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F R E E

DECE M B E R 2016

T A N D U A Y
C A L E N D A R
2

#fhmEllen

T hE hOL Iday
L IS T OF T hINg S
y OU w IL L wa N T
T hE NO T-SO SE cRE T gROUp OF
chIL I E aT E RS
T hE ULT Im aT E
T O y k INg S

P150

18+ CONTENTS ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR MINORS

ISSUES
2 BEFORE
200

NO ONE
EL SE BU T

ELLEN

December 2016

CONTENTS

F E AT U R E S

COVE R
STORY

E LLE N
ADAR N A
She won't let anything get
in the way of her sexiest
FHM cover yet

32 H O W T O W I N
HER HEART
The advice you need
but never asked
66 O U T O F T H E
KANGKUNGAN
Tim Cone on his Gin
Kings, the triangle
offense, and the Big J
70 T OY
COLLECTOR S
RULE!
Their shelves of toys
will give you serious
envy issues
74 THE GROWN-UP
GIFT GUIDE
What you want, but are
too cheap to buy
82 T H E M O D E R N
G I R L S QUAD
You'll love every one
of them

PHOTOGRAPHY: MARK NICDAO

1 02 H O T O N
YO U R T O N G U E
Usapang maanghang
with Chilliheads
Philippines

December 2016

CONTENTS
GENT

14 C H R I S T M A S
24/7
What if the holidays
happened every day?

38 E R I C TA I
The dancing Tongan
knows something
about women

16 A R T F O R T H E
UNINFORMED
Our tutorial will give
you some "culture"

4 0 FEMME FATALE
Our latest gal gets
over a broken heart...
with a stranger

1 8 EVICTION IS
COMING
The boys of Cabin
Fever are moving out

FITS

PULSE

2 0 ROGUE ONE: A
STARWARS STORY
A film snob, a geek,
and a movie buff
weigh in
22 PASSING ON
H AT E R S BAC K
OFF?
We understand
22 H OLI DAY LIT
Harry Potter and Elon
Musk books for the
holidays!
24 S E LF LOVE
Th Aegle Spa can give
you a detox to end
this nasty year
2 6 SERIOUS
BUSINESS
Gee Canlas is more
than a comedienne

94 Z O D I A C
STYLE
You gotta dress the
part that the stars laid
out for you

BOOST

106 TH E D R U G S
YO U N E E D
Lay off the chemicals;
life is a better high
108 TH E VW G OLF
There has to be
a reason why it's
Europe's all-rounder
112 HA P PY
H O L I D AY S ?
Nope, says our Jose
Mari Chan-hating
Grinch

PHOTOGRAPHY: MARK JESALVA, PAOLO PINEDA, DAIRY DARILAG; ILLUSTRATION: WARREN ESPEJO & JL PATULAN

VERGE

FROM THE EDITOR

I would like to live in a hippie


commune with Ellen Adarna.
In the words of LSD trippers, we'd turn on, tune in, drop out. It
would be a place far away from the decadence of society, where calm
sea and primeval forest come together in unspoilt splendor. Wed build
houses made of brush and deadwood. Wed grow our own food. Wed care
for animals, let them run wild. We'd open the doors of our minds. Wed
practice free love. Wed be naked.
I imagine it would look something like how premiere photographer
Mark Nicdao saw the vision of Ellen in the more than 20 pages of her third
FHM cover appearance.
Who am I kidding?
Ellen looks good naked. I dont. Im horrible. Malformed. You dont want
to see me naked. I wouldnt want to see me naked.
But you will Ellen.
And she is naked for this shoot. Entirely naked.
You know, often the most misunderstood people are the most free. That
says a lot about Ellen. She has been judged quite strongly for what she
does, which many think is what she is. But we don't know that. Only she
does.
What Ellen has shown here is that she has gone way past the
judgments of other people; she is now empowered to do as she pleases.
Certainly in this cover she is very comfortable in her own sexuality, and
she wants to show it.
Ellen has found it in her to be free. Dont you wish you could do the
same?
I mean, not be naked, because youre probably as hideous as I am, but
just be free.
Then again if youre not, go right ahead, get naked.
Happy Holidays with no clothes on.

What FHMers
have been up to
this month

A couple of photos to serve


as proof of how tirelessly the
FHM team and Ellen worked
during our cover shoot over at
the Zambawood beach house.
Rain or shine, work 3x

ALLAN P. HERNANDEZ
Acting Editor in Chief
allan.hernandez@summitmedia.com.ph

I S B R O U G H T T O Y O U B Y. . .
Acting Editor in Chief Allan P. Hernandez
Team Art Director Paul C. Villariba
Associate Art Director John Laurence O. Patulan
Assistant Managing Editor Pong M. Castillo
Associate Style Editor Mikey Ashlie L. Mahinay
Editorial Assistant Chise A. Alcantara
Contributing Editor Cecile J. Baltasar
Celebrity Coordinator Allan Altera
A N D F U T U R E - P R O O F E D B Y. . .
Web Editor in Chief Anton D. Umali
Staff Writers John Paulo Aguilera, Mary Rose A. Hogaza,
Khatrina Bonagua
Video Production Specialist Eve Baswel
Team Editor Allan A. Madrilejos
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM...
Words Lex Celera, Ann Mari Ronqullo, Maan DAsis Pamaran, John
Paulo Aguilera, Winston Baltasar, Juju Baluyot Illustrations James
Andres, Melvin Calingo, Warren Espejo, Borg Sibanan Pictures Eve
Baswel, Paolo Pineda, Dairy Darilag, Kevin Cayuca, Mark Nicdao, Ria
Regino, Mark Jesalva, Kurt Alvarez Styling/Makeup/Hair Debra
Bernales, Genie Ranada-Babista, Danae Danipon, Badj Genato,
Janina Dizon, Anne Castao, Vanessa Estor-Salvador, Mickey See,
Emmanuel Hernandez Ii, RJ Dela Cruz, Iwa Ajinomoto, Mara Ashida

10 FH M DECEMBER 2016

F H M I N T E R N AT I O N A L
N ETWOR k
International Director Simon Greves
International Digital Director
Gary Broughton International General
Manager Mark Beard International
Digital Manager Graham Kirk
International Content Executive
Ryan Chambers International Digital
& Content Executive Erin Viljoen
International Technical Administrator
John Goodchild International Editors
(Australia) Guy Mosel, (China) Jacky
Jin, (Czech Republic) Dalibor Demel,
(France) Laurent Giraud, (Germany) Hans
Fuchs, (Holland) Sander Kersten, (India)
Kabeer Sharma, (Indonesia) Richard
Sam Bera, (Latvia) Sandris Metuzals,
(Malaysia) Rajesh Taluar, (Norway) Martin
Thronsen, (Philippines) Allan Madrilejos,
(Romania) Paul Breazu, (Russia) Slava
Rovner, (Singapore) David Fuhrmann
Lim, (Slovenia) Uros Majcenovic, (Spain)
Rafael Benitez, (Taiwan) Saffron Lee,
(Thailand) Jakaphatchara Buranabutr,
(Turkey) Berk Iybar
SUMMIT MEDIA
President Lisa Gokongwei-Cheng
Publisher Edna T. Belleza
VP for Operations Hansel dela Cruz
Junior Associate Publisher
Aeus Kevin Reyes Deputy Group Digital
Publisher Amina Rillo Web Business
Operations Manager Dennison Ko
Web Programmer Christopher Porto
Production Director Elizabeth Rellis
Production Coordinator Arnel Laigo
Production Graphic Artist Louis Arenas
Administrative Services Manager

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Whilma M. Lopez Admin Assistants


Michiel Lumabi, Marlyn Miguel
ADVERTISING
Group Advertising Director Florence
Bienvenido Adv. Director-key Accounts
Group Regie Uy Adv. Manger Maiza
G. Mueco key Account Specialists
Joey Anciano, Junn de las Alas, George
Canseco III Senior Account Manager
(Print) Bem Caharian, JJ Dinglasan
Senior Account Manager (Digital)
Lucas Reyes Junior Account Managers
(Print) Melinda Kitane-San Diego, Junior
Account Managers (Digital) Onnie Del
Mundo, Dianne Suegay, Angela Lagahid,
Adv. Executive Assistant
Rita Barbacena key Accounts Assistants
Maricel Adaniel, Chinggay M. Cabit
Adv. Assistants Lorena Santiago
Adv. Traffic Supervisors Eliziel del Rio
E V E N T S D E PA R T M E N T
Associate Marketing Director Arlo
Vicencio Assistant Marketing Manager
Rica Lozada Senior Marketing
Associate Jed Constantino Junior
Marketing Associates Rachelle Castillo,
Jennifer Dayo, Kevin Palma, Charmie
Abarquez, Kay Calleja
M E D I A R E L AT I O N S
Media Relations Manager Grace
Enriquez Media Relations Associate
Jensine Bolinao, Via Gonzales
TRADE MARkETING
Trade Marketing Officer Jamie Islo Trade
Marketing Associates Hannah Roque
Trade Marketing Assistants Joylyn
Guinto, Raven Dorado
C R E AT I V E S O L U T I O N S
Managing Editor Marco Sumayao

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Assistant Managing Editor Franch


Bustamante Editorial Assistant
Therese Sta. Maria Art Directors
Jerome de Dios, Rey Etable, Juan Carlo
Maala, Teddy Garcia Producer Miggy
Cordero
C I R C U L AT I O N
Deputy National Circulation Manager
Glenda Gil Circulation Manager-GMA
Noreen Sescon-Peligro Asst. Manager
For Print And Online Distribution Ulyssis
Javier key Accounts Group Head Vivian
Manahan, Charlotte Barlis Subscription
Group Head Carla Soriano key Accounts
Specialists Jennifer Tolentino, Alfredo
Toledo Jr., Harold William Rey, Rejie
Paquibot, Marjorie Yu Newsstand
Supervisor Joel Valdez Distributor
Specialists Kim Sarmiento, Roberto
Revilla, Elaine Einosas, Eric Ferdinand
Gasatan, Bee Datinguinoo, Aeron
Nolasco Junior Sales Representatives
John Lakhi Celso, May Ann Ayuste,
Brylle Gonzales, Melrose Tamboong,
Julie Dunn Bantan Sales Coordinator
Jennyfer Marcelo Online Distribution
Assistant Mark Jocell Manio Subscription
Coordinators Nathaniel Embiado,
Ariel Rivera, Ma. Glenda Uchi, Annalyn
Arambulo Subscription Telemarketer
Jon Maynard Ortiz Circulation Admin
Supervisor Marie Lenn Reyes Circulation
Admin Assistants Elnie Marie Delos
Santos, Lizel Tumali
LOG I STICS
Logistics Manager Norman Campo
Logistics Officer Lorie Francisco
Logistics Supervisors Fidel Mitra, Marx
Barroga

www.fhm.com.ph

December 2016

rEaCtIons

Courts apart

I was never much of a basketball fan but


ever since I caught a glimpse of Rizza Diaz
on TV during a game my brothers were
watching, I was hooked. I have a massive
crush on her and even though my interest
in basketball is next to non-existent, I could
probably just listen to her talk all day long.
Congrats on your awesome cover, Rizza!
Jason Lopez, via Facebook

LEss Is MorE

I just watched FHM s behind the scenes


video and I must say that Im quite
impressed. This is the first cover with two
girls since the new format and while they
arent baring too much skin, the two girls
just ooze with so much sex appeal.
meiamaaroneismabriones, via
Instagram

/fhm.ph

12 FH M

DECEMBER 2016

tHE Bak aL gyM Is wHErE


Its at!

I really agree with your article about bakal


gyms, mas okay talagang magbuhat sa
mga ganun. The people are a lot humbler
and have proper etiquette when using the
equipment. I mean, saan ka ba makakakita
ng natutulog sa machine para magpahinga?
I also hate it when people flex in front of the
mirror and grunt like theyre lifting ten times
their body weight. Bakal gyms are the best
if you can get used to the body odor, that is,
ha ha! Peace!
John Carlo gaylican Ifurung, via
Facebook

@fhmphilofficial

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HEy you Found our


EastEr Egg !

Whats going on, FHM ? Someones not


paying attention to his/her work! Now
youve ruined my collection!
anson Chua tiong, via email
ErratuM
Sorry about that, bro.
We just loved our issue
195 so much that we
decided to publish it
twice! Just kidding. But
heres the bright side,
you reminded us of two
important things: our art
director needs to get
his eyes checked due to
his excessive Pokmon
GO playing (until now);
and second, our 200th issue is coming up
soon so you guys better be ready for something
awesome.

fhm@summitmedia
.com.ph

fhmphilofficial

6f & 7f Robinsons
cybeRgate centeR
toWeR 3 pioneeR
complex, pioneeR st.,
mandaluyong city
1550

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V
Verge
HOW TO SOU N D

R EAL SMART
Edited by CHISE ALCANTARA
chise.alcantara@summitmedia.com.ph

We Filipinos love the holidays


so much that We spend halF
the year preparing For it and
then the rest oF the year
celebrating it. that makes you
Wonder What Would happen

If every day were


a holiday?

Words:
CHISE ALCANTARA
photography:
EVE BASWEL
illustrations:
JAMES ANDRES

B e a t the syste m

casual thrifty people would think of


obvious things such as year-long
sales if christmas happened every
day. but the true centavo-strangling
scrooges will find any crack in
the system just to hold on to their
money. loads of companies have
promos for free shipping during
the holiday season. but when
you shop, you might not notice
the absurd amount they charge
(reaching thousands of pesos) for
bulky products. What better time
to be thinking of how to beat the
system than the season of giving?

