Is Divorce Beneficial for a Child?

Hope Boothe
LaWanda Castle
21 November 2016

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Is Divorce Beneficial for a Child?

Thesis: Divorce is not beneficial for the children because of the emotional, psychological, and
academic effects that divorce places on a child.
I.

Emotional complications
A. Neglect of the child
1. Parents are focused on the divorce battle rather than their child
2. Some parents feel depressed and have emotional troubles
3. Parents tend to their own problems
B. Putting the child in the middle of the divorce
1. Pinning children against the other parent
2. Parents get the child to manipulate
3. Parents try to make the child miss them
4. Parents use the child to communicate
C. Parent arguing in front of child
1. Parents fight about the divorce and child custody
2. Parents make negative comments about the other parent
3. fighting of parents causes the child to be in the middle.
D. Using the child to get what you want in court
1. Video or audio taping your child for court purposes
2. Talking openly about putting the other parent in jail or taking them back to
court

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II.

Divorce can cause psychological strains on a child.

A. Reaction of loss
1. Parents move away from each other.
2. Loss of the bond
3. Children may feel a loss of attention
B. Self esteem issues.
1. Children tend to feel rejected
2. Socioeconomic changes
C. Social issues
1. Maintaining supportive friendships and dating relationships.
2. Future divorces
3. Earlier sexual experiences
4. Fear of repeating his or her parents failure
5. Less trust in future spouse.
6. Lower socioeconomic status.

III.

Divorce can get a child out of an unhealthy environment.

A. Many Arguments
1. Constant arguing
2. Abusive homes
B. Deeply resented marriage.
1. Resentment of partner
2. Causes child to resent parent

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C. Future Risk
1. A child will still have the effects of no longer having one of the parents
2. If parents get divorced, that can cause a child to resent the parents even
more.

IV.

Academic Problems
A. Children move around.
1.

Parents separate and move out

2. Go from the mothers house to the fathers house.

B. Grades
1. More likely to perform poorly in reading, spelling, and math.
2. More likely to repeat a grade and to have higher drop-out rates and lower
rates of college graduation.

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Hope N. Boothe
LaWanda Castle
English IV honors
22 November 2016
Is Divorce Beneficial For a Child?
Every year, over 1 million children under the age of 18 are involved in a divorce.
Divorce is a consequential problem thats rates started to grow around the 1970s (Espejo).
Divorce affects all of the people involved, including the parents and the children. Roman Espejo
said, Ending a marriage relationship is not a one-time event that occurs in a courthouse; it is a
process. Children are usually stuck in the divorce, with no influence on the outcome. When in
a divorce, the parents usually focus on themselves and their feelings rather than how things will
affect their child. The effects that divorce can bring on a child have the possibility of inducing a
traumatic effect on the childs life. Divorce is not beneficial for children because of the
emotional, psychological, and academic effects that divorce places on a child.
Divorce causes emotional complications for a child, also know as emotional abuse.
Divorce Abuse is a specific type of emotional abuse committed by parents specifically
during and after their divorce. Emotional abuse is defined as acts or omissions that have
caused, or could cause, serious behavioral, cognitive and emotional disorders. Although
not as overt as physical abuse, emotional abuse is no less dangerous for children. While it
can cause severe emotional pain and hinder a childs emotional and social development,
many parents dont even know theyre committing it. (Boyan).

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One of the ways emotional abuse is exemplified is when a child is often neglected by the parents
during and after a divorce. This can occur when a parent is more focused on the divorce battle,
rather than their child. Sometimes people get divorced and become depressed which causes
them to have emotional troubles, which can also lead to the neglect of the child. Children may
become lonely and helpless. Many times after a divorce, parents feel the need to tend to their
own problems or to start their new life. They do not realize that the child has been through an
emotional battle too, and they tend to leave them behind. Unfortunately, often times in a
divorce, one parent leaves and does not come back. Other than the small amount of child
support that the court forces them to pay, they have no influence on the childs life. This can
cause the ultimate feeling of neglect (Steele). The child questions themselves as well as others
on why they were not good enough. They do not understand why that parent left and why they
are not a part of their life. When the child grows older, they may cross paths again and possibly
learn that the parent that left them has mothered or fathered another child. This, no matter what
current age they may be, causes the person to feel even worse about their situation. If a child is
neglected after a divorce, later on in their life, it can cause them problems with trusting others
and can cause their social relationships to be weaker than usual. This can also cause self esteem
problems because the child may feel like they are not good enough to be wanted. (Boyan)
In a divorce, parents have a tendency to place the child in the middle of the situations.
Parents tend to pin children against the other parent and make the child choose sides
(Foulkes-Jamison). This can cause the child to stress over the feelings of their parents. Many
parents get the child to manipulate the other parent. They tell them to lie or ask the other parent
of certain situations that they want to know. This causes the child to go through emotional stress

