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I HAVE NO
INTENTION OF
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PLEASURABLE
FOR STRAIGHT
P E O P L E

THE FAGA ZINE

TABLE OF CONTENTS

STAFF

PRAISE BE

EDITOR

HUNTER STACKS
PAGE 4

Z ACH FRA ZIER

A GUIDE FOR THE NAIVE

HOMOSE XUAL//RELIGION
Even though no other religions except the Christian and Jewish ones
concerned themselves with homosexuality, the Christian church has always
frowned on homosexual practices and the ancient Jews distrusted them,
apparently because they cannot lead to the procreation of children. (How
strange it is that in modern times we tolerate married heterosexual couples
who use birth control and yet we jeer at married homosexual couples who

INTERVIEW

WRITERS

ELIZ ABE TH JAYNE WENGER

& ANONYMOUS
PAGE 8

HUNTER STACK

EVANGELIST
CALEB RAYNOR
PAGE 14

SEED
ELIZ ABE TH JAYNE WENGER
PAGE 16

ALBUM REVIEW
PITCHFORK MEDIA
PAGE 20

ELIZ ABE TH JAYNE

WENGER
CALEB RAYNOR

practice the ultimate in birth control the only method with no known
failures homosexuality.)
St. Paul seems to have regarded homosexual behaviour itself with
abhorrence, apparently because such acts were unnatural.
Romans1:27
Likewise also with men, leaving the natural use of women, burned in
their lust toward one another
This suggests that St. Paul subscribed to the prairie fire view of homosexual
conduct that it is naturally more attractive than heterosexual satisfaction
and that if allowed legally and morally everyone would turn to it. This is
plainly contrary to experience most societies (i.e. the non-Judeo-

PHOTOGRAPHY
IASIAH PICKENS

Christian ones) have no such taboos against homosexuality and I refuse

to believe that women in those cultures are sexually neglected. It is no
more likely that people will turn to bestiality if it is legalized and morally
sanctioned than they will to homosexuality. As for it being unnatural,
homosexual behaviour exists in every human culture and in most of the
species of the higher mammals. Unnatural is what we call things we are

ILLUSTRATIONS
Z ACH FRA ZIER

afraid and do not yet understand.

Other than two verses in Leviticus, (Leviticus is the book where people who
commit adultery, marry their wifes sister, have intercourse with women
during their periods, eat the fat of any animal etc. are either to be banished
or put to death) the only other anti-homosexual references are in the
writings of St. Paul, who left no doubt about his ideas:
1 Corinthians 6:9
Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God?
Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolators, nor adulterers, nor
effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind Shall inherit
the kingdom of God.
His opinions may have been personal ones, however, or part of the accepted
Jewish thought of the day. Equally strong prohibitions that women should
not pray with their hats off, nor speak in church tend to be disregarded by
most modern Christians, so St. Pauls views are not, in themselves, final.
There are hundreds of condemnations of heterosexual sex between
unmarried couples in the Bible and only a handful condemning homosexual
sex. Hmmm.
One important point to make is that Jesus himself never once made mention
of the evils of homosexuality. Perhaps he felt it was such a minor sin that it
was not worth fretting about. Perhaps when he said, Love thy neighbour he
meant just that and love between men is good.

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The fact is: gays and religion dont

ourselves as nothing more than such.

their ways, and start letting them

mix. Im sorry to be the one to say

The idea of validation doesnt exist

know how we will be treated.

it, but as it stands, we are constantly

so we start to take head of religions

told that we are not supposed to be a

words and start letting that influence

Yes, we have been through so much

part of the whole God thing. Yes there

our own thoughts. Dont believe

and I understand youre tired. I get it,

are gay churches, the apologists

me? If you still stare at a same sex

I really do. The second I came out,

stating they are sorry on behalf of

couple holding hands and think wow

I joined a group and started seeing

the rest of their sect, or the whole

thats so brave of them!, then you

how I could help the cause. It has

Gods still speaking campaign, but

probably do have residual issues

been 5 years since I dramatically

they make up a small part of a bigger

instilled by traditional ideas that the

shifted from the preppy life to a die-

community. The hate doesnt lie in

church placed in our society all those

hard queer rebel. I am tired. But it

an African country quoting Adam

years ago.

