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Whatisselfesteem
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Whatisselfesteem
1. 1.WhatisSelfEsteem?Selfesteemishowwefeelaboutourselves.Itisourthoughtsandfeelingsabout
ourselves.Forexample:Iamgoodlooking.Ifeelgoodaboutmyself.Iamkind.Iamcompetent.Thelevel
ofourselfesteemdetermineshowweoperateinlifehowweinteractwithothers,spouse,children,
friends,andstrangers.Itdeterminesourgoalsandwhatwestrivefor,ourachievements,andour
satisfactionandhappinessinlife.Theimportanceofselfesteemcanbeseenwhenwelookatthe
relationshipbetweenhealthyselfesteemandotherpsychologicaltraits.Selfesteemandpersonalityare
closelyrelated.Healthyselfesteemisrelatedwith:CreativityRationalityFlexibilityWillingnessto
admitmistakesOpennessHonestyAcceptanceCooperativenessIndependencePeoplewithhighself
esteemtendtobemoreambitiousinwhattheywanttoexperienceinlife.Highselfesteempeoplehavea
drivetoexpressthemselvesandtocommunicateopenlyandhonestlyabouttheirneedsanddesires.People
withhealthyselfesteemchoosehealthyrelationshipsandtheyrecognizethevalueofrelationships.They
treatotherswithrespect,nonjudgmentalattitude,andfairness.Muchofyourstresscomesfrominternal
sources.Havingahighselfesteemisvitalforstressrelief.Canyouseetheimportanceofselfesteem?Itis
nowonderthatNathanielBrandensaysthatselfesteemisourbasicneed.HowToBuildYourSelfEsteem6
tipstohelpyoufeelmoreconfidentandincontrolofyourlifeasateen1
2. 2.Itmaysoundalittlecheesy,butfeelinggoodaboutwhoyouarethatis,havingahealthyamountof
selfesteemandselfconfidenceisoneofthosethingsthatwillhelpmakeyourlifehappierandmore
successful.Havingconfidenceinyourselfandyourabilitiesgoesalongwaywhetheryourefacingatough
decision,adaptingtoanewsituationorstandingupagainstpeerpressure.Herearesometipsonhowto
buildyourselfesteem.1.Takeadeepbreath.Stayingrelaxedandbeinglaidbackingeneralcanhelpyou
seethebiggerpictureandnotsweatthesmallstuffsomuch.Itsalsoagoodframeofmindtobeinwhen
youretakingacloselookatthethingsyourenotsogoodat.2.Takeinventoryofyourstrengths.Everybodys
goodatsomething,andmanypeoplearegoodatquiteafewthings.Evenifyoudonthaveatalentor
strengththatyoureawareof,youprobablyhavesomeinterestsyoucandevelopintostrengths.Makealist
ofafewthingsyouregoodatandafewthingsyoureinterestedinandwouldliketobebetterat.Sharethis
listwithyourparents,anauntoruncle,orateacheryoulikeandtrust.Theycanprobablyhelpyoufind
otherthingsyouregoodat,too,andhelpyoucomeupwithaplanfordevelopingotherskillsand
interests.3.Realizeyourlimits.Nobodysperfectnotevenclose.Itmaynotalwaysseemthisway,butits
true.Soifyouwerentbornagoodsinger,asuperathleteoran"A"student,thatsOK.Youhavea
personalityandaperspectiveontheworldthatsallyourownandcompletelyvaluableevenifyousuckat
basketball,haveabignoseorlookterribleinleggings.4.Stopputtingyourselfdown.Now!Oneofthe
biggestthingsthatkeepspeoplefromachievingtheirgoalsandfeelinggoodaboutthemselvesis
negativeselftalk.Inotherwords,tellingyourselfthatyourealoserorafailureputsabigdamperonyour
abilitytogetwhatyouwantandbewhoyouwant.Ifyoudontdowellataparticularprojectortask,it
doesntmeanthatyouneverwill.Perhapsyouwerentpreparedorthetimesimplywasntright.Itdoesnt
meanthatyourealousyhumanbeingorthatyoullneversucceed.ItsOKtobeupsetforabitwhenthings
dontgoyourway,butafteralittlewhile,letitgoandmoveon.Youllbethatmuchclosertoachieving
whatyouwantifyoudo.5.Celebrateprogressandsmallvictories.Didyoupassyourdriverstestorgivea
killerspeechdespitefeelingnervous?Givecreditwherecreditsdue:Youdidit,andyourule!Andguess
what?Youcantacklebigger,harderprojects,too.2
3. 3.6.Patyourselfonthebackeveryday.Findafewsmallthingsthatyoudidwelleachday.Whetherits
wakingupontime,smilingatthedorkyhallmonitororsendingacardtoyourgrandmother,alotofgood

canbeaccomplishedinonedayanditssomethingtotakepridein.SelfEsteemistheKeytoyour
HappinessandWellbeingBuildingesteemisafirststeptowardsyourhappinessandabetterlife.Ifyou
havelowconfidenceorlowselfesteemyouwillfinditimpossibletobethepersonyoucouldbeand
yourhappinesswillbelimited.Selfesteemincreasesyourconfidence.Ifyouhaveconfidenceyouwill
respectyourselfandthenyoucanrespectothers,improveyourrelationshipsandbecomehappier....thisis
notaselfishgoalasyouwillcontributemoreandshareyourselfwiththeworldandthosearoundyou.Low
esteemcausesdepression,unhappiness,insecurityandlowconfidence.Othersdesiresmaytakepreference
overyours.Innercriticism,thatnaggingvoiceofdisapprovalinsideyou,causesyoutostumbleatevery
challengeandchallengesseemimpossible.Howtoimproveyouresteemandconfidence1.Faceyourfears
challengesseemscarybutyourfearsareusuallyexagerated.Facingyourfearsincreasesyourconfidence
andboostsyouresteem.2.Forgetyourfailureslearnfromthem.Avoidmakingthesamemistakesagain
butdontlimityourselfbyassumingyoufailedbeforesoyoucantsucceedthistime.Tryagain,youre
wiserandstronger.Dontbetrappedinthepast!3.Knowwhatyouwantandaskforit.Learnaboutbeing
assertiveyoudeserveyourdreamstocometrue!4.Rewardyourselfwhenyousucceed.Nooneelsewill!
