EVANGELICAL THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY

OSIJEK, CROATIA

THEOLOGICAL SIGNIFICANCE OF EPHESIANS 5: 21 33 FOR

UNDERSTANDING ROLES OF HUSBAND AND WIFE IN CHRISTIAN
MARRIAGE IN CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY

COURSE: Hermeneutics
PROFESSOR: dr. Marcel Macelaru
STUDENT: Damir Pil
YEAR OF STUDY: 1st Mth
DATE: 8th March 2013

CONTENT
Introduction.......................................................................................................................................... 2
I Understanding Mutual Submission in Ephesians 5: 21 - 33.......................................................... 3

Textual Analysis and Cultural Background of Ephesians 5: 21 22............................... 3

a. The Meaning of (hupotasso) in Ephesians 5: 21 22.............................. 3
b. The Meaning of (kephale) in Ephesians 5: 23................. 6
c. The Husbands! Love Your Own Wives!....................................................................... 8
II The Application of the Principle of Authority and Submission in Contemporary Society...... 9

Importance of Understanding Message from Ephesians for Today.......................... 9

Conclusion......................................................................................................................................... 12

Bibliography.......................................................................................................................... 13

INTRODUCTION
Although we live in a period when equality between sexes is being promoted,
unfortunately we are still witnesses that in many countries women are exploited and treated
like servants in sense that they are just housewives in their own home. Even in Christian
marriages today lack of love, communication, and intimacy is not uncommon, and because of
it great number of homes feels cold and empty. Modern Christians are often inclined to ignore
Biblical message about love and Christ's example so in using authority husbands often neglect
and abuse their wives by subordinating them. Unfortunately some wives feel that self
demeaning is form of active obedience and by living with this attitude, in respect towards
their husbands, they suffer. There is another extreme today are increasingly popular feminist
movements which sometimes (with best intentions) take several Biblical passages out from
their original context in order to present equality between husband and wife.
Each year number of divorces is increasing, and large number of Christian couples is
living in conflict or separated. On this place is valuable to share John Stott's thought. He said
that if our Christian faith is to be of any practical value, than we need to behave Christianly at
home, because there is no point of peace in the church if there is no peace in the home. 1
Because stability of Christian marriage and marriage in general largely depends on the way
how husband and wife understand and fulfil their role in marriage, it is crucial to understand
biblical passages which summarize roles of husband and wife. One of major New Testament
passages on this subject which is often misinterpret (especially by feminists and egalitarians)
is Ephesians 5: 21 33.
Considering that misunderstanding of terms authority and mutual submission from this
passage (which is one of three major passages about household codes 2) presents great
problem today and because they are also often misinterpreted, purpose of this research will be
to present true meaning of these terms. By properly understanding these terms our goal is to
understand Pauls message and see if it has same value for todays society as it had in Pauls
time. In first chapter I will present interpretation of the Biblical meaning of headship and
submission, while in second chapter I will examine practical applications of the Biblical
principle of headship and submission. In order to fulfil purpose of this research I will embrace
several Biblical passages which are necessary for understanding this topic.
1

John R. W. Stott, The Message of Ephesians: Gods New Society, eds. J. A. Motyer and John R. W.
Stott, The Bible Speaks Today (Leicester: Inter Varsity Press, 1979), 213.
2
Three major household codes passages passages about role of husband and wife in New Testament are
Ephesians 5: 18 33, Colossians 3: 18 - 19, and 1 Peter 3: 1 7.