wont end unless we end it. So pick

up your signs, do some research,

and Eve, not Adam and Steve or a

Hunter Stack

young

man

and

womans life where they

begin

to

learn

about

themselves and each other. I mean,

of course, freshman year of high
school. For most, its a time of
challenging classes and college visits,
but theres a particular group who has
a little something extra: Catholics.
Upon entering high school, a catholic

I am guilty of all of this for I am still

and block out the nonsense; we can

brothers and sisters, but here in

in the church, still thinking that hand

handle the hate.

our home. We hear constantly from

holding is brave, still thinking that

churches how wrong the act is, how

we cant be happy as if it is what I

Jesus does not approve, how hell is

deserve after being born a fag. But I

the biggest gayborhood out there,

do know we can fight the system and

and the word abomination. The fun

stop apologizing for it. I cant stand

little A word is argued to have had

to see the new wave of kids coming

a different meaning when it was

out that think they cant explore their

originally written, but it stands as

options, that marriage is an uphill

a slang insult. It seems no matter

battle still, or that they will be placed

how far we come, theres something

in a box immediately after saying

telling us what we are and what is

they find someone attractive. You

going to happen; we may even be

know exactly how being told youre a

telling ourselves that.

bear because you have body hair or

a twink because youre skinny. With

here is a special time in

every

Middle Eastern country stoning our

Dont let yourself forget, we are

things like You like twinks because

subliminally taught that the queer

you only want the skinny, pretty guys

second year of the process and I

Why should I join a faith that has

lifestyle

abnormal

or hes a little big, dont you think?

had completed just about everything

actively tried to remind me that they

and that we all must strive to align

or our classic are you sure you dont

up to the ceremony. The final piece

do not like what I am?

ourselves as close to conventional

have daddy issues? its no wonder

was to have a meeting with the

Should I really join a church that

relationships

These

kids these days are turning away

priest to discuss any reservations

wont even let me marry in its walls

ideals are instilled from a young

from our community and feeling lost;

and concerns to ensure you are fully

or with its priests?

age using media that only displayed

we used to be a safe house in the

heterosexual relationships when I

Christian controlled land. But now,

committed to the path of faith.

is

weird

as

we

or

can.

He was shocked, but understood

was young, to portraying the entirety

hatred and shame have rooted in us

I had reservations the entire time,

where I was coming from. I wish

of the LGBT community as a sassy

and vulnerable kids get sucked in our

must begin Confirmation, a seminar

so naturally, I welcomed the friendly

I could perform these marriages, I

gay man and a lesbian whos just

run away out of fear. We have to stop.

that

debate.

teaches

the

youths

about

the

really do, but I could lose my job and

one of the guys. The eunuchs

Thats all there is to it. While religion

Catholicism and how they must be

private meeting, some small talk, and

be laicized from the church. I knew

of society, we were meant to be

is a centuries old establishment with

held accountable for their own sins.

a synopsis of the proceedings, I was

this was the reality before I came,

nothing more than a comedic release

their rules and beliefs that take time

With weekly classes, essays, sponsors,

given the chance to ask questions

but I had to hear it with my own gay

without hinting to the slightest ting

to change, we have stood as an open

and community service, the children

and explain why I want to join. I

ears.

of sexuality. The imagery of being

club for all. We must stop letting the

become fully-fledged members in

immediately dove to the only thing on

Have you ever wondered why so

reduced to subhuman emotions and

outside influences tell us to sensor

the church. Well, almost. It was my

my mind:

many LGBT individuals are atheists?

relationships, we begin to think of

ourselves, to change and adapt to

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After

stepping

into

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How do you feel you will navigate

being queer when you are in a long
term relationshipmaybe getting
married?
There will be some sacrifices that will
have to be made. I will have to it

Have you ever been in a long term

relationship?

Did your family know about this?

I have.

through my phone while I was in the

With a woman?

shower and it did not go over well.

Yes, I have.

will take a lot of decision making on

what identities I need to go off. So
if its being queer and maintaining a
relationship with my future partner,
I might have to kind of steer away
from being a Muslim, but keeping my
cultural values and not so much my
religious ... Id have to think about my
family and my relationship with them
because obviously I still do love my
family even though they dont support
my queerness. So there would have
to be a lot of decision making and
sacrifices made, and honestly, I dont
like to think about that right now.

