猫又の怪奇・怪談映画

世界の怪奇映画
吸血鬼映画
年度別
 吸血鬼映画 1970 年代(後期 1975～)

１９７５

1975■Deafula /米 /監督：Peter Wechsberg /出演：Galy Holstrom (Dracula)

1975■Il Cavaliere Costante Nicosia Demoniaco Ovvero : Dracula in Brianza /Dracula in the Provices /伊 /監督：
Lucio Fulci /出演：John Steiner (Dragulescu)
1975■Disciple of Death /Disciples of Dracula /英 /監督：Tom Parkinson
1975■ブラッディ・マリー 邪悪なカクテル(V) Mary, Mary, Bloody Mary /墨 /監督：Juan Lopez Moctezuma /出演：
Chirstina Ferrare (Mary)
1975■Kathavai Thatteeya Mohni Paye / 印 /監督：M. A. Rajaraman
1975■Spermula /仏 /監督：Charles Matton /出演；Dayle Haddon (Spermula)
1975■Train Ride to Hollywood / 米 /監督：Charles Rondeau
1975■ポルノ超特急 女囚残酷列車 Sex Express / 英：Derek Ford /出演：James Lister
1975■El Extrano Amor de los Vampiros /La Noche de los Vampiros /Los Vampiros Tambien Duermen / 西 /監督：
Leon Klimovsky
1975■El Jovencito Dracula /Young Jonathan Dracula /西 /監督：Carlos Benpar=Carlos Benito Parra /出演：Carlos
Benpar(Dracula)
1975■呪われた女(T) Leonor /妖女レオノー ラ(V) /仏、西、伊 /監督：Juan Bunuel /出演：Liv Ullmann(Leonor)
1975■Levres de Sang /仏 /監督：Jean Rollin
1975■La Noche de los Gaviotas /Night of the Seagulls /西 /監督：Amando de Ossorio
1975■The Thirsty Dead /The Blood Cult of Sahngrila /米 /監督：Terry Becker
1975■踊る吸血鬼(V) La Sanguisuga conduce la Danza /Il Marchio di Satana /The Bloodsucker Leads the Dance

１９７６

1976■Nightmare in Blood /米 /監督：John Stanley

1976■The Historical Dracula, Fact Behind the Fiction /米、ルーマニア /監督：Ion Boston /ドキュメンタリー
1976■Suck Me Vampire /仏 /監督：Maxime Debest
1976■El Pobrecito Draculin / 西 /監督：Juan Fortuny
1976■Tiempso Duros para Dracula / 西、アルゼンチン /監督：Jorge M. Darnell
1976■イザベルの呪い(V) Reti Magie Nere e Segrete Orge del Trecento /The Reincarnation of Isabel /The
Ghastly of Count Dracula /The Horrible Orgies of Count Dracula /Black Magic Rites - Reincarnations / 伊 /監督：
Ralph Brown=Renato Polselli
1976■ニューヨークのドラキュラ：警部マクロード McCloud Meets Dracula :McCloud /TV /監督：Bruce Kessler /
出演：John Carradine (Lawren Belasco)
1976■Dracula pere et Fils /Dracula and Son /仏 /監督：Edouard Molinaro /出演：Christopher Lee (Dracula)
1976■The Monster Squad /TV /米 /監督：Herman Hoffman
1976■モスキート 血に飢えた死体マニア(V) Mosquito : Der Schander Blood Lust /Mosquito der Shander /Blood
Lust /スイス /監督：Marian Vajda
1976■Linda Lovelace for President / 米 /監督：Claudio Gugman
１９７７

1977■ドラキュラ・ゾルタン Dracula's Dog /Zoltan...Hound of Dracula /Zoltan ...Hound from Hell / 米 /監督：
Albert Band /出演：Michael Pataki (Dracula)
1977■ラビッド Rabid /Rage /加 /監督：David Cronenberg /出演：Marilyn Chambers
1977■マーティン 呪われた吸血少年 (V) Martin / 米 /監督：George A. Romero /出演：John Amplas
1977■Count Dracula /TVM /英 /監督：Phillip Saville /出演：Louis Jourdan (Dracula)
1977■アメージング・ファンタジー (V) Dead of Night "No Such Thing as a Vampire " /TVM /米 /監督：Dan Curtis

1977■The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Meet Dracula /TV /米 /出演：Lorne Green (Dracula)
1977■Lady Dracula /西独 /監督：Franz-Joseph Gottlieb /出演：Evelyne Kraft (Barbara)
1977■Bloedverwanten /Blood Relations /Les Vampires on Ont Ras le Bol / 仏、オランダ /監督：Wim Lindner
1977■Le Rouge de Chine /仏 /監督：Jacques Richard
１９７８

1978■吸血の館(V) Thirst /豪 /監督：Rod Hardy /

1978■Nocturna /Nocturna, Granddaughter of Dracula /米 /監督：Harry Tampa /出演：John Carradine (Dracula)
1978■吸血こうもり ナイトウィング (V) Nightwing / 米、オランダ /監督：Arthur Hiller
1978■Vlad Tepes /The True Life of Dracula /Vlad the Impaler-the True Life of Dracula/Count Dracula, the True
Story /ルーマニア、加 /監督：Doru Nastase, Yurek Filjalkowski /出演：Stefan Sileanu (Vlad Tapes) /ドキュメンタ
リー
1978■Dracula /墨 /
1978■La Dracula Dinastia /The Dracula Dynasty /墨
１９７９

1979■お色気吸血鬼(V) Vampire Hookers /Sensuous Vampires /Night of the Bloodsuckers /米、フィリッピン /監

督：Cirio H. Santiago /出演：John Carradine
1979■ドラキュラ都に行く Love at First Bite / 米 /監督：Stan Dragoti /出演：George Hamilton (Count Vladimir
Dracula)
1979■ドラキュラ Dracula /米、英 /監督：John Badham /出演：Frank Langella (Dracula)
1979■吸血鬼ドラキュラ神戸に現る 悪魔は女を美しくする /TVM /日 /監督：佐藤肇 /出演：岡田真澄（ドラキュラ)
1979■ノスフェラトゥ Nosferatu : Phantom der Nacht /吸血鬼ノスフェラトゥ(V) /Nosferatu the Vampire /西独、
仏 /監督：Werner Herzog /出演：Klaus Kinski(Nosferatu"Dracula")
1979■Vampire /TVM /米 /監督：E. W. Swackhammer /出演：Richard Lynch (Voytek)
1979■死霊伝説 Salem's Lot /TVM /米 /監督：Tobe Hooper /出演：Reggie Nalder (Barlow)
1979■The Curse of Dracula : Cliffhangers /TV /米 /出演：Michael Nouri (Dracula)
1979■Draula Sucks /Dracula's Bride /Lust at First Bite /米 /監督：Philip Marshak /出演：Jamie Gillis (Dracula)
1979■Dragula, Queen of Darkness /TVM /米
1979■Graf Dracula (beist Jetzt) in Oberbayern /Dracula Blows His Cool /Dracula Hapt toe/The Diabolic Loves of
Nosferatu /西独 /監督：Carlo Ombra /出演：Gianni Garko (Draucla,"Count Stanislaus")
1979■Dracula and Tok /タイ /出演：Krung Srivilai (Dracula)
1979■Bloedverwanten /Blood - Relation /オランダ、仏 /監督：William Lindner /
1979■The Halloween That Almost Wasn't /TVM /米 /
1979■Dracula Bites the Big Apple / 米 /出演：Peter Lowey (Dracula)

吸血鬼映画 1980 年代
１９８０

1980■京都妖怪地図 嵯峨野に生きる９００歳の新妻 (TVM) /日 /朝日放送＊松竹＊テレビ朝日 /1983.08.23 /製作：奥田

哲雄、桜井洋三 /脚本：保利吉紀 /原作：上田秋成 /監督：田中徳三 /撮影：石原興 /音楽：渡辺岳夫 /美術：下石成典 /メイ
ク：小林昌典 /出演：中条きよし、宇都宮雅代、長谷直美、三田村邦彦、月丘夢路、河東けい：ナレーション
1980■ドラキュラ最後の聖餐(V) Last Rite /Dracula's Last Rite /米 /監督：Domonic Paris
1980■Dark Vengeance /米 /監督：Jack Snyder
1980■フェイド TO ブラック Fade to Black / 米 /監督：Verno Zimmerman
1980■The Munster's Revenge /TVM /米 /監督：Don Weis /出演：Al Lewis (Grandpa)
1980■Star Virgin /米 /監督：Linus Gator /出演：Johnny Harden (Dracula)
1980■ゴースト 血のシャワー Death Ship / デス・シップ(V) /加、英 /監督：Alvin Rakoff
1980■Los Charlots chez Dracula Junior /Les Charlots contre Dracula /仏 /出演：Andréas Voutsinas (Count
Dracula)
1980■The Monster Club /英 /監督：Roy Ward Baker /出演：Richard Johnson
1980■Mr. and Mrs. Dracula /TV /米 /監督：Doug Rogers /Dick Shawn (Vladimir Dracula)
1980■みんなドラキュラ(V) Mamma Dracula / 仏 /監督：Boris Szulzinger /出演：Louise Fletcher (Mamma)
1980■The Craving /西 /監督：Jack(Jacinto) Molina
1980■a Polish Vampire in Burubank / /監督：Mark Pirr
１９８１

1981■悪魔の部屋(V) The Black Room /米 /監督：Elli Kenner, Norman Thaddeus Vane

1981■ブラッド・サック ニューヨーク・ポルノ Dracula Exotica /米 /出演：Jamie Gillis (Dracula)
1981■新１４日の土曜日(V) Saturday the 14th / 米 /監督：Howard R. Cohen
1981■ブラッデイ・フリーウェイ (V) Ferat Vampire /チェコ /監督：Juraz Herz
1981■Les Jeux de la Comtesse Dolingend de Grats /仏 /監督：Catherine Binet
1981■Ondskans Vardshus /The Sleep of the Dead /The Inn of the Flying Dragon /L'auberge du Dragon volant /
スウェーデン,アイルランド /監督：Calvin Floyd
1981 口もんもんドラエティ /TV /日 東京１２チャンネル /手塚眞 /出演：岸田森（ドラキュラ）
１９８２

1982■I Desire /TVM /米 /監督：John Llewellyn Moxey

1982■新ハロウィン(V) Hysterical /米 /監督：Chris Bearde
1982■Dracula Rises from the Coffin / 韓国 /監督：Lee Hyoung Ryo
1982■The True Adventures of Bernadette Soubirou 米 /監督：David McNeill
1982■吸精鬼ワン・ダーク・ナイト(V) One Dark Night /米 /監督：Tom McLoughlin
1982 口夜の誘惑者：ザ・サスペンス /TVM /TBS /1982.08.14 /脚本：櫻井康裕 /原作：戸川昌子 『誘惑者』/監督：渡
邊祐介 /出演：岡田奈々、横内正、大和田獏、千石規子、佐竹明夫
１９８３

