Teaching Your Students Good Writing

Handout Packet
Graduate Teaching Center, Yale University, Advanced Teaching Series

Handouts for TFs

Make Your Students Better Writers
Teaching With Writing in Class
Grading Tips: Time Management and Organization
Addressing Plagiarism With Your Students
The Yale College Writing Center
Writing Quandaries: What Would You Do?

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Handouts for Students

Components of a Successful Essay
Thesis Statements: What, Why, and How?
Quoting and Citing
Make Your Writing Clearer
Eliminate the Passive Voice From Your Writing
Sample Grading Rubric and Feedback
Writing Tips and Editing Key

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2022

These handouts were composed by staff and fellows of the Yale Graduate Teaching Center
(especially Sam Schaffer and Alison Greene), the Yale College Writing Center, and other
sources as noted. They may be copied and distributed to college students without express
permission. Please contact the Yale Graduate Teaching Center for permission to reproduce
these materials for other instructional purposes. Handouts gathered and revised 2011 by
Jay Summach.

 Make Your Students Better Writers

1. Outline the assignment and writing process clearly and do it early!

Communicate with your professor: Make sure that you understand the assignment clearly,
and that you, the professor, and your fellow TFs are on the same page.
Communicate with your students: Devote section time to outlining the assignment with your
students. Give clear details about length, format, use of references, etc. Provide a rubric so
that students understand the criteria that you will use to evaluate their work, and make sure
that the rubric is consistent with the expectations for the paper.
Make Gradual Progress: Determine ahead of time what skills your students need to develop
and schedule mini-lessons throughout the term that address those needs. Encourage
students to get an early start on long-term projects and monitor their progress by dividing
projects into smaller tasks. These tasks might include a thesis statement, a one-page
proposal or outline, a list of references, and post-draft revisions. Intermediate tasks can be
graded on a simple qualitative scale (e.g. check, check plus, or check minus).

2. Walk students through appropriate sources.

Teach students to select sources: Meet one-on-one with students or offer a mini-workshop
to direct them toward sources appropriate to their interests.
Teach students to analyze sources: Prepare students to analyze primary and secondary
sources in section. Provide sample sources similar to those students will examine in their
essays and walk through an analysis with them. This may take the form of large-group
discussion or small group activities.

3. Teach your students to write clear thesis statements.

Model: Provide students with samples of a good thesis statements. Or plan a thesis-writing
activity in which students work together to draft a thesis based on section material.
Practice: Shortly after they choose their paper topic, students should draft a preliminary
thesis statement. Make sure students understand that these preliminary thesis statements
are likely to change as students engage their materials more closely. Some students find it
useful to talk through the strengths and weaknesses of their thesis statement with a partner.
Next steps: Show students how to support their thesis statements with evidence.
Recommend or require that students submit an outline. If necessary, walk students through
a sample outline in section.

4. Give appropriate assistance and feedback.

Provide writing lessons: Anticipate and address common writing problems through optional
workshops, mini-lessons in section, handouts, and/or one-on-one meetings.
Provide feedback: Make grading a learning experience. Be clear with students about what
they have done well and in what areas their writing needs work. In your written feedback,
consider dividing your comments between strengths/weaknesses in their handling of course
content versus strengths/weaknesses in their prose. Keep track of the feedback given, so
that you can recognize improvement when grading future work.

Teaching With Writing in Class

excerpt from the Yale Writing Center website (Jan 2011)
http://writing.yalecollege.yale.edu/teaching-writing-class

Almost any attention you pay to writing during class time will do double-duty: it will help students understand
the material more deeply, and it will help them write about it more effectively. Each of the following
suggestions can be tweaked to emphasize its effect on writing or learning in your course, and any one of
them can be done in under five minutes.

The one-minute paper

At the end of a class session, ask students to take one minute and write on a separate sheet of paper:
1) the main point theyre taking from the days lecture; and 2) one question they have or issue they dont
quite understand. These give the instructor direct access to what students think about the material, and can
guide the opening of the next days lecture or discussion. For the students, the one-minute paper prompts
them to start synthesizing the lesson and to identify elements for review.

Writing to prompt or focus discussion

As a pre-discussion activity, or at a point where the class seems stuck or confused, have students take two
minutes to take notes on what theyre thinking about: you will double the number of hands raised to offer a
question or comment. The invitation can be as open as the questions for the One-Minute Paper, or can
focus on a specific issue youre trying to explore. If you want even more students to join the discussion,
follow this writing with two minutes for students to discuss their ideas with someone sitting near them.

Writing guides
Provide your students with a writing guide before they start writing. In it, list four or five qualities that
distinguish good writing for your discipline/course.
Examples: http://writing.yalecollege.yale.edu/writing-guides

Writing about the assignment

Hand out the assignment for an upcoming paper during class time and have students write 1) what they
understand; and 2) questions. Give them time to ask questions in class. In the ensuing discussion, tell
students about some successful and unsuccessful approaches from previous semesters.

Highlighting writing and thinking skills

During lecture or discussion, most professors model some of the skills needed to write good papers: framing
questions, analyzing data, considering alternate views, etc. These moments of modeling can be made more
effective if you call attention to them, especially if you echo the language of your Writing Guide. E.g. Note
that Ive borrowed one of Rubins terms, but redefined it. This is the kind of pushing back against sources I
want you to practice in your papers.

Using sample student papers

Just handing out a good example from a previous semester will help some students produce better papers.
You can enhance the effect by taking one minute to explain what you like about the sample.
Examples: http://writing.yalecollege.yale.edu/model-papers-disciplines

Selecting excerpts to highlight techniques

Discuss one or more brief paper excerpts that illustrate a technique you want students to employ. Also,
identify moments in the main course readings where authors demonstrate good techniques.

Discussing a set of papers

When you return a set of papers, take a few minutes to talk about the general strengths and weaknesses of
the batch. This discussion can help students better understand the feedback on their own papers.

