10/24/2016

13ReasonsWhyPeopleHaveSex|PsychologyToday

ToddB.KashdanPh.D.
Curious?

13 Reasons Why People Have Sex

Newresearchrevealsmenandwomen'strue(andvery
different)motivations.

Like

1.4K

PostedJan22,2016

SHARE

TWEET

EMAIL

MORE

Wethinkaboutsex.Wefantasize
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/fantasi
es)aboutsex.Wespendaninordinateamountof
timeandmoneyinthepursuitofsex.Wehave
sex.WhenyouconsiderAIDS,childbirth,or
"honor"killings,oursurvivalanddeathareoften
intertwinedwithsex.Thus,itisworthwhileto
spendsometimeonwhatscientistshavelearned
aboutsexuality
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/sex).
Source:gpointstudio/Shutterstock

In1990,theeditoroftheJournalofSex
Researchwrote:
"[F]uturegenerationswillfinditincomprehensibleandperhapsunconscionablynegligent
thatsolittleeffortwasmarshaledtoobtaindataonandestablishascienceofhuman
sexualbehavior."
Butscientists,likemanyinsociety,areprudish.Thisiswhynearlyeverypsychologicalmodelofwell
beingignoresevenamentionofhumansexuality,andwhynearlyeveryrecentbookonhappiness
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/happiness)andwellbeingignoressexuality.
Humanbeingsareinfinitelycomplex.Justasthereisnouniversalreasonforeatinghotdogs(whether
tryingtowinacontestorscarfingtheminfrontofthetelevisionoutofhabit),thereisnosinglereason

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/curious/201601/13reasonswhypeoplehavesex?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign

1/7

10/24/2016

13ReasonsWhyPeopleHaveSex|PsychologyToday

acrosstime,culture,andhistorythatpeopleengageinsex.ButIwanttosharesomeinsightsfromwell
replicatedfindingsonthemotivesbehindhavingsex.
Whyisthisimportant?
Priorto2007,aglimpseofthescientificliteratureledtoameretworeasonswhypeoplehadsex
procreation(thinkMormonism(http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0705893/))andpleasure(thinkHedoRick
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVtEX1J7tXQ)).Thenin2007,CindyMestonandDavid
Busspluggedthegap.Inthefirstofmanystudies,theyaskedhundredsofpeopleaged17to52to
assistthemincreatingacomprehensivelistofthereasonswhypeopleengageinsexualintercourse.
Everyonewasgivenonequestion:
"Pleaselistallthereasonsyoucanthinkofwhyyou,orsomeoneyouhaveknown,has
engagedinsexualintercourseinthepast.
Sincethatfirstinvestigation,severalreplicationshaveledtoafinaltallyof4majorfactorsand13
subfactorsforwhywedoit:
Physicalreasons.
Underthisbroadumbrella,wefind:(1)tensionrelief(searchonYouTubeforthePeachessong'%$#
thepainaway')(2)pleasure(sometimesitispurehedonismdespitetheprudishscientistswho
downplaythebenefits
(http://toddkashdan.com/articles/Disabato%20different%20types%20of%20wellbeing%20PA.pdf))(3)
physicaldesirability(simply,wefindourpartnertobehot)and(4)experienceseeking(improving
andpracticingyoursexualskills).
Goalattainment.
Underthisbroadumbrella,wefind:(5)resources(tryingtoobtaintheobjectsofourdesires)(6)social
status(concernsaboutwhatotherpeoplethinkandourreputationseeourstudyonwhatpeoplehigh
insocialanxietygainfrommindblowingsexualescapades
(http://toddkashdan.com/articles/Kashdan%20et%20al%20Sexual%20Healing%20Archives%20Sex%20
Beh.pdf))(7)revenge(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/punishment)(thedesiretohurt
somebodywhichhasanevolutionarybasis(https://www.amazon.com/BeyondRevengeEvolution
ForgivenessInstinct/dp/078797756X/ref=as_sl_pc_ss_til?tag=curi
20&linkCode=w01&linkId=A6FDPRXICPHURSYT&creativeASIN=078797756X))and(8)utilitarian
(usingsextogainanadvantageinarelationshiporlifedomain).
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/curious/201601/13reasonswhypeoplehavesex?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign

