Tl'le

vv o ::~ 1 <i
I

l
i

I!
iI

* * *

Murier. Leve. Herrer. Sus,ense.

All this and much more in the most
amazing short stories ever writteneach one just 55 words long!

Compiled and Edited by Steve Moss

Illustrations b y Glen Starkey

RUNN I NG PRE SS
P H IL AD ELPHIA LONDON

 1998, 1995 by SLev<:: Moss

All rights reserved under the Pan-i\mcrican <1nd

International Copyright Convenrion~

Primed m the United States

ThiJ book may not be reprodwd in 11tolc or in pari, in any jrmn or by any means, electronic
or mrdxmica!, indudingphotocoppng, recording, or by an)' infomtation stomge and retrinldl
J)'Jtmt flOP.' Jmo)Jin or hereafter iYFJJmted, without writtm permiJJion fivm the pubhilxr.
9

8 7

Digit on rhe right indicates the number of rhis priming

Library of Congress Cacaloging-in-Publicarion Number 97-66805

ISBN 0-7624-0300-4
This book may be ordered by mall from che publisher.
Please include $2.50 for postage and handling.

But II)' your bookstorefi'ntl

Running Press Book Publishers
125 South Twcnry-sccond Srrw
Philaddphta, Pennsylvania 19103-4399

For my jathe~
Harry Waltet Moss)
a man of many words who
would nevertheless have
enjoyed this book.

C ONTENTS...

SPECI A L TH AN K.S
To Bev Johnson for bdievmg in me right from the starr, and for so
much more; and co John Kokor, who goc me starred one cold wimcr
day in Syracuse, NY (and I don't mean my car). Thanks also

to

Introduction ...

... 6

Alex

Zuniga, accomplice and art director extraordinaire; and to Roland

Sweet, man of many talents- both weird and otherwise-and fearless

W ith Murder in Mind ......... ... .... 11

champion of absurdities everywhere.

Thanks also to Robin Bell for her constant encouragements
and gracious help throughout; to Rich Udell of Harcourr Brace

Yes, Love Happens~ .. .... ........... _,_,_. 53

Jovanovich, Inc., who rook rime to help me lay the groundwork when
this was bm a fledgling idea; to M. Scott Radovich for his always usdul
counsel and good humor; to Ken Simon for reasons I can't pinpoinr
exactly, bur who somehow had a hand in all this; and to Dean Chri.ltianson and his many ralemed writing students over the years.
And thanks also ro Steve Rupp and Diane Urbani for their com
menrs and suggestions;

to

Tim Haggerty for his enthusiasm and

confidence when the project began;

chance with me way back when;

to

to

to

Sandy Young and Terry and Penny

Fu rther Voices . . ..................... 175

John Daniel for his unhesitating generosity and

encouragement, who poinred me in rhc righc direccion righc when I

needed ir.

Yonder ... .. . . ...... . ........ .. . .. .. . 141

Richard Jahnke, who rook a

Davies of rhe Earthling Bookshop for their years of helpful span

sorships; and

The Streets of the City ..... .... ...... 101

Fifty-Five Fiction: The Rules .. .. ... . . 217

Introduction

of 1987, ir was a gamble. I wasn't really sure writers could pull it off.
Admittedly, most stories sent ro us that year weren't very good, but
every now and then a riny gem would shihc up from the typewritten
page, submitted by someone who truly understood the genre. I've often
tried explaining these 55-word creations co people, but most of them
think I'm crazy. Now I have rhis book to show them, a collection culled
from the cop stories sem ro us over the years.

I NTRODUCTIO N

If you've already glanced through these pages, you know what I'm
talking about. You've probably also noticed that many stories have

something in common besides their stingy word count: the surprise

ow short can a srory be and S[ill be considered a story? Ch;ulcs

ending Many writers have sensed that wirh so litde ro work with, the

Schultz had an answer to char C]uescion several years ago in his

successful Fifty-Five Fiction short srory demands something extra to

"Peanuts" comic srrip. Crabby old Lucy was once asked by Linus to
pleas14-please, please tell him a srory. Lucy grudgingly obl iged. Said she:

'A man was born. He lived and died. The end.''

That's rhe shortest story I've ever read. Bur, like Lmus, I was left
somewhar dissatisfied.

create a satisfying payoff, and rhey have plotted rheir tales accordingly.
The famous "Twilight Zone" episode featunng Burgess Meredith
as a bespectacled bookworm who finds himself the sole survivor of a
nuclear holocaust, and who breaks his glasses amidst books aplenty,
could easily have been written as a Fifty-Five Fiction srory.

So maybe the question should be <~skeJ differently: How shon can

Fifty-Five Fiction is storytelling ar 1ts very leanest, where each

a story be and still be considered a good srory? \Vhat's the briefest pos-

word is chosen with utmost care on irs way to achieving its fullest effect.

sible narrative that still allows for a satisfying read? r chink I've found

It's whar 0. Henry might have conjured up if he'd had only the back of

the answer. A.nd since you'r~: holding this book in your hands right

a business card ro write upon, or what "T he T\.vilight Zone" would have

nov.r, that means you have, too.

been like if it were only a minme long. It's H. H. Munro's famous mini-

Consider for a moment that the paragraph you just finished read.ing conrains ex~~dy 55 words. Ir's an absurdly tiny number. No, it's an

shorr srorics written even smaller.

Fifty-Five Fiction is fanciful and murderous, speculative and

impossibly tiny number. So how could ir allow for any kind of scope or

absurd, creepy and touching, and just plain wild. But most of all,

qualityI All I know rs rhat's rhe length of a typical Fifty-Five Fierion

Fifry-Five Fiction is fun, which is exacdy what reading and writing

srory, and that it does. I also know that in the following pages, you'll find

are supposed ro be. \Vrirers more accustomed to stretching our

murder and suspense, horror and imrigue, love and betrayal, plus dis-

leisurely across the page would find ~:heir attempts at Fifcy-Five Fiction

tant worlds and inner demons. All in a measly 55 words.

frustrating.

'When I announced rhc first Flfry-Five Ficrion contest in the fall

James Michener would have a rime of it.

The World 's Shorte;;;t Stories

Introduction

Bur maybe not. Some vvho've taken the Fifty-Five Fiction chal-

Bur would Linus have. been satisfied after reading a Fifty-Five

lenge have later said chat the discipLne of making every word counr
easily transferred to their longer works, and char this righrly focused

Fiction story? Does such a stingy word counr allow for a really satisfying read? You already know what I think.

exercise in literary minirnalism ultimatdy hdpcd them write more

As James Thomas-whose srories had a limit of 750 words-said

judicious longer prose.

in rhe introduction

to

his "Flash Fiction" an thology (W W Narron

That's why Fifty-Five Fiction shouldn't be viewed as little more

& Co.), "Like all fiction that matters, their success depends nor on their

chan shorr-attention-span fiction for the MTV generation. Instead, it's

length, bur on their depth, their clarity of vision, their human signifi-

become a jumping-off point for new fiction writers testing the wacers

cance-the extenr to which the reader can recognize in. chem rhe real
stuff of real life."

of their imagmations when the water (not to mencion that empty page
in from of them) seems vast and iruimidacing. Many who began wrir-

I don't rhink I could say it any better.

mg Fifty-Five Fiction have gone on to successfully tackle much longer

All I know ts that Fifty-Five Ftction writers say ir shorter.

srories. I'd like to think at least one of them is now finishing up a first
novel-and that it's 555 pages long.

Sreve Moss

The challenge of Fifty-Five Fiction can be daunting. Paring plot

San Luis Obispo, CA

and narrative down co their utter essences and thinking hard abour

1995

each word and judging irs appropriateness are pan of rhe Fifty-Five
Fiction process. ft's difficult

to

describe to non-writers rhe imdlecrual

joy of the eHort, the emotional rush of creating something small, orderly,
and beautiful out of absolurely nothing.
Vlhen 0. Henry finished writing ''The Gift of the Magi," he must
have fdt something similar. No doubt H. H. Munro did, roo, when he
completed his cla.1sic mini-story, "The Open Window:"
One thing I didn't expect was thar wriring instructOrs would rake
a fancy

to

Fifty-Five Fiction. Bm rhey have. I've received letters of

praise- and hundreds of student samples- from both high school and
college teachers who've been using ir regularly and enthusiastically over
the years. One creativc-\ovriring teacher put it this v.ray: "The srudcms
have learned word economy, editing skills, and rhe basic essentials of the
short story in a very simple and easy-co-cake manner. And

to

cop it off,

ir was fun."

1V i tl1

Ivlu:cde :c
in Ivlind.
* * *

With Murder in Mind

BEDTIME STORY

.!

..

. I

: :J

..

"C

areful, hon_e)~ it's loaded:" he said,

re-entering the bedroon1.

-~,.

Her back rested against the headboard.

"This for vour
vvife?"
I
'~No.

Too chancy I'rn .hii-ing a

professional."
"How about me?"

He sn1irked. "Cute. But. who'd be

dumb enough to hire a lady )1it rnan?"
She \Vet her lips, sighting along
the barrel.
"Your \vife."
JEFFREY WHITMOR E

'

........ . ,

. .
"

.: .,...

..

~:-.

:..

.,

...... -

. ;!

:.

~--

J',.

13

With Murder in Mind

The World's Shortest Stories

MuRDER Musr
AD\TERTI SE

ACCIDENTS
R egma!d Cooke had buried chree wives
before he n1arried Cecile Northwood.
"Tragic accidents," he told her.
"Ho\v sad," replied Cecile. "Were they
. . . V\realthy?"
~t\.nd bcatttiful," said Reginald.
They honeymooned in the Alps.
Later, Cecile told her ne\v husband'
"You know; darling, n1y first husband died
in a tragic mountaineering accident."
"How sad," replied Justin Marlo\v.
..,_(. -.

wide adventurer seeks female for candle-

h't dinner ...

Shivering \Vith anticipation, Laur~
enters the secluded beach estate. She rings .
The door swings open . . . .
By candlelight, piranhas jerk and
devour the last chunks of flesh and blond
hair.
"That's nineteen,t) coos Lucretia,
applying Law-a's burgundy lipstick. "My
nevv wardrobe'll kill 'en1!"

MA RK C OHEN

Fe1nal~

munlerou.rb'fashionabl~ seeks
adventuresome male...
L.

14

1~

J.

B A RN ET T

Th e World's Shor t e st Stori es

Dwn breaks in two.

o amn.
I liked Dawn. Nice girl. Weak back,
though.

Oh, well.
H ave
. ' to burv her somewhere. In the
.

basen1en~n1aybe?

What's that?

Dusk arrives. She's earlv

j

Too early. Have to kill her roo.

Too bad.

Nice girl.
Guess I'll be busy tonight.
From Dusk to Da\vn.
BRU CE H ARMOR

16

The World's Shortest Storie s

DEATH AND
DENOUEMENT

''n
~tty grisly; eh Jacques?"

With Murder in Mind

THE U NDE R STU DY

"~

l.he show must go on," said the

director when the star dropped dead

"Sickening. Any angles?" .