 Grading Tips: Time Management and Organization

source: Sam Schaffer and Alison Greene, Jay Summach (Jan 2011)

Focused commentary saves time and packs a punch

Avoid the trap of annotating every grammatical error and stylistic weakness. Be selective!
Focused commentary makes more efficient use of your time and provides students with
manageable steps toward improvement. Scan a paper for areas of weaknesses and/or recurring
errors. Select three or four of those problems (no more than that) to address. On your second pass
through the paper, annotate instances of only those problems.

Develop time-saving techniques

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Grade exams by question or section (i.e., grade all ID #1s, then all ID #2s, etc.)
Work in chunks of time so that you can get into a rhythm and be consistent.
Develop a grading shorthand and hand out a translation to your students (see pp. 19-21).
Cut-and-paste frequently used comments and explanations.
Develop a spreadsheet or grading chart that allows you to compile exam grades more
easily.

Normalize your grading

1. Use a rubric know what you are looking for, what you will count off for, and how much
you will count off (see pp. 15-18).
2. Swap papers with other TFs or your instructor to maintain consistency.
3. Use piles to recheck your grading (i.e., an A pile, a B pile, etc.) or rank your papers.
4. Consider grading blind (student name appears only on a cover sheet).

Hand back assignments at the end of section

A student with a graded paper in his/her hands is unable to concentrate on anything else.
Therefore, it is advisable not to distribute grading until the end of the section, even if you intend to
use section to discuss the papers. Instead, select excerpts from several papers (unidentified) that
share features you want to discuss. This keeps students focused and engaged. Also, refrain from
discussing individual grades immediately after class. A 24-hour rule allows time for emotions to
cool, and encourages students to digest your annotations and commentary before consulting you.

Keep a record of your comments

In your spreadsheet or grade book, keep a record of the comments you hand back on student
writing. If you review these comments before grading a new assignment, you will be better
prepared to notice improvements (or lack thereof) in a students work and your feedback can be
more focused.

Collaborate with other TFs and the course instructor

Decide upon time limits for grading, develop rubrics, and discuss point values with other TFs.
Coordination and communication improves consistency across sections and helps keep grade
inflation in check.

 Addressing Plagiarism With Your Students

excerpt from the Yale Writing Center website (Jan 2011)
http://writing.yalecollege.yale.edu/addressing-issue-plagiarism-your-students
Handling sources well is part of each writers intellectual development, development that occurs
over the space of several years. Its vital that you address responsible source use within the
context of your course in a particular discipline because expectations for using sources differ
across disciplines.

Include a plagiarism warning in your syllabus

An effective warning will warn the student of penalties for cheating, as well as encourage her to
take an active role in the academic conversation. Give a concise, clear definition of plagiarism,
and provide links to an expanded definition with examples. Try to match the tone of the rest of
the syllabus. When a warning is overly punitive in tone, it may counteract other signals you send
that your course is a chance for students to grow as thinkers.
Example of a plagiarism warning (prepared by Alfred E. Guy, Jr.):
The strength of the university depends on academic and personal integrity. In this course, you
must be honest and truthful. Plagiarism is the use of someone else's work, words, or ideas as if
they were your own. Here are three reasons not to do it:
1. By far the deepest consequence to plagiarizing is the detriment to your intellectual and
moral development: you wont learn anything, and your ethics will be corrupted.
2. Giving credit where its due but adding your own reflection will get you higher grades
than putting your name on someone elses work. In an academic context, it counts more
to show your ideas in conversation than to try to present them as sui generis.
3. Finally, Yale punishes academic dishonesty severely. The most common penalty is
suspension from the university, but students caught plagiarizing are also subject to
lowered or failing grades as well as the possibility of expulsion. Please be sure to review
Yale s Academic Integrity Policy.
Writing at Yale defines plagiarism, gives examples, and offers strategies for using sources
well and responsibly. See: http://writing.yalecollege.yale.edu/using-sources

Provide expanded definitions and examples of plagiarism

Provide expanded definitions and examples of plagiarism for students to refer to and study as
part of the work of the course. For a general overview, have students read the Writing at Yale
guide (http://writing.yalecollege.yale.edu/using-sources.) You may also want to find or create
explanations of any particular concerns about scholarly integrity that arise in your discipline. For
the sciences: Writing at Yale explains how to quote prose sources, but does not address
problems with quantitative data. For a good discussion of computer programming and
plagiarism, see the Academic Integrity site at Princeton.
http://www.princeton.edu/pr/pub/integrity/08/intro/index.htm
Students also struggle with the concept of collaborative work. They often do not understand the
rules and expectations regarding work produced by joint authors. We urge you to find or create
materials that help students understand how collaboration should proceed. As a way to begin
this process, look at the treatment of collaboration on the Academic Integrity site at Princeton.
http://www.princeton.edu/pr/pub/integrity/08/intro/index.htm

Develop exercises that deepen students understanding of citing sources

Develop exercises for students that deepen their understanding of correct and incorrect uses of
sources, usually in concert with a writing project. The following are just some examples of
possible exercises.
1. Develop an example of plagiarized writing based in the course reading and discuss what is
wrong with the use of sources. Rewrite the passage in small groups or as a class.
2. Show three examples of plagiarized writing, each of which moves closer to a legitimate use of
sources. Then provide a strong, legitimate example of source use.
3. Have a class discussion about cases of source use that seem to fall in a grey area (for
example, borrowing the plan of ideas of an original without attribution, or using an idea from
Source A that the writer found in Source B, but not acknowledging Source B). If students feel
comfortable in this setting, they will often provide examples that stump the class. You can
provide a solution and the rationale behind it, or you may assign a student to research the
question and report back to the class.
4. As a writing experiment, ask students to plagiarize a passage from the course readings on
purpose and then discuss the specific ways in which this work is out of bounds.
5. As a way to make students more conscious of their use of sources, ask them to provide hard
copies of the sources they use in a paper (if from a published book, ask for the page the
quotation or paraphrase comes from; if from an on-line source, ask them to print out the source
and highlight the relevant passages).

