Dedicated to the Memory of My Parents

Hermann Elias, cl. Breslau 1940

Sophie Elias, cl. Auschwitz 1941(?)

Norbert Elias

THE CIVILIZING PROCESS

Sociogenetic and Psychogenetic
Investigations

Translated by Edmund ]ephcott

with some notes and corrections by the a11thor

Revised Edition
edited by
Eric Dunning, Johan Go11dsblom and Stephen Menne!!

Blackwell
Publishing

Thl Cizili:::illg Pmo.:_i-.r

Ch(/i!gt.r in thr Buhariom of the Swt!crr UjJjJer Clt1sses in the \Fest

VIII
On Behaviour in the Bedroom

137

Ifrou share a bed wirh a comrade, lie quiecly: do nor toss wirh your body. for chis can
l;iy y~urself bare or inconvenience your companion by pulling away rhe blankets

Examples
1555

From Des honnes 1i1ot1trs tt hon nest es contenm1c<J. by Pierre Broe (Lyons, 15 5 5 ):

A
Fifteenth centurv

F~om

Stam />!!er i11 m:mam, an English book of table

l-!63-83 (A Boole ol
- PrccudwC<.. London , 1869. p. 63):

If you share a bed wirh anocher man. keep srill

manners from rhe period

215 And if chac ic forren so bv

nyghc or Any cyme
-

1cike care nor rn annoy him or expose yourself by abrupt movemencs

And if he is asleep. see char you do nor wake him

Thar you scha!l lye wirh Anv man

char is beuer rhan vou
.
Spyre hym whar syde .of rhe bedd

1729

char most besc will ples hvm.

:\nd lye you on chi rnrher si:de,
for rhar is rhi prow;

From La Salle, Lu Rl:gkr de la hiemliance et de la ciri!ite dm!tie1111e (Rauen, 1729),

p. 55:

Ne go you nor rn bede before boc

rhi becrer cause rhe,
For rhac is no currasy, rhus seys
docrour paler

223 A.nc1 when you arte in rhi bed.

chis is curcasy,
Srryghr downe rhar vou he wirh
fore and bond.
,
.
\vhen ze hme calkyd whar ze
wyll, b:.d h} m gode nyghc in bye
For char is grer curras 1 so schall
thou understand ,,. -

If vou share rnur bed 1 l1 .

t- l l
_
'tr a man o 11g 1er rank, ask him which side he prefers. Do
nor go co bed before your superior imires you: char is nor courteous, savs Dr Paler.
Then lie down srra1ghr and bid him goodnight.

1530

From De . Ft t
!
w1 ta i: i11om111 /111tri im11, by Erasmus, ch . 12, "On rhe Bedchamber .. :
W'hen you undress. when you !(tr up. be mindful of m cl. .
cl k
_
_
~
.
o tSt}. an ta e care nor co
expose rn che eyes ot orhecs anything char morality and nature require co be concealed
:;: To focilirnr_e comprthtnsion. the o!J spelling is nor rer..,roJuced .-~v.,1crl1
''
text can b e tuun J in.~\ B/j,,L rf Pr~,:.:ltix~. p. 63
. The philolo,trica!ly accurare

You ought
neicher ro undress nor go ro bed in rhe presence of any ocher person
Above all. unless you ace married. you should nor go to bed in che presence of <Hwone
of che ocher sex
le is srill less permissible for people of opposite sexes rn sleep in rhe same bed, unless
chey are very young children
If you are forced by unavoidable necessirr co share a bed wirh another person of che
same sex on a journey, ir is nor proper rn lie so near him char you disrurb or ewn couch
him: and ir is srill less decenc rn pm your legs berween chose of che ocher.
Ir is also wry improper and impolite co amuse yourself wirh ralk and chacrer.
\\?hen you gee up you should nor leave rhe bed uncovered. nor pm 1our nightcap on
a chair or anywhere else where ir can be seen

177-4
From La Salle, L:s Rl:gles de lt1 hit:i!SldilCe et de la ciri!itt! clm!tiu111e ( l 77-:i edn) p. 31:

Jr is a srrange abuse w make rwo people of differenc sex sleep in rhe same room. And
if necessicy demands ic, you should make sme rhac rhe beds are aparr. and char modesty
dues not suffer in any way from this commingling" Only exrren1e indigence can exct;se

chis pracrice
If you are forced to share a bed with a person of rhe same sex. which seldom happens.
you should maintain a srricr and 1igilanc modesty.
\\ihen you have awakened and had sufticienc cime rn rest, you should gee our of bed
wirh firring modesty and never stay in bed holding conversations or concerning
yourself with ocher marrers
norhing more clearly indicates indolence and frivolity:
rhe bed is imended foe bodily resr and for nothing else

138

Classt.i i11 the \\'i-.11

Th:: Cfri!i:i11g Prr;c.:.iS

Comments on the Examples

l The bedroom has btcomt ont of rht mosr "private' and "inrimart" areas of
human lift . Like mosr orhtr bodily funcrions, sleeping has been increasingly
shifred behind the scents of social lift. The nuclear family remains as rlit o~I~
legirimare. socially sanctioned enclave for rhis and many orhtr human function;.
Irs \i_siblt and imisible walls wirhdraw rhe mosr "privare". "inrimare". unsuppress1bly "animal .. as peers of human txisrtnct from rhe sight of ochers
In medieval society this funcrion. roo. had nor betn rlms privariztd and
stparared from rhe resr of social life. Ir was quire normal ro recei\e visirnrs in
rooms wirh beds, and rhe beds themselves had a presrige value rtlared ro rheir
opultnct. Ir was \'try common for many people ro spend rhe nighr in rhe same
room: in rhe upper class, rhe master wirh his strvanr. rhe misrress wirh her maid
or maids; in orher classes, even men and women in rhe same room.-_; and ofren
guesrs who were sraying ovtrnighr.-'

.2. Those who did nm sleep in their clorhes undressed complerelr. In general
people in lay sociery slepr naked. and in rhe monasric orders ei rher, fullr Ldressed
or fully undressed according ro rht srricrness of rhe rules. The n;le of Sr
Benedicr-daring back ar ltasr ro rhe sixrh cenrury-required members of rhe
order ro sleep in dieir clorhes and even ro keep rheir btlrs on.' In rhe rwelfrh
ctnrury, when rheir order became more prosperous and powerful and rhe asceric
consrrainrs less severe, rhe Cluniac monks were permirred ro sleep wirhout
clorhes. The Cisrtrcians, when srriving for reform, rerurned ro die old Benedictine rule. Special nighrclorhes are never menrioned in rhe monastic rules of
rhis period, srill less in die dornmenrs. epics or illusrrarions lefr behind bv
secular sociery. This is also rrue for women. If anyrhing, ir was unusual ro kee~
clorhing on in bed. Ir aroused suspicion rhar one might have some bodilv
defter-for what orher reason should rht body bt hiddtn'-and in facr rhi,s
usually was rhe case. In rhe RrJ111:m d, la
for example, we hear rhe serrnnr
ask her misrress in surprise why she is going robed in her chemise, and rhe Lurer
explains it is because of a mark on her body.-"
This greartr lack of inhibirion in showing the naked body, and rhe posirion of
rht shame fronrier represenrecl by ir. are seen parricularh clear!\- in barhin"
manners. Ir has been noted with surprise in larer ages rhar .knighr; were waired
on in rheir barhs by women: likewise, rheir nighr drink was ofren broughr ro
rheir beds by women. Ir seems ro han: been common pracrice, ar leasr in rhe
rowns. ro undress ar home before going ro rhe barhhouse. "How ofren", savs an
observer, "rhe fiuher, wearing nothing bur his breeches, wirh his naked wif~ and
children, runs rhrough rhe srreers from his house ro rhe barbs
How manv
rimes have I seen girls of ren, twelve, fourreen, sixreen and eighreen yea;s
enrirely naked exctpr for a shorr smock, ofren rorn. and a ragged barhing gown
ar from and back' \Virh rhis open at rht feer and wirl~Lrheir hands~ held

139

ound rhelf behmds. runnmg from rheir houses through the long
decorous 1Y 'll
t
midd<l\'
ro rhe barbs How many compltrely naked boys of ren. rwelve.
srre e(s 'l

.. -- on 'lfld sixreen run beside rhem..

