BettyFriedan,TheProblemThatHasNoName,1963.

BettyFriedans1963bookTheFeminineMystique,fromwhichthis
excerptistaken,changedthelivesofmanyAmericanwomenby
bringingtheirrestlessnessandunhappinesstopublicattention.It
iswidelyseenasoneofthemajorcontributorstothe
developmentofsecondwavefeminisminthe1960sand1970s.

Theproblemlayburied,unspoken,formanyyearsintheminds
ofAmericanwomen.Itwasastrangestirring,asenseof
dissatisfaction,ayearningthatwomensufferedinthemiddleofthe
twentiethcenturyintheUnitedStates.Eachsuburbanwifestruggled
withitalone.Asshemadethebeds,shoppedforgroceries,matched
slipcovermaterial,atepeanutbuttersandwicheswithherchildren,
chauffeuredCubScoutsandBrownies,laybesideherhusbandat
nightshewasafraidtoaskevenofherselfthesilentquestionIsthis
all?
Foroverfifteenyearstherewasnowordofthisyearninginthe
millionsofwordswrittenaboutwomen,forwomen,inallthe
columns,booksandarticlesbyexpertstellingwomentheirrolewas
toseekfulfillmentaswivesandmothers.Overandoverwomen
heardinvoicesoftraditionandofFreudiansophisticationthatthey
coulddesirenogreaterdestinythantogloryintheirownfemininity.
Expertstoldthemhowtocatchamanandkeephim,howto
breastfeedchildrenandhandletheirtoilettraining,howtocopewith
siblingrivalryandadolescentrebellion;howtobuyadishwasher,
bakebread,cookgourmetsnails,andbuildaswimmingpoolwith
theirownhands;howtodress,look,andactmorefeminineandmake
marriagemoreexciting;howtokeeptheirhusbandsfromdying
youngandtheirsonsfromgrowingintodelinquents.Theywere
taughttopitytheneurotic,unfeminine,unhappywomenwho
wantedtobepoetsorphysicistsorpresidents.Theylearnedthattruly
femininewomendonotwantcareers,highereducation,political
rightstheindependenceandtheopportunitiesthattheold
fashionedfeministsfoughtfor.
Bytheendofthenineteenfifties,theaveragemarriageageof
womeninAmericadroppedto20,andwasstilldropping,intothe

teens.Fourteenmilliongirlswereengagedby17.Theproportionof
womenattendingcollegeincomparisonwithmendroppedfrom47
percentin1920to35percentin1958.Acenturyearlier,womenhad
foughtforhighereducation;nowgirlswenttocollegetogeta
husband.Bythemidfifties,60percentdroppedoutofcollegeto
marry,orbecausetheywereafraidtoomucheducationwouldbea
marriagebar.Collegesbuiltdormitoriesformarriedstudents,but
thestudentswerealmostalwaysthehusbands.
ThenAmericangirlsbegangettingmarriedinhighschool.And
thewomensmagazines,deploringtheunhappystatisticsaboutthese
youngmarriages,urgedthatcoursesonmarriage,andmarriage
counselors,beinstalledinthehighschools.Girlsstartedgoingsteady
attwelveandthirteen,injuniorhigh.Manufacturersputout
brassiereswithfalsebosomsoffoamrubberforlittlegirlsoften.And
onadvertisementforachildsdress,sizes36x,intheNewYork
Timesinthefallof1960,said:SheTooCanJointheManTrapSet.
Bytheendofthefifties,theUnitedStatesbirthratewasovertaking
Indias.
InaNewYorkhospital,awomanhadanervousbreakdown
whenshefoundshecouldnotbreastfeedherbaby.Inotherhospitals,
womendyingofcancerrefusedadrugwhichresearchhadproved
mightsavetheirlives:itssideeffectsweresaidtobeunfeminine.IfI
haveonlyonelife,letmeliveitasablonde,alargerthanlifesized
pictureofapretty,vacuouswomanproclaimedfromnewspaper,
magazine,anddrugstoreads.AndacrossAmerica,threeoutofevery
tenwomendyedtheirhairblonde.TheyateachalkcalledMetrecal,
insteadoffood,toshrinktothesizeofthethinyoungmodels.
DepartmentstorebuyersreportedthatAmericanwomen,since1939,
hadbecomethreeandfoursizessmaller.Womenareouttofitthe
clothes,insteadofviceversa,onebuyersaid.
Thesuburbanhousewifeshewasthedreamimageoftheyoung
Americanwomenandtheenvy,itwassaid,ofwomenalloverthe
world.TheAmericanhousewifefreedbyscienceandlaborsaving
appliancesfromthedrudgery,thedangersofchildbirthandthe
illnessesofhergrandmother.Shewashealthy,beautiful,educated,
concernedonlyaboutherhusband,herchildren,herhome.Shehad