How do your parents interact with

you now knowing that there is a
chance you might be queer, based
on what they found out when they
looked through your phone?
My dad has not acknowledged it since,
but I do feel like its in the back of
his head. My mom will make remarks
every once in awhile when I tell her
who Im hanging out with and it will
all be girls. Shell be like So none
of them have boyfriends? or like,
why arent there any boys hanging
out? and Ill be like, No they are all
single. And shed ask me if they are
lesbians um which they are! But I

Elizabeth Jayne Wenger

+ Anonymous

he sits in front of a rainbow flag

and I ask her questions, this
girl I met through Spectrum,
our college LGBTQ+ group.

to talk in relative privacy. I pull out my

Okay, so, why do you feel you need to

be anonymous for an interview about
being queer?

phone and begin recording. I learn I dont

My religion is Islam ... Im Muslim. My family is Muslim (Im

We are in our clubs office, meeting here

know what its like through her smiles and

our good nights, through the safety and
comfort of our friends. I dont know what

not religious) they do not support anything out of the traditional

religious text and me being queer goes out of the traditional

its like to have to remain anonymous; to

religion and is then automatically a sin because girl on girl or

seek shelter from your own community

man on man is a sin its considered a sin in the Quran which

behind a name that is not your own.

is our holy book. And I think thats the way with other religions

My

as well. So me being out as a queer Muslim woman would be

friend

agreed

to

this

interview

graciously but with one condition: that it

not be under her name. She is an Islamic
woman whos queer identity forces her to

months, her number was blocked off

my phone. I lost my car, I got kicked
out, like all this stuff happened. We
still dated even after all of that. We
dated for a year after that so ... a total
of two years. It was difficult. I had to
hide like sneak around almost. She
understood for the most part. It was
exhausting on both ends. We could
never spend the night at each others
house, we would always have to be
careful of where we were and who
was around us. Because obviously
my parents found out and didnt take
it well and it was kind of a sneak peek
of what it would be like if I were to
ever come out which I havent
come out to my parents yet.

How do you feel being a lesbian

compares to being a gay (cis) man
in the Islamic community?

dont say that. And then shell ask my

I dont think there is any difference

is she talking to women, like whats

actually. I think they are both shunned

going on? And then also, if she sees

How is your relationship with your

siblings? Do they know? And if so
how many know?

the same way but men in general in the

me get defensive since Im an

I have three siblings, Im the oldest

Arab-American/ Muslim

sister or my brother indirectly Hey

is (anonymous) up to anything, like

community

activist like if Im getting defensive

of four. So I have a sister and two

at least in my experience have more

about LGBTQ+ rights or trans rights

brothers. My sister is a year younger

freedom, so I feel it would be much

(On social media) she would be like,

than me and she knows and is 100%

easier for a man to either go under the

Why are you so supportive of this?

supportive. So thats really nice. And

radar or almost get away with being

And just trying to get me to talk about

my brothers are just too young really

gay. Women are the most watched

it somehow.

for me to come out to them. I feel like

and you know, have to be seen as pure

they wont care too much. They just

until they are married and maintain this

kind of do their own thing. Hes 15

reputation the whole time whereas, if

and the other one is 8. So I just really

men were to go around and do their

havent told them.

thing they wouldnt be policed as

much as women.

that I go to and for my family because Im not out with my

family because I know they would not accept me for my queer

in her experience, must remain separate.

identity.

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My phone was taken away for six

problematic for my Arab-American community, for my mosque

walk the line between two spaces which

They found out once. My mom looked

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What advice do you have for other

people who are Muslim and in very
strictly Islamic families who are
also queer?

Do you have any experiences directly

with Homophobia and Islamophobia
that youd like to recall?

What
would
you
say
about
Islamophobia in America and how that
interacts with homophobia in America?

Yes. With my parents most directly.

Islamophobia is very real in America.

