6 tips for dealing with conflict

Nadia Lopez, founding principal of Mott Hall Bridges Academy, is no stranger to a challenge.
When she opened the school in Brownsville, Brooklyn one of the most underserved and
violent neighborhoods in New York City she did it with knowledge that it would be no
easy task. In challenging spaces, the greatest challenge is that we dont know whats causing
the challenge you cant see it correctly, so you cant ask the right questions, says Lopez.
Armed with a quiver of experience from her corporate and education backgrounds (she
previously worked at Verizon and as a teacher in Fort Greene, Brooklyn), Lopez has faced
innumerable obstacles with perseverance, grace and immutable passion. Here she shares some
of her favorite ways to dial down conflict applicable in situations far beyond the
classroom.
1. Be vulnerable.

When faced with demanding circumstances, how do you restore morale and re-inspire others
to see your vision? Though it may seem counterintuitive, being open and honest with your
team during challenging times demonstrates a sense of trust that can develop into mutual
respect. Start with being very clear and transparent, shares Lopez. I actually speak quite
frankly to my team, as well as my scholars. Sharing where you are struggling fosters an
ecosystem of understanding and support, and does far more good than pretending that you are
The Fearless, Flawless Leader.
2. Be aware.

Stop and ask, Why isnt this working? At Mott Hall Bridges Academy, Lopez prioritizes
time for face-to-face conversation. I do check-ins, she explains. I create focus groups
sometimes where Ill gather with a group of teachers and ask them whats going on and what
can we do to boost morale of the team, and I do the same for the kids. Ill ask them how does
this feel? Then I hold myself accountable for how we need to make whatever proper
considerations in the building to move forward.
3. Center yourself.

A principal deals with challenges from all sides, from scholars, employees and administrators.
So when things escalate and they often do Lopez has various tools and techniques she
uses to help her to approach the situation with a level head. First, she tries to center herself so
she can be a calm and rational mediator. (Being calm is so important that she tries to spend at
least 15 minutes each day enjoying uninterrupted silence. Im a human being and I can be
reactionary, she acknowledges, so taking this moment before conflict even comes up is
crucial for an even-keeled response.) Shes also sure to run situations past friends or family
members. Their guidance tends to have your best intentions at heart, she says. Plus, loved
ones dont mind pointing out where you can improve. Finally, she finds that writing things
down can help to put things into perspective and help her answer whether something is worth
a fight or if its just time to move on.

4. Manage mediation.

When playing the role of conciliator, Lopez lays out what she expects from those in the
disagreement (much like kindergarten rules: no yelling, wait to speak your turn, respect a
persons turn to explain their side), to create a safe space for honest communication. You
have to set up protocols and rules of engagement, says Lopez. If were here, its because we
were adult enough and mature enough to say that we want to be responsible in solving the
issue.
5. Listen deeply and actively.

In tense discussions, its important to acknowledge the feelings of each party involved and use
reflective language to show that theyve been heard. Oftentimes, long-felt, harbored emotions
originating from other sources can ignite miscommunications and set off a firestorm between
two people. Theres a lot of he-said, she-said, and people getting caught up in their
feelings, shares Lopez of the emotional interactions she witnesses between her students,
parents, even teachers. Her job is not to get embroiled. You need to be compassionate and
empathetic, she says.
6. Acknowledge, respect and thank. Repeat.

It doesnt take thousands of dollars to make others feel appreciated. A simple email, text or
brief handwritten (ideally, hand-delivered) note has the power to touch deeply and stave away
challenging occurrences. In one recent instance, Lopez asked herself to be honest about
whether her staff were feeling appreciated. Did they feel like she was there for them, no
matter what? So, she wrote them a quick note. It really just said Thank you. Thank you for
being present, remembers Lopez. Recognizing a persons dedication and skills preemptively calms potentially troubled waters.