StudyGuide:ThePowerofVulnerabilitybyBreneBrown(TED)

OnlineVideo:www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
StudyguidecompiledbyTimTedder,LMHC,NCC|CurrentsCounseling.com

1.Dr.Brownmakesthisstatementaboutrelationalconnection:"Connectioniswhywe'rehereit'swhat
givespurposeandmeaningtoourlives."

Reflection...
Doyouagree,ordisagree?
Considertheimportanceofpersonalconnectioninthefollowingstagesofyourlife.Whatwouldyou
sayaboutyourneed,longing,andexperienceofconnectionineachstage?
Thebeginningofyourlife...
Yourchildhood...
Adolescence...
Adulthood...
Imaginewhatconnectionmightmeantoyouinthelastyearofyourlife...
2.Inherresearch,Dr.Brownfoundthethingthat"unraveledconnection"wasshame.Shemadethe
followingstatementsaboutshame:
Shamecanbeunderstoodasthefearofdisconnectionthefearthatthereissomethingaboutme
thatmakesothersconsidermeunworthyofconnection.
Shameisuniversal.Weallhaveit.Theonlypeoplewhodon'texperienceshamehavenocapacity
forhumanempathyorconnection.
Noonewantstotalkaboutshame,andthelessyoutalkaboutit,themoreyouhaveit.
Shameisexpressedinthefeelingof"I'mnot______enough"(goodenough,thinenough,rich
enough,beautifulenough,smartenough,promotedenough,etc.).

Reflection...
Areyouawareofthethingsyoufearedasachild,adolescent,adult?
Wereanyofthosefearslinkedtothoughtsof"I'mnot______enough"?Howdid/doyoufillinthat
blank?
Didthisaffectyourrelationshipconnections?Ifso,how?
3.Dr.Brown'sresearchindicatedwhatseparatedpeoplewhoexperienceastrongsenseofloveand
belongingfromthosewhostruggleforitisthis:"Thepeoplewhohaveastrongsenseofloveandbelonging
believethey'reworthyofit."Whenstudyingthedatacollectedfromthese"wholehearted"people,she
discoveredtheyhadthesethingsincommon:
Courage:(Originaldefinition:tellingwhoyouarewithyourwholeheart.)Theyhadthecourageto
beimperfect.
Compassion:Theywerekindtothemselvesandtoothers.
Connection:Theirconnectionswererootedinauthenticity(lettinggoofwhotheythoughtthey
shouldbeinordertobewhotheywere).
Vulnerability:Theyembracedvulnerabilityassomethingthatwasnecessaryforconnection.
(Examplesofvulnerability:askingsomeoneforhelp,initiatingsex,beingturneddown,waitingfor
thedoctortocallback,gettinglaidoff,layingoffpeople)

Reflection...
Considerthesequalities:thecouragetobeimperfect,genuinekindness,authenticity,vulnerability.
Inwhatwaysaretheseevidentinyou?Inwhatwaysaretheylacking?
Whatmakesyoufeelmostvulnerableinrelationships?(Thinkaboutwhatyoutendtoavoid.)

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4.Dr.Browndefinedthethefollowingstrategiesweuseinourattempttoeliminateorminimizethefeeling
ofvulnerability:
WeNUMBit(e.g.,overspending,overeating,overmedicating).Theproblemis,wecannot
selectivelynumbouremotions.Whenwenumbnegativefeelings(venerability,grief,shame,fear,
disappointment)wenumbpositiveones,too(joy,gratitude,happiness,love).
WemakethingsCERTAIN.Wedon'tleaveroomforambiguityoruncertaintyinouropinionsand
beliefs.
WePERFECT.Weattempttoremoveorreplaceperceivedimperfectionsinourlivesandinour
children'slives.
WePRETEND.Weactasthoughwearenotresponsibleforthewayourlivesaffectothersinsteadof
acceptingresponsibility,especiallywhenwehavecausedhurt.

Reflection...
Whichofthesedoyoutendtousemostoften?
Listsomeexamplesofthewaysyou'veusedthatstrategyinordertominimizefeelingsofpersonal
vulnerability.
Areyouawareofwaysinwhichthosechoicesandbehaviorshavehadnegativeimpactonany
relationships?Ifso,how?
5.Dr.Brownsuggests"anotherway"ofdealingwithvulnerability:
Toletourselvesbeseen,deeplyandvulnerably.
Tolovewithourwholehearts,evenwhenthereisnoguarantee.
Topracticegratitudeandjoy,eveninmomentsoffearanduncertainty.
Tobelieve"Iamenough."

Reflection...
Doanyofthesechallengesstiralonginginyoutobemorelikethat?Ifso,taketheriskofbeing
vulnerableandTALKaboutitwithsomeone.
Doyoubelieve,"Iamenough"?Whatdoesthatmean?Whathindersthatbelief?Whathelpsthat
belief?Doyourspiritualbeliefshaveanyimpact?Ifso,how?
Thinkofanimportantrelationshipinyourlife.Whatisonespecific,measurablethingyoucando
withinthenext24hoursthatwouldbeanactofvulnerabilityinthatrelationship?Willyoudoit?

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