"\Vell, a pattern does seem to be
e1nerg.ing, lieutenant. Yesterday, homicide
found a copy of Death ofa Sales1nan at the
1nurder site; today, so1ne nut goes and
vvhacks this Fuller Brush guy"
"Great. A llterarv
serial killer. Find
I
any books?,

"Yes ... The French Lieutenants

moments before act one. The star, not the

understudy; would play the corpse tonight.
The understudy changed quickly. His
perfonnance vvas inspired. The star \Vas
flawless in his final role.
The understudy; fingering the syringe
in his pocket, bowed to thunderous
applause.
SHEREE PELLEMIER

'{;{;6man,'.'sir."
JoE HUI3JHL L

18

19

With Murder in Mind

DE ATH IN THE
AFTERNOON

"C

orne out from behind the u-.ee:

Louie, so I can spray your brains all over."

"You don'c _have the guts to pull
the trigger."
''I've got 1nore guts than you're gonna
have brains.''
"You've got peanuts for brains, Toni'

Bang/
".. . and anothcr.I"

Bang/
"Louis! Tony! Supper!"

"Co1n1n,
. 'Mom.I"
PRISC iLLA MtNTLI:\iG

21

1\ ,

1 , 1 1, c~ 1\ N Y c ) N

he

newlywed heiress oozed, "Poopsy,

rhe sign reads, 'Clairvoyant Canyon.

Call Out a Question. \A!ait for Ansvvering Echoes.',

SORR Y

ASKED

"I

r's a dark night, honey"

She v.nirled to meet the tall man

trapping her against her cat~
"So -vvhat do you do, baby?"

Overhanging a guardrait she called,

"-boes he .love n1c?"

"-Does he? Does he?" can1e the echo.

Discon1ficed, she rrjed agajn. "Is
unhappiness behind me?"

Her arm slashed a silver arc to his

throat. His shriek became a gurgle.
She flung the scalpel on the floorboard,
and driving away, said to the \vrithing
figure: 'Tm a surgeon."
W .D . MILLER

"-Behind you, behind you-" ir

'

prognosticated, just before her new

J .-...

beneficiary shoved.
.I

CURT H OMAN

22

23

The Wor l d~ Sh orte st Stories

OU T O F T HE

Lyn

Foe .

clutched her purse as foorsteps

approached along the fog shrouded lane.

Emily; a fellovv prostitute, e1n erged.

'Any business?" asked Lyn.

E1nily shrugged. "Son1e. And you?"
"Not yec, tonight."
"'Tis slow because of The Ripper,"

Emily sighed. "Seems. everyone's afraid

of Jack."
1\.ctually; the full na1ne's 'Jacquelyn,'"
Lyn said, pulling the knife fro1n her purse.
CURT Ho.IviAN

24

The World~ Sho~test Storie s

With Mur der in Mind

ONE RAINY N IGHT

TH E MYSTERY

ain obscured the Georgia country

road. Jody, driving a stolen truck, braked

"Y

ou needn't look so s1nug, Watson."

"Sorry, Holmes. It's just that I believe

suddenly for a \Vhite-unifornled hitchl1iker

you're finally stun1ped. You'll never unravel

vvho clin1bed into che cab gasping, "My car

this crime."
Hohnes stood up and gestured

broke do-vvn!"
. "You a doctorF

"Right."

"The asylurn?" asked criminally insane

Jody; who'd just fled from there.
''Yes:" hed murderous William, who'd

en1phaticaUy wit.b the stem of his pipe.

'Tm afraid you're wrong. I do kno\v
\vho killed Mrs. Worthington."
"Incredible! No witnesses! No clues!

Who did it?"

"I did, Watson."

just escaped from prison.

TOM FoRD

;.1: ...

.......

26

DoLOR EZ

RourF.

27

With hlurder in Mind

I N T 0 T f-I E N I G H T
Look, smile, teeth, lips, voice, sexy car,
feel~

apartment, couch, rnusic, dance, lights,

.....

drink., n1oist; dry; soft; firn1, fast: slo\v, caS)~

hard, leg, knee~ chigh, shoulders, breast,
fingers, silky; rough, breath, living roon1,
bedroon1, bathroom, kitchen, basement,

bed, pillow; sheets: shovler, cigarette, coffee,

stockings; brassiere, dress, shin, naked, . .
rattle, door, husband, scramble, kill,
clothes, \Vindow:
DTCK SKEEN