Find your support group outside of

So they were, like I told you they

There is a lot of stereotypes such

you family. Find your group of friends

kicked me out, they took away all

as bombings and terrorism its

that support you. I didnt have my

of my

my means

all linked to Islam. And homophobia

support group until I got to KU and

of communication, and that has to

is also very real. And I think both of

I found Spectrum and then I found

do with my intersecting identities

them, result in hate crimes, which is

my group of best friends and now

of being queer and being Muslim.

very sad. People kill muslims just for

instead of hearing my voice shake

And then I came out to two of my

being Muslim, or for wearing a scarf.

every time I say Im queer, I say it

former best friends and they were

Like recently a woman, her scarf was

with confidence and Im happy to

both Muslim cis straight women

pulled off of her head in New York and

be an activist and Im proud of my

and they did not take it well either.

the biggest event lately which still...

queer identity. So yes. Just find your

And they told their parents and just

upsets me very much is the Orlando

support group and find your passion,

like threatened me almost to turn

Pulse shooting. So yeah, they are very

and it will be okay.

straight again or else there would

real and very alive and when people

be consequences, and theyd have to

say that Islamophobia doesnt exist

tell someone about it, and because

or that homophobia doesnt exist its

its not healthy, and because its not

just a lie because its, its there.

Can you say a bit more about what

its like to be a woman just a (cis)
woman in the Islamic community?
So in Islam we preach abstinence
abstinence only. So a woman is to
remain pure until shes married and
we dont date, so you would have
to its not an arranged marriage
really thats outdated its just
more of meet the family first and
then do everything the religious way.
So you get engaged for a while and
everything is with parent supervision
and then until you are married you are
not to be with your husband alone.
So its just a matter of maintaining a
reputation like staying pure up until
marriage. And then you are kind of
passed on from being your fathers
material to you husbands material so
there is always a man by your side
your whole life, whereas men can be
more free can go out more

can

be there own human being more than

women.

10

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you know

good with the religion so I shut

them out of my life.

12

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13

praying to their God to just make

believe we all have a lesson in this.

the time go by fast. The way that

We as individuals must be allowed

church used God to preach hate and

the freedom of finding who we are,

un-acceptance will continue to put

and part of that for some, is a higher

knots in my stomach. Through their

power. Let your neighbors have the

teachings, I found doubt.

freedom

While my exposure to that church may

without fear of your reaction. We

have given me a negative example of

have to be better than this. We have

religion, I have also had a few great

to LOVE: no matter what. Now I may

examples of what a Christian is. My

change my mind in a year in regards to

mother associates heavily as being

my religious beliefs; but I will forever

a believer. She is very devoted and

advocate for you to have whatever

shows it in many ways. One chief

belief you do. Because in the end, if

thing I believe she does better than

my believing has helped me become

anyone I know, is LOVE. She shows

a better person, or has possibly

love to anyone put in her path and I

know that cant be easy. In the Bible,
Gods highest commandment is love;
I believe she is such an excellent
example of Christianity because of
exactly that. Her love reaffirmed my
belief in God.
But in the midst of my own inner
struggle with faith, something has
always struck me as odd, Why are

to

express

themselves

gotten me through some difficult

times, my belief was worth it. Even
though I have felt pushed away and at
times even judged from others, I am
still looking for my answers. Those
answers werent at the Evangelical
Church that told me I was evil; they
also arent coming from the friends
that looked at me with pity for my
beliefs; they came from my journey.

we, as a community, not inclusive

of people with religious views as
diverse as our flag? Within the

Caleb Raynor

gay community some have insisted

that Christianity and homosexuality

his year, one of my favorite

bands released an album;

lyrics show an expression of doubt,

my parents found a new connection

cannot coexist in the same person.

and

and pose a set of questions that

with a faith that, they felt, was more

It seems they discount gay believers

anxious (the kind of anxiety

perhaps we all ask the sky at some

aligned with that of a different house

the same as some Christians have

only a sophomore album can produce).

point. This doubt, I have often dealt

of worship. While both churches

written them off because of their

In an article about the upcoming release

with, I have shaken my fist at the sky

were Christian in denomination the

sexuality. I have often felt like even

of the album the lead singer, Matty

wanting my grievances heard.