foundtruefemininefulfillment.Asahousewifeandmother,shewas
respectedasafullandequalpartnertomaninhisworld.Shewasfree
tochooseautomobiles,clothes,appliances,supermarkets;shehad
everythingthatwomeneverdreamedof.
InthefifteenyearsafterWorldWarII,thismystiqueoffeminine
fulfillmentbecamethecherishedandselfperpetuatingcoreof
contemporaryAmericanculture.Foroverfifteenyears,thewords
writtenforwomen,andthewordswomenusedwhentheytalkedto
eachother,whiletheirhusbandssatontheothersideoftheroomand
talkedshoporpoliticsorseptictanks,wereaboutproblemswiththeir
children,orhowtokeeptheirhusbandshappy,orimprovetheir
childrensschool,orcookchickenormakeslipcovers.Nobodyargued
whetherwomenwereinferiororsuperiortomen;theyweresimply
different.Wordslikeemancipationandcareersoundedstrange
andembarrassing;noonehadusedthemforyears.
Ifawomanhadaprobleminthe1950sand1960s,sheknewthat
somethingmustbewrongwithhermarriage,orwithherself.Other
womenweresatisfiedwiththeirlives,shethought.Whatkindofa
womanwassheifshedidnotfeelthismysteriousfulfillmentwaxing
thekitchenfloor?Shewassoashamedtoadmitherdissatisfaction
thatsheneverknewhowmanyotherwomensharedit.Ifshetriedto
tellherhusband,hedidntunderstandwhatshewastalkingabout.
Shedidnotreallyunderstanditherself.
ForoverfifteenyearswomeninAmericafoundithardertotalk
abouttheproblemthanaboutsex.Eventhepsychoanalystshadno
nameforit.Whenawomanwenttoapsychiatristforhelp,asmany
womendid,shewouldsay,Imsoashamed,orImustbe
hopelesslyneurotic.Idontknowwhatswrongwithwomen
today,asuburbanpsychiatristsaiduneasily.Ionlyknow
somethingiswrongbecausemostofmypatientshappentobe
women.Andtheirproblemisntsexual.Mostwomenwiththis
problemdidnotgotoseeapsychoanalyst,however.Theresnothing
wrongreally,theykepttellingthemselves,Thereisntany
problem.
ButonanAprilmorningin1959,Iheardamotheroffour,having
coffeewithfourothermothersinasuburbandevelopmentfifteen

