JANUARY 2017

THIS MONTHS WEATHER

FREE

FIND US AT

IN EVERY ISSUE

COSTAMBAR
Jennys Market
El Carey Bar & Restaurant
Costambar Library
Pedros Bar & Restaurant
La Otra
Loase/Sams Bar
PUERTO PLATA
Big Lees Beach Bar
Tropical Bar
Supermercado Jose Luis (27 de

What To Do This Month

Definitely Not The News
The Rainy Day Page
Useful Telephone Numbers
Classified Ads
And Lots More Fun Stuff!

FULL MOON

Photo Courtesy of Lise

JAN 12

BE SURE TO CHECK OUT!

Page 4 - Snapping his suspenders!
Page 5 - New retirement plan!
Page 7 - The cats out of the bag!
Page 13 - Marketing 101!
Page 19 - Results matter!

febrero)

RUSA Money Exchange

Meeting Place
LAS ROCAS
Los Tres Cocos
COFRESI
Ocean World Marina

A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER

IS A DAY WASTED
JAN 6

PECULIAR
PEOPLE
DAY

JAN
10

JAN 20

Costambar Monthly page 2

WHAT TO DO THIS MONTH

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try
something different. Call 809-993-4503 for
details. Fine dining at its best!
Big Lees Beach Bar on the Malecon has
fantastic food at affordable prices! Amazing Fish
& Chips, big juicy burgers and yummy
sandwiches. Kitchen now open 9:30am to
11:00pm. Why not enjoy a meal with ocean
views and cool breezes!
Kevin & Patricia invite you to El Carey
Restaurant - where you can enjoy the beach
your way!! Every day from 5pm-7pm rum drinks
are RD$50 for Happy Hour!
Pedros Bar & Restaurant has a full menu
including Pedros Famous Cordon Bleu. Fridays
4-6pm they have cocktail specials. WIFI Zone!
Tropical Bar on the Malecon has over 20 types of
Belgian beer and 8 sports channels! A great
place to chill out and enjoy life! Karaoke with
JEPOLS every Friday night! The place for Belgian
& Dutch to hang out!
La Otra Bar has lots of specials! Happy Hour 57pm with 2 Dominican rum drinks for RD$100!!
Watch for surprise Happy Hours when Grande
Presidente or Bohemia is only RD$100! When?
Whenever they announce it - you have to be
there to know! Large bottle of Barcelo with 7up
RD$450. Large Barcelo Anejo with 7UP RD$500.
Bucket of 5 Coronas RD$550. Bucket of 5
Presidente pequenas RD$375. Also their Chivo
and Chivo Picante are only RD$500 a serving.
Sams Bar at Loase invite you to come enjoy a
great menu and a large list of available activities
including racquetball, swimming pool, billiards
and more! Now wheelchair accessible. Super
Bowl Sunday on February 5 - special menu, large

screen TV & no cover!

The Meeting Place starts January with a
presentation by Senator Jose Ignacio Paliza on
January 13th. On January 20th they will show
the film Sully. And on January 27th
representatives from CAPAS will discuss aid
efforts for those devastated by the recent
flooding. All events start at 4pm.

CHECK OUT OUR

EXCITING NEW WEBSITE!!
WWW.COSTAMBARMONTHLY.COM

AMBER COVE SCHEDULE

Costambar Monthly page 3

Open Every Day at 9am - 3rd caseta from La Sirena

Open Every Day

9 am to 11 pm
Serving Breakfast,
Lunch and Dinner

WISHING EVERYONE
A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Id tell you a chemisty
joke, but I know I
wouldnt get a reaction!

5-star rated on
Trip Advisor for #1 Bar
& top 10 restaurants
in Puerto Plata

bigleesbeachbar.com

ONLY FOR COSTAMBAR MONTHLY READERS!

O NLY US
EXPERIENCE A PREMIER
$65
CATAMARAN EXCURSION
AT A FANTASTIC PRICE!
A FULL DAY
OCEAN ADVENTURE
INCLUDING
TRANSPORTATION
FOOD & DRINKS
SNORKLING GEAR
FUN & RELAXATION

IF BOOKE
D THROU
GH
COSTAMB
AR MONT
HLY!