He a rt a tta ck s a ll
a round

a hundred grams of lechon


equates to 375 calories and
70mg cholesterol (according to
myfitnesspal.com). but lets be real:
who eats just a hundred grams of
lechon? and when you add carbs
like pancit and kakainin, that's at
least 4000 calories. it isnt rare
for Filipinos who eat a lot during
the holidays to use, minsan lang
naman as an excuse but when
your answer to, gaano kadalas
ang minsan? is, all day, every day,
thats when things get a bit sketchy.

Holida y pa y r a te s
e ve ry da y?

according to the labor code


of the philippines, employees
working over the holidays must be
additionally paid at least 30 percent
of their wage. so essentially,
youll be earning more every day
without doing more work. that is
awesome until you realize that
small companies probably wont
be able to afford to have that many
people on their payroll. laying off
employees will become the norm,
then. may the odds be ever in your
favor.

You ca nt e sc a pe
pe ople

hordes of people travel during


the holidays. according to
reports by the national statistical
coordination board, the philippines
welcomed a record-breaking
5,360,682 visitors in 2015. about
550,000 of those came over during
december. now imagine hosting
that many people every month.
booked hotels, loaded restaurants,
naia bursting at the seams. and
if you hate the traffic now, imagine
going through that every single
dayoh wait, we already do.

Verge
conte m porAry photog rAphy
Its easy to see why some photos
Filipino aesthetic.
are beautiful when the subjects
This, to meshows how
are flowers or the night sky. But
creative Filipinos are despite [a]
what if its as mundane as a
shortage of (quality) materials,
random rock? Unless youre an art
explains Marasigan. Yero, wood,
old tires, plastic, etc., are used as
critic or SpongeBob Squarepants'
anything. It also speaks of our city
best friend, Patrick Star, you
as unfinished.
would probably never find a rock
Time to snap photos of some
interesting.
garden pebbles and put together a
Photographer Czar Kristoff,
bato profile to impress some cute
however, lives to take photos of
artsy girls.
these and call them makeshift

EXPLAI N E R

All about the


aesthetic
What are all the cool kids looking
at? Find out hoW to appreciate art in
all its Forms
WORDS: LEX CELERA

Thank the Internet that you can air out everything you got to
the rest of the world. Or maybe not. In this day of feed goals
and #ahrth includedthere are just some...things that
make you cock your head at a 45-degree angle, squint your
eyes, scratch your head, and go, What the hell is that?
They are hung on the walls of the hippest galleries in town
for all the cool kids to ogle. Take our hand and lets try to find
out what makes these creations so captivating.

Shock Art
Martin de Mesas art
explores experimental
performance art like
Japanese Butoh, a form
of Japanese dance
theater. (Imagine grown
men painted in white
convulsing onstage
looking constipated. On
second thought, dont.)
[This art form]
unsettles ones
16 FH M

DECEMBER 2016

definition of normal,
Alfred Marasigan, visual
artist and educator
explains. For the work
of Jeona Zoleta, an
emerging post-feminist
painter, most of the
confusion is directed
at girlhood which is a
time when females are
under pressure to both
conform and stand out.

Martin de Mesas work


can count as shock art if
people are too closeminded about gender.
Its really out there
to mess with your
head. Audiences may
unknowingly participate
in the artwork. I think
whats more shocking is
that it coexists with daily
life, shares Marasigan.

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VAp orwAVe
If the Internet had the
power to make an
art form, it would be
vaporwave.
The core of
vaporwave is vaporwave
music; the art goes
hand-in-hand with the
music for the complete
vaporwave experience,
shares Aaron Silao, artist
of the local vaporwave
collective Virtual
Barangay.
It is a counterculture of the current
design trend of the clean
and minimalistic. Iconic
vaporwave artsuch
as the Floral Shoppe
album cover and Saint
Pepsis Enjoy Yourself
video featuring the Mac
Tonight moon manis
dependent on the music
they accompany. What
makes vaporwave art
special is that you
cannot describe it
(although there are
the usual elements of
Japanese text, italic
Times New Roman, or
electronics from the 90s
or older). But if you want
to condense the look
of it into just one word,
aesthetic would come
pretty close, apparently.
Aesthetic is the
beauty the online
community sees in the
fringes of the WorldWide
Web, says Silao.
Did any of that make
sense? The Internet is
weird.
clockWise From top leFt
Artifact from a Sidewalk
Excavation, Czar Kristoff;
Barracks Detail 2 and 3, Czar
Kristoff; Vaporwave artworks,
Aaron Silao; Screenshot of
Class Picture, Tito and Tita,
Shock art of Butoh

V i d e o A r t / e x p e r i m e n tA l f i l m
Local artist collective Tito & Tita
point of view thats willing to see
are responsible for experimental
what you know as art, as Marasigan
films like Class Picture, which was
points out. As long as anyone is
first shot in 16mm, the negatives
open to questioning the way they
projected on a screen, then
see the world, they can be rewarded
recorded with an HD camera.
by confusing yet insightful art, he
Sometimes films are even
shares.
installations or performances.
Yeah, questions like, Where do
There are layers upon layers to
people come up with this stuff?
be unpeeled. All it takes, then, is a
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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 17

Verge

FH M
COM ICS

Cabin fever
The boys had a good run...

#10

sTory and arT: MeLVIn CaLIngo

Cheers for fears

18 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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FEEL THE CHILL,


FEEL THE THRILL!

PREMIERE
ULTRA THIN

Ultra thin condoms for a


more sensitive feel.

Enhance the thrill.


Try the new
EZ Cooling Jelly

P
Pulse
YO U R G U I D E tO
EVERYtHING
tRENDING
Edited by PONG M. CASTILLO
pong.castillo@summitmedia.com.ph

USE tH E
FORCE

Is
this
the film
you are
looking for?
An AnAlysis of RoguE onE: A
stAR WARs stoRy thRough thE lEns of A

WoRDs: Ash MAhinAy

20 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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FrequeNT MOvIe
wATCher

SIMPLe MAN

FILM SNOb

SerIeS Geek

Gareth Edwards
directed it, hes got
style!

Its secretly based off


Dark Forces! Dark
Forces!!

Its like the Star Wars


equivalent of Marvels
Guardians of the
Galaxy!

Its a one-off aka di bitin


ang ending

Gareths claim to fame was his


basically one-man army project
Monsters, which was a fresh
take on themonster genre. You
probably havent seen that, just
like how you did not see the big
lizard for half the film in his 2014
reboot of Godzilla. Aside from
style moves like that, Edwards
likes to give his stories that
intimate, gritty vibe that you also
wont see much of in a gigantic
space opera like Star Wars.

The Expanded Universe or EU


was the collection of Star Wars
books, games, animations, etc.
that were mostly canon or
legitimate happenings in the
franchise. Disney declared
the entire EU as non-canon
alongside the announcement
of Episode VII, but Rogue
Ones heroine Jyn Orso
sounds suspiciously like 1995
PlayStation game Dark Forces
Jan Ors. And they both revolved
around stealing Death Star plans.
And had the presence of blackclad Dark Troopers. And both
Jyn and Jan are part of a ragtag
mercenary bunch. Basically, its
the first time were getting a big
movie based off the EU content
rather than the main plot even if
the mouse wont admit it.

Just like how those kooky


Guardians are related but not
present in the big picture of the
MCU, the events of Rogue One
are important but unseen. While
seeing Rogues Donnie Yen
kung fu stormtroopers alongside
Rey might not be as weird
as Rocket Raccoon machine
gunning goons from Captain
Americas shoulder, spin-offs
are usually there to introduce a
safe space for a unique cast that
shakes up the established hero
types of the main series.

Rogue One is part of a series


of Star Wars Stories but it
doesnt mean the other stories
are sequels or prequels or
even sidequels to it. It will
have a beginning and an end
(spoiler: Bothan spies did it)
that actually has closure rather
than a staring contest on top
of an island that leaves more
questions than answers. A
simple man can enjoy the film
he watched instead of furiously
theorycrafting what happened
on the internet afterwards.

ROGUE
ONE: A
STAR WARS
STORY IS
OUT ON
DECEMBER
15

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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 21

Pulse
R EAL TV

Binge or
cringe?
NEtflix oRigiNal
HatERs BaCk off May
oR May Not BE youR
NExt guilty plEasuRE

B RAI N
FOOD

Here I Am
By Jonathan
Safran Foer
Foer extracts
human interest
and emotions
out of compelling
backgrounds;
in this instance,
the turmoil in
the Middle East.
In this multigenerational
family saga,
the narrative
is gimmicky
but digestible,
though doused in
melancholy.
22 FH M DECEMBER 2016

with a full plot.


Ballinger has been satirizing Internet
fame seekers for years through Miranda,
and one can spot the irony in an instant.
Hers is a brand of physical facial comedy
similar to Maine Mendozas Yaya Dub. These
exaggerated expressions coupled with the
purposely bizarre approach to makeup (lipstick
on her teech) do to your eyes what nails on a
chalkboard do to your ears.
Mirandas YouTube fans have always gotten
the point: there are people so high on their own
delusions they fail to see their lack of talent. The
allure of YouTube fame and its accompanying
perksanywhere from sponsorships to street
credcan haunt those who pine for recognition.
Contrived plot elements aside, the series does
portray the struggle though ineloquently. The

Catch up on a good read

Welcome To
Night Vale by
Joseph Fink
and Jeffrey
Cranor
The strange
town of Night
Vale attracts
ghosts, aliens,
and all sorts of
conspiracies.
Uncover the
mysteries that
riddle Jackie and
Diane as they
find out more
about the town
and its residents.

When Breath
Becomes Air by
Paul Kalanithi
Drown your
Kalanithis
posthumous
memoir in one
of this years
hard-hitters.
What could be
more tragic than
a doctor with a
terminal illness?
Kalanithi lived
a short, full life;
this inspirational
bio should
be required
literature.

Harry Potter
and the Cursed
Child by John
Tiffany and
Jack Thorne
Fans were not
left hanging as
the Potter magic
lives on to follow
the adventures
of Harrys
descendants.
Theres much to
be explored in
the mythology
of Harry Potter
while downing a
glass of pretend
butterbeer.

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inorganic way to go viral is one of despair, as


depicted in Miranda and her uncles misguided
thirst for fame.
Outside the YouTube-verse, Mirandas
behavior is akin to children coming onto
noontime variety shows to display their talent.
Even if these kids do so in earnest, we can
often spot an Uncle Boy clapping, enabling,
and pushing.
Miranda annoys the audience in driving
the point home. TV viewers don't like that. We
like rooting for heroes, even if they turn out
to be ruthless drug dealers like Walter White.
An audience couldn't possibly love a show
that makes it hard for them to sympathize with
anyone in the screen, and yet we are being
forced to swallow Mirandas sob story by the
end of the season.

BECausE youll NEvER HavE as


MuCH fREE tiME as iN tHE HoliDays

Elon Musk:
Inventing The
Future by
Ashlee Vance
Ashlee Vance
argues that
Elon Musk is
our generations
Edison, Ford, and
even Jobs. This
profile of Musk
brings a lot of
questions about
technology and
innovation to
the forefront. Is
he shaping our
future?

fhmphilofficial

Dark Matter by
Blake Crouch
The premise of
this novel makes
it sound like a
Netflix Original:
man wakes up
to find himself
in a different
dimension and
must now find
his way back
home. Dont be
surprised if this
mind-boggling
adventure/
thriller soon gets
a movie or TV
adaptation.

Slade House
by David
Mitchell
Invite yourself
into Slade House
with a bottle of
whiskey. Anyone
who goes in is
never seen again,
and the house
only re-appears
every nine years.
If youve always
wondered about
Hotel California,
then let this fill
the void in your
mind.

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All books are available in National Bookstore nationwide

Many a TV viewer would plop down on the


couch to watch the pilot of new Netflix Original
Haters Back Off only to give it a hard pass. We
would even argue that between the tiresome
bad singing and the ol' too-dumb-for-theworld bits on the first episode alone, this show
is unwatchable. But perhaps we should give
some credit to the people who put Stranger
Things on our screens.
Haters Back Off is the origin story of
Miranda, a wannabe Internet star who spends
all of eight episodes trying to make her
video viralto the detriment of her family
and personal dignity. Miranda, the popular
Internet character played by comedienne
Colleen Ballinger, already has a huge YouTube
following in real life. Haters Back Off aimed to
translate that into a workable television series

WoRDs: aNNE MaRi RoNquillo

WoRDs: aNNE MaRi RoNquillo

Pulse

SECR ET
SPOT

The Oasis
faNCy tHE ultiMatE lifE
REfREsHER WitHout
lEaviNg tHE MEtRo?
WoRDs: asH MaHiNay

In the heart of the cityat the tip


of Ayala Avenue to be preciseis
a gleaming high-tech institute that
wouldnt look out of place in those
futuristic sci-fi flicks where people
clone themselves for organs or
implant false memories in their skulls.
Aegle Wellness Center ditches
the sinister services for something
more benign thougha scientific
and individually tailored approach to
wellness. If youve ever been told to
just pop an ibuprofen when feeling
sick, you know how good personalized
mom support feels in comparison;
now imagine care thats taken to
the next level with state-of-the-art
24 FH M DECEMBER 2016

facilities and world-class staff.