What to do if you suspect plagiarism

http://yalecollege.yale.edu/content/academic-dishonesty

TFs should discuss cases of suspected plagiarism with the course instructor. The instructor will
often interview the student or students who appear to be guilty of academic dishonesty to make
absolutely certain that an allegation of academic dishonesty is warranted.
Any form of academic dishonesty, whether it be cheating on a test or an examination,
plagiarism, improper collaborating on assignments, or the submission of the same essay to two
instructors without the explicit consent of both, should be reported to the secretary of the Yale
College Executive Committee either directly or through the student's residential college dean.
The administrative assistant to the Executive Committee may be reached at the Yale College
Dean's Office, 110 SSS (4322914).
More information on dealing with plagiarism and the Executive Committee is available at:
http://yalecollege.yale.edu/content/cheating-plagiarism-and-documentation.

 The Yale College Writing Center

http://writing.yalecollege.yale.edu

Location
The Yale Writing Center is located at 35 Broadway (access through the back of the building,
and take the elevator up to the second floor). The center offers drop-in help for writers,
workshops, and other online resources for faculty, TFs, and students.

WR courses
Students in WR courses receive additional feedback on their writing, are taught effective
strategies for developing and sustaining ideas, and learn the habits and techniques of
experienced writers. Beginning with the class of 2009, all Yale students must complete two WR
courses by end of the sixth term, with one of these completed by the end of the fourth term.
TFs for WR courses attend a series of training workshops offered by the Writing Center.

Bass writing tutors (aka residential college writing tutors)

Bass Writing Tutors work in the residential colleges, and are Yale Colleges most experienced
tutors. Many of them are professional writers, most of them have taught writing courses at Yale
or other colleges, and all of them have worked with Yale students for many years. Appointments
are made online at http://www.yalewco.com/index.php.

Writing partners
Writing Partners are Yale College or graduate school students selected for both their writing
skills and their ability to talk about writing. They are available at the Writing Center on a drop-in
basis, five nights a week.

Graduate writing center

Services for graduate students are provided by the Graduate Writing Center.
http://www.yale.edu/graduateschool/writing/

 Writing Quandaries: What Would You Do?

1. You receive an email from Larissa the day before a book review assignment (or problem set)
is due. I have been very busy starting a new tutoring program for disadvantaged high school
students, she explains, and this afternoon I had to stay late with a student whose mom forgot
to pick him up. Can I get an extension on the book review? The course syllabus states that
late assignments will be docked a half-letter grade for every day that they are late.
2. You are grading final projects for a large lecture course. Each of the students in your
sections emails their final papers to you. As you grade one of them, you notice that the fonts
change in odd ways throughout the paper. When you take a closer look, you see that the
student clearly copied several paragraphs from a website and paper them into the paper without
even changing the font.
3. At the end of section, you hand back graded mid-term papers. When you get home an hour
later, you already have an email from James, a soccer player who received a C-. I am very
disappointed in my grade on this assignment, he explains, and I would like the chance to
rewrite the paper. While he does not mention his hectic athletic schedule in the email, you
know that the soccer team played in a tournament in Colorado the weekend before the paper
was due.
4. At the end of section, you hand back graded research papers. The next day, you receive an
email from Fred, who received a C+ on his paper. The email is one sentence long. We need
to talk about my paper. An hour later, you receive an email from the professor explaining that
he received an email from Fred complaining that your comments were unfair and requesting
that the professor review the grade.
5. You and another grad student are the only TFs in your course. During your weekly meeting,
she tells you that the mean score in her section on the first response paper was a 9 out of 10;
your mean score was a 7 out of 10. She also tells you that off the record, her students have
referred to you as an unfair grader.
6. You are the only TF for a small seminar, and the final project for the course is a review paper.
Students are allowed to pick a topic that they find interesting for the paper. All students are
required to hand in mid-term paper proposals outlining the topic and are told that they must
have the topic approved before writing the final paper. On the day papers are due, you get an
email from one of the students in the class. She explains that she found another topic that
would be more interesting for this assignment, so she wrote her paper on that. This topic was
not approved by you or the professor beforehand. She writes, Since I am letting you know
now, I assume this will not be a problem.
7. You are grading final papers. All students were told that they must include references from
peer-reviewed journal articles and avoid citing information from websites and the popular media.
Although he wrote an interesting paper, one of the students did not include any journal articles
in his reference list.

 Components of a Successful Essay

source: Alfred E. Guy Jr., adapted from Elements of the Academic Essay, by Gordon Harvey

1. Thesis: an essay's main proposition. A thesis should not be confused with a topic, which
represents only the subject area of an essay. A good thesis must be arguable; there must be
intelligent ways to disagree with it. Arguability distinguishes a good thesis from a fact (clearly
demonstrable in the text) or an observation (an interpretation so obvious that no intelligent
reader would challenge it). Although writers often wish to delay announcement of the thesis,
good academic writing generally states the thesis explicitly on the first page, then returns to a
more nuanced and complex form of it later in the text.
2. Problem or Question: the intellectual context in which your thesis matters. In academic
essays, the problem usually arises from a current misunderstanding of an important issue. The
author of an essay promises to clarify something that would otherwise remain obscured or
mistaken. Establishing the problem or question is the primary role of an essays first few
paragraphs. If it doesn't promise to illuminate, deepen, or solve a problem, an essay risks
irrelevance.
3. Evidence: the material a writer works with in exploring a thesis. Evidence that has been
overlooked or previously undiscovered may serve to prove a thesis. Frequently, however,
academic writers re-examine evidence that others have looked at before, in which case the
evidence is more likely to suggest or persuade readers that the writer's approach is a fruitful
one. Since a good thesis must be arguable, academic writers are especially obligated to
consider counter-evidence, to grapple directly with facts, patterns, or passages that resist or
complicate the essay's main argument. Writers must orient readers to the source of the
evidence, which must be cited.
4. Analysis & Reflection: the work a writer does to turn evidence into argument, to show the
reader how the evidence supports, develops, or extends the essay's thesis. Since a thesis must
be arguable, no evidence in a good academic argument can speak for itself-all of it must be
processed by the writer. Typical moves of analysis are to highlight significant details of the
evidence and to name patterns that might otherwise be undetected. When working with written
evidence, its good to observe the rule of two: the writer should supply at least two words of
analysis for every word of a citation, and usually more.
Analysis generally refers directly to the evidence (Describing his actions with such
words as growled and stalked suggests an underlying animal savagery), while reflection
builds upon analysis to support larger claims (This imagery seems to contradict the narrator's
stated assessment that Paul is a gentle soul) . Other moves that indicate reflection are
consideration of a counter-argument, definitions or refinements of terms and assumptions, and
qualifications of previous claims. Reflection is important throughout an essay, but should be
especially rich and full in between sections of the argument and in the essay's conclusion.
5. Structure: how the sections of an essay are organized and stitched together. College essays
are frequently organized either by repetition (where each paragraph develops evidence of the
same proposition: X is clearly present) or by chronology (where evidence appears in the essay
in the same order that it appears in the text): both of these patterns are inadequate. Sections of
a good argument proceed in a logical way, but also develop the implications of a thesis more
deeply as the essay progresses. The reader should understand how each new section extends
the argument thats come before and prepares for the argument that's still to come. Reflective
sentences at moments of transition often guide this review/preview, and complex essays
frequently include 1-2 sentences of this type in their introductions.