.
tourteL '
.
.
I
This lack of inhibition disappt:cutd slowlv 1n the s1xreenrl: and more rapic ly
. l evenreenrh c:ighrtenrh and ninereenrh cenruries, hrsr m rhe higher
J[1 [ it '
'
. nd much more slowlv in rht lower. Up ro rhen, the whole mode of lite.
classes ,1
.
.
l "reuer
closeness of individuals. made rhe sight of rhe naked
body,~ at
Wl( 1 IL5 u
'.
n
rlie
1)ro11er
IJlace
incom1xuablv
more
commonplace
rhan
m
rhe
hrsr
lpasr i

"stages
o f. rlie n1odern 1"e
"\Ve
reach
the
sur1Jrising
conclusion",
it
has
been
said
'- c
. '- _
wirh reference ro Germany. "char
rhe sight of roral nakedness was rhe
everyday rule up ro rhe sixreemh cenrury.. Everyone und_ressecl complerely each

bet.ore u"01.n"
ro bed and likewise no clorhmg
was \vorn m rhe
evening
u
,_
..
-,
And
rhis
cerninlv
a1J11lied
nor
onlv
ro
Germanv.
People had a less
irlis
sream b '

'

inhibited-one mighr say a more childish-arrirude rowards rhe body, and ro

manv of irs funcrions. Sleeping cusroms show rhis no less rhan barbing habirs.
. _',_'A special nighrdress slowly came inro use at roughly rht same rime as rht
fork and rhe handkerchief Like rhe or her "rools of civilizarion". it made irs way
rhrough Europe quire gradually And like rhem ir is a symbol of rhe decisive
chang"e raking place at rhis rime in human beings. Sensiriviry rowards everyrhing
rhar came imo comacr wirh rhe body increased . Shame became arrachc:d ro
behaviour rhar had previously been free of such feelings. Thar psychological
process which is already described in rhe Bible: "and rhey Sa\~ rhar rhey were
naked and were ashamed"-rhar is. an advance of rhe shame trom1er. a rhrusr
wwards grearer resrrainr-was repeared here. as so often in rhe course of hisron
The lack of inhibirion in showing oneself naked disappeared. as did rhar in
performing bodily funcrions before orhtrs. And as this sight became less
commonplace in social life, rhe depiction of rhe naked body in arr rook on a new
significance. J\Iort than hirherro ir became a dream image. an emblem of wishfL;llilmenr. To use Schiller's terms. it became "semimenral". as againsr the
L

"m1ive" form of earlier phases.

[n rhe courr socierv of France-where gerring up and going ro bed, ar leasr in
the case of grear lords and ladies. was incorporated direcdy inro social lifenighrdress, like e\erv orher form of clothing appearing in rhe communal life of
pe~ple. rook on rep;esenrarional funcrions as ir developed This changed when.
wirh rhe rise of broader classes, gerring up and going ro bed became more
imimare and were displaced from life in rhe wider sociery inro rhe inrerior of rhe
nuclear familv.
The gener,;rions following \\/oriel \'Var I, in rheir books on eriquerre, looked
back with a cerrain ironr-and nor wirhour a fainr shudder-ar rhis period.
when rhe exclusion of su~h funcrions as sleeping. undressing and dressing was
enforced wirh special se\eriry. rhe mere menrion of chem being blocked by
relatively heavy prohibirions An English book on manners of 19.'>6 says. perhaps

140

Tht Cit'i!i:::ing Prrietss

i11 the Beh111iol!r iJf the Sem!ar Uj1f!er C!mses in th1: \Y'i::st

with slight exaggeration, but certainly not entirelv without iustificuion 'D
.
..,
_

'

Ur111g the Genteel Era before the \Var, camping was the only way by which
respectable writers might approach the subject of sleep. In those days ladies and
gentlemen did not go to bed at night-they retired. How they did it was
nobody s busmess. An author who thought differently ,,ould have found himself
excluded from the circulating library... - 9 Here, too, there had been a certain
reacnon an~ relaxation since the war. _It was clearly connected with the growing
mob1l1ty ot society-, w1rl1 the spread ot sport, hiking and travel. and also with the
relar1vely early separation of young people from the family communitY. The
uan~ition from the nightshirt to pyjamas-that is, to a more "socially p~esent
able sleepmg costllme-was a symptom of this. This change was not. as is
s~metimes supposed, simply a retrogressive movement, a recession of the feelings
ot sham_e o~ delicacy, ~r a release and decontrolling of drives, but the development .of a torm that fits both our advanced standard of shame and the specific
s1nwt1on 111 which present-day social lite places individuals. Sleep is no longer so
1nr1mate and segregated as in the preceding stage. There are more sirnations in
which people are exposed ro the sight of strangers sleeping. undressing or
dress~ng As a result. nightclothes <like underwear) have been developed and
transformed in such a way that the wearer need not be "ashamed" when seen in
such sitlla:ions by others. The nightclothes of the preceding phase aroused
f_ed111gs ot shame and embarrassment precisely because they were relativelv
formless . They were not intended to be seen by people ourside the famih circl~.
On. the one hand, the nightshirt of the nineteenth century marked an e~)och in
which shame and embarrassment with regard ro the exposure of one's own bodv
were so advanced and internalized that bodily forms had ro be entirelv covered
even when alone or in the closest family circle; on the other hand,
characterized an epoch in which the "intimate .. and "private" sphere. because it was so
sharply severed from the resr of social life, had not to anv great extent been
socially articulated and patterned. This peculiar combinatio1~ of strondv internalized, compulsive feelings of repugnance, or moral in-, with a far-reachin.l!: lack of
social patterning w-ith respect to the "spheres of intimacy" was charact;ristic of
nineteemh-cenrnry society and not a little of our own . "'

it

..j The examples give a rough idea of how sleep. becoming slowh- more
intimate and private, was separated from most other social relatio~s. and !;ow the
precepts given ro young people rook on a specifically moralistic undertone with
the advance of feelings of shame . In the medieval .quotation (Example A! the
restraint demanded of young people was explained by consideration clue ro others,
respect for social superiors. It says, in effect, 'If vou share vour bed with a better
man, ask him which side he prefers, and do not g~ to bed b~fore he invites vou, for
that is not courteous." And in the French imitation ofJohannes Sulpicius b~ Pierre
Broe (Example Cl. the same attitude prevailed: "Do not annov \our nei."hbour
when he has fallen asleep: see that you do not wake him up. et~ .. : In Eras~us we

1-i l

hear a moral demand, which required certain behaviour not out of

nsideration for others but for its own sake: "\\'lhen you undress. when you get
c~ be mindful of modesty." But the idea of social custom, of consideration for
up,

I l
. cl .
. l l
still [Jredommant
or htrs,. was
~
- The contrast ro t 1e ater
_ per10 1s parncu ar ,.
't.
'"e
remember
that
these
prece1JtS,
even
those
ot
Dr
Paler
(Example
A),
.
cl ea1 ' "
were dearly directed to people who went to bed undressed. That strangers should
sleep in the same bed appeared, ro judge by the manner in which the question_
w;is discussed, neither unusual nor in any way improper even at the time of
to

Erasmus.
In the quotations from the eighteenth century this tendency was not
continued in a straight line, partly because it was no longer confined predominantly ro the upper stratum. But in the meantime, even in other strata, it had
clearly become less commonplace for a young person ro share his bed with
another: "If you are forced by unavoidable necessity to share a bed with another
person
. on a journey, it is not proper to lie so near him that you disrnrb or
even much him', writes La Salle (Examplt DJ And: "You oughc neither to
undress nor go to bed in the presence of any other person ....
In the 177-i edition. derails were again avoided wherever possible. And the
tone is appreciably stronger "If you are forced to share a bed with a person of the
same sex, which seldom happens, you should maintain a strict and vigilant
modtstv" (Example E). This was rhe tone of moral injunction. Even ta give a
reason .had become distasteful to the adult. The child was made by the
threatening tone to associate this situation with danger. The more "natural" the
standard of delicacy and shame appeared ro adults and the more the civilized
restraint of bodily urges was taken for granted, the more incomprehensible it
became to adulrs that children do not have this delicacy and shame by "nature".
The children necessarily encroach again and again on the adult rhreshold of
repugnance. and-since they are not yet adapted-they infringe the taboos of
society. cross the adult shame frontier, and penetrate emotional danger zones
which the adults themselves can only control with difficulty. In this situation rhe
adults do not explain rhe demands they make on behaviour They are unable to
do so adequately. They are so conditioned that thev conform to the social
standard more or less automatically Any other behaviour, any breach of the
prohibitions or restraints prevailing in their society means danger, and a
devaluation of the restraints imposed upon themselves. And rhe peculiarly
emotional undertone so often associated with moral demands, the aggressive and
threatening severity with which rhey are frequently upheld, reflects the danger in
which any breach of the prohibitions places the unstable balance of all those for
whom the standard behaviour of sociery has become more or less "second nature"
These attitudes are symptoms of the anxiety aroused in adults whenever the
structure of their own drives, and with it their own social existence and the social
order in \vhich it is anchored. is even remotely threatened

l-i..?

1-i)

A whole series of specific contliccs berwetn adulrs-above all parems who art
for rhe mosr parr licrle prtpartd for rhe rnsks of condirioning-and children.
contlicrs which appear wirh rht adrnnce of rhe sha111e-fronritr and rhe growin~
disrnnce berween adulrs and children. and \\hich art rherefort largely founded ~

rhe srrucrure of civiliztd socitn- irself. are explained by rhis siruarion. The
siruarion irself has been undersrood only relarivtly recenrly. firsr of all wirhin
small circles. esptcialh among professional educarors And only now. in rhe age
char has been called rht cenrury of rht child'. is rht realizarion rhar. in vic:w of
rhe increased disrnnce ber\veen rhem. children cannor behave like adulrs slowly

iris an exuemel1 dtlicact and difficulc rask to tnligh'.e_n growing girls and boys
Cll emsehes and whar gots on around chem. Ihe exrem w which chis
,.
cin ( F from beinu self-e\idenr is a furrher resulr of rhe civilizing process
s1wan ' "
"'
..
.
. ..
.
.
]-- x:rcti\'td if rl1e behaviour or people: 111 a d1Herenr srage IS observed 1 he
1s on.' 1
.-_
rc:nowned Colloc111ir:s is a .__,good exarn11le.
race
0 ic Er1sn1us's
~
boITT

..