29

~~~----------------~---- ---

The World~ Shortest Stories

With Murder in Mind

GOURMET
C01v1ESTIBLES

DECE MBER

8, 1980 ,

5:59P.M.

,,

II
I
I
I

W
ithy Mrs. W igdswortlls eyes
glcan1ed when she ordered tender fillet of
filly fron1 Pat R. Hamn1, proprietor of
Gourn1et Co1nescibles, for a dinner party
honoring the police chief.

She closed the history book and sighed.

"That General Custer. He should never
have left the safety of the Dakota territory"
He vvas in too n1uch of a hurry to
listen. He picked up his guitar and headed

When her daughter didn't shovv up, the

for the door.

chid protnised to find her. He did.

"Bloody hdt Yoko. Lee's go. Vle're going

Mr. Hamm \Vas arrested.

co be late."
DAvro CoNGALT ON

The chief had indigestion.

Mrs. W igelsvvorch became a vegetarian.
DOLOR EZ ROUPE

I.
I
I
I

.I
30

31

The World's Short e st Stories

FINAL WITNESS
Pandemonium erupted. The next witness
was walking through the courtroom doors.
"Order in the court!" the judge
bello\ved, ciacking his gavel.

All eyes focused on Tommy, who -vvas

sitting on the stand, his rnouch open

in shock.

r(was quite obvious now who'd

murdered his wife.
Noone.

C A NDICE C. MUTSCHLER

32

The World's Shortest Stories

With Murder in Mind

MALICE
AFORETHOUGHT

GRANDMA MEETS
THE Ax MURDERER

"Y

ou stuck hin1 good, Zack Right

' t e crazed ax-murderer approached

betvveen the ribs. Beautiful." Bobbv

. shifted.

the house. Having ravaged the entire

vv.incing as the handcuffs pinched.

neighborhood, his sack of booty was

'

"vVhaddy 1nean, I stuck hin1?" grunted

Zack, his knees pressed against the cage. "I

tried to stopyou!"
w\Vh,z vou filrhv liar-"
J ; .,'

Alone inside, the old woman sat

stained ax and rang the porch doorbell.

./

tnirror. "Hev; pal, \Vho you talkin' to

'

almost full.
knitting. The Inurderer raised his 'blood-

The officer peered into his rear-vie\v

.

'

'

back there?"
MIKE PHILLIPS

Slovvly, she opened the door and peered

into his face.
"Trick or treat!" the little boy shouted.
'

DIANE ELLIOT T

34

35

' l'}

... ..

-"'

. ... ~.;;.# '.

.,

. .

With Mu~de~ in ~ind

..

~!

'

'

'

'

.
'

. .

R oADI<- I LL

'

-''H

ey, Dad, 1' r.:n joining a scavenger

--.-

hunt ronighd"
"Sounds fun, son."
"There's a rurnor we'll have LO find at
kast one roadkill!''

"A roadkill? Grossr'

..So could 1 borrovv the. car?"

"... Okay."
.. Dad, its so nice out this evening, you
oughta go for a walk!"
"... Hrorrun. Think 1 -vvilL Sec you
,
1.atcr.
"For sure!"
I

'3 7

The World's Shortest Stories

.~

With Murder in Mind

I
ON T H E Bus

.Were

Since h1S.Rira's brutal murder, Carrer

does she get off not allowing

sits at the vvindo\v

her eyes tomeet n1ine? Why this childish .

No television, reading, correspondence.

game? Everyone on the bus is \Vatching.

His life is whatever passes outside those

\\!here does she get off ignoring that

curtains.

"certain something" between us? She'll

.He doesn't care to leave the room, or

know who furnishes meah pays bills. His

\vorld is joggers, changing seasons, passing

cars, Rica's ghost.

Carter doesn't realize padded cells don't

learn the price when I follow her hon1e.

\A/here docs she get off thinking she's

coo good for me?

Sixteenth Avenue.
J ANE 0 RV IS

have windo\vs.
J A N E O RV I S

I
I

l
38

39

..
The World's Short est Storie.s

THE MAGI C.J AN A.N D

Hi s Ass i STANT
Carmine the Magnificent could not

believe Nina \vas cheating on hin1. Filled

wich anget~ he planned his revenge.
Nina cra\vled into the box on stage for
their finale. Carmine the :Nfagnificent was

indeed magnificent as he \vorked his

magic. When the last sword pierced the

box, there -vvas a cold shriek

'!\bra-cadaver!" exdaitned Carmine.
M AR THA J ARA

40

The World's Shortest Sto:ries

With Murder in Mind

I WANT TO REPORT

WINDIGO

A.N ACCIDENT

"C

elia, it's all your fault. You'll find

utside rhe blizzard raged, while

inside the fire hissed and popped. He sat

my bloated body in the pool. FarewelL

\Vatching the flames dance.

Umberto."

Frozen they found hin1 \vith dismem-

She stun1bled out, the note in her fist,

bered lin1bs stacked nea dy in the fireplace.

and saw me, floating face do\vn, like a

I
[

In darkened rooms above lay the bodies

giant fly marooned in Jeli-0.

I
I

vVhen she leapt to rescue me, and

remembered she couldn't swim, I got our.

I
.I

of his \vifc and children. Crimson-orbed

eyes of Windigo, the essence of n1adness,
glowed faintly in the shado\vs.

-Convict 338412
.._, ...

L A RRY

TOM FORD

42

43

J. } U HL

With Murder in Mind

SPLIT PER SONA LIT Y

H e was gorgeous. She was thrilled.
But puzzled.
"\tVhy were your other relationships so

shortt' she vvondercd aloud as they walked.

He glanced upward.

''Well, I have this slight problem ..."

Later, the detective grimaced at the

ghastly sight of the young girl, bloody be~

neath the full 1noon.

In the distance, a v.;olf ho\vled.

45

The World's Shortest Stories

With Murder in Mind

lv1INDY

HIDE AND SEEK

V Valk vou out, Mindv?"

"N

"No thanks, I'll be okay"

Ready or not, here l corner'

"""\ 1 T
I

inety-nine, one hundred!

I hate being "it," but ahvays find thetn

.At her car:, an elderly lady asked

easier. Entering a darkened roon1, I

for help.

,;v,hisper to the hiders there, "Oily; olly, oxen

"Honey; nTy jumper cables are in the

back sear."
Mindy couldn't find them.

"You sure thev're

here?''
i

free ..."
Thev follovv me home, dovvn tnirrored
j

A man's voice answered.

corridors where, too often, I see the black

cowl and scythe of my own reflection.

"No ... but vou

are."
.:

CU RT HO MAN

The g~ard never noticed the silver vvig

in the et~;pty parking lot.
PHI L N AS H

JOE HUBB ELL

46

47

The World's Shortest Stories

BLOOD SURE

"C

an you keep a secret, Em?"

"Sure.,

"Blood sure?"
"Look, Ty-"
"Oh, I forgot. .Doctor. Ever since you left
the holler, you's better' n us kinfolk and

our v;.rays.

Emmett sighed, then extended his

palm. He winced as his brother's blade

.grev:.r red.
"\Vhac secret?"

Blood trickled frorn bet\veen their

thumbs .

. "Em ... I got AIDS, man."

JoE HUBBELL

48

''H

The \'i'orld's Shortest Stories

With Murder in Mind

BIRD Ti\LI<

BREAK~
IN THE CASE

enry;" 1nimed rhe parrot as the cwo

"E

police1nen considered the body spra\vled

. in the pool of blood.

ight stab vvounds, eight corpses, zero

dues," sighed the inspector, driving

"Henry, no," squawked the bird.

through the night rain. "He's neat,

One officer vvalked to the desk and

gla.hced at the dead n1an's appointn1enr

. 1 d "9 30
. ,,
book . "$,I ,pC' .<I'"
_:. i\.1\!f.
1) enc1rc e

efficient."
The criminologist polished his glasses.
"Yes. Also slight, lefr-handed, 1nyopic.

"Henry-don't/" shrieked the parrot.

Loves Beethoven. And I kno\v his

"So ho\iV n1any Henrys this guy knmv?"

"Just one."

\vhereabouts."

Sco r r D.

I-

SHAW

Screech of brakes.
"Where?" cried the inspector.
"Here," said the other, grinning hugely
as he slainmed h01ne the blade.
\'V IL L.IAM E. BLUND ELL

50

51

The World's Shortest Stories

THAT SETTLES THAT

Tom was a handsome, fun-loving young
1nan, albeit a bit drunk when he got in co

Yes,
J.Jove
Happens_

the argun1enc vvith Sam, his roon.1mace of

just tvvo tn onchs.

"You can't. You can not \vrite a short

story in just 55 \Vords, you idiot!"

Sam shot hi1n dead on the spoc.
"Oh, yes you can," Sam said, smiling.
T ERRY

L.

T!LTO::"J
I

I
52

* * *

The World's Shortest Stories

O N THE R EBOUND

"\1 T

VVhy?"

' It's over: Angela. Done."

"Bur I need you!"

"Needed 111e," George corrected.
'Tll die without vou'"
j

George patted her hand. "You'll live,

dear girl. Rathet~ knowing you, I'd say

... thrive."

He stood, kissed her, \Vas gone.

Sniffling, Angela \Vatched him pass
their waiter. So handsome! She hadn't
noticed.
''Excuse ... me?" she caHed shyly.
MARY BETH HDNNR SSY

54

!
The World's Shortest Stories

THE AFFAIR

"R

oses are re~ 'Piolets are blue. I hate your

husband and so do )'OU. lvfeet me at eight >>
Sarah tore the note up.
"Hev, vvhat's that?" Stu asked.
J

"Notes for tonight's rneeting."

"You been goin' co lots of thern things

lately," he sneered. "What's it tonight?

Savin' the goddamn -vvhales?"
"No," she smiled. "Popular1on control."
SUZANNE CAPLE T'fE CHAMPEAU

I N TI-1E

GARDEN

Sranding there il). the garden, she S,l\\

hin1 running tO\vard her.
"Tina! lvly flower\ The love of my tik!"
He'd said it at last.

"Oh, .7"'om.t"
"Tina, rny flower\"

"Oh, Tom! I love you, too/"

Tom reached her, knelt dovvn, and
quickly pushed her aside.
((Myjlmver! You \vere standing on my
prize.:.winning rose/"

H OPE A. T ORRE\

57
56

Yes, Love Happens

TH E DREAM

As

a child, she dreamt

of

wolves.

They chased her each night for one year.

She ran and -vvas never caught.
Later,, she 1net a 1nan.
. Plavful and
~~

protective. Sharp teeth, soft fur.

She still dreams of wolves.

But now; as they lope through her

drea1ns, she runs -vvith them.
SHER EE PELLEME I E R

59

Yes, Love Happens

The World's Shortest Stol'ies

THE BEGINNING

he

phone rang again. She closed her

He

PILGRINI's TAL E
cmcrcd sheepishly and knelt at his

vvife's bedside.

eyes and sighed.

Part of her \Vanted to give in to his
adulterous fantasy She t\visted the gold
ring on her finger and looked at the clock.
Bob vvouldn't be home until eleven. She

n1e! Can you ever forgive me?"

She vvas flushed. "Yes, John. Love is
forgiveness."
1\ngel!" He kissed her forehead,

slowly picked up the receiver.

"Once," she said to hin1. "But never
. "
again.

"Priscilla, dearest, she meant nothing to

grabbed his n1usket, and left, slamtning xhe

front door.

D AVTD

DEVos

Priscilla leaned over the bed's edge to

peer beneath.

".Nliles," she beckoned.

CURT HOMAN

60

61

The World~ Shortest Storie s

THE S A LON VI S I T

";\
f i n}'lay," the \Voman in the chair
continued, "his vvife's sogullible/ Bill
alvvays says he)s going bowling; she ahvays
believes hin1!"

The beautician sn11led. "My husband

William loves bo\vling.)>

Never used to ... Goes all the time now ...

She paused, frovvning.

Then a slow, bitter smile emerged.
"Let's start on your perm. You're gonna

look unforgettable."
ELT:!.ABETH Et.:LA

.:.-...

.'

62

. Yes, Love Happens

The World's Shortest Stories

I
I

LoUNGE ANGEL

Bare

choked on his Corona when two

fe1nale legs disappeared beneath his table.

Glorious lips spoke:

. I

he

lovers found... the genie's lamp on

,...

the beach.
.
"For freeing rne," said the genie, "I will
...,-;,.

grant you each a -vvish."

Looking into the bois eyes~ the girl

''\;Vh.at do you do?"

He sold cars.
"I produce Broadvvay plays."
"Oh-I'd hoped you \Verethis beautiful
drearner I once rnet on a car lot," she said

said, "I wish -vve could be lovers until the

end of the vvorld."
Looking out to sea, the boy said, "I

\Vish the -vvorld \vould end."

leaving.

He called vvork
Quit.
And follovved her into the night.
RUSTY EV.--\NS

65
64

Yes, Love Happens

WERLING

Wling

Werner was witless.

Wichout \vorrying \vhether wife Wiln1a

was \vorking, Werling wasted vvampum
v;illfully Worthless Werling vvas workless.
When Werling woke vvonde.ring vvhat
wife \Vilma vvas \vanting, we wondered