Isnteverythingeasierwhenyoutaketimetohelpyourself?Makealistofyoursuccessesandfocusonthe
positive.5.TalkWeoftenmakeassumptionsaboutasituationorpersonwhicharenottrue.Yourattitude
andbehaviourcanbenegativelyaffectedsoifyouhaveanydoubtorquestionaskanddontassumeyou
knowwhyorhow.ThereismuchmoreaboutthispointandaboutmanyoftheothersinawonderfulbookI
havereadrecently.Ipersonallyrecommendyoutoreadittooasyouregoingtogetalotoutofit.Itscalled
TheFourAgreementsbyDonMiguelRuiz,clickonthelinktoorderthisextraordinarybooknow.6.Dont
bedefeated!Trysomethingelse.Youarenotgoingtobedefeatedbyonefailedattemptareyou?Doesnt
everyonefailbeforetheysucceed?Allyouneedisadifferentapproach.Goodluck!Iwishyouhappiness
andsuccess!lowselfesteemclickhereformore3
4. 4.SelfEsteemWhatisit? Selfesteemreferstothewayweseeandthinkaboutourselves.Self
EsteemWhatsitmadeof? Yourselfesteemismadeupofalltheexperiencesandinterpersonal
relationshipsyouvehadinyourlife.Everyoneyouveevermethasaddedtoortakenawayfromhowyou
seeyourself!TheEffectsofHighSelfEsteem Peoplewithhighselfesteempossessthefollowing
characteristics:Theyliketomeetnewpeople.Theydontworryabouthowotherswilljudgethem.They
havethecouragetoexpressthemselves.Theirlivesareenrichedwitheachnewencounter.Theyarenicer
tobearound.Theirideasaremetwithinterestbecauseotherswanttohearwhattheyhavetosay.They
aremagnetstopositiveopportunities!PeoplewithhighselfesteemhaveanIthinkIcanattitude!The
EffectsofLowSelfEsteem Peoplewithlowselfesteempossessthefollowingcharacteristics:They
dontbelieveinthemselves.Theyseethemselvesfailingbeforetheybegin.Theyhaveahardtime
forgivingtheirmistakesandmakethemselvespaythepriceforever.Theybelievetheycanneverbeas
goodastheyshouldbeorasothers.Theyareafraidtoshowtheircreativitybecausetheywillberidiculed.
Theyaredissatisfiedwiththeirlives.Theyspendmostoftheirtimealone.Theycomplainandcriticize.
Theyworryabouteverythinganddonothing.PeoplewithlowselfesteemhaveanIcantdoit
attitude.12StepstoHighSelfEsteemStep1Forgiveyourselfforpastmistakes.Step2Focusonyour
positiveattributes.Step3Followtheexampleofsuccessfulpeople.Step4Becomeaselftalker.Step5
Exhibitagoodattitude.Step6Getplentyofrest.Step7MakeyourworkskillsyourownStep8
PracticeyourtalentsStep9Becomephysicallyfit.Step10Learnnewthings.4
5. 5.Step11Improveyourpersonalrelationships.Step12Dresswell! Selfesteemcomesfromevery
experienceofyourlife. Howyouviewyourselfaffectseverythingyoudoinlife. Highselfesteem
givesyouaGOODfeelingaboutyourself. Lowselfesteemdistortsyourviewofyourself. Self
esteemcanmeimproved! Youareauniqueindividual.Nooneelseislikeyouinthewholeworld.This
makesyouspecialalready! Ourtimeinthisworldislimited.Makeithappenforyousoyouleaveyour
markinhistory!16GuidelinesforLifeByDr.TimOngIhadthewonderfulexperienceofspendingmy
lastweekendinaworkshopfacilitatedbyAlisonMurdoch,oneoftheauthorsofThe16Guidelinesfor
Life.Ifyouevercomeacrossanopportunitytoattendthisworkshop,Iwouldhighlyrecommendthatyou
takeit.The16GuidelinesforLifearevaluesthat,whenputintopracticeandinternalizedinourlife,lead
toahappierandmoremeaningfullife.Theyaresimpletounderstand,practicalandstraightforward,yetitis
preciselybecauseoftheirsimplicitythatwerunthedangerofignoringthem.Whileitisbeneficialtolearn
andunderstandthem,theirrealvalueliesinapplyingtheminourdailylives.The16Guidelinesare
groupedinto4themeshowwethink,howweact,howwerelateandhowwefindmeaningsinlife.