 Thesis Statements: What, Why, and How?

The objective of a thesis is to stake out an argument, and the objective of the paper is to make
your side of the argument convincing. A good test for an arguable thesis is to try to argue
against it. If you can make a plausible case against your thesis, your thesis is an argument.

Topic: Discuss the significance of one of the main characters in The Simpsons.
Attempted Thesis 1: Marge Simpson is important to the plot of The Simpsons.
This statement is vague and obvious. Its readily apparent to anyone who has watched The
Simpsons that each character adds a vital element of chemistry to the show, so no one would
argue with this statement of fact.
Attempted Thesis 2: Marge Simpson is important to The Simpsons because she fulfills a
significant family role as a mother and housewife.
This statement is more precise than No.1 in that it tells how Marge is important to the Simpson
family, but it merely restates a basic premise of the show what Marges role is and therefore
is not an argument. Additionally, it adds little or no information that the informed reader of your
paper did not know from just watching a few episodes.
Attempted Thesis 3: Marge Simpson is important to The Simpsons because she fulfills a
significant family role as a teacher and caregiver to her husband and children.
This statement is again more precise in that it qualifies how Marge fulfills her role as mother: it
says that she provides care and instruction to other family members. But it still does not go
beyond the realm of fact.
Attempted Thesis 4: While Marge Simpson may be a model caregiver for her family, she
is a different sort of model for her audience.
This statement introduces a new idea that begins to treat The Simpsons as a text. And it is the
first statement that is arguable to some extent. This position is controversial; that is, you can
make a case against it. Notice that the words important and significant have been dropped.
Such words are hard to define specifically and make for flimsy arguments because they are not
precise. Nonetheless, the statement is once again a bit vague: exactly what sort of model is
Marge? How does she model for her audience?
Attempted Thesis 5 (best): Despite her role as a seemingly submissive housewife and
mother, Marge Simpson functions for the audience of The Simpsons as a subversive
feminist force against middle class values.
This argument is better than No. 4 because it is more precise about how Marge affects her
audience and what that effect is. Indeed, you may not agree with the statement, which is a good
sign for its argumentative nature (some people, for instance, see the show as demeaning to
women). Terms like middle class values and feminist will need to be defined precisely in the
introduction or shortly after the thesis is stated. Additionally, this statement will require you to
provide specific interpretations of The Simpsons to prove your case.

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 Quoting and Citing

(revised Jan 2011)
A piece of academic writing is seldom self-contained with respect to its ideas and proof. Quoting and
citing sources strengthens your writing by explicitly situating your argument within an ongoing
conversation and body of evidence.

Quoting vs. Citing

Quote a source (word for word) only when the particular idea or phrasing is essential to your point.
Otherwise, paraphrase and cite. Avoid disembodied quotations the speaker of a quotation should be
identified in the body of your writing. The same applies if you are paraphrasing.

Disembodied quotation (bad):

Although the analyst ought to present the strongest possible case for his or her interpretation, the
goal is not to have the final word to solve the text, so to speak. The proper goal of analysis is
1
to explicate the ambiguities not to suppress them or filter them out.
Clear quotation (better):
Although the analyst ought to present the strongest possible case for his or her interpretation, the
goal is not to have the final word to solve the text, so to speak. In Elements of Sonata Theory,
Hepokoski and Darcy state that the proper goal of analysis is to explicate the ambiguities not
1
to suppress them or filter them out.
Paraphrase and Citation (in this situation, best):
Although the analyst ought to present the strongest possible case for his or her interpretation, the
goal is not to have the final word to solve the text, so to speak. In Elements of Sonata Theory,
for example, Hepokoski and Darcy closely examine moments of ambiguity while leaving
1
interpretive choices intact.

Using Block Quotations:

Any quotation that takes up more than three lines of text should be offset as a block quotation. Introduce
a block quotation with a colon, indent 0.5 on each side, single-space, and forego quotation marks. Long
quotations take up space better used to express your own ideas. As a rule of thumb, use only one block
quotation for each five pages of writing. Break up long quotations when possible.
Block Quotation (formatted correctly):
Elijah Wald draws a distinction between black music on record and in performance:
The history of blues as popular music is not the same as its history as black
cultural expression the evolution preserved on recordings is not
representative of the musics evolution in live performance. Live, the music first
1
emerged as a black, Southern style.
Quotation paraphrased and broken up into the body of the paragraph (in this case,
better):
Elijah Wald draws a distinction between the history of blues as popular music and the blues as
1
black cultural expression. Specifically, he shows that blues recordings evolved separately from
the live performance tradition centered in the South.

