Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
Author
Sheikh Dr. Akram Barakat
Introduction
There have been many texts addressing marriage in
the context of cultural awareness. Questions continued
to arrive from people searching for answers that
address the actual needs of the spouses. They hoped
that these answers would not be related to theories in
general accomplishing some satisfaction on one hand,
and injecting the problem with anesthetic on the other
hand, without providing the proper solutions to these
problems.
In order to challenge these questions, I came up with
an idea, addressing the audience in sermons during
Ramadan 1431 AH from the al Qaem pulpit, which was
an attempt to find answers to these questions. Hence, I
phrased these sermons by referring to religion and its
sources as well as wisdom and experience instead of
traditionally giving straight answers that can be found
in the existing religious script.
The next step for me was to incorporate these
1- Freedom
Why should I get married? Bachelorhood is much
better because it keeps me free.
2- Peace of Mind
Are you asking me to get married and cause my
mind to become occupied with other issues whereas I
feel free as a bachelor?
3- Escaping Responsibility
Bachelorhood is so sweet compared to marriage
that will render me responsible for others.
4- Godliness
I am afraid of marriage because it might distract me
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(1) Muhammad Bin Hassan al-Horr al-Amily, Wasael ash-Shia (The Means of Shia),
Vol. 20, P.50.
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Trustworthiness
The Honorable Prophet (pbuh&hh) was quoted as
saying, If you are visited by someone, whose religion
and trustworthiness please you, with a proposal, give
(in marriage) to him.(1) Trust and sincerity of speech
are the two main standards required for the character
that was pointed out by the Prophet (pbuh&hh) when
he said, Do not look to their prayers, fasting, repeated
pilgrimages and late night supplications, look for the
sincerity of speech and trustworthiness.(2)
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Competence
Competence is the crown of qualities that represents
the marital worthiness of man. The Prophet (pbuh&hh)
regarded faith as the main item of competence. It
was reported that a man asked him: To whom do we
give (in marriage)? The prophet (pbuh) replied: The
competent. The man said: O messenger of Allah, who
are the competent? The Prophet (pbuh&hh) replied:
The believers, they complete each other; the believers,
they complete each other.(3)
Moreover, Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh) discussed two
(1) Same previous source, Vol. 100 P. 372.
(2) Muhammad Bin Hassan al-Horr al-Amily, Wasael ash-Shia (The Means of Shia),
Vol. 19, P. 69.
(3) Same previous source, Vol. 20, P. 62.
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Principles of Acquaintance
We offer a great deal of advice to any couple (male
and female) wishing to be acquainted with each other.
Our aim is to examine the required qualities that he (as
a husband) or she (as a wife) must possess. We hope
that these recommendations will contribute to helping
them reach their aim without causing any harm to the
godliness of each.
1- Considering the Doctrine
During their conversation, they must consider the
legal regulations such as avoiding the exchanging of
lusty glances; avoid touching each other because it is
prohibited before marriage; avoid isolation in a place
that restricts others from joining, which will prevent
Satan from joining their session as a third wicked
party. The last advice was mentioned in a number of
reports. For example, commander of the faithful (pbuh)
was quoted as saying: No man must sit alone with a
woman. Any man who sits alone with a woman will
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(1) Muhammad Bin Yacoub al-Kulaini, Usul al-Kafi (al-Kafi Principles), Vol. 2 P. 642.
Engagement
Engagement and the Origin of Reform
In our societies, it is common to name someone
fianc when he asks a girls hand for marriage. She
will also be called fiance. These terms remain valid
until the time of their wedding, when the common
terms, husband and wife replace them.
What is the origin of the terms fianc and fiance?
It was said that the Arabs had a habit. Whenever a
man decides to marry a girl, he will visit her parents
accompanying his family or clan. There, he proposes
and introduces himself asking the girls hand. They
would say a man came and proposed asking her hand.
Therefore, he is her fianc and she is his fiance.
Engagement Amid Confidentiality and
Announcement
A person might ask the hand of a girl without
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and
Marriage
Contract
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Marriage Contract
Marriage Contract,Worships and Dealings
The jurisprudent scholars divided the rules of Islam
into two volumes, worships (services) and dealings
(affairs). They considered that obedience, which leads
to Allahs satisfaction, is included in the first volume.
