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brainwaves are so slow in those first years of life, the beta, delta
brainwaves for a couple of years and theta brainwavesit's like we're in
a deep, hypnotic trance. And then alpha brainwaves through grammar
school until we hit pubertyit's like we're in a mild hypnotic trance. You
know, if you hypnotize somebody to get rid of the desire for cigarettes,
you want to plant a suggestion. So you get them to the slower
brainwaves so you can plant the suggestion that tobacco smoke will
taste horrible to them or something. We've got the same thing as little
children. All this stuff was programmed in. And according to the whole
theory, once that's locked in, it's pretty difficult to change. You're pretty
much doomed to keep repeating the past and the present. And most of
our therapy systems have not really dealt with that quite adequately.
They've assumed that talking about it would make the changes, and
sometimes it does to a certain degree. But it does not deal with our
release, for the most part, of those early infantile traumas or those
childhood traumas or even intrauterine traumas. In the first year of life,
where we have more new experiences than any other year in our lives,
and at that level, those experiences are programmed into our
personalities. Then they get locked into belief systems about ourselves
and then we play them out in our relationships.
So what happens in that early bonding or lack of it, the traumas or the
lack of it, the nurturance or the lack of it, the dependability and
consistency or the lack of it. The judgements, or the criticisms, or the
models of the parents interacting lovingly and productively, or the
models of them acting or fighting physically or verbally, or being critical
or protecting. All of that gets taken in very early and determines a lot of
what happens in our relationships.
For example, most of us have had the experience of sitting in a
restaurant with a mate or a good friend even, and we're having a
perfectly good conversation and then somebody says something that is
very innocuous and the other person just loses it and goes off the wall.
Most of us have had that kind of experience, either in our cells or in the
other person. That means that something got activated from these very,
very early years. Normally we've hoped that talking about it would
change it but often it doesn't. Now we know that we have to go back and
actually delete that encoded information much like deleting information
on a computer. But we have to delete that information from the
hypothalamus and the limbic system of the brain so we don't keep
repeating that and reacting to the little buttons that get pushed here and
there, which bring enormous responses.
So in the quantum worldview, nothing is really locked in and nothing is
And those are the very slowest ones. It's like just barely above being
asleep. And then by the third year, we'll go into theta brainwaves, which
is a little bit faster and a little bit more active. And we can begin to
assimilate more from the outside world. And then we get into grammar
school, it shifts into alpha brainwaves, which would be equivalent to a
light hypnotic trance. And then only when we hit puberty do our
brainwaves change into beta brainwaves. So this helps us understand
why those earlier years are so important because we are just taking in
whatever is there.
Now that is good news and bad news. The good news is that is how we
learn to walk, to talk, the way we learn to do a whole variety of things.
We downloaded that. We don't have to think about that. It's like if you're
driving a car, most of the time that's unconscious and you don't think
about it and that's good. But if you were a 16 year old driving a car for
the first time and somebody pulls out in front of you, you have to think it
through so much that there's no automatic response that will save their
necks. They will likely have an accident.
So that's the positive side. We incorporate a lot of things that are
positive. But the bad news is that we also incorporate all those negative
things that are happening around us. In addition to that, we know in our
child development, it's not just nature and nurture that forms our
personality. There's a third component that is equally important and
that's how each of us as a child interprets everything in our environment
what our parents say and do or don't do. Our interpretation plays a
critical role too, and that interpretation helps us form a belief system.
That's why it's so important that we have a way to get back to those
traumas, those painful experiences, those negative downloads, we might
even say. We can use consciousness and work with subtle energies with
intentionality to clear that out. And we can clear out those negative
programmings and those beliefs that get repeated and replayed and
confirmed over and over again. That's the value of our understanding
thisit takes us out of this old deterministic view where we're locked into
the past.
TS: And an infanta one year old let's saydon't they have access to
beta brainwave states, alpha brainwave states?
HG: Not nearly as much. It's bare minimum. Well, you know, a lot of their
time is spent sleeping anyway. And as they get a little bit older, they
sleep less. So that's a part of what keeps them there. But no, it's more
predominant that there are those slower brainwaves. That's the key part.
TS: Okay, very good. Thank you. I think I understand this point. Moving
on, the idea of neuroplasticity is something that has come into the
happy relationship," or "I believe that I'm not worthy," or "I believe that I'll
always be rejected," "I believe that nobody will love me," or "I'm not
lovable," or something like that. If that belief stays in place, it's going to
work like software in our computer. It will only keep printing out exactly
what's in that software. It will just keep replaying itself, and further, for
some strange reasonI think it's because of what I call the "ego mind"
that likes to repeat the past and keep the pain alive. But it will cause us
to even seek out confirmation of that old belief system. So we're going to
get confirmation of it come hell or high water! We're going to find some
way to prove that "my belief is right, that it's the truth."