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When to Cite
Use footnotes to cite the primary and secondary sources of information you use in your writing.
Obviously, you must cite a source for every quotation. But a citation is also necessary whenever you
reference someone elses ideas or state specific facts that are not common knowledge, even if you do not
name the source in the body of your writing.

How to Cite
There are several systems for documenting sources. The Chicago system is standard across most of the
humanities, while a parenthetical author-date system is typical among the sciences. Brief overviews of
the systems appear below. For information on how to cite other source types, consult the style manual
appropriate to the course/discipline for which you are writing.

Chicago System
see: Chicago Manual of Style Online, ch. 14 (Yale access on campus, or through proxy server)
http://www.chicagomanualofstyle.org/16/contents.html
Footnotes are located at the bottom of each page in a 10-point font. The first time you cite a source,
include all of its publication information. Thereafter, use an abbreviated citation which includes the
authors last name, an abbreviated form of the title, and the relevant page numbers. In many disciplines,
a list of all sources is also collected in a bibliography.
Book:
Full citation in a note:
1. Newton N. Minow and Craig L. LaMay, Inside the Presidential Debates: Their
Improbable Past and Promising Future (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2008), 2425.
Shortened citation:
8. Minow and LaMay, Presidential Debates, 138.
Entry in a bibliography:
Minow, Newton N., and Craig L. LaMay. Inside the Presidential Debates: Their Improbable
Past and Promising Future. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2008.
Journal article:
Full citation in a note:
1. Cecilia Menjivar, Liminal Legality: Salvadoran and Guatemalan Immigrants Lives in
the United States, American Journal of Sociology 111, no. 4: 1002.
Shortened citation:
8. Menjivar, Liminal Legality, 1002.
Entry in a bibliography:
Menjivar, Cecilia. Liminal Legality: Salvadoran and Guatemalan Immigrants Lives in the
United States. American Journal of Sociology 111, no. 4 (2006): 9991037.
Article in an edited book:
Full citation in a note:
1. Mary Higdon Beech, The Domestic Realm in the Lives of Hindu Women in Calcutta,
in Separate Worlds: Studies of Purdah in South Asia, ed. Hanna Papanek and Gail Minault
(Delhi: Chanakya, 1982), 115.
Entry in a bibliography
Beech, Mary Higdon. The Domestic Realm in the Lives of Hindu Women in Calcutta. In
Separate Worlds: Studies of Purdah in South Asia, ed. Hanna Papanek and Gail
Minault, 11038. Delhi: Chanakya, 1982.

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Author/Date Systems (e.g. APA)

see: www.apastyle.org or an online resource such as http://www.library.cornell.edu/resrch/citmanage/apa
or http://library.mcmaster.ca/guides/apa-style-guide
A variety of parenthetical citation systems exist, among which the APA style is especially common. When
you quote or paraphrase someone elses work, direct the readers attention to the source entry in the
reference list by means of an in-text citation. If you are quoting directly, include the page number in the
citation.
Author(s) not named in the text
The first essential feature of the pattern is short-short-long proportionality (BaileyShea, 2009).
Author(s) named in the text
As McCreaddie and Payne point out, There can be humor without laughter, in the same way
that laughter may occur without humor (2010, p. 782).
or
As McCreaddie and Payne (2010) point out, There can be humor without laughter, in the
same way that laughter may occur without humor (p. 782).
All sources cited in the text must be included in the reference list. Double space the list and use a
hanging indent on the second line of each reference. Alphabetize the list by the authors last name (or
subsequent co-authors names, if you have several references by the same author), and order by year of
publication (earliest references listed first).
Book:
Author, A. A., & Author, B. B. (2008). Title of the book. Location: Publisher.
Journal Article:
Author, C. C. (2010). Title of the article. Journal Title, 101(2), 1828.
Article in an edited book:
Author, D. D., & Author, E. (1992). Title of the article or chapter. In F. F. Author (Ed.), Book
Title (pp. 85101). Location: Publisher.

13

 Make Your Writing Clearer

source: Alison Greene, adapted from Strunk and White, The Elements of Style

Why should academic writing be clear?

Many very smart people believe that they sound even smarter when they write long sentences that
contain many long words. They are wrong. Unless you are William Faulkner (and you arenthes
dead), you should never write a sentence that could in itself be a paragraph or a short story. Long, wordy
sentences are more often a result of muddled thinking than of unstoppable brilliance. Writing shorter
sentences will force you to think through and communicate your ideas more clearly. A good sentence
expresses one idea and rarely includes more than one or two dependent clauses.

How can I make my writing clearer?

1. Eliminate unnecessary words. Phrases like there are, in order to, the fact that, the reason
why is that, there is no doubt that, say in many words what could be said in fewer. Try taking
out words that do not add to the meaning of your sentence. For example:
There is no doubt about the fact that Timothy McVeigh drove a truck full of explosives under the
Murrah Building in order to demonstrate his anger over the Waco debacle. (padded with extra
words)
Timothy McVeigh drove a truck full of explosives under the Murrah Building to demonstrate his
anger over the Waco debacle. (lean and clear)
2. Count the lines/count the commas/count the semicolons: Good, clear sentences are rarely more
than two to three lines in length. If you have a sentence that extends beyond three lines or
contains more than two commas (except in a list), try to shorten the sentence.
The French sought to eliminate the FLN by bombing the Casbah in Algiers, and then tortured
members of the FLN because they wanted to maintain power in Algeria, even though many
Algerians had begun to demand their independence. (run-on sentence)
Even though many Algerians had begun to demand their independence, the French wanted to
maintain power in Algeria. In an effort to eliminate the FLN, the French bombed the Casbah in
Algiers and tortured FLN members. (clarity improved by reordering into shorter sentences)
3. READ YOUR WRITING OUT LOUD! Read to a friend, read to your dog, or read to yourself. If
you have to take a deep breath in the middle of a sentence, you need to shorten the sentence. If
you have to start over to understand what you were talking about in a given sentence, you need
to shorten the sentence.

