Killing Myself

Chelyn Torejas
Diverse people from diverse places have once come to colonize our country.
Literatures and pictures stand as a witness of how we endure, struggle and fight
that yields forth of what we regard today as history.
At the heart of our country carves an era that manifolds through the regimes of
Spanish occupation, Japanese conquistadors, American colonialism onwards to the
Birth of World Wars. And the fruit of these all is my unique individuality. I am the
child of the west and east combined.
I am a product of so many revolutions. For a time, I was blinded from what is real.
For centuries I was enslaved by people of different blood, color and race.
Spanish colonizers use religion as an excuse to earn the hearts of my race. They
taught me to embrace poverty as a virtue and exposed me to learn gambling and
even cock-fighting.
The blond, tall Americans poisoned our way through education. The whites instilled
in me to follow adversarial communication hitting my country badly. Their tactic of
dividing and rule has resulted to the regionalistic division we still have today.
The arrival of Japanese has even caused tremendous fears, hardships and pain.
For a time, I have seen the harsh realities filled with chaos, propaganda, hatred,
vengeance, wars, hidden agenda, corruption, greed, lust and every devilish deed.
But Lo and behold, a new one has come.
I am killing myself. Killing the old Filipino. Within me, came rushing out the stinking
blood of every devilish deeds. My heart has stopped pumping the music of
deception. My lungs has totally exhaled every waste I have inside.
I am a new Filipino. I am bound to make a living history beyond a legend and a real
history in the making that will continue to unfold through time.
The new revolution has given me true victory, a victory by which I am longing for
long and the solution is not through war. This revolution has not been fought in the
streets. It will be fought in hearts of men.
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided. Knowing the present would mean
understanding the past.
I am a new Filipino gaining wisdom from the past. Gone is the Filipino Indolence,
beholding to erase the crab mentality, further eradicating my colonial mentality.

A new Filipino I am. In my blood runs the infinitesimal seed of heroic deeds for the
sake of the heavenly and for the benefit of the majority. The seed that drive away
the oppressors and the seed that will further cleanse the filthiness of this country.
I will search the unknown. I will continue to dream my dreams wishing upon the
stars and will never say never. I will continue to move on, to rise up towards the
direction of a glorious tomorrow.
To look on the present onwards the future and to scale how my new country will
develop will serve as an inspiration that is worth and is bound to be followed.
What the people today endures, struggles, and fight towards progress will
continually mold a state of a new history a bright history that is enough to urge
individuals to continue to endure, struggle and fight for action and be a winner in
running the race that is set before us, worthy to be repetitively told and retold. A
transparent history free from thwarted truths.
Out of me are the voices of the unheard, the pictures of the unseen, the cries of the
deaf and the truth that is ignored. I am but a dream but will stand to prove that this
dream is becoming a reality.
I am killing myself. Killing the old Filipino. Killing the old me, building a new identity,
erasing the undesirable assimilation from my past, picking the best experience I
have before. A new Filipino I am, worthy to behold.
My eyes have been opened and I can see better now. I am a product of bloodshed, A
new Filipino --free indeed, dreamer and the inheritor of a fruitful tomorrow. To live is
to die. Thus, I am killing myself.