As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work,

job satisfaction is an important element of individual

wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How
realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?
In modern society a job implies (1) the person social status. As a
consequence, finding a satisfying and motivating job is essential to
improve the quality of (2) individuals life. In this essay, a number of
critical factors are represented (3) in terms of the contributions to job
satisfaction.
There is no doubt that a well-paid salary (4) is one of the most crucial
contributors to job contentment for most employees. The main reason
is that income measures their significance in a company. Furthermore,
the higher the wage is, the better the lifestyle excellence (5) for the
workers would be. Meanwhile, working environment is another
indispensable factor to contribute to job satisfaction. It is persuaded
(6) that a neat uniform and sitting in an air-conditioned office during
(7) hot summer are much more comfortable than where (8) those
workers who do manual physical work outdoors. Finally, the
opportunity for promotion in a workplace is another equally important
element as a satisfying job.
On the other hand, it is impossible to ensure that all the employees
are satisfied with their occupations in reality due to the issues of
salary, working pressure and personality of colleagues. For instance,
in terms of salary, some people accept any rate of salary simply for
survival. Consequently, the expectation of job contentment for all
employees is unattainable.
In conclusion, increasing job satisfaction for each individual employee
is a challenging (9) for an employer, but finding the right job and
thinking positively might be the responsibility for all of the workers in
order to acquire job fulfillment and satisfaction.
253 words
Thanks for your essay, Paul. Here are my corrections:
1. This is not a correct use of imply and so the meaning is not
completely clear. I think you mean that a job in modern society
indicates the social status of a person.
2. We need the indefinite article here: an individuals life.
mean, in fact, ..improve the quality of life of an individual.

We

3. Presented is correct, because we are not representing

something.
4. Vocabulary: use good or high to refer to salaries or wages,
Paul. We use well-paid to describe a job or occupation.

5. Your meaning is clear and the grammar is correct. In terms of

word combinations lifestyle excellence. I think that it is
enough to simply say ..the better the lifestyle for the workers
would be. People who have office jobs are usually referred to
as white collar employees, as opposed to manual workers who
have blue collar jobs.
6. This is not a correct phrase to use, Paul, but in the exam you
could write instead: I would argue that....
7. Because summer is a singular countable noun, we need to
think about using a determiner in front of it. The simplest way,
if you are not sure, is to use the plural and just write ..during
hot summers. Otherwise, you will need to use ..during a hot
summer.. (we do not specify which summer).
8. This sentence structure could be improved and made simpler. I
suggest: ..are much more comfortable than doing manual
physical work outdoors.
9. You could say is a challenge for an employer or is challenging
for an employer.

Now, here are my comments:

Task response: The length of the essay is great. You also answered
both questions, giving examples, and I think that it was useful to write
a conclusion because the second question does really ask for your
opinion.
Your introduction is good, but is not complete. It does not describe
everything that you do in the essay. You need to say that you will
discuss some important factors that contribute to satisfaction at work
and argue that not all employees can expect to find work that is
satisfying. This is, in fact, what you then go on to do.
Your first argument is quite sophisticated income is a measure of
your status at work. You then add that the more you earn, the
chances are that your lifestyle will improve. Your next point is that
working conditions are a very important factor and you give a good
example. Finally, you raise the point of promotion opportunities. You
could maybe have added a sentence here just to develop this
argument maybe to say that promotion would be a recognition of
your hard work and talent.
To improve your mark for coherence and cohesion, it is good in an
essay of this type to refer to some of these factors in your next
paragraph. You refer to salaries as an element of job satisfaction, but
then introduce two new factors working pressure and relationships

with colleagues. These are true and relevant, but we miss the chance
to refer back to our important points. Many jobs have few promotion
prospects cleaners and taxi drivers for example. Other occupations
involve dangerous or dirty work.
I give an overall score of 6.5 for this section
Coherence and cohesion: You have clearly planned your answer and
your paragraph structure is logical and your conclusion is clear. The
first topic sentence of each main paragraph indicates quite well what
the reader can expect to find in the paragraph. Did you consider,
Paul, listing the factors in your first main paragraph?
(Firstly/Secondly/Finally). Your use of linking words and phrases is
generally quite appropriate and accurate. I find that the ideas are
linked better in your second main paragraph, discussing the ideas of
the expectation of job satisfaction. Simons website has a recent
contribution of sentence linking that gives useful examples.
I give this section a score of 7.
Lexical resource: You used a number of good word combinations,
which I hope you will have chance to use again in the exam:
motivating/fulfillment/indispensable factor/thinking positively/simply
for survival. One or two corrections relate to vocabulary and (to score
a top band score) the examiner will look for a variety of topic related
vocabulary. However, you show that you have a wide range of
vocabulary, avoiding repetition and using contentment/fulfillment as
alternatives to satisfaction.
I think that the examiner will be happy to give this section a score of
7.
Grammatical range and accuracy: I can see that you have occasional
problems with the use of articles, Paul. I like your variety of sentence
structures and your verb tenses are all correct. It is great when we
have a chance in essays to write mainly in the present simple tense.
You use some good constructions such as: ..the higher...., the
better.... and the use of might in the conclusion was nicely done.
Since many of your sentences are without mistakes and none of your
mistakes interfere significantly with the meaning of what you want to
say, the examiner will be thinking of a score of about 7 for this part.

So, Paul, your overall score is 7. This is, of course, a good score and
your score for each section of the marking criteria is consistent.