Understandinghowwethinkprovidesuswithachoicetodiscardournegativeandunskilfulthoughts,and
toembracepositiveandskilfulthoughtsthatleadtopositiveoutcomesforallconcern.Throughsomevery
simpleyetpowerfulexercises,thefacilitatorledtheparticipantsintorealizingforthemselvesthe
judgmentalhabitsoftheirmind.Thus,bypayingattentionandbeingawareofourthoughts,weare

empoweredwithachoicewedidnotknowwehadbeforethechoiceofchangingourthoughtsormental
habits.Atthispoint,Iwasremindedofthedefinitionofinsanitythatafriendhadgivenme.Hesaid
thatinsanityisdoingthesamethingoverandoveragain,andexpectingtheoutcometobedifferent.Sowe
havebeenlivinginsanelywiththesamepatternofthoughtsforyears,andthenwewonderwhyourlives
staythesame.Themomentwechangethewaywethink,westarttoactandrelatetoothersdifferently.We
begintoseethingsfromadifferentperspective,andindoingsowechangeourexperienceoflife.
Nothingoutsideofushaschangedbutthewayweperceivethemhas.Theendresultisthatwechange
ourlives.Usingthe16Guidelines,thechangeweexperienceispositive,affirming,empowering
andmeaningful.5
6. 6.7HotTipsForSelfImprovementHaveyoueverimaginedthatlifecouldbealotbetterandmore
fulfillingthanyoursisrightnow?Areyoueagertolearnaselfimprovementtechniquethatwillmakeitso?
Ifyouarereadon.Iamgoingtolaydown7simplestepsforyourselfimprovementplan.Whetheryou
implementtheselfimprovementstepsIgiveyouisyourdecisionalone.SelfImprovementTip1thistipwill
seemquiteobviousandsimpletoyou,butyoullbeamazedhowfewactuallytaketheefforttodoit.Unless
yourenotamorningpersonthisselfimprovementtipwilldrasticallychangethequalityofyourday
towardsthepositive.Settingyouinagoodmoodtofacethedayschallengesandadversities.GetUp
Early!Thismaysoundmorelikeawaytoruinyourdaybyputtingyouinanawfulmood,butbearwith
meonthis.Tobeabletoaccomplishthisandstillavoidlosinganyanyprecioussleep.Youcangotobed
justahalfhourearliersincetostartwithyouonlyneedtogetupahalfhourearlierthanyouusuallydo.To
aidthispurposeyoushoulddefinitelyuseanalarmclockwithpersistentbeeping.Youmaybewondering
bynowjustwhatitisthatyouresupposedtodointhisextrahalfhourwhenyouwouldnormallybedozing
peacefullyinbedandhowthishasanythingtodowithselfimprovement.Fordifferentpeopletheanswer
canvaryslightly.Tostartwithyouneedtofullyawakenyourselfandgetridofearlymorning
sluggishness.Tosuitthispurposeyoucantakeacoldorslightlycoolshower.Oryoumighttrydoing
stretchescombinedwithdeepbreathing.Youmightskiptheshowerifjustsplashingcoldwateronyour
faceissufficienttowakeyou.Usewhateverworksforyou.Afteryourecompletelyalertstepoutsideof
yourhouse,apartment,etc...Andifitsearlyenoughandyouhaveaclearview,watchthesunrise.This
simplebutimmenselysatisfyingactwillliftyourspiritsandhelpwithselfimprovement.Ifyoureunableto
dothis,takeabriskwalk,jogorrundependinguponwhatyoupreferandwhatyourephysicallycapable
of.Whenyouvebeenoutfor20minutesyoucanheadinsideandcommencewithwhatevermorningritual
younormallyhave.6
7. 7.SelfImprovementTip2Nowthisisextremelyimportantbutdeceitfullyobvious.EatBreakfast.Tostart
yourdayoutontherightfootandstayinkeepingwithyourselfimprovementplanthisispracticallya
necessity.Youneedtheenergythiswillprovideyouwithtoaccomplishyourdailytasks.Ifyouareoverly
pressedfortimeyoumighttrycerealandmilkorafewgranolabars,evenafewpiecesoffreshfruitwould
do.Anyofthesearebetteralternativesthanskippingbreakfast.Thisisalsoagoodsuggestionforthose
watchingtheirweight,becauseifyouskipbreakfastyouremorelikelytobingelaterintheday.Andyou
certainlywontbehelpingyourselfimprovementbygainingunwantedweight.SelfImprovementTip
3whenyougoplaces,evenifyoufinditabitdifficultatfirst,smilesmoreatotherpeople.Justcurveyour
lipsupabitasyoumakeeyecontactwithanotherhumanbeing.Itsreallythatsimple.Thiswillnotonlylift
yourspiritsasyouseeagoodmanypeoplesmileback,butitwillliftotherpeoplesaswell.Eventheones
whoaretooshytosmileback.SelfImprovementTip4Dontprocrastinate!Themoreyouputsomethingoff
andsomethingelseoff,themoreallyourundesirablechorespileup.Untiltheybecomeaninsurmountable
taskthatwouldmakeapaidcleaningcrewshudder.Infacttakethesechoresandworkthemintoyour
schedulesoyouwillbesuretodothem.SelfImprovementTip5Ifyoudontalreadykeepascheduleor
makeyourselfatodolisteachnight,thisisyourcuetostart.Atodolisthelpsyougetthingsdonebecause
itgivesyouaurgent"mustdothistoday"attitude.Itwillalsohelpyourememberthingsthatyoumight
haveotherwiseforgotten.Youcanputthingsonthemthatyoureafraidofforgetting,orwanttomakesure
youmaketimefor.SelfImprovementTip6ThisisbyfarthemostimportantselfimprovementtipIcould
giveyou.ForgiveandForget.Eitherimaginedorrealslightsshouldalwaysbeforgiven.Toforgetthemis
tonotdwellonthemandnotremembertheangryfeelingsifyoueverlookbackonthatmoment.Letme
justtellyouthis:Holdingagrudgewillnothurtthebegrudgedasmuchasitwillhurtyouandyour
personality.Aswellasyourexistingrelationships.7
8. 8.Ifthereareanyancientorrecentriftsorfightsbetweenyouandarelative,friend,orspousethat
arehurtingyourrelationshiporhaveendeditentirely,makeamends.Thislifeistheonlylifeyouget,well
neverknowwhenitllbeourorthebegrudgedpersonstimetodie,andbythenitwillbetoolatetosay"Im
Sorry".Sopickupthephoneorwalkuptothatpersonandapologize,evenifitwasntyourfault.Thismay
bethelastchanceyoullgettomakeamends.Youwillbesurprisedatthefeelingyoullgetafterfixingthings

upbetweenyou.Asifaburdenhasbeenliftedoffyourshoulders.Thisisdefinitelyasteptowardsself
improvement.SelfImprovementTip7Dosomethingkindforsomeoneelse.Today!Notjustonabirthday
oranniversary,butspontaneously.Buyaroseorotherflowerforafriendandtellthemitsjust"because".
