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How to tackle negativity? (C) Prem Nirmal

Q: Why do I feel negative at times? How are the patterns of negativity formed?
A: Anybody who has experienced negativity knows what negativity is. It is the feeling of contraction
or shrinkage that does not allow the positive expressions of life. Even a small amount of negativity,
at times, is enough to reduce positive qualities and expressions of life viz. enthusiasm, positivity,
sharing etc. Negativity, in its extreme conditions, reflects as feelings of repulsion, resistance to
change, depression, suicidal tendencies etc. All of us know very well the negative effects of
"Negativity" on life! It may reflect in relationships, works place or any other aspect of life. One thing is
sure, wherever it reflects, it creates troubles at times, it can create havoc! During last twenty-five
years of counseling and training, and with my association with thousands of people, I had been
doing research on "Understanding Negativity and its effects" & "How to create Positivity & Harmony"
which I still continue with utmost sincerity and enthusiasm; to find out exactly; the cause and the
remedy of negativity. To a great extent I have understood few basic things about "Negativity", from
where and how it comes, and why it erupts like a volcano in relationships at the most unexpected
timesI am sharing these thoughts with you through this article, simply to enhance our
understanding and take it to the higher levelsbeyond negativity. Here are some of the basic ideas
from my research work

Negativity Within: At the first instance, the "Negativity" is seen within as a "Negative Thought or
"Negative Feeling" which is yet to develop and come to the conscious mind. It is just the energy
cloud yet to gather enough energy. Once it gains sufficient energy due to unconsciously entertaining
that thought or feeling, it reflects in our conscious mind and it may be noticed consciously for the first
time. If it is not removed consciously at this point of time by keeping check on our thoughts and
emotions, it may spread its roots, to grip us and as we put more and more energy into it (of course
unconsciously, by allowing and entertaining negative thoughts and feelings), it grows within and now
it is seen and felt outside by others too. Others may, at this stage, perceive it as stress, irritations,
minor behavioral changes such as sudden introvertedness, non-participation in life in an enthusiastic
manner, or simply lack of optimism, sharing and liveliness. When a person remains in such state for
relatively longer period, it becomes a pattern, which is a groove in which one can easily fall by any
internal or external stimulus. If it is not taken care of at this stage, and allowed to continue, the
pattern becomes very firm and with it the degree of negativity goes on increasing. It is this higher
degree of negativity that may reflect as volcanic eruptions in certain situations.
Q: How do I handle or come out of negativity in Relationships?
A: Negativity within reflecting in relationships is natural, but the interesting part of this research is
what "ignites" it and how it is "transferred" to others around. Here are some interesting pointers
Communication is one of the basic aspects to improve the relationships. But before we
communicate, we need to create the environment for communication. If the environment is not
created, communication may not click as per your expectations. So, it is very important that we
create the proper environment, physically, psychologically and emotionally.
"Conflicting communication styles" is the most common cause that ignites the negativity in
relationships. A simple rule of communication is "First establish the contacts and then talk". If this
rule is not followed, it can ignite a lot of negativity. Some people are so unconscious that they never
bother to establish contacts and confirm the attention of others while talking. This results into
"irritations".
Remedy: Follow the rule: Always establish contacts, confirm and then talk. (Otherwise, it is better,
not to talk.) Proper communication happens in proper environment. So it is very important to create
proper environment by removing distractions. Watching TV, reading newspaper, loud music; sound
of running water from the tap (if you are at the basin) are some of the common distractions while
communicating.
"Words" we use in our communication should be selected carefully. People with poor language are
known for irritating others. Even though importance of words in communication is only 7%, we still
need to select them carefully so as not to hurt others feelings. The importance of "Voice" or "Tone" is
38% in communication. This may become the major irritant for others if the voice quality is improper
or words are delivered harshly. Because of unawareness, many people fail to realize how they put
negative emotions in their tone and invite negative response from people around. (This may be

