5.

Isle Esme

“Houston?” Bella asked.

“Just a stop along the way,” I grinned. She seemed worried about
where air honeymoon would take place. She didn’t want me to stay
inside, away from the public eyes, when the weather was nice. I knew
what she wanted and she knew that part of me wanted that, too.
Bella seemed to sleep peacefully from Seattle to Houston. I
was always amazed by how goddess like she looked when she slept. I
did not want to wake her, but we had to leave when the plane landed. I
grabbed her through airport, so we won’t miss our next plane.
“Rio de Janeiro?” She asked still confused.
“Another stop along the way,” I reassured her.
When we were finally on the next plane, Bella seemed to drift
back to her sleeping mode. The flight was long and I finally had some
time for myself, so I could think of what was going to happen when we
would reach our destination. I could feel nervousness and scariness
and lustfulness, and lots of it.
As time seemed to drag on, the plane was almost to the
airport. When Bella woke, she seemed alert and focused.
I found our things and took them to one of the cabs waiting
outside. I gave the man the directions and we started to move. We
continued in silence, until the cab driver informed me we were here. A
guessed in my head that Bella was wondering what we would be doing
here, surrounded by boats on a dock. I showed her to our ride, put our
bags on the boat, and then help Bella get on.
She sat on one of the seats as I prepare the boat. I loved the
way her skin looked in the moonlight. It gave her a beautiful glow that
could only be naturally from within her.
I knew Bella was nervous and she was probably trying to
guess geographically where we headed.
I had always loved the speed and the way the wind felt on my
skin and hair. I knew that my life was perfect , Bella was my wife and I
her husband, we were alone and tonight was going to be something I
wanted since I met her, but I never thought my fantasies would come
true, but they were tonight.
 Then I heard her. “Are we going much farther?” I guessed she
wouldn’t like the idea of us having our honeymoon on this boat. Then I
said. “About another half hour, till we get there.” I glanced toward her
and grinned, she was holding on the seat so tightly. I remembered she
didn’t like the speed. I hoped that would change, when she would
become one of us.
“Bella look there,” I said and pointing, not knowing if she
could see what I saw. I saw the palm trees, the rocks and the sand, but
what I looked at was the moon, so perfect on the horizon. Then I saw
the place we would stay, the large house.
“Where are we?” She said surprised.
“This is Isle Esme,” I said smiling toward her. I drove the boat to the
dock and turned it off.
“Isle Esme?” She repeated.
“A gift from Carlisle and Esme offered to let us borrow it” I like
this Island, it was quiet and peaceful and private, maybe I would buy
something like this, I thought.
I took our things to the dock and came back to my wife, my
Bella. She held her hand out for me to help her; instead, I cradled her
in my arms, close to me.
“Aren’t you supposed to wait for the threshold?” She
whispered.
I grinned again. “I’m nothing if not thorough.” I said as I
walked toward the house. I heard Bella’s heart beginning to move fast,
I looked at her and wondered what scared her. Did she doubt her
decision of losing her virginity and making love with me? I lost my
mind thinking about that, and didn’t say anything I would wait.
I placed our bags down, opened the door, and waited for her
to face me. I decided that if she wanted to back out of our deal, it was
okay. Then she looked at me and then showed her through the house,
turning the lights as we went. I slowed down as we reached the last
room and turned on the last light. It was or bedroom, It was big and
roomy , it had big and long glass windows, white walls and a huge king
size canopy bed with mosquito netting.
“I’ll… go get our things. I walked at a human’s pace, thinking
about what would or wouldn’t happen. I grabbed the bags and checked
the temperature. I was a little warm, but that was a precaution.
As I returned up the stairs, I saw Bella near the bed. I slowly
walked to her and touched the back of her neck with one of my cool
fingers. “It’s a little hot in here.” I said. “I thought… that would be
best.”
“Through,” She murmured, looking around.
I chuckled and I sounded a little nervous.
 “I tried to think of everything that would make this… easier.” I
said. Bella swallowed loudly from in front of me. Was she rethinking or
just nervous.
I told myself I wouldn’t back out, but if she told me “no” or
stopped me, I would be okay.
“I was wondering if” I started to say, “If … if maybe you would like to
take a midnight swim with me?” One-step at a time I told myself, as I
took a deep breath. “The water will be warm. This is the kind of beach
you approve of.”
“Sounds nice” Her voice broke saying this.
“I’m sure you would like a human minute or two… it was a
long journey” She nodded; I touched my lips to her throat; below her
ear. “Don’t take too long Mrs. Cullen,” I repeated my lips at her neck.
