Jairson Ascencao

Mrs Girasole
URI Writing
January 15, 2017
Food Memoir Reflection
I have to say, out of all of the pieces that we wrote over this semester, the food memoir
was probably my favorite. Being able to write in narrative form has always been a really
enjoyable experience, and it was no different for this course. And honestly, I thought the piece
was really solid when I wrote it five months ago, but to my chagrin I still found a ton of flaws in
the writing when I looked it over for this reflection. Seeing all those flaws made me realize
exactly how difficult it is to write a perfect paper, and its made me wonder if its even possible
to write a truly perfect paper. But still, seeing how much Ive grown as a writer since joining
this class arrogantly thinking that I was already perfect has made me really happy, and Im sure it
will be useful in college.
In terms of learning outcomes, I was able to demonstrate mastery in two of them during
the revision of this piece. The first learning outcome I reached was part of the Writing
Effectively competency area. The learning outcome stated that the student must Revise and edit
to meet conventions of standard Englishes. I revised my paper by adding in the sentence
Now my mom (the lady who cares about my wellbeing and who doesnt want to see
me get hurt) would never have let me attempt something like this, especially considering
I knew it would take me all day.
Originally, my paper had no explanation for why I had to sneak out of my house. This left the
reader confused and was a rather large hole in the story that I didnt notice when I first wrote it.

By adding this sentence in, I clarified why it was that I had to wait for my mom to leave and why
she wouldnt have approved of my adventure. I edited my piece in a number of places. I didnt
have any typos or major grammar errors, but what I noticed was that I was being a bit too formal
for a memoir piece. I had originally been using a lot of large, fancy words that would do me well
in a more formal piece, but this piece called for a more relaxed vocabulary. One of the biggest
edits was at the start of my piece, when I changed my second sentence from
I endured a myriad of comments similar to this one every time I reached for a snack that
was even moderately unhealthy. to
Isnt that the perfect start to a wonderful day? No? Well, I had to deal with a myriad of
comments like this this one every time I reached for a snack that was even moderately
unhealthy.
A simple edit, this accomplished a few things for me. It made my introduction stronger and less
awkward, and it also gave the reader immediate access to my personality and voice.
The second learning outcome that I demonstrated mastery in was again in section labeled
Writing Effectively. This outcome asked that the student demonstrate awareness of readers
needs and expectations for prose style, genres, conventions, and citation. I demonstrated my
awareness for my readers needs for prose style through the laid back and familiar tone that I
took with the piece. An example would be in the sentences
Thankfully however, I had an extra t-shirt that I had packed in case I needed it, and I
used this to tie the handlebar to the neck of the bike. Being the stubborn dude that I am,
there was no way I was turning back, so I continued riding, albeit a little more
awkwardly.

Here I am speaking regularly and have even dropped into the realm of colloquialism with my use
of the worde dude. Honestly, while I wasnt exactly writing poetry before with my original
paper, I was being far too rigid and academic with the piece, and that isnt something I would
have noticed before taking this class. In fact, its something I would have been proud of.
Next in line comes my demonstration of awareness for my readers needs for genre.
While this was something that initially confused me, I was able to clarify what the outcome
meant by genre in class with you. I was able to demonstrate my awareness in this facet of the
outcome through my use of dialogue in the memoir piece.
Excuse me! Sir! I exclaimed.
At first he didnt realize I was talking to him, and continued to ignore me, but
after a moment, he looked around as if there was someone other than him I could be
referring to. Confused, he responded Yes?
To write a proper memoir, you must be sure to include all the necessary parts that make
up a memoir/narrative. This includes characters, description, transitions, and dialogue. I only
included a small excerpt of the dialogue incorporated in the piece, but by making sure to include
dialogue in the memoir I was able to keep within the boundaries of the genre.
To demonstrate my awareness for readers needs for conventions, I simply had to make
sure that I understood how to put my writing in a form that my reader expects and is comfortable
with. To do that, I had to revise my paper in a few places. One of the revisions I made involved
taking
Yes, my mom spent every moment she could making me feel like slime for the weight
gain, and yes, I no longer fit into some of the clothes that used to look fine on me, but as

long as I stayed inside, I had a glut of entertainment options to choose from, so I was
able to overlook the weight gain rather easily.
And turning it into:
Yes, my mom spent every moment she could making me feel like slime for the weight
gain. And yes, I no longer fit into some of the clothes that used to look fine on me. But as
long as I stayed inside, I had a surplus of entertainment options to choose from. So I did
the easy thing: I ignored it.
This revision involved taking the single long, comment-laden sentence, and turning it into
three separate sentences that created a paragraph that had a much better flow. By doing so, I was
able to aid in making sure my audience would be able to easily become immersed in the story I
was telling.
The final requirement needed demonstrate mastery in this learning outcome was being
able to show my awareness of my readers need for citation. I accomplished this through my
reference to the Sunrise newspaper when using their image of me in their newspaper.
Russo, Joe "Article Title." Johnston Sunrise [Johnston] 22 September 2016: 7 Print.
This allows anyone who was to read my paper to go and check the newspaper out for
themselves, and keeps me from getting in trouble with the newspaper for using one of their
images if I were to ever publish this piece.
Next up is my Investigative Report.