Erasmus discovered chac one of rhe works of his yomh had been published
wichour his permission in a corrupr form. wirh acldicions by orhtrs and parrly in
a bad scyle Ht revised ir and published ic himself under a nc:w ride: in 1522.
. llrr1 u ic fdwi!icnillll co//oq11ir1u1111 ff,rmul:.u l!f1ll !1.n1t11111 dd

penerraring rhe family circle wirh appropriart educarional advice and insrru~
cions. In rht long precc:ding period. rhe more severe arrirude prnailed char

"'

moraliry and respecr for raboos should be presenr in children from rht firsr. This
arrirucle cerrainlr cannor be: said ro han: disappeared roday

<leach Ir became whac ht had desired. nor only a book from which boys could

l'r.,)'i!lll

.
ttic1111 de! l iti:!IJJ instil11ei!dc1111

He worked on chis rtxc. augmeming and improving ir. umil shorrly before his

The examples on behaviour in rht bedroom gin:, for a limirtd segmenr, a

learn a good Larin sryle, bur ont which could serve, as ht says in rht ride. w
inrroduce chem ro lift. The Co!loqi!ils became one of rhe most famous and widely

cerrain imprtssion of how !are ir really was rhar rhe rendency ro adopr such
arcirudts reached irs full developmcm in secular tducacion.

diev wenr rhrough numerous edirions and rranslacions. And like ir. chc:y became

The lint of rhis deye]opmtnr scarcely nec:ds furrl1er tlucidarion. Hert. wo. in

a s:I10 o!book. a srandard work from which boys were c:ducared. Hardly anyrhing

much rht same way as wirh taring. rhe wall berween people. rhe rtstrvt. rhe
tmorional barrier ertcrtd by cundirioning berwttn one body and anorher. has
grown conrinuously. To share a bed wirh ptople ourside che family circle. wich
srrangers. is made more and more tmbarrassing Unless necessiry dicraces
orherwise. ir becomes usual tYen wichin che family for every person w han, rheir

read works of cheir rime:. As his crearise Du (il'i/itatr: 111om111 pmri/i;1111 did lacer.

"ives a more immediare impression of rhe change: in \Vesrc:rn sociery in rhe

process of civilizarion rhan rhe cricicism ro which chis work was subjecred bv
chose who scill found rhemselvts obliged w concern themselves wirh ir in rhe
ninereemh ctnrury. An influenrial German pedagogue, Von Raumer, commenrs
on ir as follows in his Gc.1chicht1: du- Piidt1gogik (Hisrory of pedagogy):-'c

own bed and tirrnlly-in rht middle and upper classes-rheir own btdroom.
Children are rrained early in chis disrancing, rhis isolacion from orhc:rs. wich all
rht habirs and experitnces rhar rhis brings wirh ic.. Only if we set how narural
ir seemed in che .i\fidcllt Ages frir srrangers and for children and aclulrs w share
a bed can we appreciare \\hat a fundamenral change in inrerptrsonal relarionships
and bthaYiour is expressed in our manner of li\ing ..And we n.:cognize how far
from self-evidenr ic is rhac bed and body should form such psychological dangtr
zones as chey do in che mosr recenr phase of ci\ilizarion.

IX
Changes in Attitude towards the Relations
between Men and Women
1. The: feeling of shame surrounding human sexual relarions has changed and
bc:come noriceably srronger in rht civilizing process. 0 ; This manifts;s irself

How could such a book be imroduced in coundess schools' \Vhar had boys rn do wirh
rhese saryrs' Reform is a marrer for manm: men. \\?har sense were boys supposed ro
make of dialogues on so many subjens of which rhey undersrand norhing: conversarions in which reachers are ridiculed. or bcrween rwo women abour rheir husbands.
berween a suitor and a girl he is wooing. or the LullOlJUY '"AJolesccntis et Scurti"
(Young men and prosrinm:sL This lasr dialogue recalls Schiller's disrich enrided
'"Kunsrgriff' <The knackl: "It you would pltase borh rhe worldly and godly alike. painr
chem rhe joys of rhe flesh. bur paim rhtm che devil as \\ell. .. Erasmus here painrs
t!eshh lusr in rhe basesr wa\ and rhen adds somerhing which is supposed ro edify Such
a bm;k is recommended
rhe Donor Theologiae rn an eighr-year-olcl bm-. rhar he
rnighr be improved by readini; ir

b;-

The work was indeed dedicared w the young son of Erasmus's publisher. and
rhe farhtr clc:arly felr no qualms ar priming ir.

2 . The book mer with harsh cricicism as soon as ir appeared . Bur rhis was nor
direcced chiefly ac its moral qualiries . The primary rarger was the "imelltcrnal",

panicularly clearly in the difficulry experienced by adulrs in rhe more: recenr

rbe man who was neither an orrhodox Proresram nor an orrhodox Cacholic. The

srages of civilizarion in miking abour these relarions ro children. Bur rod:n chis

Cacholic Church, above all, foughr against rhe Colloq11iu, which cerrninly conrain
occasional \irulenr acrncks on Church insrirntions and orders. and soon placed ir
on rhe Index.

difficulty appears almosr narural Ir seems rn be explained almosr b\ bio]~gical

reasons alone rhar a child knows noching of rhe relations of rht sex~s. and Lehar

144

Thi: Cil'ilizi11g Proas.r

But against chis muse bt stt tht txtrnordinary success of rht Colloq!!its and,
abovt all. their introduction as a schoolbook.. "From 1526 on", says Huizinga in
his Eras11111s (London. 192-f. p. 199). "chert was for two (tntunes an almost
uninterrur,ced scream oi editions and translations ...
In this period. therefore. Erasmus's treatise muse have remained a kind of
standard work for a very considerable number of people. How is the difference
berwetn its viewpoint and that of the nineteenth-century critic co be understood?
In chis work Erasmus does indeed speak oi many things which with the
<ldvance of civilizacion have been increasingly concealed from the eyes of children,

. of rhe humanises writings, and parricularlv of chose of Erasmus, is

aove l t}
_

.
. l, chat chev do not contorm to the standard of clerical society but are
preose 1

.
_
.
. n from che srandpornr ot, and for. secular society.
wntte
.
The humanises were represenrativts of a movtmenr wh!Ch sought co release
. L n lirl"Li'1''e
from its confinement within the ecclesiastical rradirion and
rne au
, o c.
.
nuke ic a languaue of secular societv. at least ot the secular upper
and
spI1ere,
'
.
~o .
_
. .
_
_ _
chiss. Not rhe lease imporrnnr sign of the change lI1 the srrucrnre_ of \vesrern
. which has alreadv. been seen from so many other aspens lI1 chis
soc1et},
_ study, was
the fact rhar its secular consrirnencs now felt an increasing _need tor a secular.

<rnd which in the nineteenth century would under no circumstances ha\e been

scholarly literature. The humanises were the executors of this change. the

used as reading matter for children in the way Erasmus desired and expressly
affirmed in the dedication co his six- or eight-year-old godson. As the nineceenth-

functionaries of chis need of rhe secular upper class. In their works the writte~
word once again drew close co worldly social life. Experiences from chis lite

century critic stressed, Erasmus presents in the dialogues a young man wooing a
girl. He shows a woman complaining about the bad behaviour of her husband.

found direct access to scholarly lireramre This. coo. was a line in rhe great
movement of "civilization" And it is here that one of the keys to the "revival"

And there is even a conversation between a young man and a prostitme.

of antiquity will have ro be sought.

Erasmus on ct gavt Yery trenchant expression co this process prtcisel y in

Nevertheless. these dialogues bear witness. in exactly the same way as De

c"iz'ilitaft 111or11111 p11c;i/i11111, ro Erasmus's delicacy in all questions relating co the

regulation of the life of drives. even ii they do not entirely correspond to our own

defending che Coll{Jq11ies: ''As Socrates brought philosophy from heaven ro earth.
I have led philosophy ro games and banguers," he says in rht notes De !!ti!ita!l
50

standard. Measured by the srnndard oi medieval secular society. and even by that
of the secular society of his own rime, they even embody a very considerable shift

co!!oq 11ium111 char he appended to the Co!l{Jt/lties (165 5 tdn, p. 668) For this reason_

in the direction of the kind of restraint of drive impulses which the nineteenth

behaviour of secular society. no matter how much their particular demands for a
restraint of drives and moderation of behaviour may have transcended this

century was to justify above all in the form oi morality.

Certainly. the young man who woos the girl in rhe colloquy "Proci et puellae"
(Courtship) expresses very openly what he wants of her He speaks of his lo\e for

these writings may be correcdy regarded as representing the standard ot

srandard and. reprtsenced in anciciparion of the furnre. an ideal.

In De 11ti!itate m!loq!!iomm, Erasmus says with regard to the dialogue "Proci er

htr \vhen she resists, he cells her char she has drawn his soul half out of his body.

puellae" mentioned above: "I wish chat all suitors were like the one I depict and

He cells her char ir is permissible and right to conceive children . He asks her

imagine how fine it will be when he as king and she as gueen rule o\er their

conversed in no ocher way when entering marriage."

