Written first hand by a sufferer of anxiety disorder, during a panic attack.

Please dont be
judgemental of this mini book it is meant as an informative guide of what others may be going
through. Should what is written here help you or if you feel it may help others then please share
Youre not alone in your journey

Right now, as I write this semi book Im in the middle of (what I hope) is an attack of anxiety. My
mind feels empty and I have this fuzzy light headed feeling, I write this mini essay in the hope
others that suffer such symptoms know they dont do so alone.
Whilst the light headedness isnt nice whats worse is the feeling of my heart beating through my
chest, this in turn Is leading me to check my Fitbit pulse repeatedly which right now says my heart is
beating at a nice 75 beats per minute, my spo2 (amount of oxygen in my blood) is 97% thanks to my
Samsung SPO2 monitor And on a quick check again, pulse has risen to 83 down now to 80 > 79 and
steady again. All this started by a disconcerting tightness near the top of my chest just below my
neck and the feeling of not being able to breath (despite having good oxygenation).
What bought this on tonight? Well I cant really narrow it down to one incident in particular as its
been a stressful day from a barney with my partner, to the dog repeatedly vomiting (thankfully hes
ok) to removing overdue Christmas decorations and experiencing a tightness in my upper shoulders
theres certainly a few triggers to choose from. What I dont think particularly has helped is having
nearly a full wedge of Brie cheese on two jacket potatoes for my supper. Cheese, as I know has an
adverse effect on sufferers of GERD / Acid reflux / Gastritis and I fall in too that category so Was it
the cheese?!
The symptoms are beginning to mellow somewhat now, the pulse still a steady 80 which compared
to the pulse of 97 / 98 I had during the peak of my anxiety attack is now miles better, the
palpitations have settled and I feel I can breathe normally again though unfortunately the lightheaded sensation is still there.
Although I seem to be through this isolated anxiety attack this evening, I certainly am not out of the
woods.
For the past 10+ years Ive suffered anxiety and the odd on and off bout of depression though only in
the last few (maybe 2-3) years has my anxiety become whats called by doctors health anxiety.
Health anxiety is (per NHS choices webpage) as follows

Hypochondria (health anxiety) is excessive worrying

about your health, to the point where it causes great
distress and affects your everyday life.
Some people with health anxiety have a medical
condition, which they worry about excessively. Others
have medically unexplained symptoms, such as chest
pain or headaches, which they are concerned may be a
sign of a serious illness, despite the doctor's
reassurance.
Others may be permanently anxious about their future
health, worrying about things like: "What if I get cancer or
heart disease?"
And guess which of the two obsessions my health anxiety focuses itself on!

When we consult NHS choices about what causes health anxiety however we get a slightly
bleaker picture

There are many reasons why someone worries too much about their
health.
You may be going through a particularly stressful period of your life.
There may have been illness or death in your family, or another family
member may have worried a lot about your health when you were
young.
Personality can be a factor. You may be vulnerable to health anxiety
because you are a worrier generally. You may find it difficult to handle
emotions and conflict, and tend to "catastrophise" when faced with
problems in your life.
Sometimes, health anxiety can be a symptom of a mental health
condition, such as depression or anxiety disorder, which needs
recognising and treating in its own right (see below).

From the above quote it seems that the NHS are of the belief that theres many reasons why we
suffer anxiety (health anxiety) and that we may be going through

stress? (you dont say)

illness or death in the family (which in turn will make us worry more about our own
mortality)
You may have worries a lot about health when you were young RIGHTTT

So in other words, let me spell it out In a more layman term.

NHS DO NOT HAVE A CLUE WHAT CAUSES HEALTH ANXIETY / HYPOCHONDIA AND ONLY HAVE
THEORIES TO THE CAUSE

Dont get me wrong readers Im not slagging off the NHS our key health service provider! But
when we go to our GPs or other allied healthcare professional what do we get? Well in my case;
100mg Sertraline and a smile!

So back to me for a second before I digress further,

Im a 34-year-old guy from the UK that, clearly, suffers anxiety. Now my anxiety as shown above
in the first paragraph focuses on my heart cardiac related health anxiety ever since 2011 Ive
worried excessively about my cardiac health, I wont bore you all with the full story over the last
6 years but Ill break it down into segments.