CONTACT CINDY
809-449-1820
809-970-7507
costambarmonthly
@gmail.com

Costambar Monthly page 4

El Carey

WELCOME TO
KEVIN & PATRICIAS EL CAREY
Where you can enjoy the beach your way!

WISHING YOU ALL A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

EVERY DAY 5-7pm!
Cuba/Santo Libres for RD$50
With Regular Rum or
Apple, Coconut & Pineapple Rum
With Coke or 7UP Only RD$50

The Best

in Town!

AVAILABLE FOR ALL TYPES OF EVENTS!

Calle Reina Isabel, Costambar, Puerto Plata
Spanish 809-918-1448 English 809-924-8233
CLOSED MONDAYS

MORE THAN 20 TYPES OF BELGIAN BEER!

8 SPORTS CHANNELS!
VARIETY OF FOOD & TAPAS!

THE PLACE TO BE IN PUERTO PLATA

FOR PEOPLE FROM BELGIUM & HOLLAND
TYPICAL BELGIAN & DUTCH
BEERS & SNACKS!

TropicalBarPOP

Check us out on

ON THE MALECON, CASETA #3, PUERTO PLATA

OPEN FROM 12PM. CLOSED TUESDAYS.

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100

years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and
asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'
The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a
million dollars! '
'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why
does it cost so much?'
'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!'
states the doctor proudly.
The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look
inside?'
'No problem,' replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and
looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the
old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right...
But I'll stick with my Moped!'
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides
to show the old man just what his car can do. He
floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer
reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his
rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be and
suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH! Something whips by
him going much faster!
'What on earth could be going faster than my
Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself. He presses
harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up
to 250 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man
on the Moped!
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he
gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275
mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his
mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors
the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up
to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing
down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and
there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his
Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably,
the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm
a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'
The old man whispers, 'Unhook my suspenders
from your side view mirror!'.

Costambar Monthly page 5

PEDROS

In front of Jennys
Open Monday-Saturday
10:30am-9pm
Closed
Sundays
Bar & Restaurant

Full Menu including

Pedros Famous Cordon Bleu!
Cocktail Specials Fridays from 4-6pm!
809-970-7786
As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our
ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at
these times that our hopes are boosted by the
remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who
have found the courage to take on challenges that
would make many of us wither.
Harold Schlumberg is such a person:
THIS IS QUOTED FROM HAROLD:
"I've often been asked, 'What do you do now that
you're retired?'
Well...
I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering
background and one of the things I enjoy most is
converting beer, wine and whiskey into urine. It's
rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling. I do it
every day and I really enjoy it."
Harold Is An Inspiration To Us All.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning.

t was a fine spring day in his new parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a
deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then
noticed there was . . . a donkey lying dead
in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called
the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might
I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father
O'Malley at St. Ann's Roman Catholic Church.
There's a donkey lying dead in me front lawn and
would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads
to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a
wit and recognizing the Irish accent, thought he
would have a little fun with the good father,
replied:
"Well now Father, it was always my impression
that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a moment ...
Father O'Malley then replied:
"Aye,' tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to
notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for
me call."

Costambar, Dominican Republic

www.loase.com jojovco@aol.com
809-970-7861 809-837-6845

ROOMS FOR RENT ON A

DAILY OR WEEKLY BASIS.
CALL JOSE 809-837-6845
OR LOASE 809-970-7861

Yennys Market

Racquetball
Handball
Pickleball
Billiards
Pool
Big Screen for
Sports Events
And More

*not to scale

Costambar
Entrance

Tues to Sat 11:30am-8pm

Sun 9am-4pm Closed Mondays
www.samsbardr.com
@SamsBarDR
CLOSED JANUARY 1ST & 2ND

MARK YOUR CALENDAR!

