1.

Divorce in the Philippines is not legal but it looks like there are more couples getting an
annulment. Isnt this enough reason to legalize divorce?
The increasing numbers may be due to a greater awareness of this procedure than before. We get
to know more about annulments or separations today especially if they involve movie or society
personalities. The media loves to elaborate on the details but no one seems to be paying attention
to the millions of good marriages around, which do not see print.
2. The Philippines is now the ONLY country (aside from the Vatican) where divorce is not
legal. Isnt that rather strange?
Even if all the countries in the world, except ours, have legalized divorce, this is not a forceful
reason for us to have it. If our Constitution is the only one in the world that guarantees the
protection of the institution of marriage as a lasting and permanent union, then this unique and
fundamental law must be something to be proud of! (Article XV, Sec. 2 Marriage, as an
inviolable social institution, is the foundation of the family and shall be protected by the State).
A lasting marriage stabilizes the family and society as a whole. Divorce divides and destroys the
family. Marriage is not a 50-50 arrangement. Divorce is. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isnt
about dividing everything in half, but giving everything youve got. If one gives 80, then the
other must give a 120.
3. If the criteria for granting a divorce are well thought of and strict, those applying for
divorce can be forewarned that they must have a truly valid case to pursue its filing. Would
this be another convincing reason for legalizing divorce?
Most countries where divorce is legal have now gone a step further down by accepting what is
called a no fault divorce. This means that couples do not need a valid or compelling reason to
separate; only a simple agreement to end the marriage is enough. This paves the way for flimsy
excuses (or none) to be legal grounds for ending a marriage. The petitioner for divorce could cite
irreconcilable differences without having to validate what he or she means.
4. Divorce advocates argue that it is a solution to failed, if not oppressive and dehumanizing
unions. Shouldnt divorce be a consideration to properly address this and other
irreconcilable differences between married couples?
If a spouse proves not only to be overbearing but also abusive and cruel, or if there are situations
in which living together becomes practically impossible, there are sufficient provisions in the
Family Code that provide for legal separation of the spouses. In some cases, there is even
annulment of voidable marriages. There are also salutary provisions in Republic Act No. 9262
(An Act defining Violence against Women and their Children, providing for protective measures

for victims, prescribing penalties therefore, and for other purposes) for the protection of women
and their children. Legal Separation may be the only recourse to ensure not only the legal rights
and care of the children but also spousal support, visitation rights, etc.
Divorce must NEVER be considered. There is no difficult situation that cannot be addressed in
an adequate way. Many difficult situations are worsened by the stubborn and blind passions of
hate or indecisions caused by infidelity or an unmentioned third party. Behind most divorces in
the West is an untold story of irretrievable loss and betrayal by one or the other. The marriage
fails because one or the other party wanted it to fail.
5. Please explain the following terms further Legal Separation, Annulment, Declaration
of Nullity
Legal separation allows the parties to live separately, but the marriage is not dissolved and
neither party can contract marriage with a new partner.
Civil Annulment recognizes the existence of a marriage until the time it is invalidated. The
consent of one or both parties to the marriage must be proven to be faulty at the time of the
exchange of vows. After an annulment, parties are restored to their single status.
Declaration of nullity means that there was no valid marriage at all in the first place. The parties
could remarry afterwards because they have, technically, never been married.
6. But divorce advocates insist that everyone deserves to have another chance to be happy
or at least have the right to re-marry. Why not?
This argument is incorrect. There is NO GUARANTEE that the next union will be happy and
successful. In fact, studies in the U. S. prove that first marriages are the ones that really last and
remarriages ultimately fail. See The High Failure Rate of Second and Third Marriages
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201202/the-high-failure-ratesecond-and-third-marriages).
If legal separation, annulment and declarations of nullity are juridical options which are already
available, why would one want a divorce that will ultimately hurt the family and damage
society? Difficult marriages can be repaired. There are programs that couples can attend to help
them out. Besides divorce being costly, it becomes an easy way out, a way to end a marriage in
order to remarry or to start a new life without the burden of a family.
7. How costly is divorce?
Church laws are against divorce and Civil laws should not favor divorce. If we speak here of
financial costs, yes, it is costly for not everyone will be able to afford it.

In addition, having another family will mean more expenses to support both families. The effects
of divorce are not limited to the incremental financial expenses. Studies have shown the
destructive consequences of divorce: the devastating emotional and psychological effects on the
separating spouses and the children. The children of divorce will become the parents of
tomorrow. They may also fail to prioritize the strength of their families.