1983■ハンガー The Hunger /英、米 /監督：Tony Scott /出演：Catherine Deneuve

1983■妖怪道士(V) Shaolin Drunkard （天師撞邪・九陰童子功）/香港、台湾 /
1983■ゴースト・バスティン(V) Ghost Bustin (抓鬼特攻隊）/香港 /
1983■囚われの美女(T) Le Bell Captive / 仏 /監督：Alain Robbe-Grillet
1983■ザ・キープ The Keep /米 /監督：Michael Mann
1983■魔界天書(V) Kung Fu From Beyond the Grave (奇門天書)/香港 /
1983■Dracula Tan Exarchia /ギ リシア /監督：Nikos Zervos
1983■Pura Sangre /Pure Blood /コロンビア /監督：Louis Ospina
1983■The Black Room / /監督：Elly Kenner & Norman Thaddeus Vane
１９８４

1984■純情姉妹！チー坊とマーコ /日 /監督：渡辺元嗣
1984■バンパイア・ダーリン(V) I Marride a Vampire /米
1984■Carne de Tu Carne /Flesh of Your Flesh /コロンビア /監督：Carlos Mayolo
1984■A Polish Vampire in Burbank / 米
１９８５

1985■スペース・バンパイア Lifeforce /Space Vampire /Lifeforce - Space Vampire /英 /監督：Tobe Hooper /出演：
Mathilda May
1985■突撃バンパイア・レポーター(V) Transylvania 6-5000 /米 /監督：Rudy Deluca
1985■フライト・ナイト Fright Night / 米 /監督：Tom Holland /出演：Christopher Sarandon(Jerry Dandridge)
1985■リトル・ショップ・オブ・テラーズ(V) As Sete Vampires /ブラジル /The Seven Female Vampires /
1985■美女バンパイア、華麗なる誘惑(V) Once Bitten / 米 /監督：Howard Storm /出演：Lauren Hutten(The
Countess)
1985■Dracula, the Great Undead /TV /ドキュメンタリー
1985■ドラキュラ一家、地上げのえじき(V) Pracchia contro Doracula /伊 /監督：Neri Parenti /
1985■The Tomb /米 /監督：Fred Olen Ray
1985■淫女とドラキュラ /米 /1985？
1985■なぜか、ドラキュラ /TV /日 /
1985■赤川次郎の吸血鬼はお年ごろ：月曜ドラマランド /TVM /日 /1985.09.02 /脚本：奥村俊雄 /原作：赤川次郎 /監
督：森田光則 /出演：早見優、岡田真澄(ファン・クロローク)、春やすこ、桑原正、堀江しのぶ、つちやかおり、黒
沢ひろみ
1985■ゲゲゲの鬼太郎 : 月曜ドラマランド /TVM /日 フジ・テレビ /1985.08.05 /出演：佐渡稔(吸血鬼エリート)
１９８６
1986■ヴァンプ(V) Vamp /米 /監督：Richard Wenk /出演：Grace Jones (Katrina)
1986■ニューヨーク・バンパイア Graveyard Shift /Sentral Park Driver /米 /監督：Gerard Cicoritti /出演：Silvio
Oliviero (Stephan)
1986■ティーンバンパイヤ My Best Friend Is a Vampire /I Was a Teenage Vampire /米 /監督：Jimmy Huston /
1986■淫獣道士～地獄から来た吸血ドラゴン～(V) Dragon Against Vampire /香港 /
1986■Grave's End /米
1986■The Midnight Hour /米 /監督：Jack Bender
1986■少女バンパイア あなただけ今晩は /日 /監督：渡辺元嗣
１９８７

1987■ロストボーイ The Lost Boy /米 /監督：Joel Schumacher /

1987■バンパリアン(V) Outback Vampires / 豪 /監督：Colin Eggleston /
1987■ドラキュリアン Monster Squad / 米 /監督：Fred Dekker /出演：Duncan Regehr
1987■新・死霊伝説(V) A Return to Salem's Lot /米 /監督：Larry Cohen
1987■ヴァンプ２(V) Vampire at Midnight / 米 /監督：Gregory McCletchy
1987■どきどきバンパイア・ガールズ(V) Vampire Knights /米 /監督：Daniel M. Peterson /
1987■ニア・ダーク～月夜の出来事～ Niear Dark / 米 /監督：Kathryn Bigelow /出演：Jenny Wright (Mae)
1987■エミリー・チュウの吸血奇伝(V) Vampire's Breakfast (凌晨晩餐）/香港
1987■吸精夢 ザーメンバンパイヤ/日
1987■妖精の館 /日
1987■吸精妖女 /日
1987■極楽バンパイヤー /日
１９８８

1988■ワックス・ワーク Wax Work /米 /監督：Anthony Hickox /

1988■フライトナイト２～バンパイアの逆襲～ Fright Night part2 /米 /監督：Tommy Lee Wallace /出演：Julie Carmen
(Regine)
1988■バンパイア・イン・ベニス Nosferatu a Venezia /Nosferatu in Venice /Vampires in Venice /伊 /出演：Klaus
Kinsky
1988■バンパイア 最後の晩餐 Dinner With the Vampire /伊 /監督：Lamberto Bava
1988■蒼い牙～果てしない愛の物語～(V) Dracula : The Love Story /To Die For /米 /監督：Deran Sarafian /出演：
Brendon Hughes (Vlad Tapes)
1988■ナイト・ラヴァーズ 私を愛した吸血鬼(V) Dance of the Damned /米 /監督：Kate Shea Ruben /
1988■美女とエイリアン(V) Not of this Earth / 米 /監督：Jim Wynorski /出演：Aruthur Roberts (Alien)
1988■Teen Vamp /Murphy Gilcrease : Teenage Vampire
1988■Vampire of Bikini Beach /
1988■Biverly Hills Vamp /米 /監督：Fred Olen Ray
1988■ドラキュラ～吸血鬼の寝室(V) Graveyard Shift Ⅱ The Understudy /米 /監督：Gerard Cicoritti /出演：Silvio
Oliviero (Stephen)
1988■メロドラマ 第二話(V) /日
1988■スペルマ・バンパイア(V) /日
1988■The Rejuvenator / /監督：Brian Thomas Jones
1988■キッス The Kiss /
１９８９

1989■ストレンジャー・ザン・バンパイア(V) Nighlife /ナイトライフ (V) /TVM /米 /監督：Daniel Taplitz /出演：Ben

Cros (Vlad Dracula)
1989■バンパイア・キッス Vampire Kiss / 米 /監督：Robert Bierman /出演：Jennifer Beals
1989■ロスト・プラトーン(V) Lost Platoon / 米 /監督：David A. Prior /
1989■ロック・ア・ベイビー～死霊の子守唄～(V) Rock-a-Die Baby /米 /
1989■ドラキュラ・ウィドー Dracula's Widow / 米 /監督：Christopher Coppola /出演：Silvia Kristel (Vanessa)
1989■サンダウン Sundown : The Vampire in Retreat /サンダウン～ボクたち、二度と血は吸いません(V) /米 /監
督：Anthony Hickox
1989■Carmilla /TV /米 /出演：Meg Tilly
1989■バンパイア・コップ(V) Nick Knight /TVM /米 /監督：Farhad Mann /
1989■Dracula - Live from Transylvania /TV /米
1989■霊幻道士５ ベビーキョンシー対空飛ぶドラキュラ！(V) Vampire vs Vampire (一眉道人）/香港
1989■フリークショー～背すじも凍る４つの物語(V) Freakshow /米
1980■The Vineyard / /監督：William Rice & James Hong
1980■Transylvania Twist /米 /監督：Jim Wynorski
年度別| ～1909 年｜1910 年代｜1920 年代｜1930 年代｜1940 年代｜1950 年代｜1960 年代｜1970 年代 (前期)｜1970 年代 (後
期)｜1980 年代｜1990 年代｜2000 年代｜

Deafulahttp://pediapress.com/books/show/deafula-a-film-for-deaf-peoplemade-by-dum/
Book “Deafula”

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Click to preview!  

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Book size:     approx. 177 pages     
Currency:     EUR (€) GBP (£) USD (US$)
    
Price:     US$ 11.08*     
    Contents:
The Cast of Characters:     
 Peter
Wechsberg as Deafula/Steve Adams     Deafula/Steve Adams (Peter
Wechsberg). The strangest vampire of all time. Doesn't mind sunlight, keeps a
crucifix, and most likely snacks on raw cloves of garlic. And as the name
suggests, he's deaf, and communicates entirely through sign language, just like
everyone else in this movie. No, I'm not kidding.     
 James D. Randall as The Preacher     The Preacher (James D. Randall).
Steve/Deafula's Dad, who periodically donates blood to help his vampire son.
(Long story.) Not too much else to say about him, except he seems like an all-
around nice guy. But really, what did you expect from a Preacher?     
 Lee Darrel as The Detective     The Detective (Lee Darrel). The world's most
inept detective. Struggling to catch a serial murderer who drains his victims'
blood, even though the murderer is his close friend Steve. Whom he grew up
with. In this film, he raises "passing the buck" to an art form.     
 Dudley
Hemstreet as Inspector Butterfield     Inspector Butterfield (Dudley
Hemstreet). The world's second most inept detective. He misses out on the
top spot primarily by catching the vampire killer, even though this seems to
happen mostly by accident. This movie's dreaded comic relief character.     
 Cindy Whitney
& Norma Tuccinardi as Young Amy/Old Amy     Young Amy/Old Amy (Cindy
Whitney & Norma Tuccinardi). A friend of Deafula's dearly departed mom,
who imparts all sorts of secrets to Deafula that don't even come close to
making any sense. Has a bizarre servant who lost his—no, wait. I can't spoil it
here.     
Before launching into a recap, I usually like to give readers some preparation
for what they're about to read. A little background information on the movie,
the historical perspective about the times in which it was made, a general
overview of the production, etc. But in this case, I'm half-tempted to just
chuck the whole intro. In some ways, all you really need to know about this
movie is that it's called Deafula, it's about a deaf vampire, it's performed
entirely in sign language, and yes, it really exists.
This might be the weirdest film I've ever seen, right up there with Blood
Freak—and that was a film about a guy who does too much heroin and turns
into a turkey monster, and then is healed through the power of prayer.
(Strangely, Deafula has the same pro-religion, anti-drug message amid all the
blood and gore and nuttiness.) It's certainly in my Top Five, as far as
weirdness goes. So David Lynch, if you're reading this: watch Deafula and
weep. Well, everybody watching this movie will weep, but that's beside the
point. Vampire movie VAMPIRE FILM

