When adopting trans ethically, famili must closely examine their lifestyle and make conscious decisions about how they will live their lives as a multicultural family. Before a child arrives home a family should consider the following: The church you attend- is it racially and ethically diverse? ‘The school the child will attend- is there diversity among the students and staff? Friends of the family- do you have a wide variety of friends? Do you practice what you preach in terms of embracing people of all races? Is your social circle diverse? Do you live in a diverse neighborhood? Will your children feel they are living among ‘others who are like them or will they feel like a minority in their own neighborhood? Do you own books that embrace diversity? Do the pictures in your children’s books show children of all different races and ethnic groups? Do they portray multicultural families? Is the décor in your home diverse? Do you incorporate art work, decorations ..of various ethnic groups? Do you regularly visit restaurants that serve ethnie foo items? and stores that carry ethnic Have you purchased toys for your child that are racially sensitive? Dolls of various ethnic backgrounds. Have you identified role models for your child who are of various races/ethnic backgrounds? Do your typical family activities incorporate multicultural activities? Example-attending A Heritage Days festival, a Chinese New Year’s celebration at the children’s museum, or native African dance performance at the local college. Have you selected doctors and dentist who represent diversity and could be a good role model for your child? Have you selected a beautician/barber for your child who is familiar with your child’s hair type? ‘Are the conversations you have with others racially/ethnically sensitive? Do you make racial microaggressive comments (comments which are subtle, unintentional but create hostility) For example: “When I look at you, I don’t see color” (inferring that a white person doesn’t want to acknowledge race), “You are so articulate” (to a person of color), “Where are you from” (inferring you are not American, you are a foreigner).Raising a Child of Another Race Deliberate Parenting Can Make a Difference by Jana Wolff No guidelines or checklists exist for learning how to instill racial pride in a child who has been adopted transracially. When my husband and I were first looking into adoption, we were mueh more focused on how to get a baby than on how to parent one. We read everything we could find about suecessfully adopting, and spoke to anyone we could on the subject. When we finally became the proud adoptive parents of our son, Ari, we plunged into study once again to learn all that we could from our new gurus: Dr. Spock;, T. Berry Brazelton, Penelope Leach, and many others. Now that Ari is eight, our focus has shifted yet again, this time to a subject that's harder to. master through books. As white parents of a biracial son who is African American and Latino, ‘we find ourselves rushing to stay ahead of our son's blossoming sense of identity, his sense of himself as a unique individual with a particular heritage. We look for answers to questions he might ask, while trying to give him a solid sense of who he is even before he asks. When we first adopted, the wonderful resourees available today did not exist. Sometimes wonder if so much knowledge at the very beginning of the process would have terrified us too much to proceed with a transracial adoption. Still, [am very grateful for the education now; at least we have a pretty clear idea of what we have to do. Transracially adopted children do not have the advantage of learning about their birth culture through everyday cues and bits of knowledge, assimilated almost unconsciously over years, as in single-race families. So the responsibility that parents have to their different-race children ean seem overwhelming. To fulfill that responsibility experts recommend: 0 interacting with people of your child's race o living in multicultural neighborhoods ‘finding same race mentors and role models for your child ‘advocating for unbiased learning materials © confronting racism openly © cooking and eating ethnic dishes ‘© providing special maintenance to hair and skin o celebrating all cultures taking part in homeland tours and culture camps o creating a positive cultural environment at home No blueprint or formula, however, can assure that a child will grow up feeling proud of his or her ethnic heritage, unfortunately for us. We are the kind of people who like making lists and checking things off. We have sent our child to culture eamp, joined diversity groups, read books and gone to workshops, attended cultural festivals as a family. In fact, most parents involved in trans-racial adoptions make similar efforts. We are deliberate parents; we want to do right by our kids. Facing the challenge ‘Ultimately, we have had to come to terms with an inescapable reality: we cannot master ‘transracial parenting, No matter how many things on the list we do, no matter how‘We also realized that our son might not care as much as we do about all this. Parents are sometimes more gung-ho to learn about their children's culture than their children are. After we went to great lengths to find and attend a culture camp with Ari one summer, all he seems to remember is the indoor pool at the motel where we stayed and the candy that was sold in the canteen after lunch. Those were his favorite parts, though, of course, we hope that some of the experiences he doesn't remember also made a lasting impression. Trans-racial kids aren't necessarily motivated to learn all they ean about their birth cultures, any more than, same race children are, but that doesn't negate the importance of the family becoming educated. This continuous effort at making ourselves more racially sensitive and aware, however, edged us toward extremes at times. Once the radar sereen goes on, racism seems to be everywhere In our gusto to do right by Ari, we moved imperceptibly into the zealot zone, overdoing our quest for racial enlightenment. We paid no heed to the effect our new-found passion was having upon our friends, not to mention Ari, neither of which was always good. In our enthusiasm to educate