012 AND 2014 SHOWS.
THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION FOR CANCER RESEARCH (AACR) IS STAND UP TO CANCERS SCIENTIFIC PARTNER.

HOT-WEATHER

BEAUTY

TH
5-MIN E
MAKEO UTE
VER

Beauty Hacks
Going from beach towel to bar stool has never looked sexier!
Heres how to get happy-hour ready, faster than you can order a marg.
BY ERIN STOVALL

HOT ON THE
BEACH...HOT AF
FOR TIKI TIME!

MAIN IMAGE: AMANDA MARSALIS/ TRUNK ARCHIVE . STILL S: JEFFRE Y WE STBROOK /STUDIO D.

0 : 0 0 0 : 59

FRESHEN UP

HANDLE YOUR HAIR

Nix sticky skin with a body

wipe. SweetSpots
are alcohol-free and pHbalanced so you can clean up
everywhere without irritation.

Relaxed in the sun? Doves

detoxifying dry shampoo will
soak up oil and grit. Swam all
day? A wave cream like Oribes
tames frizz as hair air-dries.

SWEETSPOT LABS On-the-Go

Wipettes, $3 for 7, target.com

DOVE Refresh+Care Detox &

Purify Dry Shampoo, $4,
drugstores; ORIBE Matte Waves
Texture Lotion, $42, oribe.com

4
3

COOL OFF
Sweat and sun can
seriously dehydrate skin.
Fight back with this waterbased cream gelit is not
tacky and cools on contact
(think of it like AC in a bottle).
ORIGINS Hit Refresh Cooling
Moisturizer With Hawaiian
Mineral Water, $32, origins.com

MAKEUP
GLOW ON
Smooth skin, minimize
blotchiness, and boost radiance
with this perfecting
serum. The ultra-sheer
formula makes mirrorless
application a breeze.
GUERLAIN Radiance in a Flash,
$30, guerlain.com

Forget a full facea swipe of

mascara, touch of powder
bronzer (itll last longer than
cream), and tinted lip balm are
all you need to look gorge.
MAYBELLINE NEW YORK The Falsies
Push Up Drama Mascara in
Blackest Black, $9.50, drugstores;
URBAN DECAY Beached Bronzer in
Sun-Kissed, $28, urbandecay.com;
NEUTROGENA MoistureSmooth
Color Stick in Grapefruit, $8.50,
drugstores

87

BEAUTY

Your
Best
Summer
Skin
THE SUN IS FUN
UNTIL YOUR SKIN
STARTS TO SUFFER.
HERES HOW TO
FIX EVERYTHING
FROM DARK SPOTS
TO DRYNESS.
BY MEG AN DEEM

YOU SEE

Hanging out in the sun

triggers your melanocytes, the pigmentproducing cells. These
cells can manufacture
even color all over
or they can go haywire,
sputtering out more
melanin or increasing
in number to create
freckly or dark spots.
Latte-colored blotches
on the forehead, cheeks,
upper lip, and jawcalled
melasmaare often
caused by hormones and
aggravated by UV light.

Y O U R F I X : First, stop
things from getting worse,
says Annie Chiu, MD, a
dermatologist in Redondo
Beach, California. A daily
application of an SPF 30 or
higher helps prevent new
pigments from forming
and spots from deepening.
Next, block the formation of fresh pigments.
The gold standard is a

hydroquinone cream, says

Joshua Zeichner, MD, a
dermatologist in New York
City. The ingredient blocks
tyrosinase, the enzyme
necessary to produce melanin. You can also try a lotion
with niacinamide, a form
of vitamin B3 that blocks
the transfer of melanin to
the cells in the epidermis.
Find a product you love,

and apply as directed (being

consistent is key) to see a
more even tone in as soon
as a few weeks. For even
faster results, consult your
derm about a Q-switched
laser. It breaks up unwanted
pigments in one or two
treatments. You may want
to steer clear of lasers for
melasmathe heat can
make it worse, says Dr. Chiu.
OPEN HERE

EMMANUELLE HAUGUEL (2). S TILL S: COUR TE SY COMPANIE S.

Dark
Spots or
Patches

ADVERTISEMENT

ABOUT

FACE

Lets get real for a minute and talk about your skincare. Now you can have it all.
Americas #1 anti-aging moisturizer is available in lightweight SPF 30.
This is your game changer: Olay Regenerist SPF 30. So you can look ageless.
More skin and sun tips inside!

YOU SEE

Redness
Even if you were religious
about SPF, you can still end
up red in the face. Heat
triggers blood vessels
to dilate, which can lead to
persistent flushing, says
Dr. Zeichner. Also, summer
activities, like swimming
in a chlorinated pool,
can weaken the skin barrier.
When that happens,
anything were exposed
to (such as pollution) can
cross the barrier, causing
inflammation, says Dr. Chiu.
Y O U R F I X : Look for lotions
with green tea or argan
oil. Think of these natural
anti-inflammatories as
ibuprofen for the skinthey
calm an angry complexion.
At night, use a cream rich
in ceramides, naturally
occurring lipids that help
rebuild the barrier. (Try
Elizabeth Arden Ceramide
Overnight Firming
Mask, $88, elizabetharden
.com.) If youre still rosy,
Leslie Baumann, MD,
a dermatologist in
Miami, suggests a series
of treatments with the
V-beam laser (once
monthly for three months),
which zaps the blood
vessels. It can make a big
difference, she says.

YOU SEE

Dryness
All that time in the pool or
ocean can actually dehydrate
your skinchlorine and
salt can deplete the skins
natural oils. Its not much
better out of the water: Sun
exposure and dry AC can zap
moisture too.
Y O U R F I X : Add a hydrating

essence to your regimen.

While they look like toners,

DON'T HIDE
YOUR UV
DAMAGE
REPAIR IT!

these watery lotions impart

serious moisture into the
skinpat them on after
cleansing, followed by a light
lotion or gel made with
hyaluronic acid or glycerin,
which draw water to
the skin, says Dr. Chiu.

YOU SEE

Fine Lines
The expression looking
weathered is pretty literal.
Sun exposure and dry air
can cause wrinkles to look
more apparentthe less
hydrated and plump the skin
is, the more pronounced fine
lines appear, says Dr. Chiu.
Oxidative damage can also
break down collagen,
which gives skin its bounce.
Y O U R F I X : Its easy: retinoids.
They boost collagen production and improve cell turnover,
resulting in better texture and
reduction of wrinkles, says
Dr. Chiu. The other key word:
antioxidants, molecules that
neutralize oxidative damage.
Vitamin C is especially
powerfulit plumps the skin,
helping fill in grooveswhile
antioxidants like vitamin E
and ferulic acid (this one has
all three: SkinCeuticals C E
Ferulic, $163, skinceuticals
.com) can help improve
the appearance of fine lines.
(These topicals can take up to
six months for the full effect.)
For more dramatic results, ask
your derm if youre a candidate
for Botox or a dermal filler.

YOUR SKIN ESSENTIALS

DARK SPOTS OR PATCHES
This niacinamide
booster can be mixed
with lotion or used neat.
PAULAS CHOICE Resist 10%
Niacinamide Booster,
$42, paulaschoice.com

Fade discoloration with

this two-step system.
PERRICONE MD Thio:Plex
Intensive, $145, Ulta

REDNESS
This light lotion is
comprised of just 10
ingredients, each chosen
for its soothing powers.
CHANEL La Solution 10 de
Chanel, $80, chanel.com

Free of all potential

irritants, this cream will
calm cranky skin stat.
SKINFIX Nourishing
Cream, $25, Ulta

DRYNESS
With hyaluronic acid and
glycerin, this essence
packs serious moisture.
Make it your first step.
ORIGINS Original Skin
Essence Lotion, $25,
origins.com

Part serum, part lotion,

this hydrator is the perfect
end-of-summer refresher.
LANCME nergie de Vie
Liquid Care, $55, Sephora

FINE LINES
This gorgeous vitamin
Csoaked oil plumps lines
while minimizing
free-radical damage.
CLINIQUE Smart Treatment
Oil, $44, clinique.com

A gentler version of retinol,

this derivative softens
lines while hydrating skin.
OLAY Regenerist Intensive
Repair Treatment,
$26, drugstores

SPF 365
WEAR IT
E VERY DAY !

ADVERTISEMENT

FACE THE FUTURE

OF YOUR SKIN.
The summer is winding downbut incidental sun exposure on your face isnt.
Even if youre not the outdoorsy type, your daily skincare needs suncare.
Nourish and help protect your skin with Olay Regenerist Micro-Sculpting
Cream SPF 30. The proven formula hydrates and renews skins surface, and
also helps protect skin against harmful UVA/UVB rays to prevent future aging.

olay.com #AGELESS

2016 P&G

POWERFULANTI-AGING
LIGHTWEIGHTSPF

The ultimate anti-aging secret? SPF.

Sun damage is the #1 cause of skin aging, so get lightweight
protection and powerful anti-aging in these essential formulas.
AGELESS

KOF

BEAUTY
RE B

ECC
A

MIN

SLEEP IN!
Ditch the hot tools and cut styling time

DIRTY HAIR,
DONT CARE
These runway
styles and product picks make
lived-in locks
look fresh.

Messy
Fringe

CO

Flyaway
Fix

AC

3
CURL POWER
Hit reboot with this
aloe-infused, textureresetting mist.
1. OUIDAD Botanical Boost,
$20, ouidad.com

COME CLEAN
Blast on bangs or
roots to absorb oil.
Bonus: Tapioca starch
adds sexy volume.

TO MM
Y HILF
IGER

CRE A
T HE T URE S O
W IND
F

C OA C H

TwoSecond
Twist

2. SEBASTIAN PROFESSIONAL
Dry Clean Only, $19, Ulta

SHINE ON
Rocking a braid or
twist? A bit of this
adds luster and hold.
3. WELLA Professionals
Eimi Just Brilliant, $19,
wella.com

FRIZZ FIX
A blend of five different oils tame fuzz
without a filmy feel.

CrazySexy
Curls
Double
Braids

94

4. LIVING PROOF No
Frizz Nourishing Oil, $38,
livingproof.com

BEAUTY

1
DAMAGE
CONTROL
Four ways to
solve summers
biggest
hair issues.

DRYNESS
Take strands from
strawlike to silky
with a scoop of this
hydrating mask.

FRIZZ

1. GARNIER Whole Blends

Avocado Oil and
Shea Butter Nourishing
Mask, $7, drugstores

Apply this treatment before shampoo and get smooth

hair for a week.
Lightweight silicone offers a barrier
against humidity.

RCH

A few spritzes
wrap strands in a
protective keratin
shield, temporarily
sealing frays.

4. JOHN FRIEDA Frizz

Ease 10 Day Tamer,
$13, drugstores

2. ORLANDO PITA PLAY

Atmos-Shield Hair
Protectant Treatment
Spray, $34, ulta.com

TORY BU

SPLIT ENDS

BRASSINESS

NoEffort
Knot
Textured
Pony

MY STRAIGHT HAIR IS...

MY WAVES ARE...

MY CURLS ARE...

FRIZZY

F L AT

UNDEFINED

U N R U LY

Apply a dime-size
amount to hair once
its 75 percent dry to
lock down flyaways.

Apply to towel-dried
strands, so keratin
can build fullness.
Flip your part to set
height into place.

Mist this from root

to tipsugar crystals give lazy waves
new lifethen wind
hair into two
high buns until dry.

Finger-comb
through damp hair
in a downward
direction (dont
scrunch it up) to
keep the cuticle flat.

sticky gel through

wet hair, wrapping
ends around
your fingers for
added definition.

cream, then make a

twist-out: Do small
two-strand twists all
over, stretch to opposite side, and pin.

REDKEN
Curvaceous Wind
Up, $19, ulta.com

R+CO Twister
Curl Primer, $25,
randco.com

PANTENE Pro-V Curl

Scrunching Spray
Gel, $6, drugstores

DEVACURL Supercream
Coconut Curl Styler,
$28, devacurl.com

MARULA OIL Rare

Oil 3-in-1 Styling
Cream, $30,
raremarula.com
for salons

GOLDWELL Kerasilk
Repower Plumping
Cream,
$28, goldwell.us

96 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

LOOSE

TIGHT

SOURCES: RODNEY CUTLER, REDKEN BRAND AMBASSADOR AND CO-OWNER OF LICARI CUTLER SALON IN NYC; KIM KIMBLE, PANTENE CELEBRITY STYLIST

B AC K S TAG E , F R O M TO P: I VA N L AT T U N DA / I M A X T R E E .C O M; DA N & C O R I N A L EC C A .

3. RITA HAZAN True

Color Ultimate Shine
Gloss in Breaking
Brass, $26, Sephora

PRABAL GURUNG

UV rays and chlorine oxidize dyed or

bleached hair. This
violet-toned gloss
neutralizes unwanted
orange and yellow
tones in minutes.

WIPE YOUR SLATE CLEAN

WITH CLEANRIPPLE TEXTURE

GO COTTONELLE GO COMMANDO

THEM
US

See how
it feels

Leading U.S. value brand. Registered Trademark and *Trademark of Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc. KCWW

EDITED BY
S A R A AU S T I N &
D A N I E L L E M C N A L LY

JOE POLILLIO/GE T T Y IMAGES

Sports
Make
You
Smarter
THE OLYMPICS HAVE YOU WISHING YOU WERE MORE
ATHLETIC? LEARNING A NEW SPORT NOT ONLY
IMPROVES FITNESS LEVELS BY ENGAGING DIFFERENT
MUSCLES, BUT RESEARCH SHOWS IT CAN BOOST
BRAINPOWER TOO. SIGN UP FOR THE SUMMER CAMPS
ON THE NEXT PAGE TO LEARN SOME NEW SKILLZ.
BY LISA JHUNG

99

FITNESS BUZZ
TENNIS!

ROCK CLIMBING!

Learn from women

among women in the
waters off Puerto
Vallarta, Mexico, with
Las Olas Surf Safaris.
(6-day, 5-night
packages from $2,695;
surasolas.com)

Immerse yourself in
the game at the base of
the Rocky Mountains
at The Broadmoors
Adult Tennis Camps.
(3-day, 2-night camps
from $867 per person;
broadmoor.com)

By the last day. youll

be scaling the cliffs of
Oregons Smith Rock
State Park like SpiderWoman. (3-day, 2night camps from
$675; chockstone
climbing.com)

NIKE BANDIT
Subtle ventilation holes help
keep your face cool and the
lenses from fogging up.
$166, store.nike.com

SMITH BRIDGETOWN
These impact-resistant lenses
wont crackno matter how
often you bump into your beach
volleyball teammates.
$99, smithoptics.com

OAKLEY MOONLIGHTER
Sweat away! These shades
have comfy nose pads
that ensure a no-slip grip
and a fun, retro t.
$140, oakley.com

ROKA PHANTOM

THROW
SHADE

Stepping out for a workout, or just going

for a coffee run? Sunglasses are a mustwear to avoid eye damage like sunburns
and cataracts. These pairs manage to be
fitness-friendly and fashionable.
HELEN ZOOK

The sleek titanium frame feels

weightless yet has nearly double
the strength of your average
metal sunnies for extra durability.
$275, rokasports.com

ASK THE EXPERT

SHOULD I EAT
BEFORE OR
AFTER MY
WORKOUT?
For the average
exerciser,
theres no
need to fuel up
aggressively
pre-gym or
refuel after. The
previous nights
meal should
be sufficient to
cover most a.m.
workouts, and a
banana is likely
enough to ace a
workout before
dinner. One
caution: Having
carbs right
after cardio
could cancel
out some of
the fat-burning
benefits,
according
to recent
research from
the University
of Surrey. If
youre doing
cardio to burn
fat, wait 90
minutes, then
eat a healthy
meal of protein
and carbs.
If you have
just finished
a strength
session and are
looking to build
muscle, have a
fruit smoothie
made with
yogurt or milk
for protein (20
grams is more
than enough).
MELINDA FULMER
SOURCE: ADAM COLLINS,
PHD, PROGRAM
DIRECTOR FOR
NUTRITION AT THE
UNIVERSITY OF SURREY

F R O M T O P : K AT H R I N Z I E G L E R / G E T T Y I M A G E S ; B E N G O L D S T E I N / S T U D I O D , P R O P S T Y L I S T: G A B R I E L R I V E R A F O R R J
BENNETT REPRESENTS.

3
SPORTS
TO
TRY

SURFING!

FITNESS BUZZ
INSTANT
TIP

Run on
Eggshells
Running injuries have been blamed on
heel striking, wearing the wrong sneaks,
even wearing shoes at all. But a key
indicator of whether or not youll get hurt is
how hard you land, says a recent study.
Do this to gauge how heavily you run.
LOOK UP
If, when you gaze
ahead, you notice
a lot of up-anddown motion, thats
an indication youre
pounding. Take
shorter steps to stay
closer to the ground
and reduce bounce.

LISTEN UP

STRAIGHTEN UP

If you run quietly,

youre likely running
lightly. Adversely,
slappy steps are
heavy steps. Take out
your ear buds once
every 10 minutes,
listen to your footfall,
and adjust.

Keep your head

high and your pelvis
underneath you.
Good posture helps
lead to light running. L.J.
SOURCE: GRANT ROBISON,
OLYMPIAN, RUNNING COACH,
AND COFOUNDER OF
GOODFORMRUNNING.COM

F R O M T O P : J E F F O L S O N / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T. C O M ; M C K I B I L L O .

SPORTCUT

GIVE GOLF A TRY

Want a weekend activity thats better with friends? Golf is very socialmatches are always played with someone else,
says Stacy Lewis, two-time LPGA Rolex Player of the Year. Maybe thats why about 1.5 million young women play regularly.
Follow Lewiss tips for sending your drive down the fairway.
the club with your
1. Grip
left hand on top and right
hand below it (switch if
left-handed). Stand with
feet slightly more than
shoulder-width apart, back
straight, knees slightly
bent so butt is behind
heels, and let arms hang
loose. The club, not your
body, should reach out
to the ball.

2.