If youre wondering what the
difference is between that and
an actual hospital, we have the
answer: better food.
But really, Aegles focus is on
modifying your long-term lifestyle
for preventive healthrather than
panicking when you start falling
apart, and helping you invest in
yourself, today, and stay fit rather
than wait to get sick.
For starters, their
detoxification treatment is the
equivalent of a vacation to

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Aegle Wellness Center


has two locations:
at The City Club at
Alphaland Makati
Place, and at Balesin
Island Club in Quezon.
Contact Aegle at
aeglewellnesscenter.
com and
facebook.com/
AegleWellnessCenter

fhmphilofficial

cleanse and reboot your system


without the stress of planning
an actual vacationor a hospital
confinement. Aegles detox
program will clean your blood
of toxins through stimulating
and resting your bodys natural
systems like the intestines, liver,
and skin. The end product is a
recharged and relaxed you, and
when people ask where you got
your newfound healthy glow, you
can be totally nonchalant and coy
and just reply, Oh, just here in
the city.
www.fhm.com.ph

Pulse

STAY
TU N E D

Live now:
Gee Canlas
ThE aCTREss anD YouTuBE vloggER
has sERious Chops in CoMEDY iTs no
laughing MaTTER

WORDS: POng CaStillO


PHOtOgRaPHY: PaOlO PineDa
Of MiDnigHt BOnkeRS
StYling: DeBRa BeRnaleS
MakeUP: Janina DizOn
HaiR: eMManUel HeRnanDez ii

26 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 27

Pulse

Gee Canlas wants to break the mold of


sexy comediennes. However, that idea
could be difficult to grasp, with her
traipsing around in the GMA sitcom
A1 Ko Sa Yo in scant clothing. Gee
gets candid and funny with equally
captivating actresses while playing
the role of an ex-overseas entertainer
from Japan.
With A1, the challenge is not in
pulling off the sexy-funny role, says
Gee. Everyone takes care of how they
look. Madali na makitang sexy ka o
maganda ka. The real challenge is
having real chops in comedy.
Luckily, Gee is covered in that
department. Shes a big fan of Tina
Fey and the satire Saturday Night
Live, shes managed by the same
group that handles comediennes
Tuesday Vargas and Valeen
Montenegro, and she dubbed for
Eugene Domingo in Kimmy Dora.
I draw inspiration from them
when it comes to my craft, says Gee.
But her natural ability to tickle your
funny bone comes from something
more personal, though. Im the girl
who always has to prove herself first
before people notice me. Looking
back, Ive learned how to embrace
28 FH M DECEMBER 2016

my uniqueness as a woman and as


an artist. I was the ugly duckling;
the small, dark kid. So I [challenged]
myself to try and be good at what I
do.
And good comedy is what she
does best in her one-woman online
show Gee TV (look it up: www.
geetv.online!). There she pokes
fun on millennial-focused topics
such as communication problems,
relationship dynamics, and pop
culture. Its self-deprecating because
all Gee TV episodes are based on my
personal experiences, she says. And
I think its funny to other people
because its relatable.
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Now if you think a funny guy like


you may have a future with Gee, pay
heed: Gee says that a guy has to be
street-smart to catch her attention.
And to be that, you have to have
seen many things, have met a lot of
peoplegusto ko yung mataba ang
utak para witty banter can happen
between the two of us.
And thats when you realize
breaking the mold of an ordinary
funny guy might just do you good in
landing a date with a girl like Gee.
I may be funny, but I am an alpha
female. I can take a guy na alpha
rinyung kaya akong basagin sa
kalokohan at katatawanan. FH M
www.fhm.com.ph

Follow Gee at
www.geetv.online
youtube.com/
geetvofficial
facebook.com/
geetvofficial

www.fhm.com.ph

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fhmphilofficial

DECEMBER 2016 FH M 29

30 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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www.fhm.com.ph

G
Gent
B E
L Ad I Es

FHMs

A
mAN

Edited by CECILE JUSI-BALTASAR


cecilebaltasar@gmail.com

Updated

guide
to

Winning
a
woman's

heart

(AND EVERYTHING THAT COMES WITH IT)


J O H N PA U L O A G U I L E R A

R IA R EG I NO
O F FAT C AT
STU DIO
STYLI nG
DEBRA BERnALES
MAKEUP
JAnInA DIzOn
HAIR
I wA A J I n O M OTO
LInGERIE FROM
SEXY SECR ETS PH
www.sexysecretsph.net

Introducing!

Rose Turner
www.fhm.com.ph

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fhmphilofficial

DECEMBER 2016 FH m 33

THey say THe only THing consTanT in liFe is cHange.


That applies to everything that existspeoples sense of
fashion, legal systems, cultural practices, even the world of
dating. A lot has been revolutionized, albeit for now.
Focusing on the latter, finding the perfect mate in the
modern era has become far removed from the traditional
harana, lola-wooing, and love letters on stationery.
Technology and societys burgeoning sexual liberation
have disrupted the customary love process.

No.

How
to

CATCH HER ATTENTION


The competition begins with
your drawing power, the ability to
get noticed in a sea of potential
partners. Hear it straight from the
horses mouth, a.k.a. the female
members of the FHM staff, on
what usually turns their heads:

#2
HOW TO

But still, romance boils down to the undeniable


connection between two people. The methods to winning
her heart mightve been altered through time, but the
essence of romantic love is unwavering.
FHM attempts to decipher the new-age dating scene
hoping to find out what has changed and what hasnt
since the advent of social media and promiscuity. Use
this as your guide to meeting your match and making the
relationship work.

ASK FOR HER NUMBER


Dont. Wait, what?

Apparently, asking for


her number puts you at
a disadvantage: you can
be easily rejected. Avoid
phrases like Can I? or
Is it okay? Instead, just
give her your number or
tell her that you should
swap digits. Confidence
is key here.

He shouldnt be trying to
get my attention in the
first place. Just carrying
himself and dressing well
is more than enough to
intrigue me. He doesnt
need to be flashy at
all. Pong, assistant
managing editor

All the more reason


for the two of you to
continue talking to each
other. She will also
appreciate the flattery,
as it suggests that she is
a good conversationalist.
Thats when you follow
up with a simple, Give
me your number.

Know when to
stop. If you feel

shes starting to make


things up to dodge your
request, maybe its time
to back off. In this case,
shes either taken or she
thinks youre taken. (Or
she just doesnt like you.)
Forcing yourself on her
isnt the solution.

No.

HOW TO

PAY HER A
COMPLIMENT
ONLINE

Less hair, less worries.


Grooming is a reflection
of a mans personality. So
if his hair is longer than
[mine] or the beard is too
thick, then I may have to
pass. Rose, staffwriter

Theres a thin line


between being a creep
and being an admirer.
Creepiness consists
of liking consecutive
profile pictures and old
photos of her in one
go. That is shameless
stalking. At least be
low-key when checking
her out. Admiration
shows in flattering her
with smart statements
rather than dropping
one-liners that
border on catcalling
(e.g. chicks, seksi).
Moderation is key. Take
it easy; dont suffocate
her with adoration.

I usually eavesdrop on
small talk to gauge if he
makes sense. More than
the looks, his ability to
sustain a conversation
has more bearing when
[looking for] someone for
keeps. Khat, staffwriter
Theres no harm in
flashing those pearly
whites. Women are drawn
to an approachable
aura, which makes an
introduction easier for
both sides. Its important
[for men] to not come off
as intimidating. Eve,
video producer

34 FH m DECEMBER 2016

Let her know


youve enjoyed
your quick chat.

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#4
HOW TO

IMPRESS HER
WITH YOUR
SOCIAL MEDIA
POSTS

Puns and quips: surefire hits. Making her

laugh never fails. If her newsfeed is like everyone elses


these days, there will be too many negative news bits in
there. Your posts with funny references or clever wordplay
will be the easiest to digest.

No Dear diary moments. If you regularly


fume on social media with kilometric whiny posts about
how badly life is treating you, imagine how youre going
to be when the two of you argue face to face. Also,
remember this: if a girl is into tragic novels, shell always
pick a book over your sorry Facebook posts.
Grammar, please. Think [and spell-check]

before you click. You can always go all-Filipino or impress


with your smart one-liners if you arent too sure of your
captions.

No.

HOW TO

CONVINCE HER PARENTS TO LIKE YOU


Dr. Cely Magpantay, a psychologist at St. Lukes
Medical Center, says that dads have basic
protective instincts, so sometimes you come
off as a threat to himtaking ownership for
someone hes cared for all his life.
To get on his good side, make him trust
you by bonding with him over man activities,
says Magpantay. Also, it wont hurt to shell out
some bucks for titas favorite chocolates.
Get on their drift and stop seeming like an
intruder in their home. Good luck!

www.fhm.com.ph

No.

How
to

PROLONG TEXTING/
CHATTING
Because a simple Whats up?
can only get you so far, and not
everyone is interested in whats
happening to the country. If you
wish to have a conversation that
could go on until the wee hours of
the morning, talk about these:
Funny GIFs and images In one
of Tinder sociologist Dr. Jess
Carbinos online articles, she
says that dropping graphics
and videos will increase
interaction twice as much than
regular text messaging.
Passion Nobody gets tired
babbling about his/her
interests. Avoid talking too
much that she wont have a
chance to chime in. When you
come up for breath, it will be a
good idea to find out what she
likes as well.
Former flames Contrary to
popular belief, most people are
quite open when discussing
their failed relationships, which
is quite the compelling subject.
The moment she goes into
the details, it means she is
starting to trust you by sharing
something intimate with you.

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No.

HOW TO

SEAL YOUR
SECOND DATE
(AND THE NEXT
ONES)
So she finally accepted
your invitation to go out.
The next question is, how
can you ensure a followup? Honestly, you dont
need to be too fancy with
fine dining or a bouquet of
long-stemmed roses. Just
do these simple gestures
and shell be the one
asking you out in no time:
Fetch and drop her off.
When it comes to first
dates, most women still
like it old school.
Put down your phone.
This should be automatic.
The only time youre
allowed to touch your
phone is before the server
takes your official date
photo, and when you book
a rental car after.
Pick up the tab.
The modern woman has
no problem paying for
her own meal, but some
appreciate a gentlemanly
treat. Besides, youll get to
that phase anyway.

DECEMBER 2016 FH m 35

10

No.

HOW TO

HOW TO

MAKE IT
OFFICIAL

KISS
PROPERLY

When all that's left to is to confirm


your relationship, you have to broach
the subject during one of your
conversations. Besides proper timing,
there are ideal ways to carry out that
mini-proposal; here are samples of
what you should and shouldnt tell
her before changing your FB status.

Theres always room for


improvement when it
comes to puckering up.
That is why for tried
and tested techniques in
making out, we break
down the last three
winners of the MTV
Movie Awards Best Kiss:

Kelan mo ba ko
sasagutin?
Take your time; things
like these shouldnt be
hurried. Im willing to wait
for your sweet Yes.
Ano na ba tayo?
I treasure what we have
right now, despite the lack
of proper labels. I just
want to tell the world how
much I love you.

The Twilight Saga:


Breaking Dawn Part
1 (Kristen Stewart and
Robert Pattinson) If
your method can get a
stone-faced Kristen to
break out an emotion,
then it must be that good.

I like you, and you like


me. So what are we
waiting for?
I like how things are
going between the two
of us, and I would love to
take it to the next level.

No.
Silver Linings Playbook
(Jennifer Lawrence and
Bradley Cooper) The
only thing that ruined
that perfect smooch
was the piece of paper
Tiffany (Lawrence) was
holding. Make sure to
free up those mitts for an
emphatic embrace.

Were The Millers


(Emma Roberts, Jennifer
Aniston and Will
Poulter) This isnt exactly
our idea of a kissing
tutorial. But because it
involves Emma and Jen,
were not complaining.
36 FH m DECEMBER 2016

R E S O L V E

No.

HOW TO

HOW TO

C O N F L I C T

You can come up with the most sound arguments while


squabbling with your woman and still end up with her hating
you. Believe it or not, theres a foolproof way to end all kinds
of verbal tussle.
A 2015 study published in the Journal of Personality
and Social Psychology discovered something revolutionary,
at least for men. The study found out that responding to
women along the lines of, I see where youre coming from,
can calm the storm and create a more peaceful environment
to discuss your issues.
In this study, researchers analyzed 247 couples, asking
them to identify things they usually fight over and then were
asked to try to resolve them. After the exercise, results
bared a pattern: those who felt like their partners made an
effort to reach out to them were happier in their relationship
than their apathetic counterparts.
According to the study, If partners feel understood
by each other, there may be no need to fight in the first
place. But when couples do find themselves in the midst
of fighting, perceived understanding can help attenuate the
negative effects of that conflict.

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11

fhmphilofficial

KNOW WHEN SHES


READY TO DO THE
DEED
A recent study published in
the Journal of Personality
and Social Psychology on 268
subjescts says that women are
actually more into the deed
than you are. So the challenge
is just in decoding the signs
she gives you.
She invites you to her place
or comes over to your place
more often. Especially if both
of you live by yourselves.
She gets extra touchy. It
can only point to her building
sexual tension and chemistry
in preparation for the main
event.
She turns the flirting up.
Notice how naughtier her
texts has suddenly become?
Clearly, she wants the D. FH m

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Is she NAUGHTY or NICE?