milesfromNewYork,sayinatoneofquietdesperation,the
problem.Andtheothersknew,withoutwords,thatshewasnot
talkingaboutaproblemwithherhusband,orherchildren,orher
home.Suddenlytheyrealizedtheyallsharedthesameproblem,the
problemthathasnoname.Theybegan,hesitantly,totalkaboutit.
Later,aftertheyhadpickeduptheirchildrenatnurseryschooland
takenthemhometonap,twoofthewomencried,insheerrelief,just
toknowtheywerenotalone.
Justwhatwasthisproblemthathasnoname?Whatwerethe
wordswomenusedwhentheytriedtoexpressit?Sometimesa
womanwouldsayIfeelemptysomehow...incomplete.Orshe
wouldsay,IfeelasifIdontexist.Sometimessheblottedoutthe
feelingwithatranquilizer.Sometimesshethoughttheproblemwas
withherhusbandorherchildren,orthatwhatshereallyneededwas
toredecorateherhouse,ormovetoabetterneighborhood,orhavean
affair,oranotherbaby.Sometimes,shewenttoadoctorwith
symptomsshecouldhardlydescribe:Atiredfeeling...Igetso
angrywiththechildrenitscaresme...Ifeellikecryingwithoutany
reason.AClevelanddoctorcalleditthehousewifessyndrome.
Itiseasytoseetheconcretedetailsthattrapthesuburban
housewife,thecontinualdemandsonhertime.Butthechainsthat
bindherinhertraparechainsinherownmindandspirit.Theyare
chainsmadeupofmistakenideasandmisinterpretedfacts,of
incompletetruthsandunrealchoices.Theyarenoteasilyseenandnot
easilyshakenoff.
Howcananywomanseethewholetruthwithintheboundsof
herownlife?Howcanshebelievethatvoiceinsideherself,whenit
deniestheconventional,acceptedtruthsbywhichshehasbeen
living?AndyetthewomenIhavetalkedto,whoarefinallylistening
tothatinnervoice,seeminsomeincrediblewaytobegroping
throughtoatruththathasdefiedtheexperts.
IbegantoseeinastrangenewlighttheAmericanreturntoearly
marriageandthelargefamiliesthatarecausingthepopulation
explosion;therecentmovementtonaturalchildbirthand
breastfeeding;suburbanconformity,andthenewneuroses,character
pathologiesandsexualproblemsbeingreportedbythedoctors.I

begantoseenewdimensionstooldproblemsthathavelongbeen
takenforgrantedamongwomen:menstrualdifficulties,sexual
frigidity,promiscuity,pregnancyfears,childbirthdepression,the
highincidenceofemotionalbreakdownandsuicideamongwomenin
theirtwentiesandthirties,themenopausecrises,thesocalled
passivityandimmaturityofAmericanmen,thediscrepancybetween
womenstestedintellectualabilitiesinchildhoodandtheiradult
achievement,thechangingincidenceofadultsexualorgasmin
Americanwomen,andpersistentproblemsinpsychotherapyandin
womenseducation.
IfIamright,theproblemthathasnonamestirringintheminds
ofsomanyAmericanwomentodayisnotamatteroflossof
femininityortoomucheducation,orthedemandsofdomesticity.Itis
farmoreimportantthananyonerecognizes.Itisthekeytotheseother
newandoldproblemswhichhavebeentorturingwomenandtheir
husbandsandchildren,andpuzzlingtheirdoctorsandeducatorsfor
years.Itmaywellbethekeytoourfutureasanationandaculture.
Wecannolongerignorethatvoicewithinwomenthatsays:Iwant
somethingmorethanmyhusbandandmychildrenandmyhome.

GloriaSteinem,AfterBlackPower,WomensLiberation,1969.

GloriaSteinembecameaspokeswomanforAmericanfeminismin
thelate1960sand1970s.ThisarticleinNewYorkmagazine
connectedWomensLiberationtoBlackPowerandtothe
experiencesofyoungwomenintheMovement(ablanketterm
fortheNewLeft,counterculture,antiwar,andcivilrights
movements)ingeneral.

Onceuponatimesay,tenorevenfiveyearsagoaLiberated
Womanwassomebodywhohadsexbeforemarriageandajob
afterward.Onceuponthesametime,aLiberatedZonewasany
foreignplaceluckyenoughtohaveanAmericanarmyinit.Both
ideasseemantiquatednow,andforprettymuchthesamereason:
LiberationisntexposuretotheAmericanvaluesofMomandapple
pieanymore(notevenifMomisallowedtoworkinanofficeand
voteonceinawhile);itstheescapefromthem.
Whatdowomenwant?[TheWomensLiberationMovement]is
innowayconnectedtotheBloomingdalecentered,asknotwhatI
candoformyselfaskwhatmyhusbandcandoformeladiesof
Manhattan,whoaresaidbysociologiststobeliberated.Nordothe
houseboundmatriarchsofQueensandtheBronxgetmuch
satisfactionoutofreadingaboutfeministescapades.Onthecontrary,
thewholethingalienatesthembybeinga)radicalandb)young.
Thewomenbehindit,andinfluencedbyit,usuallyturnouttobe
white,serious,welleducatedgirls;thesamesortwhohavelabored
hardinwhatislooselyknownastheMovement,fromtheSouthern
sitinsofnineyearsagotothecurrentattacksonthemilitary
industrialeducationalcomplex.Theyhavebeenjailed,beatenand
macedsidebysidewiththeirsocialactivistmalecounterparts.(Its
wonderfultoseehowquicklypolicefromSelmatoChicagogetovera
reluctancetohitwomen.)TheyhavemarchedonSenatecommittees,
Pentagonhawks,theirowncollegepresidentsandtheChase
ManhattanBank.ButoncebackinthebosomofSDS,theyfound
themselvestypingandmakingcoffee.Whenitcomestodecision
makingorbeingtakenseriouslyinmeetings,saidonerevolutionary