why Werling ~ranted women. Werling
was without wisdmn. Women want
warmth. \Vilma vvas wet. vVerJing
Werner's vveenie was \Vorthless. Wilma
\vent without. Woe \vas Werling.
G L F. N ST :\ R K E"Y

67

Yes, Love Happ ens

Tl:le World's Shortest Stories

RITE S OF PASSAG E

SECON D CH ANCE

e'd known h er since she was very

H is love had gone In despair, he flung

himself off che Golden Gate Bridge.

young. She \.Vas the tnost beaut1~:pl girl in

Coincidentally; a fe\V yards away a girl

made her o\v n suicide plunge.

rhc -vvorld., and he loved her deeply. Ac one

cirne he had been her idol. Nov1 he vvas

Their eves n1et.

losing her to another 1nan.

Eyes glistening, he kissed her cheek

Their chemistry clicked.

softly then sn1iled as he gave her avvay co

The two passed in rnidair.

I

the grootn.

Ic-vvas true love.

-.

M ARK TURN ER

They realized it.

Three feet above che \Vater.
]AY BoN ESTE LL

68

69

The Woxld's Shortest Stories

THE OLD AND

THE RESTLESS

Mom. 76 and alone. suddenly decided

to visit Europe. \\lith Jean, she told us.
My brother and I thought, okay~
\Ve
can railroad Mon1 into Happy Haven as
'

./

plantied; later.
lvleanwhile, vve roamed the vast estate,
happily discussing arrange1nenrs.

Then ca1ne the postcard.

"Marrying Gene in Paris! He's only 64
and a doll! Love, Ivfom. ''
ANNE G. PHILLIPS

70

Yes, Love Happens

The World's Shortest Stories

THE ONCE AND

FUTURE BEACH

AT AN
APEELING PARTY

He

"0

refused to be married without her.

that babe."
"Perfectly shaped breasts," said Jim.

He checked his watch again.

"You think she'll come?"

'A_nd what a tan!"

"God, I love girls in bikinis."

"Sure, I spoke to her answering

machine."
He paced. ''I'm only doing this once.

A bronzed college boy lying nearby

whispered, "Jerry; listen to those fat ___ __

She'd better show"

"Relax, she'll make it."

old guys."
"Yeah . . . guess they've got nothing
better to-do than-oh, mama, Tim, would

. Then they heard cheers and whistles

outside.
The stripper entered, smiling.
"H.1, guys.!"

h, mama," Larry sa1d. "Look at

you look at that babe."

''

The bachelor party could begin.

D A MON You NGE R

72

'l
f
!
'

73

EDWA RD E . GOTO

Yes, Love Happens

RENDEZVOUS

he

phone rang.

"Hello," she whispered.

"Victoria, it's me. Meet me by the dock
at midnight."
''I'll be there, sweetheart."
'And don't forget the bubbly; babe,"
he said.
"I won't, darling. I want you tonight."
"I can't wait!" he said, and hung up.
She sighed, then smiled.
"I wonder who that was," she said.
NI C HOLE WEDDLE

75

Yes, Love Happens

The World's Shortest Stories

THE DANCE
LIIZE Two SHIPS
H e shufflesto my locker. Skinny Stev
H e entered the elevator.

with the zits. Yuck! Probably wants to ask

"Ground floor, please," he said.

He sounds nice, she thought, but he
wouldn't notice me.
He noticed. He noticed her standing

... ~

me to the dance. My last chance. Oh, well.

Better than being a wallflower, like Jenny
Deep breath. "Hi, Steve."

there, eyes straight ahead. But he didn't

"Hi, Sue."
"You wanted to ask me so1nething?"

blame her.
Nice perfume, he thought as they

Even his zits blushed.

"I wondered ... do you have Jenny's

parted, he lightly stroking his disfigured

face, she counting the steps to the
wa1t1ng van.

phone number?"

JOY JOLISSAIN T

CHRIS MACY

77
76

The World's Shortest Stories

MASTER THIEF
Coins. Nickels, pennies, shining dollars.
Inspecting purses, browsing pockets,
poking couches. Everything moves from
my long fingers into my deep pockets.
Fell in love once. Beautiful meter 1naid.
-- ...

__

Begged her to stay She awoke first; cleaned

me out. Boxes of quarters, bags of dimes.
Left a note.
"Baby; collecting's my life. Never
could change."
CATHERINE
- -_<:..,.

78

E.

McD ONALD

Yes, Love Happ e ns

The World's Shortest Stories

JUST DESSERT S

WINDS OF CHANGE

Martha hungered for sex, not a

On the South Wind, she came into

sundae. At 300 pounds, she'd ~~en settling

his heart. From the West Wind, he

for too little. Sighing, she closed the menu.

learned about her mind. The East Wind

The very thin man saw this and ap-

taught him of her spirit.

proached.
He explained that since he'd stopped

Then the weather changed and all the

winds blew at once, creating a great, rising

having sex, he couldn't eat.

She said that since she'd not, she

circular storm, and she left him on the

North Wind, his heart covered with ice.
RICHAR D

M.

couldn't stop.
They left together in anticipatory bliss.

SH A RP

REB ECCA

81

80

L.

CONNE R

The World's Shortest Stories

LEFT AT THE ALTAR

Yes, Love Happens

PHOTOGRAPHER's
REGRETS

Ocar, shy to the bone, yet determined

to make Bertha his wife, kneeled on his

Looking back now, I see you swaddled

wooden leg, asking, "Will you be mine?"

Bertha, rubbing his leg with a sand-

in white sheets, your hair hopelessly

paper sheet, answered, "Only if you'll get

this-thing varnished for the wedding."
Later, when asked why he didn't marry
Bertha, Oscar answered, "Because I
didn't lacquer."
DONALD

G.

WALLACE

tangled and your necklace faintly glinting

gold between your breasts. Telltale picture;
the manifest image of all my desires in
sharp focus and staring back at me.
God, how I wish I'd never tripped
the shutter.
Sometimes it's better to forget.
D. BooN

82

83

Yes, Love Happens

LOVE
Brenda promised the horizontal hokeypokey if he wore a chicken suit_;:tnd spoke
French. Wayne sewed and studied for

six months.
l(nocking on her door, he was one
sharp bird who could conjugate like a
Parisian in heat.
Brenda greeted him with the news-she
was now into vegetables and Swahili.
Love is cruel.
DANIEL

85

J.

EGGERT

Yes, Love Happens

The World's Shortest Stories

GALILEO

You CAN NEVER

Go BACK~

It was another sun-drenched day at

the Cove.
She was definitely a California girl.
Blonde, beautiful, tanned.
She had freckles, as the midnight sky
has constellations. On her right thigh, the
Pleiades. On her left, Orion's belt. The

Fve years ago she plucked a dandelion

and a bindweed blossom from the grass at

the mobile home park Now they're
pressed between the pages of an old
Moffat's Bible marking the 23rd Psalm.
She never thinks about that day she

Milky Way was splashed across her

handed him the tiny flowers. He can

shoulders and face.

And he longed to be an astronaut.

never forget.
J AY B ONES TELL

TIM HAR TW IG

86

87

The World's Shortest Stories

Yes, Love Happens

Two NIGHTS THAT

PASS IN THE CHIPS

second night that week they pushed

their carts into opposite ends of the "Chips

and Dips" aisle.

MOMENT OF
DECISION
She could

alm~st hear the pri..<;Qn door

clanging shut.
Freedom would be gone forever, control

As they neared, their prepared conversational gambits dissolved into mutual

diffidence.

of her own destiny gone, never to return.

Wild thoughts of flight flashed through
her mind. But she knew there was no

He pretended interest in chips; she

feigned absorption in dips.

escape . .
She turned to the groom with a smile

They passed in silence.

and repeated the words, "I do."

Glancing over their shoulders, both

TINA MILBURN

thought hopelessly: Next week,

"Vegetables."
CURT HOMAN

88

89

The World's Shortest Stories

Yes, Love Happens

SCHATCHEN

l(IM

"I .

can find my own dates," Aaron

Our

first-grade class raced across the

grassy field during recess. I(im with the

remembered saying.
Playing matchmaker had been his
mother's only fault. He winced now as dirt

pretty smile and the golden ponytail and I

were fast.
Once we raced across her yard. I don't

hit her coffin.

--Mos that beautiful redhead ... afriend

remember who won.

I<im died a few years later of some

ofMoms?
Tess would have come to the funeral
even without the promise she'd made to
the dying woman she'd nursed during her

disease that I couldn't pronounce.

I run with Kim, even now.
RoBERT

final days.
~;

..,. ...

ANNETTE AMIR

90

91

M.

DoMINGUEZ

The W9rld's Shortest Stories

Now
Sandra towel-dried her hair on the
veranda. The briny smell of the ocean
lingered in the breeze.
Inside, the shower was still running.
She thought about Pete and the kids.
That life seemed years ago. Wasn't that
the American dream? Would they
understand?
"I loved watching you swim," said
I(athy; handing Sandra the hairbrush.
R AE SILVE R

92

The World's Shortest Stories

Yes, Love Happens

SMELL THE RosEs

THE WISH

-wding fever. Invitations mailed

h e evening glow behind the fog

But he's acting strange. Then, a quarrel.

faded as the two walked the almost-

He says it's over. Tells her to go. Tearfully,

deserted beach.
''I'll never understand women."

she writes cancellations.

"But, why?" she asks. "Why?"

"Do you really want to?"

A week passes. And another. She

"Yes, I do. I truly do."

misses him terribly She goes to his

"Oh, all right."

apartment and knocks.

She whispered into his ear; under-

She hears his voice. "Hey, Honey,

standing crystallized in his eyes like

broken glass.

answer the door, will ya?"

MARY ZENDER

He ran screaming into the night.

Ro ss

94

95

P A R S ON S

Yes, Love Happens

The World's Shortest Stories

FoR

BRIEF
INTERMISSION

HIM AND THE

A.M. DARI<:NESS

"I

'm drowning."

H e was young, Hispanic, handsome,

"You're not. You're safe."

and macho.
She was white, Protestant, divorced, and

'Tm falling."
"N,
0.

on the cusp of hormonal decline.

And vve lay in the silences, his voice

They worked in the kicchen of a luxury

hotel and made quick sex inside the
pantry during wedding banquets.
Afterward, her thighs would slip past
each other as she served up trays of

rambling in the surrounding darkness,

miles away, until I fell asleep once more.
In the morning, I was alone. I cradled
the phone in my arms and tried to find
hitn again.
KI MBERLY A. H ANNA H

steamed oysters.
I RIS A L EXA N DRA

96
-

---

- - - - -

97

Yes, Love Happens

'

FIRST ENCOUNTER

.,.

~.~]1
'

~
1 '

She had reservations. Lots of them

She thought the personal ads were for

;,.

losers. But she was terribly lonely and

maybe, just maybe ...
She placed the ad. The most promising
answer arrived early. And now, here she
was, waiting at the restaurant for a
stranger with a rose in his lapel.
"Daddy? Is that you?"

ARTHUR

99

L.

WILLARD

The World's Shortest Stories

FAST TALI(ER

"-c'

1--.ifty-five," she whispered to him.

"Fifty-five miles per hour?"
"No, words/ That's all we've got/ Hurry!

('\ _L

Please/"
Perspiration trickled down his neck; he
stepped harder on the accelerator.
"But ... there's so much I want to tell
you! So much that hasn't been said!"
"Ten," she murmured.
J.en.?"

"'""1:

J..~e

"Will you marry me?"

1es.I,

"\J.::

SYLVI A R E I C HMAN

100

tl1.e
City

of~

* * *

"Six."

_L

The Streets of the Cit y

THE LAND
OF THE FREE

Em their bench, Buzz and Little Joe

take in the activity of boardwalk life.
"A little of everything, eh?"
Buzz nods.
"Yeah, summertime in Venice Beach."
"Sure beats summertime in Vietnam."
"Let it rest, will ya? It's history"
"We shoulda won."
"Yeah, right ... sleepin' under the pier?"
"Got a bottle?"
"Most of one."
"Let's go."
STEVE KELLY

103

The World's Shortest Stories

ON

THE

5:25

