Student Writing Analysis

T/L 322
Kristen Carson & Torin Sawyer
Writing Samples: the student writing samples that we scored were from Mrs. Casanovas 5th
grade class. Students were asked to choose one of the two stories given in the test to read.
Once they had completed reading, they were to summarize the story in their own words. The
two readings were about 1. Marathon Kids and 2. Seeing-eye Dogs.

Student #1 - Marathon Kids

Ideas: 4
Justification: This student is clear and focused more often than not, has a main point and the
student shows sufficient knowledge of the topic they are covering. This student gives some new
information and some common knowledge information is expanded on. The quality of the details
definitely outweigh the generalities.
Examples: This student gave a lot of good examples of important information such as: 33% of
teens and kids are overweight or obese and pushing to eat 5 fruits and vegetables. This
student also made it clear what the main point should be, which is instilling healthy habits into
kids, so hopefully the habits will carry over into their adulthood.
Organization: 3
Justification: This student had a pretty loose organization to his writing, which could make it
hard to understand fully. This student also needs to work on their leads and conclusion before
this piece of writing would be polished as a final draft. This student also needs to add in more
transitions, as he jumps around from fact to fact. This student definitely spent too much time on
trivia, and it is hard to see the follow through with their writing.
Examples: This student started out with a fact, students from kindergarten-5th grade are
pushed to run 26.2 miles. This student does not introduce his topic, he seems to jump right into
it, headfirst. This student also needs to add in transitions between his ideas, like here ...their
habits will be better. They are also pushing. While this student has a lot of facts, he does not
organize them in a way that flows well.
Voice: 3
Justification: I actually think this student has aspects from both the 3 section and the 4 section,
but because of the fact that it isnt ready to be shared aloud, and that it seems sporadic, made
me give this paper a 3. This student does seem very earnest and sincere with their writing, but
they spout off too many facts for them to put their own voice into their writing.
Examples: This paper seems sporadic because it jumps around from students running, to
people being overweight to eating five fruits and vegetables a day. This student Also doesnt
seem to have a specific audience in mind, since they seem to be talking towards kids, but then
switch to teens, and then back to kids.
Word Choice: 5

Justification: This student seems to encompass all attributes of the 5 section for word choice.
This student seemed to be natural, and they used the words they chose confidently. I would say
that this student had some engaging parts in this summary, and the words this student chose to
use were concise, expressive and striking.
Examples: Some of the words that this student used that seemed impressive to me were:
pushed, fit, habit, pushing and vegetables. These words give a real feeling of energy to
this writing, and lets the reader know that this student knows about fitness.
Sentence Fluency: 5
Justification: Although there was an aspect to this students writing that seemed more towards
a 4, or even a 3, overall, they would have scored a 5. This writing was readable on the first try,
had some sentence variety in structure and length, and was readily understandable. One thing
that this piece of writing lacked, however, was a good rhythmic flow.
Examples: One thing I noticed while reading through this students writing was that he only
mentioned that he was talking about the students in the first sentence, and they were never
mentioned elsewhere, instead the students were represented by they. This is a good
example of a student substituting a noun for a pronoun, which showcases a high level of
thinking.
Conventions & Presentation: 4
Justification: This student has a great grip on conventions and presentation. While there are a
few minor spelling errors, there is nothing that distracts from the meaning of the writing. One
thing that I noticed was that this student only used periods and did not use numerous
conventions. Also, a good once over is necessary before publishing.
Examples: One part that tripped me up was when the student wrote run 26.2 miles/ a
marathon, which shows me that they are trying to add in other conventions but need to practice
a bit more. This student misspelled habbit, but correctly spelled all of the other words written
down.