\Vhat appears to rht ninereench-ctncury obsen-er as che "basest depiction of

children and sen-ams. !This idea shows n:ry clearly how rhe lesstr psychological

lusr". what even by rht prtsenr swndard of shame must be veiled in silence

distance betwetn adults and children very often wenr hand in hand with a greater

particularly before children, appeared co Erasmus and his contemporaries who

social distance ) Finally rhe girl gives way to his suiL She agrees to become his
wife. Bur she preserves. as she says, rhe honour oi her maidenhood. She keeps it

helped co disseminate chis work as a model conversation. ideally suited to sec an

example for the young. and still largely an ideal when compared with what W<IS

for him. she says. She en:n refuses him a kiss. Bur when he does nor desist from
asking for one. she laughingh cells him chat as she has. in his own words, drawn

accrn1lly going on around them.''

-i The ocher dialogues mentioned bv Von Raumer in his polemic present

to

wo~rnn

complai~s

his soul half our of his body. so that he is almost dead. she is afraid char with a

similar cases. The

kiss she might draw his soul completely our of his body and kill him
5 As has been mentioned, Erasmus was occasionally reproached by the

she will have to change her own behaviour, then her husband's will change. And
the conversation of tl~e young man with tht prostitute ends with his rejection of

Church. even in his own lifetime. with the "indecent character" of the Co/loq11ies.

her disreputable mode of life.. One muse hear chis conversation oneself ro

who

about her husband is instructed that

Bur. one should not be misled by chis inro drawing false conclusions about the

understand what Erasmus wishes to set up as an example for boys. The girl.

acrnal srandard. particularly oi secular society. A rrearise directed against

Lucrecia, has not seen rhe youth. Sophronius, for a long rime. And she clearly

Erasmus's Colloq!!i.:s from a consciously Catholic position, about which more will

invirts him to do what he has come to rhe house to do. But he asks whether she

be said lacer. does not differ in the least from the Colloq11ies so far as unveiled
rtiertnces tO sexual matters are concerned. Its author, coo. \Vas ,1 humanist. The

she leads him co a darker room he again has scruples. Is she really sure chat no

is sure char chey cannot bt seen. whether she has nor a darker room. And when

146

147

one can see chem' "No one can see or hear us, noc even a fly." she says. "\X!hy do
you hesitate'" But rht young man asks: "Nor even God' Nor even the angels'"*
And then he begins to convert her with all rhe ans or dialectics. He asks whether
she has many enemies, whether it would nor please her to annoy her enemies.
\X!ould she nor annoy her enemies by giving up her life in this house and
becoming an honourable woman' And finally he convinces her. Ht will secretly
rake a room for her in rhe house of a respectable woman. he will find a pretext
for her to leave the house unseen. And at first he will look after her
However "immoral" the presentation of such a situation (in a "children's
book", of all places) must appear to an observer from a later period. it is not
difficult to understand rhar. from rhe standpoint of a different social srnndard
and a different srrucrnre of feelings. 1r could appear highly "moral .. and
exemplary.
The same line of development, the same difference in srnndards. could be
demonstrated by any number of examples. The observer of the nineteenth and, ro
some extent. even of rhe rnentierh century confronts the models and conditioning precepts of the pasr with a certain helplessness. And until we come to see
char our own threshold of repugnance. our own structure of feelings. have
developed-in a quite specific order-and are continuing to develop. it remains
indeed almost incomprehensible from the present standpoim how such dialogues
could be included in a schoolbook or deliberately produced as reading marcer for
children. But chis is precisely why our own standard. including our attitude to
children, should be understood as something which has developed.
More orthodox men than Erasmus did the same as he. To replace the Co//r;q11ics,
which were suspected of heresy. other dialogues were written, as already mentioned. by a strict Catholic. They bear the ride Joht!i111iJ 1\fo1 isori 111edici
lihri q11c1t11111-. t1d Constantim1111 jilimll <Bast!. 1549) They art !iktwise
wrinen as a schoolbook for boys, sinct. as the author Morisorns says, one is often
Tht:

tt:Xt

of this cxctrpt from the dialuc;ue is as follows:

:-.t iP111u 1:--.;ti :--:

?\ondum hie locus ml hi \'idetur saris

secretus

uuzrTL\: l"ndl' isre no\"us pudor? Est mihi museion."' 1 ubi n:puno mundum meum. locus adto

obscurus, ur vix l',L;"o tc visura sim. aur

:-.tiP11.:

uT

tl

mt

Circumspice rimas omnts.

?\e musca quidem. me<.1 lux, Quid cuncraris?

fallt:mus htic oculos Dci?

~oPJJ.:

u c: Nt:quaquam: ilk perspicir omnia

.:-OP!J: Er <H\~t!orum?
'-< lPH:

Thi.s pL!ce doe:m

t StT:11

secrt:t tnough to mt

Ll"( :

H(m come} ou

\Vt!L comt w my privart dressing room Ir s so dark wt shall scarctl}

Sl'l"

fl

so b.1shful all

Examint tn:ry chink uc : Then. . s nor a single chink ~OP!!: Is rhert nobody

ntar

oncL"?

Jt

each orher there

:-0P1r.:

rn hl~.1r us:

UT.:

0;or su much as a fl;.. m;. dt;iresr. \\'"h;. ;.~re you hesirnring? ~OP!!: Can we escape thl e;.c ofGud here?
u< : Of course not: lw Sl'.t:.:i cYc.:r;.thing :--c1Pil.: And the anp:ds:

uncertain. in Erasmus's Colloqilid. "whether one is listening ro a Christian or a

heathen" And in later evaluations of this opposing work from a strictly Catholic
carnp rhe same phenomenon appears." Ir will suffice ro introduce the work as ir
was reflected in a judgement from 1911 '"
In Morisorns girls. maidens, and women play a srill greater rolt rhan in Erasmus In a
lari.;t number of dialogues rhey are rht sole speakers. and rheir convtrsarions. which
ev;n in rhe firsr and second books are by no means always quire harmless, ofren revohe
in rhe last r\\o:'around such risky marrers rhar we can only shake our heads and
ask: Diel rht stern Morisorns wrire chis for his son' Could he be so sure char rhe boy
would really only read and srnch rhe lacer books when ht had reached rhe age for which
rhe, were intended? Admirredly. we should nor forger char rhe sixreenrh century knew
lirrit of prudery. and frequently enough presented irs scholars wirh material in rheir
exercise books char our pedagogues would gladly do wirhom. Bur another question!
How did i\Iorisows imagine rhe use of such dialogues in practice' Boys. yomhs and
men could never use as a model for speaking Larin such a conversation in which rhere
arc only fcmalt: speakers Therefore has nor i\Iorisows. no berrer rhan rhe despised
Erasmus. lose sighr of rht didacric purpose of rhe book'

The question is nor difficult to answec

5. Erasmus himself nevtr "lost sight of his didactic purpose" His commentary
De 11ti!i!dte col!oq11irmm1 shows this quire unequivocally. In it he makes explicit
what kind of didactic purpose was attached to his "conversations" or, more
exactly. what he wanted to convey to the young man" On the conversarion of rhe
young man with the prosrirure, for example, ht says: "\'Vhar could I have said
rhar would have been more effective in bringing home to rhe young man rhe
need for modesty, and in bringing girls our of such dangerous and infamous
houses'" No, he never lost sight of his pedagogical purpose; he merely had a
clifrerent standard of shame. He wanted ro show the young man rhe world as in
a mirror; ht wanted to teach him what muse be avoided and whar was conducino
w a tranquil life: "In senili colloquia quam mulra velm in speculo exhibentur.
guae, vel fugienda sunt in vira. ve! viram reddunt rranquillam!"
The same intention undoubtedly also underlay rhe conversations of J\forisotus,
and a similar attitude appeared in many other educational writings of the rime.
Thty all set om ro "introduce rhe boy to life". as Erasmus pm ir. 8 ' Bur by this
they meant the life of adults. In later periods there was an increasing tendency
ro tell and show children how rhey ought and ought nor to behave. Here they
were shown, by introducing chem ro life. how adults ought and ought nor ro
behave. This was rhe difference, And one did nor behave here in rhis way, there
in rhar, as a result of theoretical reflection. For Erasmus and his contemporaries
ic was a matter of course to speak ro children in this way" Even though
subservient and socially dependent, boys lived from an early age in the same
social sphere as adults. And adults did nor impose upon themselves either in
anion or in words rhe same degrte of restraint with regard ro the sexual life as