ourselves about Ari's ethnicities, we lost sight of the main goal of enhancing his pride, not ours, in his heritage. Sometimes when I think about the challenges ahead of us, navigating Ari from a little boy to a teenager and then toa man, I get tired enough to nap. Happily, parenting brings rewards aplenty to make the journey most worthwhile, and parenting Ari does seem an extra measure special. Our hope is that Ari one day will make this quest to know his heritage. Parents can nourish. young kids with healthy foods, but young adults pick their own menus. We hope that when ‘that time of searching for himself comes, Ari's early experiences will resonate with a deep meaning, We also want Ari to know how much we eare about who he is, as a unique individual. The bad news is that we will no longer be choosing which elements of his culture get emphasized. We have fun; serious issues don't have to be somber. We even get a kick out of the surprise reactions our mixed family elicits in some people. We cannot help but laugh at some of the ignorance we encounter; and we are a closer family for being on this journey together. Interracial families feel that they sce the world more clearly than others, because we've experienced it from a different angle. We start to believe that we are better than our plain old vanilla counterparts, but then again we're quick to recognize bias, even when it's our own, ‘When all is said and done, I suspect that it's harder to be a trans-racial family; harder on the parents and harder on the children. Like most things in life, though, the greater the challenge, the greater the reward. For us, the challenge of raising a child with a strong and uplifting sense of himself has already been frustrating and demanding, as well as illuminating and enriching, And the journey has barely begun. Jana Wolffis the author of Sectet Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother, (now available in paperback). She lives with her family in Honolulu, Hawaii. Resources for Transracial Families Such a large number of support groups, organizations, magazines, catalogs, websites, culture ‘camps, news groups, books and ither featuring or including transracial adoption-that a comprehensive list cannot be assembled. Thus, instead of including specific resourees for those who have adopted ftom Somalia, China, Cambodia, Russia, India, ete., listed below are a few umbrella resources broadly helpful. Major storehouses of information: North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC) 970 Raymond Ave., Suite 106, St. Paul, MN 55114-1149, (651) 644-3036info@nacac.org www.naeae.org PACT: An Adoption Alliance 4179 Piedmont Avenue, Suite 330, Oakland, CA 94611, (510) 243-9460 info@pactadopt.org www pactadopt.org, New York State Citizens’ Coalition for Children, Ine. 410 East Upland Road, Ithaca, NY 14850 (607) 272-0034 office@nysece.org wwwenyseee.org Internet: Adoptive Families’ Transracial Adoption Web page Parenting inspiration, expert advice, and family photos from AF readers and editors. Find links to the best resourees on transracial adoption below including books, articles, and Web sites. National Adoption Information Clearinghouse Children's Bureau/ACYF 1250 Maryland Avenue, SW, Eighth Floor, Washington, DC 20024 (888) 251-0075 naie@ealiber.com http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/ NAIC also offers for sale an annotated resource guide for videos, tapes, and CDs on adoption. ‘This general reference has a section entitled "International and Cultural Diversity,” listing websites of interest to parents who have adopted transracially. Books: Parenting Resource Manual (available from NACAC) Inside Transracial Adoption ‘There has never been a more comprehensive guide for families whose members don’t “match.” Authors Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall stress the practical over the theoretical, offering specific suggestions and personal advice. They bypass the debate about whether transracial adoption is best for children and move right into strategies for doing a good job. In Their Own Voices ‘The authors of In Their Own Voices interviewed 24 black and biracial men and women, ages 22 to 28. Overall, the participants make a compelling ease for transracial adoption. It’s eles that these adoptees believe their parents love and care for them; they all claim they benefited ‘from being adopted by their families. Yet this overall positive assessment does not diminish the adoptees’ struggles with everything from hairstyles and dating to the deeper, lingering issues of identity and race. Transracial Parenting Project ‘This 300-page manual compiles excellent articles by experts, seasoned parents, and youth on topics such as parenting skills; youth perspective; medieal/hair eare; culture camps; cultural ‘competence within agencies; racism; and an extensive resource directory that includes an annotated listing of books, videos, support groups, and websites. Struggle for Identity: Issues in Transracial Adoption This thought provoking 20-minute video informs adoptive and foster parents, as well as professionals, about what it feels like to grow up transracially adopted. Copies can be ordered. from: PhotoSynthesis Productions 418 North Tioga Street, Ithaea, NY 14850 (607) 272-4242 © 2000 Copyright Adoptive Families Magazine. Reproduction in whole or in part withoutexemplary we ourselves might be as role models, no matter how much we love our sons and daughters, we cannot be our child's color and part of his or her cultural heritage. Once we aecepted that we could never parent our child perfectly, this apparently discouraging news actually liberated us. Once we acknowledged the challenges facing us, we could reduce the tasks into manageable pieces. Then we did what all parents do: try hard, stay in the game, and hope for the best. Acknowledging that transracial parenting is an inexact seience, we've learned some important lessons along the way. Diversity is not enough. Diversity is good, just not enough, if it does not include someone a child can identify with directly. We live in a very diverse community, with neighbors from China, Samoa, Japan, Vietnam, Hawaii, the Philippines and Korea, but our biracial son does not find himself reflected in any one