Better check that list twice.

Take Rogin-E daily.

SURVIVE THE HOLIDAZE

Its time to think long and hard about what youll be giving your girl this Christmas. After all, if
shes going to be unwrapping anything this holiday season, it had better be something special.
And to make sure she has a banging good time, youll need something to supplement your
strength. Thankfully, Rogin-Es unique combination of Ginseng for endurance, Royal Jelly for
vitality and Deanol for mental potency will help you brave the Christmas crowds and find that
perfect gift for your lady.

ASC Ref. No. B066P111816R


L.PH.MKT.CC.10.2016.0177

Gent
WHAT I
KNOW
ABOUT

WOM EN

The tough softie

ERIC TAI IS juST LIkE ANy REGuLAR SuPERHERo


you SEE oN THE STREET: RouGH oN THE ouTSIDE
BuT A TEDDy BEAR oN THE INSIDE
AS ToLD To MAAN DASIS PAMArAN | PHoToGRAPHy DAIrY DArILAG
STyLING GeNIe rANADA-BABISTA | GRoomING ANNe CASTAO

He is a God-fearing, rugby-playing, dance


floor-slaying, muscle-bound Tonganhe
might as well be a superhero, if you ask
the women of the world. Eric Eruption Tai
used to be on your TV screen as one of the
co-hosts of Its Showtime. But this time,
fans are supporting him and his wife Rona
Samsons bid for road warrior on season 5
of AXNs The Amazing Race Asia.
When I was a kid growing up in New
Zealand, sports was the only thing going
for a lot of kids on the street; it was about
playing basketball or rugby, says Eric.
When I was about 3 or 4, I was playing
outdoors a lot. By the time I was in high
school I was into a lot of sports including
rugby, cricket, volleyball, and track and
field. Who you surround yourself with is
what you become and all my friends were
athletes.
Since then, Erics been a sales
consultant for a gym (where he went
from 170 lbs. to 220 lbs. of pure muscle),
a missionary for the Church of the Latter
Day Saints, a security guard, factory
worker, a night club manager, a dancer,
an honorary Filipino, a TV co-host, and
finally, a rugby player for the Philippine
national rugby union team (the Volcanoes,
for short).
He shares with us all he knows about
womenand we tell you, the guy knows
what hes talking about.
Girls like men who know how to dance.
[Dancing] really is an attraction. I would
say that [this talent] is something unique I
possess. Girls get to see a lighter side of me
and become less intimidated. Guys approach
me too, like Astig ito ah! Ang galing mo! It
helps to start up a conversation.

38 FH M DECEMBER 2016

Pick-up lines dont really work on girls.


[When I was single] I didnt use pick-up lines
per s. I just approached girls and started
a conversation with them based on what
I thought they liked. This doesnt usually
happen in a bar but in a quieter place, like
a coffee shop or a bus stop. If I saw a girl
reading Stephen Kings It, I
would know that she likes
horror and she likes it rough. I
just went up and asked her if
she saw the movie, something
like that.

There are girl playas, too, not just


guys.
What you need to do is never give your trust
to someone at the first get-go. Follow your
heart, but use your mind, too. Love exists but
it doesnt mean that if you are on cloud nine
after your first couple of dates, you already
have to give your all. Love has
to be developed as well as
trust. That goes hand in hand.
My wife and I were in the
getting-to-know stage for eight
months before we became
a couple. And we waited a
year and a half before getting
engaged; then waited a year
after that to get married.

You cant
be tough
and not
show Your
emotions at
all; thats
not good

With smart women, obvious


compliments dont work
as well as sensitive-guy
compliments.
I would compliment women
on something not as clich
as You have beautiful eyes.
Id ask about the shirt shes
wearing or her glasses. How
she responds will clue you in if
she likes you. If she just says,
Thank you, that means shes
not interested. If she asks a
question of her own, that means shed like to
keep the conversation going.
Older women are attracted to big guys.
While girls get scared and think that I am
unapproachable, I have also found that older
women are attracted [to big guys like me],
because I guess they havent met anybody
my size before and they find it appealing.
Obviously with these guys being big, [the
women] expect rough times. Sometimes we
might get a little bit rough, lets just keep
it at that. What they dont know is that Im
a big teddy bear. Not all women like buff
guys, though. Some want someone whos
comfortable with themselves.

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I believe what girls are


looking for is a balance
between the tough guy and
the sensitive guy.
You cant be tough and not
show your emotions at all;
thats not good. [Girls] like
a guy who can be tough
when the situation calls for
it, someone who can make a stand when it
counts. But its also nice to have a calm, soft
side, too. That said, some girls can be just as
brutal [as tough guys].
Women are into real men.
For me, its not about the muscles or
machismo. A real man is God-fearing. He
knows what he wants, he wont stop until
he gets it, but at the same time knows his
limits. He knows when to calm down and
when to rage and stand up. He knows his
responsibilities and knows what he needs to
do to better himself. If he is in a relationship,
he does what he can to protect that
relationship.
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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 39

PHOTOGR APHY: KEVIN CAYUCA

Gent

Sex

D O S S IE R

Femme Fatale
A sAlAcious encounter with A strAnger uncovers her nAughty side

Anna Cruz,

21

Makati
8:00 p.m.
I was 21 when I found out my boyfriend of three years was cheating on
me. I was upset about it for some time. But I decided I needed to move
on for the sake of self-preservation. So when my friend Matt asked me to
come to the birthday party of his soccer teammate, I didnt hesitate.
Matt and I are kind of best friendsa first-degree friendship that was
precious to him. When I got to the party, I didnt know anybody there but
him. The celebrant was Brandon, a half-British-half-Filipino guy working
in a bank in Manila. And the party was filled with other guys like him:
rowdy, merry athletes, mostly foreigners sent as expats to work in the city
who found solace in sports.
When the party was wrapping up, Matt and Brandon and I, along with
a few other girls, decided to ditch the bar and head back to Brandons
apartment. We drank some more before people began to fall asleep. I
decided I had sobered up and it was time for me to go home, so I went
up to Brandon to say goodbye. He was sitting in the dining area, drunk,
when he looked up at me; he put his hand on the inside of my thigh and
told me to stay. He asked me to accompany him out to the balcony so he
could have a smoke.
When we got out, he smiled at me as he took a few puffs on his
cig. Without a word, he leaned in and kissed me. I was shocked by the
aggression, but I kissed back. He hiked up my short skirt, pushed aside
my thong, and casually slid his fingers inside me. I quietly moaned in his
mouth as his lips muffled my cries. I pushed him away. No I should go,
I said, knowing it was the right thing to do
He stepped back and sighed, Yeah, nowe cant do thisyou
should go.
I looked up at him. Youre cute, I said. He smiled back at me, Youre
dangerous.
The following week at work, all I could think of was Brandon. I
couldnt get the memory out of my head, getting turned on at the
most inappropriate hours. Then one day, as I sat in my office cubicle, a
message popped up on Facebook. It was from him.
40 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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Brandon: Hello
Me: Hey, whats up?
Brandon: Not much.
Brandon: How much have you been thinking about the balcony?
Me: Ha ha! You have no idea.
Brandon: Want to catch dinner this Friday? My place?
Me: Yeah, sure.
Me: Where is your place again?
Brandon: Ah, you dont remember not a surprise.
That Friday, I rang his doorbell, and he opened the door in his shorts
and a sando. We sat on the couch, fumbling at small talk as the tension
between us began to fire up. Finally, he kissed me. I crawled on top of
him, sitting on his lap. I could feel him getting hard underneath me, the
bulge warm and firm. He was six years older than me, and he handled
me with an authority that was irresistible. He lay me down on the
couch, removing my panties as he ran his lips along my thighs down. He
continued to eat me as he thrust his fingers inside. I threw my head back
with pleasure.
He was strong and seemed experienced. He grabbed my arm and
pulled me outside, onto his balcony again, where it all began. He spun me
around and pushed my bare chest against the railing. We were both naked
in the dead of night. This is what you want, right? he asked roughly.
Youre dangerous, he said. Dangerous. I liked the way it sounded
even if it felt foreign to my ear.
We moved into the bedroom. Brandon was romantic with his words,
but brutal with his actions. He took me to the bathroom and placed me on
the countertop, and he fucked me while he watched in the mirror. I came.
Back in the bedroom, he told me to lie down, moving his crotch close
to my face. Put my balls in your mouth, he commanded, as he kneeled
down close to my face. I cupped his balls with my lips. I came again.
We finished about 30 minutes later. I lay next to him completely spent
but satisfied. Then his phone rang, and he exited the room to take the call.
`Hallo, he exclaimed excitedly, sincerelyit was his girlfriend on the
other line. I knew he had a girlfriend all along. She was at the birthday
party. They talked while I lay on their bed, in their apartmentan intruder.
An intruder who was sickeningly pleased with herself, and already
dreaming of the next encounter.

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witness ellen adarna


bas k i n th e g lo ry
of complete freedom

Venus

Unbound
p h o to g r a p h y

mar k n i c dao
wo r d s

a n to n d e e n U m a l i

st yl i n g

da n a e dan i p o n
as s i st e d by
J oy b e r na r d o
of

st y l i Z e d st U d i o
ma k e U p

m i c k ey s e e
ha i r

r J d e la c r UZ
of

to n i e Va n g e l i sta
s a lo n
as s i st e d by
francis de J esUs
s h ot o n
lo cat i o n at

Zam bawo o d b eac h


h o U s e,
sa n n a r c i s o, Z a m ba l e s
w w w. z ambawo o d . c o m
ac k n owle d g e m e n ts :
b e lo m e d i ca l g r o U p,
a rt i st i Q U e h e a lt h
s p e c i a l i st, p o s h
na i ls, h a i r s h a f t
sa lo n f o r h a i r
c o lo r, p r et t y lo o ks
p e r ma n e nt ey e b r ows
s p e c i a l t h a n ks to
m s. Va n s oyo s a

I T WA S T H E B L I S T E RI N G H E AT o f
t h e Z a m b a le s s u n t h at t r i ed to
u p s tage Elle n A da r n a du r i ng h er
t h i r d F H M c ov er s ho ot.
Everything was serenethe lush greenery, wild flora,
an expanse of sand and stone and rolling clouds on the
horizon. As rays of splintering light from above shone
through the pine branches, the scent of dry woodland
grass escaped from beneath her feet. But there was no
reprieve from the unforgiving humidity. It was sweltering
hot. A temperature so palpable that both talent and crew
were melting.
We were only twenty minutes into the proceedings to
be exact. Stark naked, with only thorny vines to barely
cover what was needed, the Cebuana heiress-turned-actress
remained a vision in front of the camera. With each shot,
she seemed to resemble
Mother Nature at her
strongest: fiery yet
benevolent, reckless yet
in control.
And then Ellen
Adarna fainted.
I dont know exactly
what transpired, she
recalls. At first, I was
okay. Mainit lang. And
then, all of a sudden,
every time Id blink,
paitim na nang paitim
yung nakikita ko.
Parang mahihimatay
yata ako, kailangan ko
ng tubig, I remember
thinking to myself. And
then I collapsed. I was
no longer in front of
the camera. I was no
longer in the frame.
Panicked, everyone
rushed to take Ellen
back to the Zambawood
mansion, a sprawling
ranch estate that
included a beach, a small
forest, and an enviable
stretch of farmland,
which served as the
location headquarters.
She was given food,
water, and sugar in her
air-conditioned room.
She was dehydrated, and
was asked to rest.

We didnt want to make Ellen suffer. The cover could


wait. Everyone agreed we could always reschedule and
that it might be a good idea to pack up and head home to
Manila.
But Ellen Adarna wasnt going to succumb to the
elements. She knew what was required of her and to her
credit, she was determined to be professional about it,
fainting spells be damned. After just an hour of getting it
together, she was back to her old selfgame, excited, and
(a wee bit) embarrassed to let everyone down.
I guess it makes me happy that people perceive me that
way [a pro]. Pag ganitong shoot na more skin and nude,
wala naman akong
issue. Its also because
Im comfortable with
Mark (Nicdao) as the
photographer and with
the FHM team since
Ive been working with
you guys for a long
time. Actually, I wasnt
expecting the elements
to be so harsh. I had
to go on a diet for this
shoot, and I didnt know
we were going to be
under the heat of the
sun.
Funny thing is, as
soon as Ellen was up
and ready to continue
with the shoot, the
weather changed just
as quickly as her mood.
The sky suddenly
turned dark, the heat
of the sun replaced
by angry clouds that
poured heavy rain. And
in the middle of the
madness was our cover
girl, enjoying every
minute of the downpour
as the lens captured
and immortalized the
moment. Inspired by her
carefree attitude, the
crew decided it would be
a shame to not join in.
Ellen paid no mind to
the tempestuous waves
that came crashing in
her direction.