◎ Production By Decade
●- 1909
●1910
●1920
●1930
●1940
●1950
●1960
●1970 (first)
●1970 (late)
●1980
●1990
●2000s
★By year
● Japanese vampire movie
YesCarmilla
YesDracula
○ Elizabeth Báthory
◎ People
Christopher Lee ■ (Christopher Lee)
Bela Lugosi ■
Ingrid Pitt ■ (Ingrid Pitt)
■ (Robert Quarry)
Deafula is the brainchild of writer, director, and lead actor Peter Wechsberg
(who's sometimes credited as "Peter Wolf", not to be confused with the lead
singer of the J. Geils Band). At the time, Wechsberg was a videographer and
actor who had recently toured with the National Theatre of the Deaf, and had
produced a San Francisco newscast for the deaf and hard of hearing. In 1974,
Wechsberg decided to break out into filmmaking, and so begat Deafula, filmed
that year in and around Portland, Oregon.
I really don't want to knock the guy, because from what I've read, it sounds
like he's overcome a lot to carve out a decent career in the industry. (These
days, it seems he's spending all of his time behind the camera, at a soundstage
he owns himself.) I especially don't want to make too much fun of the guy,
because it turns out he does have an online presence (which I'll talk more
about later) and there's a chance he might read this recap. Certainly, there's
more chance Wechsberg will read this than Michael Bay will read the thrashing
this site gave Armageddon.
But even with all that in mind, there's just no getting around it: Deafula is an
indescribably demented film. As you read through this recap, you'll probably
think I made up at least half of these scenes. Trust me, I don't nearly have
enough of a twisted imagination for that.
Undoubtedly, the most bizarre aspect of this film is that the dialogue—every
single word—is performed in sign language. There's also a dubbed-in vocal
track providing a literal (way too literal) translation for hearing audiences. As
you might expect, this vocal track is as unintentionally hilarious as any poorly-
dubbed martial arts film.
And guess what? Wechsberg and Co. actually had the gall to declare this some
kind of amazing innovation, and give it its own name: "SignScope". As a gimmick
to get people into movie theaters, it ranks well below Percepto, Sensurround,
Illusion-O, and just a smidgen above Smell-O-Vision. Yeah, it's that lame.
(Though, the dubbed sign language gimmick looks a little less crazy when you
take into account Wechsberg's time with the National Theatre of the Deaf,
which employs a similar device in its stage productions.)
On top of that, the direction and editing are dreadful. Every now and then,
there will be an interesting setup or camera angle, but for the most part,
Deafula looks and sounds like an overlong student film (especially considering
that it's in black and white). In fact, I originally thought it was a student film,
but no. This thing actually played in theaters.
Gary Holstrom, one of the producers of Deafula, recently gave an interview
about the struggles they faced in getting deaf audiences to come see the
movie. And in the interview, he claims that Deafula was meant as a "light
comedy". Unfortunately, the movie is far too bizarre and off-kilter to be
funny in an intentional way. (Some movie posters exist where the film is called
Young Deafula, indicating an attempt to position it as a horror spoof in the vein
of the then-recent hit Young Frankenstein. But this, too, smacks of the
filmmakers trying to sell the movie as a comedy after the fact.)
 Caption contributed by
Albert
See? It's not just Deafula, it's Young Deafula, which is at least 35% more
hilarious!
Holstrom also insists that deaf audiences got the jokes, but hearing audiences
didn't. I'm torn as to whether or not I really believe this. Yes, at least 50% of
humor is in the timing and in the delivery. I mean, you could take some of Chris
Rock's funniest material, and hand it over to Ryan Seacrest, and I doubt you
would even laugh once. Perhaps this is the case with Deafula. As someone
completely unfamiliar with sign language, maybe I'm just missing out on the
delivery. Maybe this stuff kills when you know ASL.
All I know is, those of us who can hear are left with a strange, misshapen plot
that makes absolutely no sense. The idea of making a movie entirely in sign
language is certainly not terrible. Hell, even the idea of a movie about a deaf
vampire could work in the right hands, so to speak. The problem here is the
script (reportedly made up as they went along), which is unbelievably
confusing, random, and nonsensical.
I'm about to do something I've never done before, and apologize in advance to
the filmmakers, if any of them happen to read this. I only do this because
every single frame of this movie screams out labor of love. I realize Deafula
was made primarily to show the world something it had never seen before: a
film with a deaf protagonist. And I fully comprehend the staggering amount of
work that must have gone into producing an independent film (especially back
in 1975) and getting it booked in theaters. I'm sure it took an incredible
amount of balls, perseverance, and luck, and that's the case even for films
directed at hearing audiences. I can't even imagine how they sold a single
person on a movie about a deaf vampire, much less, as Holstrom claims, 500
different venues.
But they really, really should have poured their hearts and souls into a script
that actually made sense. If you want to be a success at the box office, in
general, you should probably make a film that doesn't immediately convince
people you are actually insane. If they were indeed trying to make a horror
spoof—which I sincerely doubt—they missed the mark by a significant
distance. Deafula doesn't work as horror, it doesn't work as comedy, it
doesn't work as drama. It's simply one of the craziest films ever made.
Prior to the film, there's a fancy title card informing us that this film is in
"SignScope". Along with the card comes this spoken disclaimer, delivered by a
bored male voice:
This motion picture was produced for deaf and hard of hearing audiences. Sign
language is totally visual, with a unique grammatical structure. Its
interpretation into modern English would destroy much of the effect of this
form of communication. With this in mind, we will provide as literal a voice
track as possible to help you follow the story.

Okay, unique grammar, agreed. But why does he have to add "modern" English,
as if sign language is a skill passed down from the ancients? And as far as
providing "as literal a voice track as possible", boy, they aren't kidding about
that. You'll find out for yourself soon enough.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
Wait, I never got my special glasses!
The movie opens on a slow pan around the urban landscape of Portland, while a
solitary pianist noodles around on his instrument. I'm suspecting the piano
player is deaf, too, by the completely out of tune notes he plays here.
And I've got to stop and mention the opening credits, because they're
remarkably entertaining in and of themselves. Our star/writer/director Peter
Wechsberg is listed as playing "Deafula and Steve Adams". Wait, the vampire
goes by Steve during the day? What, he couldn't make the commitment to
being a Boris or a Vladimir?
 Caption contributed by
Albert
The one member of the Addams Family that nobody talks about.
Also in this film are characters like "Minister (Deafula's Father)", "Detective",
"Assistant Detective", "Mother of Deafula", "Young Amy", "Old Amy", "Zork
(Amy's Servant)", and "Dracula". Wait, there's a Dracula as well as a Deafula
in this movie? I don't know about you, but I'm salivating at the prospect of
what kind of insane situations we'll witness, just based on the credits alone.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
C'mon, a guy's gotta earn a living.
The slow pan across the city takes us indoors, and the camera rests on a hand
on a door frame. A shaggy guy with long hair and a beard emerges from a
public restroom, wiping an unknown substance from his mouth. Okay, coming
out of a public restroom, and wiping his mouth. Not really a good sign. And I
half expected them to cut inside the restroom and show Senator Larry Craig
in one of the stalls, but no. Instead, another guy with hippie hair is propped up
against the sink, and looking quite dead, with blood trickling down from his
neck.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"It's my own fault for using that razor with an unprecedented fourth blade. I
only blame myself for this."
So, I'm going to take a stab at this, and say that this is our title character,
Deafula—or rather, his civilian identity of Steve Adams—and he just finished
having some poor guy as a mid-afternoon snack. Yes, it is clearly daylight
outside, but let's not get tripped up on that kind of thing just yet. There will
be many, many opportunities later to marvel at how far this "vampire" deviates
from folklore.
Just out of curiosity, does the regular, non-deaf Dracula feast on the blood of
other dudes? I always thought the Count only went after nubile young females.
This one seems slightly gay to me. Unfortunately, thanks to forum member
snicks, I learned the name "Gayracula" is already taken.

      Continue to Page 2 »»»     