2/7

10/24/2016

13ReasonsWhyPeopleHaveSex|PsychologyToday

Emotionalreasons.
Underthisbroadumbrella,wefind:(9)love(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/relationships)and
commitment(awaytomaintainasecure,deepattachment
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/attachment))and(10)expression(oneoftheultimateways
ofcommunicating,atleastwithone'sromanticpartner).
Insecurity.
Underthisbroadumbrella,wefind:(11)selfesteem(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/self
esteem)boost(astrategytogainamodicumofstrengthandpower)(12)duty/pressure(anythingfrom
obligationorcoercionbyanotherperson)and(13)mateguarding(doingthedeedtowardoff
poachers).
Youmightbecuriousaboutgender(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/gender)differencesinthe
reasonsbehindsexualactivity.Letmequotedirectlyfromtheauthorsabouttheirinterestingdiscoveries,
becausethedifferencesweresubstantial:
Men,significantlymorethanwomen,endorsedreasonscenteringonthephysical
appearanceandphysicaldesirabilityofapartner,suchasThepersonhadadesirable
body,Thepersonsphysicalappearanceturnedmeon,andThepersonhadan
attractiveface.Thesefindingssupporttheevolutionbasedhypothesisthatmentendtobe
moresexuallyarousedbyvisualsexualcuesthanarewomen,sincephysicalappearance
providesawealthofcuestoawomansfertilityandreproductivecapacity(Buss,1989b,
2003Symons,1979).
ARTICLE CONTINUES AFTERADVERTISEMENT

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/curious/201601/13reasonswhypeoplehavesex?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign

3/7

10/24/2016

13ReasonsWhyPeopleHaveSex|PsychologyToday

Men,significantlymorethanwomen,alsoendorsedreasonsindicatingexperienceseeking
andmereopportunity.ExamplesincludeThepersonwas'available,'Theopportunity
presenteditself,andIwantedtoincreasethenumberofpartnersIhadexperienced.
Womenexceededmeninendorsingcertainoftheemotionalmotivationsforsex,suchasI
wantedtoexpressmyloveforthepersonandIrealizedthatIwasinlove.Thesefindings
supporttheevolutionbasedtheorythatwomen,morethanmen,prefersexwithinthe
contextofanongoingcommittedrelationship,andfeelingsorexpressionsofloveprovide
signalsofthatcommitment(Buss,2003Townsend,1998).Alsosupportingthistheorywere
findingsthatsuggestsexwithoutemotionalinvolvementwasamorepowerfulmotivatorfor
menthanforwomen.Menexceededwomen,forexample,inendorsingitemsrelatedto
purephysicalpleasure,suchaswantingtoachieveanorgasm
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/orgasm),becauseitfeltgood,orsimplybecause
theywerehorny.Itisimportanttonote,however,thatmostoftheemotionalmotivations
forengaginginsexwerenotendorsedmorefrequentlybywomen(e.g.,Iwantedtofeel
connectedtothepersonIwantedtointensifymyrelationship,Idesiredemotional
closeness).Infact,theLoveandCommitmentandExpressionsubfactorsweretheonly
twoof13subfactorsthatwerenotendorsedwithsignificantlymorefrequencyamongmen
thanwomen.Thisfindingsupportsagrowingbodyofclinicalevidencesuggestingthatboth
menandwomenattimesdesireintimacyandemotionalconnectednessfromsexualactivity.
...[M]enmorethanwomenendorsedreasonsforhavingsexthatinvolvedavarietyof
utilitarianfunctions,suchastochangethetopicofconversation,togetafavorfrom
someone,ortoimprovemysexualskills.Thesefindingscontradictthestereotype
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/bias)thatwomen,morethanmen,usesexto
obtainspecialfavorsortreatment.
Anotherclusterofgenderdifferencesnotspecificallypredictedinvolvedenhancementof
socialstatus/boostingreputation,establishingbraggingrights,anddesiringtotellfriends
thattheyhadsexwithsomeonefamous.Nonetheless,thesefindingswereconsistentwith
theempiricaldatathatsuggestthatmenwhoareactuallyoreffectivelypolygynousare
grantedhighersocialstatus.
ARTICLE CONTINUES AFTERADVERTISEMENT

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/curious/201601/13reasonswhypeoplehavesex?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign

4/7

10/24/2016

13ReasonsWhyPeopleHaveSex|PsychologyToday

Thesefindingspointtoanimportantfact:Whencomparingmenandwomen,thelargestdifferencesare
foundinsexualmotivesandbehaviors.Itisworthrememberingthatmostdifferencesbetweenmenand
womenarenonexistentorsmallexceptwhenthesubjectturnstosexuality.
Sowhatcanyoudowiththisknowledge?
Home
FindaTherapist
Topics

