TENCHARACTERISTICSOFACONSCIOUSMARRIAGE

1.

Yourealizethatyourloverelationshiphasahiddenpurposethehealingofchildhoodwounds.Insteadof
focusingentirelyonsurfaceneedsanddesires,youlearntorecognizetheunresolvedchildhoodissuesthat
underliethem.WhenyoulookatmarriagewiththisXrayvision,yourdailyinteractionstakeonmoremeaning.
Puzzlingaspectsofyourrelationshipbegintomakesensetoyou,andyouhaveagreatersenseofcontrol.

2. Youcreateamoreaccurateimageofyourpartner.Attheverymomentofattraction,youbeganfusingyour
loverwithyourprimarycaretakers.Lateryouprojectedyournegativetraitsontoyourpartner,furtherobscuring
yourpartnersessentialreality.Asyoumovetowardaconsciousmarriage,yougraduallyletgooftheseillusions
andbegintoseemoreofyourpartnerstruth.Youseeyourpartnernotasyoursaviorbutasanotherwounded
humanbeing,strugglingtobehealed.

3. Youtakeresponsibilityforcommunicatingyourneedsanddesirestoyourpartner.Inanunconsciousmarriage,
youclingtothechildhoodbeliefthatyourpartnerautomaticallyintuitsyourneeds.Inaconsciousmarriage,you
acceptthefactthat,inordertounderstandeachother,youhavetodevelopclearchannelsofcommunication.

4. Youbecomemoreintentionalinyourinteractions.Inanunconsciousmarriage,youtendtoreactwithout
thinking.Youallowtheprimitiveresponseofyouroldbraintocontrolyourbehavior.Inaconsciousmarriage,
youtrainyourselftobehaveinamoreconstructivemanner.

5. Youlearntovalueyourpartnersneedsandwishesashighlyasyouvalueyourown.Inanunconsciousmarriage,
youassumethatyourpartnersroleinlifeistotakecareofyourneedsmagically.Inaconsciousmarriage,you
letgoofthisnarcissisticviewanddivertmoreandmoreofyourenergytomeetingyourpartnersneeds.

6. Youembracethedarksideofyourpersonality.Inaconsciousmarriage,youopenlyacknowledgethefactthat
you,likeeveryoneelse,havenegativetraits.Asyouacceptresponsibilityforthisdarksideofyournature,you
lessenyourtendencytoprojectyournegativetraitsontoyourmate,whichcreatesalesshostileenvironment.

7. Youlearnnewtechniquestosatisfyyourbasicneedsanddesires.Duringthepowerstruggle,youcajole,
harangue,andblameinanattempttocoerceyourpartnertomeetyourneeds.Whenyoumovebeyondthis
stage,yourealizethatyourpartnercanindeedbearesourceforyouonceyouabandonyourselfdefeating
tactics.

8. Yousearchwithinyourselfforthestrengthsandabilitiesyouarelacking.Onereasonyouwereattractedtoyour
partneristhatyourpartnerhadstrengthsandabilitiesthatyoulacked.Therefore,beingwithyourpartnergave
youanillusorysenseofwholeness.Inaconsciousmarriage,youlearnthattheonlywayyoucantrulyrecapture
asenseofonenessistodevelopthehiddentraitswithinyourself.

9. Youbecomemoreawareofyourdrivetobelovingandwholeandunitedwiththeuniverse.Asapartofyour
Godgivennature,youhavetheabilitytoloveunconditionallyandtoexperienceunitywiththeworldaround
you.Socialconditioningandimperfectparentingmadeyoulosetouchwiththesequalities.Inaconscious
marriage,youbegintorediscoveryouroriginalnature.

10. Youacceptthedifficultyofcreatingagoodmarriage.Inanunconsciousmarriage,youbelievethatthewayto
haveagoodmarriageistopicktherightpartner.Inaconsciousmarriageyourealizeyouhavetobetheright
partner.Asyougainamorerealisticviewofloverelationships,yourealizethatagoodmarriagerequires
commitment,discipline,andthecouragetogrowandchange;marriageishardwork.

Letstakeacloserlookatnumberten,theneedtoacceptthedifficultyinvolvedincreatingagoodmarriage,because
noneoftheotherninewillcometofruitionunlessyoufirstcultivateyourwillingnesstogrowandchange.
GettingtheLoveYouWant,pages9193,byHarvilleHendrix