8. But these are more of an exception and it affects only certain cases. The granting of
divorce may even be simpler and cheaper in the long run, isnt it?
Divorce also damages the stability and unity of the family, which is the most enduring human
institution, honored and encouraged in all cultures and by every religious faith.
If proponents of divorce claim that this will be cheaper than other legal options, they should
instead encourage the Government to make the present options more affordable.
Couples may try to convince themselves that it is a simple matter and that everything will end in
a peaceful and amicable way. Unspoken and undefined, but clearly evident, are the layers of pain
and hurt underneath that falsely calm faade of most of those undergoing divorce. You cant
just commit your life to a person and then let it go. Divorce causes trauma to the abandoned
spouse and unspoken pain to the departing spouse, however indifferent he or she may pretend to
be.
Couples, who fail to patch up their differences, blame each other and then choose to separate.
Separation and divorce adversely affect childrens values system as well as their emotional
growth. When children were involved, social studies have shown that divorce was a lifechanging, negative experience that altered their childhood, adolescence and adulthood. In
addition, divorce increased problems associated with a missing parent or parents juvenile
delinquency, lying, criminality, and school dropout. Some effects can be staggering like drugs
and even suicide!
9. A recent survey showed 60 percent of Filipinos want divorce made legal. Why does the
Catholic Church still insist on not legalizing what most Filipinos (including their flock) are
urging them to do?
The Catholic Church cannot conform her teachings on preferences that are suggested by surveys,
most of which are emotionally driven and difficult to translate to relevant actions. The sanctity of
marriage is embodied in the moral code that is eternal and immutable. The Church, in objecting
to legalize divorce, is reiterating a position she has held since the time of Christ. The Church

doctrine on divorce is unchangeable because it is a Divine Law. Those in favor of divorce and remarriage are effectively claiming human laws are superior to Gods laws.
10. What do you think are reasons why marriages fail to work?
There are many possible reasons, and foremost is the lack of preparation. Most couples whose
marriages failed have entered into it impulsively or for the wrong reasons. An example is when
the marriage begins because the girlfriend has become pregnant before marriage or when the
couple makes a hasty decision based on physical attraction.
While attraction may have resulted in dating, it must develop into a commitment, a covenant,
something spiritual. Pleasure without commitment is not love at all. Human love should become
conjugal love, the characteristic of which is complimentarity, a convergence of aspirations and
dreams. Divorce is a betrayal of love. This is precisely why it is important for children to learn
fidelity and commitment from their own parents marriage.
11. Is this the only reason for what is termed as failure in marriage?
A common reason for married couples who suddenly consider divorce is selfishness of one or the
other. Selfishness to appreciate that everyone changes through the years and to make allowances
for it. Selfishness to depreciate a spouse who has less education or a spouse whom one believes
he or she has outgrown and is no longer suitable for his or her professional or intellectual life.
Another reason is that many couples do not work to keep their marriage alive, engaging and
worthwhile. After a time, they take each other for granted. They no longer ensure their best
manners for their spouses. Indifference leads to lack of respect and eventually one or the other
falls out of love. While there is something stable in marriage and love, maybe those whose
marriages failed did not nurture and attend to this love every single day of their married life.
12. You must be talking of easy-to-mend marriages or minor problems that can easily be
solved. What about marriages that failed because of major difficulties? Or what if the
marriage is not working, in this case, there is a failure in love isnt it?
Most marriages go through situations that make the couple feel that the marriage is threatened or
that love has gone. Instead of giving up, the couple must find a new way to make things work. If
the issues appear irreconcilable from the viewpoint of the couple, they may need professional
help or an external party to guide them.
13. What can be done to save a marriage?
There may be an urgent need for professional help with a marriage counselor to help them work
it out. Unfortunately, there are spouses who may refuse to give counseling a try. Problems are

part of life. The existence of marital difficulties can be a means for them to work on their love
and respect for each other. They should not only resuscitate their affection, but also have to learn
to forgive each other because mercy is the perfection of love.
To save a marriage, it is most important that couples recognize their own failings first and
secondly, to be willing to negotiate and work out a solution.
A failure of marriage does not mean an invalid marriage. It can mean that the parties involved
should wake up and make up, rather than think their marriage has to end.
There is no perfect marriage as there is no perfect love in this world. Marriage and love have to
be worked on and developed in time, using whatever problems and difficulties the couple may
meet, to learn virtues and thus strengthen their love and their life together. Young love should
develop into a lasting love and, in old age, into devotion.