On the other hand, the second volume includes the
dealings that relate to other life issues such as trade,
rent, banking, and other matters.
Perhaps the first volume was named after worship
because it launches from obedience in accordance with
the legal verdict. A legal verdict is a special (spiritual)
logic that is usually incomprehensible, and is completely
embraced as long as the script (reported words) of the
infallible Imam does not protest it. Worship necessitates
literal commitment to the content of the legal script. For
example, the Morning Prayer (Salat As-Subh) is two
parts. Therefore, it becomes void when one part is skipped
or added unlike the dealings, which are often resolved
by relying on additions. The jurisprudent scholars agree
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which is 4.265 grams of gold, hence, the dowry of AzZahraa (pbuh) would be (40 x 4.265 = 170.60 or 50x
4.265 = 213.25 grams of gold).
Second option: calculate the purchasing value of
the practiced dowry according to the way of Imam
Ali (pbuh) when he used the cost of his shield for the
purchase. The historic sources reported this issue.
Some examples were a dress, a veil, a shawl, a small
carpet made of straw, etc
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Wedding Gift
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(1) Muhammad Baqir al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar (Oceans of Light), Vol. 72, P. 44.
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A- Feigning Inattention:
It is very difficult to find a young couple (man and
woman) who can find complete harmony regarding
their aspirations, attitudes, and tastes. Love added to
the matrimonial bond cannot create a positive upswing
regarding these matters. Yes, it might help toleration
but it cannot change these qualities swiftly.
At this point, the new relationship necessitates that
man does not build his hopes, in the sense, that his
wife will represen this dream girl. Similarly, the girl
must not build her hopes, in the sense, that her husband
will represent her dream knight whom she netted by
her imagination. It is very likely for a young man and
woman to demonstrate certain ideas or behaviors that
do not harmonize with each other.
In this sense, it is wrong for either of them to be
shocked or frustrated. Instead, they must deal with this
situation with reason.
Our advice is that neither of them should hold the
other accountable by investigating his or her position
and behavior in a way that would change the issue
to a sort of a mobile camera recording each act of
the other party, after which its images are analyzed
for accountability. This issue will complicate the
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B- Passionate Expressions:
Allah (The Exalted) created the female distinguishing
her from the male with an igniting passion. Without
it, woman would never have loved and sought to
conceive a child for nine months with great effort and
exhaustion. Besides, she suffers an excruciating pain
while giving birth to her child after which she holds it
with great passion although it deprives her later from
the sweetness of sleeping. Moreover, she continues
fostering her baby at the expense of her own comfort.
This issue derives entirely from the passion that Allah
installed inside the female. She, from her youth, must
give attention to this issue. Therefore, the Prophets
Household (pbut) instructed us, based on the verses
of the holy Quran, to give attention to the children
beginning with The females before the males.(1)
At this point, the significance of the husbands
consideration to this passionate side of his wife plays
a role. He must express his love and passion towards
her. Perhaps this issue represents the best nutrition for
this stage in order to enhance the bond of relationship
between them, which can mirror great effect on the soul
(1) Husseinan-Nouri, Mustadrak al-Wasael (Following the Means), reviewed and published by Moassasat AalAlbayt (AalAlbaytFoundation), 1st edition, Qum, 1407 AH,
Vol. 15, P. 118.
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(1) Muhammad Bin Yacoub al-Kulaini, Fourou al-Kafi (al-Kafi Branches), Vol. 5, P.
569, hadith or speech 59.
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E- Beloved Gifts
In many societies, the people became accustomed to
the fact that the wifes alimentation is not the husbands
responsibility prior to the wedding. Some legal
jurisprudent experts referred to this tradition to reach
their legal verdict. Therefore, they do not regard her
alimentation as part of the husbands responsibilities
until she becomes ready for the wedding.(1) However,
abstaining from offering the wife something or even
giving the little during this stage might give a negative
impression of the husband. In addition, the husband
must take the initiative that can help strengthen the
bond of love between them by letting the girl sense her
husbandsgenerosity towards her.