Practice
Reword or divide the following sentences to make them clearer.
The new terrorism is a term that predates the events of September 11, 2001, and Bruce Hoffman
defines it as a transnational phenomenon that transcends nation-state politics, although there is no doubt
that there were forms of transnational terrorism even before the twentieth century, such as the example of
the anarchist movement.

On December 25, 1984, anti-abortion activists bombed the Ladies Clinic in Pensacola, Florida, which
was the second time over the course of six months that anti-abortionists had bombed the clinic as a way
of expressing their anger over what they described as the murder of unborn children, although most antiabortion activists did not participate in terrorist activities but funneled their activism through protests and
the court system.

14

Eliminate the Passive Voice From Your Writing

sources: unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/passivevoice.html, Strunk and White, The Elements of
Style, revised Jan 2011

What is the passive voice?

The passive voice occurs when the object of an action becomes the subject of a sentence, as in:
Chris read the book.
(active voice: Chris is the subject)

The book was read by Chris.

(passive voice: the book is now the subject)

Whats wrong with writing in the passive voice?

It is neither grammatically incorrect nor inappropriate in every case to use the passive voice. Lawyers use
it, for example, to avoid placing blame (The defendants car was demolished.) But in academic writing, it
is important to attribute actions to their actors. The statement, Sullivans findings are viewed with
skepticism, for example, leaves out vital information: who is skeptical? The statement, Researchers at
Yale are skeptical of Sullivans findings attributes the skepticism to actors the Yale researchers and
opens the door for you to explain why they are skeptical.

How do I eliminate the passive voice?

Find an actor or actors and begin the sentence there. Then describe the action and its object.
Passive
The song was heard as a call to action
A sharp decline in prices is anticipated.
The plant growth was disrupted.

Active (better)

Migrant workers heard the song as a call to action.

Trade analysts anticipate a sharp decline in prices.
High sodium levels disrupted the plant growth.

Use the passive voice intermittently to add variety to your writing; however, overuse makes your writing
dull and saps it of vital information.

Practice
Change the following sentences from passive voice to active voice.
Emmitt Till was lynched in 1955.

It is believed that the FBI intentionally murdered Black Panther Fred Hampton.

The Antiterrorism and Effective Death Penalty Act was passed in 1996.

15

 Sample Grading Rubric and Feedback

Paper Evaluation Criteria

Thesis

Organization

Analysis and Use of

Evidence

The ideal paper presents a thesis that is:

clear (the reader can follow the logic).
accurate (it reflects the rest of the paper).
original (it is a unique, debatable point that goes beyond the obvious
argument or question).
significant (its implications matter for theoretical and empirical
understanding of the topic).

The ideal paper presents an argument that is organized, coherent, and logical.
Each section logically follows from the previous one.
Each section relates to the larger question or argument.
Transitions and topic sentences are used to guide the reader and to
highlight the conceptual development of the argument.

The ideal paper:

clearly defines key concepts and terms.
uses sufficient and appropriate evidence (evidence that allows for close
analysis and interpretation).
analyzes the evidence, clearly relating each element to the point of the
paper (the analysis is sharply focused in relation to the thesis, breaking
apart the key concepts/arguments at stake and explaining the
significance to the reader).
considers possible criticisms and weaknesses of the thesis/argument
presented in the paper.

Introduction

The introduction:
engages the readers interest, establishes that the question/issue
addressed is significant, and that a controversy exists (there is
disagreement over how the question/issue should be approached,
resolved, etc).
provides the basic information needed for understanding the position
being argued.
contains a clear thesis statement that previews the papers focus and
approach.

Conclusion

The conclusion:
ends the paper gracefully, flowing logically from the rest of the paper.
accords with the introduction and reflects the authors analysis of the
thesis or question.

Style, Grammar &

Mechanics

In the ideal paper:

the author maintains a lively and professional tone.
sentences are clear, concise, and free from grammatical errors.
the prose is smooth and engaging, with precise attention to word choice.
references are accurately cited using a consistent format.

16

Overall Grading Standards

A

The paper is outstanding in all, or nearly all, of the respects listed on

the previous page.

A-/B+

The paper nearly achieves the ideal but falls short in a minor area,
requiring one or two small changes rather than broad revisions. It may
require some revision in the efficacy, specificity, or clarity of either the
introduction or the conclusion; there may be a paragraph that is
inconsistent with the logic and structure of the rest of the paper; or
one section of the argument is less well developed than the others.
Prose is clear and polished. A- papers have fewer of these minor
problems than B+ papers.

The essay exhibits many features of the ideal paper. However, it

needs revising in a single key area, such as focus, organization,
using evidence, or analysis. Support for a key assertion may be
lacking and/or analysis is superficial. There may be a flaw in logic at
one point in an otherwise coherent, persuasive argument. The paper
may be choppy, needing smoother transitions or better organization.
Or there are minor grammatical errors sprinkled throughout the text.

B-

The paper has the promise of an original and well-argued thesis, but
still requires revising in more than one of the key areas. Ideas are
clear, but organization and connections among ideas may still require
work. Sentences are clear, but some sentence patterns and
structures require attention and revision.

C+ / C

The paper needs substantial revision in terms of a key area such as

focus, organization, using evidence, or analysis. Perhaps the thesis
or question is obvious or unoriginal, or the focus is so broad that the
paper merely skims the surface without exploring anything in depth.
Or, the ideas are unclear, lacking in specificity, coherent organization,
or interrelatedness. Or, in a paper that would otherwise rate a B- or B,
the prose is frequently awkward, imprecise, or ungrammatical.

The paper has serious and consistent problems in formulating a

sense of purpose, pursuing a logical pattern of organization, using
evidence, or maintaining a respectable prose style.

The essay does not fulfill the basic requirements of the assignment.

17

Grading Standards Broken Down By Criterion

Remember the golden rule: your paper should fall within the parameters of the assignment.