Becausetheymeanalottoyou,andbecauseyoucareforthem.Tellyourfamilyandfriendsthatyoulove
them.Offertohelpafriendwithachore.Babysitforsomeoneyouknowsotheycanhaveanightout.Help
teachayoungniece/nephew,son/daughter,brother/sister,etc....howtoreadordosomeother"grownup"
thing.Thelistofthingsyoucandoisendless,andImsureyoucanprocuresomeideasofyourownon
thesubject.NowforyourconvenienceIvesummedupallsevenselfimprovementtips:1.Getupearlyand
jogorwatchsunrise2.Eatbreakfast3.Smileatstrangerswhenyoumakeeyecontact4.Dont
procrastinate5.KeepascheduleorToDolist6.ForgiveothersandForgivepastwrongs7.Dosomething
forsomeoneelseBUILDINGAPLEASINGPERSONALITYNapoleonHilldescribesapleasing
personalityasthepersonalitythatattracts.Hesaysthatyourpersonalityisthesumtotalofyourown
characteristicsandappearancesthatdistinguishyou8
9. 9.fromallothers.Theclothesyouwear,thelinesinyourface,thetoneofyourvoice,thethoughtsyou
think,thecharacteryouhavedevelopedbythosethoughtsallconstitutepartofyourpersonality.The
factorsofapleasingpersonalityarelistedbelow:1.Positivementalattitude2.Tolerance3.Alertness4.
Commoncourtesy5.Afondnessofpeople6.Flexibility7.Tactfulness8.Personalmagnetism9.A
pleasanttoneofvoice10.Controloffacialexpressions11.Sportsmanship12.Sincerity13.Senseof
humor14.Humilityoftheheart15.Smiling16.Enthusiasm17.Controloftemperandemotions18.
Patience19.ProperdressBuildingSelfConfidenceSelfconfidenceisextremelyimportantinalmostevery
aspectofourlives,yetsomanypeoplestruggletofindit.Sadly,thiscanbeaviciouscircle:Peoplewho
lackselfconfidencecanfinditdifficulttobecomesuccessful.Afterall,mostpeoplearereluctanttobacka
projectthatsbeingpitchedbysomeonewhowasnervous,fumblingandoverlyapologetic.9
10. 10.Ontheotherhand,youmightbepersuadedbysomeonewhospeaksclearly,whoholdshisorher
headhigh,whoanswersquestionsassuredly,andwhoreadilyadmitswhenheorshedoesnotknow
something.Selfconfidentpeopleinspireconfidenceinothers:theiraudience,theirpeers,theirbosses,
theircustomers,andtheirfriends.Andgainingtheconfidenceofothersisoneofthekeywaysinwhicha
selfconfidentpersonfindssuccess.Thegoodnewsisthatselfconfidencereallycanbelearnedandbuilt
on.And,whetheryoureworkingonyourownselfconfidenceorbuildingtheconfidenceofpeoplearound
you,itswellworththeeffort!Sohowconfidentdoyouseemtoothers?Yourlevelofselfconfidencecan
showinmanyways:yourbehavior,yourbodylanguage,howyouspeak,whatyousay,andsoon.Lookat
thefollowingcomparisonsofcommonconfidentbehaviorwithbehaviorassociatedwithlowself
confidence.Whichthoughtsoractionsdoyourecognizeinyourselfandpeoplearoundyou?SelfConfident
LowSelfConfidenceDoingwhatyoubelievetoberight,evenifothersGoverningyourbehaviorbasedon
whatotherpeoplemockorcriticizeyouforit.think.Beingwillingtotakerisksandgotheextramile
toStayinginyourcomfortzone,fearingfailureandsoachievebetterthings.avoidtakingrisks.Admitting
yourmistakes,andlearningfromthem.Workinghardtocoverupmistakesandhopingthatyoucanfixthe
problembeforeanyonenotices.WaitingforotherstocongratulateyouonyourExtollingyourownvirtues
asoftenaspossibletoasaccomplishments.manypeopleaspossible.Acceptingcomplimentsgraciously.