of them. Being with non-whites is not enough; transtacially adopted kids need people like themselves in their lives. Choosing a certain barber, babysitter, or Cub Seout troop can influence a child's sense of himself. Surprises Along the Way In blind zeal to meet people of Ari's race, we acted as though economic eireumstances did not matter, inadvertently accentuating differences more than similarities. Our family traded houses for part of a summer with a family from another state. The African American and Latino neighborhood we chose was culturally rich, but economically disadvantaged, a far ery from our middle class neighborhood at home. We had a wonderful experience, but learned something that sounds terribly snobbish to admit in our egalitarian society: economic circumstances, perhaps as much as race, create different experiences and therefore different perspectives, even values. We have learned to seck out more than just race as a common ground with strangers whom we hope to have as friends. At times, we've found ourselves forcing our experiences and relationships. I remember sitting through a Sunday morning service in an all-black Baptist church. Sure, Ari got to sec lots of lovely and friendly black families, but since we are Jewish we could never truly belong to a different religious community. We have since learned to customize our family traditions so they fit our particular combination of cultures. One December, when Kwanzaa and Hanukkah overlapped, we hosted a Kwanzukah party, which has since become a tradition. bringing together our African American and Jewish friends. We did not have to give up our heritage to connect with our child's. ‘Trans-racial parenting has been both harder than we imagined, and not so hard at all. While these additional efforts might seem to make parenting harder, none is really a hardship. It's a pleasure to celebrate Kwanzaa and Cinco de Mayo with friends, march in the Rainbow Coalition parade, and cook wonderful ethnic foods. Trans-racial parenting requires more deliberate efforts than same race parenting, but I cannot think of one that has not been, altogether worthwhile. Interestingly enough, what's hard about trans-racial parenting is building a feeling of ordinariness into extraordinary days, making experiences into more than just a series of field trips, creating for our son a securely unified life. ‘The range of trans-racial parenting experiences has forced us out of our comfort zone, and developed an extra measure of courage in us all. Being part of a mixed race family has not only challenged and enlightened us, but also altered our individual personalities. We've had to become more boldly publie as a trans-racial family. We look to proud and successful men of color for clues on how to raise our son. Asking strangers to help in this way can be scary, but we've been amazed at their generosity, and at the value of these discussions. The more we have reached out to people unlike ourselves, the easier building a rapid rapport with strangers has become. Soon we realized that people aren't so different after all. Beyond all its, other benefits, transracial parenting inevitably boosts a family's social life.Fret cubichod in Pat's Pot of Vw © 2005 ‘Do rot reprint without permission, White Parents Identity by Deborah Haynor & Lori Miller Deborsh Haynar and Love Miller are co-founders of @ ‘muticutwal consulting organization, Diversity Maters, hich conducts workshops for white parents who have. _2dopted tensracially and adoption professionals. Ifyou have ‘questions or comments about this article, please email them 3t:dhaynorcomeast net or lvieanlor@eomcast.net or call 781-771-6301 1 you are ike many white parents who have adopted across race, your journey has had twists and turns in that you hadn't ‘anticipated or weren't prepared for. While loving your chéd of color has been a vital ingredient in supporting herhim, many ‘of you might have found it not suficen for daaling with the issues of race and racism encountered by your child and your family. This article presents a model that we have developed that can serve as scaffolding as you navigate your relationship ‘with your child of color and your reitionship to ace and ‘Although the four stages in this model are presented, in this artic, as if one travels through them in a linea, timely fashion, we know that’s not the casein real fe. As you read ‘about the stages described you may notice one of them as, ‘your ‘nome base’ - the stage where you find yourself much (of the time current. You may also recognize your forays into later stages or your rotumn to por ones. While the progression through the stages is not linear, overtime theve is movement ‘of your ‘home base” from an earlier stage to allater ove. Progression through these stages isnot nocessanly supported by our families or friends, and is at the same time personally Challenging. We hope that in understanding ths journey you'l| bo kind to yourslf forthe pace that you are and that you'l get the support you want to move slong in he process, ‘Stage One: We Are Family ‘The primary task of this stage is the creation of your transracial family. In this stage you are making your child of oolor your ‘vm and fang in love with herhim.. You are making an extended family that loves your child, supports your family, and 008 your child of color as part oftheir family. ‘At times, your chit, with physical features alfforont than ‘yours, may serve asa reminder of fertlty issues that may hhave been part of your adoption journey. These same physical slfferences may allow grandparents and auntsjuncies to ‘maintain a distance from your chit that whe subtie, may stil be feltby you. The noticeable physical diference betwaen you and your child often invites strangers into your lf in ‘grocery stores, atthe playground, or in restaurants in ways that many times feels intrusive. “There isa pul in this stage to be fiercely ‘colorblind’ as a way ‘of minimizing the differences between you, as a white parent, ‘and your child of color that you and others around you seein service af loving your child, forming family, and making her? im ‘yours. In ths stage, tove is enough’ for you and your child of color at this point in your transracil adoptive journey. ‘Stage Two: We