new

At

some of my friends have thought me

Healy was quoted saying something

About a year ago, I had a thought:

the new church the pastor always

less intelligent for having faith in an

to the effect of, This is the album

What happens if I do BELIEVE? I

found a way of mixing social and

entity that could possibly disagree

the world needs. And at the time

would hope a believer of any religion

political issues into his sermons

with my sexuality. They show disdain

I thought the statement was a tad

has questioned their faith; for after

from his pulpit. One of those social

on their faces when I talk about my

boastful; but after experiencing the

all, what is faith without a healthy

issues that was homosexuality, and

beliefs and at times I have found it

entire collection of work, I agree, we

dose of doubt? I personally have

it was frequently brought up. I was

incredibly hurtful. Going back to the

needed it. On the album there is a

always struggled with the identity of

taught I was perverse, I was taught

song I mentioned earlier, theres a

track called, If I Believe You. The

God and who he is and what he looks

I shouldnt be able to wed, I was

beautiful lyric thats repeated a few

song is about Mattys own dealings

like.

taught I would corrupt others by

times in succession, If Im lost,

with faith and atheism. While I

As a child, I grew up in a church

simply existing. For most of the time

then how can I find myself? While

thoroughly enjoy every track on the

that was never vocally opposed to

I spent in attendance at that church,

the

album, this song is different. The

LGBT culture. But as an adolescent,

I had to sit in uncomfortable silence,

about God showing his presence, I

14

was

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both

excited

church

was

Evangelical.

musician

is

primarily

talking

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15

neglected to study.

to change clothes. My Charlotte

call him Girthy. Im not surprised by

roommate and I start talking. We

these nicknames, a rumor has spread

In the days leading up to our departure,

get to know each other. She has a

around camp that one boy has balls

the older girls from our home town

boyfriend. Shes had him for a long

that are black. Black? Black. How did

whispered about hookups. There was

time. They havent had sex yet, but

they get that way? I dont know, but

much discussion of what a hookup

theyve done other stuff. (We are

they call him Black Balls.

entails. Like sex? Or making out?

reviewing the important points first).

What about second base? What is

Night falls and the camp begins the

The boys have pantsless meetings

second base?

next morning with a prayer session.

and sing in deep tenors while the

We are divided along gender lines

girls plan a kissing booth fundraiser

Im not pretty at this point in time.

into mock groups called chapters

and cheer chapter songs. We do

I know this. And Im shy at first,

where we learn about leadership and

sisterhood events while the men

warming up slowly, but observing

community organizing. We mainly

are all about brotherhood. There are

mostly at the start. We board the

gossip though. I feel myself warm

many secrets, and many divisions

bus and I watch the boys pick the

in the presence of an all girl room, I

between the brothers and sisters.

girls they will be spending chofesh

feel myself wanting to impress them,

The divisions cross at chofesh.

with (preferably alone). The sound of

to make them smile. They have such

flirtatious giggles and compliments

beautiful smiles.

fill the bus and I feel like Im watching

blurs in my head now. I remember

a nature show on PBS about the

Later there is more prayer, lunch, a few

silly moments with the girls in my

rituals of Jewish teens. I remember

discussion groups, then chofesh.

chapter

something I watched about praying

candy

than

the

endless

waves of Hebrew. We talk about

There is a treehouse in the middle of

God a lot though, and we pray often

females are going to bite the heads

camp. A boy and a girl climb up it. A

in a language I can read, but not

off the males.

few people disappear in pairs like in

understand. We are told about our

the Bible; two of each shoved into

Jewish Identity and how important it

Its hot and humid and as we arrive

the ark only they arent going to the

is that we preserve it. There is much

nervous laugh).

we are herded toward the gym

ark and we all know it.

to do about becoming Good Jewish

The Jewish mating ritual starts at the

director. We are told we will learn

This is how the camp goes, like

clockwork. Prayer, activities, food,

isconsin. The airport

year. I got my braces off, this was

more

mantises and suddenly worry the

Elizabeth Jayne
Wenger
shops are filled with

Most of the religious discussion

where we sit in front of the camp

Leaders. There is one conversation

bars,

neck

a Big Deal seeing as this camp is

and

some

all about who you get to kiss. Teeth

foam cheese heads in case you

are important. Ive had my first kiss

airport as we wait for the different

about leadership here, and about

forgot a present for your kid. Weve

already though during the school

planes to arrive throughout the day and

our Jewish Identity, and about the

gossip. This on the surface. Then

We were in an open-air building with

landed with a bunch of other Jewish

year with a boy who today is my best

to eventually board a bus to the camp

organization (BBYO). Then we get to

somewhere out on the periphery

screen walls and fold out chairs. A

where we will be staying for twelve

the other part, the part we are really

of the camp, behind the trees or

woman leads our discussion, and

buildings, in closets that have doors

when we finish she opens herself

pillows,

kids anxious to find out if the rumors

friend. We were dating at the time

however, that I do remember.