Thesis/Ideas

D-F

Original, forceful, direct

and interesting. Clearly
and deftly stated. Strong
key words.

Promising but
somewhat vague.
Perhaps obvious, overly
general or too broad.
Weaker key words.

Poorly reasoned,
illogical, pointless,
simplistic. Fatally broad
or obvious. Poorly
constructed sentence.

No thesis, patently
erroneous thesis.
Unrelated to the
assignment.
Undecipherable.

D-F

Strong, extensive, and

elegantly integrated into
the argument. A variety
of sources (more than
two). Cited
appropriately.

Adequate to support
argument, yet poorly
integrated and
superficially interpreted.
Some off-topic
evidence. Some
sloppiness in citations.

Few, often off-topic,

chosen randomly,
poorly explained, often
summarized. Extensive
use of block quotes.
Attempts to cite but with
egregious errors.

Few to no sources.
Sources not relevant.
Sources misinterpreted.
Sources not cited.

D-F

Logical. Paragraphs
have topic sentences
that support the thesis.
Graceful, progressive,
with elegant transitions.
Conclusion moves
beyond summary.

Coherent if repetitive,
sometimes unbalanced.
Weak transitions.
Perhaps disjointed, yet
still comprehensible.
Conclusion essentially
summary.

Unexplained leaps or
gaps in argument.
Disorganized.
Monotonous.
Repetitious. Tangents.
Lack of or very weak
transitions. Difficulty in
summarizing or
concluding.

No structure. Clearly
rushed. Random
connections. No
transitions. No
organization.

D-F

Economy and
eloquence in phrasing.
A sense of rhythm.
Variation of sentence
structure. Subtle diction.
Negligible errors in
spelling or grammar.

Generally correct
language. Some clich,
some lack of precision,
some lack of eloquence.
A few grammar or
spelling errors. Perhaps
monotonous or slightly
verbose.

Errors in grammar, poor

word choice, badly
proofread. Little variety
in sentence structure.
Verbose. Monotonous.

Egregiously sloppy.
Numerous spelling and
grammar errors. Not
proofread. Rambling.

Evidence

Structure

Style/Mechanics

Late policy: Paper grades will be reduced by 1/3 (A to A-; A- to B+ etc.) for each 24-hour deadline
missed. Your first deadline is Thursday, February 21, 10:30 AM with a drop-off at the entrance to lecture.
If you miss this deadline, please contact your TF immediately to arrange a drop-off location for your paper.
A Deans Excuse will allow you to reset this clock.

18

Sample Comments for Paper Assignment: History of Terrorism in

America
1. Paper #1: Point-Style Comments by Rubric Criterion
Thesis: 23/25 points
This paper argues that the Wilmington riot represented a carefully planned attempt at social revolution.
This is a clear and specific thesis statement. You defend the general idea well in the paper, and you
wrap up your argument cogently at the end. You never explain what you mean by social revolution,
however. Because that term is key to your thesis, the paper should explicitly define it and defend its use.
Evidence: 24/25 points
Youve done a great job in this paper of tying your analysis of the Blake narrative with a larger argument
about events in Wilmington. You combine a solid critique of the primary source with references from
secondary readings to provide context and supporting arguments.
Structure: 23/25 points
This paper is generally well-structured and follows a logical narrative. In places, your argument is a bit
repetitive, and you dont fully explain an event the first time you mention it (like Alexander Manlys
editorial and your analysis of the nature of the riot/insurrection). A tighter organizational would help the
narrative and argument flow more smoothly.
Style/Language: 23/25 points
Overall, this is a well-written paper, despite some minor repetitions and lapses into passive voice. You
exceeded the page limit, but single-spacing your footnotes and block quotations would have probably
fixed that.
Total Grade: 93/100 points: A- Late paper penalty (-1/2 letter grade): 89 B+

2. Paper #2: Prose-Style Comments

This paper opens with a clear, concise introduction that lays out your argument that Soviet
counterinsurgency strategies in Afghanistan during the 1980s failed because of U.S. intervention and a
lack of local support. Although this is a strong, manageable thesis, much of your evidence and argument
focuses on the ways in which Soviet failure stemmed as much from internal matters like lack of
preparation and forethought as from outside factors like local support and U.S. intervention. Simply
adding this argument to your opening paragraph would have helped integrate your evidence and thesis
more clearly.
In general, this paper is well-written and readable. You employ clear, concise sentences in your
narrative, and your paragraphs flow well. Use of numerous disembodied quotations, however, detracts
from the papers flow. Any time you insert a quotation into your paper, make sure it is clear in the text of
the paper, not just in the footnote, who is speaking (See my notes on your paper, pages 1-4. I stopped
marking disembodied quotations halfway through). A similar rule applies when you mention events or
individuals that would be unfamiliar an educated but uninformed reader. Any time you introduce an event
like the Afghan War, be sure to give a brief description of what it is and why its relevant to your argument.
Finally, I wouldve liked to see you interrogate your sources a bit more closely. You used a nice
mix of American and translated Soviet sources, but didnt address the difference in perspective between
the two. Overall, however, this is a clear, well-argued, and well-written paper that integrates primary and
secondary sources very nicely.
Grade: B+

19

Writing Tips and Editing Key

Sam Schaffer

Passive Voice (PV)

The passive voice leaves out crucial information about who did what. Watch out for the passive voice,
often lurking in conjunction with the verb to be.
Passive: The cane was harvested.
Active: The field workers hacked down the cane.
Passive: The decision to add beef fat to the cookies was made last week.
Active: Last week, the pastry chef decided to add fat to the cookies
[To be] + noun; adjective; gerund (i.e. ing words as nouns]; preposition = often OK
[To be] + verb = usually NOT OK

Verb Tense (VT)

Avoid using the present tense for historical action [ex. Stalin is paranoid]. When discussing the past, use
the past tense. However, with writers/artists, verb tenses can get tricky:
When referring to Benedict Anderson as a textual actor (a voice in his still-living text) --> use
the present tense (Anderson argues that imagined communities are important)
When referring to Benedict Anderson as a historical actor (a person in history) --> use the past
tense (Anderson was a professor at Cornell in 1980.)
When discussing the historical effect of a text, the reception or interpretation at the time --> use
the past tense (Andersons work was not popular upon its publication).
When discussing a text as a text per so (tone, structure) or your own interpretation --> use the
present tense (Andersons text is an incomprehensible rant)
Again, the best rule of thumb is when discussing the past, use the past tense.