So we'll pick people in our lives to be in relationship who will confirm the
belief that "I'm not lovable," or "I'll be rejected," or "I'll be abandoned," or
"I'll be abused" or something like that. Then if that doesn't work, we'll act
in such a way and send out the energy in our energy field to that person
to get them to behave in such a way that will confirm it. And if that
doesn't work, we have a third back-up means that we can always use
and we human beings are masters of itwe'll see it as happening even
if it's not. We'll project that onto the other person.
Studies show now that's one thing we human beings are just doing all
the time. We're projecting our meaning and interpretation onto
everything and everyone. In fact, even so much of what we see is only
because we have the neuropathways and receptors to even see that.
There might be whole universes existing around us within the same field
that don't exist. We just don't have the receptors to make it an image in
our sensory system.
If we think of all that, then we realize that what we need to do is to break
into that system. I like the model of thinking of the brainbecause that
was a model for the computer anywayso we look at the computer and
we can see a little bit about the way the brain works though it's far more
complex. I mean, your brain or my brain processes more information
than the largest mainframe on earth. But if we think of it the same way,
like our computer, it doesn't take time to delete an old program. It just
means that we have to consciously type in a few commands. We press
the "delete" button and it's gone! So if we can recognize that all of these
things in our brain are just encodings of information, too. But they aren't
locked into something that's fixed. They are locked into this changing
energy system, the energy-consciousness field that we're a part of.
We're locked into that.
So if we're sendingdoing the equivalent of a wireless web search,
instructing our minds to go to the place where that information is
encoded and doing one of this procedures, touching or tapping on this
TS: We don't.
HG: We know it's just encoding your information. And somehow we have
a way to instruct that information to be stricken from it and to not be
there and affect our computers anymore. If our computer is overloaded
with too many programs and old programs and distorted programs, it
gums up our computer. I think the same thing happens for us in our
personalities and in our bodies. If we can delete this old programming
that is no longer effective, that is no longer necessarymaybe it never
was really necessary but it's just part of the pollution, we might say, that
we took in emotionally and physically. If we can instruct our minds...
In a sense, it's like doing the equivalent of a wireless web search. We
instruct our computer or iPad or whatever it is to go to some place where
there's information and before you know it, it appears right there on our
screen. We can put it on the screen or we can keep it or we can delete
it. And this worldview, in the quantum worldview and this digital world
view, there's a whole realm of possibility that we've not seen before.
TS: Can you tell me, Henry, how this has worked in your own life?
HG: Oh there is so many ways, my goodness! Where would I even
start? I've seen it work in my life with physical symptoms. I've seen it
work in my life with old beliefs that I've carried.
TS: Give me one example that I might think is dramatic.
HG: One example is when I was a child, about eight years of age, we
lived in a house in Florida where they had cattle gaps. People these
days wouldn't know what they are but it's a pit that has railroad ties over
it that you can drive your car over it but it keeps cattle from coming along
and getting into your yard. They won't walk across that because there's
space in between. And there was an opening our cattle gap in the
middle where, as kids it was fun to crawl down in there and a place to
hide. Well, one of my cousins was visiting who was six years older, so
he was considerably bigger than me. And we were playing hide and
seek and I was down there in that pit. He comes up over me, finds me
but then he won't let me out of that pit. He starts throwing sand and
gravel in on my head. And I'm just really petrified and I can't get out. He
won't let me out. I'm screaming and crying. Finally the adults hear and
call him off. After that time, I was quite claustrophobic. Every time I
would get into a tight space, I would really have to work to not be
panicked. When I came to New York and I would get into the subway
and it would be very crowded and the train would get stuck for a while in
between stops, I would have to close my eyes and breathe deeply and
picture myself on a mountain top or something in order not to panic. Or
in college, if I would get into a car andyou know how a bunch of kids
will all pile into a back seat and people are on top of each other? If I was
back there, I would have to scream and get them to let me out of the car
because I would go into panic.
I did one of these processes on myself after I learned them and it took
me about four to five minutes to do it. I've not experienced that kind of
panic ever since. Crowded seats in airplanes, crowded subways, boxed
in someplace else, it just does not occur. It just does not push that old
button of the old trauma.