Are a Multicultural Family ‘As your child of color ages, she/he has begun to notice {and speck about the physical ifferences between you and hotfhim. if this article was written twenty-five years ago, ‘the instruction you would have Been given by adoption Professionals and your community was to "eassure’ your child by speaking about the ways you and shejhe are similar and to minimize the ferences she/he was noticing. While this instruction stil operates today, enough adult adoptees of color have spoken about the ways this denial of citference has ot worked for them, that most transracial families and the: ‘adoption community support ways of celebrating your child of colors birth cute, ‘The celebration of your child's birth cure i the halmark Cf this stage. In many adoptive communities there are festivals, culture camps, networking groups, and holiday activities which provide opportunities to celebrate your ehia's reference group. Parents in this stage are taking stens to approciato the traditions of thor childs birth cufture. tis cften the beginnings of your child of color witnessing you, as the white parent, crossing the color line andl recognizing and ‘appreciating what they have brought to your family as a result Cf their itference, This stage also provides opportunities for your family to mest similar families and get suppor from each ‘ther to continue your transracial adoptive journey. ‘StagoThree: We Are an Anti-Racist Family It you ate tke mast white people raised inthe United States, you were taught not to notice and speak about racial differences; thatthe best way to be combat racism was to bo ‘colorblind’ and see everyone, regardless of skin coor, a8 the same. Partspating in the celatrations of your hie’ bith culture in Stage Two ofthis transracialjoumey is an invitation to ecognize, understand, and appreciate differences based ‘on your child's raco, which for many parents is in contest to what you were taught growing up about being in relation wath someone whois racially different from you‘The primary task ofthis stago isto begin to notice and speak ‘bout not only you and your child's diferences, but alo to ‘notice and speak about race and racism. This stage is ebout how you, as the white parent, begins to and continues to break the racial sound barrier By talking about race and racism with your child of cola, you ate giving herthim important survival tools to thrive in a world that fs not color‘bling ina world where racism stil exsts, Raising a‘colorbiing’ child of color invites your child not to speak about and get suppor from you about the racism she he experiences when shemhe is not with you. In the sbeence ‘of conversation about reciam, your chil has no way to Understand the racism directed toward them: other than that itis about them personaly. Talking about and understancing racism gives your child a way 0 see thatthe racism ehe/ha ‘experiences is not about herhien; rather it’s about something ‘bigger than her/him and that operates on a societal level called scism, In general, most white people haven't had much experience Noticing and talking about race and racism, which presents a unique challenge for you as 2 white parent rising @ child of ‘olor. Parents inthis stage are taking to other white parents about what it means to be white and how that impacts theit raising of thor child of color. Parents in this stage are reading newspapers and magazin, watching the television, observing cross-racial interactions and asking ‘what does racejtecism have to do with this?” Parents in this stage are actively giving Lp their white privilege of not having to think about rase/racism ‘much of the ime. Parents inthis stage are attending ‘ant- racism’ workshops wherein a safe, group environment new cognitive and emotional learnings and skis can take place Currently thre is not much support from the transracial adaption community, ether from adoption professionals oF ‘adoptive families, fox parents in this stage or for parents who might want tobe in ths stage of ther transracial adoption jouimey. We are hopeful that as more white adoptive parents Who afe raising chiiran of color express the desire for support in taking about racefracism, there will be as much cultural ‘support for parents to bein the antéracist identity stage as ‘hore i currantiy for parents in multicultural stage, ln the meantime, meet with other white parents raising chidron ‘of color to tak about the impact of racism on your familes. Attend 'ant-acism’ workshops. Start a book group whose ‘readings have to do wath leering aout different races and cultures ‘Stage Four: We Are a Multiracial Family This stago is about becoming b-cutural. Ite about you, the ‘white parent, spending as much time 2s a racial minonty as, ‘your child of color spends asa racial minority. Parents inthis stage are asking themselves questions such as the following land are making significant changes in thor ives based! on the answers Whats the racial makeup of our neighbornood? ‘Whats the racial makeup of our childs school? Whats the racal makeup of our place of worship? Whats the racial makeup of our friend? What is the racal makeup of ur familys providers (he doctors, dentists, lawyers, accountants, carpenters, plumbors, housekoeners, childcare providers)? ‘+ Whats the racial makeup of where we go for vacation? ‘Toshop? Out for dinner? For ongoing leisure activities? It you are lke the meiority of white people your answer to ‘thase questions is ‘almost entraly white’. Parents in tis stage have, and are continuing to, make changes in every arene oftheir lives so that they and their chil of color ara as likely to be with poop of colo ae they are to be with white people. Your enié af ealor notices whether the people you ‘choose to spend time with are people oftheir race/ethnicity, are other people of color, or are white. Parents in this stage recognize that without even talking about receiraciam, thei ‘choices speak volumes to their chid of colr. This stage is sbout ‘walking the talk’ in new ways that ‘communicate to your child of color that you recognize, understand, and appreciate differences based on race, ‘ethnicity and cutture. Parents inthis stage are in on-going process with themselves around the following questions: + Do my actions