Thanks,IreallyDismissingcomplimentsoffhandedly.Ohthatworkedhardonthatprospectus.Im
pleasedyouprospectuswasnothingreally,anyonecouldhaverecognizemyefforts.doneit.Asyoucan
seefromtheseexamples,lowselfconfidencecanbeselfdestructive,anditoftenmanifestsitselfas
negativity.Selfconfidentpeoplearegenerallymorepositivetheybelieveinthemselvesandtheir
abilities,andtheyalsobelieveinlivinglifetothefull.WhatisSelfConfidence?Twomainthings
contributetoselfconfidence:selfefficacyandselfesteem.Wegainasenseofselfefficacywhenwesee
ourselves(andotherssimilartoourselves)masteringskillsandachievinggoalsthatmatterinthoseskill
areas.Thisistheconfidencethat,ifwelearnandworkhardinaparticulararea,wellsucceedanditsthis
typeofconfidencethatleadspeopletoacceptdifficultchallenges,andpersistinthefaceofsetbacks.10
11. 11.Thisoverlapswiththeideaofselfesteem,whichisamoregeneralsensethatwecancopewith
whatsgoingoninourlives,andthatwehavearighttobehappy.Partly,thiscomesfromafeelingthat
thepeoplearoundusapproveofus,whichwemayormaynotbeabletocontrol.However,italsocomes
fromthesensethatwearebehavingvirtuously,thatwerecompetentatwhatwedo,andthatwecan
competesuccessfullywhenweputourmindstoit.Somepeoplebelievethatselfconfidencecanbebuilt
withaffirmationsandpositivethinking.AtMindTools,webelievethattheressometruthinthis,butthatits
justasimportanttobuildselfconfidencebysettingandachievinggoalstherebybuildingcompetence.
Withoutthisunderlyingcompetence,youdonthaveselfconfidence:youhaveshallowoverconfidence,
withalloftheissues,upsetandfailurethatthisbrings.BuildingSelfConfidenceSohowdoyoubuildthis
senseofbalancedselfconfidence,foundedonafirmappreciationofreality?Thebadnewsisthattheres

noquickfix,or5minutesolution.Thegoodnewsisthatbuildingselfconfidenceisreadilyachievable,just
aslongasyouhavethefocusanddeterminationtocarrythingsthrough.Andwhatsevenbetteristhatthe
thingsyoulldotobuildselfconfidencewillalsobuildsuccessafterall,yourconfidencewillcomefrom
real,solidachievement.Noonecantakethisawayfromyou!Sohereareourthreestepstoselfconfidence,
forwhichwellusethemetaphorofajourney:preparingforyourjourneysettingoutandaccelerating
towardssuccess.Step1:PreparingforYourJourneyThefirststepinvolvesgettingyourselfreadyforyour
journeytoselfconfidence.Youneedtotakestockofwhereyouare,thinkaboutwhereyouwanttogo,get
yourselfintherightmindsetforyourjourney,andcommityourselftostartingitandstayingwithit.In
preparingforyourjourney,dothesefivethings:Lookatwhatyouvealreadyachieved:Thinkaboutyour
lifesofar,andlistthetenbestthingsyouveachievedinan"AchievementLog."Perhapsyoucametopin
animportanttestorexam,playedakeyroleinanimportantteam,producedthebestsalesfiguresina
period,didsomethingthatmadeakeydifferenceinsomeoneelseslife,ordeliveredaprojectthatmeanta
lotforyourbusiness.Puttheseintoasmartlyformatteddocument,whichyoucanlookatoften.Andthen
spendafewminuteseachweekenjoyingthesuccessyouvealreadyhad!Thinkaboutyourstrengths:11
12. 12.Next,useatechniquelikeSWOTAnalysis(explorepersonalSWOTAnalysishere)totakealookat
whoandwhereyouare.LookingatyourAchievementLog,andreflectingonyourrecentlife,thinkabout
whatyourfriendswouldconsidertobeyourstrengthsandweaknesses.Fromthese,thinkabout
theopportunitiesandthreatsyouface.Makesurethatyouenjoyafewminutesreflectingonyour
strengths!Thinkaboutwhatsimportanttoyou,andwhereyouwanttogo:Next,thinkaboutthethingsthat
arereallyimportanttoyou,andwhatyouwanttoachievewithyourlife.Settingandachievinggoalsisa
keypartofthis,andrealselfconfidencecomesfromthis.Goalsettingistheprocessyouusetosetyourself
targets,andmeasureyoursuccessfulhittingofthosetargets.Seeourarticleongoalsettingtofindouthow
tousethisimportanttechnique,oruseourLifePlanWorkbooktothinkthroughyourowngoalsindetail
(see"Tip"below).InformyourgoalsettingwithyourSWOTAnalysis.Setgoalsthatexploityour
strengths,minimizeyourweaknesses,realizeyouropportunities,andcontrolthethreatsyouface.And
havingsetthemajorgoalsinyourlife,identifythefirststepineach.Atip:Makesureitsaverysmallstep,
perhapstakingnomorethananhourtocomplete!Startmanagingyourmind:Atthisstage,youneedtostart
managingyourmind.Learntopickupanddefeatthenegativeselftalkwhichcandestroyyourconfidence.