* All About Steve

* Children of a Lesser God
* Congo (film)
* Dead & Breakfast
* Deafula
Cut to our title character, sitting out in the woods somewhere, staring into
space and contemplating who knows what. There's a wavy effect applied to the
screen, much like a Family Ties clip show, and suddenly we're watching a boy
with shaggy hair playing on a swing set. Again going out on a limb, I'll say this is
Young Steve/Deafula. An older man approaches with a puppy, a little husky,
and the boy just hugs the life out of the dog.
Cut to the same older man, now standing behind an altar in a priest's collar,
and saying mass. And since this is a movie made by the hearing-impaired, for
the hearing-impaired, the guy delivers mass entirely in sign language. Are
there really churches where the priest delivers mass in sign language? I'm not
saying it's impossible, I've just never heard of it.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"Oh, dear Lord, why did you make me look like Stan Lee?"
He signs away, while a dubbed voiceover translates his sermon for us. Every
now and then, there's a shot of shaggy-haired Young Steve in a pew, looking on
and smiling. So, let me again go out on a limb, and assume that the priest is
Steve/Deafula's dad. This is a risky assumption, I know, especially when the
credits just told us that a guy would be playing "Minister (Deafula's Dad)", but
I'm just going balls out here, and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop
me.
The Minister, by the way, is delivering Bible quotes seemingly at random. Part
of it comes from Psalm 143, and another part of it comes from Psalm 27.
Maybe in a minute he'll start talking about how "the path of the righteous man
is beset on all sides." And throughout all of these flashback sequences, the
tone deaf piano player continues to tickle the ivories.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
Cousin Oliver Syndrome strikes again.
Suddenly, we're back with the adult version of Our Hero, staring into space.
Steve turns and looks upon... hmm, there's no way to put this that makes
sense. He turns around, the camera pans over, and all we see are the feet and
legs of a woman who's been strung up with rope around her ankles. See, I told
you that wouldn't make sense.
Somehow, this prompts more reflection on the part of Our Hero, and there's
more Happy Days-style wavy effects. Young Steve runs through the woods
with his puppy. Then there's a glimpse of Li'l Steve lying in bed, looking ill. His
Minister Dad hovers over him, while a doctor's hands enter the frame, and he
signs that the kid will need to be given a "pint of... blood" every month.
Then there's more footage of the kid playing with his puppy. And I'd really
like to describe what happens next, but I'm afraid you won't believe me. On
the other hand, I was the one who decided to recap this movie, so it seems I
have no choice.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
Wow. And here I thought "man bites dog" was just a saying.
So, the kid pins the dog down, and presses his face to the dog's neck, and
apparently, Li'l Stevie is sucking the dog's blood. Yes, you read that right. If
there's any doubt of what's going on, we see the kid rise up with stage blood
dripping from his lips. Yes, this really happens, and no, I had no idea that
canine blood could satisfy a vampire. Who knew? I sure didn't.
Back in the present, our Adult Shaggy Hero smokes a cigarette and looks upon
the female victim he's strung up by her feet. She does turn out to be a nubile
young woman, after all. Whew. Deafula, there's hope for you yet.
Steve/Deafula continues to casually smoke.
After a moment, he hops in his convertible and drives off. Wow, so the scary
menacing vampire drives a car? I guess turning into a bat and flying away is
passé. And what's up with a vampire who smokes? I mean, a vampire who knows
sign language, that I can almost buy, but when you're feeding on the blood on
young women, who the hell needs a nicotine fix?
Dissolve to later, as two detectives arrive on the scene. And yes, they are
both deaf detectives, and they're signing to each other throughout this scene.
I'm again taking a risk by guessing these are the "Detective" and "Assistant
Detective" called out in the credits. Although, considering the title of the
movie, I'm surprised they weren't referred to as "Deaftectives".
They talk about how this is the latest in a string of bizarre murders. In fact,
this is Victim #27, and Jesus. That police department must suck big hairy
balls if they can't catch a serial killer after he's killed 27 people.
Here, there's also small talk where we learn one detective is from England.
Although, the guy doing his voiceover doesn't have an English accent. At first
blush, that seems kind of weird. But then again, why would the deaf actor have
a British accent, really, when you think about it? I mean, how would the guy
develop an accent in the first place if he can't hear? (I think I just blew my
own mind there.)
So, the American Detective says they initially thought the killings were the
work of a wolf, "because of the puncture marks in the neck", but after oh,
about six or seven of these deaths, they decided otherwise. The big clue was
that some of the victims were killed in their bedrooms. And as the Detective
informs us, "a wolf couldn't enter a bedroom!" Really, now? Buy windows: now
100% wolf-proof!
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"Congratulations! I volunteered you to be the one who gets the body down
from there!"
So, I'm guessing the girl is now way up in the tree, because the American
Detective asks the "English" Detective how she got up there. There's a really
horrible jump cut here (what is this "action axis" you speak of?) and the
"English" guy says, "I had an experience in England, similar to that girl up
there!" Does he mean that he actually experienced getting puncture wounds in
his neck, and being strung up in a tree? I'm guessing these are the first signs
of that "unique grammar" we were warned about in the opening disclaimer. Hey,
they did put in a disclaimer, so you have no right to complain.
The "English" Detective says, "But I think... a vampire pulled her up! By flying!
It pulled her up!" Wow, he's actually really on top of this, after all. Most
detectives wouldn't have the balls to suggest vampire attack right off the bat,
but it looks like he just nailed it.
The American Detective, not missing a beat, replies, "No. A bat's small. How
could the girl be raised up? Not enough power!" Yes, that makes... perfect
sense? I mean, do they get a lot of vampire attacks in this town? That's the
only way to explain it. I'm thinking this movie takes place in Sunnydale. That's
the only way this dialogue makes any sense. And anyway, a bat couldn't have
carried the girl up into the tree, because as we just saw, our "vampire" doesn't
turn into a bat. He just drives to where he needs to go.
In dialogue that sounds completely improvised, they decide to head back to
the police station to investigate more. The "English" Detective walks away,
prompting the American Detective to make bat-flapping gestures with his
hands. Possibly to ridicule the English guy, but who knows?
Cut to Our Hero Steve, strolling down a quiet suburban street. To continue the
"Gayracula" theme, his outfit is something to behold. He has on a white
turtleneck, white pants, and a suede jacket. Add his mutton chops to the mix,
and it's like the white (and deaf) version of Barry White is making a cameo
here.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"You know... this neighborhood isn't nearly sexy enough. When I think of all
the times I've made love, and shared love, and videotaped love... it's just not
enough, baby. It's never enough."
He then begins to talk to himself. And in this movie, you know what that
means, right? Yep, he actually starts signing to himself. I know it happens a lot
in movies, but even people talking aloud to themselves (to provide exposition,
insight, etc.) is a pretty tough pill to swallow. The idea of somebody vigorously
gesturing when there's nobody around to see it is a few steps beyond that.
In his signed monologue, Steve says, "Look at the children! What a shame!"
Which is very odd, because there are no children anywhere in the vicinity. He
bemoans the state of children who "live in dark cellars" and "only feel the
coldness of the rain". He says, "If I could, I'd give you a rainbow!" Wow,
thanks, a rainbow just for me? Could you make it a reading rainbow, by any
chance?
In addition to his rainbow-giving, Steve would also "string your hair with
pearls!" Ewww. What? That doesn't sound like a good thing at all.
He continues: "I would give you a pot of gold! And a shaft of sun! To light your
world!" Does this guy always speak in Prince lyrics, or what? As he signs to
himself, suddenly a biker dude and a biker chick pull up next to him on a
chopper. Biker Dude is pretty skuzzy, while Biker Chick wears a big floppy hat,
like they just came from killing Jeffrey MacDonald's family. Something tells
me they're not too interested in getting his rainbow.
Our Hero sees the pair, and without giving it a second thought, he signs, "Come
to church with me!" Oddly enough, the scummy biker couple are not interested
in going to church with a total stranger. In fact, they immediately break into
gales of forced laughter. Maybe they heard him say that stuff about a "shaft
of sun". I mean, he said "shaft". Huhhuhuhuhuh.
Biker Dude instead asks, "Got some money?" They he repeatedly signs, "Money!
Money! Money!" So either this is a mugging, or he's telling Steve what his
favorite ABBA song is.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"Money! Money! I want my money back!"
Our Hero resists, so Biker Dude gets rough with him, and shoves him inside of
a parked car. Biker Chick tosses a knife over, and Biker Dude climbs in the car
with Steve, brandishing the knife and continually signing, "Money! Money!
Money!" Good god. I hope I never run into a deaf homicidal mugger. I would
have no idea what he's asking me for.
He then repeatedly stabs Steve. "Money! Money! Money!" He continues
stabbing away, and has a good hearty laugh about it. Cut to his girl, who also
seems to be getting a big kick out of it. I guess this movie takes place during
that strange time in our nation's history, when psycho hippie bikers roamed
the suburbs of America committing random murders. I believe the White
Album told them to do it.
But, suddenly, Biker Dude's demeanor changes. He gets serious, and is now
signing, "Strange. Strange. Strange." He gets out of the car, and it appears
Steve has now completely transformed into a vampire.
And when I say completely transformed, I mean it. He's now wearing a black
cloak with a large collar, and his hair and eyebrows and beard are now black.
And on top of all this, he now has a big fake nose attached to his face. Yes,
I'm serious. And no, I really have no idea what a giant nose has to do with
being a vampire. Words cannot really express how bizarre this is, nor can they
express just how huge the Toucan Sam-sized fake nose looks on this guy.
In case you can't guess, this is Deafula, Steve's alter ego. And if his makeup
isn't bad enough, should I also mention it's broad daylight right now?
Officially, he is the first vampire to operate at noon.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"How dare you force me into this Honda Del Sol? Don't you know how hard it is
to get out of this thing?"
Deafula emerges from the car, and the Biker Dude backs away slowly.
Meanwhile, Biker Chick is hippie dancing all around the bike, completely
oblivious. Isn't that just like a hippie chick?
Biker Dude backs away in terror, and just happens to drop some random drug
paraphernalia, including a hypodermic needle. Hmm, so I guess it was just
attached to his belt, like he's the druggie version of Batman or something.
Deafula grabs the guy's arm and lifts it up, exposing the track marks inside his
elbow.
Deafula then forces a rope into Biker Dude's hands. He signs, "Go over there.
Tie the girl on the motorcycle. Drive over the cliff to your death!" Evidently,
Deafula has the same hypnotism power as the real Dracula, but why he'd want
to see these two drive over a cliff is kind of a mystery to me. I mean, yes,
they're both obnoxious hippie bikers, but certainly there must be a higher
standard for making people commit suicide than that.

 Caption contributed by
Albert
Jamie Farr hates druggies!
And so, Biker Dude follows orders, tying his Chick up to the bike. She seems
rather unfazed by the whole ordeal. I hope she's stoned out of her mind,
which is the only explanation I can come up with for how easily he ties her up.
Well that, and the sloppy direction. The two drive off, and they pass Deafula
on the way to the cliff. Biker Chick freaks out when she sees a vampire
standing on the sidewalk in broad daylight, but sorry, it's a bit too late for
that.
There's endless footage of the two of them on the bike. The Chick makes
very, very half-hearted gestures of resistance, pounding Biker Dude on the
shoulder, and what-not. But it's beyond half-hearted. I might even call it
quarter-hearted or one-sixth-hearted, frankly. She's also pulling at the ropes,
and waving her hand in front of the guy's face, but nope, he is fully under the
spell of Deafula.
(Interestingly, all of this footage is completely silent. Not even Tone-Deaf
Pianist is plodding away here. While I'm sure this was done purely by mistake,
it's still interesting. As a hearing person, I'm so used to having music and
sound effects behind a movie scene that it's jarring when they're not there.
So it's a little bit of insight into how deaf people see films, even though I'm
sure that wasn't the intention.)
 Caption contributed by
Albert
Fonzie grew despondent over the critical reaction to his shark-jumping stunt.
Instead of just speeding right off the cliff, Biker Dude actually slows down,
nearly to a stop. He then proceeds to walk his bike towards the cliff. The hell?
This goes on forever, him walking his bike toward the cliff. There's more
unending footage of Biker Chick struggling with Biker Dude, until finally,
finally, he gets the bike off the cliff, and this is dramatized via somebody
throwing the camera off the cliff.
Cut to a tire track leading up to the cliff, implying that the guy actually sped
up to the cliff and drove off. Yeah, right.
Wow. Could it be any more obvious that there wasn't enough money in the
budget to actually trash a motorcycle?
* The Family Stone
* The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter (film)
* In the Company of Men
* The Jennie Project