ELLENS
TEMPERED
WORK ETHIC,
the reputation for being a risk-taker, is also
apparent in her growth as an actress. No longer
is she boxed into the archetypal sexy comedienne
up for a quick laugh. She has evolved into an
actress with depth, as proven in her work in The
Greatest Love, where she is the younger Sylvia
Sanchez, a woman suffering from Alzheimers,
but whose memories may as well be gone because
it is fraught with trauma. Given the demands
of the role, and having to work with a veteran
actress, we wouldnt blame Ellen if she had
shirked from cowardice.
But Ellen, brave as ever, decided to take the
challenge, and the reception has been positive.
You know what, drama is somewhat easier
for me, Ellen explains. I was shocked. After
I experienced doing drama, mas gusto ko na
siya. Its very demanding. Its very demanding
physically, emotionally, and mentally. Nakakapagod, pero
mas madali para sa akin. Mas mahirap magpatawa. Pag
sinabi sa akin magpa-sexy ka, I feel pressured because
sometimes I dont know what that means. Siguro rin kasi
ang dami kong pinagdaanan in life na hindi pa alam ng
mga tao so mabilis ako humugot.
Despite the very heavy material she needs to tackle on a
daily basis, Ellen can still radiate joy to any room shes in.
That shes allowed to purge herself of negativity through
the show is something she sees as a blessing. When they
wrap, she finds comfort in the fact that shes calm and
collected because all the hate has been spewed through the
mouth of Gloria, the character she plays. She also claims to
draw inspiration from her own experiences. And its hard
to believe that a woman like Ellengorgeous, talented, and
charismaticwas insecure once upon a time. She admits
she was shallow when she began in show business, but
that she was also young. She was in an awkward phase,
confused about what to do with her life, always hearing
people compare her with others.

There was a time when I thought that looks were more


important. We all pass that phase. And parang kinain ako
nung phase ko na yun. I was negative. Galit ako sa mundo.
Then, I realized when I got older, that theres really no
point dwelling on the bad stuff. Ive learned that everything
is going to be okay. If youre in showbiz, youll be trained.
Masasanay ka. Negativity is always around you and people
will try to bring you down. I think Im stronger because of
showbiz.
Growing up having only brothers in a privileged
household molded her into the carefree individual she has
become. That much she knows. Shes comfortable around
boys, and her no-fuss manner of dealing with obstacles
that get in her way is evidence of this. Once notorious for
being a stiletto-wearing, fist-pumping party girl, shes now
traded in the all-night ragers fueled by overflowing alcohol
for a more mature approach to life. Not to say she no
longer knows how to let her hair down and dance with the
devil; but the wild beauty who used to close down Cebu and
Manilas most popular clubs and electric raves has realized
that in order to maintain a healthy sense of self, she needs
to kick off her heels. Ellen, its safe to assume, has finally
found equilibrium.
Before, I wasnt like this. I was always into extremes. When
I stopped partying hard, I felt responsible for myself. It was
because of the partying na nawawala ako sa mundo. Its
more fun to be bad, but because I am nearing my thirties
parang hindi na bagay. Suddenly, things became
smooth-sailing. The fun side, now thats just really who I am
as a person. It comes natural to me.
And it is also this fun side that has sometimes courted
controversy. Even when she is just being herself, the
public tends to bear down on her, either double-tapping or
disapproving of her decisions. This is the price of fame.

ELLEN IS STILL
SO POPULAR
ON THE
INTERNET
that her every move is met with likes, troll
comments, or online articles that attempt to
dissect her pure magnetism. Whether shes
posting a skinny dipping snap on Instagram,
prepping herself for the Star Magic Ball, or
kissing the countrys First Bachelor in public,
the masses cant seem to separate themselves
from the obsession.
This is nothing new to Ellen, whose star
rose from the depths of an old digital realm:
Friendster. She was Internet-famous before
the term was part of the local lexicon. She was
cyber-bullied before it was even considered a
crime. Her pictures were stolen, some used to
solicit money from strangers. She magically
gained boyfriends shed never even met.
Sketchy men would send her cheap underwear
and threaten her if she didnt agree to meet up
with them. She was slut-shamed (and is still
being slut-shamed). And she was still in high
school when all this happened. Shame.
Inis ako nung time na yun, she
remembers. I didnt understand. Why would
people use my name or steal my pictures? I
was still studying and didnt know what was
going on in the world back then. Social media
is pretty powerful.
The key to Ellen Adarnas infamy, it should
be noted, is in her authenticity. She does not
try. She just is. Most of her videos have gone
viral for a reason: she doesn't look like she's
faking it.
Walang wala na sa akin yung mga yan
[the online haters]. They dont matter because
my friends love me, my family loves me. I
have a strong foundation and support group.
But there are times pag paulit-ulit, it affects
me negatively so I just block them.
Now that shes transitioned from Internet
fame to mainstream stardom, shes chosen
to focus on her work rather than choke on
the miasma of vitriol that comes with the job.
Shell be starring in the teleserye Langit Lupa
alongside Patrick Garcia, in a bida-kontrabida
role that will add to her growing portfolio as
an industry heavyweight. She cant hide the
excitement when she expounds on playing the
villainess, traces of the bad girl of yesteryear
coming out to make her presence felt.
Girls like me cant be controlled, she
says, a playful, but also sinister, smirk
animating her face. I will change when the
right time comes. But now, you just need to
watch me grow. FH M

!
TONIC
for the

G INS
$

Tu r n s out , al l G i ne br a
ne e d e d t o ge t ou t
of t h e s w am p s w as
a c oac h w ho m ake s
w i n ni n g c ham p i on s h i p s
s e e m s o e as y

WO R D S AN D P H OTO G R AP HY

W i n sto n Ba lta sa r
ST Y LI N G

D E B ra B E r n al E s
S P ec IAL THAN kS TO

Jas E r M aras i gan

The word kangkong never entered


our conversation with Coach Tim
Cone, even if his Barangay Ginebra
San Miguel boys were relegated to the
lowly vegetable by critics at one point.
Anyway, no one would think to put
themPBA champions once againin
the kangkungan now.
Interestingly, the man who
steered the Gin Kings to their 9th
championshiptheir first after eight
yearshas never been an assistant
coach. Cone shot straight to the top
coaching position when he began
with the PBA more than two decades
ago. It was an impressive move
that required a lot of work to gain
credibility among his players.
I havent seen a lot of coaches
coach, so I dont really know [how my
style differs from theirs], says Cone,
the winningest coach in the PBA with
19 championships in his career. Its
really been more trial and error and
learning my own way; watching videos,
reading about leadership, and such.
It did help that Cone isnt a bad
basketball player either. I played
college basketball in the States so I
had to be fairly good, he says. In
high school, I was a star; 20 points
a game at least. Thats why I got my
job. Because my boss at Alaska (Fred
Uytengsu, Jr.) knew me as a basketball
player. We went to school together.
A fan of NBA coaches Pat Riley
and Phil Jackson (whom he has
met a couple of times), Cone has his
own way of navigating the PBA, its
fans, and the media. He knows how
to control post-game press cons, for
instance. When sports writers are
done asking their questions, but Cone
still has something he wants to share,
he goes ahead and asks his own
questions; which he then answers. He

68 FH M DECEMBER 2016

turns these press cons into one-man


open forums, no doubt fattening up
the sports articles about his games.
As for the recent championship
that catapulted Ginebra back to its
glory days, Cone is doing his best to
get over it. Im trying to forget about
it because were back in practice,
he says. We want to move on; just
put the trophy in the lobby and walk
away. Although this championship
was the most spectacular; in terms of

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the fans, the Jay [Helterbrand]-Mark


[Caguioa] game, the finishing shot,
the Japeth [Aguilar] shot in the San
Miguel series. There were so many
big moments that made this [win]
special.
But how did they win? Im
a big believer that defense wins
championships, Cone says. We dont
just talk it; we walk it. Thats really
important.

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We heard that when you were


young, you always got picked last in
basketball games.
Well, thats because I was the
youngestI was 12 or 13 and
everybody else was 18. I didnt get
picked last because I was the worst
[player]. I was just fortunate to be
playing with them. I think they let
me play with them because it was
my ball. My mother knew that if I
brought a good ball, the best ball,
then theyd invite me to play. You
cant get my ball then not let me
play. [That] made me a better player
because I always played with older
guys. I was a little dribbling queen. I
liked to dribble.
How was it when you took over as
Ginebras head coach?
The first week I was with Ginebra,
we went down to Naga for a mall
visit and team building. I told the
guys, We have to organize how we
go into the mall because it will be
crazy. People will be all over us.
We got to the mall and there was
nobody outside. We walked into the
mall where we were supposed to do
autographs and picture taking and
there were like 150 to 200 people.
I went, This is not the Ginebra I
know! It was tough because the fans
only knew disappointment over the
last few years. I told the guys, We
got to get the fans back. We got to
get the excitement back to the team.
And the only way we can do that is to
win.
So the adulation is definitely back.
This is what it was like when the Big
J [Robert Jaworski] was around. We
feel that if we can sustain this a little
bit, it could build up even more. I
think the proudest moment in terms
of getting the fans back was after the
championship in the locker room.
Sol Mercado came out and said, You
guys remember that time in Naga?
Now look outside the door. Mission
accomplished.

Ginebra fans are a cultural


phenomenon. They are the only
supporters of a PBA team whose
fandom is passed from father to son.
What are your thoughts on this?
Fans are generational. Ginebra had
such a huge following during the
Jaworski days and it was even passed
down from Meralco and Toyota into
Ginebra. Obviously, the heyday
was generated through the Big J.
Coaching Ginebra is like coaching the
national team. You have so much at
stake.
Game 6 of the Governors Cup
Finals, youre down 11 at halftime.
Were you expecting Robert Jaworski
to enter the dugout?
Yes, we were. Ive been around him
before. I coached against him for
many years. I know how inspiring he
can be. And it was especially positive
because I was really negative at the
time. We were down; we werent
playing well. I yelled at the guys. He
came in and he took the edge off. I
was not capable of doing that at that
moment because I was too angry
about the way we were playing. But
he came in and the players looked so
much more relaxed when they came
out. We got back in the game very,
very quickly. And that was the key. It
didnt take us a whole quarter to get
back.
Your Twitter account says Tex
Winter protg. How did you
learn the Triangle offense that Tex
propagated?
I learned the Triangle on my own
back in the early 90s when the
Chicago Bulls were first becoming
prominent.We beamed it in from
Clark with an antenna and Id record
it on an old betamax [tape]. I knew
there was something [the Bulls] were
running. I didnt know what it was
but it intrigued me so I tried to break
it down. I recorded as many games
as I could and [fast-]forwarded and
rewound until I could figure out some

We got to get
the fans back.
We got to get the
excitement back to
the team. and the
only way we can do
that is to win.

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of the patterns that they ran. It took


a couple of years of trial and error
and watching their games before I felt
that I mastered it.
How did the mentorship with Tex
start?
Tex Winter came to the Philippines in
2000 on the invitation of Chot Reyes.
Since I was the primary Triangle guy
here, we were introduced and became
good friends. I went to a couple of the
practices of the Los Angeles Lakers.
In that way, he became a mentor but I
never worked for him. I [just] adapted
his system on my own.
Have you always stuck with the
Triangle, though?
It wasnt until four or five months ago
when I veered away a little bit from
the Triangle system. In the finals,
we were taking enhanced principles
of the Triangle and [turned it into]
kind of a more current offense; a
little more movement, a little faster
pace. But for 24 to 25 years, Id been
running the Triangle.
Youve got a bit of showtime here
with your Ginebra players.
I think thats generally the league.
But with the Triangle, we were
much more deliberate. [In the last
conference,] we picked up the pace.
Were not a running team; were a
half-court pace team. We run quickly
into our pace. But were not really
a fast-breaking team. We want to be
more defense-oriented. Its important
that we settle our defense so we run,
but we run back [too].
Coaching a championship team must
be an intense full-body workout.
How do you relax?
You always have to decompress. I play
tennis every day at 6 a.m. The guys I
hang out with there, they dont bother
me about basketball. We just get out
there and play. Its a great thing. In
the evenings, my wife and I go to the
movies; two or three times a week.
Do you have a dark side, though?
If I say no, itll sound like [Im a
saint]. If I say yes, I have to give an
example but I cant think of one. The
players see my dark side in the locker
room. I try not to show that persona
outside because I dont want to
embarrass the guys. My wife always
says Im so passionate in the court
during games but when I get home,
theres no passion. I never get angry.
We never fight. Im very easy-going
off the court. My kids bring their
friends to the house and theyre like,
Oh, no! Its your dad! Theyre scared
of seeing me. [But] Im hanging out,
so laidback, laughing and making
jokes. Theyre like, Is your dad
always like that? Im super laidback.

DECEMBER 2016 FH M 69

Th is is n t jus t a C hr is tmas
thingthis is po s s ib ly
life lo ng o b s e s s io n we r e
s e e ing he r e

WO R DS

K U R T
70 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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A L L A N

P.

H E R NA N D E Z

P H OTO G R A P H Y

A LVA R E Z

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J E SA LVA
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NAM E: Michael Da Jose


AG E: 34
JOB: Project manager at an IT
company
COLLECTI NG SI NCE: He was
probably five. His dad would buy
him toys and have him do a roll
call of them. Dad also collects
LEGOs.
WHAT H E HAS: Marvel Legends,
Batman, Transformers (only
Autobots), GI Joe, Star Wars
(Jedi and Sith), Thundercats,
He-Man and the Masters
of the Universe, Marvel
Cinematic Universe Hot
Toys.