because of the learned reflex from childhood). They keep wondering why they invite negativity!
Usually, very few people are aware of their voice quality and hence this is one of the common but
unconscious aspects of negativity in relationships.
Remedy: Become aware of your voice or tone quality. See if you are unconsciously putting negative
emotions in your tonal quality. Do corrections if necessary. Learn to put positive emotions in your
tone. Take help of mature people around to guide you. Or if you are mature enough to understand
this, record your voice in tape recorder and listen where the mistake is.
The importance of "Body language" is 55%. Most of the negativity in relationships comes from voice
quality and body language, as most people have very specific patterns of voice and body language.
Unless proper efforts are put, these "blind spots" are difficult to remove. During my research, I have
seen many people continue to feel negative in a relationship, but somehow not ready to work on the
cause, which is very clearly seen by the counselor.
Remedy: Become aware of your body language. Do corrections if necessary through conscious
efforts. Take help of mature people around to guide you. You may use video feedback to see and
recognize where you make mistakes in body language. Through awareness and conscious efforts
learn to improve your body language. Once again take video feedback after few days and see the
difference.
Another common cause of negativity in relationships is communicating without specifying the
context. If you talk out of context, it keeps the other person wondering! Also, out of context
communication is most easily misinterpreted.
Remedy: Always specify in what context you are talking, make it clear and then communicate.
"Stress" is another major cause of negativity in relationships. A stressful person, who finds it difficult
to cop up with added responsibility, can easily buckle under the pressure of negativity which can
unleash the chain reaction.
Remedy: always take care of stress management routines, proper sleep, diet and exercise
schedules.
"Arguments" are the common cause of negativity in relationships. The best thing to do with an
argument is to avoid it!"
Undue Advice" is another common cause of irritations in many cultures.
Remedy: Never give advice to others unless otherwise asked for.

All the above mentioned factors can be easily taken care. Introspect daily and do necessary
corrections. Ask for the feedback from the people who matter in your life. Be open to listen! Do not
close down when you get feedback from them. Look into the areas where you need to change.
But how do we recognize who are the mature people around? You can recognize mature people
through their behavior. Here are few pointers to recognize them
1) They never criticize, condemn or complain.
2) They have extraordinary poise in their personality.
3) They never give advice to others unless otherwise asked for.
4) Even when they are asked to give critical feedback for improvement, they always follow
"Sandwich Technique". The `first layer of butter' is appreciation of what one is doing right. The
`second layer of chutney' is the area of improvement; the `third layer of butter' is showing the
advantage of change in appreciative manner and motivating the person to do it in positive manner.
5) Mature people have become mature through regular spiritual purification techniques of Earth,
Water, Air, Fire and Space and they do Kriya and Meditation regularly.
Spiritual Insights into Negativity:
We need, first of all a new kind of understanding to handle negativity. Consider the example of a bar
magnet. It has a south pole and a north pole. When we are talking of separating negativity from
positivity, it is like separating South Pole from North Pole. What happens when we try to do so? If we
cut the magnet from the center point, each piece will develop the missing pole on its own! Nothing
can separate South Pole from North Pole! It is the very nature of this universe. In existence there are
always polar opposites existing simultaneously; like day & night, hot & cold, light & dark .. etc. To
have a perfect balance in the universe, everything is necessary. So we just cannot go on talking only
about positivity and positivity alone because, there are always two sides of the coin. So then why not
accept and face negativity squarely? Have you ever tried that? What happens to negativity when you
face it squarely? If you face it for sufficiently longer time, it will evaporate on its own accord. This is
the greatest secret to handle negativity. We can also look at it from another angle
"Life is like photography, we need negative to develop!" "Swami Beyondananda".
How true this is! We are here on this planet earth to learn lessons. Negativity is the part of the push
we get to move in the right direction! Wherever there is negativity, it is just the indication that we
need to change. So, now can we look at negativity in the positive way of steering our life in the right
direction? It means, to spare more time and talent in those areas wherever there is negativity. This
will help us to understand, how and why interrupts and will also give us some insights about how to
change it.

Here are some tips to tackle negativity instantly.

1) At the onset of negativity, check the nostril, change the nostril.
2) Do 25HB Nirmal Kriya whenever you are caught into negativity and it will evaporate.
3) Take salt water / sea water bath. Or keep your feet in bucket full of salt water.
4) Sweep your aura and let the negativity be sucked by tree or sun or sea.
5) Do rhythmic breathing (3SRB on Radhye-Krishna) for 10 minutes.
6) Watch your breath. Do deep breathing consciously for a while.
7) Do five-step inhalation exercise for oxygenation. (For 1 minute)
8) Do Kapalbhati for one minute.
9) Go for long walk / jogging / swimming in unpolluted environment. Even residual negativity will get
dissipated by brisk walk!

Shivoham,
Om Prem
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