are true about this camp. Do people

but now, as the story sometimes

days in Mukwonago, Wisconsin. We

wondering about. The camp director

really hookup here?

goes, we are both happily gay.

walk around the airport and chat. We

says something about Jewish Babies,

that lock, the other part of camp goes

up to questions. A boy asks about

play Jewish Geography and talk to

this we know, is our duty as Jews:

on. The part weve all whispered

masturbation. The woman isnt fazed

about for months.

by the laughter that comes from the

I heard a girl had sex in the chapel.

But then, at that camp, I didnt know

each other eager to skip ahead to the

to make more Jews with Jews of the

People say during chofesh (free time)

that someday I would be this thing:

kissing part.

opposite sex. A few of us laugh as

we are allowed to let explore the other

happily gay. At this camp I am at a

Im

awkward,

dressed

in

crowd. She delivers her answer like

some

the camp director hints that they are

A boy expresses interest in me. Hes

shes just been asked whats for lunch

not cute, but neither am I.

and not why a man cant touch himself.

hormonal Jewish teens that have

stage I have come to call my Im not

mistake that passes in my mind as

lenient about boy-girl relations at the

come here from all over the country.

gay? era. I had a crush on a girl while

style. Ill spare the details of the outfit

camp, but that we must obey curfew

One guy is from Canada, hes already

my best friend and I were dating, this

but it likely involves mismatched tall

and other basic rules. We get up and

They call him the Master Debater

A man cant spill his seed outside a

because he is good at debate but I

womans body. Masturbation is the

receiving special attention from a few

is a fact only a few people were lucky

socks and ill fitting shorts. Still, Im

go to our rooms

girls. Well take whatever exotic thing

enough to get their hands on. It is

excited. People kiss here. Its a rite

My roommate is from Charlotte, one

cant help but notice how much this

wasting of seed which God gives us.

we can get.

also a fact that I myself disregarded,

of passage different from the one

of them. The other quickly leaves to

sounds like another word I know

This is also why Gay sex is technically

shoved aside under the convenient

weve all completed a few years ago

go see a friend of hers in another

A boy in his chapter tells me the boys

not allowed. It also is the spilling of

catchphrase,

Straight

in our respective synagogues when

room and doesnt come back except

have another name for him. They

seed outside a womans body.

Though (the words punctuated by a

we poorly chanted Torah portions we

Its the summer after my freshman

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Im

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Im interested in her words. Spill,

We go to Shabbat. At this point I

I feel sick to my stomach, but figure

Seed,

Sex

have earned the friendship of many

its better this way.

reduced to a verb, part of a fruit, and

because I can make people laugh.

a receptacle. I feel strange that this

This, Ive learned, is a skill that goes

We leave the same way we came,

is the purpose of seed: to be planted

far with women but only gets you

waiting in the airport for departures

inside of me and then to grow into

Girthy the Master Debater out of

this time rather than arrivals. I say

another man who will spill his seed

all the men.

goodbye to Girthy, to my roommates,

inside another woman or, to grow

Tonight we will be going to a dance

to my sisters. I get on the plane. I

into a woman who will have more

after Shabbat. Im wearing a dress

think about the girls I met, how nice

seed spilled into her. These thoughts

and Ive attempted to straighten my

they were, how beautiful.

are paired with one overwhelming

hair, but only got the top layer. We

I cry. Im not sure why.

fact: I dont have seed. Is it sin to

march from dinner to the dance hall. I

But now here I am, happily gay and

refuse the planting of seed in my

try to dance with other awkward girls

still not sure how God feels about it.

Body? If the men were given seed

in the typical fashion. Forming an

to spill, what was I given? And can

impenetrable circle, we all perform

I waste it? And if I do, does this

the same motion over and over.

disgrace God? What if two women

Sometimes we drag two fingers past

were to have sex? Then no seed is

our eyes, or move our hips in circles,

wasted, would God still frown?

or frame our faces.