I strode past her to the doors that led from where we were. I
took my shirt off and dropped it down to the floor, and kept walking in
to the beach.
I knew Bella was nervous, this was perfectly normal for her to
feel this way about the first time she would be with someone, ant it
was also my first time.
I found a palm tree and decided to leave the rest of my
clothes on the tree.
And as I walked into the water and I wondered how Bella looked naked.
I bet she was beautiful and looked like a goddess. Then I wondered
what she would think of me, not being able to read her mind always
hurt even more each time.
I swam near the ocean floor, checking to see if she made it to
the beach.
I was in waist deep water, when I heard her heart. I was
facing my back to the house, so she wouldn’t feel intimidated, because
I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes from her body, my hands where on
top of the water.
“Beautiful” I heard her say of the moon.
“It’s alright,” I said as I turned toward her. Her skin was
glowing again under the moonlight. I could see her arms covering her
breasts and I was so eager to see her. And I was excited because we
were both nude and our bodies so close.
I held my hand to her, so we could intertwine our fingers and
we did. Then she half-smiled, then raised her other hand and placed it
over my silent heart and I shuddered by her warm touch and the way
her breast looked. My breath came rougher now.
“I promised we would try,” I whispered tense.
“If … if I hurt you, you must tell me at once.”
 She nodded, keeping her eyes on me and she took a step
through the waves and pressed her head on my chest. “Don’t be
afraid”, she murmured, “We belong together.” Never in my life had I
felt this, it was so right, so perfect.
“Forever,” I agreed and pulled us gently into deeper water.
After all, we said, I wasn’t worried or scared of hurting her. I
was ready, she was ready, just waiting for me to make the next move,
and I did.
Slowly I leaned down and gently crushed my cold lips to her
warm ones. This kiss felt, beyond words. We both moved closer, until
there was no space between us. I felt her heart beat; it was making the
most beautiful sound ever. Then I knew we would seal our deal. Then I
felt something, I thought that had died, it burned and ached to be in
Bella, my erection burned hotter. I had to say her name.
“Bella,” I moaned, “Edward” she moaned. My lips left hers
and went down her neck, to the hollow of her throat and under her ear.
My hands where around her arms and hers were around my neck. I
knew she wanted me to continue and so I did. I grabbed her waist and
she wrapped her legs around my hips.
“Bella are you ready?” I asked her.
“Yes” was her answer. That was it I took her inside and placed her on
the bed and I climbed in. She was such a beautiful goddess her body
was flawless. Her breasts were the right size and her curves were a
perfect fit.
“What are you doing?” She asked. “Looking at you.” I replied.
She looked embarrassed. She stopped me by brushing her lips on my
chest. Warmth seethed throughout my body, if I thought I was on fire
minutes ago, this was nothing compered to that. My body longed to
make mine. To feel her around me, under me and everywhere.
I sighted.
“What's wrong Edward?” Bella asked worried.
“Nothing is wrong my precious, I was thinking how lovely our time
together has been.” I lied. I didn't want to express my fantasies about
the feeling of being with in her. She grabbed my neck and kissed me
roughly.
Slowly unwounded her arms.
“Bella, we have to go slow. I can't hurt you. Please bear this with me.
Please.” I asked her.
“I'm sorry, your just so... tempting!” She said while blushing.
“Please let me be in charge.” I said.
“Okay, we'll go slow.” She promised.
Slowly I started to close the gap between us and I kissed her.
I kissed her slowly and then my desire was too much and I kissed her a
bit harder.
Bella moaned and that fulled more and more desire.
I stared to kiss her cheek, giving her time to breath. I made my way to
her neck and I kissed from her earlobe to her collarbone.
“So lovely.” I whispered into the night.
My brain was on overload and Bella started to touch me. She started
on my face, then my neck and then my chest.
“Ugh...Bella.” I moaned when she ducked and started to kiss my neck.
She then started to like my neck and chest.
Fire erupted out of me as she got closer to the place I wanted to
please.
While she continued that I started to touch her collarbone and as I was
going closer to her breast, her nipples harden.
I cupped her in my hand and she moaned.
“Bella...” I whispered into her ear “... you are so mouthwatering.”
“Ummm... Edward I need you so much!” She moaned as I kept on
touching her breasts.
Slowly I laid her down and She opened her legs to make room. "I'm
starving for you," I whispered thickly. "I want you so much that I ache
for you."
«Ugh... Edward take me, make me yours, make me a women for the
first time!” She moaned.
Slowly I placed myself on her entrance.