Cut to later, and the police have arrived on the cliff. And guess who's the
detective on the scene? Come on, guess, I dare ya. Yep, it's the American
Detective, and I can only assume his English Assistant Detective is not far
from the scene. In fact, there seems to be a rope tied to the rear bumper of
the Detective's car, and it's stretched taut. I wonder if that means anything.
The scene opens with the Detective turned away from the camera, and zipping
up his pants, with the obvious implication being that he took a leak right there
on the crime scene. Wow. Perhaps he's mentally impaired, as well as hearing
impaired.
The Detective gets in his car, and OMGWTFBBQ. Instead of a radio, he has a
little Teletype machine in his police car! He gets on the typewriter-like
keyboard and types something. Ladies and gentleman, the birth of text
messaging. He nods in agreement at whatever's coming back across the ticker.
We're given no clue as to what this conversation is about, because it's not
dubbed in voiceover, and the words on the ticker aren't visible.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"IDK, my BFF Jill?"
He gets out of his car just in time to see his Assistant coming up over the
cliff. Yes, the Assistant actually used the rope tied to the car's rear bumper
to climb down the cliff. He's out of breath, gasping that the two people down
there were killed by a vampire. The Detective, consummate professional that
is, just tells him to "let the lab boys investigate down there! It's not your
business!" Truly, the hardest working detective since the Inspector from The
Howling: New Moon Rising.
He even adds, "It's not your business! Let the police take care of it!" Wait... I
thought these guys were the police? Why are they investigating murders if
they're not the police? What, is this a crazy hobby for them? Is Angela
Lansbury going to happen along in a minute or two? And if it's none of the
Assistant's business, why did the Detective let him climb all the way down the
cliff in the first place?
They head over to the American Detective's big American car. There's dead
silence for about thirty seconds as the "English" Detective opens the trunk,
throws the rope inside, and even has some slapstick business trying to get it
closed. Abruptly, they both simultaneously start arguing again about the
puncture wounds on the victim's arm. So, I guess the "English" Detective
thinks those needle track marks are really vampire bites. Say what?
The American Detective puts an end to the debate by reminding him they have
an "appointment with the preacher's son Steve in an hour at 9 o'clock!" Wow.
"The preacher's son Steve". Imagine going through life being known as that.
Although, I do believe the only boy that could ever reach me, was the
preacher's son Steve.
They get in the car, with the "English" Detective continuing his role as
Bumbling Comic Foil by getting part of his coat stuck in the car door as they
drive away. Yep, he should be solving all 27—excuse me—29 murders any day
now.
Cut to an attractive woman (well, attractive for a movie like this one) at home.
She's just emerging from her bedroom or bathroom wearing nothing but a
towel. Hmm. What could be in store for her, I wonder? Actually, I really am
wondering. In a movie like this, I take nothing for granted.
We watch for an interminable period of time as she gets something to drink
out of the fridge, then sits down by the fireplace with a magazine. What a
great idea! Let's all sit around in towels and read the latest issue of Vampire
Victim Weekly!
Actually, the magazine appears to be a giant size horror comic book called
Ghosts. Oh, the irony! And showing that she practices the Method, the actress
proceeds to flip through the comic from back to front. Psst, it might make
more sense if you start at the beginning. Unless the person who wrote the
comic also wrote this movie. In which case it doesn't matter which way you
read it.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"Wow! Harry Blackstone, Jr.? What are you doing here?"
Well, I guess her fate was easy to guess, because a certain big-nosed shadow
appears behind her. She turns and finds none other than Deafula right there
in her house. She flees immediately, and Deafula slowly follows. She can only
press up against her window blinds, recoiling in terror at the size of his huge
schnozz. Deafula closes in, and...
Cut to a pool table, and a hippie guy is doing the break. It seems we're now in
some happening nightspot. And speaking of ball-breaking, the Bumbling Comic
Relief "English" Detective saunters in the front door.
A hairy guy leans over the pool table to take a shot, and ends up jabbing the
"English" Detective right in the gut. Clearly pissed, he signs at the hairy guy,
"You know better! Be careful, I'm a detective!" What? That was like an
explosion of phrases barely connected to one another. What is he implying,
that it's perfectly fine (and maybe even warranted) for ordinary civilians to
take a pool cue in the solar plexus every now and then? And anyway, as we
learned a moment ago, the guy is not even with the police, so why should Hairy
Guy care?
But what immediately struck me as odd is that the Detective has never met or
laid eyes on the Pool Playing Guys before, and yet feels perfectly comfortable
in communicating with them via sign language. You might think it's because this
place is specifically called out as a deaf hangout, but that's not what's going
on at all.
You see, in this movie, everybody knows sign language. And I mean everybody.
It's like a kung fu movie where police officers and construction workers and
businessmen and doctors all know kung fu. Like the film itself, the world of
Deafula is entirely made by and for deaf people, and we'll see a few hilarious
examples of this in a minute.
In fact, it's entirely possible that everyone in this "world" knows both sign
language and kung fu. It's certainly not much of a stretch to go from doing one
thing well with your hands, to something else entirely. I'm sincerely hoping
that Wechsberg went on to create a martial arts film for the hard of hearing.
The only problem is it'd be so hard to know whether someone is talking, or
kicking ass.
The "English" Detective just grumbles at the hippies and saunters off. He
passes a table where a young man and a young woman are conversing in sign
language. And it's one of many conversations that makes me wonder if the
whole movie was meant as a joke, but honestly I can't figure out why it's
supposed to be funny. Verbatim, here is their conversation, as provided by the
voiceover:
Man: Do you want to come home with me?
Woman: Where do you live?
Man: Habitat Apartments. 200 a month.
Woman: That must be a nice place.

Yes, that is the entirety of their conversation. I suppose if you're trying to

pick up on a deaf girl, being deaf yourself—or at least knowing sign language—
must surely mean you've crossed a major hurdle in getting in her pants.
However, I seriously can't believe telling her how much you pay in rent is
enough to get her in the sack. And keep in mind, I'm giving this movie the
benefit of the doubt and assuming $200 a month was big money at the time.
Especially since he lives in a place that sounds like a zoo.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"Do you want to come home with me? I can show you my accordian."
From this blatant come on, the camera pans over to the bumbling Detective,
who's found his way into a booth. It seems he, too, is trying to make time with
a random plump woman. However, a waiter says his friend is waiting for him,
and he bumbles off. As he crosses the restaurant, he again has an awkward
encounter with the Pool Playing Guys, which has just as much of a point as the
last time.
And now, a static shot of the entire restaurant. After a moment or two, the
Deaf Pickup Couple gets up and walks out, and along the way the girl gets a kiss
on the cheek from the guy. Score! Again, I think this bit was meant to be
funny, but I can't imagine who would laugh at this, other than people closely
related to the actors.
The camera then pans over to the Pool Playing Guys, now seated in a booth. The
conversation they sign to each other is brain-bustingly bizarre. One guy asks
the other guy about the "dimensions" of the engine in his car. The reply is, "I
think, well, 200 overhead cam!" I don't know much about cars, so I'll just
assume that makes sense, even though it sounds like someone trying to come
up with something "carspeak"-esque off the cuff. (Either that, or there's a
strange "200" motif in this movie that I can't figure out. First the rent at
Habitat Apartments, now this.)
And then, folks, I'm serious about this, the other guy replies by shaking his
fists up and down, and proclaiming, "Oh! My pistons go like this!" Oh... my word.
Did he really just do that? Wow, talk about too much information. Wait, that
was a euphemism, right? And then, immediately after he says this line, the
camera cuts away. My god, that was deranged.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
I don't wanna work, I just wanna bang on the drum all day!
And the strangest thing here—well, okay, not the strangest thing. You'd have
to go a long way to top some of the strangeness coming up later—is that all of
what we just saw was filmed in one unbroken take. Everything from the
"English" Detective getting nailed in the gut with a pool cue, to the "200 a
month" conversation, to "my pistons go like this" was all shot in one take. In
normal situations, I'd sarcastically proclaim that the director was trying to be
an auteur, but I doubt the notion even occurred to him.
Cut to the detectives, sitting at a table. The "English" Detective then
proceeds to blow my mind with what he's about to say next. It starts
innocently enough, with him declaring, "Don't forget! England has the best
detectives in the world!" Having lost the battle for the best cuisine, the best
weather, and the best dental health, England can at least safely lay claim to
having the best detectives. Like, um, Sherlock Holmes. Except he didn't really
exist. Or Hercule Poirot. Actually, he's not real, either. Well, I'm sure they
have some good non-fictional detectives, too.
The "English" Guy says that in his line of work, he saw "many deaths with
puncture marks on their necks!" And then, and then, he just casually mentions
that he can still recall his "first encounter with Dracula". Oh yes, he really
says this. And I'm sure he's being totally honest. I imagine most people would
recall their first encounter with Dracula, too.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"Here we go, the 'killing Dracula' story again."
The Brit goes on to say, "When I found him, I hammered a stake in his heart!
And he died!" Ah, okay then. So... you say you killed Dracula? I guess that's
why he recalls his first encounter with Dracula, then. Seems like perfectly
reasonable, light dinner table conversation to be having. Not only do I enjoy
parasailing, but I also killed Dracula! He then feels compelled to add, "Dracula
is dead!" Yes! He died, and that makes him dead, because I deathed him until
he was no longer alive!
Any closing thoughts on this matter, Assistant Detective? "As I said, England
has the best detectives in the world!" I know I was snickering at this a minute
ago, but when it turns out there are English detectives that actually kill
Dracula, it's tough to argue with him. When you kill a vampire, it has a way of
silencing the critics.