TS: And tell me exactly in this four-to-five minutes, what the process was
that you went through.
HG: Well, what I went through was placing my fingers on my forehead to
focus, because you know through the centuries, people have often done
this. Even Rodin recognized that in his portrayal in his sculpture, The
Thinker. We've learned that we stimulate the frontal lobes of the brain
through subtle energies and it helps us focus. So I have people focus
there with some deep breaths.
I focused on my trauma, memories of that scene, how I felt, where I felt
that in my body. And then I brought my fingers to the eyebrows and I
said, "I release all fear related to this trauma" and I took a deep breath.
And then I brought my fingers to the outside edge of the eye and said, "I
release all anger, resentment and rage related to this trauma," and I took
a deep breath or two or three. Then under the eye, I said, "I release all
anxiety related to this trauma" and I took a deep breath or two to reflect
on it. And I did the same thing under my nose. All these are acupressure
points. I said, "I release all embarrassment related to this trauma" and
the deep breath again. Under the bottom lip, "and I release all shame
and guilt related to this trauma" and a deep breath. And with my fingers
under the arm, "and I release all worry and excessive concern related to
this trauma" and then deep breathing again. And then fingers of both
hands to the bottom of the rib cage in the front, "and I release all hurt
and sadness related to this trauma" and a deep breath. And then I bring
my hand up over the heart and take six, eight or ten slow deep breaths
breathing in love and exhaling fear.
And then just touching the collarbone on one side or the other and take
a couple of deep breaths. This is collarbone where it has to do with fear
again. And I would assess afterwards what came up, how much
disturbance remained for me on a scale of zero to ten where it had been
a ten when I started and after doing one round, it came down to I think to
about a six. I repeated it again and it came down to about a three. And I
repeated it a third time and it came down to a zero. And so with that
afterward, it was just gone.
Another way something I've had has happened quickly. Once, some
years ago when my younger son was about eight, nine years of age, we
lived in a place that had a stream that ran through the property here in
Connecticut. I wanted to built a little Japanese-type bridge over that
stream. And I thought it would be a fun thing to do with him. He was big
enough to hammer nails and we could have a fun project together.
We were building that little bridge and it came time to put the flooring in
and it had the posts up on the side and then it was time to put the upper
railing in. And I soaked the two-by-fours for the railing so they would
bend without braking and I was trying to put in strong, deep screws in
there to hold the railing down so they would lock into that bent position
like you have in Japanese bridges. I looked down, and my screw wasn't
going in with a power drill and I saw that the threads were stripped, so I
started to... I thought, "Well okay, I'll just pluck that one out and put a
new one in." Not knowing how hot that screw was, I picked it out with my
hands and it seared my finger and thumb like a piece of chicken in the
frying pan. I could hear it. I could see the smoke. I could see the
discoloration of my skin, like the chicken in a frying pan. Of course, I felt
the pain. I could see it and my son saw it.
The weirdest thing happened. I say weird because it is unusual. It's why
physicists use the word weird forfor something that is out of the
ordinary. Normally if I would have a burn like that I would run to the
house to get First Aid measures. Some ice or something. A little voice in
my head just quickly said, "No, it'll be all right." I totally believed it for
some reason, more than I ever have before or since. And I totally
believed it and went right back to work. I looked back at my fingers after
about 15 or 20 minutes, and they were totally healed. I witnessed it and
my son witnessed it.
I thought, "The universe is trying to teach me that there's that total belief
in this quantum world, or in this spiritual world. Then it affects what we
call matter, but it can change so quickly because it's only an instruction
to something that is intended to exist. It's just in my worldview, I've not
been able to believe that so fully the rest of the time in my life. Hopefully
I can come to believe it more and more. And I have in certain ways
about certain things. But I'm still locked into the world or the culture
around me, for the most part. But I'm seeing glimpses of this other world.
TS: Henry, it's good you're testing me here. It's good! You're stretching
me!
HG: Really?
TS: Yeah! You are. Meaning there's a ...
HG: You're stretching me too! With these things, I'm stretching me.
and do this muscle testing on everybody very quickly and to see if you
believe you deserve to have a totally healthy and happy life or if it's safe
for you to have a totally healthy and happy life." I thought that maybe
25-30 percent would have some of those.
The results blew my mind, literally. Everybody agreed to participate in it.
And in this workshop there were probably 75 people who were there and
I quickly went around and did this. Eighty-two percent of the people had
both of those barriers as beliefs. They don't deserve it and it's not safe to
have a totally healthy and happy life. The other 18 percent had one or
the other. And these are only two of many barriers we could have.