I UNDERSTANDING MUTUAL SUBMISSION IN EPHESIANS 5: 21 - 33

Textual Analysis and Cultural Background of Ephesians 5: 21 - 22
Some commentators are prone to put 21 verse as a conclusion of previous paragraph
because grammatically it is correct, but it is necessary to start new paragraph with this verse
because its content supplements following verse. Although people usually starts reading this
section from 22 verse, even superficially reading of this chapter indicates on 21 verse as
beginning of presentation of roles in marriage. This can be confirmed with the fact that early
manuscripts dont have word submit in 22 verse but it is assumed from 21 verse. 3
Ephesians 5: 21 is kind of new command, and later in this research we will see that it
was very unusual and on some level dangerous to promote such request. Because 21 verse
includes both, husband and wife, we can look at it alone as on broader context which is
sufficient to reveal Gods will for married couples. Therefore we can look at 22 verse like
narrow context because it includes only wife. On this place it is important to understand that
broader context doesnt negate narrow context. Unlike 21 verse, 22 verse isnt command for
woman to submit to their husbands because in Pauls time it was completely normal for
woman to obey her husband. But there is something new at the end of this verse, invitation to
submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. We will see through this chapter meaning and
significance of these verses and also on which way Paul is going through narrow context in
order to reflect socio cultural customs of his time.

a. The Meaning of (hupotasso) in Ephesians 5: 21 22

For better understanding term submission from this passage, it is valuable to mention
characteristics of Greco Roman society from the time when Paul was writing because Pauls
vision of marriage is conditioned by the cultural assumptions of his time. While there are
some scholars today which claim that the word can mean be thoughtful and
considerate; act in love (toward another), there is little chance that a first-century Greek
speaker would have understood it that way, for the term always implies a relationship of
submission to an authority. 4
3

A. Skevington Wood, Ephesians, in Frank E. Gaebelein, The Expositor's Bible Commentary:

Ephesians through Philemon, Vol XI (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1981), 75.
4
John Piper and Wayne Grudem, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to
Evangelical Feminism (Wheaton: Crossway Books, 1991), 172.

Because in Greco Roman society was expected that wives have obligations to their
husbands, Christianity presented a revolutionary approach in which husbands and wives are
equal. 5
The submission of a wife, along with that of children and slaves, is a pattern of relationship that is
reminiscent of centuries of ancient social codes. It was striking for that time that there is no command
here for the husband to rule his wife. His only instruction is to love and care for her. The husband
should not claim authority over his wife the way a Roman man used to. 6

We can summed up role of the wife in term submit and role of the husbands in term
love (agapao) which will be later explained in more detail. 7
Sometimes 8 is translated as subordinate, but because this word can imply
inferiority Hoehner suggests submission as a better term because its use in context of mutual
submission implies that one is willing to submit to one who has authority. 9
Term appears twenty three times in Pauline epistles but only in Ephesians
5 this term is used for mutual relationships among believers. 10 On this place in Ephesians 5:
21 a result of believers filled by the Spirit is submission to one another in the body of
believers.

11

When this verb in a passive is followed with a dative (which is usually the case)

then it means that we are talking about actual subordination of persons worthy of respect. 12
Although the verb is a strong word meaning subject or subordinate (in the active
voice), here in 21 verse Paul employs the middle voice to signify a voluntary submission or
subordination, and this means to act in a loving, considerate, self giving way towards one
5

A. Skevington Wood, Ephesians, 76.

Walter L. Liefeld, Ephesians (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1997 (The IVP New Testament
Commentary Series 10), Eph 6:1 [El. Edition: Libronix 3.0]
7
This same message is also found in Colossians 3: 18 19.Paul chooses the verb agapao which is the
highest and distinctively Christian word for loving to insist that the love of a Christian man for his wife must be
a response to and an expression of the love of God in Christ extended to the church. (A. Skevington Wood,
Ephesians, 76.)
8
The key verb used in Ephesians 5: 21 (BYZ; Byzantine text form) literally means to
arrange under. (Peter T. O'Brien, The Letter to the Ephesians, ed. D. A. Carson, The Pillar New Testament
Commentary [Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1999], 399). It is a tag word group
signifying order or arrangament (see 1 Cor 15: 23; ) and with the prepositional prefix upo the word
literally means to order oneself under a leader. (Harold W. Hoehner, Ephesians: An Exegetical Commentary
[Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2002], 716.)
9
Harold W. Hoehner, Ephesians: An Exegetical Commentary, 717.
10
Peter T. O'Brien, The Letter to the Ephesians, in ed. D. A. Carson, The Pillar New Testament
Commentary (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1999), 400.
11
Harold W. Hoehner, Ephesians: An Exegetical Commentary, 717.
12
William Arndt, Gingrich, F. Wilbur, Danker, Frederick W., Bauer, Walter, A Greek-English Lexicon
of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature : A Translation and Adaption of the Fourth Revised
and Augmented Edition of Walter Bauer's Griechisch-Deutsches Worterbuch Zu Den Schrift En Des Neuen
Testaments Und Der Ubrigen Urchristlichen Literatur (Chicago : University of Chicago Press, 1996, c1979),
848.
6

