LaBrion Jones

Professor Lindsay Hastings

RHET 1312
3 October 2016

Overcoming and Owning Social Awkwardness/Anxiety

Being socially awkward presents a lot of challenges for many people. It can lead to
anxiety attacks, stress, hesitation, and embarrassment. Imagine lacking social interaction for
most of your life, struggling with many conflicts like self-esteem, thoughts of judgment and
rejection from others, and the thought of making a fool of yourself. Now imagine having to try to
shrug all of that off at once in hopes for a high grade in an important class or an interview for a
job that you want, or even asking out that particular individual that you find interest in. It may
seem like a walk in the park to some, but for the people who deal with it on a daily basis, its a
constant battle.
Social awkwardness is a burden as it makes even the most simple tasks seem like a
mountain that they have to climb. Sure, theres the common outsider comments like just talk to
them, just do it, youre making this more complicated than it has to be, but to someone who
is socially awkward its a struggle to even think about doing something like that. Many factors
come into play with problems such as this, such as bodily appearance, self-confidence, being
rejected, and bullied. This is further evidenced in David A. Moscovitchs article How Awkward!
Social anxiety and the Perceived Consequences of Social Blunders. Moscovitch and fellow
cognition expert Thomas L. Rodebaugh, similarly theorized that social anxiety is caused by the

perception of ones self-value and attributes, as well as socially anxious people hold a core
extrusion schema, which is characterized by the thought If people really knew me, they would
reject me, so I hide my true self to avoid scrutiny.
On the other hand, interaction could have caused the individual to be this way in the first
place. Constant instances of negative interaction could cause one to become more reserved and
reclusive. An example of such a thing is when the individual has conversation with their peers.
When talking to them, the individual more than likely felt that the conversation would flow
normally like most conversations do, but while talking to their peers they may notice the peers
body language which includes looking off in the distance, looking at their phones, and not
contributing to the conversation in anyway. If the individual doesnt normally confide in most
but feels like they can with these peers and receives these results, it can be placed in their minds
that no one cares about what they have to say so they just close up and keep their thoughts to
themselves. This can lead to an even worse situation such as depression, as it can cause you to
feel as if youre alone.
This societal disadvantage can make one feel trapped within their own minds, constantly
looking for ways to break free. Fortunately, there are ways to fight these hardships. In an article
titled The Science of Awkwardness, it is stated that awkwardness is most likely due to our own
perceptions as to how situations should go as opposed to an actual problem. There are several
steps to overcoming social awkwardness:
1. Know they're normal.
Whether you burst into the wrong meeting, say goodbye to someone before continuing on the
same path or get trapped in a conversation that's more silence than dialogue,awkward situations
are a part of life.

"We all have these [experiences]. The trick is deciding how meaningful they are and how much
they're getting in the way for you," Teachman says. "Typically, it's not the awkward moments
that are the problem, it's how you interpret them or make sense of them.
2. Get a reality check.
One way not to interpret them? As the end of the world, says Joy McClure, assistant professor at
Adelphi University's Derner Institute of Advanced Psychological Studies.
"If you have a belief that having an awkward conversation is a really terrible thing that's
really problematic because what it means is that you play over and over when small social
mistakes or awkward moments occur," she says. In turn, you'll be kissing your social life
goodbye.
Instead, give yourself a reality check. "The next time you have the thought, 'Oh my gosh, she
thinks I'm a total idiot,' ask yourself, 'Is there really evidence to support that thought?'" Teachman
advises. "And, if there really is some kind of negative judgment, is it really the end of the
world?" The more you encounter and recover from such situations, the easier they'll be.
3. Call it out.
Clegg's research suggests that the best strategy for recovering from awkward situations is to
acknowledge the awkwardness head-on. Even better if you can do it with humor. "Be honest and
upfront about the awkwardness when it occurs preferably with a good joke," Clegg says.
That strategy saved Penelope, a woman described in Clegg's study who asked a friend how his
brother was doing. Little did she know, the brother had recently passed away. "There you go,
Penelope," her husband said, coming to the rescue. "You just ruined the evening for everyone."
The crowd laughed, the tension lifted and the crisis was averted.
"It takes two to tango, and if you're in a socially awkward situation, you're not the only person
there," says McClure, who studies social relationships. "Try to appreciate the awkwardness for
what it is, and try to work with the other person to get past it."
4. Don't run away.
On the flip side, trying to run away from the situation will only backfire, Clegg's research
suggests. Molly learned that lesson when she spent the rest of the party avoiding her exboyfriend's friends who had teased her. When she ran into one of those friends much later, he still
brought the joke up. The experience "never" stopped being awkward, she told researchers.

Not only will the awkwardness persist if it's not resolved right away, but so too will your own
discomfort. Withdrawing from a situation "can actually make that anxiety and that sense of
awkwardness worse because you're not getting to find out that you can recover," Teachman
says. These are only a few of the methods from the article that can be used to fight social
anxiety. Each step revolves around coming to terms with the the source of awkwardness and
pushing past them.
As an actor, I have to constantly remind myself to let go of my limitations so that I can
give my best performance. The constant negative thoughts from over-analyzing situations causes
many roadblocks for me and causes me to miss critical points such as creativity and
improvisation. Im always thinking about what to do instead of just doing something on instinct.
Theres so much that I could learn about myself and from working with others if I would just be
comfortable with myself. The previously mentioned steps can help push through those
roadblocks. I dont have a choice but to push through if I want to make it in the film industry
anyway and I think that these steps can help achieve that goal.
While these steps may help others, they wont help everyone. The ones that it wont help
are those that have been diagnosed with autism. Autism comes into play as it is often mistaken
for common social awkwardness. This is because they each share multiple signs such as
awkwardness in social situations, having bad communication skills, avoiding eye contact, and
shyness. According to an article, titled The Difference Between Social Anxiety and Autism by
ICARE4AUTISM, socially anxious people dont lack the capability to socialize with others.
Their social skills are intact but they are too scared to put them to use. Those with autism,
however, do not have that luxury. They cant properly understand nonverbal communication and
dont know how to properly react.
In a video titled The Science of Social Awkwardness, video host Michael Stevens
discusses the science of social awkwardness and how it is influenced by societal expectations
and our own perspective of things. This is where owning your awkwardness comes in as it is not
completely a burden. Stevens mentions that showing awkwardness at appropriate moments
shows that you are aware of social exchanges and through research it has been found that those
that exhibit awkwardness, remorse, or embarrassment are often seen as more trustworthy and
their actions are considered to be more forgivable. They are even seen as kinder and more
generous than others.

Works Cited

@joannarothkopf. "This Is Your Brain on Awkwardness: The Scientific Reason Why You Feel

Super-duper Uncomfortable." Saloncom RSS. N.p., n.d. Web. 25 Oct. 2016.

@icare4autism. "The Difference Between Autism and Social Anxiety." ICare4Autism. N.p., 2013.
Web. 25 Oct. 2016.

Moscovitch, David A., Thomas L. Rodebaugh, and Benjamin D. Hesch. "How Awkward! Social

Anxiety And The Perceived Consequences Of Social Blunders." Behaviour Research & Therapy 50.2
(2012): 142-149. Academic Search Complete. Web. 6 Oct. 2016.

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2015/11/23/the-science-of-

awkwardness