Bend right arm to draw

club back; keep left arm
straight. When club is
waist-high, it should be
parallel to your target line
(the imaginary line that
you want the ball to follow). If you twist your
body too soon, the club
will be at the wrong angle.
Lift club past shoulders,
rotating hips as you do.

start downswing, shift

3. To
weight left and pull the
club with left hand (as
opposed to pushing with
the right). At impact, the
club should be at a slight
angle, with hands just in
front of the ball. Rotate
(but dont swing) hips,
and bring club around to
the opposite shoulder.
DANIELLE KAM

AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

103

not all
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The DD-Cup
Workout
Big boobs are a blessing and a curse. Extra
weight up top can lead
to muscle imbalances
and major back problems. To counter that,
strengthen the shoulders, back, and core
with this routine from
celebrity trainer Adam
Rosante. It improves
posture too, so youll
you look taller and
more confident
whatever your bra size.
BY DANIELLE M C N A L LY

CHEST STRETCH

Lie on your right side,

arms extended at shoulder
height, right leg straight,
left leg bent and resting on
a towel so knee and hip are
level [A]. Keeping right arm
down, rotate torso and left
arm to the left [B]. Return to
start. Do 5 reps; switch sides.

STRONG START Chest and

back muscles can be very
tight in gals with big boobs
(or desk jobs). This move
enhances mobility, explains
Rosante. Start your day with
itwhether youre doing the
full regimen or not.

VEST, Ultracor, Barneys New

York. SPORTS BRA, Victorias
Secret Sport, similar styles at
victoriassecret.com. SNEAKERS,
Nike, nike.com. LEGGINGS,
Michi, michiny.com

106

WORKOUT
2

HIP TAP

Stand with feet hip-width

apart, holding a dumbbell in
each hand with arms straight
down. Keeping back at,
hinge forward at hips. Bend
elbows, drawing weights to
touch hips [shown]. Squeezing shoulder blades, hold as
long as you can.
JUST BEAT IT This pose

helps you target the right

muscles (the backs of your
shoulders) rather than
letting the biceps take over
like they can during rows.
To make the drill more
interesting, time yourself,
write it down, then try to go
a little longer next session.

H OW-T O
Perform all the
reps of each move
back-to-back, rest
one minute, then
repeat the circuit
twice more.

BACK BURNER Stand

with feet hip-width

apart, arms at shoulder
height in front of you, holding a resistance band with
both hands [A]. Open arms
out to sides, squeezing
shoulder blades [B]. Return
to start. Do 10 reps.

USE THE BEST TOOL

A resistance band
allows you to isolate the
upper-back muscles, says
Rosante. Doing this with
weights would overload the
front of your shoulders.
(Kinda the opposite of what
youre trying to do here.)
B

PHOTOGR A PHED BY PERR Y H AGOPIA N

107

WORKOUT

POSTURE PERFECTER

Stand with feet hipwidth apart, facing a pole or

tree. Wrap a resistance band
around it and hold the ends
in each hand, arms extended
at shoulder height in front of
you, palms down (or if you
have shoulder pain, facing
each other). Band should
be taut. Bend elbows out to
side, drawing sts toward
chin [shown]. Pause. Return
to start. Do 15 reps.

SHOULDER SCULPTOR

Lie facedown on a mat,

arms extended overhead
wider than shoulder-width
apart, so they form a Y. Lift
head and chest [A]. Hold
for 15 seconds. Stay lifted
and draw elbows to sides to
form a W [B]. Hold for 15
seconds. Extend arms out to

108 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

side to form a T [C]. Hold for

15 seconds.
TIME IT RIGHT At rst, 15

seconds may seem like forever. As you build strength,

you should be able to hold
a smidge longer. After 3
weeks of doing this routine
on the reg, try 20 seconds a
letter, suggests Rosante.

H A IR: J O N AT HO N P OW E L L AT C RE AT I V E M A N AG E ME N T M C 2 U SIN G O RIB E . M A K EUP: S T E PH G IM S O N AT FO RD MI A MI U SIN G

MAKE UP FOR EVER. MANICURE: DONNA D USING CHANEL LE VERNIS. MODEL: MICHELLE SCHALL /MC2 MODEL
M A N A G E M E N T. P R O D U C T I O N : S E L E C T S S E R V I C E S .

TOP TOPS Great breasts

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We love styles from Victorias Secret. Shop by support (minimum, medium,
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up to 38DDD or 40DD.

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THE BEAUTY OF

HUSTLING
HARDER
JACLYN HILL is more than a makeup artistshes the real-deal
makeup guru whose YouTube videos draw millions of loyal fans.
With her easy-to-follow instructions, friendly persona, and erce
work ethic, Jaclyn built her passion for makeup into a lucrative
business, joining the ranks of the top vloggers in the world. Here,
the queen of tips, tricks, and tutorials shares her how-tos for
getting where you want to go, in a way thats all your own.

Everything I do, I
do because I believe in
it. No matter what
happens, I want to look
at myself in the mirror
and know that I stayed
true to who I am.

MAKEUP CALL

Follow Jaclyns advice to get

to the top of your game.
DREAM BIG I have always
had a plan for my lifeI
knew I was going to make
my family proud. Even when
people laughed in my face, I
never doubted myself.
BE YOURSELF People are

MOOD M A KEOVE R

When Jaclyns running on empty,

simple steps help her recharge.
BREATHE When things get tough, I take a

few minutes in complete silence to just

breathe deeply.
UNPLUG If Im having trouble coming up with fresh ideas,

chances are I havent been taking enough time for

myself. Ill take a day offor just unplug my phone for a
few hoursand come back feeling like a new person.

attracted to condence, so
instead of wasting time
wishing you had a different
body type or face shape,
celebrate what makes you
an individual.
FORGET BEAUTY SLEEP

Nothing happens without

hard work. Take your
vision and originality and
then work twice as hard as
everyone else!

RELAX If its all work and no play, you lose your sense

of self. Taking the time to unwind actually makes me

better at what I do. So, Ill have a glass of wine, watch
a funny movie, listen to music, or go into my closet
and put together outts (my personal zen).

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YOUR HUSTLE.
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SPONSORED BY CHEVROLET

10
S TA N DA R D

YOU WERE
BORN IN THE
DRIVERS
SEAT

A I R B AG S 6

and the all-new 2016

CHEVROLET CRUZE
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Up to 42 MPG highway fuel efciency5

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B E C A U S E , F O R YO U, I T S A LWAY S G O -T I M E . V I S I T A L L N E W C H E V Y C R U Z E . C O M .

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LOVING THE
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ready to take on the world.
Find your style at
skechers.com

FOOD BUZZ

Crush Your
Coffee Order

THE
COSMO
TA S T E
TE ST

Cold brew ruled summer 2015, and now theres nitro

coffeea nitrogen-charged java that comes out of a tap
or in cans from Stumptown and Caveman Coffee
and bottles from Lucky Jack. Should you switch to this
bubbly for your caffeine fix? Check our chart.

Cold Brew

Nitro Coffee

Iced Tea

The normcore
of summer sips,
it is convenient
and easy to make
and wont break
the bank.

High temps can

degrade coffee.
Since this is
prepared without
heat, its less bitter, more sweet.

With its creamy

mouthfeel and
chocolaty or nutty
notes, you can
skip the creamer
and sweetener.

Less caffeinated,
simple to make
on your own, and
gentle on your
wallet.

Chilling hot joe

creates an acrid
tasteenjoying it
may require milk,
sugar, or syrups
(aka calories).

Pricier than
regular iced
coffee, since
its more laborintensive.

Youll have to go to
a caf or market
its not easy to
make at home. At
either, its gonna
cost you.

LIKE TAP BEER,

NITRO COFFEE
IS KEGGED AND
PRESSURIZED,
RESULTING IN
A DENSE HEAD
OF FOAM.
SOURCE: SAMUEL LEWONTIN,
GENERAL MANAGER,
EVERYMAN ESPRESSO

Less caffeinated.
Also, its likely to
be loaded with
sugars. Go with
unsweetened.
CELIA SHATZMAN

HELEN ZOOK

KIND BAR DARK

CHOCOLATE
NUTS & SEA SALT
This filling cluster of
whole nuts has 200
calories, 5 g of sugar,
and 6 g of protein.
TASTING NOTES Satisfies sweet and salty
cravings at once.
HEALTH
WARRIOR
BANANA NUT
CHIA BAR
The 100-calorie
snack is full of omega3-rich chia seeds
plus 3 g of protein and
just 5 g of sugar.
TASTING NOTES Yay,

cinnamon spiciness!
MIXED ROASTED
NUT LARABAR
This bite packs 230
calories and 6 g each
of protein and sugar
into a rectangle of five
nut varieties plus
dates and sea salt.
TASTING NOTES Nutty
with good crunch.
SOURCE: MONICA AUSLANDER, RD,
FOUNDER OF ESSENCE NUTRITION

PASS
ON
PLASTIC

Its probably not news to you that bisphenol A (BPA) should be avoided. The chemical compound found
in many plastics is an estrogen mimic that may contribute to PCOS, breast cancer, and obesity. The
newer bummer is that many scientists say plastics labeled BPA-free may not be any better. The alternatives used are nearly identical to BPA chemically, so its not surprising that they have similar effects in
our bodies, says Deborah Kurrasch, PhD, who has studied BPA and its substitutes. For fridge storage,
opt for ceramic or glass. Brown-bagging? Go for stainless steel or a wooden bento box. VIRGINIA PELLEY

110 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

C O F F E E : J O N PAT E R S O N / S T U D I O D ; F O O D S T Y L I S T: E U G E N E J H O F O R P L U M R E P S . G R A N O L A B A R S : B E N G O L D S T E I N /
S T U D I O D ; S T Y L I S T: G A B R I E L R I V E R A F O R R J B E N N E T T R E P R E S E N T S .

Iced Coffee

Promote yourself to boss of lunch.

With Minute Ready to Serve Rice at your desk, you can enjoy
perfectly portioned, microwaveable rice in just 60 seconds.
Try varieties like our 100% whole grain, gluten free Brown Rice.
For all the ways to love Minute Rice,
visit minuterice.com. We can help.
W
NE

BASMATI | JASMINE |

2016 Riviana Foods Inc.

MULTI-GRAIN MEDLEY | BROWN & WILD | WHITE

HAPPINESS BUZZ
P E R C E N TA G E O F 18 - T O
2 5 -Y E A R - O L D S W H O
V IE W SEEING A
THERA PIST A S A SIGN
OF STRENGTH . W E
A G R E E ! I F Y O U WA N T
TO H A SH THINGS OUT
W ITH A PRO, V ISIT
A PA . O R G T O F I N D O N E .
SOURCE: MENTAL HEALTH AND SUICIDE SURVEY, 2015,
HARRIS POLL

HERBS?
THE UPSIDE OF

When faced with

nothing to do
standing in line,
waiting for a
friendour reflex
is to do something,
even if thats
scrolling through
Instagramagain.
Many people would
even prefer electric

THE HYPE
alone with their
thoughts, according
to a study in the
journal Science. But
doing zero, zilch,
nada can be good
for you. Studies
have found that
letting your mind

SURPRISING
NEW
PREGNANCY
WARNING
112

enhance creativity.
Plus, when you
direct thoughts to
feel-good places, it
can add to your happiness and subtract
from stress, says
Timothy D. Wilson,
PhD, professor of
psychology at the
University of Virginia. He suggests

taking time now to

jot down stuff you
enjoy: your pet,
happy memories,
dream vacations.
When you get a free
moment, think
about those things
instead of reaching
for your phone.
KAREN ASP

Pregnant women are expected to be all glow-y,

but pre-baby blues happenand are as concerning as the postpartum kind. Both maternal and
paternal depression are linked with a higher risk of
preterm birth, with depression in dads tied to a possible rise in stress for the mom-to-be, a new Swedish
study reports. Untreated mental illness reaches the
placenta, says Catherine Birndorf, MD, a specialist in reproductive psychiatry. The U.S. Preventive
Services Task Force recently identified expectant
moms as at-risk and recommended screening for
them. Your ob can do the initial check. HELEN ZOOK

Wellness gurus love them.

Frank Lipman, MD, an
integrative and functional
medicine expert, has
hailed this class of plant
extracts (which includes
rhodiola, eleuthero, and
ashwagandha) as a
miracle, explaining that
they help the body
regulate stress-response
hormones.

THE SCIENCE
Theres not a lot of human
clinical research to back
up the claims, says
Adriane Fugh-Berman,
MD, associate professor
of pharmacology at
Georgetown University
Medical Center. However,
some studies on anxiety
and depression reduction
have shown promise.
Theres little risk in taking
them, she adds, although
they might not be worth
the money.
MELINDA FULMER

C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P L E F T: M I C H A E L C O G L I A N T R Y/ G E T T Y I M A G E S ; A L A M Y; U N I V E R S A L P I C T U R E S / C O U R T E S Y N E A L
PETERS COLLECTION.

Adaptogens have been

used to treat fatigue,
anxiety, and depression in
Eastern medicine for
centuries. Now the herbs
are available as teas, pills,
and powders for your
a.m. smoothie. But read
up before you pay up.

S H O U L D YO U
GET A
D I A P H R AG M ?

They havent been popular since Seinfeld was, but that may
change with Caya. The new one-size-fits-most, contoured model
doesnt require a special doctors visit for a fitting, as previous
ones did, and is comfier and easier to use. Insert Caya before sex
(use spermicide too), then remove 6 to 24 hours after. Its only 84
percent effectiveslightly more than condoms but less than an
IUD or the Pill. Still, its a nonhormonal option for women who
want control over contraception, says ob-gyn Jennifer Conti, MD,
clinical instructor at Stanford University. There seems to be a hipster resurgence of the diaphragm, she reports. DANIELLE MCNALLY

SEX IS HOT,
MGS NOT
Unfortunately, theres another
STI to worry about. Fortunately,
weve got you covered.
WHAT IT IS
Mycoplasma genitaliumor MG, a bacterial
infection rst discovered
in 1981is getting buzz
now, after a study found
its likely spread through
sex. About 1 percent of
young adults have it.

WHAT IT DOES
Warning signs include
discharge, itching, and
discomfort, although 56
percent of women studied had no symptoms. If
untreated, MG may lead
to cervicitis and pelvic
inammatory disease, a
cause of fertility issues.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO

Protect yourself with
condoms, natch. Ask
your doc to test you if
youve had chronic
symptoms or trouble
conceiving. Its treatable
with antibiotics.
LAUREL LEICHT

114 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

Ask
Dr.
Ashton

Im always
getting UTIs
after sex with
my new BF. This
didnt happen
with other guys.
What are we
doing wrong?
Are you doing
anything new
in bed, like anal
play? Thats a
likely culprit.
The vagina, urethra, and rectum are so close
togetherit only
takes a speck of
bacteria to cause
an infection. Or
perhaps youre
simply getting it
on more often,
which ups your
odds. To keep
UTIs at bay,
clean yourself
pre-sex, empty
your bladder
immediately
before and after,
and use a new
condom or have
your partner
wash completely
before switching
from anal to
vaginal sex.
SOURCE: JENNIFER ASHTON, MD,
OB-GYN AND ABC NEWS CHIEF
WOMENS HEALTH CORRESPONDENT

D E NI S E C R E W/AU G U S T IM AG E

BODY NEWS

nourish
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STOP THE

WOULD THE WORLD CEASE

TURNING IF WE ALL CARED
A LITTLE LESS ABOUT HOW
FLAT OUR BELLIES ARE?
BY TA F F Y B R O D E S S E R- A K N E R

ABSANITY

117

A M E R I C A S A B S E S S I O N

vyusa
bellyen

IS IT TIME TO TALK ABOUT WH Y WEVE CHOSEN

ABS AS THE THING WE PICK ON? THE THING THAT IS
MAY BE THE RE ASON YOU BOUGHT THIS MAG A ZINE ?
Ive been alerted to the
fact that we are living in the
age of the butt. (The fact
that body types go in and
out of style is a bananas
phenomenon that deserves
its own story.) Your butt,
ladies, is now allowed to
become as big and floppy as
youd like. Let it luxuriate
and dimple. Implant it if
you need to. Does anything
sound better than having a
silicone pad inserted into
your butt? It must be like
having a cloud chair wherever you go!
But the age of the butt
exists only as a footnote to
our real age, the age of the

absahem, The Age of the

Abswhich has been ongoing and shows no end in
sight. How big our boobs
seem when theyre hanging
over the straight line of our
six-packs! How glorious
our new fat asses look when
seen in profile with our
washboard abs! Weve been
living in this age for a long
time. Is it time to talk about
why weve chosen abs as the
thing we pick on? The thing
that is maybe the reason
you bought this magazine?
As far as body distractions go, our abs obsession
isnt exactly detrimental. It
falls somewhere smack in

the middle of the dystopic

anorexia goal of I will have
thigh gap and the more
innocuous I wish my posture was a little better.
A strong core is essential
and often the first thing
you work on when youre in
physical therapy for other
parts of your body. Everything evolves from the core,
so if your core isnt strong,
the rest of you isnt going to
be strong, physical therapist and certified athletic
trainer Michael Weis told
me as he oversaw treatment
for an injury I might not
have experienced if Id had
a better core. If you have a

PHO NE : J O N AT H A N K N OW L E S /G E T T Y IM AG E S . PHOTO S O N PHO NE : MIH A ILO MILOVA N OV IC /G E T T Y IM AG E S; DE A NN A Q UIN TO N L A R S O N /G E T T Y

I M AG E S . P R E V I O U S S P R E A D : S U B WAY S TAT I O N : C H R I S T I A N A S L U N D/G E T T Y I M AG E S; P H OTO O N P O S T E R S: T I M TA D D E R /G E T T Y I M AG E S .

vyusa
bellyen

118

_abs
a_plus

YOUR BODY ONLY changes

when you change it, said
the woman standing over
me, which, sure, hard to
argue with that. She looked
around, waiting for us all
to look reinspired, but we
wouldnt be. This was our
50th crunch, which followed three minutes of
hard planking. We had kettlebelled it. Now we were
about to take a break and
hammer out our obliques
by doing the elbow-toopposite-knee maneuver.
Our trainer delivered her
instructions in the manner
of someone who wanted to
yell at us to quit being such
babies but whose boss had
warned her to be nice.
This class was called
Butt and Gut, one I took in
anticipation of a vacation I
was going on, but I couldnt
figure out when the butt
stuff would start. It was
always the gut. Maybe it
used to be differentback
when having a squishy and
unseemly butt was as out
of the question as having
a squishy and unseemly
stomachand theyd never
gotten around to changing
the name. Day after day,
it was my gut that looked
up at me like a sad child
who had been punished for
doing nothing wrong.