another; such a voluntary yielding to the needs of others is an example of that self
sacrificing love which is to characterize Christian community. 13
Problem in this passage occurs when it is completely interpreted in terms of mutual
submission and when comes to excluding idea of the husband's headship over the wife.
Although the structure of the passage from Ephesians 5: 21 6: 9 includes three Paul's
exhortations where wives, children, and slaves need to respectively obey husbands, parents,
and masters, our main focus will be on Ephesians 5: 21 33 but other part will be included if
necessary for presenting whole context.
Because the word does not describe symmetrical relationship (husbands are
not situated as subject to their wives) it is visible that function of this term is to describe an
ordered relationship where someone is over and other is under. 14
It is important to recognize that this context negate idea of mutual submission which
can be peculiarly seen in sixth chapter in case of children/parents and slaves/masters. Also,
Bacchiocchi made a great notice that exhortation to be submissive is given to the subordinate
partner, not to both and that corresponding exhortations given to husbands, parents, and
masters are not for them to be submissive but to respect and love their subordinates. 15
Stott also concludes that submission and love are two aspects of the very same thing,
namely of that selfless self-giving which is the foundation of an enduring and growing
marriage. 16
It is crucial to notice two Pauls innovation from Ephesians 5: 21 22. In Greco
Roman time women have already listen their husbands, but now Paul said: Submitting
yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Therefore, first innovation is one to another,
because Paul summons husbands 17 also to submit to their wives, and second innovation is that
13

Peter T. O'Brien, The Letter to the Ephesians, 400.

There are several examples in New Testament where describes submission to appropriate
authorities. These are: Submission of Jesus to His parents (Luke 2: 51); demons were subjected to the disciples
(Luke 10: 17, 20); citizens to governing authorities (Rom 13:1; Tit 3:1; 1 Pet 3:1); universe to Christ (1 Cor 15:
27; Eph 1:22); unseen powers to Christ (1 Pet 3:22); Christ to God the Father (1 Cor 15: 28); church members to
church leaders (1 Corinthians 16:15-16 [with 1 Clement 42:4]; 1 Peter 5:5); wives to their husbands (Colossians
3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:5; cf. Ephesians 5:22, 24); church is subjected to Christ (Ephesians 5:24); servants to
their masters (Titus 2:9; 1 Peter 2:18); and Christians to God (Hebrews 12:9; James 4:7). None of these
relationships is ever reversed; that is, husbands are never told to be subject to wives, the government to citizens,
masters to servants, or the disciples to demons, etc. (John Piper and Wayne Grudem, Recovering Biblical
Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Feminism, 172)
15
Samuele Bacchiocchi, The Marriage Covenant: A Biblical Study on Marriage, Divorce, and
Remarriage (Berrien Springs, Biblical Perspectives, 2001), 103.
16
John R. W. Stott, The Message of Ephesians: Gods New Society, 235.
17
The male householder is not told to take his proper role as leader of the householdthat was in fact
the assumed cultural reality that could so easily be abused. Rather, he is told to model the character of Christ in
his relationships to his wife and slaves. (Gordon D. Fee, The Cultural Context of Ephesians 5:186:9: Is there a
Divinely Ordained Hierarchy in the Life of the Church and Home that is Based on Gender Alone? Priscilla
14

from now women submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. Not with deprecation, but as
Christians. Now, if husbands and wives fulfil their roles, new attitude will arise in their
marriage, new atmosphere. This is what Christianity brings, new view on every situation,
especially on interpersonal relationships.
From this point it is easier to understand why Paul addresses women to submit
themselves unto their own husbands, as unto the Lord. With introduction of new relationship
in marriage, where husbands also obey their needs, where they also yield, and they also
disclaim their rights, Paul wanted to ensure that women understand that it doesnt mean they
are free from listening by underlining that they also still need to listen their husbands.
Submission will be understand more clearly after understanding husband's authority.