communicate wht |intend them to ‘communicate? ‘+ What do | imagine to be the impact of my choices on my child of color? ‘+ Have I spoken to her/him about what | nati about my choices and their impact on me and herhim? + Do tak with herhin in an ongorna way about my chhoioes and their impact? Parents in this stage are continuing to strath thelr cornfort zones. They are consistently in situations where they aretha racial minority. They are interested and open to the experience offered by a fe among poopie of varied races; one thats not available to them in white communities. Parents in this sa99 are interested in contact across race not only forthe ways it ‘onrichos the lf oftheir child of color, but are interested in ‘contact across race for the ways it enriches ther ives.ST EG UC Og First published in Pat's Pont of Vw © 2005 ‘Do ot reprint with permission, Talking to Young Children about Race and Racism By Joemy Ito-Gates & Wei Ming Dariotis, PhD How do you prepare your children for racism, without ‘making them over-sensitive to it? By talking to them ‘about race, are you going ta poison their feelings. towards white people? The truth is: race and racism ‘exist, whether or not you talk about them with your children. The question is, are you willing to prepare your children and give them the tools to handle racism when ithappens? Many parents who think they are prepared to do this are still uncertain about when to begin the dialogue. How young is too young? High school? Middle school? Kindergarten? From our perspective, even a pre-verbel child is not too young to engage with these issues. For this article, we focus on kids 0-10. Look for future articles on middle school, high school, and even college- age discussions, Please note the experiences we are drawing from are Bay Area specific. Ages 0-2 ‘Scenario ‘Your pre-verbal toddler touches his skin and looks at yours: Your newly adopted transracially child is boing raised ina predominantly white community and your family is already getting the “triangular stare" (that stare that .908s from parent, to child, to parentl; strangers and. extended family members are making unintentionally insensitive comments. ‘Suggestions tis important to cultivate the community your child will be raised in Begin 2 dialogue with family and friends about your feelings on race and racism, how you expect your child tobe received, and what language around the child's identity is okay to use (terms such as “half” may not be ‘okey with you and that needs to be mada clear to the people who willbe interacting with your child) Encourage your family members to have relationships with your children end to use relationship names (io. Paw-paw, Grandpa, Auntie, etc.) with photos of divers fatrily members displayed around your hams or in one ‘central location. You can create a lamineted book with enlarged photos of family members (with large letter names) as e fun way for your children to learn about their diverse families. Ages 35 Scenario Your children ask you why you are different colors or ‘why you do not look the same. Your child may overhear a stranger or even another family member making comments, such as, “How much did it cost to adopt ‘your child?” “Aren't you nice to have adopted that poor child”; or “Where did you get that child?” These sorts of comments/questions may start as soon as your children become a part of your family, but we have included it here because the 3-4 ago range is when most children begin to become aware of such experiences, Suggestions We want to focus on suggestions on how to talk with your children; however, at this age, a lot of what your children wil hear will come from discussions you have with other adults- strangers and family members. ‘Thus, here are a few suggestions on how to respond to strangers and family members, keeping in mind that your main concer is what your children are getting from these exchanges. FUSION summer day camp parent shared with us her strategy for addressing a wide gamut of these ‘questions: verbally she alerts the questioner to hor unwillingness to engage about an issue that she indicates as personal; and with her body language she tus away from the questioner. Children might learn from this that is okay to draw boundaries around their identities; and that they have aright not to engage withstiangers about such personal issues. ‘Make an effort to share with extended family members resources, and what language you think is appropriate {or indicating their relationship to your children, your children’s etic heritages, and letting them knew what Facial language you would like them to avoid. Ages 6- ‘Scenario Other children ask your children what they are, why their parents look differant, or tell your children that families should all look the same. Racial epithets from cther children and even other adults. Questions from other children and adults ebout your children’s racial and ethnic identities, ‘Suggestions ‘There are differences between ethnic heritage, ethnic identity, and racial identity. Unlike most transracially ‘edopting parents of the past, many of you have made an efor to incorporate your children’s language of heritage into your family. This will help your children establish a sense of their ethnic heritage, and it may even help your child’en establish en ethnic identity. However, identity-unlike heritage-will be developed mors through a relationship to community than through ethnic signifies like house decorations, clothing, languaga, o- even food when they are disconnected fram a senso. of family or community. For exemple, you serve your children kimchos and say, “This food represents your Koresn culture.” Your children may understand from this something about their cultural heritage, but in a way that is disconnected from family and community. If you could say that this recipe came from a family member or friend, and then share a fond memory of that parson, ‘then you would be communicating nat only ethnic heritage, but also community connection, ‘Ages 8-10 Kids will be using a lot of the language eround race that is spoken in the home and they start clearly identifying with words for ethnicity and race, even if they may stil be somewhat unclear what those terms mean. They have also already