ONE

HUNDRED
AND MORE
~ a poetry collection ~

ALEXANDRA M. COE

ORADEA
2016
ALEXANDRA M. COE

PART 1
FREE VERSE POETRY

BEGINNING
One word... love;
Three words... I love you!
Why did I start loving you?
Why am I writing this?
Was it destiny? Was it fate?
May our beginnings never end...
Like a drop that starts the rain
Like a spark that starts the fire
My love for you started in vain
Please look forward to the next chapter...
Forever yours, but never mine...
No spark, no fire
No tears, no rain...
My dear... I might regret it
But dear... not in the beginning.

OBSESSION
Every second,
Every moment,
When I look at you,
A new world unravels in front of me...
Smooth talk,
Smooth walk,
When I see you,
I lose track of reality...
I always make up stories,
Make up memories,
Full of expression,
Full of guilt...
I love your smile, your lips, your style,
Your voice, your eyes, your passion...
Why can't I let you go?
I know the answer...
It's an obsession!

COMPANY
Alone in this world I walk,
Lost in a crowd of people,
Wondering if I will ever see you,
Wondering if I will ever meet you...
All alone in the corner of a room,
The moonlight shining over the darkness,
Thoughts of you fill my mind,
Thoughts of you fill my soul...
While looking out the window,
Emptiness covers life,
I need your company,
You need to find me...
All alone I go to sleep,
The air feels so cold,
Thoughts of you fill my heart,
Thoughts of you fill my dreams...
Until a soft whisper wipes away the tears.

DEAR ADAM
I can't utter the words
I can't even write them.
I wish I had more will
More faith or courage.
I am scared
of rejection
for the first time.
Though I'm close,
I am scared.
If you're reading this
Yes!
It's probably you.
You, the one that's more,
More than I expected,
More than I ever got.
My only friend is this lone bug
Which I do not love
I do not even feel.
Wish we were holding hands...

CHALLENGE
please come now and take this challenge,
break the ice that we deserve;
I can't do more than this
for you, for me, for us;
let my vision, for the first time,
let my wish, for the last time,
come true.
shake this day and
see my aim
watch my moves
and make yours too
let me skip those moments
let me love the loner.
the only thing I can do now
is to write my dream on a piece of skin,
on my hand that trembles waiting
and thinking about all
the flowers we could touch,
the eyes we could read,
the Mondays we could spend...
but until then, I will be here
spending a Saturday night waiting,
hoping, crying and smiling,
losing faith and trust
as a clock strikes 23:14
and I'm waiting for the Wednesdays.

HALF
Half of us want to live,
share and love,
cry and relive,
learn and thrive,
win and conquer,
those...
they want to survive.
The other half of these souls?
Well, they strive today
and they have fought
and tried and lived,
but never won.
Of what is now a secluded world,
nothing remains for us,
for use in life,
when needed most.
That is why we fall,
we tear apart souls,
futures, endings.
That is why we rise
from ashes burnt twice
and we come back,
to try again,
to fail,
never again.
Yet,
half of me has been torn
by the halves around us.
Half of me is burnt
by cold fire.

HOME AT LAST
I have sought more than I had.
I have not found yet
what I needed,
what I wanted.
Hope of a better beginning,
of a newer surrouding,
of a safer lighting
-I have.
Rolls of lights,
warm nights,
soft pillows
and long minutes of vows
while my earnest declaration
is that of love.
Let us end it all with a toast
and follow Charon into the night,
as off we go,
tonight!

PIRATE
You're a pirate.
The thief of my heart,
The thief of my soul.
You ran away;
And now you're sailing on the Far East seas.
Owning that ship won't get you to where you
want.
Leaving your memories in a tavern won't make
you forget them.
The waves and storms will eventually wash away
the traces of your existence.

THE FIRST TIME

It was not my choice to find you,
But I will never forget that day.
The mysterious description of you
Holding back the time,
In a still moment
For the first time.
Mesmerizing lights,
Soft whispers,
As if I was living in a beautiful dream,
First impressions
Lead the way to a new life...

DROWNING
Left alone in the darkness,
Surrounded by the absence of light,
He is drowning in his own sorrow.
Tears are rolling down the cheeks
And raindrops are floating in despair
As the cruel wind whispers menacingly.
Sad thoughts have filled his mind.
He doesn't feel special anymore.
He would rather be surrounded by water for
eternity.

OPPOSITES
The brightest star in the sky
Attracted to the dry leaf.
It seems like resurrection into a fictional world
Where contrasts appeal to one's mind and heart.
One free and passionate spirit
Next to a bashful and sincere soul.
We're like fire and ice,
Opposites but still the same.