I looked up and saw she was watching us, I slowly pushed in and Bella
and I let out a primitive moan.
I pushed in some more and we continued our moans.
The I felt her seal, I knew It would hurt, and I grabbed her breasts and
licked the and pushed in quickly and stayed still inside her.
I didn't look at her face, I could, not yet.
Even thought I didn't look at her, I could smell salt, which meant she
was crying. Both my arms balled in to fist on the side of her head, they
were supporting my weight.
Gently as ever I looked at her.
I was surprised her eyes were watery, but her emotions showed glee.
“Bella? Are you okay?” I asked her.
As she opened her mouth a moan escaped her lips.
I moaned back, because the feeling of being with in her was wonderful.
My arms closed around her with some force, my mouth opening over
hers in a kiss that demanded she return the same stormy passion that
I was offering her. My hands claimed her body, stroking her neck, her
back, her breasts, then sweeping down, pulling her tightly to my rigidly
aroused manhood. Instinctively, Bella moved her hips against me. I
groaned with rampaging desire and plunged my hand into her hair,
holding her mouth to mine as my tongue began matching her
inflaming movements.
I tore My mouth from hers and lavished scorching kisses on her face,
her eyes, her neck.
Sensations that only we could make. As a storm we needed to destroy
the fire within ourselves. She demanded hard and faster and I went a
little bit hard and faster.
The sound of our bodies slapping against each other. Slowly I went and
saw us meet. The image almost made me come. Bella was screaming
and her walls tightening around me and my manhood throbbed and I
knew we were going to climax. I felt her shudder before I started
shuddering and poured inside of her. We came from our high and I
slowly pulled myself and Bella to our sides. I wanted to say hidden in
her, her warmth that almost burned my skin.
“Bella, I love you.”
“I love you, too Edward. We belong together...” She said and fell
asleep.
I took myself out and I just had to bit something, because of a
sensation I felt. I grabbed one or two pillows and bit them and then I
got calm. She was amazing. I wanted to do it again but she fell as
sleep from our first time making love.
Later that same night I noticed that bruises started to blossom across
her body.
Again, I knew I wasn’t human; I was a monster who hurt her. I knew
she was sleeping, but would she hate me, because of what I did to
her? I kept my eyes on her perfect body turning purple in some places.
I did this to her, I turned her perfect goddess like body to a purple
patch of skin on her body. I hated myself I wished I could die.
I remember I had bitten one or two pillows and my Bella and I were
covered from head to toes.
Bella finally woke around 10 or 11 am, but didn’t open her eyes. I
gently touched my finger to her skin going up and down her spine.
I heard her giggle. “What’s so funny?” I murmured, still touching her
back. She blushed and then her stomach growled. Great I forgot she
needed to eat.
“You can’t escape being human for very long.” She giggled once more.
Bella finally woke around 10 or 11 am, but didn’t open her eyes. I
gently touched my finger to her skin going up and down her spine.
I heard her giggle. “What’s so funny?” I murmured, still touching her
back. She blushed and then her stomach growled. Great I forgot she
needed to eat.
“You can’t escape being human for very long.” She giggled once more.
I was shocked that she could be giggling after what I did to her.
I just kept staring at the frothy canopy above us. I could feel her
getting on her elbows to see me.
“Edward,” she said trying to catch her breath. “What is it? What’s
wrong?”
“You have to ask?” I said in a hard tone.
She kept silence, probably thinking of what to say. Her forehead
started to make some worried lines, so I decided to smooth them out.
“What are you thinking?” I asked, not able to continue in silence.
“You’re upset. I don’t understand. Did I…? She didn’t finish.
How could she not know? I closed my eyes. “How badly are you hurt,
Bella? The truth- don’t downplay it.” I said a bit angry.
“Hurt?” she said an octave higher as if she was surprised and I raised
my eyebrow.
She started to stretch out and then she had an emotion on her face of
anger.
“Why would you jump to that conclusion? I’ve never been better than I
am now.” She said and I closed my eyes. “Stop that.” I said.
“Stop what?” She said.
“Stop acting like I’m not a monster for having agreed to this.”
“Edward!” she whispered, seeming upset now. “Don’t ever say that.”
I didn’t open my eyes; I didn’t want to see her.
“Look at yourself Bella. Then tell me I’m not a monster.”
I guess she saw her body, because she gasped then asked “Why am I
covered in feathers?”
I exhaled impatiently “I bit a pillow or two. That’s not what I’m talking
about.”
“You… bit a pillow? Why?”
“Look Bella!” I said almost growling and took her hand, I gently
stretched it out. “Look at that.”