This generosity can be mirrored through the
consecutive gifts that express this love because
Generosity generates love and love generates
generosity.
F- Protection and Righteousness
The verse of the holy Quran They are clothing
for you and you are clothing for them (2),which
expresses the husband and wife as being clothes, bears
(1) Same previous source, P. 195-196.
(2) The Holy Quran: Al-Baqarah (The Cow), chapter 2, verse 187.
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Wedding Ceremony
The Wedding of Az-Zahraa (pbuh)
Wedding procession is not a new term. It has been
used in the stories that were attributed to the Honorable
Prophet (pbuh&hh) such as in his words: Carry your
brides in procession at night and feast at daybreak.(1)
Wedding party is not a new method to celebrate the
grooms. It is actually an original issue in the history
of Islam, which narrates to us the wedding ceremony
of Imam Ali (pbuh) and Lady Fatimah Az-Zahraa
(pbuh). For example, Imam al-Baqir (pbuh) was
quoted as saying: Jabir Bin Abdullah al-Ansary talked
to me and said that the night when Allahs messenger
(pbuh&hh) gifted Fatimah (pbuh) to Ali (pbuh), he
called for Ali (pbuh) and seated him to his right then
asked for her (pbuh) and seated her to his left. Next,
he gathered their heads and rose up with them while
standing in their midst making way to the house of Ali
(pbuh). Hence, Gabriel exclaimed to the angels Allah
(1) Abu Jafar at-Tousi, Tahzeeb al-Ahkam (Rectifying the Verdicts), Vol. 7, P. 418.
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(1) Muhammad Bin Yacoub al-Kulaini, Fourou al-Kafi (al-Kafi Branches), Vol. 5, P.
366.
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2- Dancing
The Jurisprudent scholars such as Imam Khamenei
(Allah protect him) did not forbid the dancing of a
woman in front of other women at all. Instead, scholars
out of precaution forbade the dancing that goes
under the abnormalcategory or when the women
session (ceremony) changes into a session of purely
dancing, whether it pertained to a wedding or another
occasion.(1)
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4- Mixed Wedding
It is definite that holding a wedding ceremony in
two separated places, one for men and one for women
is nearer to piety and more secure from misconduct.
Mixed weddings often lead to forbidden acts such
as exposing the bride with her makeup to strangers.
Mixed weddings can also lead to other forbidden
issues. Besides, privatizing a wedding for women alone
will give them the freedom to rejoice freely unlike
the mixed wedding where precaution is necessary. A
wedding ceremony for women alone will help them
preserve their decency and purity.
5- Photography
One of the important issues, which woman should
be aware off when attending a wedding for women
alone, where they take their freedom regarding the
nature of the clothes and makeup is the issue of taking
photographs. Some women take photographs without
any regulations, especially in shade of the widespread
cellular phones with cameras. In this case, there is fear
that careless women might show the pictures of the
unveiled women at the wedding to male strangers. This
issue necessitates a regulation measure at the place of
the ceremony.
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Cleanliness
Islam emphasized on the importance of cleanliness.
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh&hh) was quoted as saying,
Clean yourself to the best of your ability because Allah
built Islam on cleanliness. Only the clean will enter
heaven.(1) The eye-catching issue was the reports that
whenever the Honorable Prophet (pbuh&hh) wished
to give (in marriage) one of his daughters he would
instruct her not to approach her husband unless she has
washed first.(2)
The accounts also noted a prophetic guidance to
Muslims, which reads:
Wash your clothes, trim your hair, brush your teeth,
adorn and clean yourselves, as the children of Israel did
not do so, hence their women fornicated.(3) Imam AsSadiq (pbuh) quoted his ancestors who quoted Allahs
messenger (pbuh&hh) as saying, Prepare yourself for
your wife as she prepares herself for you. Moreover,
the Imam (pbuh) explained the prophets words saying,
In other words, preparation means cleanliness.(4)
(1) Muhammad Ar-Rayshahri, Mizan al Hikmah (The Scale of Wisdom), Vol. 4, P. 3303.