COMPROMISE
Would you compromise for me?
Would you give up your free time?
Would you share your life with me?
I wish I could lean on you for help.
I wish I could receive warm embraces.
I wish I could come home and find peace.

Could you?
Would you?

NIGHT LIGHT
I need you to be my night light.
Lead the way through dark;
Lead the way through life.
I need you to help me when I fall;
I need you to help me through it all.
For better, for worse,
In sickness and in health,
Until death do us part.
With this poem and these words,
Caressly written on the screen,
I choose you.

HELP
Help is what we shout for
until that final breath we take.
Energy is what we long for
when we need to take some final steps.
Loving may never seem easy
to a lost soul that's never found.
Peter saw that love
in a city of sparks!

FANTASY
Fantasy is my world.
Dragons flying high in the sky,
Unicorns accompanying them,
Sparkles instead of rain,
Rainbows in never before seen colors,
Leprechauns greener than grass,
Elves protecting forests,
Wizards and witches fighting for the supreme power,
Knights in shining armour saving princesses,
Kings and queens living happily ever after,
Fairies sharing their wings with humans,
Ghosts scaring away giants,
Mermaids walking on the ground,
An earth in the shape of a heart.
YOU are my world.

TIME TRAVEL
Let me turn back the time
And do it all again.
Let me jot down nice words,
Better than I did back then.
Let me take back half of what I said
And give you the courage to try,
Give you the push you need
And the words you want.
Let's forget and start again...

OUT OF THE BLUE

Into the blue I ran
Out of the blue I found... You.
Blurred lines lead the way
Spontaneous mistakes
Marking my deeds
I wish to find the color... You.
Though, why are you blue?

MASKED
You've been hiding your thoughts;
You've been hiding your actions.
Closed in your own world;
Creating a perfect image.
Your feelings can't be heard,
Your wishes can't come true.
The ambition is gone,
The faith is gone.
Nobody believes what you're saying now.
It's all masked.
It's all been left behind,
In an unmasked time- back then.

FORGET
I try to forget something that never started,
Try to forget moments which were never real,
Habits which could not be stopped,
Lost chances which never were,
Pride and prejudice
Along days of longing,
A desire of triumph.
The absence now brings sorrow
Misjudged, blinded, collapsed.
Never again
the ones we once were.
I cease to forget...

EMBRACE
Stuck in this tight embrace
Of loss, of fear.
From here on I do not hope
I do not wish
I wait
I pray
I lose.
Stuck without an embrace,
I do not hope
I miss
I need
I fear.

BULL
Should I wait a thousand years
I will.
Just me and these crickets
With night's sun oblivious of us.
Say we're strong,
Say we're bulls
Attacked, mishandled
Or not known
For we may fall.
Here we are many
All of us bulls.

COLORED
Colored I wish to see.
If only I could have a rainbow
Forever close to earth.
If only I had colored
Chalk to draw a path,
I would remove the black
The white, the greys.
I'll take the blue, the green
The red and oranges.

FAMILY
Family... I do not seek
For I have lost all.
Fighting through anguish,
Standing straight, tall,
Moving through the walls,
Surviving.
Family...
I will find.

MEMORIES
I
I
I
I

remember what others don't

relive.
want a different past
am grateful.

I sure wish you were

Here, now, forever
Same old.
Hopes of a new start.
Days pass quickly,
Yet they stagger.
See you ad infinitum.

FORTUNATE
We are not fortunate to be brutal,
to be lost and lonely,
to barely survive,
but we are fortunate to live,
to laugh and cry,
to run and fall,
to go back and apologise
and we will forever be
the luckiest
as we will never regret
those luckless moments.

WHERE NO MAN HAS

GONE BEFORE
Where no man has ever gone before;
That's where I want to go.
Deep into your soul;
That's where I want to be.
As a beautiful everlasting memory;
That's how I want to be remembered.
Forever your only one;
That's what I want to be.

SKELETONS IN THE
CLOSET
Open a door,
Open two,
None will lead the way to shelter.
Locked in a closet you will be
If you do not find your way,
For as long as I can see.
Like skeletons laying
An empty soul is waiting.

GROWING UP
I've been growing up;
I've come a long way.
It's been hard;
I'm not done.
I'm stronger now.
Don't threaten me;
I'm still a young soul.
As little as I was,
Time made that different.
I now rule the world,
Even if only in my own mind;
I tear to pieces those who stand in my way
And I respect those dear to my heart
Because I was born to do so.
Even if a thousand years will pass,
I will stay the same.
Chin up, raised high,
Looking at the changing sky
Through rain and snow
While wind blows it all
Until the end will come.