absorbed a lot of the stereotypes ‘around racism and oolorism—particulariy around who is more or less attractive or “better” than another. Sconario Your children might come home saying, “! think I'm. Black and Mexican,” or “Yeah, I'm Filipino and Irish” but itis clear they don’t really know what the terms mean, ‘or how some might be exclusive of others. They may also shift identities from day to day because they don't really know what the words mean or the difference ‘between heritage and identity. ‘Your children may come to you at some point and say, "I'm not Chinese” or “I’m not fil in the blank.” This can be a very disconcerting thing for a parent to hear—especially the identity denied is partiyour own heritage. For younger kids, the ethnic identity word may not mean to children what it means for you as an adult. ‘There may be differences between transracial adoptees and children whose birth parents are from different cethnic or racialized groups (we use the term “racialized ‘gfoups” instead of "racial groups” to emphasize the Constructed nature of these groupings and to recognize that there is only one hun race). ifthe children’s birth parents are from different ethnic oF racialized groups, their declarations might mean, “I miss Mom (who is not Chinese)” or "Who are these people? (ie. if the children are being introduced to family members they don't see very often." However, even. young children can be aware of the unspoken power dynamics between racaized groups. If your chiéren of color cai a white identity or deny an identity of color this may be @ signa that they have internalized an idea of white superiority I the children are transracialy adopted, and they are denying the ethnic identity of their heritage of birth, they may be struggling with how they fit in to a family that ‘they do not physically resemble. Suggestions ‘Ask your children what thay mean when they say these racial or ethnic terms; get them to articulate who they feel connected to through these words, what these words mean to them about who they are and how they feel about themselves lie. do these words make them feel proud? Uncertain? Loved?) This is also a time for you to share how you feel connected to the family and how you ethnically and racially identity; and to clarify that how you relate to the fernily may be different from how your children do. You can also share what the wards your children are using mean to you. Clarify that heritage and identity are not the same thing. For example, your heritage may be Japanese, Irish, Native American, and African American, but you ‘may primarily identify as Native American, Nationality is another word that often gets confused with race and cthnicity. For example, many people erroneously use the term “American” when they mean white or European ‘American. Teach your children that people of any ethnic heritage can be "American." Nationality correctly refers to citizenship, Books, such as Let's Talk About Race by Julius Lester, fre a great way to approach this kind of discussion, since the premise is sharing one another's storie. ‘Attending exhibits and festivals are also an interective way to help children understand what their identities mean to them by showing them what those identitios mean to other people. Its important to see these situations as an opportunity to communicate with your children; remember to take time to 1.) ask your childron what they mean, 2.) Ist‘them know that they have ownership of several different ethnic identities, 3) explore the meaning of having ethnic and racial identities {for younger kids, you can ‘explain each parent's ethnic identity and lot the children know that they have access to all of their parents’ ethnic heritages, but that they may have their own identity, 4.) let them know that itis ok to change their identitios ‘over their lifetime, 5.) ask them if they have any other ‘questions and let them know that itis always ok to talk to you about these issues, 6.) transracially adopted children would benefit from having role models that reflect their heritage of birth andjor who are transracially adopted. This is also an age when children are in need of role ‘models who reflect their experiences, What many ‘adoptive and monoracial parents realize, is that their own experiences are vastly afferent from their childrens’ and that while they can be role models in many important ‘ways, the ethnic and racial piece of a child's identity needs to be retlected back at them by someone who looks like thern and who can relate personally to them. Places such as the FUSION summer day camp and the FUSION Family Activity Meetings (FFAMS) or Pact Family Camp, are structured and safe ways for children to interact with a diverse group of mixed heritage role models who are making a difference in their ‘communities. Preparing for incidents of racism Let your child know that they will encounter both the ‘personal racism of individuals (2. people who may Fefuse to touch them or look at them because of racism; people who will choose to befriend ther or not befriend them or date or not date them because of racial ‘sterectypes), and the institutional racism inherent in the institutions of our society (0. African American children will get less eye contact from their white teachers; there are relatively few teachers of color, and even fewer the higher up the education hiererchy you go; they ‘may face assumptions that they have won their jobs or scholarships merely through “Affirmative Action” rather than ment). Personal racism is easier for young children to comprehend, so you may try role playing with your child Handling incidents of Racism Let your children know thet even in cases where you ‘cannet know if someone was being racist, that racism may be a possiblity. Ty to avoid telling your children they are imagining @ or being oversensitive—rather, use ‘this as an opportunity to have your children talk about how they feel instead of focusing on the intent of the perpetrator. Letting them know that your home is a safe space to talk about these issues may require you to put aside your own discomfort with other people's racism, ‘What if your children are responsible for incidents of racism? We have encountered situations where children Of color, particularly