(2) Muhammad Ar-Rayshahri, Tahzeeb al Usrah Min Minzar al Kitab Was As-Sunnah
(Enhancing the family from the prospect of the book and the doctrine), P. 206-207.
(3) Same previous source, P. 206.
(4) Muhammad Baqir Al Majlisi, Bihar al Anwar (Oceans of Light), Vol. 79, P. 307.
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Beautification
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Wearing Perfume
Quotations from the inerrant Imams are numerous
regarding the preferable wearing of perfume. For
example, imam al-Ridha (pbuh) was quoted as saying,
Perfume is part of the manners of the prophets.(1)
Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh) was quoted as saying,
Whatever you spend on perfume is not deemed
extravagance.(2)
In addition, the biography of the Honorable Prophet
(pbuh&hh) reads, he would spend on perfume more
than he would spend on food.(3) Islam prohibited the
woman from letting her perfume emanate in presence
of strangers. Any woman who does so is cursed until
she returns home, whenever she returns.(4)
On the other hand, Islam encourages the woman to
wear perfume for her husband. Imam al-Hussein (pbuh)
was quoted narrating a story on the preparation of the
Lady of the women of the worlds Fatimah Az-Zahraa
(pbuh) saying, When Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh)
gave Fatimah (in marriage) to Ali for (a dowry of) 480
dirham, the Prophet (pbuh&hh) instructed him to spend
(1) Muhammad ar-Rayshahri, Mizan al-Hikmah (The Scale of Wisdom), Vol. 2, P. 1756.
(2) Al-Hassan Bin al-Fadl at-Tabarsi,Makarim al-Akhlaq (Nobility of Character), P. 60.
(3) Muhammad ar-Rayshahri, Mizan al-Hikmah (The Scale of Wisdom), Vol. 2, P. 1756
(4) Al-Hassan Bin al-Fadl at-Tabarsi,Makarim al-Akhlaq (Nobility of Character), P. 60.
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1- Ablution (Wudu)
The Hadith stated, Maintain ablution if she
joins you.(3)
2- Performing a 2-part prayer
It is similar to the Morning Prayer. Preferably, each
of the husband and wife may practice a voluntary
2-part prayer. The Hadith stated, She (the wife)
prays a 2-part prayer as a preference And you pray
the same.(4)
(1) Muhammad an-Naysabouri, Rawdat al-Waezeen (The Preachers Garden), 1966 AD,
P. 146.
(2) Ali an-Namaazi ash-Shahroudi, Mustadrak Safinat al-Bihar (Following the Oceans
Vessel), Vol. 6, P. 611.
(3) Al-Hassan Bin al-Fadl at-Tabarsi,Makarim al-Akhlaq (Nobility of Character), P. 322.
(4) Same previous source.
3- Supplication
It comes after the 2-part prayer. Three traditional
supplications have been mentioned:
First supplication:
Let the husband pass his hand over her head
and say, O Allah, bless my wife in my favor, bless me
in her favor, and bless our union. Unite us together
in goodness and fortune. Should You ordain our
separation, let it be for better.
The husband adds,Praise is to Allah Who guided
me from going astray, enriched me from my poverty,
strengthened me from my laziness, honored me
from my humility, sheltered my family, gave me (in
marriage) away from my bachelorhood, exploited
my career, amused my loneliness, and upgraded my
lowliness. I thank You greatly for what You gave me O
lord, for what You ordained and for Your generosity.(1)
Second supplication:
Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh) was quoted as saying, If you
join your wife touch her head then face the Kiblah and
say O Allah, I have taken her as Your trust and have made
(1) Abu Hanifah al-Maghribi, Daaem al-Islam (Pillars of Islam), Vol. 2, P. 21, Hadith
772.
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(1) Hussein al-Brujardi, Jame Ahadith as-Shia (Collector of Shia Speeches), Vol. 20,
P. 280.
(2) Muhammad Taqi at-Tastary, Qamous ar-Rijal (Men Dictionary), 1st edition, Qum,
Moassasat an-Nashr al-Islami (Islamic Publishing Foundation), 1425 AH, Vol. 12, P. 426.