CREATIVE
VISUALIZATION
Imagine this:
A piece of paper.
A used pen.
Fresh air.
Peace in the air.
Birds singing thrilling melodies.
Clouds disappearing.
Sparkles falling from the sky.
Sunshine appearing.
Rainbows covering the sky.
Cookies' smell.
Warm milk.
Pine trees' smell.
Warm blanket.
Add an old idea
And a new one.
Find it within you.
Fireworks later, at night.

REJECTION
She received rejection.
The world neglected her;
She was deeply hurt.
Her love didn't care;
She was heartbroken.
Now, as time is running out,
She lost her optimism.
Her surroundings became dark;
She is in fact not alive.
Everything is over.
Back then she thought she could win;
She thought she was perfect.
But with no light ahead
And no one to help her,
She ended up in the corner.

LOST
If you were to come back and apologize,
I would give you that fifth chance.
I would make you happy,
give you all that you want
and more than you need.
I don't know how to pick myself up,
nor how to reach you again,
but I'll try tomorrow
to bring a smile to your face
and into your empty home.
You blocked me.
You just lost me.
However...
I'm sorry!
Please forgive me!
Do not forget me!

LOCKED
I was locked out of your life
without wanting to be,
without allowing you.
If you were to come back
and turn around,
I would try again.
We would forget,
we would laugh
and cry as we go on.
We would remember
nothing but what we
put into our world.

DREAMS
At first, I had many dreams:
Of flying, of shining,
Of smiling and laughing.
I wanted to bring peace;
I wanted to bring love;
And make my voice heard.
But nobody listened,
Nobody cared.
Everyone laughed,
Threw me aside,
And buried any memory of me.
Now, I just want to be happy.

PEARLY GATES
Standing here, I wish you hear.
I wish you notice.
I wish you need.
Dear, it may never begin,
Yet, please, do try
To find a way,
A way to right.
Soon I will not be,
I will still need,
I will still breathe.
Aid in all you do
I try to give.
Oblivious of all existence
I hope you do not remain.
Standing here, I wish for you to come.
For so far is the home,
So long is the road
And closed is the door...
A gate of white;
A verse of light;
A moment of calm.

ANGER
Threatening human nature brought him here.
It's normal to experience anger.
He's been told to do things most couldn't do.
He's been hit with cruelty for no reason.
He's received words no one should.
He's suffered without telling anyone.
He closed himself in his own world.
But he can't take it anymore;
Now, even his own reflection angers him.
He wants to take action.
He starts taking revenge.
He finds no improvement.
Through time,
He still feels the pain.
He is still hurt.
He's waiting for his saviour.

HERO
You're my hero.
The one who took me out of the darkness,
The one who grabbed me before I fell.
I seek protection, I seek attention,
I seek truth and soul at once.
Now that we arrived here
We are alive, my dear.
As waves crash around us
We are still walking;
Death loves me, but avoids me.
What do we have to give
To get what we want?
Do we have to take
Somebody's last wish?
The wind throws fire;
They came from the west.
I can't find you.

SEA GLASS
There are two types of sea glass.
They are hard to find;
Patience is necessary.
I'm holding one.
Perfect on the outside,
Shattered on the inside.
Then there is the other unlucky one.
A polished interior
With scratched appearance,
Laying all alone in the sand
Until someone decides to pick it
And save it from burning.
As pretty as it is,
Inside or outside,
In the end,
It still disappears.

SKYLINE
As the skyline gets darker
And the ground grows colder,
I shall be the one to remind you
Of city lights, of rain,
Of people, of cars,
Of clocks that tick
And of wonders that might never be again.
I shall be your final reminder
Of how much we got,
How little we offered,
Look at how many we are!
Now that it's too late I can confess
I had hoped to shake your hand,
I was mistaken, blinded by your smile.
You touched us with words
And you missed that trip
Which led back to us,
Back to where you taught us,
Where none of us want to utter good-bye.
We never got to walk in beauty
Nor to give our last embrace
Oh, the day that comes tomorrow
Please,let me say my final thanks!
You will never be replaced.