FEBRUARY 5TH @ 4PM
SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!
BIG SCREEN TV!
SPECIAL MENU!
NO COVER!
NOW WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE

Costambar Monthly page 6

809-970-7617 829-770-0661
NEW THIS MONTH!
BUCKETS OF BEER!!
5 CORONAS RD$550
5 PRESIDENTE RD$375
HORA LOCA!CRAZY HOUR!
GRANDE PRESIDENTE/BOHEMIA
FOR RD$100
WHEN? THATS THE SURPRISE!
NO ONE KNOWS UNTIL
ITS ANNOUNCED!
HAPPY HOUR 5PM-7PM
ANY DOMINICAN RUM
2 FOR RD$100
BIG BOTTLE OF BARCELO
WITH 7UP ONLY RD$450
BIG BOTTLE BARCELO AEJO
WITH 7UP ONLY RD$500
ALSO - CHIVO & CHIVO PICANTE
ONLY RD$500/SERVING
OPEN 8AM
DOMINICAN FOOD/COMIDA CRIOLLA!
IN FRONT OF JENNYS MARKET

IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD

DO IT WHILE YOU ARE SINGLE.
ONCE YOU ARE MARRIED YOU CANT
EVEN CHANGE THE TV CHANNEL!

A hotel guest calls the front

desk and the clerk asks, "May I
help you?"
The woman says, "Yes, I'm in
room 858. You need to send
someone to my room
immediately. I'm having an
argument with my husband
and he says he's going to
jump out the window."
The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry
ma'am, but that's a personal
matter."
The woman replies, "Listen
you idiot. The window won't
open. that's a maintenance
matter."

INTERNATIONAL GOURMET
CUISINE
&
AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

SUPPORT OUR ADVERTISERS!

THEY MAEKE
COSTAMBAR MONTHLY POSSIBLE!

Costambar Monthly page 7

We were dressed and ready to go out for a dinner

& theater evening. We turned on a 'night light',
turned the answering machine on, covered our pet
parrot and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned
the local taxi company and requested a cab.
The taxi arrived, and we opened the front door to
leave the house.
As we walked out the door, the cat we had put
out in the yard scooted back into the house. We
didn't want the cat shut in the house because she
always tries to get at the parrot. My wife walked
on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get
the cat.The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot
pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want
the driver to know that the house would be empty
for the night, so she explained to the taxi driver
that I would be out soon. "He's just going upstairs
to say good-by to my mother."
A few minutes later, I got into the cab.
"Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away.
"That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I
had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her
to come out. She tried to take off, so I grabbed her
by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket
to keep her from scratching me. But it worked, so I
hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the
backyard. She'd better not shit in the vegetable
garden again!"
The silence in the taxi was deafening.

Away Day Country Park

Los Campines
Maimon
Puerto Plata
809-973-4824
Come and Have a Day at
Away Day Country Park
Open daily 9:30 a.m. until 6:30 p.m.
Swimming Pool
Freshwater Plunge Pool and Water Feature
Childrens Paddling Pool & Playground
Adult and Childrens Mini Ziplines
Flower Gardens and Aviary
Paintball and Paintball Target Shooting
Sandpit * Trampoline
Bar Restaurant

Day pass Adults RD$50 Children RD$30

Day Pass including Food RD$350

Calle Juan Bosch #60, Puerto Plata

Info@MeetingPlacePuertoPlata.com
OPEN
11am-4pm
Tuesday - Friday

www.MeetingPlacePuertoPlata.com 829-455-6110

JANUARY 2017 BEGINS WITH A SPECIAL EVENT

Friday January 13th at 4:00 pm. A visit from Puerto Plata Senator,
Jose Ignacio Paliza. Senor Paliza studied International Business,
Policy, and Finance, at Georgetown, UPenn and Harvard, and has
a doctorate in Law from UNIBE. At 28, he was the youngest
member elected to Congress. Though from the opposition PRM,
he was chosen to represent the Senate on the Council that
appoints judges. The presentation and Q&A session will be
followed by a reception.
Friday January 20th at 4:00 pm. Sully, directed by Clint Eastwood.
Tom Hanks plays Captain Ches Sullenberger who, 8 years ago,
landed USAIR flight 1549 in the Hudson River, saving the lives of
155 passengers. Almost as stirring as the events themselves is
Sullys defence before the transportation board.
Friday January 27th at 4:00 pm. Representatives of CAPAS will tell
us with pictures and words about the organization of aid going to
people in the region devastated by the fall rains. CAPAS unites
efforts and channels contributions from public, private, social,
community,and religious associations into construction and repair
of housing, and distribution of clothing, food and medicines.