148

Changes i11 the Btlh1l'io11r of the Semlar Uj1pu Clc1ssc.r in the \Yiest

The Cil'ilizi11g Procc:.r.r

lacer In keeping with the different srnre of restraint of feelings produced in the
individual by rhe structure of human relations, the icb1 of srricdy concealing these
drives in secrecy and intimacy was largely alien ro adults themselves. Ail chis made
rhe disrnnce between rhe beha\ioural and emociom1l standards of adulcs and
children smaller from rhe OLltStt. \x/e see again and again how important it is for
an undersranding of the earlier psychic consrimrion and our own to observe the
increase of this distance, rhe gradual formation of the peculiar segregated area in
which people gradually came to spend rhe first twelve, fifteen, and now almosr
twenty years of their lives. The biological development of humans in earlier
rimes will nor have taken a very different course from today. Only in relation ro
chis social change can we better understand the \vhole problem of "growing up"
as it appears roday, and with ir such special problems as char of rhe "infantile
residues .. in the personality structure of grown-ups. The more pronounced
difference between rhe dress of children and adults in our rime is only a
particularly visible expression of chis development. Ir, roo, was minimal ar
Erasmus's rime and for a long period thereafter.
6. To an observer from more recent rimes, it seems surprising char Erasmus in
his Cdlr11j11it.r should speak at all ro a child of prostitutes and rhe houses in which
they lived. In our phase of a civilizing process it seems immoral even to
<lCknowledge rht existence of such institutions in a schoolbook. They certainly
exist as enclaves even in che society of rhe nineteenth and twentieth centuries.
Bue the fear and shame wich which rhe sexual area of rhe life of drives, like many
ochers, is surrounded from the earliest years, rhe .. conspiracy of silence .. observed
on such macrers in social relations, are as good as complete . The mere mention
of such opinions and institutions in social life is forbidden, and references ro
them in rhe presence of children are a crime, a soiling of rhe childish mind, or
at lease a conditioning error of the gravest kind.
In Erasmus's rime it was rnken equally for granted char children knew of rhe
existence of these insrimrions. No one concealed them. Ar most rhev were
warned about them. Erasmus did just rhaL If we read only rhe pedagogicai books
of rhe time, rhe mt>ntion of such social institutions can easily appear as an idea
emanating from an individual If we see how the children actuallv lived with
adults, and how small was the wall of secrecy between adults rh~mselves and
therefore also between adults and children, we comprehend char conversations
like those of Erasmus and Morisotus relate direct! y to the standard of their rimes.
They could reckon with rht fact that children knew about all this; it was taken
for granted. They saw it as their rask as educators to show children how they
ought to conduct themselves in the face of such institutions
.
Ir may not stem ro amount to very- much ro say that such houses were spoken
about quire openly at rhe universities. All the same, people generally went w
university a good deal younger than today And it illustrates rhe theme of chis
whole chapter ro point out that the prostitute was a ropic even of comic public

1-!9

c eeches at uni\ersiries In 1500 a Master of Arts at Heidelberg spoke "De fide

!eretricum in suos amarores .. (On rhe fidelity of courtesans ro their paramours).
another De fide concubim1rum" (On the fidelity of concubines), a third "On the
monopoly of rhe guild of swine ... or "De generibus ebriosorum er ebrierate
1

..

sq

viranaa
,;\ncl exactly the same phenomenon is apparent in many sermons of the rime;
rhere is no indication that children were excluded from chem . This form of
extrnmarirnl rehirionship was cerrainly disapproved of in ecclesiastical and many
secular circles. Bur the social prohibition was nor yet imprinted as a self restraint
in individuals ro rhe extent that it was embarrassing even to speak about it in
public. Society had nor yet outlawed every utterance that showed th:lt one knew
anything about such things.
This difference becomes even clearer if one considers the position of prostitutes
in medieval rowns. As is the case roday in many societies outside Europe, they
had rheir own very definite place in rhe public life of the medieval town. There
were rowns in which they ran races on festival clays. They were frequently sent
ro welcome distinguished visirors. In 1438. for example, the protocols of the city
accounts of Vienna read: "For the wine for the common women 96 Kreurzers.
Item, for the women who went to meet rhe king, 96 Kreurzers for wine ... " 1 Or
rhe mayor and council gave distinguished visitors free access to the brothel. In
143-i the Emperor Sigismund publicly thanked the city magistrate of Bern for
purring rhe brothel free! y at the disposal of himself and his attendants for three
Jays ~ 2 This, like a banquet, formed part of rhe hospiraliry offered to highranking guests.

The venal women formed within city life a corporation with certain rights and
obligations, like any other professional body. And like any other professiomtl
group. they occasionally defended themselves against unfair competition. In
1500, for example, a number of them went ro the mayor of a German town and
complained about another house in which rhc profession to which their house
had rhe sole public rights was practised. The mayor gave them permission ro
enter chis house; they smashed everything and bear rhe landlady. On another
occasion they dragged a comperiror from her house and forced her to live in
theirs
In a word, their social posi rion was similar to char of rhe executioner, lowly
and despised, bur entirely public and not surrounded with secrecy. This form of
extramarital relationship becween man and woman had nor yet been removed
"behind rhe scenes" .
7 To a cerrnin extent, this also applied ro sexual relations in general, even
marital ones. \'Vedding cusroms alone give us an idea of chis. The procession into
the bridal chamber was led by the best men. The bride was undressed by the
bridesmaids; she had ro rake off all finery. The bridal bed had ro be mounted in
the presence of witnesses if rhe marriage w:is to be rnlid They were "laid

150

The. Cizi!i2ing Prf;(crs

wgecher" u' "Once in bed you are righdy wed", che saying went . In cht lacer
Middle Ages chis cusrnm i:'radual!y changed w che excent chac che couple was
allowed co lie on che bed in cheir cloches . No doubc chest cusrnms varied
somtwhac btcween classes and countries. All che same. che old form was recained
in Llibeck. for example. up w che firsc decade of che se\enceemh cenwry "' Even
in che absolmisc sociecy of France, bride and bridegroom were taken rn bed bv
che guescs. undressed. ,1nd given cheir nighcdress All rhis is symprnmaric of~
diHerem standard of shame concerning the relacions of che sexes. And chrough
chest examples one gains a clearer percepcion of che specific scandard of shame
which slowly became preclominanc in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries. In
this period, even among adulcs. everything pertaining rn sexual lift was
concealed rn a high degree and dismissed behind the scenes. This is why it is
possible, and also necessary. ta conceal this side of lift for a long period from
children . In the preceding phases the relations between the sexes. together with
the instiwcions embracing them. were far more directly incorporated inrn public
lite. Hence it was more natural for children rn be familiar \vi ch this side of lite
from an early age From che point of view of condicioning. there was no need ro
burden this sphere wich rnboos and secrecy co the excent that became necessary
in the la[tr srnge of civilization. with i[s difterem standard of bthaviour
.
In coun-ariswcra[iC society. stxual life was cerrninly a good deal more
concealed chan in mtditval sociecy \Vhat tht observer from a bourgtoisindus[rial socie[y often interpre[S as the "frivoliC\" of court socie[\' was nmhing
other dnn this shift wward concealmenc Nevenheless. mea~urecl bv [h~
standard of control of [ht impulses in bourgeois socie[y itself. che conceaiment
and stgregacion of sexuali[y in social life, as in consciousness, was rtla[ively
slight in [his phase. Htre too, the judgement of people in a later phase often goes
astray. because chev set cheir own srnndards againsc courtly-arisrncra[ic ones,
seeing bmh as someching absoluct. rather chan as imerlinking phases in a
movement, and [hey nuke cheir own srnndarcls the measure of all mhers.
In courc society. too, [ht rela[ive openness with which the natural funnions
were discussed an'iong aclulcs, corrtsponded rn a greater lack of inhibition in
speech and anion in che presence of children There are numerous examplts of
[his. To takt a panicularly illusuative one. ditrt lived ac [ht coun in che
seventeenth cenmry a licde Mlle de Bouillon who was six years old. The ladies
of the court were wont to convtrse with her, and one day [hey played a joke on
her: [hey cried to persuade [ht young lady she was pregnant. The li[[lt girl
denied it. She defended herself. It was absolutely impossible. she said. and [hey
argued back and fonh . But [hen one day on waking up she found a newborn
child in her bed She was amazed; and she said in her innocence, "So [his has
happened only rn the Holy Virgin and me; for I did nm feel any pain Her
words were passed round, and [hen the li[[le affair became a di\ersion for die
whole courc.. The child recei\ed ,isi[S. as was cuswman- on such occasions. The

151
Queen l1ers elf came rn_ console her. and w. offer herself as cl!Odmother co the _baby
"in1e went runher: the licde c\.':Irl was 1)rtssecl w sav. who was [ht father
i\.n d t l1 t "''
' rhe child Finally. after a period of suenuous reflection. she reached die
be tht Kin\.':
or che_ Coum de Guiche. since ditj
1- 1.on chu it could onlv
one-1 L,

,
~,vere
. [11 c c111 Jv [WO men who had 'l!iven
her
a
kiss."' Nobodv wok this joke amiss
--o

Ir fell entirely within che existing standard No one saw in it a danger co tht
ad<1p [,,''t.ion of the child to chis srnnclard. or ro her spiriwal puritv,
. and it was

rl\
not
seen
as
in
anv
wav
comradictin\.':
her
relil!ious
education
. _
c1ea .'