KEEP THAT
JUST SHOWERED

FEELING
ALL DAY

EVERY DAY
WITH ALWAYS
DAILIES LINERS.

Stay fresh day after day after day with

these thin, exible liners. Try it for a week,
and feel the difference for yourself.

strong foundation, you can

do anything you want, but
if you have a weak foundation, you cant. Think
of your house. Would you
build a $2 million house on
Play-Doh or on concrete?
Setting aside the fact that
he thinks journalists own
$2 million houses, hes correct. It is wonderful to take
care of yourself, and everyone should do whatever you
want to make your body the
way you want it.
So why not be enthusiastic about ones abdominals?
Why not set up a Tumblr
devoted to their perfection,
like so, so, so many people
have? Because there might
be a disparity between the
strong core Michael Weis
is talking about and the
shadowy rippled abs of our
dreams. Because we might
have taken this too far.
We have become people
who publishers know will
purchase a book called Zero
Belly Diet. Not strong, not
flat. Just zero. No more
belly. We have debated
buying those Kardashianendorsed waist-cinchers,
just in case. A million
Victorian-era women cant
be wrong (yes, they can, by
the way). We have plunked
down $200 for a device
called the Ab Circle Pro,
whose makers claimed that
a mere three minutes of
usage was equal to 100 situps, which is part of what
made them the target of
a Federal Trade Commission complaint in 2012. We
have become people who
purchase the Ab Roller. We
have become people who
purchase the Ab Roller Plus.
And when the Ab Roller
doesnt come through, we
have become people who

blame our own bodies or

our lack of willpower. Im
here to tell you, its not you.
It was never you.

120

1614

WHEN IT COMES to our midsections, some academics

argue we may be operating under a real evolutionary imperative. Back in
1993, a researcher named
Devendra Singh, working out of the University of
Texas at Austin, proposed
that there is an ideal waistto-hip ratio of 70 percent,
which not only makes a
lady optimally attractive
but is also associated with
higher fertility and lower
risk for diabetes, heart
disease, and various cancers. The hourglass figure,
Singh suggested, promotes
social drooliness in onlookers. And because evolution

thinks were still just sitting

around waiting to attract a
big, strong mate (because
evolution never read Cosmo
or learned how far weve
come), well, a flat belly it is.
Abs have been a symbol of perfection since at
least the Ancient Greeks,
says Amanda Luyster,
PhD, lecturer in art history
at the College of the Holy
Cross. Back in the Byzantine era, abdominals were
first worked into portrayals of Jesus Christ to drive
home the point that he was
special, potent, incredibly
powerful. The six-pack abs
are a way to show the specialness of this body and
draw attention to the physicality through which salvation is effected, she says.
In 19th-century Britain and America, fitness
became the focus of the socalled Muscular Christianity movement, after the
Industrial Revolution and
all that sitting had made

Jane Fondas Workout Book helps ignite

the modern fitness
movement. (Leotards with belts were
less enduring.)

our bodies soft, soft, soft.

Exercise was preached to
make for an ideal of Christian manliness. In 1924,
an Irish physical culture
instructor named Frederick Arthur Hornibrook
published The Culture of
the Abdomen: The Cure
of Obesity and Constipation. Hornibrook called
out the swollen belly of the
modern (well, 1924 modern) man and prescribed a
series of rhythmic exercises
based on native dances.
The book went through 18
printings and remained a
popular way for the British to lose weight until the
1960s. Still, these messages
were mostly targeted at
men, says Pirkko Markula,
PhD, a professor in sociocultural studies of physical
activity at the University
of Alberta in Canada.
In the early 1990s, a
plucky fitness instructor
with a beautiful face and
very little body fat named

F R O M L E F T: G E T T Y I M A G E S ; S T E V E S C H A P I R O / G E T T Y I M A G E S ; C O U R T E S Y E V E R E T T C O L L E C T I O N ; C O U R T E S Y TA M I L E E
W E B B; K E V I N K A N E /G E T T Y I M AG E S; J O H N S H E A R E R /G E T T Y I M AG E S; @ S A R A H S TAG E ; @ M A K E U P M E R I .

A M E R I C A S A B S E S S I O N

A M E R I C A S A B S E S S I O N

YOU FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS IN YOUR S TOMACH.

WE HAVE CHOSEN THE PL ACE WHERE WE FEEL OUR
EMOTIONS AND TRIED TO SPOT-REDUCE IT AWAY.
Tamilee Webb took to the
gym and taped a video that
would be known as Abs of
Steel. The video contained
three 10-minute segments,
easy enough to doyou can
do anything for 10 minutes,
right?and was the followup to Webbs video Buns of
Steel 3. On the videos cover
was Webb herself, oiled and
tanned, dressed in a royal
blue exercise bra and bikini
bottoms as low-rise as the
1990s would allow, which is
to say right at her belly button. Her stomachnow her
stomach was something (it
still is). In the picture, you
cant see her head or her
legs, but thats the point,
according to Webb, and
also probably why the video

did so well. It outsold the

crazy-popular Buns, and
Webb went on to star in a
sequel, Arms & Abs of Steel,
and 19 other videos.
Webb wasnt prepared
for how well the abs video
sold. Now, talking to me
before one of the classes
she still teaches for a fitness club in California,
she guesses why. Your abs
are anterior, says Webb.
Theyre the front, so if Im
approaching you, if the
body was naked or had on
a bikini, what is the main
thing people are drawn to?
Its almost like the center
point of everything.
Still, more of us owned
Abs of Steel than actually
used it on a regular basis,

according to a study out of

the University of My College Dorm Exercise Video
Shelf. Girls in the 90s, at
least the ones I knew, were
mostly doing step aerobics. Ab toning didnt really
blow up until one day when
a budding young pop star
was asked how she stayed
in shape and the answer
was that she did up to
1,000 sit-ups per day.
Who was it? Why, it
was Britney, bitch! Britney came along, slithering
up a high school hallway
in a sexy schoolgirl outfit, abs so hot, they needed
to be exposed to airthey
needed to breathe. Britneys abs became the abs
we aspired to. I tell you

now, there are people who

can identify an actual era
in Britneys career by what
her abs looked like at a particular time. They can tell
Oops!I Did It Again abs
from Im a Slave 4 U abs
and be right.
And that is how weve
gotten here, to the point
where a rock-hard belly is
the ultimate signifier of
hotness and hard work.
Were women, and once we
set goals, we are hell-bent
on achieving them. So we
keep working at it, counting
each canif its a six-pack,
each one is a can?until
we have the full half dozen.
Last year, a model made the
news for figuring out a way
to have a six-pack when she
was pregnant.
The biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD,
told me, with women piling into the job market in
cultures around the world,
we seem to want to have
real independence. And

Los Angeles lingerie

model Sarah Stage
shows off her
superfit baby belly
to followers.

2016

Janet Jacksons abs

make a comeback at
age 40. As she tells
Us Weekly, she
dropped 60 pounds
in four months.

2015

At the VMAs, Britney

snuggles a snake
and shows off the
results of doing up to

2006

Tamilee Webbs Abs

of Steel video is a
surprise smash.

2001

1991

UTION OF ABS
Beauty vlogger
Makeup by Meri earns
141,000 views on
Instagram for a how-to
on faking a six-pack
with contouring.

BUT OUR GOALS might not

always be in line with biological possibility. Most
women, unless they are in
the abs business, are not
naturally able to achieve
the rock-hard stomachs
we see on Instagram.
Paradoxically, the areas
where we store fatupper
arms, abdominals, pelvis,
thighsare the areas that
[we want to] remain the
leanest, says the University
of Albertas Markula, who

122

is also a Pilates instructor.

Abdominals are among the
most difficult to get to that
lean and toned shape.
It is only fair to paint
you a disclosure here. I
hope I dont sound bitter.
I am someone who has, to
say the least, struggled with
my abdominal area.
Let me tell you about my
stomach. Maybe its best
to think of it as the worlds
grossest smiley face, with a
grin of stretch marks punctuated by a floppy bellybutton nose. It is where I
house my C-section scars.
It is where three tiny white
marks still exist from a laparoscopic appendectomy I
had 10 years ago. It is something Ive stared at straight
down from above. I have
sucked it in. I have given it
the finger.
But also, my stomach is where my kids lean
when they watch mov-

ies; its the part of me I

hold when I laugh. I sort
of love my stomach too,
since it is representative
of the life Ive lived. There
is an incredible metaphor
in the abs. This is the part
of our bodies where pregnancy is most present,
where high emotionality is
expressedemotional eating, the convulsions that
come with crying. This is a
body part that historically
was hard, associated with
men, and soft, associated
with women. Now we, the
women, just want our bellies hard. We want the softness eradicated like it was
never there.
They talk about the
heart, but you feel your
emotions in your stomachthe dead drop of fear,
the fluttering of love, the
jitters of excitement, the pit
of sadness. We have chosen
the place where we feel our

emotions and tried to spotreduce it away.

I am not saying you
shouldnt tone your abs if
you want to. Im just saying
you should know why. Im
just saying you dont really
have to if you dont want to.
About a week after that
Butt and Gut class, I left
with my husband for Mexicoour first vacation alone
in years. I wore my frill-free
black industrial-strength
swimming costume, panels here and there to prop
things up and flatten things
out, more of an apology
than a bathing suit. Three
women were also there to
celebrate their birthdays.
Their stomachs looked like
mine and they wore bikinis,
and I thought about how
these women, with their
raucous laughing and their
friendship, they know how
to live a life. I never went
back to that class.

WO M A N I N S T O R E : H I YA I M AG E S /C O R B I S / VC G . WO M A N O N T E L E V I S I O N S : S E A N M U R P H Y/G E T T Y I M AG E S .

part of that is really being

healthy and even able to
protect yourself. And so
were back to the Byzantine
era, where were abbing it
up so that we look like we
want to be perceived: like
really powerful men.

Cancer
Again...
and I
Made a
Huge

A F T ER GOING IN TO REMISSION
FOLLOW ING T REAT MEN T FOR LI V ER
C A NCER L AST Y EA R, FORMER
COSMO EDITOR DEA NNA PA I QUIT
HER JOB TO T R AV ELBU T
HER PL A NS W ERE IN T ERRU PT ED.

YESTERDAY AFTERNOON, I sat

in a classroom for the first time
since college. It was freezing, I
was yawning, and people were
raising hands to ask questions.
So it basically was college,
except that the teacher was a
psychologist and my classmates, liver transplant patients.
A guy in his 50s sitting at
the back raised his hand.
So, whats life going
to be like a year after the
transplant?
The psychologist smiled
and adjusted her glasses.
Back to normal. Kind of.
Every time I walk into my
new hospitalwhich is pretty
often, latelyI have a moment
of panic. How did it come to
this? Is this a nightmare within
a nightmare, like a seriously
twisted version of Inception?
I know what youre thinking. Arent I living in Paris,
living on baguette crumbs
and piles of cheese, as I wrote
about in Cosmo earlier this
year? Please. I wish. Instead,
I am again in NYC, although
this time, under way different
circumstances than last year,
when I felt lost and weird after
treatment for liver cancer.
In retrospect, I feel like an
asshole for bitching while in
remission. Can you imagine?
I wish I could go back in time
and smack myself in the face

Decision

for not making the most of

those seven months. Because
last November, after a dreamy
month of carbo-loading in
Paris, I returned home for
routine scans and a checkup.
The day after my flight, for
the third time in my life, I got
to answer the phone and hear
my doctor say, Theres something on your liver.

verything began in
early 2013, when I
was 23 and waiting
for my gynecologist to get the
Pap smear over with. When
she felt the bump on my abdomen, I didnt feel dread. They
found a lump! I texted my
mom, as if purple unicorns
had just been discovered. I
thought it was the joke of the
year. I asked my boyfriend,
Tim, if he wanted to touch
my lovely lady lump. (No.)
I let my med-student friends
palpate it at a party. Yeah,
thats definitely not supposed
to be there, said one.
No one thought the lump
was that big a deal. My gynecologist said it could be
my spleen. The radiologist
thought it was a benign cyst.
I thought I had just been eating a lot and had a misplaced
food baby. But we were all
wrong. It was a rare form of
liver cancer.
In the more than three
years since, I have been
scanned, sliced, and poisoned, the recipient of 2 surgeries, 6 seemingly endless

PHOTOGR A PHED BY EL IZ A BE T H GRIFFIN

OPPOSITE PAGE: MA X Z AGOR

I Have

BODY

DEANNA WROTE ABOUT LIFE IN PARIS IN FEBRUARY.

rounds of chemo,
25 total months in remission,
countless side effects.
It sucked. It still sucks.
But on the bright side,
this all seems like it happened
to prepare me for learning
about my newest liver tumor.
I think I handled it pretty
well. I screamed for a few
minutes, called my parents,
screamed some more, and
then un-paused Empire.
In a final last-ditch effort
to knock out the cancer while
keeping my body (kind of)
intact, my team of doctors at

New Yorks Memorial Sloan

Kettering Cancer Center
suggested an experimental
drug that other patients with
liver cancer had received
with favorable results.
Spoiler alert: It didnt
work for me.
I dont blame my liver. Its
the MVP of the body. Among
hundreds of other duties, it
clears out toxins, metabolizes nutrients, and helps your
blood clot. Its like the responsible friend who guides you
home safely and forces you
to drink a glass of water
after a long night out. The
liver is so important that its
the only organ in the human
body that regenerates. You
can lop off chunks of it, and
it will grow backIve done
that twice now. But the cancer
keeps returning. If my surgeon thought that removing it
with surgery for a third time
would do the trick, hed be
sanitizing a melon baller right
now to scoop that shit out.
Instead, were going for
the Hail Mary pass: a liver
transplant. Its a last resort
for a reason. In order for my
immune system to accept
someone elses liver as one
of my own organs, I need to
be on immunosuppressant
drugs (which, basically, tell
my immune system to STFU)
for the rest of my life. But
those have side effects of their
ownone can cause kidney
failure, another insomnia,
yet another birth defects. Its
like swallowing Pandoras
box whole. And theres still
the chance that my new liver
will fail or my immune system will overpower the meds
and reject the liver anyway.
Theres also a chance that my
cancer will somehow recur,
which has happened in other
patients. In that case, I might
AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

125

BODY
as well begin drafting the
epitaph for my tombstone.
It will probably include a
Soulja Boy quote.
In a way, I cant even be
that upset about the transplant. Sure, it sucks, but
its a means of keeping me
alive. It could actually cure
me! I think about how both
my brother and sister are
getting married next year
(not to each other), how I
want to go back to Paris,
how I just want to have
more time. In this past year
alone, I watched a cancer
frienda girl my age with
another form of liver cancerslowly waste away
until she looked like a skeleton. When she posted a
picture of herself on Facebook, I literally gasped
and clapped my hand over
my mouth. She died a few
months later. A kid I knew
in college, whom I mentored his first week of freshman year, didnt have the
luxury of advance notice.
He died of a cancer I cant
pronounce less than a year
after his diagnosis. So yes, I
will take this transplant.
fall at the very bottom
of the transplant
waiting list, which
prioritizes the roughly
15,000 people who need a
new liver according to their
liver function. So if your
livers about to stop working any day now, youre at
the top of the list. But cancer doesnt affect my liver
functionwhich is pristine,
despite collegeso I am
not a priority right now.
It also doesnt help that
Im in New York, which,
mind-blowingly enough, is
the state with the lowest rate
of designated organ donors

DEANNA WITH
JONATHAN. BOTH
OF HER SIBS
OFFERED TO BE
HER DONOR.

REA LLY, I DONT

T HINK T H AT BEING
SC A RED MEA NS
T H AT YOURE NOT
COUR AGEOUS.
I T HINK COUR AGE
IS W HEN SOMET HING T ERRIF IES
YOU A ND YOU
DO I T A N Y WAY.

in the country. Are you

kidding me? What are you
going to do with your liver
in the afterlife, neighbors?
You could be giving someone a chance at life without
cancer (or hepatitis or autoimmune disease) and are
turning it down. Every 15
hours, someone in New York
dies while waiting for an
organ transplant. And thats
just in one state! It kills me,
literally and figuratively.
Because Im looking at
actual years of waiting, my
older brother, Jonathan,
has offered to give me a
chunk of his liver, which
will then regenerate inside
my body like a starfish. His
own will grow back to close
to its original size within
two months.
Some days, I feel like
its not such a big deal for
himafter all, Ive had half
my liver lopped off twice.
But on the other hand, I feel
guilty AF for dragging my
poor brother into this situ-

126 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

ation. My cancer no longer

affects just me. Now Jonathan will have blood draws,
IVs, and a surgical scar. Im
afraid hes going to hate me
for this. Sometimes, I call
and leave him voice mails
in which I just cry until the
beep cuts me off.
I know Jonathan
wants to give me part of
his liver. But hes scared.
You have a lot more
courage than I do in terms
of this stuff, he says.
Really, I dont think
that being scared means
that youre not courageous.
I think courage is when
something terrifies you and
you do it anyway. Thats

what counts, right? When

you have to put your own
fear aside in order to help
someone else? Jonathans a
heroto me, to everyone.
These past three years
have felt like a recurring
nightmare. I keep waking
up, having too-short days
of remission, and falling
back asleep only to find
myself in the same fuckedup scenario. I am so sick
of being sick. I wonder if
you can die from that; if so,
Id probably be dead. The
idea of this being over for
goodeven with immunosuppressantsmakes me
ache. I dont remember my
life before cancer. I just
want a life after cancer.
Back in the classroom,
the psychologist paces back
and forth as she describes
life after surgery. This is
why we do the transplant.
We want you to run marathons, to have children, to
live a normal life, she says.
Because of my brother, I
actually might get that.

Sign Up to Save a Life

Pledge to donate your organs by joining your states
registry at OrganDonor.gov. Even nonresident aliens
are eligible. P.S. Tell your family your wishesdocs
might need their consent even if youve signed up.