2011

So here we begin with me, an obese, 29-year-old bloke with a rough road ahead of me,
little did I know what was to befall me.
After a routine blood test due to my size, my GP called me at home with panic in her
voice. Just before this call I was having a normal day sat in my flat in the winter with the
heat blasting not expecting my Dr to be calling, especially not on a Saturday!
Dr Smart as she was called informed me that my cholesterol was EXTREMLY elevated for
someone of my age and advised I start a lifelong treatment of atorvastatin 40mg to
reduce my cholesterol. Alongside this, the Dr also arranged for me to be sent me off for
a coronary CT scan to see how much calcium (solidified cholesterol / plaque) I had in my
coronary arteries (CT Calcium score) so off I trundled to the hospital, got lost on the way
to radiology, stripped down to my unmentionables, had my injection of dye and had my
CT scan.
Within wat cant have been more than 2-3 days my results came back and had been
reported as Obese gentleman, though hard to scan the gentleman has ZERO calcium
deposits in his arteries Fantastic I thought as I attended my NEXT barrage of tests this
time a stress echo (treadmill test) unfortunately Ive never been a good runner and
whilst overweight even less of a runner so sadly I never got a result from this second test
but due to the good news from the calcium score, I was discharged from the cardiac
investigations department.

2012

So after the fun, games, meds and CT nudity of 2011 I had managed to get just under a
years rest bite between symptoms, my cholesterol had improved but yet I was still
reliant on atorvastatin just to be sure my cholesterol didnt spike again.
At this time I worked for a care company providing domiciliary care to mentally disabled
/ learning disabled individuals in the comfort of their own home, it was a stressful,
demanding job but rewarding and varied at the same time.
Now on one occasion I was tasked to help a young lad move homes from an attic room
in an old Victorian town house (like a block of flats almost). Unluckily for me, this young
lad didnt hang around to help me nor did anyone else so by myself I went up and down
like a yo-yo moving his furniture Id all but finished moving his furniture up and down 5
flights of stairs when I felt a discomfort in my chest which fealt like someone prodding
their finger into my chest; hard, I phoned my manager and informed her Id be attending
A&E as I didnt feel 100% but couldnt place the issue, she reluctantly agreed and
advised if the pain didnt subside I should go to hospital.
10 minutes later and the pain though had refused to let up completely after having a
rest was still there but nowhere near as bad I decided to do as I had told my manager,
and visit A&E, now I lived in Whitby at this time and the only form of A&E we have is a
minor injuries unit so I jumped in the car and took myself down. On arrival the nurses of
minor injuries carried out the usual checks, blood pressure, heart rate, temperature,
blood sugar; all normal.
Then the ECG Abormal!
Immediately I fealt what I now recognise as a panic attack, what they had told me is that
I had an inverted T-Wave and some Q waves potentially indicating an acute (or past)
heart attack, likely an inferior infarction I was given a spray under the tongue of what
later turned out to be nitro-glycerine and was told to stick an aspirin under my tongue.
Due to the worrying ecg an ambulance was summoned and I was rushed off to
Scarborough accident and emergency department. On route the paramedics performed
another ECG and I was surprised when they told me Your ecg is normal. On arrival at
Scarborough I was given a few more ECGs, kept overnight and released the following
morning after a meeting with the on-duty cardiologist who reviews my notes and gave
me a diagnosis of anxiety attack nothing wrong with my heart, though just to be sure, I
was referred to see a cardiologist anyway.

2013

A few months after my visit to Scarborough hospital my referral came in from cardiology outpatients
and I was to see him at my local Whitby hospital. My cardiologist was under the impression that I
likely was suffering from angina and decided to refer me for an angiogram (an invasive procedure
where a tube is inserted into a major artery, usually leg or arm and forwarded into the heart where a
dye is injected to see the health of the coronary arteries) but before this he wanted to see me again
in 6 months time to see how I was getting on with the newly prescribed glyceryl trinitrate spray (a
spray that you place under your tongue when experiencing chest discomfort, purpose being to dilate
the blood vessels).
Home I went, with my new semi-bill of health my nitro-glycerine based spray and a months worth
of BETA blockers. A few weeks later all was going well at home so I visited my GP just to see how
things were going with my BP and to have a new ECG, this was done and my ECG, which still showed
Q waves in lead III matched the ECG from 2012 so I wasnt overly phased. Even my BP was good!
Despite my all clear from my GP I was prescribed a home measuring blood pressure cuff and a diary
And so, my nightmare begun.
Day in, day out Id be checking my blood pressure and it always seemed good usually 124/84 and
sometimes as low as 116/76 I fealt great, life was good and I was starting to think that my heart was
perhaps fine after all! Then one evening, chest pain. Alarm bells ringing I took a hefty dose of nitroglycerine spray which didnt particularly help so 5 minutes later took a second dose. Again nothing!
By this time I was full swing panic attack!
In a Panicked state I reached for my BP cuff and performed a check as in my opinion, if I was at that
point having a heart attack (which I really fealt I was) if my BP was good, then I probably wasnt, Cuff
strapped on I pressed the button shakily Beep beep beep beep beep, my heart rate was going like
the clappers and as the cuff got ever tighter I silently prayed for relief and for it not to be a heart
attack!
FINALLY, THE CUFF RELEASED ITS GRIP
As I looked down through squinted eyes and gritted teeth I think my face must have froze for on the
monitor my BP was 160/100! The next thought through my mind was shit this is a heart attack and if
I dont go to hospital, Im going to die! so as you can imagine I leapt straight onto the phone, called
999 had an ambulance out and low and behold got whipped off to A&E again, this time I went to
James Cook university hospital a leading hospital in my area and with a specialist cardiac unit and
whilst trundling down the road in the back of the ambulance I thought is this the one thats going to
kill me? then we stopped, Id arrived at A&E.
On arrival I was whisked straight into the A&E treatment area, completely bypassed triage and had a
an ECG, followed by blood tests for what was called cardiac enzymes and had all my observations
recorded by a team of nurses, HCAs and a Dr.
After what feat like an eternity but was likely only half an hour a dr stuck his head in and said to me,
Your ECG looks fine, theres no sign of ischemia (heart disease) and certainly nothing acute, youre
likely having a major panic attack but well keep you a little longer until we get the results of your