b. The Meaning of (kephale) in Ephesians 5: 23

On the very beginning of this section it is notably to mention that this research imply
the word (kephale; head) as authority over, not source. 18 In Ephesians 5: 23 Paul
is not giving order as interpreters often think, but he cites here traditional understanding that
husband is head, authority, one who make decisions inside the home. Therefore Paul doesnt
negate that husband is authority of the wife, but he adds that he is authority of his wife in the
same sense as Christ is head of the Church. We can ask on this place next question On
which way is Christ head of the Church? From the verse we see that Paul again immediately
explains Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.
For Ephesian believers, the phrase savior of the body alludes to the body of Christ
who was delivered by Christ from eternal doom so as to its application to the husband wife
relationship, the most that can be said is that the husband is the protector of the wife much in
the same manner as described in verses 29 30.

19

It is valuable to understand the concept of wifes submission to her husband in Pauls

day. In that time father had absolute control over all his family, he was patria potestas (or
paterfamilias) which gave him authority to make all decisions including life and death over
Papers, Winter, 2002, 16: 1, p. 4. [online] Available at <http://www.summitpacific.ca/women/pdf/culturalcontext-of-ephesians.pdf> [22 February 2013])
18
Comprehensive textual evidences from ancient Greek literature confirmed that the use of head
(kephale) means authority over. Wayne Grudem made a caring survey of 2,336 examples, by making the most
of a computerized database of the Thesaurus Linguae Graecae at the University of California-Irvine. One of the
fruits of his research can be seen in Wayne Grudem, Does (Head) Mean Source Or Authority
Over in Greek Literature? A Survey of 2,336 Examples, Trinity Journal ns 6.1 (Spring 1985): 38-59 [online]
Available at <http://www.biblicalstudies.org.uk/pdf/tj/kephale_grudem.pdf> [24 February 2013]
19
Harold W. Hoehner, Ephesians: An Exegetical Commentary, 717.

his children. 20 This is necessary for understanding what kind of authority husband had over
his wife in the Roman Empire. Although it was well known that woman was in the early
Roman Republic under manus, in Pauls day bride was under fathers authority (sine
manus). 21
Liefeld made important statement which is great help in better understanding Pauls
thought on this place:
Pauls teaching thus avoids an extreme view of male superiority, including the idea that wives must be
submissive simply because they are women. Such a view was advocated in his day, for example, by the
ancient Jewish historian Josephus, who taught that women were inferior and should be obedient. Yet
Pauls instructions do support a household arrangement that would have been approved by many
Hellenistic moral philosophers of his day. Because of this, some think his intent was to urge Christians
to maintain order in their households such as would commend the new Christian faith to thoughtful
pagans. 22

Gordon Fee states when householder became a follower of Christ, his familia (which
includes blood relatives and all members of household) would also follow Christ, soon after
that new kinship would arise where Christ was now the new paterfamilia. 23
From all of this we can see that position of the husband towards his wife is to be her
protector, not to be her master. He has responsibility to protect his wife emotionally,
spiritually, physically, financially, and also he needs to resemble Christ's character in use his
authority and showing love in order to improve the progress of their relationship.
Therefore, on the same way as church listen Christ, and voluntarily subordinates to
Him, on the same way wife needs to voluntarily fulfil needs of her husband, not with
depreciation. She needs to listen her husband and subordinate to him not as he is her master
but as to protector, on the same way Church is subordinating to Christ as a Savior.
We will see in the next subheading that in fact husband who insist on dominating and
negative authority over his wife, who on any way abuse his wife, doesnt deserve
subordinating and obedience of his wife because he doesnt fulfil major part of his role which
is to be image of Christ.
20

Harold W. Hoehner, Ephesians: An Exegetical Commentary, 741.