Speech Literacy
At the beginning of their matrimonial life, the
husband and wife getting used to good conduct and
speech can mirror great positive effect that will help
the continuation of this favored pattern. Hence, it
will help with the continuity of harmony between the
spouses. I was fond of avillager who expressed this
idea by saying:
If a husband tells his wife: hey, bring me a cup of
water, she will answer: hey, take it. On the other hand,
if he tells her: my dear, do you mind bringing me a cup
of water, she will answer: here it is O light of my eyes.
This way of conduct and mannerism between
the couple holds great value. It can also produce the
satisfaction of the merciful lord and mirror great reward
and remuneration.
Therefore, Man can be rewarded simply by
handing his wife a morsel,(1) as stated by the Hadith
(the Prophets Traditional Speech).
The reward of the woman that reacts with such merit
can be examined in the story of the man who came to
the Prophet (pbuh&hh) saying, I have a woman who
(1) Muhammad ar-Rayshahri, Mizan al-Hikmah (The Scale of Wisdom), Vol. 2, P. 1186.
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(1) Hussein al-Brujardi, Jame Ahadith as-Shia (Collector of Shia Speeches), Vol. 20,
P. 40.
(1)
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6. Muhammad Baqir al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar
(Oceans of Light), Corrected by Muhammad Mahdi
al-Musawi al-Kharasani, Edition number unknown,
Tehran, Dar al-Kutub al-Islamiyah (Islamic Books
Publishing House), 1396 AH
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10. Jalal ed-Dean as-Siyouti, al-Jame as-Saghir (The
Small Collection), 1st edition, Beirut, Dar al-Fikr
(Ideology Publishing House), 1981.
11. Hussein al-Brujardi, Jame Ahadith as-Shia
(Collector of Shia Speeches), edition number
unknown, Qum, 1409.
M
12. Muhammad ar-Rayshahri, Mizan al-Hikmah (The
Scale of Wisdom), 2nd edition, Maktab al-Elam alIslami (Islamic Media Bureau), 1413 AH.
13. Muhammad Bin Ali as-Saddouq, Man La
Yahdoroho al-Faqih (He whos Unattended by the
Jurisprudent), edition number unknown, Beirut, Dar
at-Taaruf (Acquaintance Publishing House), 1991.
14. Hussein an-Nouri, Mustadrak al-Wasael
(Following the Means), reviewed and published
by Moassasat Aal Albayt le-Ehyaa at-Torath (Aal
Albayt Foundation for Reviving the Tradition), 1st
edition, Qum, 1407 AH.
15. Al-Hassan Bin al-Fadl at-Tabarsi, Makarim alAkhlaq (Nobility of Character), 1st edition, Beirut,
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25. Jafar as-Sabhani, at-Tawhid wa ash-Shirk filQuran al-Karim (Unification and association [with
him] in the Holy Quran), 2nd edition, Beirut, Dar
al-Walaa (al-Walaa Publishing House), 2004.
26. Muhammad Bin al-Hassan at-Toussi, Tahzeeb
al-Ahkam (Verdicts Rectification), Comments by
Hassan al-Kharasani, edition number unknown,
Tehran, Dar al-Kutub al-Islamiyah (Islamic Books
Publishing House), 1390 AH.
122
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27. Muhammad Bin Hassan al-Horr al-Amily,
Wasael ash-Shia (The Means of Shia), reviewed
and published by Moassasat Aal Albayt le-Ehyaa
at-Torath (Aal Albayt Foundation for Reviving the
Tradition), 2nd edition, Beirut, 2003.
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28. Az-Zawaj an-Najeh (Successful Marriage);
produced and published by Jameyat al-Maaref
(Knowledge Organization), 1st edition, Beirut,
2006.
Contents
Introduction....................................................................................... 7
From Bachelorhood to Marriage.....................................9
Young Mans Question: Whom should I marry?....21
The Girls Question: WhomShould I Marry?..........35
Principles of Acquaintance...............................................47
Engagement.............................................................................55
Marriage Contract.................................................................67
Between Marriage Contract and Wedding ...............77
Wedding Ceremony.............................................................89
Wedding Night Decorum..................................................97
First Days after the Wedding.........................................107
Sources and References.............................................................117
Contents..............................................................................................123
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