GetHelp

Magazine

Tests

Mysuggestionisthatyouengageinabitofselfexplorationtoknowthyself.Spendamonthjournaling
aboutthemotivesbehindyoursexualproclivities,andcarefullyobserveandtalktoyourpartnersabout
theirown.Youmightlearnsomethingobviousaboutyourselfthatyounevernoticed,andyoumight
initiatesomeimportantconversationswithyourromanticpartnersabouthowyouconvergeanddiverge.
Sexisthemostunderappreciatedelementofwellbeinginthepsychology(exceptamongevolutionary
psychologists).Perhapsitistimeforscientistsandpractitionersinterestedinwellbeingtospendless
timereadingarticlesandmoretimetalkingtoferalhumanstodiscoverwhatmakesthemtick.
NOTE:Ifyouhavesometimetokillinthecar,enjoytwopodcastswithtwoamazinginterviewersonhow
anger(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/anger),guilt,sadness,narcissism
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/narcissism),andotherfeaturesofourwholepersonality
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/personality)canhelpusachievesuccesslistentothisSmart
PeoplePodcast(http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/smartpeoplepodcast/e/episode215toddkashdan
howtoachievefulfillment41096567)andTheSchoolofGreatness
(http://lewishowes.com/podcast/toddkashdan/)****
ToddB.Kashdanisapublicspeaker,psychologist,andprofessorofpsychologyandsenior
scientistattheCenterfortheAdvancementofWellBeingatGeorgeMasonUniversity
(http://wellbeing.gmu.edu/).Hisnewbook,Theupsideofyourdarkside:Whybeingyourwholeself
notjustyourgoodselfdrivessuccessandfulfillment(http://www.amazon.com/TheUpside
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/curious/201601/13reasonswhypeoplehavesex?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign

5/7

10/24/2016

13ReasonsWhyPeopleHaveSex|PsychologyToday

YourDarkSide/dp/1594631735/ref=as_li_ss_til?tag=curi
20&linkCode=w01&creativeASIN=1594631735)isavailablefromAmazon,Barnes&Noble,
Booksamillion,Powell's,orIndieBound.Ifyou'reinterestedinspeakingengagementsor
workshops,goto:toddkashdan.com.(http://toddkashdan.com/)

SHARE

(https://facebook.com/di

TWEET

EMAIL

MORE

(https://twitter.com/share (https://www.psychologyt (/)

alog/share?
?
oday.com/printmail/1084
43Comments
app_id=2205800413112 text=13%20Reasons%2 928?
Home
FindaTherapist
Topics
GetHelp
Magazine
Tests
84&display=page&href=
0Why%20People%20Ha
destination=blog/curious
Curious? (/blog/curious)
https%3A//www.psychol ve%20Sex%20%7C%20 /201601/13reasons
Discoveringandcreatingalifethatmatters.
ogytoday.com/blog/curio Psychology%20Today&u whypeoplehavesex)
us/201601/13reasons
rl=https%3A//www.psych
ToddB.Kashdan,Ph.D.,isaprofessorofpsychologyatGeorgeMasonUniversityandthe
whypeoplehave
ologytoday.com/blog/curi
authorofTheUpsideofYourDarkSide:WhyBeingYourWholeSelfNotJustYour'Good'
SelfDrivesSuccessandFulfillment.
sex&redirect_uri=https%
ous/201601/13reasons
3A//www.psychologytod
whypeoplehave
(/experts/toddbkashdanphd)
ay.com/blog/curious/201
TWITTER
sex&related=PsychToda
(https://twitter.com/toddkashdan)
601/13reasonswhy
y)(http://www.linkedin.com/nhome/?f=1289958631897)
LINKEDIN
(/experts/tod
peoplehavesex)
dbkashdan
phd)

Most Recent Posts from Curious?

10 Discoveries About Well-Being That Everyone Must Know

(/blog/
curious
/20160
8/10
discov

(/blog/curious/201608/10-discoveries-about-well-being-everyone-mustknow)
Newresearchonwhatinfluencesandisinfluencedbywellbeing

Why Does Brain Training Make You Smarter?

(/blog/curious/201606/why-does-brain-training-make-you-smarter)

eries
Scientificresearchonattemptstoimproveintelligence
(/blog/
about
curious
well
/20160
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/curious/201601/13reasonswhypeoplehavesex?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign

6/7

10/24/2016

6/why
being
everyo
does

13ReasonsWhyPeopleHaveSex|PsychologyToday

8 Fascinating Discoveries About Yawning (/blog/curious/201606/8fascinating-discoveries-about-yawning)

...includingtheinfluenceofitssound,anditsconnectiontosex.
brain
ne
(/blog/
must
trainin
curious
know)
g
See
More Posts (/blog/curious)
/20160
make
6/8
you
fascina
smarte
ting
r)
discov

eries
about
yawnin
g)

Home

FindaTherapist

Topics

GetHelp

Magazine

Tests

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/curious/201601/13reasonswhypeoplehavesex?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign

7/7