WELCOME
welcome into my life
I have been expecting you
I have been wanting you
I need you
more
now
as I have you
thank you for coming
thank you for staying
thanks for never leaving
and thousands of thanks for never
ever
looking back
read my words
and mark my wishes
take the best
leave out all the rest
stay with me
once again
as we hold on to this moment
forever
as I will never
ever
lose you
again
you were here from way back before
you were here to stay
hope you will remain
hope you know
that I
want to
welcome you back into my life

UNREAL
as unreal as we are
I want you to become
my unreal love
my eternal soul
my strong pillar
through my endless nights
and we will talk
and we will laugh
and we will cry
and we will jump
and we will scream and shout
like no tomorrow will
ever come
like no past was
ever there
like no present can
ever break
and I
and you
and we
will live that unreal
but so believable
present
endlessly
forever
over and over again
forever
and we will be happy

FORGIVE ME
forgive me for being late
as I will forgive you
for being slow
revel in this chance we got
to be
finally
to say
finally
that we are together
ask for my forgiveness
whenever
wherever
I will
as long as it's
for the past
for back then
when I was not with you
when you were not with me
when we wandered the streets alone
without looking at each other
without holding hands
without smiling to each other
stupid things
we'll never do
ever again

FORGIVENESS
If we all gave a little forgiveness,
What would be of us?
If we tried to ask and apologise,
Would it still be us?
Would we still be like this?
Would it matter again?
Would we cross it all out?
Or...
Take this last walk,
This last word,
For this last time.
Break the silence,
Never heard,
Never forgiven,
As we once were.
Free writing's on the wall
As I rub this out
For the first time.
For the first time
I try to stop,
I come back,
I wonder,
Why do I wonder?
Why do my hands shake
Whenever I meet you?
Why do I stutter
Like a child?
Why do I stumble
As I get lost
In your eyes.
Why do we have to keep meeting?
Why do I have to fake it?
Why can't you
Be you for good?
At least now
If never again.

PEACE
Let's be at peace with what we've done.
Grudges, lies, cries, screams and shouts, nights and stars,
Colours on shirts, scratches on photos, galleries of corpses,
Empty halls, desperate calls, wonders, questions and smiles,
Renewals, reincarnation, fire and ice, drops of blue blood,
Lonely birds, lost tourists, carriages, misunderstandings,
Laughs and grins, walks, misses, losses, shots and pulls,
Views of rivers, drowning in lakes, swans and peacocks,
Padlocks and keys, bridges in Paris, western hillsides,
Clouds of pink cotton, drinks of serotonin, chemicals,
Flashlights, neon lights, dirty streets, washed ink,
Crayons breaking, pages flying, spilled ink, rings,
Happy bananas, smileys, crosses, drunk seamen,
Penguins and seals, football, hockey pucks,
Cyclists downhill, games, black bikes,
Bug bites, purple shirts, garbage dumps,
Unlisted accounts, lifeless trains, springs,
Funeral cakes, baked goods, lands and spots,
Conversations, ignored leaflets, mails and posts,
Stamps of Martinique, islands under the Sun, wine,
Steps, pushes, bold moves, green leaves, dark trees,
Unaccomplished travels, sent letters, cardboard boxes,
Endless lines, neverending words, caves behind the waterfalls,
Rainbows, luckless leprechauns, fests and fairs, fake snowflakes,
And we're done and bored.
Let us make peace now.
I'll keep imagining that.
Let's live a little.

CITY LIGHTS
the city lights watch over the dark alleys tonight
those poles guide our way home
we keep walking alone
here's the warm path back
take this road and don't look back
smile as you keep going
drop the ashes
carry the hopes
fight the darkness
kill it in a fight
those lights in this city
they color what is numb
let's hope we meet again
this is the city of the lights

THE MAP
I would draw a map of that road.
I would place landmarks
Where we began and where we are now.
We would get lost from the first encounter.
Hopefully, we would meet again.
Like a bad habit,
We are still looking for treasures.
I have studied every map.
There is no path back.
We lost our way anyway.
Who needs a map?
Why need a map?

UNCONSCIOUS
days that turn into nights
nights which refuse to pass
days I'll never get back
moments I will have missed
unconscious I will wait
as no other way
will make me stop missing
missing you
who never came
I shall keep my peace
I shall keep my love
forever
as I will never cease
to wait
and wait
and wait...

HOLDING HANDS
I want pictures, holding hands
I want flowers holding hands
I want paintings of walls,
Sofas, trills and frills
Tassels
White china
Pink cashmere
Pale satin
Fake jewels.
I'll keep counting the days
And visiting
Over and over again.
Let flowers hold hands,
Motivate those hands!
Let us hold hands now...

ASSASSIN
Welcome back into my life,
My dear assassin,
My murderer,
My love.
Wish me better,
Wish me best.
Stay well and loved,
Close and good,
High and tall.
Take care
Never to be taken
Away again.
Please stay forever now!
Kill me again
And again
Until we both die
Later,
Just like we will
Forever,
My dear friend.