.__
._
.
8. Only very gradually. subsequendy. did a suonger associacion of sexuality
wi[h shame and embarrassmenc. and a corresponding rescrainc of beha,iour.
spread more or less evenly over che whole of socie[y. And only when the distance
between adults and children grew did "'sex educa[ion.. become an "'acme
problem"
Above. tht cricicism ofErasmuss CfJ!!oq11iu by che well-known pedagogue Von
Rcmmer was quoted. The picture of this whole curve of development becomes
even clearer if we see how [ht problem of sexual education. the adaprn[ion of [ht
child rn the srandarcl of his own [Raumer's] society. posed i[self rn this educacor
Jn 1857. Von Raumer published a short work called The Ecl11ct1tion rf Girl.r. \Vhat
he prescribed in it (p . 7 2) as a behavioural model for adul[s in answering [ht
sexual ques[ions of their children was cerrninly no[ che only possible form of
behaviour at his time: neverrheless. i[ was highly characceris[ic of che standard of
rhe nineteenth century, in the insuuction of both girls and boys:
Some morhers are of rhe opinion. fun<lamenrnlly perverse in my \'itw, thar daughcers
should be given insighr inro all family circumsrances. tvtn inro rhe rtlarions of che
sexes. and iniriartd imo rhings char will fall rn rheir lor in rhe e\em char rhey should
marry. following rhe txample of Rousseau. chis view degeneran:d rn rhe coarsesr and
n1osc repulsiYt caricacure in che philanrhropi:;r uf Dtss~1u. Ochl'.r n1ucht:rs exaggerate in
rhe opposire dirccrion by celling girls rhings which. as soon as che\ grow older. muse
reveal rhemselves as rnrally false. As in all ocher cases, chis is reprehensible Thc.r,
.rhol!!d 11r1r /;:, !ffi!(htd !!/Jon a! :di in thr: J1rts,nc, 1f d1ildrtll. kast of all in a secretive -:vay
which is liable tu arouse curiosiry Children should be lefr for as long as is ar all
possible in rhe btlief char an angel brings rhe morht:r her linle children. This legtnd.
cusron1arv in son1e regions. is for btrcer rhan tht srory
the stork con-1n1on tlsewhert
Children: if rhey realh grow up under rheir morhtr s eyes. will seldom ask forward
quesrions on chis poim
nor tYen if rhe mother is pre\enrtd by a childbirch from
hming rhem abom her
If i:irls should lacer ask how link childn:n really come inrn
rhe world. rhey should be rnlcl rhar rhe good Lord giYes rhe morher her child, who h<Ls
a guardian angel in heaYen who cerrninly played an invisible pan in bringing us rhis
grear joy "You do nor need rn know nor could you undersrand how God giYes
childreo .. Girls muse be sarisfied with such answers in a hundred rnses, and ir is che
mmhers cask rn occupy her daughters' rhoughrs so incessancly wirh rhe good and
heamiful char che1 are lefr no rime ro brood on such marrers
A morher
oughr
only once rn say s;riously: "Ir would nor be good for you rn know such a rhing, and you

or

152

Th, Cil'i!i:.i11g Procc.;s

should rake care not rn listen w anything said about it, A truly well-brought-up girl
will rrom then on fetl shame at htaring things of this kind spoken of

Berwttn the manner of speaking abom sexual relations represenred by Erasmus

and that represenred here by Von Raumer. a civilization-curve is visible which is
similar to chat shown in more derail in rhe expression of ocher impulses. In the
ci,ilizing process, sexualiry. coo, has been increasingly removed behind the
scenes of social life and enclosed in a particular enclave. rhe nuclear family.
Likewise. rhe relarions berween rhe sexes have been hemmed in, placed behind
walls in consciousness. An aura of embarrassmem, rhe expression of a sociogeneric fear, came ro surround chis sphere of life. Even among adulrs it was
referred co officially only wirh camion and circumlocurions, And wirh children
parricularly girls, such rhings were, as far as possible. nor referred to ar all. Vo~
Raumer gave no reason why one oughr nor to speak of chem with children. He
could have said it was desirable to preserve the spirimal purity of girls for as long
as possible Bm even chis reason was only anorher expression of how far rhe gradual
submergence of these impulses in shame and embarrassmem had advanced br chis
rime, Ir was now as namral nor to speak of rhese matters as ir was to speak of.them
in Erasmus's rime,. And the fact that borh rhe wirnesses invoked here, Erasmus and
Von Raumer, were serious Chrisrians who rook rheir aurhorirr from Goel further
underlines the difference.
.

Ir is clear! y not "rational .. motives char underlay rhe model pm forward by

Von Raumer,. Considered rarionally. rhe problem confroming him seems
unsolved, and what he said appears comraclicrory.. He did nor explain how and
when rhe young girl should be made co unclersrancl whar was happening and
would happen to her. The primary concern was rhe necessirv of insrillina
b
"moclesry" (i e . feelings of shame. fear, embarrassment and (.Wilt) or, more
precist!y, behaviour conforming co rhe social srnnclard,, And Lone feels how
infinitely difficult ir was for rhe educaror himself to overcome rhe resistance of
die shame and embarrassment which surrounded this sphere for him. One
clerecrs somerhing -of- rht deep confusion in which this social developmenr had
placed people; the only advice char rht educaror was able ro give mothers was to
avoid contact wirh these things wherever possible. \Vhar is involved here is nor
rhe lack of insighr or rhe inhibition of a parricular person: ir is a social. nor an
individual problem. Only gradually, as if through insighr gained rerrospecrively,
were better methods evolved for adapring rhe child ro the high degree of sexual
resrraim, ro the comrol, rransformarion and inhibition of these drives char were
totally indispensable for life in this sociery,
Von Raumer himself in a sense saw char chis area of life ou<hr
nor ro be
b
surrounded wirh an aura of secrecy '\vhich is liable to arouse curiosirv". Bur as
this had become a "secret" area in his socierv, he could nor escape rh~ necessity
of secrecy in his own preceprs: "A morher . oughr only once ro say seriously:

Ch1mg,;s i11 the Bul.Jcn'in!!r of thu Swtlar Uf'f'tr Classes i11 the \Vist
'It would nor be good for you ro know such a thing, . " Neither
motives nor practical reasons primarily derermined this attirucle. bm
shame of adulrs rhemselves, which had become compulsive Ir was
prohibitions and resistances within themselves, rheir own "superego",

153

"rarional"
rather rhe
rhe social
char made

them keep silenr,

For Erasmus and his comemporaries, as we have seen, rhe problem was nor
rh,ir of enlighrening rhe child on the relations of men and women, Children
found our abom chis of their own accord through the kind of social insrirurions
and social life in which they grew up. As rhe reserve of adulrs was less, so roo was
the discrepancy between what was permirred openly and whar rook place behind
the scenes Here rhe chief rnsk of the educaror was ro guide rhe child, within
whar it already knew, in rhe correcr direction-or, more precisely, rhe direction
desired by the eclucaror. This was what Erasmus sought co do rhrough conversations like char of the girl with her suiror or the youth wirh rhe prosrirure, And rhe
success of rhe book shows rhar Erasmus struck the righr note for many of his
com em poraries.
As in rhe course of the civilizing process the sexual drive, like many ochers,
has been subjected ro ever srricrer comrol and re-modelling, the problem ir poses
changes, The pressure placed on adults ro privatize all their impulses (parricularly sexual ones), the "conspiracy of silence", the socially generated resrricrions
on speech, the emotionally charged character of most words relating ro sexual
urges-all this builds a thick wall of secrecy around the growing child. \Vhar
makes sexual enlighrenment-rhe breaching of chis wall, which will one clay be
necessary-so clifficulr is not only rhe need to make the growing child conform
w rhe same sranclarcl of resrraim and comrol over drives as rhe adulr. Ir is, above
all, rhe mental srrucrure of the aclulrs rhemselves char makes speaking abom
these secret rhings difficult, Very often adults have neirher the rone nor the
words. The "dirty" words they know are om of rhe question. The medical words
are unfamiliar to many. Theorerical considerations in rhemselves do not help. Ir
is the sociogeneric repressions in them chat lead ro resistance to speaking. Hence
the advice given by Von Raumer to speak on these matters as little as possible,
And chis siruation is further exacerbated by rhe fact that rhe tasks of condirioning and "enlightenment" fall more and more exclusively ro parems. The manysicled love relarionships between mother, father and child rend ro increase
resistance to speaking abom these questions, not only on the pan of the child bm
also on that of the father or morher.
Ir is clear from this how the question of childhood is ro be posed,, The
psychological problems of the growing person cannot be unclersrood if individuals are regarded as developing uniformly in all hisrorical epochs. The problems
relating to rhe child's consciousness and drive-economy vary with the namre of
the relations of children to adulrs. These relations have in each sociery a specific
form corresponding ro the peculiarities of irs structure They are clifferem in

The Cizi!i:i11g P1r1c1:s.1

155

knightly society from rhose in urban bourgeois socien:

. chev. are different in the
whole secular society of che Middle Ages from chose of modern times. Therefore

class ot.ctn called themselves "bascarcl .. ex1Jressh_ and 1;rouclh. is well enough

che problems arising from che adaptation and moulding of growing children t~

known.

che standard of adults-for example, che specific problems of pubtrt\" in our

civilized society-can only be underscood in relation co rhe hisrorical phase, the

of
cenw rlc:s derived its special character from che face chac. through
. ~ the scruccure
.
rhese societies. che dominance of che husband over che wife was broken for che

structure of society as a whole. which demands and maintains chis standard of

- cime . The social !}OWer of che wife was almost equal to chat of the husband.
nrst
degree
bv women. And whereas societ\.
l opinion was determined ro a high
~
v
Sooa
h:id hirherco acknowledged only che extramarital relationships of men. regarding
rhose of the socially "weaker sex" as more or less reprehensible. the extramarital

adult behaviour and rhis special form of relationship between adults and
children.
9 A civilizing curve analogous to rhac which appears through che question of
"sex education .. could also be shown in re lac ion ro marriage and ics development
in \Xiescern society. Thar monogamous marriage is che predominant inscicution
regulating sexual relations in che \Vest is undoubtedly correct in general cerms.
Nevertheless, the actual control and moulding of sexual relations has changed