Seeourarticleonrationalpositivethinkingtofindouthowtodothis.Furtherusefulreadingincludesour
articleonimagerythisteachesyouhowtouseandcreatestrongmentalimagesofwhatyoullfeeland
experienceasyouachieveyourmajorgoalstheressomethingaboutdoingthisthatmakesevenmajor
goalsseemachievable!Andthencommityourselftosuccess!Thefinalpartofpreparingforthejourneyis
tomakeaclearandunequivocalpromisetoyourselfthatyouareabsolutelycommittedtoyourjourney,and
thatyouwilldoallinyourpowertoachieveit.Ifasyouredoingit,youfinddoubtsstartingtosurface,
writethemdownandchallengethemcalmlyandrationally.Iftheydissolveunderscrutiny,thatsgreat.
Howeveriftheyarebasedongenuinerisks,makesureyousetadditionalgoalstomanagethese
appropriately.Forhelpwithevaluatingandmanagingtherisksyouface,readourRiskAnalysisand
Managementarticle.Eitherway,makethatpromise!Tip:BalancedSelfConfidenceSelfconfidenceis
aboutbalance.Atoneextreme,wehavepeoplewithlowselfconfidence.Attheotherend,wehavepeople
whomaybeoverconfident.12
13. 13.Ifyouareunderconfident,youllavoidtakingrisksandstretchingyourselfandyoumightnottryat
all.Andifyoureoverconfident,youmaytakeontoomuchrisk,stretchyourselfbeyondyour
capabilities,andcrashbadly.Youmayalsofindthatyouresooptimisticthatyoudonttryhardenoughto
trulysucceed.Gettingthisrightisamatterofhavingtherightamountofconfidence,foundedinrealityand
onyourtrueability.Withtherightamountofselfconfidence,youwilltakeinformedrisks,stretchyourself
(butnotbeyondyourabilities)andtryhard.SoHowSelfConfidentAreYou?Takeourshortquiztofind
outhowselfconfidentyouarealready,andstartlookingatspecificstrategiestoimproveyourconfidence
level.Step2:SettingOutThisiswhereyoustart,eversoslowly,movingtowardsyourgoal.Bydoingthe
rightthings,andstartingwithsmall,easywins,youllputyourselfonthepathtosuccessandstart
buildingtheselfconfidencethatcomeswiththis.Buildtheknowledgeyouneedtosucceed:Lookingatyour
goals,identifytheskillsyoullneedtoachievethem.Andthenlookathowyoucanacquiretheseskills
confidentlyandwell.Dontjustacceptasketchy,justgoodenoughsolutionlookforasolution,a
programoracoursethatfullyequipsyoutoachievewhatyouwanttoachieveand,ideally,givesyoua
certificateorqualificationyoucanbeproudof.Focusonthebasics:Whenyourestarting,donttrytodo
anythingcleverorelaborate.Anddontreachforperfectionjustenjoydoingsimplethingssuccessfully
andwell.Setsmallgoals,andachievethem:Startingwiththeverysmallgoalsyouidentifiedinstep1,get
inthehabitofsettingthem,achievingthem,andcelebratingthatachievement.Dontmakegoals
particularlychallengingatthisstage,justgetintothehabitofachievingthemandcelebratingthem.And,

littlebylittle,startpilingupthesuccesses!Keepmanagingyourmind:Stayontopofthatpositivethinking,
keepcelebratingandenjoyingsuccess,andkeepthosementalimagesstrong.Youcanalsouseatechnique
likeTreasureMappingtomakeyourvisualizationsevenstronger!Andontheotherside,learntohandle
failure.Acceptthatmistakeshappenwhenyouretryingsomethingnew.Infact,ifyougetintothehabitof
treatingmistakesaslearningexperiences,youcan(almost)starttoseetheminapositivelight.Afterall,
theresalottobesaidforthesayingifitdoesntkillyou,itmakesyoustronger!Step3:Accelerating
TowardsSuccess13
14. 14.Bythisstage,youllfeelyourselfconfidencebuilding.Youllhavecompletedsomeofthecourses
youstartedinstep2,andyoullhaveplentyofsuccesstocelebrate!Thisisthetimetostartstretching
yourself.Makethegoalsabitbigger,andthechallengesabittougher.Increasethesizeofyour
commitment.Andextendtheskillsyouveprovenintonew,butcloselyrelatedarenas.Tip1:Keepyourself
groundedthisiswherepeopletendtogetoverconfidentandoverstretchthemselves.Andmakesureyou
dontstartenjoyingclevernessforitsownsakeTip2:Ifyouhaventalreadylookedatit,useourHow
SelfConfidentAreYou?quiztofindouthowselfconfidentyouare,andtoidentifyspecificstrategiesfor
buildingselfconfidence.Aslongasyoukeeponstretchingyourselfenough,butnottoomuch,youllfind
yourselfconfidencebuildingapace.Whatsmore,youllhaveearnedyourselfconfidencebecauseyoull
haveputinthehardgraftnecessarytobesuccessful!Goalsettingisarguablythemostimportantskillyou
canlearntoimproveyourselfconfidence.Ifyouhaventalreadyreadandappliedourgoalsettingarticle,
youcanreadithere.10WaystoInstantlyBuildSelfConfidenceSelfconfidenceisthedifferencebetween
feelingunstoppableandfeelingscaredoutofyourwits.Yourperceptionofyourselfhasanenormous
impactonhowothersperceiveyou.Perceptionisrealitythemoreselfconfidenceyouhave,themore
likelyitisyoullsucceed.Althoughmanyofthefactorsaffectingselfconfidencearebeyondyourcontrol,
thereareanumberofthingsyoucanconsciouslydotobuildselfconfidence.Byusingthese10strategies
youcangetthementaledgeyouneedtoreachyourpotential.BuildSelfConfidence1.DressSharpAlthough
clothesdontmaketheman,theycertainlyaffectthewayhefeelsabouthimself.Nooneismoreconscious
ofyourphysicalappearancethanyouare.Whenyoudontlookgood,itchangesthewayyoucarry
yourselfandinteractwithotherpeople.Usethistoyouradvantagebytakingcareofyour
personalappearance.Inmostcases,significantimprovementscanbemadebybathingandshaving
frequently,wearingcleanclothes,andbeingcognizantofthelateststyles.Thisdoesntmeanyouneedto
spendalotonclothes.Onegreatruletofollowisspendtwiceasmuch,buyhalfasmuch.Ratherthan
buyingabunchofcheapclothes,buyhalfasmanyselect,highquality14
15. 15.items.Inlongrunthisdecreasesspendingbecauseexpensiveclotheswearoutlesseasilyandstayin
stylelongerthancheapclothes.Buyinglessalsohelpsreducetheclutterinyourcloset.2.WalkFasterOne
oftheeasiestwaystotellhowapersonfeelsaboutherselfistoexamineherwalk.Isitslow?tired?