Costambar Monthly page 8

Two little old ladies, Connie & Evelyn, were sitting

on a park bench outside the local town hall where
a flower show was in progress. The short one,
Connie, leaned over and said, 'Life is so boring. We
never have any fun anymore. For $10.00 I'd take
my clothes off and streak through that stupid,
boring flower show!
'You're on!' said Evelyn, holding up a $10.00 bill.
So Connie slowly fumbled her way out of her
clothes. She grabbed a dried flower from a nearby
display and held it between her teeth. Then,
completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady
can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge
commotion inside the hall, followed by loud
applause and shrill whistling. Finally, the smiling
Connie came through the exit door surrounded by
a cheering, clapping crowd.
'What happened?' asked Evelyn.
'I won $1,000 as 1st prize for 'Best Dried
Arrangement.....

RD$2100 Includes Dental

RD$2500 with Drugs
Tuesday Jan 3 & Feb 7
Casa Mia, Malecon, Puerto Plata 5pm
Pedros Bar, Costambar 6:30pm
Or call Petra & Marcel Bahr
809-904-8535/809-543-2155
petra.bahr@yahoo.de

PROFESSIONAL MASSAGE
Therapeutic Massage
Sport Massage
Deep Tissue Massage
Trigger Point Massage
Lymph Massage/Drainage
Relaxation Massage
Laser Therapy

Now also massage in the beach from 10am-3pm.

Ton: Tuesday-Wednesday-Saturday

www.costambarmonthly.com

On the opening day at the new seniors complex,

the manager addressed all the new seniors
pointing out some of the rules:
The female sleeping quarters will be out-ofbounds for all males, and the male quarters to the
females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will
be fined $20 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule
the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of
$180. Are there any questions?"
An older gentleman stood up in the crowd and
inquired:"How much for a season pass?

Costambar Monthly page 9

Im not self medicating myself

with booze. The guy at the liquor
store wrote me a prescription.
Well, he called it a receipt .
Whatever!

I CAME. I SAW. I MADE A

SARCASTIC REMARK.

Costambar Monthly page 10

THE RAINY DAY PAGE

SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 12
SUDOKU PUZZLES
Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column
and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid.
The remaining letters spell a hidden message

EASY

MEDIUM

APPETIZERS
BABIES
BALLOONS
BANNERS
BUFFET
CELEBRATE
CHAMPAGNE
CONFETTI
DANCE
DAY ONE

DECORATIONS
END OF DECEMBER
EVENTS
FAMILY
FATHER TIME
FEAST
FESTIVITIES
FIREWORKS
FIRST OF JANUARY
FRIENDS

HATS
HOLIDAY
HORNS
KISS
MIDNIGHT
MUSIC
NEW YEARS DAY
NEW YEARS EVE
NOISEMAKERS
OCCASION

PARADES
PARTY
PUNCH
RESOLUTIONS
SINGING
STREAMERS
THIRTY FIRST
TIARAS
WINE
YEAR IN REVIEW

Across
1. Perspicacious
5. Inactivity
6. Idiom
7. Voter
Down
1. Scam
2. Foreword
3. Adjure
4. Quisling

Costambar Monthly page 11

CMS DEFINITELY NOT THE NEWS!

Because rumour, gossip, hearsay and anecdotes are just sooo much more fun!
ALL THE NEWS THAT ISNT THE NEWS!
While, thankfully, the torrential and damaging
rains of November eased up, December was still a
very rainy month. This wasnt very welcome
considering how soggy everything already was.
What was welcome was the days when the sun
came out, even if it was only for a short time.
And even more so when the sun stayed out for
more than one day at a time. Things are starting
to get back to normal. And high season is finally
kicking into gear.