Linking Verbs (LV)

Although linking verbs are often useful and sometimes necessary, try not to use them too frequently.

Redundancy (RED)
Avoid using the same word/expression multiple times in the same paragraph.
Avoid using redundant synonyms: Schaffers writing and prose is terrible.

Run-on Sentences (RO) or Incomplete Sentences (INC)

Sometimes long sentences are useful and necessary, but be careful of run-ons (two independent clauses
not distinguished within the same sentence). Tip: Vary your sentence structure (after a few long
sentences, try using a short, simple sentence for emphasis and force).
Remember, there are three ways to split up a run-on: a period, a comma and conjunction, a semi-colon:
Incorrect: The Cult of Washington emerged in the late eighteenth century, people were excited.
Correct: The Cult of Washington emerged in the late eighteenth century. People were excited.
Correct: The Cult of Washington emerged in the late eighteenth century, and people were excited.
Correct: The Cult of Washington emerged in the late eighteenth century; people were excited.
Note that however is NOT a conjunction:
Incorrect: George Washington cut down the tree, however he refused to tell a lie about it.
Correct: George Washington cut down the tree. However, he refused to tell a lie about it.
Correct: George Washington cut down the tree; however, he refused to tell a lie about it.
Dont ever write an incomplete sentence! Have a subject and a verb.

20

Use of First or Second Person (1st P, 2nd P)

Use first or second person only sparingly. For example, in academic writing its generally not a good idea
to write I believe or I think... The reader knows that its you who thinks these thoughts. Also, dont
overuse second-person commands, like Consider the idea or Note the difference between Finally,
dont use one to talk about people in general, like One can see

Misplaced Modifiers (MM)

Misplaced modifiers are the bane of any writers existence. Make sure that your descriptive phrases
(especially participial phrases and prepositional phrases) are placed next to the noun they modify:
Incorrect: As commander-in-chief, people saw George Washington as a great leader.
Correct: As commander-in-chief, George Washington earned a reputation as a great leader.
Incorrect: Running through the forest, the wind cooled the sweaty Davy Crockett.
Correct: The wind cooled the sweaty Davy Crockett as he ran through the forest.

Parallel Structure ( || )
Parallel structure is a nice way to spice up your writing. However, make sure to keep your structure
consistent (by maintaining the words/phrases with which you begin your clauses, or by maintaining the
grammatical sequence with which you begin your clauses, or both).
Incorrect: As general, George Washington fought the British; he defeated the Republicans when
he was president; as symbol, he united a nation.
Correct: As general, George Washington fought the British; as president, he defeated the
Republicans; as symbol, he united a nation. [As + noun xs 3]
Incorrect: George Washington rallied the colonists spirits, defeating the British, and maintained
his republican values, in order to become a national icon.
Correct: By rallying the colonists spirits, defeating the British, and maintaining his republican
values, George Washington became a national icon. [By + participle + something xs 3]

Colloquial (Coll)
In academic writing, you should avoid the use of contractions and slang or trendy words.
Incorrect: The fall of the Berlin Wall wasnt just a shock to audiences, it was epic.

Expletives
Avoid using expletives both the grammatical structure (there + form of to be) and the swear words.
Indirect: There were many people that admired George Washington.
Direct: Many people admired George Washington.

Hyphens in Adjectives
If a noun phrase (adjective-noun) is used as an adjective, you need to add a hyphen. This problem often
arises with centuries:
phrase used as a noun, no hyphen
Newspapers from the nineteenth century praised George Washington
phrase used as an adjective, hyphen required
Nineteenth-century newspapers praised George Washington.

Listing
There are two accepted methods of listing:
Snap, Crackle and Pop [OK: No comma before and]
Snap, Crackle, and Pop [Better: Comma before and]
Strunk, White, and I prefer the second method.

21

This as a Noun
Where possible, avoid using this as a noundoing so is generally imprecise and weak. Use it as an
adjective or rephrase.
Weak: George Washington surprised the British by crossing the Delaware in mid-winter. This
made him a hero
Strong: George Washington surprised the British by crossing the Delaware in mid-winter. His
daring strategy made him a hero.
[This strategy made him a hero could also work, although its a bit weaker.]

Numbers
The general rule is that the following are spelled out:
whole numbers from one through one hundred
round numbers (hundreds, thousands, hundred thousands, millions)
any number beginning a sentence
For other numbers, numerals are used. Some examples:
Thirty-two children from eleven families were packed into three vans.
The building is three hundred years old.
The three new parking lots will provide space for 540 more cars.
However, where many numbers occur within a sentence or paragraph, maintain consistency in the
immediate context:
A mixture of buildingsone of 103 stories, five of more than 50, and a dozen of only 3 or 4has
been suggested for the area.

Page Numbers
Use page numbers on any paper over two pages. Bottom right is generally good practice.

Quotations
Quote someone only when paraphrasing could not possibly do justice to their idea or their phraseology.
Otherwise, paraphrase and cite. Dont leave quotations hanging on their own. Be sure to introduce the
quotation and the author (using first and last name).
Incorrect: More important than the speed with which they spread is the very generic quality of
the commentary around these celebrations.
Correct: As historian David Waldstreicher notes, More important than the speed with which they
spread is the very generic quality of the commentary around these celebrations.

Other Shorthand:
= paragraph
= no, not, none
ital = italicize [remember that newspaper titles, plays, movies, books get italicized chapter and
article titles get quotation marks]
WC = word choice [use a more appropriate word]
AWK = awkward construction or phraseology

22