Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
WP1
An observation or
questions I received
from De Piero or
classmate
Changes I made!
Exigence is the
circumstance or
condition that invites
a response.
Since my paper is
based on Domestic
Violence i think it was
important to define
Exigence! Reading
these cases invites
the sad response.
When reading
domestic violence
cases, the case will
grab more attention if
the victim and her
perpetrator are well
known.
Instead of using
Bunns quote to finish
my introductory
paragraph, I inserted
a thesis statement
This is interesting
stuff here, Santiago,
but -- as a reader -- I
feel like you're
jumping around a bit
too much. Use your
topic sentence to
give your reader a
preview of what's
coming up in the
paragraph.
This paragraph is
going to be about
domestic
disturbances
occurring in the NFL.
For example,
according to Ryan
Phillips's article, the
NFL does not handle
domestic violence
cases properly.
According to police
documents, Brown's
wife Molly accused
him of being physical
with her more than
20 times in the year
2015. The Giants
then gave Brown a 2
year, $4 million deal
in April, before his
suspension.
Instead of writing
about the incident i
shortened it. I also
didn't include the
coach because this is
about Josh Brown,
and his wife.
Celebrity domestic
disputes have a lot of
textual literacy.
Police reports such
as- what the problem
is, where did the
crime happen, what
Here is another
Domestic Violence
written in Huffington
Post, this article is
titled This Is How A
Domestic Violence
Victim Falls Through
I realized that in my
initial WP1, I had a
lot of information that
didn't really fit into
the assignment or the
argument. So i
deleted that
argument?
paragraph and
continued on with
my next case, which i
trimmed up the
paragraph and tried
to leave out the
unimportant parts.
Jacquelyn Campbell(
the country's leading
expert on domestic
homicide) testifies
that Arkansas did not
use the screening
tool that she has
created. This screen
tool consists of a
series of questions
that a victim of
violence should be
asked, based on their
answer you can then
determine if they are
in serious danger and
how it can be
prevented. If Laura
were to have taken
the screening test it
would have proved
that she was in
extreme danger. Now
several states have
screening test for
their victims.
I decided to delete
the whole getting
beat with a baseball
thing.That paragraph
wasnt needed so I
put the paragraph
about the screening
tool in its polace.
. 48 hours later
Laura was found
dead in her
apartment with a
gunshot wound to
the head and her 4
month old baby still
in her arms. Laura's
plead for protection
was completely
I decided to compare
and contrast the two
victims and how
regardless of their
reputation, justice
was not met.
ignored in Arkansas,
Laura's mother Ms.
Ponce is devastated.
Ms.Ponce told the
Sheriff of Berryville
what Victor is
capable of she even
gave him the history
of his past
aggression towards
her daughter, but
Victor didn't serve
much jail time.
female victim.
Perhaps if Laura
Aceves was famous,
her death would be
made more
worldwide, maybe
she would still be
alive today. In Ryan
Phillips's article about
Josh Brown, he
included details
about the NFL player.
Ryan mentions that
Brown is a kicker for
the New York Giants,
he also mentions the
$4 million dollar deal
that Brown was
offered. In this case
his wife Molly wasn't
really provided with
much information.
The only information
about Molly that we
know are her
accusations. Despite
being the wife of a
famous football
player, she did NOT
get the justice she
deserved.
An observation or
questions I received
from De Piero or
classmate
Changes i made!
Whether it be,
beneficial to our
health or for religious
purposes.
This is an incomplete
sentence,
Santiagoit lacks a
subject/noun (who or
what the sentence is
about) and a
verb/predicate that,
together, form a
complete thought. I
strongly recommend
that you check out
this resource:
http://writingcenter.un
c.edu/handouts/sente
nce-patterns/.
Incomplete
sentences generally
arent valued in
academic writing,
although theyre still
common in creative
writing,
magzine/op-eds,
advertisements/sloga
ns, etc. Basically, you
need a 2nd part to
this "Whether it be X
or Y, Z
...." What's
that Z? (PS: It could
be the first sentence
of your paper.)
Whether it be,
beneficial to our
health or for religious
purposes or to simply
try out new foods.
Aamodt is a
neuroscientist
compared to
Rodriguez who is a
nutritionist. Both
Aamodt and
Rodriguez aims to
persuade their
readers by using
textual evidence such
I introduced both
authors ahead of
time which can give
my readers more
background
information of who i
am writing about.
of that. Is it worth
clearing this up early
on and telling me
"Aamodt is a
religious scholar..."
etc.?
-Also, I'd like a little
bit more direction in
your thesis: what
KIND OF evidence,
WHICH conventions,
and WHAT rhetorical
devices? Give me a
little bit more of a
preview of what I can
expect to come up
later on in your
paper.
Both of these pieces
have a similar topic,
but the argument
presented between
the two definitely
have its own
purpose. How can we
determine whether
both of these articles
construct different
arguments? One
prime example can
be the use of their
moves
as referencing
experiments or
everyday facts we
already know,
conventions, or
rhetorical devices as
persuasion. With that
being said, Diets do
not effectively work.
(Bitzer 306).
Understanding the
different moves and
rhetorical messages
in each of these that
each author used is
very important when
comparing and
contrasting these
articles.
jumping around it
looks like -- you just
told me you were
going to inform me
about how/why the
writers' purposes
were different.
I am not jumping
around anymore, its
clear that im talking
about moves.
Aamodt starts off her Is this all 1 sentence? Aamodt starts off her