Power outages were less frequent and seemed more to do with

mainitenance issues, probably due to the heavy rains of November. The
San Felipe planta seemed to be up and running again but CM did not
notice the usual plumes of black smoke normally accompanying this.
Does this mean they have taken measures to alleviate our pollution
Carnival Fantasy
problem?

While mosquito fogging was not evident during most of December, again
probably due to rains and an abundance of places that would need to be treated
due to the flooding, an early morning fogging did occur just before the end of
the month.

Not many days left to renew your licence/marbete. You have until January 6 2017. If
you didnt do it early you are likely to run into lengthy lines of other procrastinators.
The rates have gone up. It is now RD$1500 for a car older than five years - an increase
of RD$300. Cars 5 years old or newer now pay RD$3000 - an increase of RD$800.
Capt. Tims Imagine Project
I ran into Capt. Tim from Blackbeards last week and got an update on his
University Student Sponsor Project. His project matches university students with
sponsors who help pay the students tuition and transportation costs as well as
becoming a friend, mentor and advisor to their student. Captain Tim summarized
the projects efforts, We will hit our three year Mark in March and currently we
have six full time students with sponsors. So far, our sponsors have contributed
almost RD$500,000! Sponsors pay $RD3000 a month directly to the student and meet with them
monthly. We have three student prospects that currently need a sponsor so they can continue
attending school. If you want to make a difference and would like to sponsor a student stop by
Blackbeards and ask for Capt Tim.

Costambar Monthly page 12

COSTAMBAR MONTHLY AD RATES

The Best Value for your Advertising Peso!
NEW RATES EFFECTIVE NOVEMBER 2015

EXCITING CHANGES FOR 2017

Contact Us
809-970-7507/809-449-1820
costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca
www.costambarmonthly.com

CHECK OUT OUR EXCITING NEW

ADVERTSING OPPORTUNITIES AT
COSTAMBARMONTHLY.COM!!
BE SEEN WHERE IT COUNTS!

At the end of 2016 desire and circumstances combined to cause

some exciting new changes for Costambar Monthly!
We could no longer keep our old printer functioning. We had
reached the end of our talent and resourcefulness as printer
techs. So a new to us printer was purchased and wow! What a
difference it has made. We also have a new stapler - one that
isnt held together with elastic bands and duct tape! Also a big
boost to productivity! Finally updated the publishing program
we use and the bells and whistles it has are creatively inspiring.
But the most exciting news is that I finally started creating the
website of my dreams. No longer just a repository for issues of
CM - though they will definitely be there - it will host a
beautiful events calendar, a blog, a photo gallery and so much
more! As well as exciting new advertising opportunities! We
want it to be the place people go when they are looking for a
place to rent, eat, drink, rent a car or need a plumber. It will be
a dynamic site. A site meant to visit and revisit. Check it out at
costambarmonthly.com and keep coming back to see whats
new and changing as we go along. Also, check out our new
Facebook page (costambarmonthly) where we will keep you
abreast of things in our part of paradise. And maybe the odd
joke or two - cause you know A day without laughter is a day
wasted! Heres to an awesome 2017!

SOLUTIONS TO PUZZLES ON PAGE 10

EASY

HIDDEN MESSAGE
TIMES SQUARE IN
NEW YORK CITY

MEDIUM

Costambar Monthly page 13

Poison Kits
Available!
RD$1500

One buzz word in today's business world is

MARKETING. However, people often ask for a
simple explanation of "Marketing."
Well, here it is:
* You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at
a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in
bed."
That's Direct Marketing.
* You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see
a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to
him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in
bed."
That's Advertising.
* You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to
him and get his telephone number. The next day
you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.
* You see a guy at a party; you straighten your
dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink.
You say, "May I?" and reach up to
straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly
against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm
fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.
* You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He
walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic
in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.
*You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He
fancies you, but you talk him into going home with
your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.
* Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.
* You're on your way to a party when you realize
that there could be handsome men in all these
houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof
of one situated towards the center and shout at
the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Facebook.

BINGO ON THE BEACH

JANUARY 14TH
3PM
SIOBELOS SALOON (CESIS)
FOSTER & FOREVER HOMES, DONATIONS
VOLUNTEERS AND TRAVEL COMPANIONS
ALWAYS NEEDED AND WELCOMED!