theoristfromBerkeley,wemightaswelljointheYoung
Republicans.
SuchgrumblingnoiseswerebeingmadealoudatMovement
meetingsasearlyasfiveyearsago.butwomenwereridiculedor
argueddownbymen(aswellassomeUncleTomwomen).
Eventually,theywereassured,thewomanquestionwouldcome
uponthelistofradicalprioritiesasdecidedonbyradicalmen.
Meanwhile,morebackstagework,moremimeographing,more
secondaryroleplayingaroundtherevolutionarycellsandapartment
communes.
Finally,womenbegantorap(talk,analyze,inradicalese)
abouttheiressentialsecondclassness,formingwomenscaucuses
insidetheMovementinmuchthesamewayBlackPowergroupshad
done.Andoncetogethertheymadealotofdiscoveries:thatthey
sharedmoreproblemswithwomenofdifferentclasses,forinstance,
thantheydidwithmenoftheirown;thattheylikedandrespected
eachother(ifwomendontwanttoworkwithwomen,asNegroes
usedtorejectotherNegroes,itsusuallybecausetheybelievethe
mythoftheirowninferiority),andthat,asblackmilitantskept
explainingtowhiteliberals,Youdontgetradicalizedfightingother
peoplesbattles.
AttheSDSConventionin1967,womenwerestillsayingsuch
integrationistthingsas,thestrugglefortheliberationofwomen
mustbepartofthelargerfightforfreedom.ManyMovement
womenstillare.ButmembersofgroupsliketheSouthernStudent
OrganizingCommitteeandNewYorkRadicalWomenwithdrew
tostartconcentratingontheirownproblems.Theycouldntbecome
blackorriskjailbyburningtheirdraftcards,buttheycouldchange
societyfromthebottomupbyradicalizing(engagingwithbasic
truth)theconsciousnessofwomen;bygoingintothestreetsonsuch
womensissuesasabortion,freechildcarecenters,andafinalbreak
withthe19thcenturydefinitionoffemalesassexobjectswhosemain
functionistoservicemenandtheirchildren.
Allthishappenednotsomuchbyorganizationascontagion.
Whathascometobeknowninthelasttwoyearsorsoasthe
WomensLiberationMovement(WLM)isnomorepindownable

thantheBlackPowerMovement;maybelessso...WLMminded
groupsarespringingupondozensofcampuseswheretheyadd
specialstudentconcernstotheiractivities:professorswhoassume
womenarentseriousaboutcareers;adviserswhopressuregirls
towardmarriageortraditionallyfemininejobs,andfacultiesor
administrationswherefewornowomenarehonoredinauthority.
Ifallthissoundsfarout,utopian,elitist,unnecessaryor
otherwiseunlikelytobethenextbigthinginrevolutions,consider
twofacts:1)theWLMisgrowingsorapidlythatevenitsmost
cheerfulproselytizersaresurprised,spreadingnotonlyalongthe
infrastructureoftheexistingcoedMovement,butintoapolitical
territorywhereantiVietnampetitionshaverarelybeenseen;and2)
thereareacoupleofmassmovements,fromhighlyorganized
throughjustrestless,thattheWLMmightmergewith,becomingsort
ofarevolutionaryvanguard.
Theolder,middleclasswomencomefirst,theoneswhotried
hardtoplaysubordinaterolesinthesuburbsaccordingtothepost
warbabyboomwomensmagazineidyllbutfoundSomething
Missing.BettyFriedan,whoexplainedtheirplightclearlyand
compassionatelyinTheFeminineMystique,namedthatSomething:
rewardingwork.Butwhenthesewomenwentouttofindjobs,they
foundalotofhometruthsinstead.
Forinstance,thereishardlyahierarchyinthecountrybusiness,
union,government,educational,religious,whateverthatdoesnt
discriminateagainstwomenabovethesecretariallevel.Womenwith
somecollegeeducationearnlessthanmenwhogetasfarasthe
eighthgrade.Themedianincomeofwhitewomenemployedfulltime
islessthanthatofwhitemenandNegromen.Thegapbetween
womenspayandmenspaygetsgreatereveryyear,eventhoughthe
numberofwomeninthelaborforceincreases(theyarenowathirdof
allworkers).Thesubtler,psychologicalpunishmentsforstepping
outofwomanstraditionalserviceroleareconsiderable.(Being
calledunfeminine,abadmotheroracastratingwoman,to
nameatraditionalfew.)And,totopitalloff,theproblemofservants
orchildcareoftenprovesinsurmountableafterothersaresolved.