Student #2 - Marathon Kids

Ideas: 6
Justification: This student had a clear and focused idea that help the readers attention
throughout the duration of the read. This student also exhibited a strong main point and even
employed a story line. I could tell that this student had an in depth knowledge of the topic that
they were summarizing, and the piece of writing takes the reader on a journey.
Examples: This student kept the same idea throughout the piece of writing, mentioning
marathon kids multiple times as well as running. This student also let the reader know that
they were specifically talking about kids and getting them into the habit of being fit.
Organization: 5

Justification: This student had a clearly purposeful organization and a sense of direction,
including having a strong lead and conclusion. There arent as many transitions as I was hoping
to see, but the flow of this writing seemed pretty smooth. This student had a good pace for their
summary and it was very easy to follow.
Examples: The student started out the writing by saying the passage is about a program called
marathon kids, and goes on to tell the reader what marathon kids actually is. The conclusion
that this student states: studies show that about 30 percent of american children and teens are
overweight, which tells us exactly why marathon kids is important. One transition that this
student had was ...running the distance at once. Instead, they are running, which could have
been combined into one sentence, but still works, and adds some sentence variation.
Voice: 4
Justification: This students writing seems to stand out from many others, and has some good
share aloud moments. The writer seems present in the piece and comes off as earnest and
sincere in their summarization of marathon kids. This piece shows awareness of the readers
as well.
Examples: One of the read aloud moments that I saw while reading through this piece of writing
was that marathon kids is designed to get kids in habit of running at an early age. This seems
read aloud material to me, because it might highlight to the class how important it is to be active
while they are young. The tone that the reader uses seems respectful, and aimed at pleasing
the reader, which could be a classmate or a teacher.
Word Choice: 5
Justification: This student had many engaging moments in his/her writing. The student
included words that create a clear message, image, and impression of the story that they are
summarizing. Also, this student used strong verbs throughout the writing sample.
Examples: The student used strong verbs in sentences such as, Marathon Kids is designed to
get kids in the habit of running at an early age., and Studies show that about 30 percent of
American children and teens are overweight. I liked how the student used words such as,
designed, habit, studies show, and teens. These examples also show how the student included
words that create a clear message, image, and impression because the writer is being very
descriptive. The student is not using simple adjectives to describe what he/she is summarizing.
Sentence Fluency: 5
Justification: This student included a wide variety of sentence style, structure, and length. In
addition, this student writes in a way that is readily understandable and it is readable on the first
try. Lastly, the writer has a very good flow between sentences because he/she used different
words to beginning each sentence.
Examples: Some examples provided from this writing sample that support the students use of a
variety of sentence style, structure and length are, Instead, they are running a quarter mile to a
half mile at a time. and But the students are not running the distance at once. The first
sentence shows how the student includes a complex sentence and the second sentence shows
how the student includes a simple sentence. Some examples of the beginning of this students
sentences are, the passage, but, instead, Marathon Kids, and studies show, all of these words

at the beginning of his/her sentences help the summary flow and also makes this piece
readable on the first try.
Conventions & Presentation: 5
Justification: This writing sample exhibits one that is ready to publish with light touch-ups.
Since there are minor errors that are easily overlooked and correct use of conventions this
student would have little to no clean up before publishing.
Examples: The one spot that I would have the student revisit is the first sentence, The
passage is about a program called Marathon Kids the program is about kids that are
challenged to run 26.2 miles. I would have the student revisit this sentence because it could be
broken up into two separate sentences. I would point out to the student that this sentence
seems long, and I would have him/her read it out loud to hear where there could be a break or
pause. Once the student has seen where to break apart the sentence into two separate
sentences I would ask for the student to revise the summary.