P H O T O G R A P H E D B Y R E G A N C A M E R O N . F A S H I O N E D I T O R : J A M E S W O R T H I N G T O N D E M O L E T . H A I R : L A C Y R E D W A Y U S I N G C A N T U A T T H E W A L L G R O U P. M A K E U P : B A N K U S I N G
DI O R A DDI C T AT FAC TO RY D OW N TOW N. M A NI C U RE : MI C HIN A KO IDE AT A R T DE PA R T ME N T U S IN G DI O R V E R NI S . S E E PAG E 18 6 FO R S HOPPIN G INFO R M AT ION.

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AUGUST

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flight

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Soaring through the air in gala-worthy

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move, pioneering ballerina and boss
businesswoman Misty Copeland is all the #Goals.
BY

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james worthington demolet
P H O T O G R A P H E D BY regan cameron

FA S H I O N E D I T O R

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132

BE AU T Y

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BODYSUIT, SKIRT,
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I APPROACH every day like its my

first ballet class, Misty Copeland
says. Like Im still that girl striving to get into ABT. ABT would
be the prestigious American
Ballet Theatre. The now-33-yearold landed among its ranks at 17
and was promoted to principal
dancer last summer. Shes
the first black woman to hold
the title in ABTs 76-year history.
The road to the top wasnt
easy. While Misty was growing
up, her family bounced between
homes in Southern California.
She took her first ballet class at
13super late in bunhead years.
Once at ABT, she found she had
to prove herself in new ways. I
had times when, as an AfricanAmerican woman, I felt that I
didnt belong in the ballet world,
Misty says. When Prince cast her
in a 2009 music video, I began
to understand my full potential,
she says. Shed be the icons muse
and friend until his death last
April. Having someone say I
trust you and your talent was all
it took to start feeling like I could
be in control of my career and
make things happen on my own.
And she hasin a huge way.
See her multiple endorsement
deals (her Under Armour ads are
viral hits), a TV show and biopic
in development, even her own
Barbie doll. This month, she
launches her first dancewear
line, gal Dance. She credits her
baller(ina) status to her barriersbe-damned determination. Even
when you think youve arrived,
you have to keep working. Not
everyone is going to like you or
think youre the right fit. But
hearing no makes you stronger.

134

Theres no wrong way

to create your own path,
but you have to find support.
On those days when you want
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people in your life who are
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HOODIE, TOP, gal Dance.

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When Im onstage,
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way or youll never
be fully present.

136

ST Y L E

tip

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2
FEAR NO
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WATCH BEHIND-THE-SCENES VIDEO FROM MISTYS SHOOT ON THE DIGITAL EDITION: MY.COSMOPOLITAN.COM.

139

SHAPE
UP
YOU R
SKIN
EXERCISE CAN BE THE ULTIMATE
SKIN SAVEROR SABOTEUR.
WE BREAK IT DOWN SO YOU CAN FOCUS
ON YOUR #BODYGOALS WHILE
SCORING A KNOCKOUT COMPLEXION.

By LAUREN BALSAMO

141

T he Workouts

BOX I NG, BOOT

C A M P, C ROSSF I T

TRAINING DAY

Your
Face
on
Fitness

File these under gym-babe

essentials! Five pros spill
their secrets for looking sexy
when sweaty.

Exercise can
be the route
to better skin.
Heres proof.

Laura Cozik,
COACH AT
MILE HIGH RUN CLUB

A L L S T I L L S : J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D . P R O H E A D S H O T S , AT R I G H T: C O U R T E S Y S U B J E C T S . A L L O T H E R P H O T O S : W I L L I A M G A R R E T T. S E E PA G E 1 8 6 F O R S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N .

Sneaky Skin Issue

Breakouts
Shared equipmentgloves, mats, weights
can be a hotbed for bacteria. When possible,
BYO and wipe down weights (or anything
else thats shared) with an antibacterial towelette (travel-size packs were made for gym
bags). Most important: Avoid touching your
face during your workout, says Paul Jarrod
Frank, MD, a cosmetic dermatologist in NYC.
Wiping away sweat with a germy hand may
seem harmless, but it can cause acne or,
worse, spread cold sores and skin infections.

HOURGLASS Opaque Rouge Liquid Lipstick

in Ballet, $28

Holly Rilinger,
NIKE MASTER TRAINER AND
FLYWHEEL INSTRUCTOR

I love that this spray can go on

clean or sweaty hairand
the travel-size one is perfect for
toting in my gym bag.
ORIBE Aprs Beach Wave and Shine PurseSize Spray, $22

T h e Workout

RU N N I NG
Sneaky Skin Issue

Sagging Skin
I can spot a serious runner just by looking at
her face, says Elizabeth Hale, MD, clinical
associate professor of dermatology at NYU
Langone Medical Center (and marathoner),
who defines serious as logging 25 miles a week
or more. Blame the literal pounding of pavement, which results in runners face: a loss
of volume in the temple and cheek areas that
eventually leads to sagging. The constant
force causes micro-tears in collagen that compound over time, says Dr. Hale, who notes
theres a genetic factor too. And if you run
outdoors, the UV exposurea proven collagen killerdoesnt help. So what does a
long-distance-running doctor suggest? Prescription retinol (the ultimate skin smoother,
she says) followed by a firming cream with
collagen-stimulating peptides (Dr. Hale uses
Olays Regenerist Micro-Sculpting Cream,
$26) and possibly fillers down the road. Also
SPF 30, which, for those who take it outside, is
as vital as a good pair of sneakers.

Sarah Levey,
COFOUNDER OF
Y7 YOGA STUDIO

I sweat a ton, so I take off all

my makeup before class. These
wipes leave my skin feeling
clean without drying it out.
SIMPLE SKINCARE Cleansing Facial
Wipes, $6

Naimah Jackman,
INSTRUCTOR AT
305 FITNESS

Im obsessed with this MAC

mineral concealer. It feels
hydrating on my skin, stays put
after a sweaty workout, and
never makes me break out.
MAC COSMETICS Mineralize Concealer, $21

Jen McCombs,
PERSONAL TRAINER
AT FOCUS INTEGRATED
FITNESS

My hands get really rough

from lifting. I swear by Bag Balm
for smoothing calluses.
BAG BALM, $7.50 for 1 oz.

IT DETOXES
PORES

Think of sweating
like the steam
portion of a facial.
It causes pores to
dilate and pushes
out bacteria and
sebum, says Dr.
Hale. If you wear
makeup, however,
you wont get the
full benets. The
barrier prevents all
this from escaping,
plus it can actually
clog pores, says
Dr. Hale. Cant
bear to go bare?
Limit makeup to a
waterproof
mascara, lip stain,
and breathable
mineral foundation
or concealer.
Sweat Cosmetics
powder (see page
145) is noncomedogenic, so it
wont clog pores
and is free of oil
and silicones that
trap debris.
ITS A NATURAL
FORM OF
STROBING

When we exercise,
our heart beats
faster and pumps
more blood. Much
of that increased
ow goes to our
most vital organ,
the brain, and the
face reects this
upward surge by
ushing, says Dr.
Hale. Cue that
bright, lit-fromwithin glow that
lasts long after a
sweat session.

143

T h e Workout

HOT YOG A
Sneaky Skin Issues

Redness and
Brown Spots
If you have rosaceaa skin condition that
causes redness and a bumpy textureor are
prone to broken blood vessels, beware: Extreme
heat combined with excessive sweating can
cause inflammation, making these conditions
worse. In some cases, it could permanently
dilate capillaries, says Dr. Frank. Other problems that occur: dark spots and melasma (aka
larger dark patches). While research is limited,
some doctors (including Dr. Frank) believe that
heat can stimulate the pigment-making cells.
T he Workouts

SPI N N I NG,
DA NC E C A R DIO
Sneaky Skin Issue

Your
Face
on
Fitness
IT IMPROVES
SKIN TEXTURE

Exercise reduces
stress, which
lowers cortisol
the hormone that
spikes when youre
feeling tired and
overworked. When
cortisol levels are
out of whack,
it can lead to an
overproduction
of oil and collagen
breakdown,
explains Dr. Hale.
Keeping them in
check with exercise
can mean fewer
breakouts, tighter
pores, and rmer
skin.
IT FIGHTS
PUFFINESS

Aside from guzzling water, the thing youre

most likely to do during a drenching, highintensity workout: wipe your skin with a gym
towel. Unfortunately, communal towels are
typically washed with harsh detergents
and chemicals that can irritate skin, says Dr.
Frank. They are also notoriously coarse and can
strip the protective layer of skin, so anything
you put on your face afterward could result in
redness, says Dr. Hale. Once again, its best to
bring your ownand if you forget, gently blot
(dont rub) with the free ones.

Working out tones

with time but can
have immediate
slimming benets
too. It helps ush
out excess water
so you look less
bloated, explains
Dr. Frank. (FYI:
Losing too much
H2O can cause
dehydration.
As a rule, aim to
drink eight ounces
of water for
every 30 minutes
of exercise.)

T h e Workout

IT CAN DELAY
AGING

Irritation

S W I M M I NG
Sneaky Skin Issue

Dryness
Chlorine can rob skin of its natural oils, leaving you dry and itchy. Post-swim, always wash
with a gentle cream cleanser and follow with a
basic lotion made with ceramides (try CeraVe
Moisturizing Cream, $15), which rebuild the
protective layer that chlorine strips.

144

Studies show that

exercise boosts
skin-cell energy,
increasing cell
metabolism and
collagen production, explains
Joshua Zeichner,
MD, a dermatologist
in NYC. Result: a
plumper, rmer
complexion
with fewer ne lines.

IF YOU DO
ONLY ONE THING
Shower post-workout! The
moisture and heat combined
with dead skin and sebum
can cause acne, rashes, and
folliculitisinflamed hair follicles that look like pimples,
says Dr. Hale. Soap and water
are your best bet for eliminating dirt and oil from head
to toe, but wipes work in a
pinch, especially ones that
contain salicylic acid. Afterward, skip heavy creams and
oil-based products, as they
can clog dilated pores, notes
Dr. Frank.

Athleisure
for Your
Skin

POST-WORKOUT
COOL DOWN

Like the perfect pair

of yoga pants, these
fitness-minded products
are ideal before, during,
and after a workout.

7. SKINCEUTICALS Phyto
Corrective Masque, $55

PRE-WORKOUT

DEEP CONDITIONING

Show your hair some

TLC with this treatment.
Mist on before class
your body and scalp heat
will max out absorption.

POWDER PLAYER

This mineral-based
foundation gives a hint of
tint and protection that
lasts through a strenuous
training session.

10. GLOSSIER Mint Balm

Dotcom, $12

11
10

FIRST BASE

Post-workout, waterbased foundation is best.

Eighty percent of this
contains puried H2O.

12
13

WIPEOUT

Swipe on skin to nix poreclogging makeup and oil.

12. MAKE UP FOR EVER Water

Blend Foundation, $43

OUTRUN SMEARS

5. BEAUTY RX SKINCARE by Dr.

Schultz Anytime Pads, $9

Sweep under eyes to

clean up runny makeup.
13. CLINIQUE Take the
Day Off Eye Makeup
Remover Stick, $18.50

PLAY DEFENSE

Formulated with sweatabsorbing powder and

SPF 60, it helps skin
stay matte and free of
sun damage.
6. LA ROCHE-POSAY Anthelios
Clear Skin Dry Touch
Sunscreen, $20

GYM STYLE
This dry shampoo
absorbs sweat and odor
(rather than just masking
it) so strands look and
feel refreshed.
11. LIVING PROOF Perfect
Hair Day Dry Shampoo,
$12 for 1.8 oz.

PIT STOP

4. DOVE Advanced Care

Anti-Perspirant, $1.60

9. SWEETSPOT Neroli
Mandarin On-the-Go
Wipes, $10

Outdoor workouts can

leave lips thirsty. Quench
and refresh with this
menthol-infused balm.

WELL-DEFINED

Deo is a must. A mini

makes toting from ofce
to locker room easy.

8. THE HONEST COMPANY

Hand Sanitizer Spray in
Lemongrass, $6

MINT CONDITION

2. SWEAT COSMETICS TwistBrush + Mineral

Foundation SPF 30, $42

3. EYEKO Sport Waterproof

Mascara, $25

DAILY DETOX
Mist on your hands (and
equipment) to knock out
99.9 percent of germs.

QUICK HIT
No time to hit the shower?
NBD. Zap sweat
with these gentle wipes.

1. YUNI Microveil Hair

Treatment, $25

Mascara at the gym is

nejust make sure its
waterproof. This one
creates a lm on lashes
that repels sweat and oil.

Always red after the gym?

Pop on this mask. The
cucumber chills stressed
skin while the peptides
reduce heat sensitivity.

TRUE GRIT

Squats plus this scrub

make your body buff.

14

14. ORIGINS Shower

Off Exfoliating
Body Wash, $24

145

TRENCH COAT, JEANS,

Lauren Ralph
Lauren. BRA, Ashley
Graham Lingerie
by Addition Elle.
EARRINGS, Asha by
Ashley McCormick

YOURE
PRETTY...
FOR A
BIG GIRL
FOR YEARS,
THATS ALL MODEL
ASHLEY GRAHAM
EVER HEARD.
THEN SHE CHANGED
THE CONVERSATION
FOR HERSELF
AND ALL OF US.

BY KATIE L . CONNOR PHOTOGRAPHED BY BEN WATTS FASHION DIRECTOR: AYA KANAI

ASHLEY GR AHAM walks

into a rooftop bar in midtown Manhattan with a
request. Please dont ask
her what she thinks of the
term plus size. The short
answer: She thinks its
outdated and unhelpful.
In the modeling industry,
it refers to anyone size 8
and upso, pretty much
everyone. It also refers to
that unsexy clothing section in the back dark corner next to the food court,
she says. If you have to
label her, shell take curvy
sexylicious thankyou
verymuch. Really, shes
more about self-love than
size matters. And the plus
thing? Like, can we not?
But the model who teeters between a size 14 and
16 owes her fame, at least
in part, to the problematic
term. Fashion blogs heralded her as the first plussize model to grace the
cover of Sports Illustrateds
Swimsuit issue. In the
past year, shes designed
collections for plus-size
brands SwimsuitsForAll
and Addition Elle. And her
recent outing as Joe Jonass
love interest in DNCEs
romantic Toothbrush
music video was a coup
for full-figured women
eager to see themselves
in a role beyond Faceless
Twerker Number 4. So,
fine, while the 28-year-old
doesnt like to be introduced as plus-size model
Ashley Grahamshes a
model, periodthe term
doesnt offend her either.
Just because Im not
calling myself plus size
doesnt mean Im not

147

representing a woman who is, she says. The Lincoln, Nebraska, native is #Proud to be an envoy
for the millions of women overlooked and underserved by the fashion industry. Im giving curvy
women a seat at a table that weve never been
invited to beforea table with high-end fashion
people who have never considered us beautiful.
The comedian Amy Schumer has done a similar thing in Hollywood. In her stand-up and TV
show, she often skewers her industry for exalting only the young, thin, and cellulite-free. So in
April, when the Trainwreck star
took Glamour magazine to task
for implying she was plus size
in its Chic at Any Size special
issue, Ashley (the issues cover
star) was surprised. I can see
both sides, she allows, noting
Amys claim that no one notified
her she would be featured, but
Amy talks about being a big girl
in the industry. You thrive on
being a big girl, but when youre
grouped in with us, youre not
happy about it? That, to me, felt
like a double standard.
But Ashley hasnt always
been 100 with her body. As a
teenager, she says she walked
through the halls with my chest
pumped up and head held high,
but I was insecure. At 16, she
was crushed when her first boyfriend broke up with her for two
reasons. Hes like, First, you
wont have sex with me. And
second, Im afraid youre going
to be as fat as my mom. Never in
my life had I felt more ugly, insecure, and unworthy. That was
the beginning of how I would
relate and interact with my own
body. I started seeking affirmation from
boys because of one mans words.
Soon after, at 17, she lost her virginity to a
guy who wasnt her boyfriend and moved to New
York, where she dated half the cityor so
she felt. I did it all wrong, she says. I dated a
lot of the wrong guys and was having sex for
a lot of the wrong reasons. I was just looking for
love and affirmation, for a security blanket.
When she got involved with an alcoholic,
something had to change. He was abusive in
more than one way, she says. He threw a couch

on me. He came home drunk. I was sitting on it,

and he flipped it upside down. I remember my
elbow being jammed but thinking, He didnt hit
me; he was just really angry, you know? You hear
stories of women who say the exact same thing
I wasnt showing up with bruises, he wasnt
beating me every day. Looking back, I shouldve
left, but I was an insecure woman in a terrible
relationship who did not know herself.
Her friends and her mom did. They would tell
me, youre a 10. You need to put more value in who
you are as a woman. But it was
hard. For six months to a year,
I hid that I was still talking to
him. I was embarrassed that I
couldnt step away. I dont think
that that heartache necessarily
made me a better person, but it
helped me figure out my worth.

IM GIVING
CURVY
WOMEN
A SEAT AT
A TABLE
THAT WEVE
NEVER
BEEN
INVITED
TO BEFORE.

148 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

POST-BREAKUP, Ashley devised a

plan. I realized I was giving up
my power and the power of my
sexuality. I said Im not gonna
have sex with anybody until
I see a ring on my finger. Then
I got more serious and said
Im not gonna have sex until Im
actually married. I was adamant, especially when guys
were like, um, third date.
She met her now husband,
cinematographer Justin Ervin,
at church on what Ashley calls
porn Sunday. She tosses her
head back, laughing at this rich
detail of their meet-cute. The
church we used to go to had
themes, she explains. This
Sunday, they had exporn stars
talk to the congregation about
how porn ruined their lives.
The couple met in the elevator and were married
a little more than a year later. Ashley was 22; Justin, 29. Even during their three-month engagement, Ashley stuck to the no-sex plan. It allowed
us to know each other on a deeper friendship
level, she says. We both had pasts. Now, she
says, sex is the cherry on top of our marriage.
Whats not sweet are the trolls who remark on
their interracial relationship: One comment on
Instagram was I knew a girl her size could only
be with a black guy. I think thats so ugly. But we
talk about the fact that Im white and hes black

H A I R : A N T H O N Y C A M P B E L L AT T H E W A L L G R O U P U S I N G K R A S TA S E N U T R I T I V E M A G I S T R A L . M A K E U P : T R A C Y M U R P H Y F O R L A S H S TA R B E A U T Y. M A N I C U R E : J U L I E
K A N D A L E C F O R D I O R V E R N I S . P R O P S T Y L I S T: M O L LY F I N D L AY/ M A R E K A N D A S S O C I AT E S . M O D E L : A S H L E Y G R A H A M / I M G . C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P R I G H T: D O N AT O
S A RDE L L A /G E T T Y IM AG E S; PAUL M O RIG I /G E T T Y IM AG E S; DIMI T RIO S K A MB O U RI S /G E T T Y IM AG E S; MIC H A E L E DWA RD S . S E E PAG E 18 6 FO R S HOPPIN G INFORM AT ION.

