1956

90,
high
blood
pressur

Forced
marriage
during
Japanese

62,
smokes,
alcoholis
m, heart

m.

53,
valvul
ar
diseas
m. 1986

28,
smokes,
drinks,
illicit

80,
high
blood
pressur

1 child,
younge
st of all
7
m.
1942

19,
drinks

6
children;
80,
cause of Eldest
given to
death
m.
hepatitis
1944

83,
diabetes,
death by
pneumoni

62,
smokes,
high
blood

5
7
m.
X rape

25

25,
2 smokes,
4 drinks,
Catholic

25

23,
former
smoker,
drinks

Dating since
2010
X unexpected, terminated due to fear of maternal
grandmothers inability to accept and possible
maltreatment

Although my familys ancient history begins in China, only my paternal

grandfather, step-grandmother, and maternal grandfather identify it as their
country of origin. World war and the Japanese occupation in the 1940s drove
them to settle in Malaysia, where my paternal grandmother had emigrated from
Indonesia. She married into a polygamous situation and had 6 children, including
my father. To show respect to the first wife, she had to give up custody of her
eldest son (the family valued male offspring and honored birth and marriage
order.) The first wife later gave birth to her own child, bringing my dads sibling
count up to 6: 4 brothers (in nonracial marriages) and 2 sisters (in biracial
marriages.) My father never supported his sisters marriages.
Despite being born and raised in Malaysia, my dads family, including my
grandmother, considered themselves people of a Chinese province that spoke
the dialect Teocheu. My paternal grandmother and father always encouraged us
to identify ourselves similarly. However, my siblings and I disappointed them and
never learned this dialect. We could not effectively communicate with our
grandparents. My paternal grandfather died in 1995 of Hepatitis B. My
grandmother developed and lived with diabetes for 10 years before succumbing
to pneumonia in 2012. Following both of their deaths, my father and his siblings
feuded bitterly concerning inheritance.
My maternal grandfather left the Hainan province of China and also found
his way to Malaysia during the upheaval of war. My maternal grandmother, who
was born in Malaysia but of Chinese descent, was orphaned by the war. She
shouldered the responsibility of caring for her siblings and has always had a
caretaker role since then. She married my grandfather for stability and protection
from the Japanese. They had five children together: 4 females and 1 male.
Because of financial struggles, my grandfather sold one of the female children
(as males were valued more back then.) My grandmother separated from him to
protect the rest of the children, but they never divorced. She raised them on her
own the best way she knew how. However, her harshness drove most of her
children away. She has bad relationships with all besides my mother. My
grandmother accompanied my mom when she moved to the U.S. after her
marriage to my dad. Although she disapproved of American culture, she
remained to help my mom take care of us children, when my dad decided to
move back to Malaysia.
Enter my siblings and I. Because my mom was always working, my
maternal grandmother raised us. We have a very strong bond with her. She
taught us how to speak, read, and write Mandarin. She taught us about
Buddhism. She worried we would crumble like our dads family so she reinforced
the necessity for collectivism, sibling closeness, and devalued material and
monetary things. She also encouraged us to study hard in order to make
everyones sacrifices worthwhile. Thanks to her guidance, I can own some
aspects of our shared culture: language, religion, and strong family bonds.

However, my siblings and I were all born in the United States, so we have
some directly conflicting ideals. We received a lot more Western influence in our
lives than just the one Eastern source we had at home. We focus less on
collectivism. We are more open to other races and ideas. One of my big conflicts
with my grandmother concerns race. She believes in saving face and
maintaining purity in bloodlines. Directly translated: she is prejudiced against my
Indian boyfriend and does not support our relationship. She considers it an
embarrassment and a reflection of her poor job raising me. She has referred to
my actions as disrespectful and insubordinate and has threatened to
excommunicate me from her life. These are some ideals I simply cannot own.
To my grandmothers additional dismay, we preferably like to identify
ourselves as American because of our influences. But when speaking to
traditional Americans (white and blacks,) that answer never seems to suffice.
People want to know where we are really from. To this, we generally pick
between Malaysia, China, and Singapore, whichever suits our whimsy. At this
point, one might wonder where Singapore comes from. It is our familys defense
mechanism to post 9-11 Islam phobia and the fact that Malaysia is an Islamic
country. Unfortunately, religion is not always visually discernible, and no one can
tell that we are Buddhist. With all of these countries and ideals jumbling together,
I have a bit of an identity crisis concerning my place and culture of origin.
For this reason, I believe I tend to work best with other first generation
Asian Americans and children of immigrants. They, like me, have duality in their
lives and understand the pressures and expectations of honoring our familys
sacrifices. Thankfully, I feel that I have enough in common with both international
people and traditional Americans so that I do not have too much trouble working
with either group. I am the intersection of many cultures, and it has been both a
gift and a curse.
This exercise was very eye opening. I have never had to evaluate my
origins so carefully and critically. I think it has made me understand myself a little
bit better. It makes me feel a little more vulnerable about myself. It was a great
exercise, but I dont think that the questions really applied to the genogram. At
least for me, I felt like I was forcing some of the interpersonal relationships I drew
out into answering the questions.