if they are surrounded by white peers and teachers, may develop a sel-hatred that can be projected onto other children (or adults) of color. if You are elerted to such an incident, focus on letting your children talk about the feelings they may have about themselves, about other people wino look lke them, and about others who do not look lke them, If they say racist things, concentrate on asking them ‘what these things mean to them, where they learned them, and how they think these words make other people feel. Keep calm and try not to make it sound like ‘an inquisition—your children may be confused about what certain things mean, but even if they are perfectly clear, there is something else going on that you will need to get them talking about. Beginning the Dialogue You love your children beyond words and your ‘commitment to their well-being is evident. They are truly your children and members of your family. The hard pert is now enacting these sentiments in relationship to their identity formation. By modeling clear boundaries with strangers and extended family members, by building strong connections in @ rixed heritage end transracial adoptee community, by being honest and forthcoming about your feelings and ‘thoughts regarding race and racism you will provide ‘them with the tools and confidence to navigate the discovery of their identities.is unfair, and avoid placing blame on the child. In addition, parents can help by asking their children ifassistance is desired to handle a situation. Operational Definition of Cultural Competence “To begin the process of moving from a concep- Taal 1 an operational denon, Tenead specific recommendations for TRA parents trom professional literature, gleaning 176 rec- ‘ommendations from 25 articles. Each was then placed within the three broad constructs de- fined earlier: racial awareness, survival skills, and multicultural family planning. Each recom- mendation started with the root phrase “Asa prospective] transracial adoptive parent, | think that itis very important to...” and ended with the recommendation. Eight experts in the areas of transracial adoption and in-cul- were asked to provide feed. back about the relevance of each recommenda- tion to the assigned construct, problems with ‘wording, and ambiguity. The majority of the experts have published professional literature in the areas of transracial adoption or cultural ‘competence in human services. The remainder vere adoption practitioners who provide train- ing for parents and staff members in the area of transracial-cultural adoption. As a result of this feedback, 71 of the recommendations that were ambiguous, poorly worded, redundant, or lack- ing in clear relevance to the assigned construct were discarded. The remaining 105 items were formatted ay a survey using a five-point Likert scale ranging from 1 = strongly disagree 10 5 = strongly agree. For the next step, TRA parents were solicited from two Internet listserv groups to complete the survey of recommendations and provide feedback. A total of 205 adoptive or prospective adoptive parents completed the survey. Exam y guided further reduction of items, with the goal of climinating items with extreme means and low variance. Of those who returned surveys, 10 percent were randomly selected and inter- viewed by phone to gather more information about wording, interpretation of items, and personal reactions to completing the survey. tural competei nation of tem means and vai From this feedback, the wording of several items was refined. In addition, the root phrase was dropped! in favor of “I” statements based on the parents’ perceptions that the more active “I” form is a more accurate representation of pa: rental cultural competence. The three original | constructs remained, with a total of 39 recommendations.(More information regard- ing the development of an instrument based on these recommendations is available from the author.) (Raia Awareness] || There are 12 recommendations concerning ra- cial awareness for TRA parents. They are related to self- and other awareness, as well as sensitiv: ity to racism: 1. Tunderstand how my own cultural back- ground influences the way I think, act, and speak Tam able to recog prejudice I am aware of stereotypes and precon- ceived notions that I may hold toward other racial and ethnic minority groups. Thaye examined my feelings and atti- tudes about the birth culture and race of my children, T make ongoing efforts to cha prejudiced attitudes. Thave thoroughly examined my motiva- tion for adopting a child of a different race or culture than myselE. 7. Lam knowledgeable of and cont develop respect for the history and cul: | | | | my own, ue to ture of my children’s racial heritage understand the unique needs of my child related to his or her racial or cul- tural status, know that transracial-cultural adoptive parenting involves extra responsibilities ‘over and above those of inracial parenting. |. have examined my feelings about inter- racial dating and marriage, Tknow that others may view my family as “different.” Tknow that my children may be treated unkindly or unta ly because of racism. Social Work J Volume 46, Number 3/ July 2001, 252Many suggestions have been made to TRA parents to build a bridge between their on ‘and their child's race and culture. The folowing 14 recommendations vary in terms of how di: recta link they provide to the child’s birth eultu 1. Tinclude regular contact with people of other races and cultures in my life 2. Iplace my children in multicultural schools 43. place my children with teachers who are d skilled with children of racially aware ny chiles race. - Lunderstand how my choices about where to ive affect my child. 5. [have developed friendships with fami- lies and individuals of color who are good role models for my children. 6. purchase books, toys, and dolls that are like my chit Tinclude traditions from my child's birth culture in my family celebrations. 8. Iprovide my children with opportunities to establish relationships with adults from their birth culture. 9. 1 provide my children with the opportu- nity to learn the language of their birth culture 10.1 provide my children with the opportu- nity to appreciate the music of their birth culture 1. Thave visited the country or community ‘of my child’s birth 12. Thave demonstrated the ability for sus- tained contact with members of my child's racial o ethnic group. 