As you like it By William Shakespeare Orlando - I i 79

As I remember, Adam, it was upon this fashion bequeathed me by will

but poor a thousand crowns, and, as thou sayest, charged my brother
on his blessing, to breed me well: and there begins my sadness. My
brother Jaques he keeps at school, and report speaks goldenly of his
profit: for my part, he keeps me rustically at home, or, to speak more
properly, stays me here at home unkept; for call you that keeping for a
gentleman of my birth, that differs not from the stalling of an ox? His
horses are bred better; for, besides that they are fair with their feeding,
they are taught their manage, and to that end riders dearly hired: but I,
his brother, gain nothing under him but growth, for the which his animals
on his dunghills are as much bound to him as I. Besides this nothing that
he so plentifully gives me, the something that nature gave me, his
countenance seems to take from me: he lets me feed with his hinds,
bars me the place of a brother, and, as much as in him lies, mines my
gentility with my education. This is it, Adam, that grieves me; and the
spirit of my father, which I think is within me, begins to mutiny against
this servitude. I will no longer endure it, though yet I know no wise
remedy how to avoid it.

Unbearable Hotness
by Gabriel Davis
Killing Chuck
I just fuckin killed Chuck. I think. I mean, hes just laying out there. He's
not moving. I don't think he's breathing.
I mean, there I was just up on the roof with Marissa talking, laughing,
having a great time. I tell her she reminds me of Sandra Bullock. I tell
her I loved Hope Floats. Who knew those would be the magic words?
Next thing I know her clothes are off and were loosening roof shingles
like theres no tomorrow. And then theres biting and kissing and
touching and suddenly someone starts beating on me, I mean, just
pounding on me and growling. Yeah, growling. And I look up and theres
Chuck. And Im like, Whats the problem? and he says The problem is,
dude, youre fucking my girlfriend.
So I look at Marissa and Im like Youre someones girlfriend? And she
says No. Then it comes out Chuck just wishes shes his girlfriend but
actually shes his cousin or something, so hes got these feelings of guilt
about wanting her...and then he starts crying.
So that ruined the mood. Marissa puts her clothes on, and she goes
back down through the window, back into the party. And Im left with
Chuck. Blubbering, whining, crying Chuck.
And he starts in on how hes just this total fuck up and maybe he should
just throw himself off the roof. And for a split second Im thinking YES!
Throw yourself off the roof! Do it! But I dont say that. I say I Youre
gonna get a girl, buddy, just maybe not your cousin, huh? And then I
give him a friendly pat on the back. A nice manly slap on the back. And
he looked heavy, I mean, who knew hed go flying.
Who knew hed go flying right off the roof?