Manus implied the husband's authority over his wife just as patria postesas. (Harold W. Hoehner,
Ephesians: An Exegetical Commentary, 741.)
22
Walter L. Liefeld, Ephesians (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1997 (The IVP New Testament
Commentary Series 10), Eph 6:1 [El. Edition: Libronix 3.0]
23
Gordon D. Fee, The Cultural Context of Ephesians 5:186:9: Is there a Divinely Ordained Hierarchy
in the Life of the Church and Home that is Based on Gender Alone? Priscilla Papers, Winter, 2002, 16: 1, p. 4.
[online] Available at <http://www.summitpacific.ca/women/pdf/cultural-context-of-ephesians.pdf> [22 February
2013]
21

c. The Husbands! Love Your Own Wives!

Ephesians 5: 25 32 is the longest Pauls exhortation in this chapter and it consists of part
where husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church (25 27) and in the
second part this invitation is repeated with additional verses about husbands love for himself
(28 32).
If we take a little time and think about social situation in Pauls time we can see that it
was great temptation for husbands to fulfil what was expected from them if they were
Christians.
Gordon Fee says that in that time it was matter of shame if husband ate together with
his wife when he was with his friends and it was also a matter of shame if his family accepted
Christianity. 24 Despite all inconveniences which husbands risked to be exposed to, they are
invited to love their wives. But not by any love, they need to show (agapao), which is
unconditional love; it is showing love even when it is not deserved. Therefore, we can see that
Paul doesnt emphasize on this place husbands authority over his wife, but his love for her.
John Stott perfectly complements this thought by saying:
His authority is defined in terms of loving responsibility. To our minds the word authority suggests
power, dominion and even oppression. We picture the authoritative husband as a domineering figure
who makes all the decisions himself, issues commands and expects obedience, inhibits and suppresses
his wife, and so prevents her from growing into a mature or fulfilled person. But this is not at all the
25
kind of headship which the apostle is describing, whose model is Jesus Christ.

Its intent is to seek the highest good in the one loved which is similar to the
instruction for the wife whose submission is not dependent on her husbands response;
likewise, a husbands love is not dependent on his wifes response. 26 Message of love is
inwrought through all the Scripture, here are just two examples of it. Ephesians 5: 2 said:
And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us. (KJV); 1 John 4: 7 Beloved, let us love one
another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
(KJV). This invitation is addressed to all husbands and to all wives, no one is omitted. Same
message we can find in Ephesians 5: 21. Because Ephesians 5: 21 together with Ephesians 5:
33 form framework of this section, this part of research will be concluded with Hoehners
comprehensive review of 33 verse:
24

Gordon D. Fee, The Cultural Context of Ephesians 5:186:9: Is there a Divinely Ordained Hierarchy
in the Life of the Church and Home that is Based on Gender Alone? Priscilla Papers, Winter, 2002, 16: 1, p. 6.
[online] Available at <http://www.summitpacific.ca/women/pdf/cultural-context-of-ephesians.pdf> [22 February
2013]
25
John R. W. Stott, The Message of Ephesians: Gods New Society, 231-232.
26
Harold W. Hoehner, Ephesians: An Exegetical Commentary, 747.

Although the responsibilities of the wives are outlined first, the most space is given to the responsibility
of the husbands. Therefore it should not be divisive but rather a loving and harmonious relationship.
The successful development of this relationship requires Spirit filled partners who are truly concerned
for each other and who have a real desire to see the work of God in their lives. The primary goal of
marriage is not to please oneself but to see the purposes of God Work in and through each partner
individually and corporately. 27

II THE APPLICATION OF THE PRINCIPLE OF AUTHORITY AND SUBMISSION IN

CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY

Through this research we could see that Paul instructed believers to love one another;
he invited all believers (including both, husband and wife) to love one another and to prefer
one another by showing honour (Romans 12: 10).
Paul also teaches us very important thing: in humility of mind let each of you regard one
another as more important than himself(Philippians 2:3; NAS). Bible clearly says that
marriage relation was already ordained by God at creation. If we are aware that marriage is
divine institution ordained by God and that we are assigned with specific roles, then we know
that as Christians we are carrying responsibility for fulfilling these roles.
Importance of Understanding Message from Ephesians for Today
We have seen through reading Ephesians 5 that Paul was especially concerned to
emphasize need for husbands to imitate Christ for well being of their wives. This Pauls
message is completely valid for us today although it is not recognized in great part of
contemporary society. What people mostly dont understand is that the Biblical view of
marital roles doesnt have its roots in some ancient culture and that instead it is fruit of divine
revelation.
In great number of cultures in our time law doesnt include God as necessary for
successful marriage and as response functionality of such marriages speaks for themselves.
Statistics from Croatia are clear sign that something is wrong with global understanding of
marriage today. 28
27