SUBURBAN

He

sat facing her.

"I got fired today They said I'm

The Streets of the City

HEADED FOR
TRO UBLE
h e scantily

cla~ hitchhiker kndw she

was in trouble the n1oment she stepped

into the car.

unstable."
She sat there silently He turned
away; looking at the slanting rain. His
lips trembled.
"Nobody seems to care," he said.
Later at dinner, her friend asked,

The driver gazed disapprovingly at her

costume. "Looking for some fun?"
"No ... I'm just going to the beach."
"Think so? Well, I've got other
plans for you, sweetie, and they don't
include beaches."

'Anything wrong?"
Her fingers danced as she signed:

"Guess I'm grounded, huh Mom?"

"That-man-on-the-train. He-looked-upset."
MARK CoHEN

104

105

The World's Shortest Storie s

GRATITUDE
h

e street lights were a warm welcome

from the oncoming chill of darkness.

The park bench's curvature felt familiar
under his tired old spine.
The wool blanket from the Salvation
Army was comfortable around his
shoulders and the pair of shoes he'd found
in the dutnpster today fit perfectly
God, he thought, isn't life grand.
ANDREW E. HUNT

106

The Streets of the City

The World's Shortest Stories

DISTRESSED

IN THE BAR

"r-r
iake the bimbo on the end."

ey say evil W()ars no face. Indeed,

"No ... I don't want her."

there \vas no etnocion on his face..No

"Why not?"
"She's obviously the reject."

flicker of empathy as he inflicted still more

"Why do you say that?"

or the panic on my face?

pain. Couldn't he see the terror in my eyes

He calmly; even professionally; con-

"I don't know."

"You think she deserves more?"

tinued his dirty work, and then glibly

"''res.,,

spoke: "Rinse, please."

DAN ANDREWS

"Rea11y.)"
"Definitely."
"Being over forty is harder than
I thought."
"No, it hones a person's tastes."
"What if I take her, then?"
EMILY TI LTO N

108

109

The Streets of the City

~ r. :. :. t>

PATROL

I,-

'

'

O n a side street he sat, continuing his

nightly vigil.
With the dome light on, he read
headlines of the newspaper propped
against the steering wheel. The radio
blared, calling his number. The dome light
went off, replaced by the red and blues.
Hoping not to make headlines himself,
he pulled into the night.
TI MOTHY GRAF

111

The World's Shortest Stories

The Streets o f the City

LATE SNACK~

THE MILLIONDOLLAR PARTY

Billy the burglar enjoyed short workw h his last

ing hours.
Early one n1orning he crawled beneath

~ollar Charlie won the

$10,000,000 lottery The celebration that

a barrier to enter a house. He removed

followed with his street friends lasted two

small, valuable articles and piled them in

weeks, during which Charlie died from

his car.

over indulgence.

His last trip inside was for a snack in

The state claimed his millions, but his

front of the television where he fell asleep

name will live forever on Main Street as-

in the tented, soon-co-be-fumigated house.

the greatest parry-giver ever known.

. . .What was his name?

DoLOREZ RouP E

112

113

DI C K SKEEN

The World's Shortest Stories

JUST ONE TAKE

"I

diot!" The location director screamed

at the prop 1naster. "Can't you remember

anything? Now vv-e'll have to use real beer

in the shot."
The aging actor seated at the
downtown bar selected for this, the film's
final day of shooting, looked down at his
trembling hands.
Pray for 20 takes, he thought.
DEAN CHRISTIANSON

114

The World 's Shorte s t

Stories

THE ORDEAL

The Streets of t he Cit y

No

WORDS LEFT

She hated theml All of rheml Their

Alzheimer's was killing his father. He

masks-hid not their glee, as their groping

held the door at the restaurant as ris father

hands held her down-for him.

shuffled in for Sunday breakfast.. An older

The pain and blood were unbearable.

Still, he persisted, forcing her.

Her screams only encouraged him. She

gentleman inside helped, whispering,

"You're a good boy" to the son.
After his father died, he always

knew not to deliver meant certain death.

remembered those words, knowing his

Finally; satisfied, he said, "It's a boy."

father would have said them hin1self if

ToM McGRANE

11 6

he could have.

E.

117

K A R L FOU L K JR .

The Streets of the Cit y

IT

WAs A YEAR

Aco

slight breeze blew as Doug stood

staring do-vvn at Joey

"Hello, Joey," said Doug.
Silence surrounded the two of them.
"Joey, I'm sorry I didn't mean it. I
didn't. And, Joey-Merry Christmas."
Doug placed a rose on Joey's tOinbstone
and walked away
"Can you ever forgive me," he asked, "for
driving home drunk?"
GRACE CA G U I MBAGA

119

The World's Shortest Stories

EL

MUERTO

feel cold in this darkness.

Earlier tonight a delivery on a dark

The Streets of the Cit y

HIDE AND SEEK

A t last he would really show them.
He'd picked the very best place to -hide.

road would earn me $5,000 for a short

They'd all say he could play the game

night's work

better chan anyone. When theyfound

Paco was there, but something went

wrong.

him, they'd clap their hands.

The dopes. How dumb can they gee?

I a1n out in the glaring light. A man in

white reads my name from a tag on my
toe. I cannot answer.

They should have looked here first!

It's so obvious!
Here in the abandoned refrigerator.

T OM 0D E N C RANS
DOUGLAS

120

] 21

L.

H ASKINS

The World~ Short es t Storie s

SOBER INTELLIGENCE

watched some fool stumble out of

the bar and into a car When he swerved

down the road, I pulled him over and
adn1inistercd a field test that proved
nothing.
H e requested a blood test; there \Vas no
alcohol in his blood.
"What's your gan1e, pal?"
(Tm the D.D."
"Designated Driver?"
"D esignated D ecoy."
S AG E R O M A N O

122

_.-----

--

--. - ..... . . - - - - -

........,_,.,.,.__

--=-';,.~-

__

The Streets of th e Cit ~

The World's Shortest Stories

HERE
h

Now

ey did it in the office next to the taco

stand. Srnall things rneant a lot: a flower in

a plastic cup, the lost shoes, the picture

Vo x PoPULI

"H

ello. You have reach~d 891-4207,

the Johnson residence.

u,....

"Mary and Jin1 are not living here

during their custody dispute. If you're

of Jesus.
"We're going to pray for you now; Billy,"
they repeated.

a creditor, please contact the U.S. Bankruptcy Court.

Tongues of cold fire. Exorcism.

Mind rape.

"Mary's analyst-\vhen back fron1

vacation-please call her at her n1orher's.

"Remember," Billy said nine hours

later. "Remernber the terror."

To speak to A1ny and Becky, press star.

"H ave a great day"
T O M F ORD

MI C H A EL J U LIAN P H IL LIP S

124

125

The Streets of the City

GE TTiNG TO

I(Now You
.....
~-

"I

'111 going to help block the clinic

tomorrov;," Judy told Tammy excitedly

Her best friend looked surprised.
'Tm going to the clinic tomorrow, too."

"Great! I'll pick you up!"

"No," said Tammy "No ... I don't-!
really don't think that's such a good idea."
Her eyes filling \Vith tears, she turned
away fron1 her friend.
SCO TT L ONG

f'
f .
l _.,
I

127

The World's Shortest Stori es

The Streets of the Cit y

AUTUMN SONATA

THE TRUTH

Is FouND

A n October night Rams on the tube.

fom~d in curious pla,ces

Cold cuts and beer for the guests, \vho

1 :e truth is

banter about football and food.

In a bar, a drunk was espousing what he

Three hours ago, we buried my cousin,

23, needle-tracked arms and all. Hail
Marys all around. Now the roar of the
crowd drowns the gathering. The autumn
moon will soon go down.

believed true.
Another drunk responded, "Belief
con1es before truth."
Beer glass held high, he continued, "I
believe by dropping this glass, it'll break --

To know the truth, I must let go."

ROB E RT F. HU TT L E

To the bartender's displeasure, truth

\vas revealed.

128

MI CHA E L \ V. T A Y L O R

129

The World's Shortest Stories

HARRY's LOVE
H

e looked at her lying there,

entranced by her sensuous curves,

her golden glovv But it vvas her voice that
really rnoved bi1n-sometin1es soft and
sexy, son1erin1es -vvild with abandon.
Whatever his n1ood, she n1atched it.
He lifted her lovingly to his lips.
Tonight they would n1ake beautiful
1nusic together, Harry and his trun1per.
BILL HOR TON

130

The Worl d's Shortest Stories

The St ree t s of the Cit y

THE PROMISE

THE DEMISE OF
OLD CUSTOMS

"I

. 'm opposed to it. It's wrong."

"Lying there relying entirely on tubes,

drips, and pumps is right?"

"s

o I say, 'Lady, open yol.lt

can1era.' Sure enough, no film. String of

undeclared pearls-"

"She's alive."
'1\nd our pron1ise to let her die

"Excuse me, Chief. What about these

big wooden crates from Nagoya, Japan?"

with dignity?"
"But she gave us our lives!"
"Then we ovve her dignity in death."

"Hands off! Those go directly to

Canaveral. Word fron1 upstairs."

"Yes ... I suppose ... dear God . . ."

"Yer the boss."

The night \ind blew.

'1\nyvvay, so I say; 'Lady, if we let every

"Doctor, my brother and I-"

tourist carry in stuff like this- '"

L AC H M AC D ON A LD

L EW I S A. H EN BU RY

132

133

The World's Shortest Stories

HIGHER

"C

EDUCATION

ollegc \vas a breeze," Jennings said,

washing his grirny hands. "Wjth all those

budget cuts, they couldn't teach much.
They just gave us our grades and sent us
on our way "
"How did you learn?"

"Vle didn't, but so what? Look at

me novv.

A nurse opened the door.

"Dr. Jennings, you're wanted in surgery"
R O N BAST

134

The World's Shortest Stories

The Streets of t he City

THE DEAL

TYPEC AS T

h e CEO's office was plush indeed.

"M

an, I'1n redfb, pissed off!"

The briefcase was genuine elephant leather,

"Why? What happened?"

its contents 100 percent pure. The asking

"Son1e college kid. You know-buzzc(l

head-rap-music-neon-shorts-and-shades

price a cool one mill.

The buyer inspected the goods; the

kinda guy"
!

seller inspected the cash.

On the street below, a vvhore talked to

"Yeah, I know the type."

'Anyway, this little yuppie dork asked
n1e for a hooter! Can you believe it? !"

a john.
The buyer inspected the goods; the
seller inspected the cash.

"That figures! Those jerks always judge

people by the vvay they look."
CARNE L OW CR I:N

T HOMAS QUINTANA

Pi7

The World's Shortest Stories

DECEJ\1BER STORY

Nck

DeSantos, mailman, scanned the

dead letter bin. Hundreds of envelopes

bore the san1e address: "Santa Claus)
North Pole."
"Hate seeing disappointed kids)" Nick
said to his supervisor.
"Serves 'em right)" he said. "Believin' in
Santa Claus.
Arriving hon1e) Nick reached inside his
bag and rook out one of many letters.
"Dear Bobby," N ick wrote .
.". < _'. v

0 EA N C H R IS Tl AN S 0 N

138

The World's Shorte s t

Storie s

D A DD Y's HOME

"M
.

omn1y? When's Daddy getting

here?"
"Soon, very soon," she said. "The war's
. "
over ... no n1ore worryu1g.

"Mmn, look-the boat's here!"

A ladder dropped down. Eventually,

everyone was unloaded. H er husband
Peter came ashore.
"Sign here," the lieutenant said.

Betty stood embracing the coffin.

"Peter ... Why?" she asked.
R A FA EL T O B A R

1Hl

.,

'Ona.e -'-'
Y
* * *

- .~

The Wo rld's Shortest Stori es

MEPHISTOPHELES ,
WHI S I<Y, A ND THE
WRETCHED SouL
M

phiscopheles stopped at the

crossroads an~ tipped his flask o' whisky

A banker strolled by
"Ten bucks for your soul."
"Try a million and a private jec."