HOUDINI
do your magic
do it right
erase the pain
erase the wait
be here
be now
not there
not then
with me
with us
for me
for you
stop being my illusion
become real for once

FREEDOM
You know those?
Those were the days.
Those were the days when we smiled,
When we laughed.
Those were the moments,
Moments when I could breathe you
From far away,
Yet more miles closer
As you never came.
Back then,
When I could feed off you,
When I could have you.
When you gave me your best,
When you gave me my smiles and my tears,
My days and my nights,
When you gave me life,
The life I needed.
You were the one I wanted.
Please, be again.
I could only run there because you did.
I could only live because you lived.
I could only try and I will try again.
I am stuck.
You are my end.
You were my beginning.
I am not yours,
But I will be
Like you are always
Mine to breathe.
Let's not get lost in time.
Please, remember the past
Today, as I give you back
Your freedom...
Just be...
Live on and farewell
Until another morning comes
When you won't let go
As I did once
In a summer of love.

GOLDEN DAYS
I am now trying to replace you
I am trying to see why you left
the truth is I never understood you
you never understood me
if I were to go back to beginning
I would tell you I loved you
I would make you smile
and make you cry
I would make you run to me
and back and forth
I could do it if I had a second chance
and I would
you would stay forever
we would make it work
I don't even know why you left
those were the golden days
please
bring them back
how did we get here in the first place?

STARTING OVER
starting over
I will never want
I will want you
to be my forever
to never go
to never end us
once we start
once we will meet
we will be
I am sure

REVENGE
No
I'm not going to take revenge
I'll show you how you failed
how you missed what was great
I'll make you come back again
only so that we can both crumble
together
ad infinitum
you made me hate you
you made me see you
as I saw the others
like poor
pieces
of
...

UNREAL
I don't want to open my eyes,
Afraid that I will not be able
To see your face again,
Afraid that it's unreal.
It was a blessing in disguise
To be able to see you,
To be able to have
What I never had.
I will always wander back.
Let me forever remember you
As I wanted you to be,
As you were only for me.
Let me have these pictures,
In my mind,
My first love,
Always.
I don't want the memory of the good you to fade away...

TWINS
make me bleed
from your love
through my smiles
via your hugs
as I get lost
and lost
and lost
in your soul
with our hands
intertwined
as we get lost
and lost
and lost
in our smiles
and in our eyes
for many miles
as we become twins
forever

WAR
This war is with myself.
Do not take part.
Stay away or just stay.
Don't let me fight.
Please, lose this fight!
Break the lines
Break the frontiers
Be my joy
Become my habit
Hold my hand
Stay a while.
Shine a mile.
Be a part of my war.
Let's win this together
Once more.
Let's trust again...

CROCODILE
today
I am inspired more than ever before
all because
because I want to end this
as I wish
for you to come faster
if I do end this
which I soon will
as I'm rocking
this Crocodile headline
to make it fun
to make it worthwhile
to make this challenge stop
as I will never cease to wait
for my man
with that crocodile
on his stained shirt...

OLYMPIAN
gosh
how I wanted an olympian
more than anything
to become my all
to become my everything
to hold and cherish
to trust and conquer
to spend my days with
and suffer hours without
but now
all I want
and all I will ever want
is you
you who is now my olympian
who is now my all
who is now my everything
and more...
gosh
you are my olympian, dude!

STILL ME
Still me
Still no you
Still here
Still not there
Can I maybe just
Talk to you like this
If I know no other way
If I take no other chance?
Can I maybe just
Make this ruthless time pass quicker
So I won't have to go through this
So that I maybe
Don't have to wait another day
So I don't have to go on
Without you another second?
When will I stop
Sending letters to you?
Please,
Write back...

CHECKING IN
Checking in
once again
as I cannot distract myself
from you
who is not here
who was never here
the you whom I'm not sure
if I'll meet
ever
or ever again
no matter what
no matter how
for better days
for less time
we have
had
and will have
forever
endlessly
yours
only yours.

WOUNDED
I am weak
And I'm abused.
I can't nor talk,
Nor be patient
As I wait for some peace
As I give myself some time
To find some understanding
As I am misunderstood
And never understood.
Trying to make myself heard
Without speaking
Without saying a word
I'm hopeless
But I do love
And I would love
To love
A hopeless mind.
That's all there's left
And I am left wounded
And I am left torn
And I am left weak
As I'm weak
Over and over again...

HOW SHOULD I
How should I?
How should I wait?
How should I know where to go?
How should I know where to stand?
How could I... we meet maybe
Again one day?
Start for once
Start anew
Never end
What never began
How could I know where I stand?
How could we make it last?
Where would we go
If we had the chance?
How would we live
If we could share this day?
All that I want?
Yeah,
Sharing this day,
These moments,
Our future.