13.1 seek services and personal contacts in the community that will support my child's ethnicity. 14. Hive in a community that provides my. child with same-race adult and peer role models on an ongoing basis. tains suggestions that are somewhat more con- crete, The following 13 items vary in specificity. 1. Leducate my children about the realities of racism and discrimination. 2. Lhelp my children cope with racism through open and honest discussion in | our home about race and oppression. 5. Lam aware of the attitudes of friends and | family members toward my child’ racial and cultural differences. 4, Lam aware ofa variety of strategies that can be used to help my child cope with acts of prejudice or racism, 5. I know how to handle unique situations, such as my child’ attempts to alter his or her physical appearance to look more like | family members or friends, 6. Thelp my children recognize racism. 7. Lhelp my children develop pride in themselves. | 8. tolerate no biased remarks about any group of people. 9. T seek peer support to counter frustration resulting from overt and covert acts of racism toward my children, my family, oF 1 seek support and guidance from others who have a personal understanding of racism, particularly those from my child's race or birth culture. 11.1 have acquired practical information about how to deal with insensitive ques- tions from strangers 12.1 help my children understand that being discriminated against does not reflect personal shortcomings 13. Lam able to validate my children’s feel- ings, including anger and hurt related to racism or discriminat Conclusion and Implications A three-part definition of cultural competence for TRA parents has been presented, including the constructs of racial awareness, multicultural | planning, and survival skills. In addition, 1" Pethaps because of the need to tailor a response | statements representing specific atitudes, toa specific situation, recommendations for knowledge, and skills related to each construct, survival skills seem to lack specificity in the pro- | have been identified. Although more work is fessional literature. Literature aimed toward needed to establish the validity of the definition, adoptive parents rather than professionals con- | the current work advances the starting point for Yok /Cotural Competence for Tansracal Adoptive Parenis 253establishing an operational definition. The clar~ ity of this definition is needed for social work practice, education, and research. This understanding of cultural competence ‘may help social workers who practice with TRA families in several ways, The social worker may help raise awareness and educate by allowing Faisal slope paren tetaatene ante Gis the" sitements Tt would beanpected™ that parents would vary not only in their levels of awareness of the three parts of cultural com- petence, but also in their willingness to take on the “extra” responsibilities involved in transracial family formation. The “I” statements help bring abstract concepts toamore tangible | lgeebar avavenes Such arenes My lp those who areless suitable othe taskto sel | ‘Select out of the transracial adoptive process. addition, training needs might be highlighted during the assessment phase for those who con- tinue in the adoptive process ‘Training for potential adoptive parents also might be guided by the three constructs of cul- tural competence. The definition provides a template of arcas that need to be covered in training for TRA parents. The breadth of the definition makes it clear that a one-time preadoptive training session is most likely inad- equate to the task. In addition, parents may be more motivated to learn about a particular area in response to needs that become evident as their child develops. For example, a parent may be very interested in survival skills when her child enters school and experiences racially based teasing. So, although preadoptive training. might provide an initial introduction to cultural competence, it also sets the stage for equally im portant postadoptive training. Social work educators might use this defini- tion of cultural competence for TRA parents to prepare adequately students who will work in foster care and adoption. Families continuc to be formed through transracial adoption, Future practitioners in the field of social work nevd to examine their own beliefs and biases about this, family form and become knowledgeable about the unique needs ofthese fan In addition, clarity in this area could benefit evaluation and research with TRA families. At the very least, the training for TRA parents in needs to be systematically evaluated. In addi- tion, research questions such as the following need to be addressed: Does parent tri cultural competence affect the adoptee’s racial identity and adjustment? Are there particular parts of cultural competence that are more or less important for the adoptee’s racial identity and adjustment? Are there particular parts of cultural competence that are more or less im portant at particular developmental stages of the child? Further work toward establishing the validity of the three constructs, along with a re- liable way to measure them, would enhance this important area of research. Mi References Altstein, H., Coster, M.,First-Hartling, L., Fora, C. Glasoe, B,, Hairston, S., Kasofl, J, Grier, A. W, (1994). Clinical observations of adult intercowe: Chil try adoptees and their adoptive pare Welfare, 73, 261-268, Andujo, E. (1988). Ethnic identity of ransethnically adopted Hispanic adolescents. Social Work, 33, 531-535. Bagley, C. (1993), Chinese adoptees in Britain: twenty-year follow-up of adjustment and social identity. International Social Work, 36, 143-157. Cunningham, S., & Bower, J. W. (Eds). (1998), Parenting resource manual. St. Paul, MN: North American Council on Adoptable Children, Curtis, C. M. (1996). The adoption of African American children by whites: A renewed conflict Bamilies in Society, 77, 186-105, Devore, W., & Schlesinger, E.G. (1996), Etiie-se sitive social work practice (4th ed.) 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