MORE INFO

DCDR Costambar

www.costambarmonthly.com

BRUGAL
BEACH CLUB
10am-3pm

MARK YOUR CALENDARS!

6TH ANNUAL ARTS & CRAFTS
SHOW & SALE
SATURDAY FEBRUARY 4TH

Costambar and area artists and crafters are

invited to contact Archange at 809-970-7437
or Judith at 809-970-7276 for more details.
All art and craft lovers are invited to attend!!

Costambar Monthly page 14

JUST NAILS
IN COSTAMBAR

OPEN DAILY (INCLUDING HOLIDAYS)

Mon-Sat 8am-10pm Sundays 8am-8pm
Everything you need from snacks to supper!
Delivery Service Available!
Calle Principal, Costambar (just inside the gate)

809-970-3028

German Nail Stylist

Working with
Gel/Acrylic/Shellac
More than 20 years
experience
HAPPY
NEW YEAR!

www.facebook.com/
JustNailsIrina

829-727-6845

DAYCARE TIA MARITZA

For children 3 months to 6 years old
Personal, Experienced, Great Atmosphere
For more information
809-261-6324
809-849-0019
Los Reyes, near Torre Alta
Puerto Plata

SOUND RENTAL

Karaoke Tropical
THE MOST INTERNATIONAL!
For Any Event of Your Choice
With Animation in Various Languages
Large screen, Plasma screen & Light Effects
809-204-4172
Email tropical17@hotmail.fr

ANNETTE GAMBARDELLA
REAL ESTATE SERVICES
Calle Cristobal Colon #6
Costambar, Dominican Republic
809-869-0054

www.costambar-puertoplata-realestate.com

TRUST & SECURITY

Prices from US$18!

809-727-9850/809-261-6001
mercadorentcar@gmail.com
Mercadorentcar
JOSE DEL CARMEN ARIZA #2 ESQUINA MALECON

Puerto
Plata

Costambar Monthly page 15

A tall upright machine useful for

suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your
hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
your beer across the room, denting the freshlypainted project which you had carefully set in the
corner where nothing could get to it.
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws
them somewhere under the workbench with the
speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hardearned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes
you to say, 'Oh sh--!'
A portable cutting tool used to make studs
too short.
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used
in the creation of blood-blisters.
An electric sanding tool commonly
used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major
refinishing jobs.
One of a family of cutting tools built on
the Ouija board principle... It transforms human
energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the
more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.
Generally used after pliers to completely
round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they
can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to
the palm of your hand.
Used almost entirely for
lighting various flammable objects in your shop on
fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the
wheel hub out of which you want to remove a
bearing race.
A large stationary power tool commonly
used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall
integrity.
Used for lowering an
automobile to the ground after you have installed
your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle
firmly under the bumper.
A large stationary power saw primarily
used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into
smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can
after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
outside edge.
A tool for testing the
maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to
disconnect.
Normally used to stab the
vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt;
but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
Phillips screw heads.

HAVING RUST PROBLEMS?

From their website

Call Colin 809-449-1819

Ask about our pool paint!
A tool for opening paint
cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted
screws into non-removable screws and butchering
your palms.
A tool used to crumple the metal
surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to
remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
A tool used to make hoses too short.
Originally employed as a weapon of war,
the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining
rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the
object we are trying to hit.
Used to open and slice through the
contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front
door; works particularly well on contents such as
seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.
Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only
while in use.
(A personal favorite!) Any
handy tool that you grab and throw across the
garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of
your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that
you will need.
Hope you found this informative.

Costambar Monthly page 16

CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE
11,000 KW Kobota diesel generator
12 batteries, 3500 watt inverter-charger, 1500 watt invertercharger. As a lot US$5000. Can be sold separately.
Call Niels at 849-252-5177
FOR SALE
2003 Yamaha RX100, in Costambar. Good bike but needs a little
TLC. Runs great. $430 US or 20,000Rd. Call Bill-809-505-2599

Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be

placed by emailing costambarmonthly@gmail.com
Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820
PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items.
Commercial properties or enterprises (including real
estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will
usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise
notified. Please limit the length of your ads to no more than
approx. 10 lines!!!