14. How must one prepare oneself before getting married?

Couples must know, before marriage, the necessary requirements to get married like consent,
validity and the dispositions of those entering into marriage. They must primarily focus on the
sacredness of marriage. Unity and the indissolubility of marriage are necessary for the pact of
love to last. They must know that marriage is a life-long commitment of mutual, exclusive, total,
irrevocable and sincere self-giving and sacrifice. It is entered into with open eyes, a lot of
reflection and logical thinking, maturity and a lot of preparation knowing the other person
extremely well and knowing that the union is not just based on mere passion or convenience. In
other words, those contemplating marriage must make a sincere and diligent effort to know and
understand the future partners character and background including that of his/her family.
Marriage fulfills natural law. It is not just a piece of paper signed in a ceremony. It is a promise, a
vow, and there is a purpose to this vow. The vow keeps the bridegroom and his bride together for
life in an unbreakable bond of love, respect, trust and safety needed to safeguard a very clear
outcome of the union a home, a family, children. Every baby deserves a family and every child
has the right to have both a father and a mother together.

Effects of Divorce on Parents

Posted by ALFI on Apr 17, 2015 in Divorce
I have written on the devastating effects of divorce on children and on the quality of the
workforce of a country in the long run. If children coming from divorced parents are more prone
to poor academic performances and mental and psychological disorders, legalising divorce in the
Philippines can erase to a great extent our advantage of having a young, growing and Englishspeaking population. It is clear, therefore, that the issue of divorce is more than just a religious
question. It has a lot to do with the economic progress of the nation and the common good of
society.
The American College of Pediatricians, however, has more to say about the harmful effects of a
culture of divorce. In a document authored primarily by Jane Anderson, MD, FCP, last May
2014, it enumerated the deleterious effects of divorce on the parents themselves. It showed
scientific evidences that parents who divorce also experience adverse effects on their physical,
emotional and financial well-being, thus also directly rendering them dysfunctional in their
professional work, trade, or occupation. According to this study, married (whether male or
female) people are more likely to have better physical health. Married people smoke and drink
less. Married men are less likely to commit suicide than men who are divorced or separated.
Married individuals have the lowest incidence of diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease.
Married men are more likely to live longer after a diagnosis of cancer, especially prostate cancer.
Married men live longer than men who never married. In the Framingham Offspring Study,
married men had a 46% lower rate of dying from cardiovascular disease than unmarried men.

Married people are more likely to have higher incomes. Individuals who are married have greater
wealth. The longer they stay married, the greater the wealth accumulation. Men especially
benefit, as married men earn 22% more than single men. Women who experience divorce face a
27% decrease in their standard of living. Married women are more likely to be physically safer
than divorced or separated women. Married people have more civic responsibility, are more
likely to volunteer in service projects, and are more likely to be involved in schools and
churches.
Divorce may have adverse long-term emotional effects on parents. In Wallersteins long-term
study, half of the women and one-third of the men were still very angry with their former
spouses. One-third of the women and one-fourth of the men felt that life was unfair and
disappointing. In only 10% of divorces did both partners feel they achieved happier lives. Onefourth of the older divorced men remained isolated and lonely. One study demonstrated that
those who were unhappy in their marriage when first surveyed, but remained married, were
likely to have improved relationships and be happier five years later than those who divorced.
One may conclude from this finding that it is worthwhile for spouses having difficulties in their
marital relations to exhaust all possibilities of remaining together, not only for the sake of their
children, but also for their own individual happiness.
Aggregating the negative impacts on both children and parents, it can be concluded that divorce
adversely affects society by : 1) Diminishing the childs future competence; 2) Weakening the
family structure; 3) Contributing to early sexual experimentation leading to increased costs for
society; 4) Adversely affecting religious practice (divorce diminishes the frequency of religious
worship); 5) Diminishing a childs learning capacity and educational attainment; 6) Reducing the
household income; 7) Increasing crime rates and substance use, with associated societal and
government costs; 8) Increasing risk for school suspensions, persons in need of supervision
status, binge drinking, and marijuana use; and 9) Increasing emotional and mental health risks,
including suicide. Studies have estimated that the financial cost of divorce to the United States
reaches about $33.3 billion per year, with adolescent pregnancy costing about $7 billion
annually.
With all these empirical evidences from what can be considered the Divorce Capital of the world,
we would have a hole in our head if we overturn our centuries-old tradition of no divorce in the
Philippines. We have to give full support to the statement of Speaker Feliciano Belmonte that the
Philippine Congress will never legalise divorce. For comments, my email address is
bernardo.villegas@uap.asia

The law of diminishing marginal utility states that, (with all things held
constant), as a person consumes more of a product, there is a decline in the
additional satisfaction a person derives from consuming one additional unit of
production (or marginal utility). Continual consumption will at some point result in
negative incremental satisfaction. The most typical example used to demonstrate

this law is the concept of an all-you-can-eat buffet, wherein the more plates you eat,
the less satisfied you become by the meal, until you eventually make yourself sick.