"Look paL Avarice, extortion, wickedness, and infidelity-Ten bucks is a steal
for your \Vretched soul. The Reaper
won't be so kind."
~ -

"Thirteen. No less."
"D ea11."

Both grinned.
SL\N C H R IS T OPH ER WEIR

142

Yonde r

The World's Shortest Stories

HONEYMOONERS

TK

newlywed spider nervously walked

N EW LIFE

N ine years, stranded on a forgotc

back to the honeymoon web. Last night

ten 1noon of Uranus, the lone sunrivor of

was fun, but this morning he noticed the

an in terplanetary battle, I discovered

red dot on her abdomen.

intelligent, benign creatures \vho took

That afternoon, he said nothing while

they drank medfly cocktails. She put an

111e

in and nurtured me. I learned from thern ,

and grew to love them.
My people can1e for me at last. But we

arn1 around hi1n.

"You're awful quiet. What's eating you?"
The last thing he saw was flashing

hid from the exploratory spacecraft.

Report: G amma moon uninhabited.

mandibles.

AUGUST SA L.l: l'vl I

C HRI STY TILLMA N

144

145

Yonder

E N GLI S.H

lA

"U

se a dash between coordinate elements

. .

))

contatntng com1nas.
My laser bea1n crackled out a response.
One down.

"Subordt.nating clauses equal dangling

parttciples."
I whirl and fire.

"I before eeeeeeeeeeeeee- "

Two less mutant English teachers.
More coming. Can't let them succeed.
Teaching wrong us. Must them stop I..
Modifiers misplaced. Metaphors mixing.
Over it's. Win they

147
----

-~ -

---

,._, . .,

_____

RoD P oUN I>

Yonder

The World's Shortest Stories

.. \
i

How
GoT

THE CHrcr<E N
ITS REPUT A TION

W I SHFUL THINKINc;

Bob

had all he wanted. And he still had

is suit's too small," croaked Buzzard

"My head sticks out!"

one \vish lefc.

"I can't decide. Can I use it later?"

"Look at wte," squaked Peahen. "Peacock

got the colors! I demand new feathers!"
All the plain birds agreed, except
Chicken, who \vas frightened. Angered,

he asked.
"You da boss. I'm just the genie."

"C001".

As he walked down the streets, he

the other birds teased he1~ and she cowered

searched for a tune to express his joyous

n1ore. But knowing no cuss words, they

feelings.

could only call her a chicken.

TER R I D U N IVAN T

148

". . . Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer

.
wiener-

"
J OSHUA H t\N I'>

149

The World's Shortest Stories

THERE ' s No PLA CE

LII(E I T
h

e President was rushed to the

Arizona desert to greet the arrival of the

huge alien spacecraft.
"Peace," said the President.
"Thank you," said the very humanlooking alien. "We've been on a millionyear universal tour. We're excited about
returning home."
"Please, visit. Then, good journey"
"No, you
misunderstand," said the alien.
..
"Weare hon1e."
DE AN CHR I STii\NSOl\'

150

The World's Shortest Stories

EDMUND's
DISCOVERY
Edmund's car wouldn't lecture him
when he forgot to buckle up. The instant
teller's cryptic note in1plied his PIN
number didn't exist. The motion detector
above the supennarket door refused to
notice him.
Troubled by these developments,
Edmund sat in his empty aparnnent
and thumbed reluctantly to the obituary
column.
''I'll be damned," he said.
PAU L TUCKER

152

The Wo rl d 's Sh ortest Stories

Yo nder

DR AG ON T A L E

PE RS PEC T I V E

M uscles rippled under the blue-green

"I

scales as the dragon stretched, then relaxed.

that by careful exan1ination of these

Fascinated, I Viratched the creature

think it's easy to see, my studenrs,

fonner inhabitants, of their behavior

freeze to perfect immobility I stared until

patterns, their simple, pointless lifestyles,

the I~an noticed n1e. With a glare, he

the things they held ofimport, and of rhc

rolled do\vn his sleeve.

complete and utter corruption of their

"N ice tattoo," I said, embarrassed.

selves and their environ1nent, that

"\iVha t ta ttoo?" he asked, turning away

Earth deserved no better than Galactic

Under his sleeve, I saw son1ething

extermination. Thus, us. Any questions?"

move.

COLIN CAMPII li l I

] ANA S E ELY

154

155

Yonder

FIRST STEP
I t's been three days since I've had a drink
Recently I learned about support groups.
There's one for just about everything
these days. I checked around and found
a meenng.
Last night \:vas the first time I had the
nerve to stand up and say, "H ello. I'm
Sandy, and I'rn a van1pire."
Maybe there's hope.
T ! 1vf S COTT

157

-- - --

World's Shortest Storie s

-- --The -- -------------,

FAT TEETH

Yond e r

COMlv'IUNIQUE

his horror, suddenly, inexplicably, the

Uncontrolled terrorists burning the

process reverses; his hamburger becomes a

\vorld's oil fields are producing "nuclear

\vhopper, grows giant teeth through the

-vvinter" effects in N orthern Hemisphere.

rdish, glistens 1nenacingly with his own

Industry, agriculture, transport, failing.

saliva, then begins a slow, contented

Prediction: 50 years until horse stock

counter clockwise grinding-eating him

able to serve hu1nan needs. Gold, $2 an

up!-until he beco1nes lost in meticulous

ounce. Hay passes $100 a bale.

mastication, \Vashed down \vith his own

Diet Coke and double order of fries.
R A Y CL A RK DICK S ON

158

U.S. denies plans to invade hayproducing nations.

"Just routine military n1aneuvers,"
says White H ouse.

D AVID RI C HARD S

159

Th e Wo r ld's Short e st Storie s

THE

Bus

STA TIO N

"0

ne ticket to Hell please."

''I'm sorry, all departures going south

are booked up."
1\.nyching else leaving tonight?"
"We have one bus heading in the
opposite direction."
1\.ny sears available?"
"Plenty"
"Very long ride?"
"No, not really, but you n1ighc want to
take a good book along. I've heard it's a
mighty lonely trip."
ANDR EW

160

E. HU N T

Yonder

OH, GOD
.>~ !
. .,

...

,
.

-~
.. I
~

. I.

S et 'em up in this garden, see? lJ>Id 'ern,

"Don't eat the fruit."
Shoulda known. I<A-BOOM! I kick
,

em out.

Bur I'm a forgivin' kinda guy Shccslt.

Whadda sucker.

WHOOSH! I flood the place.

f~>n y

days, plus or minus. Dumb tne. I save

a couple.
What's their book say? Revelarjons~

I gotta find a match.

R o D P c l l J r-~ 11

163

The World 's Shortest

Sto ries

Yonde r

THE DYIN G
h

e two policemen gazed down at him

AR T
h

Vs.

CO MM ERCE

e artist stood back to view the

"Is he alive?"

geon1etric precision of his latest creation.

"His eyes are n1oving."

"Beautiful," he rnurmurcd, "but vvill

. se111"
It
..

"Won't be for long."

"Nope."

No tirne to examine the philosophic

Staccato flashes clin1b a distant

n1ountarn.

implications. Custon1crs, buzzing with

excicement, hovered near the piece.

"Poor guy"

He wrapped up a deal quickly

"What's he looking at?"

"Couldn't tell you. Only he knows."

"This is business," the spider said

with a vicious smile. "It ain't art."

A li tde girl skips gladly before hirn,

RoN BA S T

dropping an infinity of flowers.

J oE McCL ES KEY

164

165

&.

The World's Shortest Stories

GUITAR
Hell never hold me as he holds that
gwtar. Has!lt touched me that wqy tl1 years
!11get tnstde the guzia1~ to be z/1 his
arms agazn.
She spent aU day, sacrificing shape,
voice, everything but desire to be held.

Finally inside, n1ute, invisible, she 'vvaited.

"Honey; I'n1 ho1ne! I bought a new
- !Honey ... !"
gu1tar.
.
JOHN

166

M.

DANI E L

The World's Shortest Stories

Yonder

THE SPACEMAN
COMETH

TYPHOID ALEX

"W

e are v1arriors. You are ready to

ex's talent Was well-rested. The

restaurant vanished. the year aftei'"he

join us-" said the alien to Mankind's

stopped being a dishwasher. The school

ambassadors. Standing beside me, the

where he'd taught closed six months after

general beamed.

his resignation. Shortly after he quit, the

"-Two thousand years ago, a prisone1~ a

ne\vspaper folded.

pacifist, escaped to your world. We trust

With a sn1ile, Alex raised his hand and

he did not disrupt your civilization."

s\vore the oath n1aking hin1 a soldier in

From behind the general came a wail.

the United States Arn1y

A priest stood shaking, head in hands.

J ANE MAIL J\ND ER
DAN PHI LLI P S

i
l

I
1 68

1
I

Yonder

The World's Shortest Stories

SEEING RED

hose

STRII(E

THE BAND

"H

unblinking eyes!

ungry, my little n1ajorettc?"

I should! feel thzs

he puffed.

"Grandmother, your eyes ... "

"Come." Her voice makes tny legs
yee1n~.

UP

"Yes, Daddy! How tnuch longer/'

"S oon... L.zsten.!"
Daddy's digging vvas punctuated l)y tl1c

"Give me a closer look."

I svvoon. I drean1 of hunting horns, an

axe, hov-rling ...

knell of n1idnighr.
The spade struck wood.

I a\vake. Grandn1other's gone. Under

her wet, red gown, the body of the finest

in the moonlight.

"If you pick it clean, n1y little t.w irlu ,

anirnaJ I have ever beheld.

JOHN

He grinned, his teeth itnpossj bly I( >11g

M.

Daddy'll n1ake the fen1ur into a brand

DAN I E L

nevv baton."

17 0

171

The World 's Shorte s t Stories

WHAT THE DEVIL

WANTED

he

two boys stood watching Satan

\valk av-ray, the po\ver of his hypnotic eyes

still in their minds.
"Geez, what'd he want from you?"

"My soul. How 'bout you?"

'A quarter to call h01ne."
"Oh. Wanna go gee something to eat?"
"Yeah, but I can't. Now I'n1 our
of money"
"No problem. I've got plenty"
BR IAN NEWEL L

, ... ,

The World~ Shortest Stories

THE END
"You didn't!"

"Because you
know."

"I did."
"Dead?"
.
""\7

1es.

"But I won't-"

t'

"Too late."
"-tell-"

"Why?"
"She knew."

"Rar too 1ate. "

"-anyone/"
"Indeed."

"Wh
au'"
";\b
n.. out me. "
"But what?"

"Th."
lS.

". . . commander. "

'An alien!"

"\.T "
ltS.

"Indeed."

"Phase One has

"What now?"

"No\v yo~."
"011, no.,,
"Oh, yes."

been completed."
"Excellent.

Proceed with the

.
.
"
1nvas10n.

"But \vhy?"

"Indeed."
CHARL E S \VEST

174

Fu:-ct l'le :-c

~"Voices

* * *

The World~ Shortest Stories

BAD LUCI(

awoke to searing pain all over my body

I opened my eyes and saw a nurse

standing by my bed.
"Mr. Fujima," she said. "You \vere lucky
to have survived the bombing of Hiroshima two days ago. But you're safe now
here in this hospital."
Weakly, I asked, "Where arn I?"
"Nagasaki," she said.
A LAN

176

E.

M AYER

The World's Shorte st Stories

Furthe r Voice s

THE REUNION

EQUAL RITES

"H

In school, she had been the closest thing

to a girlfriend he ever had. "Please keep in

ighly irregular," said the priest.

"The diocese allows then1," replied one

touch," he said \Vhen they graduated.

of the tnen.

"Yeah, you too," she said. This reunion

Overcoming a visceral dislike of sanK-

would be the first titne they would talk

sex unions, the priest agreed to hold the

. -.

in five years.

ceretnony quietly There was a harpist.

"Good to see you."

Both men wore tuxedos.

"Yeah, you too."

But the priest, even while donning her

"Please keep in touch."

vestments, still v;.rondered if she \vas doing

1eal1, you too. "

"'\7:

the right thing.

DAVID HOF f-i AN

178

MARK P LANT::i

')

d.D'~

'-

Furthe r Voice s

MISLAID P LA N S

rash of new bills came that

n1orning. T he letter frotn their insurance

con1pany announced the cancellation of
their policies.
She sighed and rose wearily to tell her
husband. The kitchen stndled of gas.
On his desk she found the note.
". .. the money fron1 my life insurance will be enough for you and the
children .. ."
MONICA WARE

181