ROCKING A
ONE-PIECE
FROM HER
COLLECTION
FOR
SWIMSUITS
FORALL.

WITH
HUSBAND,
JUSTIN
ERVIN, AT A
SCREENING
OF THE
FIRST
MONDAY
IN MAY.

IN BADGLEY
MISCHKA
AT THE WHITE
HOUSE
CORRESPONDENTS
DINNER
2016.

AT THE
CHRISTIAN
SIRIANO FOR
LANE BRYANT
FASHION
SHOW IN
MAY.

all the time. Ive seen how racist America is.

Its opened my eyes to how ignorant I have been,
how white privilege has taken over a lot of my
thoughts and actions because its just something
that I take for granted.
Its also heightened her awareness that while
shes helping to redefine beauty standards, there
are still miles to go. Where are the black women?
Hispanic women? This body is not new. There
are so many different women of color who have
curvy bodies and should be celebrated. I recognize
that a hundred percent. Its not just about size
diversity anymore.
THESE DAYS, SHE SPEAKS at conferences almost as
often as she shoots ad campaigns. A tireless body
activist, shes never not preaching that beauty
is beyond size. Her TED talk has nearly a million
views. Shes also dyslexic. When I was young,
I never saw myself as a smart person. There are
still days when I have to give a speech where I feel
inadequate, like I cant do this! But I havent let
dyslexia define me.
Nor will she let the term plus size. Shes witnessed firsthand how sticky the label can be. Crystal Renn, the model/author who battled anorexia,
then rose to plus-size stardom, is one of Ashleys
oldest friends. The two met at the Ford modeling
agency as teens. We were inseparable, she says.
I went to her house and shes like, You want to
know how to model? Okay, take your clothes off.
Im like what?! We took our clothes off, and she
taught me how to move my body. When Crystal
dropped from a size 12 to a size 8, her fans were
outraged. She was going through a hard personal
time, Ashley says of her friends weight loss. Its
amazing how a community that can praise you for
so long can then trash you and take you down.
But Crystal changed a lot of girls lives. She burst
open the doors for plus-size models in the
high-fashion world. She was one of the pioneers.
Ashley gets a taste of that outrage whenever
she Instagrams a close-up of her face. Because my
face is thinner for a girl my size, [commenters will]
be like, Youre losing weight! she says. Theyre
really mad! Yes, Ashley works out regularly. No,
its not about weight; its about strength and feeling
good. Im really happy where I am, she says. But
lets say just for shits and giggles that I lost weight.
Would my fans be mad at me? She knows the
answer is most likely yes. But she takes it in stride:
Everybodys going to have an opinion. As long as
Im healthy and I feel good, thats what matters.

 2016 Fontem. NOT FOR SALE TO MINORS. WARNING: This product contains
nicotine derived from tobacco. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

EDITED BY
M A RINA KHIDEKEL

Your
Sexy
Summer
Games
FROM FIERY
FLOOR EXERCISES
TO MEDALWINNING MOVES,
ITS TIME TO BE
CROWNED WORLD
CHAMPS AT YOUR
OWN O-LYMPIC
FESTIVITIES!

GALLERYSTOCK

BY ANNA BRE SL AW

151

Position
Playbook
Teamwork, people!

Floor Werk
Hit the mat with
your teammate,
and lie facedown
with him on top.
(Hell support himself with his forearms.) As you rock
slowly, his weight
adds pressure on
your G -spot. Take
your time: G -spot
Os are a marathon,
not a sprint.

The Horny
Hurdle
Start with him sitting, legs straight
out. Squat over him
and move up and
down, balancing
backward if you
need to. His hands
are free to play
with your clit and
breasts, so its an
even playing field.

C O S M O S S E X G A M E S H A L L O F FA M E

GOLD-MEDAL WINNER
The Carnal
Clinch
Synchronized
Sexing
At the shallow end
of a pool, wrap
your legs around
him. Lean back
until youre floating. While youre
weightless, you can
focus on the penetration (use lube!)
or try a waterproof
clitoral vibe.

Kneel, facing each

other. Wrap one leg
around his waist,
and tilt your pelvis
up, working your
pelvic-floor muscles
and increasing
blood flow to your
hoo-ha. This one is
best if youre near
the finish.

Have sex somewhere other

than the bedroom,
perhaps on the dining-room
table or beneath his
mothers baby grand piano.
FROM FEBRUARY 1997
WHY IT STILL WORKS: Theres a cardio bonus when you run from,
say, your porch back inside because the neighbors spotted you.

Sexing at Any Skill Level

PRO

NO MAT TER YOUR ATHLE TIC ABILITIE S ( PHE W! ), THE SE MOVE S ARE SL AM DUNKS.

TEXT HIM YOUR

GAME PLAN
L ike your hum-

ming the national

anthem with him
in your mouth.
ROOKIE

AMP UP YOUR
MAKE-OUT
G ently run your
fingertips up and
down the back
of his neck. Chills!

MAKE A PASS

While youre
carbo-loading at
Olive Garden, hand
him your panties
under the table.
Hell sprint to sign
the check.

ACTIVATE
YOUR CORE
Aka arch your back

for amazing
G-spot love during
doggie-style.

SURPRISE HIM WITH A

FEW KEGELS
T heyll tighten your

grip on him just

before his, um, closing ceremony.

LOVE LUST
GO FOR
THOSE
DOUBLE
OS!

Him
to
Glory
So he doesnt
quite know his
way around
your field yet?
Help him win
MVP.

Equipment Roundup
THE SE BEDRO OM CHAMP S DE SERVE THO SE LIT TLE PL A STIC TROPH Y C A SE S.

TROJAN
RIVIERA
Having sex
in water can
actually
decrease your
natural lubrication. (Kind of
unfair, dont you
think?) This lube
is guaranteed to
keep the aquatic
fun going.
$15, target.com

TENGA IROHA+
One of our
all-time favorite
toys gets a
better, stronger
upgrade. This
new external
vibe is
waterproof,
boasts more
vibration
patterns, and
comes in three
distinct shapes.
$120, babeland.com

EVES SPINNER
This toy boasts
a unique
spinning shaft
that sensually
massages you
from the
inside while the
ears tickle your
clitworking
overtime to get
you feeling like a
champion.
$80, adameve.com

TENGA SMART
VIBE RING
Like the Olympic
rings, but buzzier!
This guy scores
points for
versatilityits a
cock ring with a
partner when
youre on top or a
vibe you can
loop around two
fingers for solo
events.
$80, babeland.com

O P P O S I T E PA G E : A L E S S A N D R A F I O R I N I / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T. C O M . I L L U S T R AT I O N S : G E O R G I A P E R R Y.
T H I S PA G E : A S T R I D O B E R T/ T R U N K A R C H I V E . T R O P H Y: G E T T Y I M A G E S . T O Y S : C O U R T E S Y.

TAKE T.O. FOR

KISSING
Before you get going,
make out like two teens in
the back row of a movie
theater. It reduces levels
of the stress hormone
cortisol in both of you.
(Ditto if you wind up
face-to-face during sex.)

INVITE HIM TO
CHEER
Men are visual creatures,
but women often need
both visual and auditory
stimulation to get off. Let
him know it would be super
hot if he said your name
during sex or even just
moaned once or twice.

GO BACK AND
FORTH
Suggest he move his
fingers (or his tongue)
from side to side over your
clit, like a teeny-tiny
windshield wiper. The new
motion will bring more
blood to your hot spot.
AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

153

Sex Q&A
No-BS responses to questions you can only ask Cosmo

Sometimes
my guy
slides out
of me
during sex.
Whats an
airtight
position we
can try?
Q

154

@ C O S M O P O L I TA N . C O M .

All my
friends
always rave
about
getting
oral, but it
just doesnt
do it for
me. How
can I enjoy
it as much
as they do?
Q

Not even the most promising of

presidential candidates would
be able to pass a law saying that
everyone has to enjoy oral sex
(although we wouldnt put anything past Trump!). It could just
be that its not for you, says sex
educator Emily Nagoski, PhD,
author of Come As You Are. Or
it could just be that your guy,
although enthusiastic, might
benefit from some coaching or
a flip through Ian Kerners She
Comes First, which should practically be required reading for
men everywhere. (Now theres
a law wed support!) The next
time its about to go down, try
your fingers or a vibrator too,
Nagoski suggests. And remember that youre dating someone
who wants to make you feel
comfortable and happy, which
is better than an oral O any day.

IT CAN
JUST BE YOUR
SEXY LITTLE
SECRET.

ALE X ANDER STRAULINO/ TRUNK ARCHIVE

Before we get to positioning, it

could be that youre using too
much lube and its turning your
lady parts into a sexual SlipN
Slide. (We know the bottles can
be big, but about a teaspoon
should do.) Now that thats out
of the way, go for the X Marks
the Spot move from Sex Positions for Every Body, by
sexologist Jill McDevitt, PhD.
In this awesome twist on
missionary, lie on your back
near the foot of the bed with
your legs straight in the air.
Cross your legs at your knees to
make an X while your partner
stands on the floor and enters
you, holding your legs for leverage. Its a snug position for
him that also makes you feel
tight, says McDevitt. It also
works well with guys who are
more toward the teeny-weeny
end of the spectrum. Best of
all, youll both be super in to it.

E -M A IL YOUR SE X
QU E ST IONS TO SE XQ A NDA

LOVE LUST

Im bisexual, and
Im dating a guy.
Do I have to tell
him I sometimes
fantasize about
girls when were
hooking up?
Q

Well, think of it this way,

says Justin Garcia, PhD, an
assistant research scientist at
the Kinsey Institute, if you
were heterosexual, would you
tell him you were thinking
of other men? Probably not.
So theres no reason to let
him know that your mind
sometimes wanders to your
last girlfriend/Ruby Rose/
the most amazing cheeseburger of your life while youre

getting it on with him. Some

people think it can be hot
to swap fantasies with their
partners, says McDevitt, but
youre definitely not obligated
to do so. You dont have to
tell anyone anything about
your fantasies, she says. Just
because you have a sexual
relationship with someone
doesnt mean they own your
sexuality. A to the Men (or
Women), sister.
AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

155

LOVE LUST
CONDOMS SO
AWESOME...
YOULL BE
GOING AT IT LIKE
RABBITS.

Sohow
do I get, um,
stains out
of my duvet
without
facing
serious drycleaning
embarrassment?
Q

156 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

best sex toy

to gift my
conservative
friend at her
bachelorette
party?
Let the Kiki 2
mini vibe
(picobong
.com) be her
something
blue. For
one, its modestly shaped,
and the flat,
clit-loving tip
means she
can use it
with her
groom. And
its only $40!
Because
Vegas is $$$
enough...
amirite,
ladies?

What
condom
feels the
best for
both of us?
Ribbed
ones creep
me out!

Whats the
deal with
pearling,
and will it
really make
sex feel
better for
me?

The subtle-but-awesome
honeycomb pattern on Lelos
new Hex condoms ($20 for
12, lelo.com) adds a slight texture while still being insanely
(but not scarily) thin. Those
hexagonal linksinspired by
graphene, one of the strongest, thinnest materials known
to manalso help it grip your
guy and keep breaks from happening. Science! But yeah, how
does it actually feel? One of our
female testers had this to say:
The texture was different from
ribbing because it had an allover
sensation. As for the guys? It
was the closest Ive had to that
nothing there feeling, said
one. Were not ribbing you
these condoms are pretty sweet.

Weak-stomached readers and

curious Googlers, consider this
your warning! Pearling is
when a guy has beads surgically
inserted under the skin of his
dong. Whyyy? The idea is that a
polka-dotted peen feels amazing
for women. But before your guy
goes to a shady piercing salon
this kind of procedure is not
exactly FDA-approvedknow
that it could potentially cause
ED too. Its just a bad idea
all around, says urologist Alex
Shteynshlyuger, MD. I see
women bringing in a partner
because his erections arent hard
enough or dont last long enough,
he says. I have yet to see one
make a pearling appointment
for her partner. JULIE VADNAL

FROM TOP: GE T T Y IMAGE S; BEN GOLDSTEIN/STUDIO D.

First off, congrats on some

awesomely messy sex! And second, theres no reason to have
any shame in your dry-cleaning game. In fact, you can skip
a potentially weird trip to the
cleaners altogether, says Mary
Gagliardi, aka Dr. Laundry, a
cleaning expert at Clorox. First,
rinse the stain with a little cold
water and gently rub it with
stain remover, she suggests. Let
it sit for 10 minutes, then toss it
in the washing machine (frontloading, if you have it, which
is better for bigger items), and
choose the warmest water setting recommended on the label
and an extra rinse. Tumble
dry on high heat with tennis
balls to restore the puffiness.
(If youre just washing a duvet
cover, skip the tennis balls.)
After that, you should be good
to go back to sexing sans any
awkward encounters with the
guy at your laundry place.

SEX
TOY OF
THE

WHAT TO SAY
TO SET HIS
MIXED SIGNALS
STRAIGHT
So you cant tell if hes
trying to hit it...
or commit it? Dating guru
Matthew Hussey gives
you four genius responses
to a wishy-washy guy.
He texts you all night but
never schedules a real date.
SAY THIS You going to ask me out

or can I expect a Hows your

night? for the rest of my life? ;p
WHY Boldness is sexy, especially
when its done with a wink.
Most important, it lets him know
he needs to have something other
than his words up his sleeve.

He always cancels plans.

SAY THIS Uh-ohyou may

H U S S E Y: M A R L E Y K AT E ; FA S H I O N E D I T O R : A DA M M A N S U R O G L U; H A I R : N ATA S H A L E I B E L F O R A R T I S T S B Y T I M O T H Y
P R I A N O ; M A K E U P : M A R N I B U R T O N U S I N G C H A N E L R O U G E C O C O AT C R O S B Y C A R T E R M A N A G E M E N T; N A I L S : TAT YA N A
MOLOT FOR ARTISTS BY TIMOTHY PRIANO.

have just ofcially become the

akiest person I know.
WHY Hell want to see you again in
an effort to shake off the ake
identity. The next time he wants to
hang, say: Lets have a quick coffee
near my work. Nights are a little
busy this week. The more he
akes, the more you call the shots.

Hes into you one-on-one, but

you havent met his friends.
SAY THIS Whenever Im about to

invite you out with me and my

friends, I realize I havent met
yours! It would be cool to meet the
people you care about, but I dont
know if theres a reason I havent.
WHY Has he innocently overlooked
it, or does he not take you seriously?
His answer will tell you everything.

He keeps saying I really

like you but never mentions
a relationship.
SAY THIS I like you too. But before

we really like each other, we should

probably think about if we have
potential. I dont want to be those
people who get invested for no
reason when we can just be
friends. What do you think?
WA N T M O R E F R O M M AT T H E W ?
GET HIS FREE GUIDE FOR
COSMO RE A DERS , 9 M AGIC
T E X T S N O G U Y S C A N R E S I S T,
AT 9 T E X T S . C O M /C O S M O .

WHY Not only will he be up-front

about where he stands, youve also
managed to imply hes only going
to fall deeper for you over time.

ask
him
anyLOVE
ADVICE FROM
OUR GUY
GURU, LOGAN
HILL

PRO TIP: ROOFTOPS

AT SUNSET ARE
ALWAYS ROMANTIC
(AND FREE!).

H I L L : M A R L E Y K AT E ; FA S H I O N E D I TO R: A DA M M A N S U R O G L U; H A I R: N ATA S H A L E I B E L FO R A R T I S T S BY T I M OT H Y P R I A N O;
M A K E U P : M A R N I B U R T O N U S I N G C H A N E L R O U G E C O C O AT C R O S B Y C A R T E R M A N A G E M E N T; N A I L S : TAT YA N A M O L O T F O R
A R T I S T S B Y T I M O T H Y P R I A N O . F R O M L E F T: J U L E S S L U T S K Y/ C A V A N I M A G E S ; C O N N O R D W Y E R / S T O C K S Y.

LOVE LUST
Q/ Ive started fantasizing about having my boyfriend
sleep with another
woman and then
telling me about it.
Some of my friends
think this scenario
is hot too. How do I
bring this up with
my BF? I dont want
to offend him, I just
want to experiment!

Q/ My girlfriend
loves to spend
weekends going
out, while Netflix
and chill is much
more me. We fight
about it constantlywe both
think were getting
the short end of
the stick. How
can we reach a
happy medium?

A Its common to

A Stay in together one

fantasize about your

partner getting
freaky with someone
else, so Im not surprised your friends
sympathize. Be
explicit about the fact
that this is a fantasy,
and use that to take
his temperature. Say
to your guy: I want
to tell you about this
fantasy that turns
me on. If he says
hed never want to try
it, then you can at
least use it for some
dirty talk. And if he
seems receptive,
then you can propose
trying it IRL.

night, go out the next.

Or go outand let her
stay late while you
head home early. You
should each do what
makes the other
happy some of the
time, but you dont
need to spend every
night together. Do
your own things on
Friday; Saturday,
meet halfway and go
to a low-key dinner.

Q/ I love being

BUT ITS GOTTEN TO THE POINT

hairless down there

and feel gross when
Im not. But my
FWB mentioned that
he prefers when
women have some
hair. I thought all
guys were into Brazilianswhat do I
do? I want to turn
him on, but growing
it might turn me off.