FOR SALE
Sport Car Mitsubishi Eclipse 2001 for sale at 214,000 pesos.
new engine in very good condition. Has propane gas, 6 cylinders,
mechanic and automatic. Sun roof, hatchback, color black.
Diane phone and WhatsApp 1 809 715 7200
FOR SALE
Various Suitcases, some used only one time.
Full unopened bag 50lb of Soda Ash for a pool
Full unopened bag 50lb of Sulfato for the pool .
809-970-7197 or jackflor@aol.com
FOR SALE
Rane mp24 dj club mixer $250.00
Vestax pcv-175 dj mixer $70.00
Denon dn20000f duel cd player $50.00
Carver pm950 amplifier $250.00
Pair csx community speakers 12 inch $125.00
Pair csx community speakers 15 inch $125.00
Pair community bass bins 2 x 15 inch speakers in each cabinet
$350.00
Call Ray at 829-633-5164 or 829-519-6878 or e-mail at
raysakran58@icloud.com or djray@claro.net.do

CAR FOR SALE

2013 Chev Trax,
US$ 17,750,
under warranty,
42,000 Kil.,
Automatic,
Contact Mark829-720-8889 or
mark_a_brandon@hotmail.com

The man who created

autocorrect has died.
May he restaurant in peas.

USEFUL NUMBERS
Police Office
Police Car
APC Office
APC Gate Security
Codetel
Edenorte - emergency
Edenorte - office
Costambar Taxi Stand

809-320-8510
809-320-8840
809-970-7877
809-970-7015
809-220-1111
809-261-1844
809-586-9823
809-970-7318

Canada
Britain
U.S.A.
German
Italian

809-586-5761
809-586-4244
809-586-4204
809-586-6995
809-320-7601

Clinica Bournigal
Clinica Brugal
Los Tropicos Pharmacy

809-586-2342
809-586-2519
809-970-7607

Costambar Monthly page 17

PAID ADVERTISEMENT

A New Year, new opportunities and time to nourish existing ones. Happy 2017 to you all here in
Costambar.
We, the new board, have operated in almost 11 months. We have learned a lot, and are still learning...
Despite the lack of funds, we have been able to uphold a Security unit and maintenance staff to keep the
roadsides clean and other small repair, but there is still a lot to do...and we need more staff to get those
things done.
In the meantime, to hear what has been done and our plans and wishes for 2017, our Town hall Meeting
will be on Saturday 28th January at 15:00 in the Brugal Tennis Club on the beach.
In view of the recent heavy rainfall and the damages caused to our roads, something needs to be done
here. We would like to remind you that we have a road repair committee, but we need both funds and
volunteers to get it working again; in the meantime any donations would be welcome. If you mark your
donation "road repair" the money will only be spent for that purpose. Please check our web page for the
different committees - all are open for your initiative and participation as a paying member.
Maybe some of you are new readers, so here is once more the simple version as to how you can
distinguish between APC and the Security Committee: The APC covers all salaries and liquidations for
both the Security Staff and Maintenance and is a legal audited association. The Security Committee
takes care of vehicles, uniforms, radios, security systems (cameras), etc. If you do not pay the APC we
ask of you to go to the office and get up to date with your dues.
If you visit the APC office on Cristobal Colon, you can get information about your rights and duties as a
proprietor in Costambar.
A small piece of advice - if you are thinking of buying property here in Costambar, please be sure to
check all outstanding debt in the house or apartment - i.e. Edenorte, Coraaplata, and APC, so that you
do not get any unpleasant surprises later on.
We do hope we can count on you for the future of Costambar.

Counting with you for the

good of Costambar.
The APC Security and Maintenance.