painful?Orisitenergeticandpurposeful?Peoplewithconfidencewalkquickly.Theyhaveplacesto
go,peopletosee,andimportantworktodo.Evenifyouarentinahurry,youcanincreaseyour
selfconfidencebyputtingsomepepinyourstep.Walking25%fasterwillmaketoyoulookandfeel
moreimportant.3.GoodPostureSimilarly,thewayapersoncarriesherselftellsastory.Peoplewith
slumpedshouldersandlethargicmovementsdisplayalackofselfconfidence.Theyarententhusiastic
aboutwhattheyredoingandtheydontconsiderthemselvesimportant.Bypracticinggoodposture,youll
automaticallyfeelmoreconfident.Standupstraight,keepyourheadup,andmakeeyecontact.Youll
makeapositiveimpressiononothersandinstantlyfeelmorealertandempowered.4.Personal
CommercialOneofthebestwaystobuildconfidenceislisteningtoamotivationalspeech.
Unfortunately,opportunitiestolistentoagreatspeakerarefewandfarbetween.Youcanfillthisneedby
creatingapersonalcommercial.Writea3060secondspeechthathighlightsyourstrengthsandgoals.Then
reciteitinfrontofthemirroraloud(orinsideyourheadifyouprefer)wheneveryouneedaconfidence
boost.5.GratitudeWhenyoufocustoomuchonwhatyouwant,themindcreatesreasonswhyyoucant
haveit.Thisleadsyoutodwellonyourweaknesses.Thebestwaytoavoidthisisconsciouslyfocusingon
gratitude.Setasidetimeeachdaytomentallylisteverythingyouhavetobegratefulfor.Recallyourpast
successes,uniqueskills,lovingrelationships,andpositivemomentum.Youllbeamazedhowmuchyou
havegoingforyouandmotivatedtotakethatnextsteptowardssuccess.6.ComplimentotherpeopleWhen
wethinknegativelyaboutourselves,weoftenprojectthatfeelingontoothersintheformofinsultsand
gossip.Tobreakthiscycleofnegativity,getinthehabitofpraisingotherpeople.Refusetoengage
inbackstabbinggossipandmakeanefforttocomplimentthosearoundyou.Intheprocess,youll
becomewelllikedandbuildselfconfidence.Bylookingforthebestinothers,youindirectlybringoutthe
bestinyourself.7.SitinthefrontrowInschools,offices,andpublicassembliesaroundtheworld,people
constantlystrivetositatthebackoftheroom.Mostpeoplepreferthebackbecausetheyreafraidofbeing
noticed.Thisreflectsalackofselfconfidence.Bydecidingtositinthefrontrow,youcangetoverthis

irrationalfearandbuildyourselfconfidence.Youllalsobemorevisibletotheimportantpeopletalking
fromthefrontoftheroom.15
16. 16.8.SpeakupDuringgroupdiscussionsmanypeopleneverspeakupbecausetheyreafraidthatpeople
willjudgethemforsayingsomethingstupid.Thisfearisntreallyjustified.Generally,peoplearemuch
moreacceptingthanweimagine.Infactmostpeoplearedealingwiththeexactsamefears.Bymakingan
efforttospeakupatleastonceineverygroupdiscussion,youllbecomeabetterpublicspeaker,more
confidentinyourownthoughts,andrecognizedasaleaderbyyourpeers.9.WorkoutAlongthesamelines
aspersonalappearance,physicalfitnesshasahugeeffectonselfconfidence.Ifyoureoutofshape,youll
feelinsecure,unattractive,andlessenergetic.Byworkingout,youimproveyourphyscialappearance,
energizeyourself,andaccomplishsomethingpositive.Havingthedisciplinetoworkoutnotonlymakes
youfeelbetter,itcreatespositivemomentumthatyoucanbuildontherestoftheday.10.Focuson
contributionToooftenwegetcaughtupinourowndesires.Wefocustoomuchonourselvesandnot
enoughontheneedsofotherpeople.Ifyoustopthinkingaboutyourselfandconcentrateonthe
contributionyouremakingtotherestoftheworld,youwontworryasmuchaboutyouownflaws.This
willincreaseselfconfidenceandallowyoutocontributewithmaximumefficiency.Themoreyou
contributetotheworldthemoreyoullberewardedwithpersonalsuccessandrecognition.Recognizeyour
insecurities.Whatdoesthatvoiceinthebackofyourmindsay?Whatmakesyouashamedofyourself?