WHERE WE NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE

A These are your

BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO OPEN

pubes, not his, so wax

till youre bare as Barbie, dye your bush
like a rainbow, shave
it into a lightning
bolt, or grow it out so
long, you become a
pubic Rapunzel. Ultimately, do what
makes you feel good.
(Hell get used to it.
Its the rare man who
asks a woman to put
her pants back on.)

Q/

MY BOYFRIEND IS A HUGE

CHEAPSKATE! I HAVE NO PROBLEM

SAVING MONEY OR SPLITTING CHECKS,

HIS WALLET (NEVER MIND IF IM

OPENING MINE). ANY SUGGESTIONS
FOR FUNAND FREEDATE IDEAS?

A Some guys are just naturally saversa

quality you may find yourself appreciating
in the long run. But if youre going to be
saving cash, you might as well be doubly
virtuous and get healthy. Go ride bikes,
paddle kayaks, or hit some tennis balls.
Better yet, take a camping trip and enjoy
all of natures free pleasure in the
great outdoors (and inside your tent too).

Q/

MY FRIENDS

GET OFFENDED BY
MY BOYFRIENDS
SARCASTIC SENSE
OF HUMOR. HELL
JOKE ABOUT
LOVING MY BEST
FRIENDS HAIR
WHEN SHE
OBVIOUSLY JUST
GOT CAUGHT
IN THE RAINTHAT
TYPE OF THING.
THEY DONT EVEN

DROP THE MIC,

DUDE. NO,
SERIOUSLY.

WANT TO HANG
WITH US ANYMORE!
HOW CAN I
GET HIM TO
TONE IT DOWN?

A Tell Chuckles to chill. Your social scene

is not his comedy club. Tell him you love
his jokesjust not when he makes your
friends the butt of them. He might push
back at the idea of dialing things down a
bit, but make clear this isnt about whether
or not your friends can take a joke, its
about whether or not he can take your
friends feelings seriously.

Q/ My fianc is a
wonderful guy, but I
like my alone time
more than he likes
his. When I want
more than a few
hours by myself, he
gets clingy and
thinks he did something wrong. I
havent done a
good job of explaining that Im a pretty
solitary person, but
I do want us to get
this straightened
out before we walk
down the aisle.
How do I get him
to understand?

spell this out,

because it seems like
its making him insecure. Say, I think you
sometimes assume
that when I want to
spend time alone, Im
pushing you away,
but Im not. I adore
you. I just need more
me-time. And I need
for you to let me have
that time because I
can be happierand
a better partner to
youif I get a few
hours to myself now
and then.

A Unless hes a Jedi,

he cant read your
mind. You have to

Hill is a contributing
writer for Cosmopolitan and
Cosmopolitan.com.

S E N D Y O U R D AT I N G O R R E L AT I O N S H I P D I L E M M A T O A S K H I M A N Y T H I N G @ C O S M O P O L I TA N . C O M .

159

LOVE LUST

During a family vacation, the

unthinkable happened. In
the aftermath of the tragedy,
writer Decca Aitkenhead
struggled to find the right
way to grieve.

THE CURIOUS THING about identity

is how little thought one gives it
until it changes. In May 2014, I
boarded a plane from London to
Jamaica under the complacent
delusion that I was setting off
on an ordinary family vacation.
We looked much like most other
families on the plane except
perhaps that I was white and
Tony black and our two young
sons fair but olive-skinned.
Otherwise, we were largely
unremarkable.
We stayed in a beach cottage
on a slender curl of empty sand
in a little fishing village we loved
called Treasure Beach. Day 10
dawned as every other had, to a
cloudless Caribbean sky. Tony
strolled down to the beach with
a mug of morning coffee, and
Jake, 4, followed in his pajamas, to paddle near Tonys feet
at the waters edge. I began yoga

B E A C H : G E T T Y I M A G E S . FA M I LY P H O T O : C O U R T E S Y D E C C A A I T K E N H E A D.

THE AUTHOR
WITH HER
HUSBAND AND
THEIR TWO
YOUNG SONS.

stretches on the deck of our cottage, while Joe, 3, played inside.

Glancing up minutes later, I
noticed a childs head bobbing in
the sea. I scanned the deserted
scene, wondering where its parents were. When I realized it
was Jake, panic flew me to the
beach, but Tony was already in
the ocean and had our son in his
arms. But he was also calling
for help. I plunged in, took Jake,
and fought the current to swim
him back to shore. With Jake
safely on the sand, I turned,
expecting to see his father wading out behind us. But the riptide that had swept Jake off his
feet was sucking Tony out to sea.
This tranquil little beach
assumed the sudden frenzy of an
emergency scene from a disaster
movie. People were streaming
onto the beach from houses on
either side of our cottage, hurling life rings, screaming for help.
As I paced frantically, three
fishermen swam out to Tony
and gathered him onto a life
ring. I stood waist-deep in the
surf, took the long rope tethered
to the life ring, and hauled the
knot of exhausted men ashore.
I thought we had saved Tonys
life. But two streams of white
foam trickled from his nostrils.
His lungs had filled with seawater. Has he died-ed? Joe asked.
I looked down at his pale, frightened face, unable to believe my
answer. Yes. He has. Tony had
died as were pulling him ashore.
I flew home, with two distraught boys and their fathers
body in a coffin, to a new identity. We had lost not just Tony
but the anonymity of normality.
No longer a wife but an object of
pitya public spectacleI was
about to discover that there is no
such thing as private grief.
Tonys death had been widely
reported in the national media
and was announced in newspa-

per headlines down our villages

main street: LOCAL MAN
DROWNS SAVING SON. Although
grateful to be spared the need to
keep breaking the news, I found
myself paralyzed with self-consciousness. I didnt know how I
was expected to behave. For that
matter, I barely knew anyone in
our village; we had moved there
from London only 12 months
earlier. Now nobody knew me
as anything other than the Dramatic Widow.
When the postman knocked
to offer his condolences, I was
touched. But whenever he had to
knock again, to deliver a parcel or
flowers, I couldnt tell how I was
meant to look. If I was always in
tears and a mess, would my grief
begin to look slovenly? I worried
that I was expected to pull myself
together, but then panicked that
he would think me cold or indifferent if I did.
After a week or so, I glanced
in the mirror and scarcely recognized myself. Something needed
to be done about my hair; my
eyebrows were in urgent need of
a wax. But if I went to the salon,
what would they think of me?
I pictured the beauticians gossiping (Who would think about
her hair at a time like this?) and
ended up driving miles to a town
where my vanity would escape
censure. It was a blazing-hot
summer the year Tony died, but
I fretted about how it would look
at the school gate if I showed up
in Daisy Dukes.
I wondered if I was being
paranoid. I dont think I was. It
is a human truth that when we
feel sorry for a stranger, the sympathy we feel is authentic, but at
some unconscious level, it also
confers on the stranger an obligation to reward our compassion
by conforming to our expectations. If a widow disappoints,

NO LONGER
A WIFE BUT
AN OBJECT
OF PITYA
PUBLIC
SPECTACLE
I WAS
ABOUT TO
DISCOVER
THAT THERE
IS NO SUCH
THING
AS PRIVATE
GRIEF.

Adapted from
Aitkenheads
memoir All at Sea,
out this month.

we feel somehow cheated, and

kindness will quickly curdle into
resentment. It is all too tempting
to form an impression that her
misfortune was in some obscure
way deserved. I felt I had to
appear blandly virtuous and
unobjectionable at all times.
It is another human truth that
most people find others pain
literally unbearable. I discovered
what people really wanted from
me when one of my more Pollyannaish friends came to stay.
Telling the truth about how
broken I felt was, I soon saw, a
mistake. Panic gathered in her
eyes. But of course, I diverted,
it could be worse. Jake could
have drowned too. The panic
faded a fraction; this was working. Were really very lucky. She
relaxed into a beam of approval,
and I basked in its warmth.
Already I could picture her
reporting this to othersIsnt
she brave?and anticipated
their awed admiration.
This public impersonation of
sunny self-possession was
exhausting, and I became mildly
agoraphobic. After nine months,
I took my sons back to Treasure
Beach. There, at last, I was no
longer a spectacle. In the Caribbean sunlight, my self-consciousness melted away. One night,
friends took me to a karaoke bar
in a rum shack in the hills. We
got drunk, got the giggles, and
before I knew it, I was onstage
singing Lady Marmalade. A
vaguely familiar man approached
me. How di boys? Then he
noted that Id been in mourning
the last time he saw me. Who
was that, I asked a friend. She
told me he was the police superintendent. Oh dear god. I had
tried so hard to be a good widow,
and now the officer who handled
Tonys death had caught me
drunkenly singing Voulez-vous
coucher avec moi ce soir? And
the amazing thing was, I no
longer cared.

AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

161

YOUR GUIDE TO THE MALE BRAIN

M AT C H P OI N T S

He knows how
to mix it upat
the kitchen
table and likely
in bedor
perhaps on the
kitchen table?

DECODE
HIS DATING
PROFILE
CLICH
What is looking for
an adventure even
supposed to mean? One
man explains.
BY MATTHEW K ASSEL

Looking
for More
Than Just a
Hookup
Yes, he could be
a truehearted,
sensitive guy
whos looking
for a girlfriend.
However, ya
know what else
is more than just
a hookup?
Multiple
hookups. See
what he did
there?

I Dont Like
Writing About
Myself
Could be hes a
humble guy, but
more likely, he
just doesnt
know who he
isor how to
articulate it.
Doesnt bode
well for his
communication
skills in a
relationship.

162 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

Looking
for an
Adventure
Hes really
looking for a
manic pixie
dream girl.
Proceed only if
you feel like
going on a
bunch of zany
dates...and
being his
short-term
muse.

I Do
CrossFit, but
I Promise
Not to Talk
About It
Hes lacking in
the self-control department because,
well, he just
talked about
it. But at least
hes selfaware. Let that
(and his pecs!)
guide you.

Looking
for My
Partner in
Crime
Tragically
unoriginal.
Direct him to
Meet-anInmate.com,
and move on.

MOVIE STILLS: EVERET T COLLECTION (6). ALL OTHERS: GET T Y IMAGES (2).

I Like
Breakfast for
Dinner

Keeping the
Convo Crisp
Must avoid getting
nervous and droning
on about obscure
sports stats. Thats
never hot.

B A E WAT C H

NETFLIX...AND
SPILL!
We are what we watch. Heres
what your guys screen time
says about your future together.

IRL
Expectations
Is she going to
live up to her
profile pics and
text game?
And am I going
to live up to
my pics and
text game?

22

Payment Plans
Do I get the bill?
One womans chivalry is anothers
condescension.

45

13

12%
8%

BY JON SAVITT
GUY ANXIETY

Spilling My
Drink
Needing a bib
is not a good
look if I expect
sex to follow.
Wearing the
Right Outfit
The line
between trying
too hard and
not trying hard
enough can
be thinner than
an American
Apparel T-shirt.

DUDES FIRST-DATE FEARS

What hes really stressing when hes waiting for you at the wine bar.
BY MATT SULLIVAN

HOUSE OF CARDS

MULAN

Hell do anything
to get to the top.
Dont be shocked
if he dips out of
a date early to
catch an Uber to
the White House.

It could be that
hes nostalgic,
or waitare you
two snuggling
on a sofa in his
parents
basement?

THE EXORCIST

13 GOING ON 30

Hes not a devil

worshipper. In
fact, hes brave!

He could be planning your wedding already or

PINEAPPLE
EXPRESS

THE MISSION:
IMPOSSIBLE
SERIES

Proceed with
caution. He may
be tapping into
his 401(k)
to replenish his
Doritos supply.

He couldnt get to
the gymand
everyone knows
this is the obvious
trade-off.
AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

163

The Form
Fights Take

CLOSE
ENCOUNTERS
by Esther Perel

Fix the
Fights
Youre Sick
of Having
YOU PROMISED YOURSELF THAT YOUD NEVER
HAVE THAT SAME OLD ARGUMENT, BUT HERE YOU
ARE HAVING IT. ITS TIME TO FIGHT SMARTER.
ITS NOT NECESSARILY a bad thing to fight.

There are plenty of strong yet

volatile couples. But certain lines
should not be crossed, and its
important to repair. To do that,
you need to validate the other
persons feelings and appreciate
that he or she experiences things
differently than you do.
What most people dont realize
is that youre not actually fighting
about money or commitment
or who does the housework.
What youre really fighting about
is feeling a lack of love, respect,
poweror some combination of
the three.

ESTHER PEREL IS
A SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS
THERAPIST, THE BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF
MATING IN CAPTIVITY, AND
A CONSULTANT FOR
THE HIT SHOWTIME
SERIES THE AFFAIR. HER
TED TALKS ON DESIRE AND
INFIDELITY HAVE
BEEN VIEWED MORE THAN
14 MILLION TIMES.

The content of your fight

doesnt matter nearly as
much as the form. If you
stood on a courtyard balcony and watched a bunch
of other people fighting on
their balconies, you would
see the same patterns play
out over and over again.
The first dynamic is
when you gather evidence
that reinforces your beliefs
and disregard evidence
that challenges them. We
call this confirmation bias.
You purposefully didnt
call me yesterday because I
dont matter to you. Even if
you told me, I didnt realize not calling you would
make you feel that way, and
Im sorry, Im still going
to prove you wrong. Thats
how crazy it isI would
rather have my confirmation bias proven than to
be relieved by hearing its
not true. Thats because a
confirmation bias provides
us with an order to our
feelings, and wed often
rather have a shitty order
than no order. Youre convinced that only one person
can be righti.e., you
rather than accepting that
theres another person next
to you who is having a completely different experience
of the same issue and has
a whole other point of view.
That leads to a standoff.
The second dynamic
at play in an argument is
negative attribution
theory. If Im treating you
poorly, its because I had
a bad day. If youre treating me poorly, its because
youre bad at relationships.
Its the thinking that my
experience is tied to a situation but yours is based
on your character and is
about you as a person.

The third is the negative escalation cycle. This is

when we incite from a person the very behavior we
dont want. Theres something in the predictability of
this that brings us a defeating certainty, even though

LOVE LUST

about him, to stonewall

you, or to attack you for
your offenses. What else is
he supposed to do? Youve
just said that its a fact
that he is a terrible person.
Nobody likes to be defined
by someone else.
Another mistake is
chronic criticismwhen

IF IM TREATING YOU POORLY, ITS

BECAUSE I HAD A BAD DAY. IF YOURE
TREATING ME POORLY, ITS BECAUSE
YOURE BAD AT RELATIONSHIPS.
its the opposite of what
we long for. For instance,
Im going to talk until you
scream, then Im going to
say youre a screamer and
I can never get through to
you. None of these dynamics are productive because
they lead to the same old
fights. Moreover, we blame
our partners for escalating
the arguments and fail to
see how much we contribute
to our own misery.

PEREL: COURTESY

The Big Mistakes

Everyone Makes
Most couples think that
when they say something
during a conflict, it is an
absolute truth rather than
a reflection of an experience they felt in that situation. If I feel it, then it
must be a fact. If I feel you
dont care about me, then
you dont care about me.
Another thing that makes
fights go sour is using the
words always and never.
I always do all the cleaning/You never help with the
cleaning. It leaves the other
person with no option but
to refute what you just said

IL LUS T R AT ION BY M AT T CH A SE

you criticize so much that

you leave the other person
feeling like he can never do
anything right. (Thats how
contempt builds, and contempt is the kiss of death
in a relationship.) The
truth is, a criticism is often
a veiled wish. When I say
You never do the dishes,
what I really mean to say
is Id love for you to do
them more. But I dont say
that because it makes me
vulnerable. If I put myself
out there and say, I would
really like this, and then
you dont do it, I have to
think that you dont care.

The Bad Patterns

to Break
A classic form of help comes
from switching from reacting to reflecting. When
youre having a conflict,
before you disagree with
your partner, try telling
her what you heard her say.
Research shows that when
youre in a disagreement,
youre generally capable of
repeating what the other
person said for only 10 seconds. After that, you go
into your rebuttal or tune
out. But its important to

repeat what was said so she

feels acknowledged. What
Im hearing you say is
that when I do this at these
moments, you feel X.
Its also helpful to use a
method developed by relationship scholar John Gottman and colleagues called
an XYZ statement: When
you do X in situation Y, I
feel Z. When were out with
friends and you cut me off,
I feel put down. Im not telling you thats what youre
doing, Im telling you how
Im feeling. (You can argue
with how a person defines
you but not with how a person feels.) This also helps
defuse escalating fights
because it forces you to
slow down and think about
what youre trying to say,
and then the other person
has to repeat it.
Next comes validating and empathizing.
People fight because they
want to feel that they mat-

ter, that the other person

respects what theyre going
through. A simple I can see
where youre coming from
is deeply validating. When
your experience is acknowledged, you feel sane.
The two of you dont
have to agree, but you do
have to acknowledge that
theres another person
who experiences the event
very differently from you.
It makes sense that you
would feel unloved if you
experience me as forgetting your birthday because
I didnt call at 7:30 a.m. If I
had interpreted my action
that way, I could see myself
feeling that way too. But
that was not where I was
coming from. Suddenly,
youre not arguing anymore. (This is not the same
as agreeing to disagree,
which actually creates a
disconnect and means
youve reached a dead
end.) You are holding on to
your truth yet are able to
acknowledge that theres
another person who has
another interpretation of
the same event.

AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

165

HOW D O
YOU H A NDLE A
FR IEND W HO NE V ER
SH UT S UP A BOUT
HER PROBLE MS
A ND D OE SN T CA R E
A BOUT YOURS?
A GUIDE TO
M A NAG ING T H E
E MOT IONA L
BLOOD SUCKERS
A ROUND YOU.
BY H E AT H E R H AV R I L E S K Y

DEAL
WITH
THE
DOWNERS
IN YOUR
LIFE

After all, who doesnt enjoy a really

dramatic girlfriend who sees her
world as spinning out of control all
the time or who has regular spats
with close friends or boyfriends that
shes willing to recap for maximum
entertainment value? Thats like
befriending the Jennifer Lawrence
character in a David O. Russell film
or having one of the Real Housewives on speed dial!
I savor a phone call from a friend
who feels persecuted by her coworkers and is positive shell never get
the attention or recognition she
deserves. I like people who are brutally honest. I like feeling needed.
And as shameful as it is to admit,
friends like these remind me that no
matter how tough things might seem
for me, they could be a lot tougher.