Womans

Body.

There is some grinding on the dance

I dont even believe in him, but I want

floor, some of it is halted by our

to know some reason. I dont ask. Not

watchful supervisors, while some of

in front of all these people. I dont get

it is allowed.

an answer.

Girthy keeps getting close to me. Maybe

I should kiss him. One of his friends

Ive read about it since that camp, but

tells me he hasnt kissed anyone

interpretations of the Torah are like

before. Girthy is older and is a chapter

interpretations of poetry: many, filled

president. I consider this. There is a

with feeling, and likely never 100%

point system in our organization, the

right. I let it go.

higher the position someone holds

within the organization, the more

We are getting ready for Shabbat and

points they are worth if you hookup

all the girls in my cabin are out in the

with them.

hall wearing thongs and bras going

The dance ends and we go back. We

from room to room borrowing one

scatter. Girthy asks me if I want to go

article of clothing or another. Im fully

on a walk. I blush. Im thinking about

dressed trying not to look because

the thongs and about how scared

what if they notice Im looking and

I am someone may know I am gay,

what if they get mad and tell people

even though Im not even sure I am.

they think Im a lesbian. Id be a traitor

then. An enemy on their territory.

I agree to come with him.

I keep my eyes low but girls keep

coming up to me and talking to me.

We walk behind a building. We sit

Their skin is so smooth. They are all

down. We kiss. He asks if we can

so beautiful. Who knew there could

again. I pass. We walk away. Mission

be this many beautiful people in the

complete.

world. Wow. I mean, wow.

The next day people know about it.

18

THE FAGA ZINE

day, a grand jury in Collin County,

Texas, decided there wasnt enough
evidence to indict former McKinney
police

officer

Eric

Casebolt

for

slamming a black teenage girl to the

ground at a pool party. June 25th
wouldve been Tamir Rices 14th
birthday, but he a black preteen
was shot by a Cleveland police
officer
a

who

handgun

thought
from

Rice

his

pulled

waistband.

Earlier this month, 49 people died

in whats being called the deadliest
mass shooting in U.S. history, after
a gunman walked into a gay Orlando
nightclub and opened fire. And just
last week, the United Kingdom
where Hynes is from voted to leave
the European Union, sparking chants
of racism from liberals.
Freetown feels shaded by all these

MY ALBUM IS FOR EVERYONE TOLD THEYRE NOT

Pimp a Butterfly, DAngelos Black

BLACK ENOUGH, TOO BLACK, TOO QUEER, NOT

The

QUEER THE RIGHT WAY ITS A CLAPBACK,

sagging

Human Nature and Man in the

teenager and claimed self-defense.

Mirror. In a good way, Hynes is able

Keep your hood off when youre

to pull from these musicians while

walking

Sure

crafting an aesthetic thats uniquely

enough, theyre gonna take your

his. He takes on a directors role at

body.

he

times, stepping aside vocally and

speaks directly to those who look

allowing his features to shine. Hynes

like himthe overlooked and under-

mostly sings with and writes for

appreciated,

and

women, which adds another layer of

his

dignity to his art. Nelly Furtado takes

community while highlighting our

the lead on Hadron Collider and

collective grace. Chance treads

Blondie frontwoman Deborah Harry

the same ground as DAngelos The

sounds perfectly at home on E.V.P.,

Charade, using self-hurt to dissect

a rubbery funk instrumental seemingly

racial inequality. All I ever wanted

plucked from that bands discography.

was a chance for myself, Hynes

The

moans in a voice steeped in sadness.

Freetown, Sierra Leone, the countrys

warns.

Throughout

the

Freetown,

persecuted

misunderstood consoling

events, even if public outcry over

BLOOD ORANGE // FREETOWN SOUND

Pitchfork Media

album

title

pays

homage

to

Formerly

Lightspeed

father. The recording feels communal

over the last year. Hynes offers a

Champion, Hynes used to play in

despite its political themes, whether

broad view of black culture, using

punk-rock band Test Icicles before

hes

vocal clips and spoken-word poetry

moving on to create folk/pop hybrids.

dialect, or giving poet Ashlee Haze

known

as

sampling

particular

to craft a multifaceted narrative of

we all carry that, every black person

2011s Coastal GroovesHynes first

space on By Ourselves to salute

historically

people.