* Jerry Maguire
* Johnny Belinda (1948 film)
* Koko: A Talking Gorilla
* Man of a Thousand Faces
* Miracle on 34th Street (1994 film)
* Mockingbird Don't Sing
And hey, look who's coming into the restaurant! It's the Preacher's Son
Steve! He stretches out his arms, then clasps hands with the American
Detective, and it turns out the two of them are old school chums. The
American Detective introduces the "English" Detective, who finally gets a
name here, and it's "Butterfield".
Actually, he's introduced as the "police detective Butterfield from Scotland
Yard. An inspector!" So, wait, is he police or not? Hang on, so when the
American Detective told Butterfield to "let the police take care of it", that
was actually just a shitty line? What do you know.
The American Detective then introduces the Preacher's Son Steve as "my
good friend Steve Adams". And in case you're not keeping up, this means that
the two detectives investigating all the recent murders are having dinner with
the murderer, purely by coincidence. I'd call this lazy plotting, but it's actually
far more demented than that. A lazy writer couldn't come up with a script this
crazy.
Butterfield signs, "Pleased to meet you!" He does this repeatedly, until the
Detective tells him to knock it off. He explains to Steve, "He's a little odd."
Even though the Detective himself is not much better off, since he's signed
"It's good to see you again" at least four times since Steve sat down. But, hey,
comic relief, right? Let's laugh at the clown as he bumbles through life.
The Detective asks about Steve's father. You know, the preacher? "Well,"
Steve says, "my father's still a beautiful person!" Oh yeah, this is indeed the
early '70s. I wonder if the Preacher can offer some beauty tips to us ugly
people? Tip #1: Have a son who will give you a shaft of sun and string your hair
with pearls.
They decide to order drinks, and Steve asks the waiter for peanuts. Yep,
nothing goes better with the blood of nubile virgins.
The Detective chatters with Butterfield, explaining that he and Steve grew up
together. He adds, "His father is a preacher!" Really? Is that why you called
him the Preacher's Son Steve? I just thought it was a very strange, "inside"
nickname.
Then the Detective once again signs, "So good to see you again!" Okay,
Detective, so who's "a little odd" now, huh? The answer, by the way, is
"everybody involved in the making of this fucked-up movie".
Then Steve—I swear to you, he really says this—goes, "A moment ago, I
ordered peanuts!" And then there's dead silence for several beats. What??
What in blue hell was that about? A moment ago, I scratched my ass! Are we
all caught up on the minutiae in each other's lives now?
The "peanuts" comment doesn't seem to register with the Detective, who's
still so very happy to see his friend Steve again. He says, "Remember the old
days?" He explains to Butterfield that in those halcyon days of yore, Steve
was "bashful. It meant embarrassment to sit down and meet a girl!" And now
look at him. Breaking into girls' homes in the middle of the night and sucking
their blood, and everything. He's come so far.
Steve recalls how one time they went to a "tavern", and he sat in the corner,
watching the Detective. Ooh, he's so cute. He says, "Boy, was he playing
around with the women!" Really? Wow, Detective, I had no idea you were such
a lothario. Steve then makes elaborate hand gestures to get across the idea of
"playing around with the women", and I have to feel sorry for those women if
that really approximates what the Detective was doing.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"Oh, Lana, Lana, Lana!"
Just then, the waiter appears with the peanuts. Because a moment ago, Steve
ordered them. Did you catch that? By the way, it's really good to see him
again. But it will be dark soon. There is no way out of here. It will be dark soon.
Steve recalls how the Detective (whose first and last name have still not been
revealed) used to impress the ladies with his "flipped cigarette" trick. The
Detective is coaxed into doing it again for "old time's sake". Now, one would
imagine that the trick involves flipping a cigarette into his mouth, but it's
pretty hard to tell, because what actually happens is he lays the cigarette
across the back of his hand and proceeds to flip it into his lap.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being! You know how it is!"
He immediately blames his flubbing of the trick on "old age". However, if the
trick were flipping a cigarette in the direction of his navel, then I'd have to
say he's still got it. His actual line is, "Old age! You know how it is!" Yeah,
apparently it makes you repeat the same lines of dialogue twenty times over
the course of one meal.
The Detective puts the cigarette in his mouth and asks Butterfield for a light.
The Brit pulls out matches and struggles to light one, until the Detective
kindly reminds him, "The other end." Butterfield then turns the match around
and lights it, which genuinely made me laugh, but only at how completely
deranged the whole thing is.
An eternity of silence passes. Butterfield finally declares that he can do the
"flipped cigarette" trick better than the Detective. Well, unless you flip the
cigarette and it flies out the window and lands three blocks away, I think
that's pretty much assured. Nevertheless, he gives it a try, because this is
the kind of endlessly fascinating stuff you expect to see in a horror film.
He winds up for the try (with the Detective again having to gently remind him
"other end"). The cigarette hits him on the lips and bounces off, which is far
better than what the Detective did. And yet, the Detective still derides his
cigarette-flipping abilities with a sarcastic, "Perfect!" I'm slowly starting to
figure out why 29 people have been killed, and these guys still haven't cracked
the case.
And now, if you can believe it, some semblance of the plot resumes. The
Detective says to Steve, "I understand you got my message." Which is
probably why he came to meet you here in the first place. Good to see he's
quick on the uptake. The Detective declares, "There are several reasons I
need you." Oh? Do tell?
Butterfield continues to practice the cigarette flipping in the background, as
well as hone his Odious Comic Relief skills. The Detective says he wants to ask
Steve about all the "vampire killings". So, is this just his nickname for the
killings, or does he, too, think a vampire is responsible? That wouldn't really
explain how much he mocks Butterfield, what with the bat-flapping gestures
and everything.
The Detective explains that 29 people have been killed. "Now, women and men
all over town are really boiling inside!" I think it's the free love thing that was
going on the time, and not the murders. The Detective wants to know if Steve
has "any ideas" about who's behind the killings. So, this is all just total
coincidence? Really? The police just happen to be casually asking the murderer
if he knows who the murderer is?
And why does the Detective think that Steve has any special knowledge about
the case? And do Detectives really discuss serial homicide cases with random
childhood friends they haven't seen in years?
Steve, a veritable font of good advice, says, "I like to suggest... that everyone
stay in their houses." Problem solved! After all, we didn't just see a girl
attacked in her house. And we didn't hear the Detective just say that people
were killed in their bedrooms.
Steve's serious idea is to establish a "curfew", and wow. 29 people are
murdered, and the police need some random preacher's son to suggest the
idea of a curfew?
Actually, considering Steve is really Deafula, he's probably intentionally giving
bad advice here. After all, he wants women and men to stay at home—the
better to prey upon them, right? But then again, I'm probably giving this
script too much credit.
Then comes this fast paced banter:
Butterfield: But I suggest—[five second pause]
Detective: Save it.

The Detective turns back to Steve and says a curfew wouldn't do any good,
because of all the people killed in their bedrooms. Steve laughs and says, "Oh,
I forgot about that." I'm sure you did, Mr. Bloodsucking Vampire. Totally
slipped your mind, I'm sure.
Dead silence ensues as Steve munches on peanuts. Which he ordered a moment
ago, by the way.
Sadly, the peanut plot thread is now about to take center stage. The Detective
asks, "You still love peanuts?" He turns to Butterfield and says, "When we
were kids, he loved peanuts! Delicious!" I really think the Detective should
stand on a rooftop with a megaphone, and let the entire city of Portland know
just how much his friend Steve loves peanuts. Because it really is that
important. (To be honest, I'm also hoping that Steve will soon declare that the
detective—either one of them, actually—is also "delicious".)
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"Good news! That gum you like is coming back in style!"
Butterfield, however, can't stop being a detective. He asks, "But, why... why do
you eat peanuts with the shells on?" He adds, "Why do you eat peanuts with
the shells still on them?" Have you noticed that half of this movie consists of
characters repeating their lines, with slightly different wording? I mean, half
of this movie consists of characters repeating their lines, only with slightly
different wording.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
When Butterfield is calling you a loser, you know you're beyond hope.
The Detective dismisses this, saying the eating of peanut shells is just an "old
habit", and then Butterfield pulls out a notebook. It's a standard-issue police
detective flip-action notebook, of course, and he proceeds to make a note. I
sure hope it's something about peanuts, and peanuts will be the key to cracking
(pun intended) the case. Otherwise, this "peanut" stuff will seriously be the
most pointless dialogue ever spoken (or signed) in a movie.
[Note from the future: Alas, peanuts do end up factoring into the big final
scene of the movie. So I guess this is actually not the most pointless dialogue
ever. Yay?]
The Detective tells Steve that Butterfield is "bothersome". Awkward silence.
Then Steve says he should be going now. What? But everybody was having such
a great time! The Detective says that if Steve comes up with any "new ideas",
he should let them know immediately. If any of them are in the same league as
the "curfew" idea, I'm sure they're all winners.
Once he's gone, the Detective chides his partner for repeatedly interrupting.
Butterfield says, "But I can, I know that—" And then that's the end of that
scene. Another smooth transition!
Steve drives off in his convertible. Suddenly, we're watching a black guy with
a huge afro running for his life. He's sprinting through a construction site, or a
warehouse, or something. Shots of the big-nosed visage of Deafula are
inserted, which would indicate he's trying to escape from the titular vampire.
The guy scampers around, ducking under machinery, and trucks, and wagons,
and making a sort of embarrassing googly-eyed show of the whole thing. I'm
guessing another influence here was the recent film Blacula, and perhaps this
was an attempt to court that audience, which failed miserably. Well, at least
we can say this is the first horror film where the Token Black Guy is not the
first to die. After all, Deafula has already munched on several white people.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"I swear! White Chicks was all Shawn's idea! Please don't kill me!"
Cut to random guys playing craps on the sidewalk. This is intercut with shots
of Deafula cornering the Black Guy in a tunnel. Craps, then Black Guy and
Deafula in the tunnel. Craps, then tunnel. As expected, this makes no damn
sense at all. Now, I'm no expert on craps, other than it seems to involve lots
of fathers who need new footwear. But to win money at craps, don't you
actually need more than two players?
Well, all is revealed when Deafula emerges near the craps players. I'm
guessing he killed Black Dude, but I can't see him anywhere in the shot. The
Craps Dudes get scared and back up against a fence. There are close-ups of
their faces, and one is a chubby white guy, and the other is Asian. Deafula
advances on them, and wow, this sure is one progressive vampire. White chicks,
white guys, black guys, Asian guys, puppies... he sure doesn't seem to have any
hang-ups in any area, if you know what I mean.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"Oh, yeah. I still got it."
Unfortunately, he's stopped in his tracks when a cop car pulls up at the other
end of the tunnel. Deafula makes several Meaningful Gestures at the Craps
Dudes. Police run towards them, so Deafula ducks into a corner somewhere,
then vanishes via the time-tested trick of "turn the camera off, move out of
the frame, then turn the camera back on". Well, it's good to see the
filmmakers have at least caught up with the advances of the silent film era,
anyway.
The cops appear on the scene, and our two friends the Craps Guys are now
brandishing knives, and making stabbing motions against something on the
ground, which of course we can't see. The cops pin them both up against the
wall, and I'm just going to hazard a guess right now, because with the crappy
camerawork, it's all I can do. I'm assuming Deafula hypnotized them both into
stabbing the Black Guy to death. But it's all so very random. It takes a lot of
thinking and guesswork to figure out this movie, believe me.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"Wait, the jokes in this movie are still twitching! Stab 'em again!"
You know, for a vampire, Deafula sure is vindictive. I mean, it's one thing to
stalk and kill people because you need to drink their blood. I mean, I won't
judge him for that, because who among us hasn't walked among the children of
the night and feasted on human blood? What I don't get is why he feels
compelled to hypnotize people into committing suicide and murder—first with
the Biker Couple, now with the Craps Guys. What does Deafula gain from this,
really? It's almost like he's a vigilante, ridding the city of horrible criminals.
You know, degenerate lowlifes like drug-addicted muggers and... people who
gamble. I would dare say Deafula is meant as a moral crusader we're supposed
to root for, but of course all the weirdness of the script makes it impossible
to really get a fix there.
The police are cuffing the Craps Dudes and taking them away. Just then, two
detectives appear on the scene. Guess who! They examine a body on the
ground, who I presume is the Black Guy, and they note his "neck bites". And
there's victim #30, folks. Maybe around the time Corpse #50 or 60 shows up
with neck wounds, the Detective might give serious credence to the possibility
that this is all the work of a vampire.
* Mr. Holland's Opus
* Nashville (film)
* Needing You...
* Nine Lives (2005 film)
* Orphan (film)
* Out of the Past
And then, in keeping with that "shit that makes no sense" motif the film has
going on, time is wasted watching a cop haul the Craps Guys into the police
station. Both of them looked zonked out of their minds. They head up the
stairs, and the scene ends, and it sadly looks like this bit was included solely as
comic relief. Wow! Kids looking stoned! It's gold, Jerry! Gold!