~!arriage

in che absolucisc court societies of che seventeenth and eighteenth

relarionships of women now appeared, in keeping wich che transformation of the

balance of social power becween che sexes, as legicimact within cenain limits.

le remains co be shown in greater clecail how decisive chis first power-gain or,
if one likes, chis first wave of emancipation of women in absolmisc court society

considerably in che course of \Xiescern history. The Church certainly fought ear!v

was for che civilizing process, for the advance of cht frontier of shame and

for monogamous marriage. Bur marriage rook on this strict form as a soci;I

embarrassment and for the strengthening of social control over individuals .

inscicucion binding on boch sexes only ac a lace stage, when drives and impulses

Along wich chis power-gain. che social ascent of ocher social groups necessiraced

came under firmer and stricter control For only chen were excramariral relation-

new forms of drive control for all ac a lewl midway between chose previously

ships for men really ostracized socially, or ac lease subjected co absolute secreC\.
In earlier phases, depending on che balance of social power between che sexe~,

imposed on che rulers and che ruled respectively, so chis strengthening of che
social position of women signified (ro express che point schematically) a decrease

excramarical relationships for men and sometimes also for women were caken

in the restrictions on their drives for women and an increase in che rescriccions

more or less for granted by secular society. Up ro che sixteenth cenrurv we bear

on cheir drives for men. Ac che same cime, ic forced both men and women to

ofren enough chat in che families of the mosc honourable citizens che l.egicimate

adopt a new and a stricter self-discipline in their relations with one another.

and illegicimace children of che husband were brought up rogecher; nor was anv

In che famous novel La P1i11ecss1: dt Cli:zu, by Madame de la Fayecce. che

secret made of cht difference before che children themselves. The man was no.t

Princess's husband, who knew his wife ro be in love wich che Due cit Nemours,

yec forced socially ro feel ashamed of his excramarical relationships. Despite all
the countervailing tendencies chat undoubtedly alreadv existed, ic was verv often
taken for gramecl char die bascarcl children were a p;1rc of cbe familv.

cl~ac

che

savs: "I shall cruse only in you; ic is che path my heart counsels me ro cake. and

al~()

my reason. \Vich a temperament like yours. hy lmzi11g y1J11 )1Ji!r !ilmty I sd

111n-rr;zct:r

)IJ!t

!iwirs than I could enforce .... "'

father should provide for their future and, in che case of daughters, ;1rrange an

This is an example of che characceriscic pressure coward self-di sci pl int

honourable wedding. Bm no doubt chis led more than once co serious "misunclerscanding .. % b.ecween che married couples.

imposed on cht sexes by chis situation. The husband knows chat he cannot hold

The sirnacion of che illegicimace child was noc alwars and even-where cht
same throughom the Middle Ages . For a long cime, nev.erchtless,

d~ere was no

trace of the tendency cowards secrecy which corresponds lacer, in proftssionalbourgeois society, ro the tendency cowards a scriccer confinement of sexualit\' ro
the relationship of one man co one woman, ro che stricter control of se~ual

his wife by force. He does noc ram or expostula(e because his wife loves anochtr,
nor dots he appeal ro his rig hes as a husband . Public opinion would support none
of chis . He restrains himself Bm in doing so ht expects from her che same selfdiscipline as he imposes on himself This is a very characceriscic example of che
new cons(ellacion chat comes inco being wich che lessening of social inequality
between che sexes. Fundarnemally, iris not rhe individual husband who gives his

impulses, and ro che stronger pressure of social prohibitions Here, coo, the

wift chis freedom. Ir is founded in che structure of society itself Bur ic also

demands of che Church cannot be taken as a measure of che real scanclarcl of

secular society.. In reality, if noc alwavs in law, che situation of che illegicimace

demands a new kind of behaviour. Ir produces very specific conflicts. And chere

children in a family differed from

cha~ of che

legicimace children onlv in ~chac che

are ctrcainly enough women in chis society who make use of chis freedom" There
is plentiful evidence chat in chis cour( aristocracy che rescriccion of sexual

\~ealch. or at

relationships ro marriage was very often regarded as bourgeois and as noc in

lease noc che same pare of ic as che legitimate children Thac people in the upper

keeping with cheir escace. Never(heless, all chis gives an idea of how directly a

former did noc inherit che srarns of che father nor in general his

156

The C il'i!i:i11g Proo:_;_;

specific kind of freedom corresponds to particular forms and stages of social

interdependence among human beings.
The non-dynamic linguiscic forms to which we are scill bound today oppose
freedom and conscraim like heaven and htll From a short-term point of view,
this chinking in absolme opposites is ofren reasonably adequate. For someone in
prison the world outside che prison walls is a world of fretdom. But considered
mort precisely, chere is, contrary ro what antitheses such as chis one suggest, no
such ching as "absolute" freedom, if this means a rota! independence and absence
of social constraint. There is a liberncion from one form of consrraim that is
oppressive or inrolernble ro another which is less burdensome. Thus the
civilizing process, despite the rransformacion and increased constraint that it
imposes on the emotions, goes hand in hand wich liberacions of the most diverse
kinds. The form of marriage at the absolutist courts, symbolized by the same
arrangement of living rooms and bedrooms for men and women in the mansions
of che court aristocracy, is one of many examples of this. The woman was more
free from external consrraims than in feuclal society But the inner constraint, the
self-control which she had rn impose on herself in accordance with the form of
integration and the code of behaviour of court society, and which stemmed from
the same structural features of this society as her "liberation", had increased for
\vomen as for men in comparison to knightly sociecy
The case is similar if rhe bourgeois form of marriage of the nineteenth century
is comparecl wich that of rhe court aristocracy of the seventeenth and eighteenth
centuries. In this later period, the bourgeoisie as a whole became freed from the
pressures of the absolurisr-estates social structure. Both bourgeois men and
bourgeois women were now relieved of the external constraints to which they
were subjected as second-rare people in the hierarchy of estates. Bur the
interweaving of trade and money, the growth of which had given them che social
power to liberate themselves, had increased In chis respecc, the social constraints
on individuals were also scronger chan before. The pa((ern of self-restraim
imposed on che people of bourgeois sociecy chrough cheir occupacional work was
in many respeccs different from che pauern imposed on the emocional life by rhe
funccions of courc society. For many aspeccs of rhe "emocional economy",
bourgeois funccions-above all, business life-demand and produce greacer selfrescraint chan courdy funccions. \'Vhy che level of development, why-to express
it more precisely-che occupacional work char became a general way of life wich
the rise of che bourgeoisie should necessirnte a particularly scrict disciplining of
sexuality is a quescion in its own right.. The lines of connection becween the
modelling of che drive-economy and the social scrucrure of che nineceenth
cenmry cannoc be considered here. However, by the srandard of bourgeois
society, che control of sexuality and the form of marriage prevalem in court
society appear extremely lax Social opinion now severely condemned all
excramarical relations becween the sexes, chough here, unlike che siruacion in

Cht111g.:s in tin: Bth,nio11r of tin Sw1!t1r

Upper Classes in tht \Fest

15 7

. cierv, che social power of che husband was again greacer than chat of che
coun so
,
.
.
.
.
so thac violac10n of the rnboo on excramanral relanonsh1ps by che husband
. usually judged more leniendy chan che same offence by women Bm boch
\\a5 1es now had w be emireh excluded from official social life. Unlike chose in
breac 1

.
.
. -ierv rhev had ro be removed scricd v behrnd che scenes. barn shed to che
courr ,uL . '
.
.
.
. . . . .
f secrecv. This is onlv one of manv examples of the rncrease rn rnh1bltlon
I O
ream

, nd self-resrrainc which individuals now had ro impose on chemselves.

,!
lO. The civilizing process does nor follow a scraighr line. The general trend of
.,e can be decermined as has been done here . On a smaller scale lhere are the
cI1ant'
mosc diverse criss-cross movements, shifts and spurcs in this or that direction
Bm if we consider che movement over large rime spans, we set clearly how cht
compulsions arising directly from che chreat of weapons and physical force have
araduallv diminished, and how chose forms of dependency which lead w che
~gulari~n of che affeccs in che form of self-comm!, gradually increased . This
ch~'ll1ge appears ac ics most unilinear if we observe che men of che upper class of
,my givtn cime-d1ac is, che class composed first of wamors or knighcs, chen of
co~ir~iers, and chen of professional bourgeois. If che whole many-layered fabric of
hisrorical development is considered. however. che movemem is seen to be
intinicely more complex. In each phase chere are numerous flucmations. frequem
advances or recessions of rhe internal and excernal conscraims An observacion of
such flucrnacions. parcicubrly chose close to us in rime, can easily obscure che
general crend. One such flucmacion is present today in che memories of all: in the_
period following \Vorld \Var I, as compared w che pre-war period. a "relaxation of
morals" appears w have occurred. A number of conscraints imposed on behaviour
before che war have weakened or disappeared emirt!y.. 1fany chings forbidden
earlier are now permicced. And. seen at close quarcers. che movemem seems rn be
proceeding in che direction opposice to that shown here: ic seems to lead to a
relaxation of che constraints imposecl on individuals by social lift . Bm on closer
examinacion ic is nor difficulr w perceive char chis is merely a very slighc
recession. one of che fluctuacions char constantly arise from the complexicy of che
hisrnrical movement wichin each phase of the roral process.
One example is baching manners. Ir would have meam social ostracism in che
nineceenth cemury for a woman rn wear in public one of rhe barbing cosrumes
commonplace roday. Bm chis change. and wirh it the whole spread of sports for
men and \vomen. presupposes a very high standard of drive control. Only in a
society in which a high degree of rescraim is raken fi:ir granted. and in which
women are. like men. absolmely sure char each individual is curbed by selfconrrol and a scricc code of eciquene. can bathing and sponing cusrnms having
chis relacivt degree of freedom develop. Ir is a relaxarion which remains wichin
rhe framework of a panicular "civilized" srnndard of behaviour involving a very
high degree of automacic conscraim and affecc cransformarion. conditioned to
become a habic