MUSIC
life is music
yeah
whatever
for me
I guess
life is you
life is us
life is being
wherever we are
however we are
whenever we want
with music
or without
dancing
or not
laughing
or...
yeah
I need laughing
I need music
I need dancing
I need us
and more so
I need you

FEATHERS
War is primitive.
End of story.
Stop plucking feathers.
Take a chance,
show love,
stop hesitating,
we only live for today,
we only love now.
We won't get to see tomorrow,
we will never get a second chance
to hug, to kiss, to run,
please, take my hand!
I am trying to change life,
to change the world,
for better,
never worse.
Don't run now,
look back
at what we could be.
For once,
see the future,
our future.
Look, the feathers,
they are flying...
Don't stop like us!
Let's be like feathers!
Let us fly freely,
let us live

UNDERAGE
I feel underage when I'm with you
nobody heals like you do
nobody sewed my heart's pieces like you did
I still long for your messages
I still want your attention
I need you
I couldn't find a better soul
I haven't replaced you yet
I don't want to forget you
I want you to be mine
in my memories
forever
please return
and stay this time
I know you like what you do
I hope it was worth it
I wish you the best
although you're not next to me
I wish you happiness
even if not with me
please find what you need
next to that someone
who can give you more
than you couldn't see
that I would give you
somehow
I still wish for you to return
even if many years later

DARING
will you come if I write these?
or if I never end my verse?
will you stop and drop
whatever you're doing
just to come?
will I be better than you had expecte?
will you be my forever only one?
will you
please
be that one?
am I a bit too daring
for wanting you to come earlier
for wanting you to stay
for telling you all this
now
am I?
am I yours?
please
do stop me from this rush
...
...
...

TRAPPED
untrap me as I am trapped
in this forever never-ending trap
I've put myself in
all while waiting
as I wait
and I wait
until I will never
ever
cease to wait
for you
while I hope
that you do so too
as I refuse to end my verses
and my words
and my poems
that do not need any rhyme
to get to you
to make me get to you
love always
and cherish this verse
as I will never
ever
cease to write it
for you

BREATHE
I am still waiting
waiting where we never met
but where we will
where we will be
where we will touch
as we will live
an endless moment
in our forever
as we will live
in a never-ending state
of hopeless
hopeless
love
but until then
my dear
dear
soul who's running
I will continue to breathe
hopefully...

EXTINCT
... and then men love the wrong persons, and we wait, and we wonder
why, why we can't be those wrong persons. We wonder why we wait.
We wonder why they love... and then they love other wrong persons,
and they lose their trust as we lose ours... and then we can't love
anymore, and we are doing this over and over again until we get lost in
our own loneliness, and then, yet again, we start to love those who love
other persons, and, at the same time, other persons love us, but we love
others, and we hate to love others, but we can't love what's right, and
we can't have what we need. We want what we can't have. We have
what we hate. We hate that we love. Love is extinct. We are going
extinct. We are dying out to please those we love, but we live to find
the ones who will fight with us for us... and, then again, we love to love,
and we hate to leave once we love love... and, then again, we begin our
search. We re-start our lives, and we get lost in the search as we
wander aimlessly through life. We don't give up. We cry. We stop. We
fall, but we crawl back to find that love that's gone extinct.

OVERALL
Do you remember how I would watch over you?
Or do you not know yet?
Have you ever known anything?
Have you ever known everything?
I still do that.
Nothing has changed.
Nothing is left.
I am left.
I hope to change.
I happen to change.
I happen to know.
Do you know how much I still cherish you?
Let's watch airplanes in the evening!
Please, be my saviour once again!
Stay this time,
And kill me over and over again.
Our never-was turned into never-weres.
It doesn't always work in the right way.
It doesn't always have to happen.
We shouldn't have met.
I don't regret it.
Overall, I like you.

HEAD OVER HEELS

head over heels we fall
but why do we wall
why can't we rise
why can't we raise each other
why don't we fall for us
let's bow to this moment
let's hope one more time
let's start the day anew
and start our lives again
with new people
new moments
new beginnings
and with no endings
or no remorse
in a constant run
for what we wish
I do wish to fall like this

VOLCANIC
volcanic we are
as we erupt
as we grow apart
to run away
from something
something that could have been
and that will be
once we tame our volcanoes
and we throw our anger away
into a shadow
where no love
can be nurtured
as we raise our love
in a world with just
2...