I thought, "Well, let's check this out further. Is it just New Englanders?" I
was doing a seminar in New York a few weeks later and got the same
results. Raleigh, North Carolina? Same results. Chicagosame results.
San Francisco, Austin, Texas, all across the country, I got the same
results. Almost identical. There was just a point or two off. And these
were only two, as I say, of many different barriers that could be beliefs or
traumas or world views or secondary gains or whatever it might be. Most
of those are not conscious to us. And all of these people in all of these
audiences were mostly people who had done a lot of work in different
kinds of self reflectionspiritually or psychologicallyand still were not
conscious of it.
We can't blame ourselves for it because that's what the ego mind always
wants us to do: to blame ourselves for making ourselves sick or
whatever. No, we can't blame ourselves. We've just had those
downloads. We had those conclusions from childhood. It is part of the
human condition that we carry that. You can't sail a boat if we've got
anchors holding it back. And maybe the anchors aren't visible to us.
We've taken sailing lessons. We've learned how to hoist the sails, how
to set the rudder, how to set the sail. The wind is there but the boat's not
moving. We've not been taught how to look for all of those anchors. It
might be hidden, holding the boat back.
And I think the same thing is true for us, that when we don't get the
results that we want there are other hidden anchors. If 90-95 percent of
all of our behaviors are not conscious, it's very likely that we have a
bunch there that are just not conscious to us. One reason I do the
muscle testing is because it helps us access that quite quickly as to what
they are and where they are and what it would take to cut loose those
anchors.
So I think that that is a role that keeps a lot of things from working. And
then the other thing is that sometimes we just have a need, for some
reason, whether it's conscious or unconscious, but we have some strong
I find that when we commit ourselves to that, not trying to influence the
outcome, not fearing an outcome, not wanting an outcome of some kind
from my ego level, that's when I find that it's most likely to be quite
accurate.
TS: This conversation is really all about, I think, an emerging field that
we could call "energy psychology." Is that the accurate term?
HG: That's been a label applied to it.
TS: And could you define that field just to help me understand it?
HG: Well, the field of energy psychology is just one that recognizes that
everything is comprised of cell energies and that consciousness plays a
role in it. And so the field of energy psychology recognizes both the
dealing with the energy meridians that we're talking about; dealing with
the field of energy that surrounds a body; dealing with the "non-local
mind" that it has been called in physicsthat our mind is not contained
in the brain and the skull but in fact reaches out to countless others
around us because it's all a part of "one mind," as physicist Erwin
Schrdinger put it. Whether it's the subtle energies of the Eastern
tradition of energynot just meridians but the chakras. And so the broad
field of energy psychology has people that work with various ones of
these dimensions or all of them. Or just how consciousness seems to
affect it without using any specific focus on any of those. That would be
the broader field of energy psychology, I would say.
TS: Thank you. That's helpful. Now, I want to circle back to how we
began our conversation, which is what we can understand from physics
that might help us in our relationships, and specifically in the audio
series, The New Physics of Love. You talk about how we can work with
our thoughts in relationships and how powerful this is in terms of
changing what's going on in our relationships. I wonder if you can share
that view with us?
HG: Well, that fits right within what we've been talking about in this new
worldview because, as I just mentioned before, the concept in physics of
the non-local mind applies here and it works in a couple of different
ways.
One is if I think a thought, it instantly affects all the cells in my body. It
affects my mood and everything else. It also governs my perceptions,
how I interpret and see somebody else and what they're doingwhat
meaning I give to it. So whatever I think about, I think of it as always
creating a reality for us. I think there's no such thing as an innocuous
thought. I think there's no such thing as a private thought. I think all of
our thoughts are always having an effect on our bodies and our moods
and our perceptions and on people around us.
experiment. And he said, "I don't know what it is, doc, but I'm desperate
so tell me." And I said, "Will you just think about some time when you've
had a memory of a good experience with her?" And he thought for a
minute and was silent for a bit and finally he said, "I can only come up
with two or three memories and they were way back in the beginning of
our relationship, sixteen years ago!" And I said, "Well, that's enough.
When you start having those anxious thoughts about going home, take
several deep breaths to relax yourself and just start focusing on the
memory of those nice, loving experiences with her, even though they
were years ago. Just do that. And if the fear thought comes in again,
take another deep breath, focus on those memories of those good
experiences and take a few more deep breaths as you do it and then go
about your work." He said, "It's the silliest thing I've ever heard of but
because I'm desperate, I'll do it."