 Caption contributed by
Albert
"I'm bookin' you both on suspicion of bad acting!"
Back at the crime scene, a small crowd has gathered. Emerging from a nearby
vehicle is none other than the Preacher, AKA Steve's Dad. What, does
Portland, Oregon have a population of twenty people, or what?
The Preacher signs to the Detective that the dead guy is a "a member of my
church!" When I originally saw this film, I tried to give order to chaos (at
least in my own mind) and I figured that Steve, for whatever reason, was
picking off members of his dad's congregation. Sadly, this is not the case at
all. It appears to be pure random chance that Token Black Guy was a member
of the Preacher's church. Furthermore, this fact will never become important,
so your guess is as good as mine as to why the Preacher is even in this scene.
At the same time, we see Deafula himself, now transformed back into normal
Steve Adams. He calmly strolls out from behind a wall. Yeah, just casually
walking by the scene of the crime, doo de doo... He sees his father is there, so
he quickly ducks back behind the wall. Yeah, it might be tough to explain to
dear old Dad what he's doing wandering around at night near the scene of a
murder. The Detectives, of course, would just be oblivious.
Well, what all that was about, I have no idea. Cut to a news anchor sitting
behind a desk, while subtitles inform us this is the "Channel 8 News".
Meanwhile, the two detectives are sitting around a desk, watching this very
same news anchor on TV. And Butterfield is now smoking a pipe, so I guess he
really is British.
The anchor proceeds to detail the latest information on the vampire killings.
And I know what you're wondering. Before you even think it, I already know
the big question on your mind. And the answer is yes. The news anchor delivers
the news in sign language! I keep thinking this movie has to be a joke. It has to
be a failed attempt at comedy, but it is just so bizarre in every aspect of its
production and execution. It's like somebody trying to tell you a joke about
one-eyed albino Eskimo miners living in the 1870s. It might be a funny joke,
but you're so busy trying to figure out why someone's telling it to you in the
first place that your mind can't even process humor.
 Caption contributed by
Albert
"Our top story: What am I about to pull out of my nose?"
(Okay, to be fair, director Wechsberg also helped produce a local newscast in
San Francisco for the deaf and hard of hearing. And from what I can tell, the
anchors of that newscast delivered the news in sign language, which is
probably where he got the idea in the first place. It's still bizarre.)
The anchorman signs that police are still searching for "the murderer who
quote, 'extracts blood from his victims!'" And this may be the first time I've
ever seen "air quotes" used in a non-sarcastic manner.
He reports that there have been "29 victims to date". (So, what, the Token
Black Dude doesn't count? Damn. Give a black man a chance! He's trying hard,
man!) The anchorman actually marvels at how the police are unable to solve
these crimes. Yeah, I know, huh? It blows my mind, too. He basically says that
the police are clueless, and cut to the Detectives watching the broadcast and
looking flummoxed.
Then the anchor mentions the "police inspector's assistant", and despite the
fact that he's almost certainly about to say what a hopeless fuck-up the guy
is, Butterfield lunges toward the TV and excitedly exclaims, "That's me!"
An exasperated Detective makes him turn off the TV. Then they group around
the stereotypical Police Detective Map, complete with little pushpins to mark
the location of each murder. (Pushpins sold separately.)
The Detective yells at Butterfield, saying that when he arrived from England,
there were 18 people dead, and now there's 29. And this surprises him? The
Detective yells, "You're supposed to be the expert! Expert, bull!" I'm sure this
is 100% correct, in that Butterfield laid a massive line of bullshit on the
Portland PD that he was this supposed "expert" on vampires. Yet, I can't
sympathize with the Detective too much. I mean, god forbid he solve his cases
on his own.
The two men have weird, slapsticky business that seems to come from a
different dimension. Then the Detective shoves a photo into the Inspector's
hands. In a very brief, almost subliminal shot, the photo shows a murdered
couple in bed. The Detective yells, "What do you see?"
The Inspector strokes his beard (although, come to think of it, he might be
saying a word, actually) and says, "Beautiful night!" Beautiful night? What? Is
he serious? I have a feeling if I handed this guy a picture of the World Trade
Center collapsing, he would immediately say, "What a great day for a picnic!"
Understandably, this gets the Detective so pissed off that he stares at
Butterfield like he truly believes laser beams will shoot out of his eyes and
incinerate Butterfield right where he stands. He tells Butterfield to just go
home. He yells that he's "fed up", and says, "When it gets to a hundred dead,
then what?" When it gets to a hundred dead? No "ifs" about it, Detective? Let
me just tell you, I'm so glad this guy is not on my local police force. I have a
feeling the entire population of my city would dwindle down to ten people in
less than a month.
Butterfield is emphatic, however. "But I know! I'm from England! The killer is
Dracula!" Yes, because the

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Contents:

The Cast of Characters: The Cast of Characters:

Deafula/Steve Adams (Peter Wechsberg). The strangest vampire of all time.

Doesn't mind sunlight, keeps a crucifix, and most likely snacks on raw cloves of
garlic. And as the name suggests, he's deaf, and communicates entirely
through sign language, just like everyone else in this movie. No, I'm not
kidding.

The Preacher (James D. Randall). Steve/Deafula's Dad, who periodically

donates blood to help his vampire son. (Long story.) Not too much else to say
about him, except he seems like an all-around nice guy. But really, what did
you expect from a Preacher?
 The Detective (Lee Darrel). The world's most inept detective. Struggling to
catch a serial murderer who drains his victims' blood, even though the
murderer is his close friend Steve. Whom he grew up with. In this film, he
raises "passing the buck" to an art form.

Inspector Butterfield (Dudley Hemstreet). The world's second most inept

detective. He misses out on the top spot primarily by catching the vampire
killer, even though this seems to happen mostly by accident. This movie's
dreaded comic relief character.

Young Amy/Old Amy (Cindy Whitney & Norma Tuccinardi). A friend of

Deafula's dearly departed mom, who imparts all sorts of secrets to Deafula that
don't even come close to making any sense. Has a bizarre servant who lost his
—no, wait. I can't spoil it here.

Before launching into a recap, I usually like to give readers some preparation for what they're about to read. A
little background information on the movie, the historical perspective about the times in which it was made, a
general overview of the production, etc. But in this case, I'm half-tempted to just chuck the whole intro. In some
ways, all you really need to know about this movie is that it's called Deafula, it's about a deaf vampire, it's
performed entirely in sign language, and yes, it really exists.

This might be the weirdest film I've ever seen, right up there with Blood Freak—and that was a film about a guy
who does too much heroin and turns into a turkey monster, and then is healed through the power of prayer.
(Strangely, Deafula has the same pro-religion, anti-drug message amid all the blood and gore and nuttiness.) It's
certainly in my Top Five, as far as weirdness goes. So David Lynch, if you're reading this: watch Deafula and
weep. Well, everybody watching this movie will weep, but that's beside the point.

Deafula is the brainchild of writer, director, and lead actor Peter Wechsberg (who's sometimes credited as "Peter
Wolf", not to be confused with the lead singer of the J. Geils Band). At the time, Wechsberg was a videographer
and actor who had recently toured with the National Theatre of the Deaf, and had produced a San Francisco
newscast for the deaf and hard of hearing. In 1974, Wechsberg decided to break out into filmmaking, and so
begat Deafula, filmed that year in and around Portland, Oregon.

I really don't want to knock the guy, because from what I've read, it sounds like he's overcome a lot to carve out
a decent career in the industry. (These days, it seems he's spending all of his time behind the camera, at a
soundstage he owns himself.) I especially don't want to make too much fun of the guy, because it turns out he
does have an online presence (which I'll talk more about later) and there's a chance he might read this recap.
Certainly, there's more chance Wechsberg will read this than Michael Bay will read the thrashing this site gave
Armageddon.

But even with all that in mind, there's just no getting around it: Deafula is an indescribably demented film. As you
read through this recap, you'll probably think I made up at least half of these scenes. Trust me, I don't nearly
have enough of a twisted imagination for that.
Undoubtedly, the most bizarre aspect of this film is that the dialogue—every single word—is performed in sign
language. There's also a dubbed-in vocal track providing a literal (way too literal) translation for hearing
audiences. As you might expect, this vocal track is as unintentionally hilarious as any poorly-dubbed martial arts
film.

And guess what? Wechsberg and Co. actually had the gall to declare this some kind of amazing innovation, and
give it its own name: "SignScope". As a gimmick to get people into movie theaters, it ranks well below Percepto,
Sensurround, Illusion-O, and just a smidgen above Smell-O-Vision. Yeah, it's that lame. (Though, the dubbed
sign language gimmick looks a little less crazy when you take into account Wechsberg's time with the National
Theatre of the Deaf, which employs a similar device in its stage productions.)

On top of that, the direction and editing are dreadful. Every now and then, there will be an interesting setup or
camera angle, but for the most part, Deafula looks and sounds like an overlong student film (especially
considering that it's in black and white). In fact, I originally thought it was a student film, but no. This thing
actually played in theaters.

Gary Holstrom, one of the producers of Deafula, recently gave an interview about the struggles they faced in
getting deaf audiences to come see the movie. And in the interview, he claims that Deafula was meant as a "light
comedy". Unfortunately, the movie is far too bizarre and off-kilter to be funny in an intentional way. (Some movie
posters exist where the film is called Young Deafula, indicating an attempt to position it as a horror spoof in the
vein of the then-recent hit Young Frankenstein. But this, too, smacks of the filmmakers trying to sell the movie as
a comedy after the fact.)

See? It's not just Deafula, it's Young Deafula, which is at least 35% more hilarious!

Holstrom also insists that deaf audiences got the jokes, but hearing audiences didn't. I'm torn as to whether or
not I really believe this. Yes, at least 50% of humor is in the timing and in the delivery. I mean, you could take
some of Chris Rock's funniest material, and hand it over to Ryan Seacrest, and I doubt you would even laugh
once. Perhaps this is the case with Deafula. As someone completely unfamiliar with sign language, maybe I'm
just missing out on the delivery. Maybe this stuff kills when you know ASL.

All I know is, those of us who can hear are left with a strange, misshapen plot that makes absolutely no sense.
The idea of making a movie entirely in sign language is certainly not terrible. Hell, even the idea of a movie about
a deaf vampire could work in the right hands, so to speak. The problem here is the script (reportedly made up as
they went along), which is unbelievably confusing, random, and nonsensical.
I'm about to do something I've never done before, and apologize in advance to the filmmakers, if any of them
happen to read this. I only do this because every single frame of this movie screams out labor of love. I realize
Deafula was made primarily to show the world something it had never seen before: a film with a deaf
protagonist. And I fully comprehend the staggering amount of work that must have gone into producing an
independent film (especially back in 1975) and getting it booked in theaters. I'm sure it took an incredible amount
of balls, perseverance, and luck, and that's the case even for films directed at hearing audiences. I can't even
imagine how they sold a single person on a movie about a deaf vampire, much less, as Holstrom claims, 500
different venues.

But they really, really should have poured their hearts and souls into a script that actually made sense. If you
want to be a success at the box office, in general, you should probably make a film that doesn't immediately
convince people you are actually insane. If they were indeed trying to make a horror spoof—which I sincerely
doubt—they missed the mark by a significant distance. Deafula doesn't work as horror, it doesn't work as
comedy, it doesn't work as drama. It's simply one of the craziest films ever made.