Know she must have clearly seen what I was talking about. I knew she
was going to hate me. Her eyes left her arm and went all over her
damaged body.
I pulled my hand and almost not touching her showed her that my iron
hands had done that.
“Oh,” was all she said.
“I’m … so sorry Bella,” I whispered “I knew better than this. I should
not have-” I made a sound from the back of my throat. “I’m more sorry
than I can tell you.
And I threw my arm over my face and became still.
I can’t believe you did this to her. To the love of your existence. Your
Bella. To your WIFE! Stupid, stupid, stupid!!! All because of desire.
Jacob was right I would hurt her. My mind said over and over again.
“Edward.”
I didn’t move.
“Edward?”
“I’m not sorry, Edward. I’m… I can’t even tell you. I’m so happy. That
doesn’t cover it. Don’t be angry. Don’t. I’m really f—”
“Do not say the word fine.” I said. “If you value my sanity, do not say
that you are fine.”
“But I am,” She whispered.
“Bella,” I almost moaned. “Don’t.”
“No. You don’t, Edward.”
I removed my arm; my gold eyes watched her warily.
“Don’t ruin this,” she told me. “I. Am. Happy.”
“I’ve already ruined this,” I whispered.
“Cut it out,” she snapped.
I grind my teeth together.
“Ugh!” She groaned. “Why can’t you just read my mind already? It’s so
inconvenient to be a mental mute!”
My eyes widened a little bit, distracted in spite of myself.
“That’s a new one. You love that I can’t read your mind.”
“Not today.”
I stared at me. “Why?”
She threw her hands up and her palms hit my chest making a smack
sound. “Because all this angst would be completely unnecessary if you
could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. I was
perfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now—well, I’m
sort of pissed, actually.”
“You should be angry at me.”
“Well, I am. Does that make you feel better?”
I sighed. “No. I don’t think anything could make me feel better now.”
“That,” She snapped. “That right there is why I’m angry. You are killing
my buzz, Edward.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
“We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And
then—well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is
really nothing.” She brushed her fingers along her arm. “I think for a
first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little
practice—”
What the hell! She thought of getting hurt and she didn’t tell me. I
thought.
“Assumed? Did you expect this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I
would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider
the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No
broken bones—that equals a victory?”
Calm down Edward.
“I didn’t know what to expect—but I definitely did not expect how…
how… just wonderful and perfect it was.” Her voice dropped to a
whisper, her eyes slipped from my face down to my hands. “I mean, I
don’t know how it was for you, but it was like that for me.”
I pulled her chin back up.
“Is that what you’re worried about?” I said through my teeth. “That I
didn’t enjoy myself?”
Her eyes stayed down. “I know it’s not the same. You’re not human. I
just was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can’t imagine that
life gets any better than that.”
Way to go! Now she thinks that I’m not sexually attracted to her.
“It seems that I have more to apologize for.” I frowned. “I didn’t dream
that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean
that last night wasn’t… well, the best night of my existence. But I don’t
want to think of it that way, not when you were . . .”
Her lips curved up a little at the edges. “Really? The best ever?” She
asked in a small voice.
I took her face between my hands, still introspective. “I spoke to
Carlisle after you and I made our bargain, hoping he could help me. Of
course he warned me that this would be very dangerous for you.” A
shadow crossed his expression. “He had faith in me, though—faith I
didn’t deserve.”
She started to protest, and I put two fingers over her lips before she
could comment.
“I also asked him what I should expect. I didn’t know what it would be
for me… what with my being a vampire.” I smiled halfheartedly.
“Carlisle told me it was a very powerful thing, like nothing else. He told
me physical love was something I should not treat lightly. With our
rarely changing temperaments, strong emotions can alter us in
permanent ways. But he said I did not need to worry about that part—
you had already altered me so completely.” This time my smile was
more genuine.
“I spoke to my brothers, too. They told me it was a very great
pleasure. Second only to drinking human blood. But I’ve tasted your
blood, and there could be no blood more potent than that.… I don’t
think they were wrong, really. Just that it was different for us.
Something more.”
“It was more. It was everything.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were
possible that you really did feel that way.”
“What does that mean? Do you think I’m making this up? Why?”
“To ease my guilt. I can’t ignore the evidence, Bella. Or your history of
trying to let me off the hook when I make mistakes.”