TWENTY-FOUR HOURS
24 hours I'll be waiting
for your messages,
for your smiles,
for you,
but they all fail to come,
they cease to exist,
I cease to wait.
as the clock strikes the twelfth hour,
we plan to meet
and we will never forget
what we once had
and what we cherished
before the end
of our rational selves.

COUNTRY
this my country
this is how I live
I want this to be yours
if not
then at least
give me your country
what you have
what you treasure
share your all with me
and I will share my all
with you

DUSK
Here I sit at dusk
With nothing but air around me.
This fresh air calms my soul;
This fresh air is all I have.
There you are at night.
The sky is dark;
The soft lights that I have are all gone.
I can't find you.
As the sun settles
Only shadows are left behind.
It's the beginning of darkness,
But don't worry,
There's a dawn.

ABANDONED SHIP
Abandoned ships cross the horizon;
We're waiting for the last tide.
Those who left never come back,
Yet, we try to stay here
And wait another day.
Wars have striken our lands,
Have left us empty on the shores.
Our last survivors are our heroes,
Wounded and broken,
Torn and lost.
A captain debarks his ship.
He throws his anchor, his guns,
And, as he tries to touch the sands,
He gives his last breath.
To us it's just another day.

TREASURE MAP
I'm still looking for that treasure map you hid from me
and I'm trying so hard to meet you,
but it's difficult for me to reach you
when you are hiding under that shell
and I find it painful to think that
the crucial moment when you chose to leave
left nothing more than a scar on your hand
and a mark on my world.
Yes, you are my treasure,
yet one I could not cherish
when I had it.
You are that type of fresh air
we all need in the morning,
but we fail to get.

What
What
What
What
What
What
What
What
What
What

if
if
if
if
if
if
if
if
if
if

WHAT IF YOU CAME

BACK

you came back?

you had another chance?
I gave you endless opportunities?
tomorrow was not like today?
you made that change?
we were apart no more?
I said I needed you?
you needed me?
we ran away?
we had a chance?

Let's do it all over again!

Let's meet again!
Let's love again!
Let's just be us!
Let us never end!

GLOBAL
Love
This global feeling...
This is why we live our long lives
So we make sure to meet each other
So that we make mistakes
As we live alone
As we walk
As we hold hands
And we let go
To hold other hands
And to let go again
Until we hold tight
Onto a soul.

ALL THE LITTLE THINGS

Of all the things I want to say to you:
Thank you for staying,
for being the only one who understood,
who didn't complain,
who never ran away,
who returned.
Thank you for being here, now!
I'm sorry I couldn't have you before,
near me, when I needed you,
when I wanted you to see me at my best.
I'm sorry I wasn't there for you back then,
when you needed me,
when you wanted me to hold your hand,
to tell you words of hope and love.
I'm sorry for talking to others,
for believing I liked them,
for getting angry,
for making you sad,
for crying;
I was a fool.
Once again,
I apologise.
I thank you for wanting me,
for accepting me,
for wanting to be with me,
for being my friend,
for making me feel beautiful,
confident,
loved,
needed,
secure,
treasured,
happy again
as I never was.

Thank you for the tender caresses,

for the forehead kisses,
and tight hugs,
for the long walks,
and fun drives,
for the dinners, breakfasts,
and lunches,
for the sweet desserts,
for the flowers and diamonds,
for the letters and gifts,
for the sweet words,
and for the chats I never wish to end.
Thank you for apologising,
for sharing your secrets,
your things and stories,
for making me laugh, cry,
for not laughing,
for making me trust you,
for being faithfull,
for coming back home,
for smiling,
for approving,
for helping,
for saving me,
for trusting me,
for being more than I ever wanted,
for giving me more of your free time
than you had.
Thank you for existing!
Thank you for being mine!
And...
Above of all,
Thank you for being a beautiful soul!
Breathe. Stay alive!
Thank you for living!
Let's meet over and over again!
Let's fall in love thousands of times!
I love you! Hold my hand!

WHY US
Why did you have to disappear
When I needed you more
Why did you have to die
When I first had you on my mind
Why did we never meet
When we should have
Why us
Why always us
Why can't we just be
As others are
Happily...
I will try to live
like this
for your sake
as I'll keep
resurrecting you
again and again
until you will
finally appear
once again
forever...

ME AGAIN
Hey
It's me again
Still here
Still not there
Still waiting
Still not sure where I should be
Were I should go
Were we should go
How we should be
Still me
Still me again
Only me
While no sight of you
Is anywhere near near
We are still
Still far
Farther away than we ever where
And ever will be.
Still waiting.