bloods to be sure. Relived I took a deep sigh and thought Im still alive but at the back of my mind
was What if these bloods show Ive had a heart attack after what fealt like another eternity my
bloods were back, the DR again came in with a smile this time and said Youre fine, your troponin
levels were under 17 and that means you havent had a heart attack he also went on too say to me
that with my family history being all clear, and my past tests itd be highly unlikely for me to have a
heart attack at my age and that I should try not to worry he then said hed get in touch with my GP
and perhaps I should do the same and get some help.
A few weeks later and my appointment with my cardiologist had come around, we sat for an hour
and discussed the years events and I said to him how Id been at home and panicked leading to me
being taken to A&E and having tests however unbeknown to me my cardiologist already knew all
this, whats more He had good news for me, he had decided that with my clean family background
and usual good health that my symptoms were highly unlikely to be cardiac in origin and that I
wouldnt need an angiogram after all!
And that was that, I was discharged from his care alive, well and happy!

2014
Youd think after 2013 thatd have been it right?

Well it was

Apart from a diagnosis of low serum testosterone and having once a month injections in my bum
cheek all was good, infact due to the testosterone I fealt happier and stronger than ever despite the
occasional roid rage. Sadly though I later learnt that all this testosterone (1000mg a month) could be
having a detrimental effect on my heart, so knocked it on the head.

Again all was well even without the TRT

Atleast until

2015
Ok so by 2015 a few things had changed, first my cholesterol had improved to normal levels, I still
wasnt on testosterone replacement therapy (my bum finally felt free too!) and whats more, my
weight started to slowly decrease and my naturally produced testosterone increased!
With my new-found luck, I decided to take a punt and apply for a job in a psychiatric hospital within
the NHS and low and behold I got it!
I happily worked for Tees, Esk and Wear Valleys NHS foundation trust for nearly a year, symptom
free. No pain in the chest, no breathlessness Everything was great. Then one day a blast from the
past My estranged father who had abused me in my early teenage years tried to get back in touch
with me; well actually, he had broken out of a medium secure hospital and was trying to track me
down to unleash all hell on my life
As you can imagine, this lead me down a winding staircase back into anxiety and on one day shift,
back in August I had a massive panic attack whilst at work that again lead me to A&E for the same
barrage of test to yet again get the all clear and wind up with 2 weeks off work sick.
And so ended 2015

2016
In the words of HM the Queen, 2016 was my own personal Annus Horribilis I must have been in
and out of A&E countless times, for countless ECGs yet every time, my ECG was fine the reason I
attended so many times to A&E were due to these symptoms

Chest pain
Breathlessness
Palpitations
Sweating
Dizziness
Overwhelming anxiety

Basically, every symptom associated with a heart attack, yet each time I felt I was having a heart
attack.
By mid-2016 I was getting used to the idea finally that perhaps my heart was all good so I chose to
leave TEWV which I fealt was adding to my own negative mental health and interviewed for James
Cook university hospital on a critical care ward (intensive care) thankfully I got the job !!

Now for anyone that works in healthcare youll appreciate this next part

THE DBS !

I waited months for my DBS (crb check) to come back, and during these months of waiting I had two
more massive panic attacks due to tensions at home and with money which again lead me to being
admitted to A&E, yet again with nothing wrong. However by this stage my anxiety had developed
into full blown health anxiety (hypochondria) I was being told all different things by drs that my ECG
showed Sinus tachycardia (which is ok) but also showed a prior inferior infarction (a heart attack
affecting the bottom of the heart) however this was probably a false positive and I was likely ok and
therefor shouldnt worry.
I plagued my GP and my hospitals to re-refer me back for cardiology work up and finally once Id
started working for the critical care department in November I was taken back under the care of a
Dr Austin a cardiologist at JCUH where yet again, after a long chat over the phone and another ECG
it was reported that my ecgs all matched, there had been no changes whatsoever and therefore
everything was likely normal.
I wish that was easy to accept, unfortunately fellow sufferers Im at the same place most of us are, I
dont believe anyone not even cardiologists so whilst at work, Ive been down to A&E 3 more times
with chest pain, tachycardia and chest discomfort with my fastest pulse being logged by my fitbit at
159bpm (though always reduces after 2 minutes, called the heart rate recovery).