Harold W. Hoehner, Ephesians: An Exegetical Commentary, 784 785.

By Croatian bureau for statistics in 2011 year was 20 211 marriages, while 5662 couples get
divorced. (Prirodno Kretanje Stanovnitva Republike Hrvatske u 2010 in Dravni Zavod za Statistiku Republike
Hrvatske [Zagreb, 19 Srpnja 2012], br 7.1.1 [online] Available at:
<http://www.dzs.hr/Hrv_Eng/publication/2012/07-01-01_01_2012.htm > [20 Feberuary 2013]) This statistic is
concerning if we comsider that only one year before was 21 294 marriages, while number of legally divorced
marriages was 5058. (Prirodno Kretanje Stanovnitva Republike Hrvatske u 2010 in Dravni Zavod za Statistiku
Republike Hrvatske [Zagreb, 19 Srpnja 2011], br 7.1.1 [online] Available at:
<http://www.dzs.hr/Hrv_Eng/publication/2011/07-01-01_01_2011.htm > [20 February 2013])
28

The Message which Paul left in Colossians 3: 19: Husbands, love your wives, and be
not bitter against them (KJV); and in 1 Peter 3: 7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them
according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being
heirs together of the grace of life (KJV), only complements message from Ephesians 5: 21
33. Ephesians clearly states that for husbands and for wives God needs to be on the first
place. Misunderstanding message from Ephesians leads to ignoring verses of submission of
wives and husbands authority because in minds of a multitude this message is negative and
outdated.
Although institution of marriage can be found in all societies today, there is not one
broad definition which can encompass essential features of all cultures. 29 In our modern
society marriage has lost its holiness. Today marriage is widely defined as a legally
recognized union between two people, generally a man and a woman, in which they are united
sexually, cooperate economically, and may give birth to, adopt, or rear children. 30
In period of first industrial revolution it comes to significant changes when it comes to
the roles of husband and wife in marriage. From husband was expected to work out of house
and to financially care for his family, while wife was in charge of all household work and for
child nurture. 31 This model of household could work just fine if God would be also included.
This system reminded me on something that Aristotle believed. Though Aristotle believed
that husband and wife are unequal in nature, even he declared that philia of husband and wife
is precisely what is necessary for polis to exist. 32 Maybe philia is necessary for polis to exist,
but agape is necessary for marriage covenant, as Gods institution to exist. There is no doubt
that through marriage contract household can function in respect of law within culture it is
given. But every marriage without God will always assert some shade of disrespect and lack
of love toward one another because true love toward one another can only arise through ones
love toward God. This is the message which every Christian counsellor and preacher needs to
share. Only through marriage covenant, which is community between God, husband, and
29

In the United States, marriage means stabilized patterns of norms and roles associated with the
mutual relationship between husband and wife. It joins together a man (or men) and a woman (or women) in a
special kind of social and legal arrangement that serves several purposes for a society. (Marilyn IhingerTallman, David Levinson, Marriage, Definition of, revised by James M. White, ed. James J. Ponzetti Jr.,
International Encyclopedia of Marriage and Family, Vol III, Ke Se [New York: Macmillan Reference USA,
1995; 2002], 1094.)
30
Bryan Strong, Christine DeVault, and Theodore F. Cohen, The Marriage and Family Experience:
Intimate Relationships in a Changing Society (Belmont: Wadsworth, 2011; 11th edn.), 7.
31
Mira udina Obradovi i Josip Obradovi, Psihologija Braka i Obitelji (Zagreb: Golden Marketing
Tehnika Knjiga, 2006), 18.
32
Robert P. George and Jean Bethke Elstain, The Meaning of Marriage (New York: Scepter
Publishers, 2010), 105.