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because they would rather not be in the middle. Many parents try to make the child miss them
while they are with the other parent, which makes the child feel bad. The child might get
confused and feel guilty that they miss one parent while they are with the other one. Many
parents use the child to communicate between them. They use the child to discuss custody and
other things that the child should not have to pass messages through about. The child should not
have to discuss these things because it will only cause them to have more anxiety about the
relationship of their parents and it will cause them to worry about things that they should not
have to worry about (Boyan).
In many cases, parents are constantly talking about the divorce in front of the child. This
can cause them to have emotional anxiety. Emotional anxiety is distress or uneasiness of the
mind caused by fear, danger, or misfortune. Anxiety can lead to future anxiety attacks, which
can eventually lead to depression. Some parents fight about the divorce and child custody
agreements in front of the child. This causes the child to blame himself/herself for the divorce
(Espejo). This can cause emotional depression or even more stress on the child. Emotional
depression is the state of being dispirited. Some parents make negative comments about the
other parent in front of the child. This puts the child in an unfortunate and uncomfortable
position. In many cases that I have seen with the children that I have talked to and worked
with, their parents divorce is all that they can think about. They no longer focus on kid things
like playing games and having fun. Instead, they worry and stress and form a fear that is hard to
break(Chappel). It can cause the child to have to bear the enormous burdens of their parents
affairs on their shoulders. This emotional abuse can be very dangerous to a child due to their
possible inability to properly deal with their anxiety. Sometimes the fighting of parents causes

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the child to get themselves in the middle. The two people that they probably love most in the
world are fighting and they just want them to be happy. This can be preventable. If the child
continues to do this, then they may think that it is their job to get you back together and that is
too much for a child to worry about (Boyan). Espejo said, The more a child is part of the
parental conflict, the more confusion, frustration, anger, and loyalty conflicts he or she is likely
to experience.
Many parents try to use their child to get their way in court. They may take video or
audio tapes of the child for court purposes. This pins the child against the other parent and the
child does not deserve that. Children should not be involved in court because it will only cause
them more stress and pain than they have already been put through. The parents may also
constantly talk openly (in front of the child) about putting the other parent in jail or taking them
back to court. This hurts the child because that is their mom or dad that they are talking about
and they should not be pinned against the other (Weston). The child should not be involved at
all. This can also cause the child to be more stressed with increased anger turning toward
outward aggression. Parents can calm the child by having interventions. These interventions can
teach them about forgiveness which can reduce the amount of anger they have towards the parent
or parents. It can also prevent the child from having psychiatric disorders that could develop
when parents get divorced (Boyan).
Divorce has been shown to cause psychological strains on a child. Divorce can cause the
child to have a reaction of loss. In a divorce, parents move away from each other which results
in a child going from one house to another. Children tend to feel like they have lost a parent
each time they are at the other parents house. In many cases, children feel like they lost the

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bond that the former nuclear family once had. They do not feel whole anymore.
Predominantly, children may feel a loss of attention now that they only have one parent at a time
whom is also under new stresses (Foulkes-Jamison). Their whole life has been changed in the
blink of an eye and they are not able to ever change it back. By parents getting divorced, it can
harm the parent and child bond. Some parents might want the relationship to remain the same as
before the divorce, but this does not always happen. The child can remember what it was like to
have fun with both of their parents and not just one, leading to even more misery than they had
before (Weston).
Divorce can cause a child to have self esteem issues. Children tend to feel rejected
during a divorce. This is a result of parents no longer seeing the child as much or the child
blaming himself for the divorce. The child gets down on himself and thinks of himself as
insufficient. This can also happen when a child sees one of their parents dating somebody else
because the parent is giving that person a lot of their attention rather than giving it all to the child
(The Impact of Marriage and Divorce). Many children go through socioeconomic changes.
With only the income of one instead of two at each house, the childs habits can change. This
causes lifestyle changes and can cause a child to no longer have some of the luxuries they once
had. This can have an affect on the childs self esteem and self worth (Espejo).
Divorce can cause many long term social effects. Foulkes-Jamison said, Many children
will adjust to their parents' divorce, but some will continue to have significant problems into
adulthood. It can be proven that many children of divorce have had a harder life than others
because of their parents divorce. Statistically, there is a reduction in the ability to develop and
maintain supportive friendships and dating relationships. Children of divorce are more likely

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themselves to divorce as adults. Children of divorce tend to have earlier sexual experiences and
become pregnant before they are married. The children usually have a constant fear of making
the same mistakes as their parents and being incapable of having real love. They tend to have
less trust in their future spouse which can cause some of their own marital problems. All of
these statistics are on children, who in their childhood were involved in a divorce. Divorce can
affect a person throughout their whole life (Espejo).
An advantage of a divorce for a child is that it gets them out of an unhealthy
environment. Many children live in a home where there is a lot of conflict. Many people stay
together for the children, but in the midst of their marriage, they are constantly arguing. Arguing
is unhealthy for the children and the parents. This can cause a child to have depression and be
more aggressive. Rettner explained, Children who grew up in high conflict families fared better
in their adult relationships if their parents got a divorce. Some children live in a home that is
abusive, either to the child or the parents. Whether it is physical or emotional abuse, it is always
dangerous for the child. Divorce can get the child out of the abusive relationship and into
healthier conditions (Rettner).
Many children live in the home of a deeply resented marriage. Many couples are in love
at first, so they get married and have children. Then throughout time, they start to see flaws and
become annoyed. This is the start of resenting their partner. This causes the child to feel
tension. A child feels the resentment that some parents have for each other and that causes them
to resent their parents or feel like they are the cause of the resentment. If the couples went
through with a divorce, both sides would be happier. Without the constant tension in the room,