Thiscouldbeanythingfromacne,toregrets,orfriendsatschool.Whateverismakingyoufeelunworthy,
ashamed,orinferior,identifyit,giveitaname,andwriteitdown.Youcanalsotearthesewrittenpiecesto
startfeelingpositiveonthosepoints.aTalkaboutitwithfriendsandlovedones.Wearitonyoursleeve.
Eachdayyoushouldchipawayatitwearitdown.Theresnoquickfix.Gettotherootoftheproblem
focusonitandunderstandthatyouneedtoresolveeachissuebeforeyoucanmoveon.Andthatdoesnt
meanyouhavetogetridofwhatevermakesyoufeelbad(manytimes,yousimplycant).Youneedtolearn
toacceptyourself,yourpast,yourcircumstancesastheyare,withoutnecessarilythinkingofthemas
"bad".c3Rememberthatnooneisperfect.Eventhemostconfidentpeoplehaveinsecurities.Atsome
pointinanyofourlives,wemayfeelwelacksomething.Thatisreality.Learnthatlifeisfullofbumps
downtheroad.r4Identifyyoursuccesses.Everyoneisgoodatsomething,sodiscoverthethingsatwhich
youexcel,thenfocusonyourtalents.Giveyourselfpermissiontotakeprideinthem.Giveyourselfcredit
foryoursuccesses.Inferiorityisastateofmindinwhichyouvedeclaredyourselfavictim.Donotallow
yourselftobevictimized.Expressyourself,whetheritsthroughart,music,writing,etc.Findsomethingyou
enjoy.Everyoneisbornwithtalentsandstrengths.Youcandevelopandexcelinyours.Ifitsdifficultto
nametwoorthreethingsyouhavesomeabilityinorjustplainlovetodo,thinkaboutthingsothersdothat
you16
17. 17.wouldliketodotooandtakesomelessonsorjoinanenthusiastsclub.Whenyourefollowing
yourpassion,notonlywillithaveatherapeuticeffect,butyoullfeeluniqueandaccomplished,allof
whichcanhelpbuildyourselfconfidence.Plus,addingavarietyofintereststoyourlifewillnotonlymake
youmoreconfident,butitwillincreaseyourchancesofmeetingcompatiblefriends!m5Bethankfulfor
whatyouhave.Alotofthetimes,attherootofinsecurityandlackofconfidenceisafeelingofnothaving
enoughofsomething,whetheritsemotionalvalidation,goodluck,money,etc.Byacknowledgingand
appreciatingwhatyoudohave,youcancombatthefeelingofbeingincompleteandunsatisfied.Finding
thatinnerpeacewilldowondersforyourconfidence.u6BePositive,evenifyoudontfeelthesameway.
Avoidselfpity,orthepityandsympathyofothers.Neverallowotherstomakeyoufeelinferiortheycan
onlydosoifyouletthem.Ifyoucontinuetoloatheandbelittleyourself,othersaregoingtodoandbelieve
likewise.Instead,speakpositivelyaboutyourself,aboutyourfuture,andaboutyourprogress.Donotbe
afraidtoprojectyourstrengthsandqualitiestoothers.Bydoingso,youreinforcethoseideasinyourmind
andencourageyourgrowthinapositivedirection.d7Acceptcomplimentsgracefully.Dontrollyoureyes
andsay,"Yeah,right,"orshrugitoff.Takeittoheartandrespondpositively("Thankyou"andasmile
workswell).8Lookinthemirrorandsmile.Studiessurroundingwhatscalledthe"facialfeedbacktheory"
suggestthattheexpressionsonyourfacecanactuallyencourageyourbraintoregistercertainemotions.So
bylookinginthemirrorandsmilingeveryday,youmightfeelhappierwithyourselfandmoreconfident
inthelongrun.Fakeit.Alongthesamelinesofsmilingtomakeyourselffeelhappy,actingconfidentmight
actuallymakeyoubelieveit.Pretendyoureacompletelyconfidentversionofyougothroughthemotions
andseehowyoufeel!hSticktoyourprinciples.Itmightbetough,butifyoudonthavesomethingyoucan
believein,youdonthaveanything.Ifyoudontstandforsomething,youwillfallforanything.Nomatter
whatshappenedinyourlife,youcanalwayslayclaimtothefactthatfromthisdayforward,youve
followedyourprinciplestothebestofyourability.y11Helpothers.Whenyouknowyourekindtothe
peoplearoundyou,andaremakingapositivedifferenceinotherpeopleslives(evenifitsjustbeingkinder
tothepersonwhoservesyoucoffeeinthemorning),youllknowthatyouareapositiveforceintheworld

whichwillboostyourselfconfidence.Justrecognizingwhoorwhatyourelikeinsidewillhelpyoubecome
thatontheoutside.Exercisehelpsyoubuildstrengthandconfidence,increaseslibido,andhasmanyother
positiveeffects.b12Alwayskeepasmileonyourface,thatwillbuildalotofselfconfidenceA13Share
yourknowledge&yourexperiencewithothers17
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