Date: 2010-12-13 16:41:41

Title: 12/13/10
Father in heaven thank you for my kids thank you for the time you have
given me with them may they know the gospel ask for Your Spirit.. i
pray you fill us with Your Spirit let Your voice be clear in our
hearts.. give us a desire to seek Your Word both written and active...
may you put people in our paths open doors for us to share the News of
Your Sons resurrection and Your return to establish Your kingdom on
earth... Let us not be deceived by impostors... But recognize You the
true Creator of the universe.. This is all yours including myself and
every thing that we see... please forgive us for all our sins and
iniquities.. empower us by Your Desire Your Will Your Spirit... Give
me the desires of my heart... Your Desires... Not my fleshy desire...
not the worlds desires. but Your Spirits Desires... Conform me to the
image of Christ.. in Yeshuas (Jesus) name... amen..
i am not perfect but i am seeking His perfection... i know that His
will is not this world will.....
Mems...
i remember thinking when i was 10, 11 yrs old i would consider
marriage and having children... i knew this was going to happen felt
it in my heart... at the time i knew not of my marriage to Christ.. i
was considering it in my flesh as a \"man\"... Funny how sometimes we
see the shadow before the actual...
i had always put my faith for my peace on a spouse to provide
emotional security.. the sense of family.. someone who truly loved
me... this was a very hard thing for me to repent of.. i was going
from girl to girl looking for that person to fill me to become one ...
yet they all fell short because of sin nature... not having the
Spirit.. and i was trusting in women for that peace that only the Lord
can give...
this is part of my growth and knowledge of the Lord....
i was living with friends in seeing a girl (WK i pray that you will
Know Him)... she was petite blond very beautiful.. i was soo in
\"love\"..so one day she comes to me and says my girlfriends are
throwing me a birthday party tonight so i am not going to be around we
will get back together tomorrow.. i felt a lil insecure but i agreed
and she left i went about my day.. Later on that day my buddies say
hey there is a back road party tonight.... you wanna go? i agree and
we leave about dark.... So we show up at boxford... i think that was
the name of the road... dirt road cars all over the place... tires
burning.. people drunk and loud... within seconds of getting out of
the car someone comes up to me and says (wk)is here.. i scratched my
head but was excited to see my baby.. so i walk up to where i was told
she was to see her making out with \"dude\"... i lost it.. launched my
beer can at them and was jumped by a bunch of their friends my friends
fled. dispersed dissolved.. i remember being on my back on the ground
looking up at a circle of guys.. and saying something to the effect of
you can have her.. i crawled into the back of the car destroyed in
darkness...
the next day she called me asked if she could come over... i was not
interested... i moved back to my Moms house... that night as i lie on
the couch in the living room destroyed and betrayed with no longer any
faith in women, myself and my fellow man.. i stare up at the ceiling
but was looking through it praying to my Creator... not even audibly

with incredible despair i said... i cannot do this anymore i cannot

live this life... i am making horrible decisions... i give up... then
for the first time in my life i was filled with such peace such
comfort i was filled with joy and love and security... i had never
experienced such things... at peace i fell asleep...
it was right after this my Mom and Aunt Becky got me a bible and a
ticket to Alabama where i moved a little bit closer to Him yet not
even close to finished... He still works in me.. refining my
personality changing my desires... i no longer hold faith in anyone
except Christ... I mess up you mess up.. all over the place... He
sanctifies He processes He is the Creator..... i am His workmanship...
for those reading with His Spirit pray that you would pray for me that
His work would be unhindered by my \"Self\"...