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situations will be less strained. It will also affect the child in a good way because now they are
in a happy environment with no secret hate between their parents (Rettner).
Even though you may be getting a child out of an unhealthy environment with divorce,
you are still putting their future at risk. A child will still have the effects of no longer having one
of the parents around all of the time. It may have been unhealthy, but it was all they knew so it
will still be a large lifestyle change that will take some getting used to. If the parents do get
divorced, that can cause a child to resent the parents even more. If you are in a marriage of
resentment and the child blames himself, then if you get a divorce than the child can blame
himself for the resentment that caused the divorce. The child will still go through the emotional,
psychological and academic effects of divorce that could possibly affect them the rest of their
lives (Foulkes-Jamison).
Divorce can cause academic problems for a child. When a child is going through the
process of divorce, they tend to geographically move around. Their parents move out of the
same house and go purchase their own. Depending on the custody agreement of the parents, the
child in some situations has to go from house to house. Many move out of the child's school
district, so now the child has to go through a change of schools. Also, parents do not usually
plan where they live around the other parent, so the child could possibly live in two different
school districts which could cause a long drive to school everyday, which could sacrifice the
child and parents sleep. Going from the mothers house to the fathers house causes chaos,
confusion, and disorder which makes it more likely for a child to forget their school supplies or
homework at the other parents house. With all of this disarray going on, it can be hard for a
child to focus on school and their work, which can affect the grades of the child (Weston).

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The grades of children of divorce tend to be low. Fagan in Effects of Divorce On

America said, Children of divorced parents perform more poorly in reading, spelling, and
math. They also are more likely to repeat a grade and to have higher drop-out rates and lower
rates of college graduation. Children of divorced parents are also more likely to be in lower
level classes (Weston). The high school dropout rate of children of divorced parents is roughly
two times higher than that of children of which the parents did not divorce. It is a noticeable
trend that when divorce occurs, children have a lot on their mind. They tend to give up and
focus on the problems at hand instead of the important schoolwork that they have (Steele).
Divorce can be the cause of a chaotic time in the childs life and it can be hard to get them back
on task and to their everyday life (Baucom).
Throughout the years, children have been widely affected by divorce. Although it may
have some perks, the flaws outweigh them. Fagan says, National survey data repeatedly and
consistently show that the highest levels of positive outcomes are in those families where the
parents have always belonged to each other and to their children: the intact married family (The
Impact of Marriage and Divorce on Children). The child may be affected for the rest of their
life, because of this decision that their parents make. It can cause emotional abuse to the child,
the self esteem to lower, and grades to drop dramatically. Divorce arguably affects the child as
much or more than it affects the parents. From their perspective, they go through stages of fear,
depression, anger, and sadness. It is essential for parents to be aware of the feelings of their
child. They should be one of the first things that is thought of when contemplating the topic of
divorce. Parents should always be aware of the childs state of mind as well as make sure they
are emotionally, psychologically, and academically taken care of. It is the parents prerogative

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to make decisions based on their children and if the child is not emotionally sound enough for a
divorce, the parent should base their decision off of the severity of the situation.

Works Cited
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Divorce, 2013. Web. 10 May 2016.
<http://www.children-and-divorce.com/children-divorce-statistics.html>
Boyan, Susan, and Ann Marie. "What Is Abuse?" Finding Your Way: What Happens When
You Tell about Abuse Finding Your Way: What Happens When You Tell about
Abuse (n.d.): 1-10. What Is Divorce Abuse? The Cooperative Parenting Institute,
2011.Web. 4 Mar. 2016.
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Chappel, BJ Personal Interview, 10 November 2016
Espejo, Roman. Divorce and Children. N.p.: North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service, n.d.
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Fagan, Patrick. "The Effects of Divorce on America." The Heritage Foundation. The Heritage
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Fagan, Patrick F. "The Impact of Marriage and Divorce on Children." The Heritage Foundation.

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<http://www.heritage.org/research/testimony/the-impact-of-marriage-and-divorce-on-chil
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Steele, Fiona, WENDY SIGLE-RUSHTON, and YSTEIN KRAVDAL. "Consequences of
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Disruption on Childrens Educational Outcomes in Norway." Demography. Population
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<https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2831341/>
Weston, F. "Effects Of Divorce Or Parental Separation On Children...Second Article In A
Series." British Journal Of School Nursing 4.5 (2009): 237-243 7p. CINAHL with
Full Text. Web. 25 Feb. 2016.
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