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - -- - --

- - - - - --

- ----

... .

- - ----------

The World's Shortest Stories

Further Voi ces

T -HE FALL OF
A LEGEND

DEATH OF A.

NEIGHBOR

E ra thousand years the mighty

MY

redwood grevv into a majestic beauty;

was a large won1an with auburn bair

surviving earthquakes, fires, and drought.

I ad1nired.

O~~l~sted

only by the n1ounrains on

neighbor d1ed yesterday Rohcna

Though a private person, she w;1s

which it lived. A thousand years un-

passionately interested in me. H er

touched. A thousand years unconquered.

adoration confused me. I barely knew II<' I.

"HoV\r long ra drop it?" shouted the

After the funeral, Roberta's nephew

handed me an inscribed hatbox. Ir rcH.I:

foren1an.
"Couple hours tops," spat the burly

"For lovely Catherine-my auburn vvig.

Your neighbor, Robert Whiting."

logger.
"Let's get it over with."_.
ANDREW

182

MA RY Y<>llr--!t .

E. H UNT

183

The World's Shortest Stories

AT THE HosPITAL

"S

he needs surgery It's a rare kind

of tumor."

"Has anyone told her?"

"No. We're waiting for her family"
"There is no family."
"Everyone has fa1nily"
"Not her ... vvhat are her chances?"
"Not good. Only fifty-fifty"
"Those. are good odds for her."
"They are.I"
"They are."
"How so?"
"She arrived here an atternpted suicide."
E:V!ILY TIL TON

184

Deep

The World's Shortest Stories

Furth er Voices

THE FOREST

THE C A RET A IZE R

in the woods, trees filled the sky

On an incline, I turned to see the whitetailed buck gracefuLly bound tovvard

"D

on't \Valk on the grass!" shouted the

little man.
"D on't be stupid,'' the large man replied.
"It doesn't feel anything."

the ridge.
Grandn1other had called this The
Seasoi1 of Deer Rutting. Seeing one pass
meant you'd travel soon.
I left in the morning fog, arnid sounds
of rifle fire. Deer season had begun.

"You 1nust care for it," retorted the little

tn an.

"It gives us beau ty; but it's fragile."

"Whatever." The large man walked

away
Years later, each had m oved on.
Indifferently, the cemetery grass grew

MER RY L Y N R E YNO L D S-A RC H Alvf BO

over both .
ST EV EN M A C L EOD

186

187

Further Voic es

WAR GAlvfE
C

orporal John Thomas cowered in t he

n1ud as the unreal violence of his first

cmnbat exploded around him.
"Johnny!" His mother's voice echoed
above the sound of battle. "It's time
for dinner!"
Tears in his eyes, Corporal Thomas
dropped his M -16 and ran tovvard
the voice.

A machine gun chattered briefly, thq1,

\

fell silent.

-.:

-~ : . t~ .....t ~_. '!

. -- :'

. . - :i' .

-' .:-~-.-... y.

. ~/:~::-.. ,

Ro N B AST

~-

. ,.,.
:-

..
. .._ .

.... ~... -:-. ~ "'"

..

,i,:.tr~~~t~~~~;~f~>i',

189

The World's Shortest Stories

MAID TO SERVE

"H

Further Voice s

COWBOY MOVIE

cautioned the Tit\\' maid. '1\nd absolutely

Jack's father died. The machines confirnled it. The nurse entered the room,

no beef. He takes dessert in the den. Dravv

started unplugging equiptnent. "You can

his bath at eight, he retires early."

go now," she explained.

e likes dinner at six sharp," she

1-\nd when will I get to meet the

H e felt like he v.ras in a theater. The

ma-ster?" the n1aid asked as she stumbled

lights \Vere on. There vvas gun1 and

backward over a sleeping poodle.

popcorn on the floor.

"You just djd," laughed the housekeeper.

"Dad," he ahnost said, "let's go."

Instead, he just watched the credits roll.

EMILY TILTON

E R N E s T M . G i\ IZc:! t\

190

191

- - - - - - - - - - -- -- -- - -The World ' s Shortest Stories

ALL A T SEA

Her

quick footsteps overhead

a-vvake:ned him. Fearful of passing ships,

she'd slept on deck. Her caution irritated
him; they had quarreled.
He heard the splash. Ignoring her
screa1ns for help, he turned his radio
louder. Then he wondered vvha t had
alarmed her.
The huge canker came swiftly, on
collision course with che little sloop.
ROSEMARY M ANC HE ST E R

192

- -- - - - - --

--- --

--

Further Voices

LAST FLIGHT
On a Greyhound bound for the Grand
Canyon, she traveled unnoticed among
the tourists, but carried no luggage or
sensible shoes.
The driver slowed, announcing, "Scenic
overlook ahead."
Passengers unloaded, fumbling for
binoculars and cameras.
She stepped close to the edge. It had
gone on long enough. Fight or flight?
Fight or flight?
Flight.

VvENDY L I EPMAN

195

Further Voic es

FooTSTEPS
IN THE SAND
D

own on the hard, wet sand, ;t man

raced past, disappearing into the night fog.

Their eyes followed hin1, then turned to
watch for his pursuer.
"Just his own demons, I guess."
"Got any yourself?"
"Just you, sweetie."
"He'll run out of beach . .. or breath."
"Or, hopefully, dem ons."
,\

' _,_,. .I

-,.

~'

'

'

;'.<

"I guess it's always a race."

''

Ro ss

. 1'-::t'!-.:
.

''1-~

'

':;:;.-.'

19 7

PAR SON S

The World~ Shor tes t

IN

Stori es

Further Voices

THE ROUGH

CH AME LEO N

SCHLEMIELEON
chip was teed off

He'd never shot an eagle. Lots of birdies

in his day, but never an eagle.
He sliced it accidentally

e Brainiac. The Nerd. Nor anymore.

A midsemester move

to

a new school.

A chance for a new identity

Chip wanted no pared of this, putt he

hooked himself in a trap.

Algebra. First day First period. Sitting

in the back v.rith the cool people, hoping

His sentence? Behind the irons.

to clique, I finish my exam long before

Thrown in the bunker for eighteen

hole years.

anyone else.
Doubting my calculations, the teacher

A bogey in society's nose.

grades it aloud: 100.

R t\

198

S WAN S 0

I've failed.
N

PATRIC

199

S.

TR A Y

Further Vo ic e s

FAIR PLAY

lrv

and lvan lay on the blistering sands,

ogling won1en.
"That one?" Irv asked.
"Nope," Ivan said. "Too fat."
"Her?"
"Nope, too skinny"

In the wan11 sun they sipped beer and

gavvked.
"Wovv," said Ivan. "Look at her!"
Two girls, wearing flaming pink bikinis,
glided past.
"Nope," they heard one say to the other.
F RE D \V. MANZO

201

The World's Short est

DENTIST's THEATER
h

Further Voic es

Stories

e observers waited in anticipation.

LOVE OF HIS LIFE

Wen

I saw the bearded lady at the

His heart beating furiously, he opened the

carnival, I was detennined to woo her.

beast's n1outh. Against its dark gums its

Such was my fetish, yet my relatives

teeth gleamed whitely He began to polish

were supportive.

thefi1,_first gently, then with increasing

"Your name?" the n1inister asked of me.

energy The demonstration was going well;

"Robert Cedric Foster," I said. It all .

the spectators recognized his skill and

n1urmured favorably to one another.

seemed too good to be true.

'1 \nd yours?" he asked of 1ny bearded
bride.

Then he missed an E-flat.

"William Angelo Duvani."

MARK PL ANT S
WI L M A R

202

203

N.

TOGN AZZ I N I

Further Voices

GRAPPLEMEYER

"0

ld Grapplen1eyer died broke.

The reading of this will is over."

"That old fraud," sobbed Lydia,
Grapplemeyer's n1istress of 30 years.
'Tve vvasted 1ny life."
"You?" shouted David. "I was his
secretary; valet, and n1ore!"
J

"I was only the cook, but I'll1n iss dear

Mr. Grapplen1eyer," said Rose1nary,
fingering a huge dian1ond ring.
Slil R LE Y P 0 \VE L L

205

The World~ Shortest Stories

Further Voices

CARE FOR

LosT

ANOTHER BITE?

"M

y kids f" she screan1ed, rifling

L e animal's brown eyes peered at Tom,

underneath clothes racks, \vhere they

full of innocence and trust. Without

sometimes hid.

remorse, Tom placed the gun betvveen

Shoppers stared.

those eyes and pulled the trigger. As he

"Help rne! They're gone!" she cried.

b~rchered the anin1al, he thought of

Someone \vhispered, "... old lady

thinks~"

sizzling steaks.
Later, he savored a mouthful. As the
well-marbled n1eat slid down his throat,
the animal began its own revenge.
BRIAN BARNE S

"0 ld!" she exploded, 'T 111 only~"

She froze. Her eyes shifted fron1 face to
face, frorn confusion to sharne, then drifted
to her O\Vn \Vrinkled hands.
"Mv ... kids," she rn u1nbled.
j

NANCY RUTH N ERE NBER G

206

207

Further Voices

EVE N I N G SURP R I SE
s himmery stockings stretched over

shapely thighs-a perfect backdrbp for a

body-skiin ining cocktail dress. Glan1our
radiated from the ends of the dian1ond
earrings w the tips of the spike-heeled
shoes. As a shadowed eye surveyed the
n1irror's reflection, painted lips pursed
with pleasure. Suddenly, a voice cried out
fron1 behind.
.uaJ'?jJ)
..

(( { j

H I L L 1\ R Y C L A Y

209

The Wor l d's Shortest Stories

F11rther Voices

FATE

SEQUEL TIME

his was the only way, such a blur of

h e convertible flew over the cliff's edge

rage and bliss and hurled toasters as our

into the deep desert canyon, finally hitting

time together had becon1e. Appeal to

far belo\:v with a thunderous crash.

Two occupants crawled from the

fate: heads, \ve'd marrv; tails we'd

j

'

separate forever.
.

wreckage.

The coin flipped, thudded, skipped

"Damn! Thank God for seatbelts!"

and lay still, an eagle showing.

'And dual air bags! Jeez, what a mess!"

We stared as it sank in.

"I can't believe we made itl That was

Then, together, "Best two out of three?"

sure some shortcut!"

"Think we lost 'em, Thelma?"

]. RIP P
UP TON 0. Goo D

210

211

Further Voices

DEATH IN THE CIT Y

"H

c's begging, Father," the patrol-

n1an said.
"Ic's a fake collar, understand? I'm on

my way to a goddarn party"

Another 1noan fron1 the n1an dying
at our feet. He'd been struck by a driver
long gone.

'Absolution, Father. I doubt he has ci1nc

co read your credentials."
l(neeling and feeling foolish, I signed
the cross.

H. W . M oss

2 1"3

The World's Shortest Stories

12, 1994,
10:03 P.M.

Further Voices

SOLITAIRE

JUNE

"J

.
.
J"
eez~ 0. ].-some~1n1es y~u start~c me.

"Aw I'n1 sorry Nrcole. I JUSt cant seen1

'

to stay

a\vay "

"Well, beat it before I call 911."

,;But I just \Vanna talk ..."
"Not no\v-here's Ron \Vith Mon1's
glasses."

Encased by the laundry room walls,

she stuffed load after load into the
insatiable washer, begrudging every
1ninute lost. Sodden diapers, m ismatched
booties, Batn1an pajan1as, pink leotards,
grass-stained soccer shirts, knee-socks,
pinafores, jeans, S\veaters, skirts, trousers.
Now, finally; she washes one small load
a week, and wonders why the days are

"Hiya, Ron!"

so long.

"Hey; 0. ]."

M t\R I LFE SW !R CSZEK

"0. J. was just leaving, Ron . .."

"Bve, Nicole. Call you from Chicago."
J

"'Night, 0. ]."
"'Night, Nicole."
LACH MACDONALD

214

215

The World' s Shorte s t

Stories

MY

R ECIPE FOR
WR I TERS JAM

take one small brain, stuff it with plots

;1nd characters, add spice, a pinch of salt,

rnix in ideas, and put it on the back burner

to sin1mer indefinitely. When ready to

serve, I scrape off the mold, chop, process,
nd form to size. I offer this aesthetic

<1

delight, rny friends, with relish.

C ONN I E SU DD AT H

216

55
fiction

Tl1.e
R.ule s
* * *

The World's Shortest Stories

The Rules

write .a 55 ''-'Ord shon story'~ We" bet you've

of dus writing g<lJne, a tiny literary genre wirh a proud tradition

been reaclmg these stones and thtnkmg co yourself, Hey, I can

stretching back a full eight years w a rime when finding good copy co

do rhat. G!ve me a pen and paper."