Black Lives Matter movement,

carries that. To live black is to live

album as Blood Orange combined

femininity. On these and other songs,

Black can get you over, black can

British

Dev

conflicted. Theres the urge to live

new wave and electro-soul, even if

the words are searing and soothing,

sit you down, says a sampled voice

Hynes released Do You See

freely and be accepted, even if the

the results just barely scratched the

almost always at the same time. My

toward the end of With Him, from

Flames?,

world at large is still uncomfortable

surface of what we hear from him

in-laws also from Freetown

Marlon Riggs 1994 documentary,

an 11-minute assessment of race

with people of color. We feel an

now. Freetown is more expansive

speak reverently of the villages and

Black is...Black Aint. On Love Ya,

and self-worth at a time of intense

than 2013s stellar Cupid Deluxe, but it

family and friends who still live there.

innate sense to protect our own kind

we hear author Ta-Nehisi Coates

struggle between blacks and law

moves quicker, packing funk and 80s

They reminisce about the beach

and hold each other close. We are

outline a very real conflict facing

enforcement. This is not from my

R&B into a coherent set. Between

and the sense of togetherness they

prisoners of perception; our culture

most minorities: figuring out what to

his nuanced baritone and creative

felt. They acknowledge the extreme

forthcoming album, Hynes asserted,

pillaged, our style and vernacular

wearand how to wear itas to not

approach, the album resembles a

poverty and the 2014 Ebola outbreak,

just some things on my mind. The

mocked and imitated, only to be told

intimidate others. How was I gonna

Saul Williams release, as something

but say its still a land of true beauty,

cover art depicted an elegant black

were not good enough to be equal.

wear my pants? he recalled. What

overtly political and complex while

holding a deep spiritual connection

shoes was I gonna wear? Who was

My

Skin

Through

the

figure his back straight, his fingers

pulling in many different genres.

you have to feel for yourself. You

clutched deep into his own flesh. The

Freetown Sound, Hynes third album

I gonna walk with to school? Most

Songs

sense

image showed strength; on the song,

as Blood Orange, arrives days after

people take these things for granted,

to You are especially nostalgic,

Freetown Sound, even if the music

Hynes unpacked the yin and yang of

Baltimore

Caesar

but as a minority, your fashion sense

employing festive soul grooves and

doesnt pull directly from the sounds

everyday life as a black person: Im

Goodson Jr., who drove the van in

can be seen as a threat. Hands Up

tropical dance. Juicy 1- 4, But

of the area.

proud of my name, Im proud of my

which 25 -year-old Freddie Gray was

references the 2012 killing of Trayvon

You, and Thank You take tonal cues

Freetown scans as a capital-B Black

dad, Im proud of my family, but its

fatally injured, was found not guilty

Martin in Florida, where George

from Michael Jackson, mimicking

record,

hitting

very strange to have to carry that

on all charges against him. That same

Zimmerman

the optimistic glow of ballads like

chords

as

20

THE FAGA ZINE

police

officer

neighborhood

those

albums,

under

the

weight

of

systemic oppression. My album is

for everyone told theyre not black
enough, too black, too queer, not
queer the right way its a clapback,
Hynes told Entertainment Weekly in a
recent interview. Freetown represents
the innermost workings of a man
wading through his own insecurities,
holding his flaws and weaknesses up
to the light for everyone to see. Hes
trying to make sense of himself, his
race and sexuality, while taking a hard
look at what this world has become.
The future isnt so hopeless, but we
wont make it if we dont forge the
path together.

African

n July 2015, at the height of the

singer/composer

Like

capital city and hometown to Hynes

racial injustice has dissipated slightly

underserved

Epic.

Freetown resonates with everyone

watch volunteershot the unarmed

Hynes

Messiah, and Kamasi Washingtons

like

Desire

and

Best

that

warmth

the

Kendrick

throughout

same

social

Lamars

To

THE FAGA ZINE

21

WORD SEARCH

ALASK A
BISE XUAL
BUTCH
CAMP
DRAG

22

THE FAGA ZINE

FAIRY
GAY
HOMO
LESBIAN
ORNACIA

POPPERS
QUEER
QUESTIONING
TRANS
YA A A A AS