2017
And so were at present day, I had a rough Christmas and a merry new year Ive been having
dizziness on and off since the middle of 2016 and my chest pain still hasnt given up so kindly my
tiring cardioligst Dr Austin chose to perform a 24-hour holter monitor recording of my heart
(basically a 24 hour ecg) this, he hoped would catch any abnormality in my heart during this period
and finally put my panic to rest, I was originally due to go for this on the 4th however..
3rd January, Whilst at work I had the call to go and get fitted with my Holter monitor as a space had
become available due to a cancelation (thankfully I had already shaved my chest a few days before
in preparation) so popped next door to cardiac investigations and got fitted up, furthermore I even
got them to perform an ECG prior to my Holter being fitted so I could make sure there had been no
changes thus preventing any panic whilst wearing the Holter! And guess what Normal.
4th January, Holter monitor taken back to hospital after an uncomfortable 24 hours wearing it, I had
black circles all over my chest left by the sticky glue electrode pads, other than returning the
machine, nothing of interest occurred on the 4th and the team at cardiac investigations informed me
that theyd get the ECG report down to dr Austin hopefully the same day for him to report on and
save me from further anxiety attacks in the interim.
9th Ok so a few days passed since returning the Holter monitor and as I still hadnt heard back from
Dr Austin I decided to give the unit a call. Thankfully I got through to ECG specialist who told me he
saw nothing of concern on my report from the Holter, other than sinus tachycardia it looked
perfectly normal at this point whilst walking round sainsburys I just fealt a release and fealt a tear of
happiness roll down my face as I fealt that it was finally over How wrong I was.

11th Had a meeting at work due to my absence (not due to my heart but since on the 28th December
I had slipped a disk at work and on the 3rd, my employer made it worse by making me carry out
strenuous activities). Due to this stress of a HR meeting I ended up at a walk in drs surgery due to
chest discomfort.

Walk in surgery, I saw a lovely nurse who informed me my heart was a little fast, my BP a
little elevated but my spo2 was normal and I was likely suffering from gastritis I explained
that Id like to have an ECG just to reassure myself that all was ok and that it would ease my
anxiety It really didnt.

ECG performed, not good news!

o My Q waves in lead(s) II, III & avF that Ive always had (allegedly) appeared longer
and more pronounced in lead III, whats more in V1 I had the startings of RBBB (right
bundle branch block) so was TOLD that I was going to AAU at james cook hospital, as
you can imagine this caused a massive panic attack so I did as I was told, drove
myself to hospital and got seen by AAU. I yet again had blood tests, ECGs, BP and a
FULL range of other blood tests only to be told again that all was ok and that infact
the ECG performed at the drs surgery had been performed with higher magnification
and thats what caused the larger Q waves. I was sent home, and all was well
(temporarily)

13th (Friday )
So, after my AAU visit I was feeling rough yet again, dizzy, sick, palpitations, sweating, extreme
anxiety and pain in my chest on excursion (which was new) so panicked I rang my GP surgery, who
unfortunately didnt bother to call back so I ended up panicking alone. Annoyingly my anxiety won
and I rang 999 and asked for an ambulance. Within minutes an ambulance responder turned up at
my house and started my observations by this time my pains and discomforts had begun to settle
and my observations (blood pressure, pulse, oxygen and temperature) were all normal.
10 minutes later, proper ambulance turned up and they rushed in with a lifepak ECG machine and
strapped me up, two print outs later everything was still normal and my ECG matched the one
performed on the 11th *surprise* the paramedics consulted, checked my prior ecgs and agreed that
everything looked identical so therefore was an anxiety attack triggered by stress at home (me and
the partner had an argument earlier that evening).
So thats my history, thats me in a number of paragraphs a (now) mid 30s guy being run down by
the relentless grip of anxiety, Im still currently waiting for my follow up from my cardiologist
regarding my Holter monitor and Im due to see him on the 23rd of January (this coming Monday) to
find out once and for all if my heart is ok, I will update this mini-book once I have found out whats
causing my monstrous symptoms but wanted to take this opportunity to write what I have here for
the sole purpose of helping others by sharing symptoms, sharing emotions and experiences and
trying to find a way out of this viscous circle of health anxiety.
I Know its going to be a long winding road getting rid of this condition, even with a clear diagnosis
which in some ways Im expecting. However, its now dragged on so long even a not so good
diagnosis would suffice at least I know then I can be fixed. In the meantime, all I can do is pray that
all will be well and that I make it through another day and live to be an old man!