You will notice that while most of my collection


belongs to the 80s, I got the most modern versions
of them. For me, they look aesthetically better, and
the articulations are better, says Da Jose, who
admits to being very anal about the toy lines he
collects. I dont have vintage versionsI appreciate
nostalgia but when it comes to the actual figures,
the quality of the vintage ones are inferior.
The guest room in the Da Jose house is
the main toy lair, as is his bedroommake that
practically the entire house as his dad is also a
collector (strangely, his twentysomething brother
feels nothing for the toys. Yes, its possible).
When I set up this [guest] room, I had in mind
mostly Marvel Legends, its a six-inch figure line
that Im really into right now. I can say that currently
these are my main line. Maybe I have around 500+
of themthere are many not on display here.
Theres Batman. What I like about Batman is
that he has a vast rogues gallery; lots of allies as
well. I have figures from the comics line, the video
games, the most recent iterations in the comics,
and of course the movie figures, which I consider
as high-end already. I have Batmobiles, who doesnt
like Batmobiles, right?
Da Jose keeps to a regular buying schedule. I
spend about P10,000 a month. I dont buy in retail
anymore. Most of my stuff comes direct from local
toy shops these days. I just tell them to sign me up
for a specific line when they arrive.
TOTAL N U M B E R
OF TOYS H E HAS:
A little bit above
2000.
HOW M UCH
TH EYR E WORTH:
I am not even
going into that.

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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 71

TOTAL N U M B E R OF TOYS H E
HAS: Close to 5000. Eighty percent
of it is in his home in Ayala, Alabang;
the rest is in Tagaytay.
HOW M UCH TH EYR E WORTH:
About the price of two Toyota Vios,
Earl says. Thats about P1.5 million.

NAM E: Earl Madriaga


AG E: 41
JOB: His family owns
a drug store and a real
estate business.
COLLECTI NG SI NCE:
1995. Not stopping yet.
WHAT H E HAS: Action
figures, ships, vehicles,
light sabers, Hot Toys.
Star Wars occupy prime
space, but there are
Marvel toys, too.

Why do I like Star Wars? The


special effects! When I saw
Return of the Jedi in 1984,
Id never seen anything like it.
When youre a kid you never
really care about the storyline,
its about the effects!
After which Madriagas dad
bought him a miniature X-Wing Fighter. I still have
it with me. He really did. He showed us a really
aging but still working toy.
Why Madriaga only began collecting Star
Wars toys in1995 is also the backstory of the toy
industry.
Return of the Jedi was the last movie, then
nawala yung hype, what I saw were cartoons on
TVGI Joe, Transformers, He-Mandumaan ako
dun. My craving for Star Wars couldnt be sated
because there was no merchandise. In 1991 a
book called Heir to the Empire was released [a
Star Wars novel] and that revived my liking for Star
72 FH M DECEMBER 2016

Wars. The first toys that came out then were the
Bend-ems [bendable toys]I was craving for action
figures but that had to do, so pinagtiyagaan ko
yun. Then Micro Machines came out [small toys of
Star Wars spaceships and vehicles) and I collected
that, and then they released the action figures na
hinahanap ko dati pa.
Exactly how serious is he as a Star Wars fan?
I named my kids after Star Wars characters.
Theres more.
The husband-and-wife bed has a headboard
carved with the design of, not a heart, but the
Imperial logo.
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NAM E: Myke Dela Paz


AG E: 38
JOB: Full-time custom toy
artist
COLLECTI NG SI NCE:
The early 90s.
WHAT H E HAS: Marvel,
Star Wars, Lord of the
Rings, Game of Thrones.

TOTAL N U M B E R OF TOYS
H E HAS: Upwards of a
thousand. He still buys toys,
although he mostly finds
something to improve on.
HOW M UCH TH EYR E
WORTH: Hes not keeping
tabs as well, but it doesnt
matter because he makes
money off them anyway. I
charge foreign clients $150
for a customized toy. Local
clients get 30 percent off!

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You have to see Dela Pazs before-and-after


gallery on his Facebook page (facebook.com/
phoenixforcecreations) to see why hes the go-to
guy for customized toys even if he doesn't like
to take the creditthe factory toys look like sad
failures compared with his very alive and very
detailed creations.
My forte is creating faces. Dun kadalasan
napapatingin ang mga tao. I want my creations in
full detail. And gusto ko yung buhok very dynamic.
Dela Paz has used his Fine Arts background from
FEU to good effect. He sculpts very defined muscles
from putty and uses fine paintbrushes to detail facial
features, veins, shadings, the entire masterpiece.
For example, si Black Widow pinaganda ko
yung buhok, iniba ko yung shape ng katawan para
mas sexy, or si Hulk mas pinalaki ko yung muscle,
nilagyan ko ng mga ugat, mas galit ang mukha. Also
the paint is better than factory paint, Dela Paz says.
He shows us a gallery of Marvel heroes. This
collection started in 2009, and my main focus
right now. Hanggat maaari lahat ng mga Marvel
characters meron ako, even the obscure characters
that I have not seen been made into action figures,
ginagawa ko para ma-complete ko sila.
His piece de resistance? Himself.
I made a four-inch figure of myself para kasama
ko yung mga figures ko. The head comes from Obi
Wan Kenobi, ginawa kong mukha ko. Other parts
came from GI Joe. I painted my favorite shirt on it,
kaya malalaman ng mga tao na ako yun! FH M
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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 73

Tokyo Bike

Theres a picture here of


another bike, lower right.
(Fuse 650, 54,500) Its
sporty. You could buy
that instead, but we say
get a Tokyo Bike. Why?
Because it has bullet
headlights and a bell.
Has fine English leather
saddles that go with a
stylish bag. Overall, it has
that hip retro look. Which
means it doesnt require
you to wear lycra shorts
that flaunt your nuts.
Which means when girls
stare at you, its because
of the bike, `not your nuts.
They will want to ride
it. Youll let them. Youll
assist them. Score!

Tokyo Bike Single


Speed P53,999,
Maximus Athletes
Shop Cafe

74 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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FHM

G I F T
Y O U R S E L F
W I T H
S O M E T H I N G
D I F F E R E N T.
TH A T
M E A N S
N O T
A N O T H E R
P H O N E !

WOR D S

F H M

T E A M

PH OTOG RAPHY

MA R K

J E SA LVA

PS4 Pro and PS VR

4K hasnt unseated 1080p yet, but the bar of entry


has dropped quite a bit this 2016. Naysayers will
say, Theres no need to go 4K yet! But once youve
actually gamed at 4K youll realize theyve been talking
through gritted teeth. Get your 4K-ready PS4 Pro now
and get the PS VR while youre at it because would
you rather be known as that rational guy or someone
ahead of the curve?

Both for P22,900, Sony Stores

76 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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FHM

STAR WARS Death


Star

One look at a LEGO


model as majestic as
the STAR WARS Death
Star drives the point
even further that toys
arent being produced
for kids anymore. We
mean, what kind of child
has the moolah and
patience to assemble this
3000-piece master craft?
According to Atty. TL
Guanzon of PinoyLUG,
not only does the set look
awesome, the playability
of this thing provides
hours of entertainment
past building it.

P24,850 + shipping,
shop.lego.com

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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 77

FHM

Restored VW Kubelwagen

Got a weakness for vintage European cars, trucks,


and jeeps? This former military vehicle belonged to
the fleet of VW military vehicles built during World
War II. But look at it now: no signs of battle weariness.
The restoration magic was done by Jules Chanco. He
specializes on restoring European cars.

Visit Macsport Auto Shop at 83 Gen. Segundo


St., Heroes Hill, Quezon City

78 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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Breville Barista
Express

Making your morning


drink using this semiautomatic espresso
machine will definitely
label you as a coffee
elitist. But who cares?
Its built-in grinder has
16-grind settings (from
fine to coarse); its milkfrothing apparatus takes
just 30 seconds to come
up to steam for your
cup of cappuccino; its
easy to use and clean
because its manual is not
in Russian and it comes
with its own cleaning
tools; and it even has a
cup-warming surface that
pre-heats your coffee
mug. With a machine like
this at homewhich isnt
bad on the eyes, either
youll never want to get
coffee anywhere else.

P39,990, True Value

Russian Beluga
Caviar

Most people dont realize


that if you eat like a
slob at the fancy dinner
parties youll be hosting
then it wont matter
how classy you look.
Level up your horderves
by serving up some
stergeon beluga black
gold caviar and serve it
up on some healthy yet
flavorful ampalaya chips
for that local flavor. They
say if you eat the caviar
properly, you can taste 15
different flavors from a
single egg, ranging from
buttery to fruity.

P32,000 per 50 grams,


caviarexpress.com

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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 79

FHM

Fitbit Blaze and


Fitbit Charge 2

If youre spoiling yourself


with smart tech wearables
this season, at least be
smart about it. After all,
these stuff are worth a
good bucks.
Now Fitbit has been at
the market for a while, but
what gives these two the
extra oomph? On-screen
workouts for the Blaze,
Guided Breather Seassions
for Charge 2, PurePulse
Heart Rate and Multi-Sport
Tracking for both, among
other things.

Charge 2, P8,490;
Blaze, P9,999, Digital
Walker
80 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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Vans Limited Editions

Getting yourself a pair of shoes is almost a given this


Christmas. But going all-in and splurging on a limited
edition pair? Not guaranteed. We say just give in to
your desires and chase after the one-offs rather than
contenting yourself with the vanilla model.

Old Skool Pro 50th Anniversary, P3,498; Full


Cab Pro 50th Anniversary, P4,498; Old Skool DX
Veggie Leather, P4,698, Vans stores
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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 81

DOING
WORK
P H OTO G R A P HY: K E V I N C AYU C A
W O R D S : A S H M A H I N AY
ST Y l I N G: B A Dj G E N ATO
H A I R S T Yl I N G: M A R A A S H I D A
M A K E U P : j A N I N A D I z O N A N D V A N E S S A E STO R-S A lV A D O R
S H OT O N l O C ATI O N AT TH E C IT Y C l U B AT A l P H A l A N D P l A C E M A K AT I

K EY T R A JAN O

2 0 16 S P O N S O R BAB E S

84 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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HUSTlE
If hard work or effort arent
quite the words to describe your
relentless drive for glory, gains,
and general self-improvement this
2016, we suggest using the term
aboveaptly demoed by the finest
babes of our red-carpet sponsors
sweating it out at the super sleek
hustle facilities of The City Club.
Is there anything more beautiful
and, at the same time, intimidating
than a modern girl squad? They
wont beat you up, but if you arent
playing on their level, then forget
about it.
A real hustler (like you) needs a
dependable kit of course, and this
squad right here has your back:
Rogin-E to keep you going at one
hundred percent, RRJ for your
post-lift attire, Tanduay for the
pick me up, Blackwater Women
for the classy lady in your life, and
of course, Okamotos tough and
flexible line to protect your neck
when things get frisky.
Now its time to do some work.

c H E E N E E AlFO N S O

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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 85

2 0 16 S P O N S O R BAB E S

86 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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AI R A SANT IAG O

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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 87

2 0 16 S P O N S O R BAB E S

88 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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l H E A B E R NA R D I N O

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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 89

2 0 16 S P O N S O R BAB E S

K AR E N AM RY

90 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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G R Ac I E Q U I Z O N

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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 91

2 0 16 S P O N S O R BAB E S

E M Al M A Z AN

92 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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MASTE R
YO U R L O O K
Edited by ASH MAHINAY
mikeyashlie.mahinay@
summitmedia.com.ph

Seeking guidance
at t h e e n d o f a
crazy year?
Well even
you r zodiac
haS changed
a p p a r e n t ly.
hereS our guide
to acknoWle dg i ng
you r n eW
S ta r b o u n d
deStiny

an d hoW to dr e SS

SIGNS
a c c o r d i n g ly

illustrations: WARREN ESPEJO & JOHN LAURENCE PATULAN


photography: DAIRY DARILAG
styling: DEBRA BERNALES
model: BRYAN DELROSARIO

CANCER

(July 20 to August 10)


Moody, possibly a mothers boy
Shirt, Iron and Resin, P4,999.75
Cap, Stoked P599.75

PISCES

Chill, creative
(March 11 to April 18)
Tanktop, Forever21 Men, P805; Nike SB, P4,036
Jacket, Fred Perry

LEO

CAPRICORN

Wants to rule the world


(August 10 to September 16)
Tee, Ripcurl P2,099.75

Hard worker, occasional tito


(January 20 to February 16)
Polo, Ripcurl, P2,799.75; Denim shorts, Lee Pipes, P699
Nike SB Stefan Janoski, P5,074

GEMINI

LIBRA

Two-faced...or adaptable
(June 21 to July 20)
Cap, Deus P1,699.75; Polo, Ripcurl, P2,599.75
Nike SB, P5,405

Crazy
(October 30 to November 23)
Polo, Vurve; Denim Jacket, Levis

AQUARIUS

ARIES

Independent, hippie
(May 13 to June 21)
Bandanna, Iron and Resin, P1,249.75, Shorts, Stoked, P2,699.75
Tank, Stoked, P1,199.75

Likes to butt heads


April 18 to May 13)
Polo, Banana Republic

SCORPIO

OPHIUCHUS

Loves human interaction


(November 23 to November 29)
Tee, Ripcurl P2,099.75;
Shorts, H&M, P999; Nike SB, P4,786

Glitzy
(September 16 to October 30)
Tank, Ripcurl, P1,699.75; Nike SB, P5,167
Jacket, Stylists own

