ESSAY

Your class has attended a panel discussion on ways young people can be
encouraged to keep fit in. You have made the notes below:
Ways young people can be encouraged to keep fit: School programmes,
sports clubs, technology.
Some opinions expressed in the panel discussion: Schools should be
responsible for kids fitness; Maybe kids would do sport if they could
choose one they liked; Young people would be more motivated if a
computer was involved somehow.
Write an essay for you tutor discussing two of the ways in your notes. You
should explain which way you think is more important for schools to
consider, giving reasons in support of your answer. You may, if you wish,
make use of the opinions expressed in the discussion, buty you should use
your own words as far as possible.

Keeping fit, a healthy method which needs to be disseminated to

young people
In the 21th century, obesity has become a vital health problem in our
society, overall/above all among the youths. Being Overweight could
provoke that an obstruction of blood flow was impeded by fatty
plaques, which is an underlying factor of heart attacks and/or strokes.
Because of this it is necessary to struggle against this that growing
issue to achieve ing a younger generation in good physical conditions.
To begin with, schools should have own several programmes about
staying fit. Time to do sports must be compulsory due to the fact that
it is suitable to for reduceing the level of stress and accomplishing
emotional release. In that These programs should have to be a
section relative relating to nutrition too. Nourishment is highly crucial
to/in keeping fit and that is why school canteens must provide a
varied menu each day. Moreover/furthermore, an adequate excellent
idea would be to give giving speeches in reference to food for the
purpose of informing teenagers youths can learn how to follow a
satisfactory diet.
Another alternative to keeping fit is belonging to a sport club. Doing
sport with friends can be useful to encourage them. Although doing a
sport individually with a teacher who is focused completely on you is
likely beneficial to be better than, doing sport in a team which could
be more favourable in order to feel accompanied and improve the
your skills observing the others. Seeing Watching the rest of the
players is an 'impulse' which helps to enhance the abilities of one
particular sport.
In conclusion, an ameliorated school programme with time tofor sport
and information about nutrition as well as doing sport in a club would
diminish the level of obesity and improve the health of teenagers.

285 words.
Content: 3/5 You answer the main question but you don't say which
is the better option and why...
Communication: 2/5
Organisation: 3/5 good use of linkers & cohesive devices. Sentence
stucture needs improving!
Language: 2/5 gerunds & infinitives!!! A wider variety of tenses is
needed, but vocab is good :-)