Well, he did it and he came back the next week saying that he couldn't
attribute it to what he was doing at first but he said, "I don't know what
happened. I think my wife might have had a mild case of the flu going
around or something because she's not behaving as much as she used
to be. I think she must be sicka little under the weather." I let him stay
with that and he came back the next time and he was clear that she
wasn't sick but he began to say again, "You know, I don't know what's
going on. She's still doing some of it, but it's way down to less than half
of what it used to be. Could it be this exercise that I'm doing?" With that I
said, "Well, I think it probably could be." And he said, "Can I keep doing
it?" And I said, "Let's do it and see what happens."
So I approached it as an experiment. Within several weeks, he felt like it
had totally transformed his relationship. He said, "Occasionally she still
has these but I can live with that. It's maybe three or five percent of the
time. But the other change is so dramatic that I can live with that. I can
still be happy with that. And the only thing that has changed ..." At one
point he said, "I wonder if she went to see another therapist and didn't
tell me." And then he found that she hadn't because no checks had been
written to a therapist and weren't charged to a credit card. And so he had
to finally come to see that it was his thoughts that did that.
There's a wonderful line from the same psycho-spiritual work I quoted
before that says, "My thoughts alone cause my pain." But then add a
caveat, "I can elect to change any of the thoughts that hurt me." And that
fits so much with the Buddhist teachings, or Jesus of Nazareth
teachings, or any of the great masters throughout the centuries, or even
cognitive therapy today. All of these are saying the same truthsthat
our thoughts are immensely powerful.
done that would mean that they won't appear, they won't pop up quite so
often. But the ego mind will always be here in all of us as long as we're
here in the human body. That's what being human is. The body is the
symbol of separation. The ego is the symbol of separation. It will always
be jumping in with some kind of negative thought. But to keep heart is
like Yogananda said: do I want to give expressed permission to it to
stay?
Then we have to deal with as much consciously all our lives, but if there
are some anchors holding some of it back, we just need to use those
tools more to make it more and more possible.
TS: Henry, there are so many things that I could talk with you about. So
many ideas that you talk about in The New Physics of Love but here at
the end of our conversation on Insights at the Edge, here's the thing I'm
really curious about: you've now developed and worked with so many
techniquesas you say "in the twinkle of an eye" things can shiftand
I'm curious, in your own life Our program is called Insights at the
Edge and I always like to know the edge that people are working on. In
your own life, are there things that just seem kind of stuck for you? That
don't seem to respond to these energy psychology techniques that seem
just sort of stuck in the mud or is it not really working that way for you
these days?
HG: I'm finding that they have worked for me immensely. But it's not just
the energy psychology techniques. I've been practicing meditation twice
a day for at least 25 years. I've been studying a lot of spiritual disciplines
for at least as long. I was strongly influenced by physicist David Bohm
years ago, and it was a transformative time for me. Most influential
teacher in my life was in graduate school having Viktor Frankl with me to
understand the power of our thoughts, like even in a concentration
camp.
So I've been working on this stuff for many, many years so it's the
mixture of the spiritual, the psychological, the energy work, the
consciousnessall of that together that I use repeatedly all the time in
my life. It doesn't mean that I don't have things pop up that disturb me,
but what it does mean is that I deal with it much more quickly. I'll go
meditate. I'll go do an energy process on myself. I'll do some breath
work. I'll surrender something to my higher consciousness. Not a "sky
god" out there, but to a higher consciousness and letting go of my
masterminding from my ego level. Yes, all these will still appear to be
but I deal with them so much more quickly now. Far more quickly than I
did five years ago, 10 years ago, and especially 20 years ago.
I'm still in the process and I expect I'll be using them the rest of my life
but also expect that I'll need to. I can have more success more and more
quickly, is what I'm imagining from it. Whether it's in the area of my own
health, whether it's in the area of relationships, whether it's the most
intimate or with friendships or work relationships, whether it's to do with
money or my career, I find the more that I just keep myself at peace and
surrender the outcomeand trust the flowI find that they just work
miraculously. Things just come from wherever. I don't even know where
they are coming from, but I just find that it's just joyful to receive them.
TS: Wonderful. Thank you for speaking with us today on Insights at the
Edge. I'm very grateful.
HG: It's been wonderful to talk with you, Tami.
TS: I've been talking with Dr. Henry Grayson. He has created a ninehour audio course with Sounds True on The New Physics of Love