Themiddleclass,educatedanddisillusionedgroupgetslarger
witheachcollegegraduation.NationalOrganizationforWomen
(NOW)foundedin1966byBettyFriedan,amongothers,tobring
womenintofullparticipationinthemainstreamofAmerican
societynow,exercisingalltheprivilegesandresponsibilitiesthereofin
trulyequalpartnershipwithmenisaveryeffectivevoiceofthis
group,concentratingonsuchreformsasgettingirrelevantsex
designationsoutofHelpWantedadsandimplementingEqual
EmploymentOpportunitylaws.
IftheWLMcanfeelsolidaritywiththehatedmiddleclass,and
viceversa,thenanalliancewiththesecondmassmovementpoor
womenofallcolorsshouldbenoproblem.Theyarealready
organizedaroundwelfareproblems,freedaycarecenters,formothers
whomustwork,andfoodprices.Forthem,equalpay,unequal
trainingandsexdiscriminationforjobs(nottomentionthewoman
punishingrulesofwelfare)exactadailyprice:Ofallthefamilies
livingbelowthepovertylevel,40percentareheadedbywomen.
Alotofmiddleclassandradicalintellectualwomenarealready
workingwiththepooroncommonproblems,butviewingthemas
social.IftheconsciousnessraisingprogramsoftheWLMwork,
theyllseethemasrallyingpointsforwomenquawomen.Andthat
mightforgethefinalrevolutionarylink.Rumblingsarealreadybeing
heardinsidetheDemocraticPartyinNewYork.Itsthewomenwho
staffandwinelections,andtheymayfinallybalkatworkingforonly
mennotveryqualifiedmenatthatinthemayoralprimary.
Thereisplentyofoppositiontothiskindofthinking,from
womenaswellasmen.Havingonestraditionalrolequestionedisnot
averycomfortableexperience;perhapsespeciallyforwomen,who
havebeenabletoremainchildren,andtobenefitfromworktheydid
notandcouldnotdo.Marriagewouldntgostraightdownthedrain,
astraditionalistskeeppredicting.Womensliberationmightjust
hurryupsomesortofcompanionatemarriagethatseemstobe
developinganyway.
Butthereisboundtobeatimeof,associalanthropologistLionel
Tigerputsit,increasedpersonalacrimony,eveniftherevolution
failsandwomengorightbacktodarningsocks.(Masculinitydoesnt

dependonthesubservienceofothers,butitwilltakeusawhileto
findthatout.)Itmightbehelpfultomenandgoodforwomens
liberationiftheyjustkeeprepeatingkeyphraseslike,Nomore
guilt,Nomorealimony,Fewerboringwomen,Fewerbitchywomen,
Nomoretyrantswithallhumanambitionconfinedtothehome,No
moreJewishmotherstransferringambitiontochildren,Nomore
womentryingtobemasculinebecauseitsaMansWorld...(and
maybeonemoreroundofNomorealimony)untiltheacrimony
hasstopped.
Becausetheideais,inthelongrun,thatwomensliberationwill
bemensliberation,too.