APC office email:apcmaintenance@yahoo.com

Tel: 809 970 7877
Web: apccostambar.com
Facebook: Apc Costambar

SECURITY COMMITTEE COSTAMBAR: Our first meeting of 2017 will be Friday January
13th at 9a.m. at Sea Horse Condos, Condo #10 (Jack's condo) 65 Guayacanes. We will:
distribute the year end report 2016 detailing income and expenses and discuss ways that
we can help Security in Costambar through our Committee (now in its 8th, year!)
We will vote on our wish list, as follows: Purchase a new metal gate for the large truck
entry to Costambar with remote to the Security Casita and camera system to monitor
gate; our moto will be 2 years old this year - buy a new one and then maintain both and be able to split
to 1 man patrols when needed; 2 complete sets of uniforms for 12 guards; 12 sets of boots for 12
guards; upgrade camera system at main gate with better cameras and Jennys system; purchase 3
more systems to be placed in critical areas of Costambar; repairs at front gate; repairs of APC jeep;
repairs and assistance for PN and Cestur; purchase radios to replace old ones, pay for Xmas
Canastas APC guards & all Police; hats & rain gear; miscellaneous funds for ongoing maintenance and
expenses.
Fundraising goal for Committee this year 2017: RD$811,000. So we need new members from the
community that can attend our meeting January 13th and help the committee. A basic membership is
just RD$7200 a year, and a membership gets you a 5% discount at Jenny's Market, La Farmacia
Tropical, Ferreteria Costambar, Solemio , and other restaurants to be determined, so you can
get much or all of your contributions back through discounts at participating merchants!
Costambar: we need your help!! Please plan to attend Friday January 13th, 9am, Jacks Condo.
Email: jackflor@aol.com with questions.

Costambar Monthly page 18

IF DRINKS
COULD TALK
COFFEE
You can do this!

BOAT INSURANCE
Any Craft - Any Use - Any Age - Anywhere

WINE
You dont have
to do this!

Survey Not Normally Required

Personal Belongings
Equipment Coverage
No Claims Discounts

Contact us today for a tailor-made, no obligation

www.EdwardWilliams.com or
Call Colin 809-449-1819

TEQUILA
Holy shit! Did you really
just do that?!?!?!

ATTENTION BOATERS!
NOW AVAILABLE!
Blue Water Antifouling Paint
Ablative and hard
Also
Topside paint and varnish
All at U.S. Prices!
Call 809-449-1819 or
Email drcigarman@yahoo.com
For details and orders

CLEAR FIBERGLASS
3 GALLON
PROPANE CYLINDER TANK

ANTIFOULING
ONLY US$100
INCLUDES DELIVERY

IDEAL FOR BOATS

ONLY RD$2300
Tanks & valves are brand new
Made in the USA
Always know how much gas you get or have left!
Lightweight & rustproof!

CALL COLIN AT 809-449-1819

As I suspected, someone has

been adding soile to my garden.
The plot thickens!

Costambar Monthly page 19

ARAMIS HENRIQUEZ
Attorney at Law

Cedulas and Residencias

Drivers Licenses
Land or Home Purchase/Title Work
Travel with you to Santiago to
purchase a car
General Legal Work

65 Guayacannes
Costambar
809-970-7197
809-844-0684
jackflor@aol.com

829-323-6451
aramis_henriquez@yahoo.com

ONCE
YOUVE
SEEN THE
REST

Speaks English-German-Spanish-Creole-French
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly
Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in
sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you,
so that I may know whether or not to admit you to
the Kingdom of Heaven?'
The guy replies, 'I'm Bruce, a retired airline pilot
from Toronto.' Saint Peter consults his list. He
smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe
and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot
goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and
booms out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint
Mary's for the last 43 years.'
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest,
'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter
the Kingdom.
'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man
was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden
staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this
be?
'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter.
'When you preached - people slept. When he flew,
people prayed.'

STAY AT
THE
BEST!!
FOR RENT/FOR SALE
14 CONDOS - 1,2,3 BEDROOM

Costambar Monthly page 20

HOUSE FOR SALE BY OWNER

US$98,895
For more pictures & information
visit this website
http://www.point2homes.com/
DO/Home-For-Sale/Puerto-Plata/
Costambar/Calle-Gargoca-6/36413065.html

US$98,895
Telephone: Mark - 829-720-8889 Email: mark_a_brandon@hotmail.com
Visit by Appointment only please.