168

When I was younger, I never

wanted friends who answered How
are you? with a simple Fine! I didnt
want to skim the surface. I could do
that with the grocery store cashier!
I wanted friends who were prone to
analyzing the subtext of their bosss
e-mails or launching into hopelessly
long-winded rants about something
small but disheartening that happened on their commute to work that
derailed their whole morning.
Years ago, I was talking to a new
friend on the phone about her new
boyfriend, and she stopped and said,
Whatever. Who has time to analyze
this stuff? And I replied, I do. And if
I didnt, Id make the time. I wanted
all the juicy details.
Unfortunately, though, for all their
soothing and entertaining and lovably

messy qualities, high-maintenance

friendships sometimes dont age well.
You mightve been up for a steady
stream of complaints when you were
both in your teens or early 20s. When
youre working entry-level jobs and
dating noncommittal men, whats not
to hate? But as you mature, you may
find your favorite daringly honest
emotional storyteller doesnt mellow
with age so much as explode, leaving a mess everywhere. Youre a loyal
friend, determined to stick with her
through thick and thin, of course
but one day, you wake up and you
realize that not only has your friend
been having daily drama for a decade
straight, but she also doesnt seem to
remember how to listen to or support
you anymore. Its like shes forgotten
youre a separate person with needs
and desires of your own.
As a longtime advice columnist (you may know me as Ask
Polly), I often tell people to commit to their closest friends the way
they would commit to a life partner.

LOVE LUST
lord really is a nightmare! That boss
is a jerk! But what if listening for
hours never seems to help them and it
leaves you feeling exhausted and negative too? Arent friends supposed to
pick one another up instead of dragging each other into the swamp and
then trying to drown one another in
their respective sorrows?
You may have a firm lifelong commitment to a particularly charming
emotional vampire. (I love my highmaintenance friends so dearly, it
breaks my heart.) Still, you need some
way of seeing a little sunshine even
when a friend is determined to live in
a dark cave. So here are four strategies for handling the liveliest bloodsuckers without losing your sanity.

SET LIMITS

PHOTOGRAPHED BY NICK ONKEN

C L E A R LY

That includes sometimes stepping

in if you think theyre in danger. If a
friend seems continually depressed
or mentions suicide, its important
to strongly urge her to get professional helpeven go with her to that
first appointment. But maybe your
friend is just perpetually irritated and
incredibly self-centeredand shes
been that way for years now. As much
as I hate to admit it, there really are
some friendshipseven once-great,
old friendshipsthat, for whatever
reason, feel like theyre only hurting
both friends by dragging on well past
their natural expiration date.
Telling someone to break up with
their friend almost always feels wrong
to me. This is difficult for me to even
admit, because Im a staunch advocate
of letting it all out, from the biggest
existential crisis to the tiniest little
doubt about todays outfit. I embrace a
model of friendship in which a friend
falls into some hazy realm between
therapist, sister, superpowered wonder twin, and easily enraged sidekick.

But even though I still love complaints

and complainers, even though I am
still technically a next-level complainer myself, a complainer who can
elevate her complaints to a kind of art
formsomething exciting and gourmet, at once sweet and savory (todays
special: Complaints About Men,
Three Ways)I am much less interested in hearing a nonstop barrage
of complaints from my friends every
time I talk to them.
Ive been taking a hard look at
some of my more taxing friendships,
and I dont love what I see. Even when
I say to myself, Well, she is just a very
anxious person or I have to keep in
mind, shes going through a divorce,
theres still a lingering question in the
air: When was the last time she asked
me how I was or called me when she
didnt need something? When was the
last time I got off the phone feeling
better than I did when I picked it up?
Even mildly negative friends can
bring you down over time. Its sometimes hard to blame them. That land-

Draining friends are like little puppies. They will tromp all over you
if you let them. When you pick up
the phone and say that youre busy,
they will keep saying One more
thing until youre blue in the face
and late for your next appointment.
If you tell them you cant do something for them, theyll still ask three
more times. And forget asking these
friends to meet at some halfway point
between your places. Theres always
some special reason why they can
only meet you at the restaurant a
block away from their apartment.
If youre committed to a friend
in spite of her tendency to rip your
sense of well-being to little shreds,
then youre going to have to set some
limits. Tell her you can only talk for
15 minutes and set an alarm (maybe
one she wont hear!) for 14 minutes
later, leaving 1 minute to make it clear
you truly have to go. Then you have
to stick to your word. If you continue
saying I have to go over and over
without getting off the phone, youll
train this puppy to think that I have
to go! is just some random sound you
make. And once you are out of time,
you cant ask for permission. You cant
leave any wiggle room. You have to
AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

169

Visible Scars.
Meet Visible
Results.

draw a firm boundary.

HER: So then he says.
YOU: Im so sorry, but I really do
need to run right this minute. Lets
pick this up later. I want to hear the
rest very soon, okay?
HER: Okay.
Likewise, get used to voicing what
you can and cant do. Since I went
to you last time and my weeks looking pretty hectic, it would be great if
we could meet close to my place this
time. Remind yourself of these limits
before you pick up the phone. Slowly
but surely, your bad puppy will get
the message. Chances are, shell find
you super inflexible now, since shes
used to your being so malleable. Prepare to answer calmly, This is just
the basic give-and-take of friendship. Hold your ground and dont
apologize for wanting small, easy
things from her. If shes a good friend,
eventually shell understand and
break her selfish habits.

EMPATHIZE,

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THE N MAKE SUGG E STIONS

Its important not to just nod along
without saying a single word to contradict your friend when shes being
relentlessly negative. If you resign
yourself to listening to a tireless flow
of lamentations without saying anything in response, youre going to
resent that friend eventually. Youll
also feel like an enabler, inhabiting a
role that could just as well be filled by
a stuffed teddy bear. (Pull the string to
hear Oh! That sounds really hard!)

W E NEED TO DA R E
TO A SK FOR W H AT
W E WA NT FROM ONE
A NOT H ERA ND
TO DA R E TO G I V E IT
W H E N A SK E D.

That said, one of the most frustrating things about draining friends
is that every time you try to push
them to be a little less negative and
reframe their thinking about things,
they lash out or tell you why its absolutely impossible for them to change
anything. Sometimes this reaction is
mere defensiveness that arises from
low self-esteem. The strange irony of
draining friends is that they are often
mad at themselves for complaining
so much. They feel guilty for dragging you down, whether they show
it or not. So when you push them too
strenuously toward some hopeful or
optimistic or even pragmatic solution,
to them it feels less like youre saying
Try this! and more like youre saying
Youre doing it wrong because youre
bad! So always lead off with empathy before you (very gently) prod your
friend to reframe her thinking.

ASK FOR WHAT

YO U WA N T
You cant expect any friend to read
your mind. If you want your friend
to ask you how youve been doing
instead of launching right into her
own problems every time you talk,
you have to say so. Even though it
can be hard to ask a friend directly
for what you want or need, it often
not only clears the air but can also
bring the two of you closer. Its
important to do this with an emotional vampireand with any friend.
I recently told a friend of mine that I
missed her and I felt like I didnt see
my close friends enough anymore,
and it turned out she was feeling the
same way. We set up a monthly dinner date and also decided to collaborate on a work project together. None
of that wouldve happened if I hadnt
opened my mouth.
We put so much energy into communicating clearly with boyfriends
and colleagues, but when it comes
to friends, many of us feel embarrassed to speak directly or ask for
something they might not want to
give us. No wonder so many friendships linger on in a half-broken state.
We need to dare to ask for what
we want from one anotherand to
dare to give it when asked. Youre
going to know some of your friends
for decades to come. Why not set
a precedent now to make sure you
can be honest with and lean on each
other? Isnt that what friendship is
all about?

BOOK: COURTESY

SAY GOOD-BYE

(O R J U S T G E T S O M E
S PAC E ! )
Asking for what you want, though,
sometimes means not getting it. A
friend of mine used to call me whenever she was having a crisis, keeping
me on the phone for hours straight.
Not only did she never thank me for
dropping everything to help, she
would also seem to back away from
our friendship in the wake of a long
call. It was like she was embarrassed
by everything shed told me and she
needed to avoid me in order to forget

how vulnerable shed been with me.

One day, I was feeling sad about
our friendship and I went through
our old e-mails. My e-mails were
filled with expressions of love and
support. Hers were statements: Im
busy. I cant talk. Or Can you talk?
So I asked her for what I wanted: I
know you care about our friendship,
but you never say so. It would really
help me a lot to hear it sometimes.
I dont talk that way, she replied,
but Ill try. Sadly, though, she
seemed to back off even more after
that, and when I tried to talk about
it, she didnt call me back. As long
as she could control the tapcalling
when she needed me and disappearing when she didntand I didnt say
a word about it, the friendship was
fine with her. But the second I stated
my interest in a mutual give-andtake, she disappeared.
That doesnt mean shes a bad
person. We were both reckless
puppies for so long in our friendship
that a lot of resentment had built up
over the years. But I know now that I
want more from my friendships.
Settling for less than a little
flexibility, a little bit of compromise,
and a little gratitude doesnt sit well
with me anymore. Ultimately for
me, it doesnt really matter now if a
friend is a calm sea or never-ending
hurricane, an emotional blood
donor or emotional vampire, as long
as I know we love each other and
have each others backs. Saying
those kinds of words out loud is
important, just as important as it is
in any marriage or partnership.
When you put up with sloppy, selfish
behavior without opening your
mouth, youre communicating to
your friend that youre only worthy
of being trampled on. You cant have
great friendships if you dont expect
them and ask for them.

Heather
Havrileskys
new book,
How to Be a
Person in the
World, is out
this month.

STRESS TEST #7226

Go undercover in an unstable country.

Break a major story.
Start a movement for social change.
Have people say it went viral
because youre pretty.
Prove them wrong.
Do it again.

STRESS
TESTED
FOR
WOMEN

FA S H I O N E D I TO R: A DA M M A N S U R O G L U. H A I R: N ATA S H A L E I B E L U S I N G K R A S TA S E PA R I S C O U T U R E S T Y L I N G . M A K E U P: A L L I E S M I T H U S I N G
N A R S . M A N I C U R E : TAT YA N A M O L O T U S I N G D I O R V E R N I S . M O D E L : I L D I S I LVA / M S A M O D E L S . J A C K E T: J U I C Y C O U T U R E B L A C K L A B E L . P R O P
S T Y L I S T: A L L I E K I R C H E R .

EDITED BY
S A R A AU S T I N

Your Career
After You
Have a Baby?

BY MICHELLE RUIZ

PHOTOGR A PHED BY BEN GOLDST EIN

173

WORK
YOU DONT HAVE TO BE PREGNANT (or anywhere close to it) to wonder

how having kids would affect you at work. Some women

worry so much, they leave before they leave, as Sheryl
Sandberg wrote in Lean In, turning down promotions
or big projectsand the bigger paychecks that come
with themfor fear they wont be able to manage later.
If youre kid-curious, heres the real deal about the joy,
pain, guilt, and glory of working momhood.

Having a

consulting. I quickly got a

full-time job with benefits,
because I knew I had to
support my son. There was
no other option. I spent so
much time away from him
in the first years, he was calling both me and his nanny
Mommy. As I established
myself, I became a tougher
Its the norm for me to work negotiator with prospective
60-plus-hour weeks, so I
employers, because I knew
anticipated scaling back after he needed me around more.
having my son. But I cherish Before I accepted one job,
my career now so much more I made sure up front that I
than I thought I would. Im
wouldnt need to come in
still the same person who
before 9 a.m. or travel more
needs intellectual stimulation than four times a year.
and personal triumphs. I cant
pull all-nighters at the office
anymore, and thats a good
thing. My new reality is leaving earlier, hanging out with
my son, and working after he
goes to bed. I want to show
him how amazing life can be
when you work hard, get your
dream job, and do it well.
I was a senior marketing manager at Microsoft
when I had my first daughter nearly four years ago,
and I was eager to prove I
could be Super Mom. That
included taking her, starting
at 6 months old, on internaCecilia Pagkalinanwan, 42,
founder and CEO of appLOUD, NYC
tional work trips in order to
keep breast-feeding. I was
utterly exhausted. After getWhen I got pregnant with
ting laid off when I went
my son as a single mom 13
on maternity leave with my
years ago, I was freelance

baby made me
love my work

I realized

I needed

I became

a tougher
negotiator.

second daughter, I decided

not to rush back to work. I
realized I was a workaholic.
Id saved enough to take a
year off. When I first started
working, I set a financial
goal to have enough money
in the bank by the time I was
in my childbearing years to
give me flexibility. I considered it an insurance policy if
maternal instinct trumped
ambition. Now Im building
a strong connection with my
daughters, teaching yoga, and
doing freelance consulting.
I am thinking about returning to a corporate job in the
next year. The self-awareness
Ive gained is going to make
me a much more valuable
employee when I do.

Having a

baby made
me feel

Anonymous, 37,
New York City

I thought I would feel

guilty leaving my son at
day care, but I never have. I
think its good for him to be
with other kids. The hardest
thing is something Id never
considered: feeling stuck in

a job that is no longer challenging. If I change jobs

now, with an 18-month-old
and another baby on the
way, I might not get paid
maternity-leave benefits or
have family-leave job protection, which only kicks in

really cover things at night. I

could do nighttime events if
I booked a sitter in advance,
but there was no spontaneity. I tried to get around it by
putting my daughter to bed,
then having everyone over
at my home. I liked to think
I was engendering even
more goodwill that way.

I wish I

could afford
to stay
at home.

WATC H: B ULOVA

Solanlly Saglimbene, 34,

day-care teacher, New York City

a year after youve been at a

job and only applies at companies with more than 50
employees. The frustrating
thing is, I dont see any of
my male colleagues facing
this issue. They switch jobs
whenever they want.

Good-bye,

impromptu
work drinks.
Leslie Golden, 33,
former publishing associate and stay-athome mom, Alexandria, Virginia

Publishing is all about networkingagent lunches,

after-work drinks with editors. As soon as I had my
daughter, a lot of the social
stuff went away. My husband is a lawyer who works
long hours and couldnt

I wish I was a stay-at-home

mom, but I had to come
back to work because
bills. Me and my husband,
who is a social worker,
couldnt normally afford
to use the day care where I
work, but I get an employee
discount. So for three years,
Ive brought Kaylee with me.
(She goes to a different class
than the one I teach.) The
first day back, I burst out
crying, saying, I should be
taking care of my child, not
someone elses. Little by little, I got used to it. Im pregnant again, and its more
challenging this time. During my first pregnancy, I was
taking care of 3-year-olds.
Now Im with eight 1-yearolds, and I have to bend
down, lift them up, change
their diapers. Its worth
it because Im seeing my
daughter and watching her
grow. Shes speaking in full
sentences. She even knows
how to spell her name.
School has helped her.

AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

175

with a drink soloare you

kidding me? That sounded
glorious. Now that Ive found
work Im passionate about,
Im more motivated than
ever. I cant imagine having
nothing on my plate besides
taking care of a toddler.

Motherhood

made me
better

Lauren Smith Brody, 38, consultant

and author of forthcoming book The Fifth
Trimester, a three-month plan for new
moms returning to work, New York City

Ive

I lost

Theres something about

keeping a human baby
alive that makes you realize
Yeah, I can do almost anything. Learn KeyNote in a
day? No problem, because I
learned to breast-feed and
it was the hardest thing
Ive ever done. I became
more efficientwhen your
day has a hard stop, you
become more conscientious.
Parenthood also gives you
perspective. Everything I
Jaime Leifheit, 35,
do has to matter to me, in
owner of a dog-rescue business, Monroe,
Washington
some big or small way. When
Ive worked on less exciting
Pre-baby, I wasnt that moti- projects, Ive thought, Can
vated about work, so I stayed I mentor someone here? I
home for a year with my son. hope I helped younger
women see that it is possiI thought I would enjoy it,
but it made me miserable. I ble to transition to working
motherhood with a lot of
missed adult conversation.
I resented my husband, who joy. Moms in the workplace
have the power to change
was traveling a ton. Flying
on a plane or sitting at a bar work culture for us all.
also good for my daughters
to know my life does not
center around just them.

29,
medical resident, Austin, Texas

34, tutor and founder of

TailorMade Educational Consulting, Atlanta

work. Turns out, it didnt.

Still, there is no such thing
as balance in my life. When
Im at work, I am engaged
and excited, but I feel guilty
and miss my daughter.
When Im home, especially
if Im on call, I am still
thinking about work. I used
to fight feeling frazzled and
inadequate at both home
and work, but Ive accepted
it as the new normal.

husband and I wanted kids,

I scaled back. It took us four
years and a lot of doctors to
have our first child, so I plateaued. I was tutoring, but
there was nowhere to move
up. I missed being part of
a bigger picture. I recently
founded my own company,
counseling parents on
schools. As hard as it is with
a 2- and 4-year-old, I know
it will be good for me and

176 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

D R E S S : L I K E LY

surrendered momentum
to the
but Im not

giving up.
I work
because
Betsy Metcalf,
Anonymous,
I hate
staying
After college, I was a
I thought having a baby
teacher who wanted to be
might change my DNA and
home.
head of a school. When my
make me want to give up

WORK

Ode to the
Lactation Room
Or how I learned to stop worrying and love
pumping in front of my coworkers.
BY S A M A N T H A H E NI G

EVEN THE TERM made me

squirm. Lactation room.
A windowless room on the
second floor of my office, six
chairs arranged as if for a
book club, on which women
sit with their boobs hooked
up to machines that are a
cross between a sci-fi torture
mechanism and a device
meant for a farm animal.
I am someone who had
to quit the gym (with a pool!
and a sauna! and a company
rate!) for fear of ending up
in the locker room next to
a seminude coworker. So I
was not okay with the idea
of sitting, nipples out, in the
lactation room.
Newly back at work after
a blissful three-month
maternity leave, it felt wrong
to be apart from my baby
just as she was growing
more sparkly by the minute, and the lactation room
accentuated my despair. I
knew I was lucky. At least
I wasnt pumping in a supply closet; at least no one
gave me a hard time about
retreating to a milk den
twice a day; at least I had
women coworkers. But more
than gratitude, I felt discomfort. I had been awed by
the way my body could create this perfect, immunityboosting sustenance. But in
this room, pumping during
20-minute breaks blocked
out on my Google calendar,
this was not a beautiful, natural thing. This was weird.