FOR YOU

You've never read my thoughts

like I could read yours
You might have never thought about me
like I did about you...
I need that love
as I need you
for you
as I will live
to see you
as I want you
to have someone
to be there
to be with someone
to never be without one
so that you
can live
what I never could
before...
Wish we lived the same life
and thought the same thought...

FLYING
I never met him,
yet, I loved him,
more than I ever loved a man,
more than I could ever love myself
or anyone.
I tried to tell him.
he never understood.
man, you left behind garbage,
anger, curses,
and a shy, broken girl
who can only cry,
do nothing,
and hope for better love.
understand this!
get yourself back together!
now, I want to be flying,
but maybe I never loved him.
maybe, I never wanted to see him.
maybe, I never loved those talks,
those hands I never got to hold.
maybe, I played with him.
or else, HE played me.

I now want to keep that image of him...

he, the guy who gave me attention,
whom I could trust,
the guy who cared,
who was curious
when I held on,
the boy who would take me down
and bring me back up again,
THAT ONE.
that soul I once cherished,
that good guy I once liked
and wanted to love
more than I ever loved,
over and over again,
forever.
Please,let me move on to the next chapter!
Don't let go!
Never forget me...

here we are
at my last message
here I am
at this small letter
I do not wish to end
but I will
because I'm selfish
and I want to you
faster
in my life
forever
because
finally I am
where no man has ever gone before
in this unreal life I'm living
with my olympian
daringly coming out my trap
opening my heart
and welcoming you
with
or without
the music
as I unconsciously wandered
through this adventure
through my country
and globally
where the wounded
and the broken
are extinct
after the war
where
overall
I found my freedom
falling head over heels
and hopelessly
in love with you
and got lost
without a map
as I see now
that I've written a poem
more than once
as I was utterly desperate
for my olympian
with whom I'll never
ever
be alone again
with whom I'll find peace
through my past's sacrifice
while holding hands
during our golden days

ENDING

and all the little things

I saw flying through my life
without ever reaching
will now
become
more than unreal
as I am home
at last
twenty-four hours after
or years
whatever it takes
I hope I'll be fortunate enough
to be patient
and not to have abandoned this ship
until you
out of the blue
gave me that one first embrace
as I was in so much need
of help
as you have colored my life
and gave me memories
that will make me forget
any apocalypse
as you were
perhaps
my masked hero
as you are now
not my fantasy
but my night light
the one who could compromise
just to wait
for me
at dusk
while I
for the first time
want to be in your company
at day
at night
whenever
not in my dreams
but in my reality
as we start
this new beginning
while I am writing my last poem
kind of
because something tells me
it's only one of my first...
and remember how this ending
is
and will be
our beginning...

PART 2
HAIKU

THIN ICE
Cold winter;
Lost bird
On thin ice.

SMOKE
Autumn air
Filled with dark smokeSad people.

TOURIST
Spring blossoms;
The tourist stork
Meets the crane.

ETERNITY
Drops of clear waterLost and fallen
For eternity.

NEW GROWTH
Flower budNew growth
In the spring.

SIX FEET UNDER

The wind blows;
The bird lays
Six feet under.

FLASH FLOOD
Flash floodNear the river
Trees fall.

INNOCENT
Innocent petals
Falling on the cold groundTears of deep sorrow.

FIGHT OR FLIGHT
Dragonflies fight
Waiting for flight;
Raindrops falling.

VANISHING
Ethereal fogVanishing
As the sun rises.

STARS
Sky covered in stars;
I wonder where you are
As time passes by.

OVER THE MOON

Like a cricket
Over the mystic moon
I want to jump.

CRIMINAL
Behind those shadows
The criminal stole the moon.
It left no sunlight.

DESERT
That desert's warmth could kill.
No soul was seen under Sun's rays
And no one could live.

FIRE
Hot shining sun
Brings fire
Over forests.

DARKNESS
Darkness falls over the hill
Moonlight starts to fade
Clouds have covered the wide sky.

OFF-BALANCE
A lost bird on ice
Blowing wind through pine forestsHolds no power now.

OCEAN
Ocean's water;
Waves crashing
In harmony.

MAGIC
The magic of earth
Is seen
Only once in life.

FOG
The fog
Hides shadows
At night.

ADVENTURE
After this long wait,
Our adventure begins,
My forever love...

OPEN HEART
Open my heart now
Open yours as well, my dear
Let us be brave now
in this world...

SACRIFICE
Gods are preparing.
The sacrificed is waiting.
Don't abandon it!

PARALYZED
The night can fall now.
A crow lies under the sand
Paralyzed, hopeless.

THE END