10

wife, marriage can fulfil its primary purpose; it can be again peaceful institution, where
husband and wife are one and respect and love each other. If there is no peaceful, respectful,
loving union inside Christian home, how can whole Christian communion leave in peace?
How can someone be Christian without Christ?
If husband care for his wife as Christ care for His Church than he is willing to
demonstrate his sacrificial love through his willingness to serve his wife and children. It is
notable to understand that this does not mean that his family members have authority upon
him and that he is obligated to take orders from them. Bacchiocchi made very important
statement on this part:
He (husband) serves his wife by giving her a loving, intelligent and sensitive service of leadership.
Headship in the Scripture presupposes a leadership of service. Christ is the head of the church because
He came not to be served by the church, but to serve her (Matt 20:28). There is a radical difference
between Gods view and the worlds view of leadership. 33

Today is emphasized need of romance and sentimental love in marriage, but there is
message in Ephesians 5 to love each other with Christ's love. It also means to always
appreciate each other's point of view, even if we don't agree with it. There is message for
husbands to treat their wives with respect and to share power and decision making with them.
John Gottman made comprehensive research and through statistics and experience he
warned married couples on problem of the raised misuse of authority in the family. He stated:
Rather than acknowledging his wife's feelings, husband is using criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or
stonewalling to drown her out, to obliterate her point of view. This is the opposite of accepting her
influence. One way or another, this approach leads to instability in the marriage. Even if the husband
doesn't react this way very often, there's an 81% chance that his marriage will be damaged. 34

This part of research will be concluded with one passage from Gary Collins:
The husband and wife are equally valuable and equally important in the building of a good marriage,
but they do have different responsibilities. These broadly defined scriptural roles for husbands and
wives cannot be changed or ignored in order to accommodate cultural trends. Nevertheless, there is
considerable room for variation as individual couples decide on their specific duties and behaviors,
providing these decisions are considered within the broad guidelines outlined in the Bible. 35
33

Samuele Bacchiocchi, The Marriage Covenant: A Biblical Study on Marriage, Divorce, and
Remarriage (Berrien Springs: Biblical Perspectives, 2001), 111.
34
He further declared: Some men claim that religious conviction requires them to be in control of their
marriages and, by extension, their wives. But there's no religion I know of that says a man should be a bully. I
am not advocating a particular spiritual belief system about the roles of men and women. Our research has
included couples who believe the man should be the head of the family as well as couples who hold egalitarian
viewpoints. In both kinds of marriages, emotionally intelligent husbands have figured out the one big thing: how
to convey honor and respect. All spiritual views of life are consistent with loving and honoring your spouse. And
that's what accepting influence is all about. After all, do you really want to make decisions that leave your wife
feeling disrespected? Is that really consistent with religious beliefs? It is not.(John M. Gottman and Nan Silver,
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship
Expert [New York: Crown Publishers, Inc, 2000], 101 102.)
35
Gary R. Collins, Christian Counseling : A Comprehensive Guide (Nashville:Thomas Nelson
Publishers, 2006, 3rd ed), 527.

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CONCLUSION
Unfortunately we live in a time when our society widely publicizes nonbiblical values
about marriage, and there is great need for the biblical teachings about marriage to be clearly
presented whenever is possible. In contemporary society isnt easy to nurture Christian values
in marriage. When it comes to disagreement in marriage it is crucial for both partners to show
mutual love, patience, and understanding. But this understanding is not so realistic in real
life. As we have seen in first part of research, Pauls plan was not to change complete customs
and society, but to go step further by promoting Gods will for married couples. On the same
way we can be part of the system of contemporary society and promote Christian message
with our life. We are invited to live what we believe. Marriage is Gods institution which is
meant to reflect harmony between God, husband, and wife. Domination of man is result of sin
as we can see from Genesis 3: 16. 36 But Gods will is to renew values of heavenly kingdom
already on this earth.

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Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt
bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (Genesis 3:16; KJV)

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