In those early weeks,

everything about my job that
had once felt so important
the memos, the PowerPoints,
the gossip, the slights
struck me as meaningless.
All I wanted to do was look at
photos of my baby, talk about
my baby, miss my baby.
As it turned out, the one
place at work where I could
be as baby-crazed as I wanted
to be was also the place I had
been dreading most. I began
to look forward to my pumping breaks as the one time I
could allow myself to focus
on what I was thinking about

And yes, we saw each

others bare torsos
engorged tits, belly flab,
and all. Some of us used
baby blankets for privacy;
others didnt bother. Many
donned ludicrous bustier
getups suited for mom porn,
if such a thing exists, with
holes over the nipples where
the receptacles go. I found
myself less uncomfortably
aware of nudity than of milk
supplies. I was as self-conscious of my dwindling yield
as I had been of pasty legs
or wandering bikini lines in
the gym locker room.
As the months passed, the
crew shifted. One woman
planned a solo trip to Paris to
celebrate her daughters first
birthday, a time at which
many women stop breastfeeding. She wasnt going to
bring her pump, she told us
with a smile. I didnt see her
in the room again.
New women arrived. I
learned the look of a firstday-back momeyes darting around in search of
signs of some lactation-room
etiquette shes failing to
observe, no doubt wondering
what shes doing here at the
all day anyway. I learned to
recognize my fellow milk pro- office when it feels so terrible.
But the look doesnt last.
ducers not just as the bearThe anguish doesnt last.
ers of nipples I didnt want
One lactating coworker
to see but also as cohorts.
told me about staring blankly
We discussed sleep schedat a hospital form just after
ules and introducing solids.
We gave and received hand- giving birth, totally unsure
what to put next to relationme-downs. We even talked
about work, in a secret sister- ship to patient, until a nurse
gently prodded: mother.
hood that felt like a twisted
counterpart to the old boys During those months of
maternity leave, we had
club. (Instead of smoking
cigars and drinking brandy, all learned to embrace our
we were multitasking, clack- mother identities. And over
time, within those walls, we
ing on laptops while being
literally drained. All that for learn to embrace the working mother identity too.
80 cents on the dollar.)
AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

177

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WORK

Change
the World
With Your
Ideas
Curing genetic disease? Altering
DNA? Its not sci-fiits the potential
of the gene-editing breakthrough
CRISPR-Cas9. Jennifer Doudna,
professor of chemistry and molecular
biology at the University of California
at Berkeley, tells how it happened.
A S TOLD TO SAR A AUSTIN

180 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

Dont Go Solo

Taking risks and pursuing

curiosity-driven projects
opens the door to things that
I wanted to become a biochemist even in high school. none of us could predict.
When Im choosing people
But I could never have
for my lab, I look for people
imagined that this career
would give me the opportu- who are excited about ideas
nity to travel and work with and different areas of sciscientists all over the world. ence. They read widely, they
The CRISPR project started go to seminars, they run into
about 10 years ago when my somebody in a coffee shop
and learn something new
colleague Jillian Banfield
told me about an observation and thats where they get a
that her lab and a few others key idea.
had made: that bacteria
might have a way to detect
Stand Up for Ethics
and destroy viruses. I eventually collaborated with
In 2014, CRISPR technolresearcher Emmanuelle
ogy was used in editing the
Charpentier to harness this genes of monkey embryos.
system as a technology and
I wondered, How long will
apply it to problems like cur- it be until somebody does it
ing genetic diseases. Science with human embryos? I
is very much a collaborative made an active decision to
job, which is a great thing.
get involved in the ethical
conversation. Ive been
working with colleagues
Find a Win Outside
to create the Innovative
Work
Genomics Initiative, which
When I was a grad student, will invite the public to
think with scientists about
I had to fight through selfhow to use this powerful
doubt. If I did poorly on an
exam or had an experiment technology responsibly.
If we all engaged in these
fail, I would do something
kinds of ethical discussions,
else to have little successes.
it would make for a healthI took an art class where
I could experience some joy ier global society.
in creating something. Or
I would try to grow a new
Just Be You
kind of tomato in my garden
or run a 10K race. You think, In my younger years, I wonOkay, Im not a total faildered whether someone
ure. That keeps you going
who looks as feminine as I
through times of struggle.
do could succeed in a job so
male-dominated. Then at
Yale University, I worked
Look for Ideas
with Joan Steitz, who was
Everywhere
a highly respected scientist
Ive tended to pick problems but who also came to work
to study based on my curios- in heels, skirts, and nice
ity about the natural world. jewelry. I thought, Wow, I
dont have to dress like one
We need focused efforts to
of the guys. You can be a
solve problems as well, but
woman and express that in
theres been a move away
from fundamental research. whatever way you want.

COURTESY SUBJECT

JENNIFER DOUDNA
WON THE
LORAL-UNESCO
FOR WOMEN
IN SCIENCE AWARD.
NEXT STOP,
NOBEL?

2016 Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company.

Skittles and the Upside Down Rainbow and all affiliated designs are trademarks of the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company or its affiliates.

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WORK

GIVE
YOURSELF
A RAISE
Need some extra cash?
Its easier than ever to find
a side gig.
BY K ATE RO CK WOOD

THE BASICS UberX drivers must

be 21, pass a background
check, have a clean driving
record (with no more than
three minor violations
in the last three years), and
have auto insurance. Other
regulationslike obtaining a
for-hire permitvary by city,
county, and state. Uber has
a leasing option, but its best
to use your own car.
WORK IT Jennifer Clark of
Bothell, Washington, worked
at a car dealership, but the
hours were less than parentfriendly. Instead of trying to
fit my son into my work
schedule, I decided to work
around his, she says. She
loves meeting new people,
but her 4.93 (out of 5) rating
doesnt come easy. Clark says
all the driving kills her car,
and she pays for repairs. She
also prefers to skip late-night
drives to avoid drunk, rowdy

You LikeKIDS
Try CHIME
THE BASICS Sittercitys ondemand service, Chime, is in
Chicago, DC, Boston, and
NYC. (Sittercity is nationwide.) Youll need child-care
chops, references, and to ace
an in-person interview and a
background check. Then
Chime creates a profile, and
you list when youre free at
least three weeks in advance.
Parents use Chime to book
jobs during the time slots you
set aside.
WORK IT Colleen Fee, a

Chicago actress, likes that

Chime lets her work around
auditions and out-of-town
jobs. Chime sets the rates for
each gig by location and
number of kids. One potential
downside is last-minute confirmationslike a 3 p.m.

182 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

booking for a 6:30 p.m. gig.

Fee sits two or three times a
week, making $60 to $120 a
pop before (optional) tips.

You LikeDOGS
Try ROVER
THE BASICS You build a profile,
provide references, and must
pass a background check and
safety quiz. Once accepted,
you set your own rates. Pet
owners book you for dog
walking (generally $15 to $20
for half an hour), drop-in visits
or house-sitting at their place,
or day care or boarding
(usually $20 to $45 per night)
at yours.
WORK IT After years at a
stuffy, stressful office job in
Phoenix, Melanie Lewis
decided to freelance from
home and supplement her
fluctuating income with
Rover. She regularly makes
about $1,000 a month. There
are risks: One dog peemarked his new territory
her houseall weekend.
Other energetic dogs need

You LikeSHOPPING
Try INSTACART
THE BASICS Instacart shoppers
wait at grocery stores to pick
and pack up online orders
for delivery. They must be
21, pass a background check
and phone interview, and
take a customer-service
quiz. (If fruit is moldy, do
you shrug it off or work out a
replacement?) No car
needed unless you sign up
as a delivery driver as well.
WORK IT Kassidy Pritchard, a
wedding photographer in
Austin, Texas, often works
weekends, making Instacart
a better choice for a side gig
than retail or restaurants. I
work at Whole Foods, which
is fun even when work is
slow, she says. I hang out in
the caf or check e-mail.
Pritchard makes a flat rate of
$7 per hour (rates vary by
market) but as much as $20
per hour with tips.

GUIL L E FAINGOL D/ S TOC K SY

You LikeDRIVING
Try UBERX

passengers. Clark earns $14

to $25 per hour after Ubers
cut (20 to 30 percent) and
gets health insurance through
the state exchange.

constant watching, making

boarding more of a full-time
gig. She tries to do meet-andgreets to acclimate visitors
and make sure they play nice
with her own dogs.

BY AUROR A TOWER
@AUROR A ASTRO

0 8 . 2 3 0 9. 2 2

Think of the next

few weeks as a
b-day pregame!
Inspiration
abounds when
Mercury opposes
Neptune near the
7th. Keep your
brain engaged
and your mind
motivated as the
Sun moves into
your sign on the
22nd and Jupiter
unites with Venus
on the 27th.
YOU NEED: To
rest and relax.
VIRGO GUY:

He gets lost in his

own thoughts.
Show interest in
his inner world
and share yours,
and youll be at
the top of his
mind and body.

Make time for partying poolside under the stars before the 15th, but avoid
sealing the deal with any sweethearts around the 7thyou want to be free for romance
on the 18th. Venus and Jupiter unite on the 27th, bringing a late-summer hookup.

0 9. 2 3 10 . 2 2

10 . 2 3 11. 21

11. 2 2 12 . 21

12 . 2 2 01.19

01. 2 0 0 2 .18

0 2 .19 0 3 . 2 0

You and your pals

are linked as tight
as daisy chains
now! Let them
lead after Venus
moves into your
zone of privacy
and intuition on
the 2nd. When
Lady V arrives in
your sign on the
28th, youll be
ready to rule the
ball again.
YOU NEED: To be
spontaneous!
LIBRA GUY: Dont
feel left out if hes
spending a lot of
time with his
peeps. Suggest a
group outing
where both your
friend squads can
meet. After, you
can lead him
home, all alone.

A career high will

exhilarate you on
the 2nd, when
Venus enters your
zone of fame and
success. Take a
bow and then a
breather if you
can travel. Youll
hustle hard
again after a key
meeting with a
business bigwig
on the 17th, one
of your best days
of summer. Tell
all on the 28th.

Lately, it feels like

youve gone from
zero to hero.
Near the 2nd,
new condence
pushes you to
shake things up.
Mars moves into
your sign the
same day,
nudging you on a
new path. When
Mars unites
with Saturn on
the 24th, youll
be unstoppable.

Youll be in high
demand when
the Sun makes a
perfect trine with
Saturn on the
1st. When Saturn
goes direct again
on the 13th,
youll nd clarity
about a tough
personal issue.
Take that
freedom and hit
the road at the
end of the month.
YOU NEED: To
spice up your life!

An array of
planets in your
relationship zone
puts you in a
breezy mood.
After Uranus
makes a lovely
trine to Venus on
the 1st, you may
start having
X-rated fantasies
about a G-rated
friend....Get
lucky during the
Full Moon eclipse
on the 18th.

YOU NEED:

To start a new
adventure.

CAPRICORN GUY:

To expect the
unexpected.

No seesaw here:
Work and love
are in near-perfect balance now.
Youll ace work
on the 7th, when
Mercury opposes
Neptune. On the
22nd, the Sun
moves into Virgo,
signaling the start
of a new romance
(or two). Have
a hot night out
on the 27th.
YOU NEED: To
eat all the fruits
and veggies.
PISCES GUY: If he
disappears into
his computer
because of work,
meet him in the
digital world with
a few naughty
texts thatll keep
him up at night.

To dress like the

boss you are.
SCORPIO GUY:

Hes aiming for

the stars now and
wont settle for
less, so buckle up
and ride into the
sunset together!

YOU NEED:

SAGITTARIUS GUY:

He loves
spontaneity, so
pack your bag full
of sexy little
somethings and
steal him away
for the weekend.

Hes all about

intimacy right
now. Open up
about your
deepest fantasies
and you might
reset his cosmos
with a big bang
of your own.

YOU NEED:

AQUARIUS GUY:

Take advantage
of his romantic
mood and have
dinner and
dessert at home
with you as the
cherry topper.

PISCES
AQUARIUS
CAPRICORN
SAGITTARIU
SCORPIO
LIBRA
VIRGO

184 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

Brave, dynamic,

Your pride and

C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P L E F T: C O U R T E S Y D A N I E L S D U N N A M ; G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 2 ) .

Beauty entrepreneur
Kylie Jenner stands
out on every red carpet
(and Insta photo).
August 10, 1997

0 3 . 21 0 4 . 2 0

0 4 . 21 0 5 . 21

05.22 06.20

Time to werk up a
sweat! Go all out
outdoors so youll
be all focus
indoors. Mars
makes a stunning
trine to Uranus
on the 16th,
boding well for
brainstorming
and exploring.
You may do both
on the 24th when
a dream edges
closer to fruition.
YOU NEED: To
take success into
your own hands.
ARIES GUY: Youre
both strapped for
time now, so even
a little extra effort
(a ery look here,
a lingering kiss
there) will stoke a
bonre youll both
remember.

Good thing
summer sun
tends to mash
your inner couch
potato. The 17th
will be a superspecial day when
Venus makes a
terric trine to
ardent Pluto. Get
it in with your
main squeeze in
the last week of
August, an
excellent time for
love and fun.
YOU NEED: To tap
in to your feelings.
TAURUS GUY: Hes
determined to hit
every point on his
summer checklist
with you. Explore
and then let him
know exactly
where X marks
your spot.

You love it when

lifes abuzz!
Mercury brings

You alternate

Extravagant gifts

You love the

your calendar lit
hit at work. Your
nurturing side
takes over when
the Sun slides
into Virgo on the
22nd. Look after
others as well
as yourself
before Mercury
goes retrograde
on the 30th.
YOU NEED: To get
sh*t done!
GEMINI GUY: Be
patient if his
mind is racing. A
staycation should
help him focus on
the important
things again....

enters your zone

of communication. You reign at
work on the 24th.
YOU NEED: To rest
and rock out in
equal measure.
CANCER GUY: Its
A-OK if hes
testing the ropes
of your relationship. Your
individuality
makes shared
moments of
bonding (and
bondage...) even
more intense.

GUY
Michael
Ealy } 0 8 . 0 3 .73

LOVES:

Independent
women who
pursue their
dreams.
HATES:

Cliquishness
and meanspirited gossip.
DREAM DATE:

CANCER
GEMINI
TAURUS
ARIES

A beach day
with great music
and eats where
you both get wet
and wild.
WIN HIM OVER:

By showing you
can hold your
own but still
know how to

if theyre true, youll delight in

making them roar day and night.
Your month: August is going
to be good to you. The New Moon
in your sign on the 2nd imbues
you with the energy and selfassurance you need to start the
month right at work. Around
the 10th, your focus will shift to
lifes other pleasures. Youll be
over the moon when the Full
Moon eclipse in your zone of
relationships on the 18th signals
the beginning of a new love affair.
Your year: Claim your crown,
kween! From love to work to
travel, youre putting major plans
into action, which will blossom
through December. Say yes to
every opp, and then work out the
details later. One of them will be
your golden ticket to success!
You need: To show the world
exactly what youre made of.

BEST MATCHES
Gemini: His high EQ makes him
a big hit with your friends, while
his high Ahh-Q and inventiveness
make him extra fun in the sack.
Libra: Hes charming, easygoing,
and gentlemanly, so you always
feel like royalty whether youre in
a crowd or home alone together.
AUGUST 2016 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

185

bitch
it out!

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IN HER OWN WORDS
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Enjoy allll the room you want!

SAMANTHA F.

STOCKING STUFFER

Panty-hose feet = bare feet. Gross.

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PEARL COLLECTIVE,

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186 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ AUGUST 2016

LOUNGE LIZ A RD

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PAGE 139: GAL DANCE,

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COSMO QUIZ
THE BREAKDOWN
MOSTLY AS

CASTAWAY

LE N ZO OK
K AM AN D HE
BY DA NI EL LE

MOSTLY BS

Your last

Nothing is worth a
second viewing.
b. Anything starring
Ice Cubes look-alike
son. Reincarnations of
90s icons give you life.
c. Freaky Friday
(the LiLo version). You
own it on DVD and still
have nightmares about
seeing it on a Leaving
Netix Soon list.

You got a lastminute invite

to a decades
theme and order from
Rent the Runway.
Your wardrobe has a
weeklong shelf life.
b. Wear the Drug
Rug Bieber inspired you
to buy but pretend you
inherited it pre-Y2K.
c. Deconstruct the
shadowbox frames you
lled with every rstday-of-school outt.

188

youd rather not

relive your rainbow
braces phase, thx.
b. A video you shot
with the VHS
Camcorder app. Grainy
footage is so retro chic.
c. A baby pic from
the archive of photos it
took you two months
to upload to Dropbox.

You are nally

unpacking from
a. Nothing special.
Souvenir shops give
you hives.
b. The puka-shell
choker Dimitri gave you
on the beach. What
happens in Ibiza
c. Every ticket stub
and dried-up hermit
crabplus the vial of
tears you shed after
nding a message in a
bottle washed ashore.

HISTORY BUFF

Out of all the

stuff your exes
left behind,
a. Nada. TBH, you
think you saw it all in
the Avery salvage yard
on Making a Murderer.
b. A B*Witched
concert tee from your
junior high make-out
partner. Their reunion
tour is inevitable.
c. Everythingand
the certicate for your
web domain, where you
take virtual tours of all
your past relationships.

You keep some oldies, but

only because youre
obsessed with nostalgia.
Reliving the glory days is
fun! But a throwback is more
attention seeking than
meaningful. Give some
memorabilia to your cuz and
focus on tangible moments.

MOSTLY CS

CLUTTER QUEEN
Sure, youre organizedbut
you still have a ton of excess
stuff. Hoarding every
childhood token keeps you
from living in the now. Give
more value to this photo
from that great day I had
and less to this sweater I
wore when I got my rst A.

ASTRONAUT IMAGES/GE T T Y IMAGES

Whats your
go-to girls-night

Should we le a missing
persons report? Your history
is MIA. Its good to live in
the present, but dont delete
your past or your home
will look like an IKEA
display. Resist the urge to
toss and youll build up a
tasteful collection of
memories manifested.

The other guy.

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