Student #3 - Seeing-eye Dogs

Ideas: 2
Justification: This student struggled to tie the reading into the summarized paragraph. The
main idea and message is hard to infer, along with the students broad unsupported generalities.
Not only did this student not stay on topic for the reading, they also jumped from one idea to the
next. It looks like this student really struggled to fill the space given, because he/she gives an
opinion at the beginning that cannot be justified or supported from the reading.
Examples: In the beginning of the writing sample, the student states, Traning dogs is fun and
hard, the reading did not generalize that training dogs is hard nor is it fun. The student stated a
broad generalization rather than supporting the details with evidence. After the student states
this generalization, he/she continues on to give information about one his/her friends stating,
Cree spends three hours each Wednesday traning dogs. This information was not in the text,
and this example directly supports that the main idea of this writing sample is hard to infer.
Lastly, the student filled a little over half of the given space for the summary. This shows that
the student struggled to fill the space provided, especially with the last sentence the student
added, So come on lets do it!, this sentence shows that the student was out of things to write
about and added a filler sentence that would take up more space on the page.
Organization: 1
Justification: In this writing sample, the student did not have a clear sense of direction, it was a
challenge to follow the writers thinking, everything is as important as everything else, and there
was no lead or ending to this sample.
Examples: Overall, this writing sample is all over the place when it comes to organization. The
students started the summary with, Traning dogs is fun and hard. There is no hook to get the
reader interested. The writer also ends the piece by stating, So come on lets do it! instead of
wrapping everything together into a clear ending. In addition, this writing sample does not
differentiate from what information is important and what are supporting details. For example,
the writer states, She would rather spend time with the dogs then her friends. then the writer

jumps and says, So you should try to help us get more people to come and help. these two
pieces of information seem equally as important to the writer. I cannot tell if this writer is trying
to persuade me to volunteer at an animal shelter or if she is summarizing a story. This example
also shows how it is difficult to follow the writers thinking because there is so much jumping
around.
Voice: 2
Justification: I decided to give this writing sample of 2 because I do not feel that this is writing
to be read. I do see some voice in this sample, but again, Im not sure if the voice that I am
seeing is voice that Im reading into. Lastly, I felt that this writing sample was distant in the
sense that the writer is listing off details instead of actually having a voice in the piece.
Examples: I felt that there was a hint of voice when the writer states, So come on lets do it! at
the very end of the writing sample. But I felt that I could be reading into the voice instead of
voice actually being present. Also, this writing is not ready to be read to the class yet, because
there are not shareable moments, especially because the writer did not stay on topic.
Word Choice: 1
Justification: I gave this writing sample a 1 for word choice because the writer repeats and
overworks words such as, she and so at the beginning of almost every sentence. Also, the
writer seems to really be struggling with the summary because he/she keeps writing simple
sentences that do not have any flair.
Examples: The writer used she and so at the beginning of almost every sentence, She
volonteers at Assistance Dogs of the west., She would rather spend time with the dogs then
her friends., So you should try to help us get more people to come and help., and So come
on lets do it!. All of these sentences are extremely simple and there is not differentiation in the
format. If the student used different words at the beginnings of these sentences, then the
writers word choice would be a lot better.
Sentence Fluency: 3
Justification: This student struggles with sentence variety, flow, and some sentences are not
very clear at first glance. If the student would have added more variety to sentence structure,
then I believe that the sentences would have flowed together more.
Examples: The student used many simple sentences throughout this writing sample such as,
She volonteers at Assistance Dogs of the west., and So come on lets do it!. The student
could have connected some of his/her thoughts into compound sentences instead of breaking
each idea into a separate sentence. Since all of the sentences were simple, reading this
sample made it very choppy and hard to read in some parts. If the student would have
combined sentences, then the overall flow of the summary would have been a lot better in
general.
Conventions & Presentation: 4
Justification: There are a few misspellings and punctuation errors that the writer would need to
do a good once-over prior to publication. Overall, the errors do not interfere with the message,

even though that message is confusing. Lastly, most of the spelling and punctuation is correct
in this writing sample.
Examples: The student continued to spell training incorrectly throughout the writing sample.
The student forgot to include the first i so he/she is spelling it traning. The student forgot to
include an apostrophe in lets. The student wrote, So come on lets do it!, instead of, So
come on lets do it!. In that sentence, the writer could have also included a comma after the
word on, which would have made the sentence flow better.