TAURUS

Lazy, materialistic
(May 13 to June 21)
Tee, Ripcurl, P2,499.75

SAGITTARIUS

Player, optimistic
(December 17 to January 20)
Suit, H&M; Shirt, Ripcurl, P2,599.75

VIRGO

Clean freak, realistic


(September 16 to October 30)
Shirt, H&M; Tee, Pull & Bear; Shorts, Bhig Buda, P1,959

LIFE ON THE
U PSWI NG
Edited by CECILE JUSI-BALTASAR
cecilejbaltasar@gmail.com

CHILI
HEADS
UNITE!
A gAggle of pepper crAzies hAve decided to bAnd
together And grow their own hot stAsh
w o r d s : c h i s e A l c A n tA r A

102 FH M DECEMBER 2016

p h oto g r A p h Y: J o n At h A n b A l d o n A d o

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T w o y e a r s a g o , s e v e n f r i e n d s w h o a l s o h a p p e n e d To b e c h i l i
e n T h u s i a sT s s Ta r Te d a fa c e b o o k g r o u p c a l l e d c h i l l i h e a d s p h i l i p p i n e s.
T h e i r a i m w a s j u s T To Ta l k a b o uT a n d g r o w c h i l i. T w o ye a r s a n d Th r e e
c h i l i f e sT i v a l s l aTe r , o n ly o n e o f T h e s e v e n f r i e n d s i s sTi l l a c T i v e i n
T h e c h i l l i h e a d s . b u T h e s s Ti l l m o r e Th a n h a p p y To s h a r e h i s T h o u g hT s
o n c h i l i. a f Te r a l l , h e r e g u l a r ly d o e s Th aT w i Th h i s 5 ,5 0 0 n e w f r i e n d s
f r o m a l l o v e r Th e p h i l i p p i n e s a n d f r o m a b r o a d a l l b r o u g hT To g e T h e r
by T h e i r l o v e f o r a s i n g l e h o T p l a nT.
The man were talking about is Ponchit
Ponce Enrile, or Kuya Chili to his
Chillihead friends. To say he likes plants
is an understatement. When I joined the
Chilliheads, I was already a [member] of
many other gardening groups like Native
Fruit Trees and the Philippine Fruit Council,
Enrile says.
Eventually, the Chilliheads gained
more members because we kept sharing
our [Facebook] posts with other gardening
groups, he continues. But I noticed that
even though the likes on our posts were
increasing, no one was actually growing any
chillies. I thought, Whats the point of having
a chili group if we dont plant anything? So
I imported seeds myself and sold them to
our members at a good price. After that,
everyone suddenly wanted to start growing
their own chilies, recalls Enrile.
We never really expected it to become
this big, he says. Every year, attendance at
the chili festival increases. Their third and
most recent one took place just last October
in the Green Daisy Compound located along
Maginhawa Street, Teachers Village, Quezon
City. Plants and greens scaled the walls
of the gazebo where stalls of bottled chili
sauces, honey, and pods were all lined up for
eager customers.
Certainly, demand for chili has shot
up. I dont sell seeds anymore since the
community learned how to buy seeds for

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themselves. All they needed was someone


to initiate everything, explains Enrile. Our
members post their sprouts on international
planting groups [sites] and most foreigners
are impressed with what our members have
planted. Some of them even send seeds over
kasi sobra silang natuwa sa sprouts namin.

Its a mans world


Its not easy growing chili. I think thats what
attracts men so much to this hobby. When
you think about it, chilies are a very macho
plant to grow, says Enrile. Most members
of Chilliheads Philippines are predominantly
middle-aged men. Thats why every festival
looks like a very green inuman session with
the hottest plate of pulutan youll ever seea
hundred raw pieces of siling labuyo.
The Chilliheads usually sponsor various
contests at their festivals. One of the most
anticipatedand potentially painful onesis
the Labuyo 100. For this, the contestants
must consume a hundred pieces of raw siling
labuyo without drinking anything from the
start of the contest until 15 minutes after
they finish.
Men, especially foreigners, treat
chili-eating as an extreme sport. They love
the feeling of accomplishing something
challenging and chili is one of the most
difficult things to eat,
says Enrile.
Growing it, however, is
an entirely different story.
Every chili has different
needs. You must know
what type of sunlight,
soil, water it likes. Chili is
not like other plants that
you can just throw on
the ground and expect to
grow. There are always
minute differences in
growing chili. Every
grower has their own way
of doing things and the
macho Pinoy loves that.
What chili growers
love even more is that
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they actually have some control over how


hot their chilies turn out. They even use the
Scoville scalewhich measures the hotness
level of a chili (or anything derived from
chilies) in Scoville Heat Units, or SHUto
rate their chilies.
Different growers prefer different levels
of heat, says Enrile. The hottest pepper that
is naturally grown is the Carolina Reaper, its
about 2,200,000 SHUs but no one wants to
eat that because its not just about the heat.
With that said, every grower still wants to
grow the hottest chilies but its more [to get]
just bragging rights, explains Enrile.
So how do you make the hottest chilies?
The more stressed a chili plant is, the hotter
its chilies become. You can deprive it of
water, cut off its leaves, etc., just as long as
you dont kill it, explains Enrile. But before
you start growing ghost peppers by the truck,
it is important to consider if there are even
people who are willing to buy themif youre
in it for the money, of course.
Hotter chilies are more popular in the
US than in the Philippines. Filipinos like hot
chilies but only those they can still enjoy
without feeling pain, says Enrile. Even hot
sauce companies like making the type of hot
sauce youd want to use every day so youd
buy more. I think the threshold for Filipino
taste is roughly around 300,000 SHU.
Chilies above 300,000 SHU are
commonly called by enthusiasts as
superhots. The habanero, a crowd favorite
at the Chillihead festival, is described by
most members as flavorful while packing
just enough heat. Our local siling labuyo
measures up to about 60,000-100,000
SHU. This is not to be confused with the
Taiwan pepper, a milder (6,000-10,000
SHU), lengthier chili that is heavily imported
by the Philippines. It is this pepper that diners
usually get to try at Philippine fast food
restaurants. They are easier to grow and
look very pretty, notes Enrile.
What makes chilies a pleasure to eat
is capsaicin (a chemical that induces the
burning sensation). While there are no real
side effects to eating superhots, the proper
way of eating them is to chew and swallow
properly; I cannot stress this enough, says
Enrile. People come and try to eat our chilies
DECEMBER 2016 FH M 103

and start a coughing fit that could damage


their esophagus. Dont drink water as well
because it sometimes makes the heat spread
through your mouth. Try drinking milk, yogurt
drinks, and eat sweet things because they
break up the capsaicin, advises Enrile.

Many chili heads


are better than one
Even if were just a Facebook group, the
community is tight. We dont have a president
even though they made me the de facto
leader. I dont like mixing up politics with
this. Once you elect a president and other
officers, the government might get in the way
of our hobby. The best part about this group
being just a group of friends is that anyone
can come here and let [everything] be just
about the chili, says Enrile.
They meet once a monthevery third
Sundayto eat, drink, and talk about chilies.
Its basically a club. Before the group was
established, everyone thought that they were
the only ones growing chili. We knew a lot
less about what we were doing. A lot of trial
and error was involved, Enrile recalls.
The members of the Chilliheads group
regularly post the progress theyre making
with their plants so most people learn from
each others mistakes and successes. While
theres still a lot of trial and error, the process is
much easier and well-documented now. All the
knowledge we learn, we share with the group.
There are no secrets here. If we find a way to
make our chilies grow better, then it benefits
the whole community because it just helps
chilies become more popular, says Enrile.
The camaraderie even extends outside
the group. Farmers from all over the
Philippines come to Manila to get advice
from the group on how to take care of their
own chili plants. Just today, two farmers
asked what to do with their sick crops. I told
them to pull them all out since itll cost even
more just to salvage what they had to work
with. When youve been a part of the group
this long these types of things become
common knowledge [with the members],
says Enrile.
Helping out local farmers is one of the
main advocacies of the Chilliheads. Enrile
has retired from managing farms and now
just helps small-time farmers by giving them
recommendations and lectures on how to
grow crops. He also acts as a consultant for
bigger companies here in Manila and abroad.
Kapag small farmers, libre lang ang konsulta.
Pag malaki (ang company) syempre may
bayad, laughs Enrile.

The chilliconomy

CHILI METER
How Painful woulD it BE
to Eat tHEsE CHiliEs?
this is the
closest thing
to setting
the inside of
our bodies
on fire. the
burning
sensation
could last up
to ten hours.

Carolina
Reaper
1,000,000
2,2 00,000 s h u
its called a
ghost pepper
because once
you let this
pass, itll feel
like your soul
leaving your
body and
entering the
fiery bowels
of hell.

Ghost
Pepper
8 5 5,000
1,04 1,472 s h u
dont be
fooled by
its colorful
appearance
and sweet
taste because
the heat will
knock you
straight out
when you
least expect
it.

Habanero
Chili
100,000
3 5 0,000 s h u

small and
not terrible at
all. its spice
hits like a
quick slap
to the face
by a girl you
accidentally
called fat
when you
were drunk.

Siling
L abuyo
6 0,000
100,000 s h u

take a shot of
that tabasco
sauce and
mutiply that
ten times
more and feel
that smooth,
smooth liquid
fire slide
down your
throat. lakas
tama.

Tabasco
Pepper
3 0,000
5 0,000 s h u

it kind of
feel like your
little brother
punching
your arm, you
wont feels
it at first but
do it long
enough and
anything will
eventually
sting.

Jalapeo
3,5 00
10,000 s h u

You can eat


a hundred of
these without
breaking a
sweat. next
please.

B ell
Pepper
0 shu

There are so many types of chilies but you


almost always see nothing but bell peppers and

104 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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Taiwan peppers in supermarkets, says Jhong


Hadloc, a long-time member of the Chilliheads.
Here [in the festival], youll see chilies of every
color, shape, and sizeeach with their own
deformity, which makes them unique.
No wonder, then, that people from all
over the Philippines come to the Chilliheads
festival to sample and buy chilis. Its very
hard to find people selling pods since only
a few farmers grow them. Were currently
negotiating with local farmers to buy 10
hectares worth of their chili harvest. We
provide them rare seeds, teach them how to
grow [these], and buy the [chilis] at a good
price, says Hadloc. Ang problema kasi
sa ibang farmers, madalas kapag hindi ka
kakilala, di ka bebentahan.
The unfortunate thing about mainstream
chilies is that harvest time greatly affects
their value. The Taiwan chilies you see in
the market during this season could go up to
P200 per kilo. But they go as low as P30 per
kilo in the summer. To make enough profit,
most people grow chilies mid-summer. This
way, they can harvest just a little after the
chili season when [the chilies] are too cheap
to sell but not too late that theyll get ruined
by the rainy season, explains Enrile.
The Chilliheads admit to local farmers
that its true that rare chilies are more of an
investment to grow than the more convenient
Taiwan chilies. But the returns of selling
these rare chilies more than make up for the
added effort because their value doesnt go
down depending on the season theyre sold
in. Superhots can be sold for P350-P500 all
year round. The typhoon season is a good
time to sell Taiwan chilies, when other chilies
are scarce due to typhoons hitting northern
Philippines. But then youre only making
money from the misery of others, says Enrile.
Making your chilies competitive in the
eyes of potential buyers is what separates
growers that are able to sell their product
consistently and growers that let their crops
go to waste. When growing good chili, you
have to consider four things: its flavor, heat,
taste, and shelf life. If you grow chilies well,
they can last in the refrigerator for two
weeks. Chilies that are not well-made last
less than a week, notes Enrile.
Farmers should also take into
consideration how their chilies look like
because they can sell [the ones that look
good] at a higher price, Enrile adds. While
deformed chilies dont change in taste, hotels
and restaurants are in dire need of different
kinds of chilies. Though what they usually
want are the good-looking chilies, which are
not readily available at supermarkets now.

The market for


hot stuff
There is an untapped market for
superhots that many people havent
discovered yet.

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which is the chili we use for the Garapal,


Yenko says. Most hot sauces you see in the
groceries are made from imported Taiwan
peppers. We try to buy from Philippine
farmers as much as we can so theyll want to
keep on growing chilies for us.
But it isnt just hot sauces that use
chilies, as many hipster chefs would note.
Mainstream companies also appreciate this
hot crop. For instance: Magnolias chili ice
cream and Cadburys chili chocolate. Its no
surprise that up-and-coming businesses are
also clamoring to share their own unique
chili-based creations. For one, the chili and
honey wine concoction developed by Luke
Macababbad of Dielles Apiary and Meadery
isnt far off from becoming a niche favorite.
My inspiration to make the wine actually
came from when I first sold at the Chilli
festival. I was embarrassed when I found
out that I was one of the few vendors selling
products that werent made with chili. Good
thing that I just happened to sit next to Sir
Ponchit. I asked for a few habaneros, I sliced
them up, and I put them inside the bottles of
wine and magically, okay yung dating, says
Macababbad.
The chili industry is definitely becoming
hot right now, but no one would believe that
all of this was set into motion by a group of
friends who shared a common interest. The
thing about chili is it naturally makes you
happy when you eat it. It makes you release
endorphins, ironically enough, because of
the pain the heat is causing your body. So
I guess, people who welcome pain become
happy in the end, says Enrile. Its true what
they say, then: when people put enough
passion into something they love, humble
sprouts could grow so much taller. FH M

Selling our chilies to big hot sauce


companies benefits both sides because we
get to sell our crops and they get to use
less chili to make hotter and more flavorful
sauces. Compare habaneros 350,000 SHU
to Taiwan chilies 10,000 SHU. Ours is 35
times hotter, says Enrile.
Justin Yenko, creator of the hot sauce
lines Bad Boy Tikboy and Garapal started
his business because he saw the plants
potential to go mainstream. Before the
Chilliheads got this big, a few individuals like
Tito Ponchit were already planting here and
there. He sometimes gave me seeds before
selling them, says Yenko.
Yenkos hot sauce, Garapal, is scheduled
to be sold in a few major grocery stores in
the first quarter of next year. Its one of our
advocacies to save the Philippine labuyo,
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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 105

Boost
H E A L T H

ChemiCals have nothing over


the adrenaline rush that is
your life

TH E DR UG

M e t h a M p h e ta M i n e
(s h a b u)

Marijuana

CoCaine

MDMa
M e t hy l e n e
(e C s ta sy )

106 FH M DECEMBER 2016

TH E E FFECT

TH E ALTE R NATIVE

You are wide awake for long hours as a


result of the increase in the amount of
dopamine, one of the neurotransmitters
in the brain. Shabus ability to discharge
dopamine quickly in the brain produces
the elated rush. Your energy becomes
boundless so you dont feel the need to eat
or drink anything which can result in weight
loss later on. According to Reyes, meth has
the scariest effects among all illegal drugs
because it causes immediate mental health
issues. In short: literal na nakakabaliw.