\Ve think you can, roo, which is ,vhy we've included chis handy

fdJ our arts and enteminmcnt publica Lion, New Times, was tough to

ow hard

1S

it

to

do. O ut of this necesslty rose Fifty-Five Ficnon.

dandv section of Official Fiftv- Five Fiction Rules so vou can know

'

The first rule we ah.vavs

td l FiftvFive Fiction writers may seem
I
I

'

exactly how w go about ir when the urge strikes.

obVi OUS,

But be forewarned: \Vnring a Fifty-Five Fiction scory isn'r as easy

to

but l t 's broken more often chan you might chink. vVe tell them

remember thac ive're raJkmg about fiction , nor e>says or poems or

errant thoughts. A Jot of people have a hard t1me geuing that straight,

as it looks.

A haiku poem is short. So is a quarterback sneak Bur nobody

no doubt because they have a ha rd rime bdievmg rha r wrinng some-

thinks they're simple to execme-it's just that rhe people who do rhem

thing so short 1s really possible. They usually end up '.'Vith only part of a

well make it seem rhat way.

story, often with their charaCter stranded in a situa tion going nowhere.

Taking a grrat srory concept and developing 1t wirhm such a lim-

So although some may have a more complex delmirion of just

ired space 1S a link like carving a beautiful sculpture from a tiny block

wha r constitutes a "story," for our purposes, a scary is a story only if it

of wo~d. Tbe working range is truncated and nmmare, bur the goal is

contains the following four demencs; 1) a sming; 2) a characrer or char-

no differenr than tf vou were crearing on a much larger scale:

an ers; 3) conflict; and 4) rcsoJunon.

'

to

per-

fccrly merge various elements into a coherent whole rhar ultimately

For those who think this limiting ro their creativity, consider for a
momrnt that:

makes people say, "\Vow, rhar's really greac!"

But don't be discouraged by such a lofty goal. Great storyrdlmg

All stories have to be happening someplace, which means they

srarrs with fair sroryrclling and gw berrer with practice. Ray Bradbury

have co have a setting of some kind, even if tt':; the other s1de of the uni-

once cold an audimce that if thev wanted w learn how

verse, the inner reaches of someone's mind, or just rhe house next door.

to

write, thev

'

should compose a shorr story every day. "If you do that," he said, "by the

Charactns can have infinite varia uons. People, animals, clouds.

end of rhe year you'll have \vrinen 365 stories-and, at the very least,

microbes. Anythmg.

three or four of them are bound

to

By confhcr, we merely mtan that in the course of the story, something has ro happen.The lovers argue, The deer flees. The astronauts wait

Vve've often thought about that \vhcn judging our Fifty-Five

in amicipation. Even in this last example, something is happening, even

to

be good because it's impossible

write 365 bad stories!"

Fiction Contest each year. It's the perfect way for someone ro apply

though no one is moving or calking. There is conflict, which leads to:

Bradbury's One-Srory-a-Day Theory of \vming. vVben you've mas-

The outcome of the srory, known also as the resolution. This

tered 55 words vou

can go
on co 110, then 220, and so on until you've
/
v

doesn't necessarily mean that there's a moral (}mice is its own reward,"

\vritten that great novel that's been inside you, struggling ro gn om.

"In the end, love triumphs") , or even that rhe conflict itself is resolved. Ir

Bur we're gertmg ahead of ourselves. Fifry-Five Fiction 1s the name

218

may or may not be.

219

The Wo rl d's Shortest Storie s

Bm what it does mean is that when rhe story end~. someone has to
have learned something. Tony found out his wife wanted co kill him

The Rules

How about revealing a family's ongoing woes through jusr

.1 11

answering machine's message? Check our page 125.

after aU; the soldiers successfully eluded the enemy when they thought

And on p:1ge 29, lovers meet clandesrincly and discover morr

they'd been Jiscovered; Barbara was shown to be as much of a Lar as her

chan they bargained for, in a Lale w1d1 only one sentence using almosr
all nouns.

father. lt's even possible co have none of rhe characters leam anyrhing.
Bm if char's rhe case, then we rhe readers must.

Surprise endings are ofttn found in f ifcy-Five Fiction, but they're

Consider "Bedtime Srmf by Jeffrey \Vhimmore on page 13. Be-

not a prerequ1site for success. They probably turn up a lor because

sides havmg a terrific swry idea, \Vhirmore also goes about cdlmg ir.

rhey're easy co work with, and because many writers instincnvely ~um

well. How he does so is worth examining

for the impact of a twist <l t the encl. H. H. Munro had similar instincts

Notice how much he achieves through suggestion. We know rhe

in his Iindy crafted mini-short srories. So dtd Rod Sterling and Alfred

characters are lovers, but the author never says so. \Ve also know there's

Hitchcock in rhcir famous half-hour TV programs. Precry good sroryrelle rs ro emulate.

a gun in rhe storv bur it's never directlv mentioned. ln fact, \Vhitmore's
, .

rale is acrually two stories. T he second one-the other conspiracyreveals itself in rhc final rwo words.

A few other imporrant points ro keep 111 mmd:

You'll also noLice rhat thc.re are no descriptive adverbs or adjectives,

You can write abour anything you Lke, bur you can't use more

and ycr we see rhe entire scene perfectly The author rhen stretches the

than 55 words. Yes, vou can use fewer if 'vou'cl like to' but we don't know

form by having his srory srart even bd ore his narrative begins, and wd

why :tnyone would--don'r shortchange yourself even more .man we

already have.

beyond his final phrase, making it seem longer than just 55 words.
T he main advamage co suggestion is conveying information eco-

nomically- when rhe reader knows vvhar you're ralki ng about \Vid1our
your saying so, fe.vvcr words are needed. The disadvanrage, of course. is

losing sight of wherher rhc reader

i\nd what, exacrly

a 'Nord.

IS

a wordl Simple:. If it's in the dictionary, ir's

Hyphenated words can't coum as single word~. For example,

following you. Too much sug-

"blue-green dress" is three words, nor cwo. Excepriom r.o rhis are any

gesr.ion becomes obscure and confusing. Thar's a common error. So is

\VOrJs rhar don't become two complen: free-standing words when rhc

trying to cell roo compLcated a srory in such a tiny space. Fifry- Five

hyphen is removed. Like "re-entry"

1.1

Fiction demands a tight focus.

Also, please note rh;n your story's ririe isn't mcludccl Jn d1e word

Telling a swry in a traditional narrative mode is probably the best

approach for new writers, buc keep in mind char Fifty-Five Fiction
encourages expenmenranon.

C~n ~n entire story be cold Wlth every word starring with the same
lcner of the alphaber? Sure ir. can. You'll find iron page 67

220

counr. Bur remember char it can't be more chan seven words long.
Contractions count as single words, so if you're really seeking
\VOrd economy (as you should

be), keep rb is in mind. If you write, "He

will JUmp," it's r.hrec \vords. But if you write, "He'll JUmp," ir's only two.
Very.. economtcal. By the same token, anv comr:tcrion Lhar's a shorrened
.
~

.-

22 1

The Rules

The World's Shortest Stories

form of a word is also counted as a full word. Like using" 'err:\' for "them."

.Make sure your name, address, and telephone number are included

An initial also counts as a word (L. L. Bean, e. e. cummings, er.c.)

on each story, so we can conr,1ct you. ThL~ informacion needs ro be wirh

since it's basically an abbreviation of a full word. The only exception is

each one in case your stories get separated. Too many rimes, we've been

when it's pan of an acronym like MGM, NASA, or IBM. The rea-

unable to conrnct authors of great stories simply becau~ they forgot this
simple procedure.

soning here is chat rbe wide usc of these acronyms has in effect made
them inco single words.
Remember rhat numbers count as words, too, expressed as either

So. If you think you've gm some winning stories, pur a stamp on

when written out, but only one when expressed as 28. Don't cheat your-

dm envelope and mail them off to us at Fifty-Five Fiction, Depc. 55,

197 Santa Rosa Sr., San Luis Obispo, CA 93405. Unfortunately, we
can't acknowledge receipt of any work, so please send phorocopies, not
originals. If ilny of your stories are selected, one thing's for certain: You'll

self out of an extra word that you may need.

be hearing from us.

numerals (8, 28,500, or 1984), or as words (eight, rwcnry-eight, etc.) Bur

keep in mind our hyphenated-word rule. "1\venry-eight" is rwo words

Any puncmation is allowed, and no punctuation marks count as

And remember: Just 55 words.

words, so don't worry about being miserly wirh them if they work w
some effect.
There are a few cliches we suggest you avoid. Unless you can come

STEVE

up with really fresh rakes on these old chestnuts, stay away from stories
where the reader eventually discovers the protagonist is a car (or some
orher animal); charilcters who appear to be having sex, bur it turns our
they're doing something innocent and mundane, and you just have a
diny mind; and any character who wakes up at the end and says, "Gosh,
1t was all a dream!" These go m the trash faster than the speed of light,
as well they should.
So now that you've digested all the rules and you're pmring all
chose great ideas of yoms on paper, what are you going ro do with the
best ones afcer you've shown them ro friends who all thi nk you're brillianc? Good question. Here's a good answer. Send them to us so we Ci111
consider them for our next Fifrv-Five Fiction book.
J

You can submit as many srories as you want, bur remember that
each story must be typed on its own sheet of paper. That means one
story per page.

222

223

M oss

A B0

UT TH E

ED IT 0 R : Steve Moss has a lway~ liked vvords-so

much so that he decided

was nothing around

to

to

srarr his own weekly newspaper so if there

read, he'd have no one but himself ro blame. He

scudied arr at Brooks Institute, UC Santa Barbara, and Syracuse University, bur eventually swirched

to

vvnting becawe journalists were

more fun w hang out wirh. He's been a reporter, editor, busboy, an
director, construction grunt, advertising copywriter, and graphic artist:.
He's rhe editor and co-pubLsher of New Times in San Luis Obispo,
where he started Fifry-Five Fiction as an annual writing contest, and he
can't imagine doing anything else. He now lives in Pismo Beach, Calif.,
with his hot cub.

A B0

UT

TH E

l L L U ST R AT 0

R:

.A.frer high school, Glen

Starkey did a short, unsuccessful stint as a professional surfer before

mending college as a professional srudcnLTen years later, he quu school
after realizing there \Vas no money in it <1nd gor inro an , where the big
bucks arc. H.is paintings and drawi ngs h;~vc been shown in numerous
group and one-man exhibitions, and mday he plies his trade as a professional illusrracor, feamre writer, and music critic. He's also a board
member of che San Luis Obispo Art Ccnrer. He currcndy lives in San
Luis Obispo, Calif., with his dog. Madison, who hasn't led nearly rhc
illustrious life rhat Glen has.

224