She grabbed my chin and leaned forward so that our faces were inches
apart. “You listen to me, Edward Cullen. I am not pretending anything
for your sake, okay? I didn’t even know there was a reason to make
you feel better until you started being all miserable. I’ve never been so
happy in all my life—I wasn’t this happy when you decided that you
loved me more than you wanted to kill me, or the first morning I woke
up and you were there waiting for me.… Not when I heard your voice
in the ballet studio”—I flinched at the old memory of her close call with
a hunting vampire, but she didn’t pause—“or when you said ‘I do’ and I
realized that, somehow, I get to keep you forever. Those are the
happiest memories I have, and this is better than any of it. So just deal
with it.”
I touched the frown line between her eyebrows. “I’m making you
unhappy now. I don’t want to do that.”
“Then don’t you be unhappy. That’s the only thing that’s wrong here.”
My eyes tightened, and then I took a deep breath and nodded. “You’re
right. The past is past and I can’t do anything to change it. There’s no
sense in letting my mood sour this time for you. I’ll do whatever I can
to make you happy now.”
She examined me and I gave her a smile.
“Whatever makes me happy?”
Her stomach growled at the same time that she asked.
“You’re hungry,” I said quickly.
“So, why exactly did you decide to ruin Esme’s pillows?” She asked,
sitting up and shaking more down from her hair.
I had already put on some loose khaki pants and was standing by the
door, rumpling my hair.
“I don’t know if I decided to do anything last night,” I muttered. “We’re
just lucky it was the pillows and not you.” I inhaled deeply and then
shook my head, to shaking off the dark thought. A very authentic-
looking smile spread across my face or at least I tried.
She got off the bed and I gasped. Her body looked deformed. I turned
away and my hands balled up.
“Do I look that hideous?” She asked, working to keep her tone light.
My breath caught, but I didn’t turn. I was horrified. How the hell did
you agree to this? You knew something would go wrong! I thought.
She left me standing there to go into the bathroom.
Calm down. Breath in, Breath out. 10…, 9…, 8…, 7…, 6…, 5…, 4…,
She groaned. What happened???? Oh I guess she realized how bad I’d
hurt her.
“Bella?” I asked.
“I’ll never get this all out of my hair!” She pointed to her head, where
it looked like a chicken was nesting.
I started picking at the feathers.
“You would be worried about your hair,” I mumbled, but I went to
stand
behind her, pulling out the feathers much more quickly.
“How did you keep from laughing at this? I look ridiculous.”
Ha! You seriously think I would laugh when you were hurt by a
monster? And this is funnier that monster was me. YOUR HUSBAND!
Who swore to protect you? I always break my promises. I should have
let that mutt kill me when he had a chance. I’m sorry love.
“This isn’t going to work,” She sighed after a minute. “It’s all dried in.
I’m going to have to try to wash it out.”
She turned around, wrapping her warm arms around my waist. So
beautiful must have more!! NO! But she’s your wife and you are her
husband. I SAID NO! “Do you want to help me?” YES!!!!! The greedy
monster within me yelled.
“I’d better find some food for you,” I said in a quiet voice, and I gently
unwound her arms. She sighed as I disappeared, moving too fast. I had
to keep her busy so she would ask me if we could make love again.
She wore a white cotton dress that concealed the worst of the violet
blotches, She padded off barefoot to where she probably smelled the
eggs and bacon and cheddar cheese.
I stood in front of the stove sliding her food on a light blue plate that
was on the counter.
“Here,” I said. I turned with a smile on my face and set the plate on a
small tiled table.
I sat down across from her. “I’m not feeding you often enough.” I said.
She swallowed and then said, “I was asleep. This is really good, by the
way. Impressive for someone who doesn’t eat.”
“Food Network,” I said, flashing my favorite crooked smile.
“Where did the eggs come from?”
“I asked the cleaning crew to stock the kitchen. A first, for this place.
I’ll have to ask them to deal with the feathers.… ” I trailed off, his gaze
fixed on a space above my head. She didn’t respond.
She ate everything I made for her. Point for the husband!
“Thank you,” She told me. She leaned across the table to kiss me. I
kissed her back automatically, and then stiffened and leaned away.
She is hurt because of me. I reminded myself.
She gritted her teeth. She didn’t like that I pulled I away. “You aren’t
going to touch me again while we’re here, are you?”She accused me.
I hesitated, then half-smiled and raised his hand to stroke her cheek.
See I can touch you. Not in the way, you would like me to touch you.
My fingers lingered softly on her skin, and She couldn’t help leaning
my face into my palm.
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
I sighed and dropped my hand. “I know. And you’re right.” I paused,
lifting my chin slightly. And then I spoke again with firm conviction. “I
will not make love with you until you’ve been changed. I will never hurt
you again.” FUCK! I guess our honeymoon is over then.