You want to stay awake? Take


Red Bull while watching a
marathon of Breaking Bad.
Walter Whites messed up life
will keep you rooted to your
couch while inspiring you to get
your shit together.

Cannabis has cannabinoids or chemical


compounds that also affect the levels of
dopamine in the brain, which typically results
in a sense of relaxation. Sounds sweet,
right? But its actually not a pretty picture.
It makes your eyes look groggy (no girl
wants a bulldog-looking guy for a boyfriend,
FYI), causes red blotches to appear on your
skin, and weakens your instincts. And dont
forget: its a hallucinogen. Repeat after us:
You cant fly.

If all you want is to feel relaxed,


youve got lots of digital music
service apps that have endless
playlists of songs to soothe
your mind. Lock yourself in your
room and listen to good music.
Spotifys Chill Vibes playlist gets
the job done. Also, if you want
to get even more out of it, we
recommend John Legend and
Marvin Gaye. For a more blues
feel, pop in Eric Claptons vintage
Reptile album.

The effects of cocaine are almost the


same with meths. In a snap, you'll feel
extra euphoric as the happy hormones are
instantly triggered to accumulate in the
synapse which then amplify the signal to
the neurons. It makes you want to scream
Sleep is for the weak! because, really, the
word sleep is suddenly erased from your
vocabulary upon use of cocaine. It also
causes addiction, and fast.

There are plenty of aerial sports


such as skydiving and paragliding
in many parts of the country that
will definitely wake up even your
sleepy soul. And bro, when you
say that youve done an aerial
sport, we bet a girl would notice.
Consider it dagdag-pogi points.
Try paragliding with Airsports
Adventure Philippines. The
adrenaline rush youll get from it
will be so worth the ride.

Ecstasy prompts the release of


neurotransmitters such as serotonin
a.k.a. the happy hormone. Not only will it
disintegrate all the worries in your lifeit
will also trigger emotional warmth and
empathetic tendencies, however temporary
they may be. Ecstasy makes you feel
you are the star of the night. It makes
you wrongly think, Wow, close kaming
lahat! What you dont notice is your body
temperature increasing steadily until, when
your body cant take any more, you collapse.

Start a new hobby. No, seriously.


Toy collection is a fantastic
example. You can join online
communities of toy collectors
who regularly organize meet-ups
and even conventions to show
off their most prized possessions.
Being in the company of people
who have the same interests as
you do gives an authentic high
that no chemical can match.

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WORDS: JUJU BALUYOT | ILLUSTRATIONS: BORG SIBANAN

The real high

Dangerous Drugs Board Secretary Benjamin Reyes says that according to a survey
that the board conducted last year, there are 1.8 million users of illegal drugs recorded
in 2015thats approximately 2.3 percent of the countrys population. Whats alarming
is that the youth sector (30 years old and below) comprises a third of the mentioned
figure. Its a 50-billion-peso industry yang kalaban natin, says Reyes.
So were here to try to give you your personal rehab sessionif you need
one, that is. The four commonly confiscated illegal drugs, according to Reyes, are
methamphetamine, marijuana, cocaine, and ecstasy. We found other ways to get the
high these drugs give, but without the ugly side effects. Shall we go tripping?

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NOW YOU CAN


TAKE THE
BABES
EVERYWHERE
YOU GO!

BRING OUT
THE SWAG
Theres something about having good hair day
that adds an extra swag to your step. After all,
how you look affects how you feel and vice
versa. No wonder a well-styled head of hair
makes you look and feel in control. But there
are just days your hair needs a little help.
For sub-par hair days, you can always take the
time to spiff it up with style. Sure, it takes some
effort, but is pretty simple. Start with picking
a look you want to achieve. Ask yourself, how
much hold does your hair need? Do you want it
looking shiny and sleek? What product will do
the trick?
If youre going for a sleek look with a little but
of shine and going for maximum hold, taking
the gel route is a no-brainer. Apply gel on
towel-dried hair to get best results. Make sure
to get the good kind. You dont want to end up
having gunk cemented to your head.
Now get out and beat bad hair days and
#BringOutTheSwag with Stylex Styling Gel.

Download the
app now!
*Powered by

. You can access

using

the account you create for the FHM App.

Boost

Get it all
together
This is how The
Volkswagen golf has
consisTenTly sTayed as
europes no. 1 car for
years
words: allan p. hernandeZ

108 FH M DECEMBER 2016

The Volkswagen Golf has been Europes


favorite car for the last eight years. Going
further back, it has been shown that ever
since the car debuted in 1974, the Golf has
steadily endeared itself to the European
car-buying public. They were taken by its
style, performance, and reliability, making it a
true car for the masses in the way VW had
envisioned the Beetle to be.
You can probably sense we only Googled
that.
Truth is, we dont know jack shit about the
Golf. Weve only ever had a real appreciation
of the car when it was launched just last
April; the Volkswagen Philippines Group,
owned by the Ayalas, only set up shop in
2013. Sure, we know VW, but still mostly due
to Beetle nostalgia.
So it would hardly be our fault if we dont
take to the Golf as wildly as the Europeans
have (Or for the other VW vehicles currently
on sale here, since we dont see many of

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them on our roads yet.) We are still sold on


the Japanese makes, although owning that
first European carone that says youre now
into finer things, having moved up in the
worldis always an aspiration. Its a milestone
that VW Philippines is keen to fulfill.
Perhaps working, too, against the Golf is
that we arent as enamored with a hatchback
as an all-rounder; sedans are generally the
preferred choice. Obviously, the Europeans
dont think so. Its also from them that we get
the idea of a very desirable hot hatch, which
is what the faster GTI version of the Golf is.
So to understand Europes love affair
with the Golf, we asked an Englishman to
enlighten us. Chris Mooney was a colleague
at FHM UK who now works at BBC
Worldwide. He says:
There's a good phrase that they use at
Top Gear [which is owned by BBC]: Whatever
new car youre looking for, the answer is
almost always a VW Golf. Its like the ultimate

www.fhm.com.ph

M OTOR
ediTed By

AllAN P. HERNANDEZ
allan.hernandez
@summitmedia.com.ph

Volkswagen
Golf
RIDES lIkE

it will never
fall apart. Build
quality is a+

FEElS lIkE

confidence has
always been your
game

lOOkS lIkE

architecture
rather than
automobile.
Think Bauhaus

BUY AT

p1,590,000-p1,790,000

First off, it did not have tartan seats. That


is reserved for the GTI. Instead we had posh
Vienna leather seats.
Was it fun to drive? Yes, it was. But more
than thatand we think youll find this detail
more importantthe first thing youll notice
is that the car gives you confidence. Not in
yourselfbecause if youre already choosing
to drive a car like the Golf, you should already
be sure of who you arebut about the car.
The Golf is solidly built that you immediately
feel nothing will fall apart in the car even as you
go well past the speed limit. Everything feels
so together, no rattling of any sort, and the car
just sets itself down the road with unrelenting
focus. This is where VWs vaunted German
engineering really comes to fore.
Now, about the Golfs looks not quite
reaching great-looking levels. We think our
English resource persons assessment stems
from the car not being loudly styled. Honestly,
when we look at the Golf, we dont think
automobiles. We think architecture. We are
reminded of Bauhaus, the International Style,
form and function, minimalism. Its as though
the Golf was designed with as few as five
lines on paper. And if you care to look at it
from the side, please direct your attention to
the rear profile, where the gas lid is. Stare at
the angles, the symmetry of it. You cant get
any more German than that. The Golf doesnt
look like an insect, the way a Japanese car
would. It looks like a car. It blends in while
standing out.
Is it reliable and practical? Lets see:
520+kilometers on a full 50-liter gasoline
tank? Yes. Generous space for four adults?
Yes. Tastefully designed interiors? Yes.
Responsive engine? Yes. Safe? With the kind
of build it has, definitely yes.
So, can we agree with Europe that the
Golf is the best all-rounder? Yes.

all-rounder: fun to drive, reliable, practical,


good-looking (rather than great-looking).
Plus, the Golf GTI and Golf R are iconic
hot hatches that are about as fast as you
ever need in the real world. The competition
keeps trying to make a better car (Honda
Civic, Renault Clio, Seat Ibiza, Audi A3 etc)
but they have still never quite managed it.
Does Mooney own a Golf?
I had a Golf GTI years ago and I
regretted selling it. Cool tartan seats.
Tartan seatsif you can use the word
idiosyncratic, you deserve seats like that.
Figuring Mooneys opinion reflects
Europes general view of the Golf, we
assessed our driving experience of the car
following his lead.
We had the 1.4 DSG Highline with the
following specs: 4 cylinder in-line turbo
fuel-injected gas engine; 150 horses and
250 Nm of torque; 0-100 km in 8.2 secs;
216 kph top speed.

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DECEMBER 2016 FH M 109

Stocking Stuffers!

for every person on your Christmas shopping list!

Available in bookstores, newsstands, and convenience stores


@summitbooks

@summit.books

B O O K E N D E R

The grinch who lost Christmas


Just you wait, little kids who adore the holiday season. Just you wait
WORDS Anne MAri ronquillo

On Christmas, Jose Mari Chan is king. This would be


fine if Christmas in the Philippines didnt actually last for
three months.
Between the family reunions and the office parties,
the Christmas season doesnt leave you a lot of time for
yourselfunless you use your time sitting in traffic for introspection
and spiritual enrichment (i.e., prayer).
This signature Philippine Christmas grind is something most of us
did not choose, but were born into. Its tradition, they say. Part of the
Pinoy charm, so to speak. Really? In those months leading up to the
most wonderful time of the year for young uns who know not of the
adult struggle, weve come to accept that snatchers snatch just a bit
more often. After all, criminals also want their Christmas bonus.
Its a religious holiday gone wild. Shopping is at an all-time high
and the malls stay open til midnight. Business is good because the
season of giving puts tremendous pressure on anyone who ever
agreed to be a godparent. Gift-wrapping stations will give you a
whopping three-hour waiting time just for that pathetic last-minute
Monito-Monita gift. The tree-hugger in you cringes every time a gift
is wrapped. Paper. Paper everywhere!
And you curse under your breath as you wonder why this
K-Palette eyebrow pencil is on every girls wishlist.
The annoying fa-la-las have even invaded the Internet. When
people on Facebook start posting the exact same Love, Actually
memes (To me you are perfect), you roll your eyes all the way
back to August. Every year, you are reminded of how much they love
the film and every year, you recoil in disgust.
112 FH M DECEMBER 2016

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And all Mary wanted was just to find a place to give birth in.
Us Pinoys are not big on referencing Dr. Seuss Grinch, so in your
reflections, you are simply a KJ. But are you, really? Are you the
instrument sent by the opposite of God to kill the Christmas buzz?
You used to love Christmas, remember?
The year-end holidays were great when you were still young and
on the receiving end of aguinaldo-loaded Christmas cards. Perhaps
you felt the joy more when you sang carols and received change from
your kind neighbors. (Todays unbelievably rude generation of children
carolers flip the bird when they get anything less than P20 for their
warbling carols.) Maybe you liked it better when Santa was real.
Oh, have you heard? People sell fake Christmas lights.
While were on the subject, one question must be asked. Why
must everyone schedule their reunions the week before the 25th?
You have no choice but to double-bookyou leave one bash early
and rush, late, to anotherall to make an appearance and ensure
that you are taggable in the group photo. Two hours of traffic for 15
minutes of pleasantries just because yearly gatherings always seem
to fall on Christmas. Why cant we hang out in June?
And why cant they sell puto bumbong on the sidewalk all year
round? If they did, maybe youd go to church more.
All this has, at least, clarified one thing: Family reunions exist so
you could sit in a corner and stare at your phone. And while you do
that, in your peripheral vision, you see a group of children playing
with their presents together. That reminds you of 15 years ago, when
Christmas meant family, food, and games before traffic, peer pressure,
and stress. If only these little rascals knew what theyre in for. FHM

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