158

The

Ac che same cime. howen:r. we also find in our own cime che precursors of a
shifr wwards che culrivarion of new and srricrer consrrainrs. In a number of
societies there art arremprs ro establish a social regulation and management of
d1t emorions far srronger and more: conscious rhan rht standard prevalent
hirhtrro. a pattern of moulding rhar imposes renunciations and rransfrirmarion of
drives on individuals with vast consequences for human life which are scarcely
fortseeable as yer

11 Regardless. rherefore. of how much rhe tendencies may criss-cross. advance

and recede. relax or righten in matters of derail and from a short-term
perspecrin:. rhe direction of the main mowment-as far as ir is visible up ro
now-has been the same for the expression of all kinds of driw. The process of
ci\ilization of rhe sex driw. seen on a large scale. has run parallel ro those oforher
drives. no matter what sociogenetic differences of derail may always be present.
Here, t00. measured in terms of the srandards of the men of successive upper
classes. control has grown ever srricrer . The drive has been slowly but progressively
suppressed from the public life of society The reserve that must be exercised in
speaking of it has also increased.'"' And this restraint. likt all others. is enforced
!tss and less by direcr physical force. Ir is culrirnrtd in inc!i\ic!uals from an tar!y
age as habirnal self-restraint by rhe srrucrure of social life. by the pressure of
social instirnrions in general. and by certain executive organs of society (above
all. the family) in particular. Correspondingly, the social commands and prohibitions become increasingly a part of rhe self_ a strictly rtgulared superego
Like many other dri\es. sexuality is confined more and more exclusi\ely. nor
only for women bm for men as well, ro a particular enclave, socially legitimized
marriage. Social wlerance of other relationships, for both husband and wife,
which was by no means lacking earlier. is suppressed increasing!)". if with
flucrnarions Every violation of rhc:se restrictions. and e\ernhing concluciw to
one. is rhertfort rdtgated to cht realm of secrtcy. of what mav nor Ik menrioned
wirhom loss of prestige or social position
And just as the nuclear family only very gradually became. so txclusin:l), the
sole legitimate enclave of sexuality and of all intimate funcrions for men and
women. so it was only ar a recent stage that it became so decisi\ely rhe primary
organ for culrirnring the socially required control over impulses and bdiaviour in
young people. Before this degree of restraint and intimacy was reached. and until
the separation of the life of drives from public view was strictly enforced. the cask
of early conditioning did nor fall so heavily on father and morher. All the people
wirh whom the child came into contact-and when intimizarion \ms less
advanced and rhe interior of the house less isolated. they were often quire
numerous-played a part. In addition. rhe family itself was usually larger andin rhe upper classes-the servants more numerous in earlier rimes. People in
general spoke more openly about rhe \arious aspecrs of the life of drives. and
gave way more freely in speech and <lCtion rn their own impulses. The shame

l59
s-xu1lit1"
less This is what makes Erasmus's educational
., 00are cl \\,rh
t
c. '"
. w1s
t
isso difliculr for I'tch!-'.o"ues
of a larer !)hast ro unJersrnnd.
ark quorec! ibC)\e
'
, '~ c.
;nd

conditioning. rhe reproduction of social habits in d1t child.did nor rake

exclusively bt:hind closed doors. as it were. bur tar more directly lll the
.
unrvpical
picrnre
resence u-f other IJtOjJle A bv no means
_
.. of this
. kind
_ of
p
1

riinu
in
rhe
U!J[Jer
class
can
be
tound.
tor
example,
lll
the
diary
of
rhe
cone iuo
c
in
He'ro-1rd
which
records
dav
bv
dav
and
almost
hour
b\
hour
the
donor ..Te '
'
.
50

50

,.
childhood of Louis XIII. what ht did and said as he grew up.
Ir is nor withom a wuch of paradox that the greater the transrormarrnn.
rncl
conceilment
of drives and impulses
that is . demanded
conrro l . r"stnint
c
..
'
..
..
.
.
,
of individuals by society. and therefore rhe more difhculr rhe conclmon111g or
young becomes. the more rhe rnsk of first in~rilling socially re:uired habits is
~oncenrrarecl within rhe nuclear family. on rhe tarher and mother. _I he mecha111sm
ot. cone1ri"onin,,
1
b' howewr , is still srnrcelv
. different than in earlier nmes . For ir does
not involve a closer supervision of rhe task. or more exacr planning that rakes
account of rhe special circumstances of rhe child. bur is effecrecl primarily by
automatic means and t0 some extent through reflexes . The socially patterned_
consrellarion of habits and impulses of rhe parents gives rise t0 a consrellarion of
habits and impulses in rhe child; these may operate either in rhe same direction
or in one entirely different from rhar desired or expected by the parents on the
basis of their own conditioning. The interweaving of the habits of parents and
children, rhrough which the drive economy of rhe child is slowly moulded and
viven irs character is, in other words, only t0 a slight extent determined by
:~reason Behaviour and words associated by the parent with shame and
repugnance are very soon associated in the same way by the children, through the
parents' expressions of displeasure. their more or less gentle pressure; in this way
rbe social standard of shame and repugnance is gradually reproduced 111 the
children. But such a standard forms at rhe same rime rhe basis and framework of
the most diverse individual drive formations, How the growing personality is
fashioned in particular cases by rhis incessant social interaction between die
parents and children's feelings. habits and reactions is at present largely
unforeseeable and incalculable ro parents.
1..2. The trend of the ciYilizing moYemenr rowards tht stronger and stronger
and more complete "inrimizarion of all bodily funcrions. wwards their enclosure
in particular enclaves, ro put them "behind closed doors". has din:rsc: consequences . One of the most important. which has already been obserwd in
connection with various other forms of drives. is seen particularly clearly in the
case of rhe development of civilizing restraints on sexuality. Ir is the peculiar
division in human beings which becomes more pronounced rhe more sharply
rhose as peers of human life rhat may be publicly displayed are divided from those
rhar may nor. and which must remain "intimate" or "secret" Sexuality. like all

160
rhe ocher narnral human funcrions, is a phenomenon known ro everyone and a
parr of each human life. \\le have seen how all rhese funcrions have graduallir
become charged wirh sociogeneric shame and embarrassmem, so rhar rhe me;e
memion of rhem in public is increasingly resrricred by a mulriwde of conrrols
and prohibirions. More and more, people keep rhe funcrions rhemselves, and all
reminders of rhem, concealed from one anorhec \\!here rhis is nor possible-as
in weddings, for example-shame. embarrassmem, fear and all rhe orher
emorions associared wirh rhese driving forces of human life are masrered by a
precisely regulared social rimal and by cerrain concealing formulas rhar preserve
rhe standard of shame. In orher words, wirh rhe advance of civilizarion rhe lives
of human beings are increasingly splir berween an imimare and a public sphere,
berween prirnre <rnd public behaviour. And rhis splir is raken so much for
gramed, becomes so compulsive a habir, rhar ir is hardly perceived in consciousness.
In conjuncrion wirh rhis growing division of behaviour inro whar is and what
is nor publicly permirred, rhe psychic srrucrure of people is also rransformed.
The prohibirions supporred by social sancrions are reproduced in individuals as
self-comrols. The pressure ro resrrain impulses and rhe sociogeneric shame
surrounding rhem-rhese are rurned so complerely imo habirs rhar we cannot
resist rhem even when alone. in rhe inrimare sphere. Pleasure-promising drives
and pleasure-denying taboos and prohibirions, socially generated feelings of
shame and repugnance, come ro barrle wirhin rhe self. This, as has been
memioned, is clearly rhe srare of affairs which Freud rried ro express by concepts
such as rhe "superego" and rhe "unconscious" or, as ir is nor unfruitfully called
in everyday speech, rhe "subconscious". Bur however it is expressed, rhe social
code of conduct so imprims itself in one form or anorher on human beings that
ir becomes a consrirnenc element of their individual selves . And this element. rhe
superego, like rhe personaliry srrucrure as a whole of individual people,
necessarily changes consranrly with rhe social code of behaviour and rhe srrucrure
of sociery. The pronounced division in rhe "ego" or consciousness characteristic of
people in our phase of civilizarion, which finds expression in such terms as
"superego" and "unconscious", corresponds ro rhe specific split in rhe behaviour
which civilized society demands of its members. Ir marches rhe degree of
regularion and restraint imposed on rhe expression of drives and impulses.
Tendencies in chis direction may develop in any form of human sociery, even in
rhose which we call "primirive". Bur the srrength attained in societies such as
ours by rhis differenriarion and the form in which ir appears are reflections of a
particular hisrorical developmem, rhe results of a civilizing process .
This is whar is meant when we refer here ro rhe conrinuous correspondence
between the social structure and the srrucrnre of rhe personaliry, of rhe individual
self