Prior to the film, there's a fancy title card informing us that this film is in "SignScope". Along with the card comes
this spoken disclaimer, delivered by a bored male voice:

This motion picture was produced for deaf and hard of hearing audiences. Sign language is totally visual, with a
unique grammatical structure. Its interpretation into modern English would destroy much of the effect of this form
of communication. With this in mind, we will provide as literal a voice track as possible to help you follow the
story.

Okay, unique grammar, agreed. But why does he have to add "modern" English, as if sign language is a skill
passed down from the ancients? And as far as providing "as literal a voice track as possible", boy, they aren't
kidding about that. You'll find out for yourself soon enough.

Wait, I never got my special glasses!

The movie opens on a slow pan around the urban landscape of Portland, while a solitary pianist noodles around
on his instrument. I'm suspecting the piano player is deaf, too, by the completely out of tune notes he plays here.

And I've got to stop and mention the opening credits, because they're remarkably entertaining in and of
themselves. Our star/writer/director Peter Wechsberg is listed as playing "Deafula and Steve Adams". Wait, the
vampire goes by Steve during the day? What, he couldn't make the commitment to being a Boris or a Vladimir?
The one member of the Addams Family that nobody talks about.

Also in this film are characters like "Minister (Deafula's Father)", "Detective", "Assistant Detective", "Mother of
Deafula", "Young Amy", "Old Amy", "Zork (Amy's Servant)", and "Dracula". Wait, there's a Dracula as well as a
Deafula in this movie? I don't know about you, but I'm salivating at the prospect of what kind of insane situations
we'll witness, just based on the credits alone.

C'mon, a guy's gotta earn a living.

The slow pan across the city takes us indoors, and the camera rests on a hand on a door frame. A shaggy guy
with long hair and a beard emerges from a public restroom, wiping an unknown substance from his mouth. Okay,
coming out of a public restroom, and wiping his mouth. Not really a good sign. And I half expected them to cut
inside the restroom and show Senator Larry Craig in one of the stalls, but no. Instead, another guy with hippie
hair is propped up against the sink, and looking quite dead, with blood trickling down from his neck.

"It's my own fault for using that razor with an unprecedented fourth blade. I only blame myself for this."

So, I'm going to take a stab at this, and say that this is our title character, Deafula—or rather, his civilian identity
of Steve Adams—and he just finished having some poor guy as a mid-afternoon snack. Yes, it is clearly daylight
outside, but let's not get tripped up on that kind of thing just yet. There will be many, many opportunities later to
marvel at how far this "vampire" deviates from folklore.
Just out of curiosity, does the regular, non-deaf Dracula feast on the blood of other dudes? I always thought the
Count only went after nubile young females. This one seems slightly gay to me. Unfortunately, thanks to forum
member snicks, I learned the name "Gayracula" is already taken.

  Continue to Page 2 >>>

 All About Steve
 Children of a Lesser God
 Congo (film)
 Dead & Breakfast
 Deafula

Cut to our title character, sitting out in the woods somewhere, staring into space and contemplating who knows
what. There's a wavy effect applied to the screen, much like a Family Ties clip show, and suddenly we're
watching a boy with shaggy hair playing on a swing set. Again going out on a limb, I'll say this is Young
Steve/Deafula. An older man approaches with a puppy, a little husky, and the boy just hugs the life out of the
dog.

Cut to the same older man, now standing behind an altar in a priest's collar, and saying mass. And since this is a
movie made by the hearing-impaired, for the hearing-impaired, the guy delivers mass entirely in sign language.
Are there really churches where the priest delivers mass in sign language? I'm not saying it's impossible, I've just
never heard of it.

"Oh, dear Lord, why did you make me look like Stan Lee?"

He signs away, while a dubbed voiceover translates his sermon for us. Every now and then, there's a shot of
shaggy-haired Young Steve in a pew, looking on and smiling. So, let me again go out on a limb, and assume
that the priest is Steve/Deafula's dad. This is a risky assumption, I know, especially when the credits just told us
that a guy would be playing "Minister (Deafula's Dad)", but I'm just going balls out here, and there's not a damn
thing you can do to stop me.

The Minister, by the way, is delivering Bible quotes seemingly at random. Part of it comes from Psalm 143, and
another part of it comes from Psalm 27. Maybe in a minute he'll start talking about how "the path of the righteous
man is beset on all sides." And throughout all of these flashback sequences, the tone deaf piano player
continues to tickle the ivories.
Cousin Oliver Syndrome strikes again.

Suddenly, we're back with the adult version of Our Hero, staring into space. Steve turns and looks upon... hmm,
there's no way to put this that makes sense. He turns around, the camera pans over, and all we see are the feet
and legs of a woman who's been strung up with rope around her ankles. See, I told you that wouldn't make
sense.

Somehow, this prompts more reflection on the part of Our Hero, and there's more Happy Days-style wavy
effects. Young Steve runs through the woods with his puppy. Then there's a glimpse of Li'l Steve lying in bed,
looking ill. His Minister Dad hovers over him, while a doctor's hands enter the frame, and he signs that the kid
will need to be given a "pint of... blood" every month.

Then there's more footage of the kid playing with his puppy. And I'd really like to describe what happens next,
but I'm afraid you won't believe me. On the other hand, I was the one who decided to recap this movie, so it
seems I have no choice.

Wow. And here I thought "man bites dog" was just a saying.

So, the kid pins the dog down, and presses his face to the dog's neck, and apparently, Li'l Stevie is sucking the
dog's blood. Yes, you read that right. If there's any doubt of what's going on, we see the kid rise up with stage
blood dripping from his lips. Yes, this really happens, and no, I had no idea that canine blood could satisfy a
vampire. Who knew? I sure didn't.

Back in the present, our Adult Shaggy Hero smokes a cigarette and looks upon the female victim he's strung up
by her feet. She does turn out to be a nubile young woman, after all. Whew. Deafula, there's hope for you yet.
Steve/Deafula continues to casually smoke.

After a moment, he hops in his convertible and drives off. Wow, so the scary menacing vampire drives a car? I
guess turning into a bat and flying away is passé. And what's up with a vampire who smokes? I mean, a vampire
who knows sign language, that I can almost buy, but when you're feeding on the blood on young women, who
the hell needs a nicotine fix?
Dissolve to later, as two detectives arrive on the scene. And yes, they are both deaf detectives, and they're
signing to each other throughout this scene. I'm again taking a risk by guessing these are the "Detective" and
"Assistant Detective" called out in the credits. Although, considering the title of the movie, I'm surprised they
weren't referred to as "Deaftectives".

They talk about how this is the latest in a string of bizarre murders. In fact, this is Victim #27, and Jesus. That
police department must suck big hairy balls if they can't catch a serial killer after he's killed 27 people.

Here, there's also small talk where we learn one detective is from England. Although, the guy doing his
voiceover doesn't have an English accent. At first blush, that seems kind of weird. But then again, why would the
deaf actor have a British accent, really, when you think about it? I mean, how would the guy develop an accent
in the first place if he can't hear? (I think I just blew my own mind there.)

So, the American Detective says they initially thought the killings were the work of a wolf, "because of the
puncture marks in the neck", but after oh, about six or seven of these deaths, they decided otherwise. The big
clue was that some of the victims were killed in their bedrooms. And as the Detective informs us, "a wolf couldn't
enter a bedroom!" Really, now? Buy windows: now 100% wolf-proof!

"Congratulations! I volunteered you to be the one who gets the body down from there!"

So, I'm guessing the girl is now way up in the tree, because the American Detective asks the "English" Detective
how she got up there. There's a really horrible jump cut here (what is this "action axis" you speak of?) and the
"English" guy says, "I had an experience in England, similar to that girl up there!" Does he mean that he actually
experienced getting puncture wounds in his neck, and being strung up in a tree? I'm guessing these are the first
signs of that "unique grammar" we were warned about in the opening disclaimer. Hey, they did put in a
disclaimer, so you have no right to complain.

The "English" Detective says, "But I think... a vampire pulled her up! By flying! It pulled her up!" Wow, he's
actually really on top of this, after all. Most detectives wouldn't have the balls to suggest vampire attack right off
the bat, but it looks like he just nailed it.

The American Detective, not missing a beat, replies, "No. A bat's small. How could the girl be raised up? Not
enough power!" Yes, that makes... perfect sense? I mean, do they get a lot of vampire attacks in this town?
That's the only way to explain it. I'm thinking this movie takes place in Sunnydale. That's the only way this
dialogue makes any sense. And anyway, a bat couldn't have carried the girl up into the tree, because as we just
saw, our "vampire" doesn't turn into a bat. He just drives to where he needs to go.

In dialogue that sounds completely improvised, they decide to head back to the police station to investigate
more. The "English" Detective walks away, prompting the American Detective to make bat-flapping gestures with
his hands. Possibly to ridicule the English guy, but who knows?

Cut to Our Hero Steve, strolling down a quiet suburban street. To continue the "Gayracula" theme, his outfit is
something to behold. He has on a white turtleneck, white pants, and a suede jacket. Add his mutton chops to the
mix, and it's like the white (and deaf) version of Barry White is making a cameo here.
"You know... this neighborhood isn't nearly sexy enough. When I think of all the times I've made love, and shared
love, and videotaped love... it's just not enough, baby. It's never enough."

He then begins to talk to himself. And in this movie, you know what that means, right? Yep, he actually starts
signing to himself. I know it happens a lot in movies, but even people talking aloud to themselves (to provide
exposition, insight, etc.) is a pretty tough pill to swallow. The idea of somebody vigorously gesturing when there's
nobody around to see it is a few steps beyond that.

In his signed monologue, Steve says, "Look at the children! What a shame!" Which is very odd, because there
are no children anywhere in the vicinity. He bemoans the state of children who "live in dark cellars" and "only feel
the coldness of the rain". He says, "If I could, I'd give you a rainbow!" Wow, thanks, a rainbow just for me? Could
you make it a reading rainbow, by any chance?

In addition to his rainbow-giving, Steve would also "string your hair with pearls!" Ewww. What? That doesn't
sound like a good thing at all.

He continues: "I would give you a pot of gold! And a shaft of sun! To light your world!" Does this guy always
speak in Prince lyrics, or what? As he signs to himself, suddenly a biker dude and a biker chick pull up next to
him on a chopper. Biker Dude is pretty skuzzy, while Biker Chick wears a big floppy hat, like they just came from
killing Jeffrey MacDonald's family. Something tells me they're not too interested in getting his rainbow.

Our Hero sees the pair, and without giving it a second thought, he signs, "Come to church with me!" Oddly
enough, the scummy biker couple are not interested in going to church with a total stranger. In fact, they
immediately break into gales of forced laughter. Maybe they heard him say that stuff about a "shaft of sun". I
mean, he said "shaft". Huhhuhuhuhuh.

Biker Dude instead asks, "Got some money?" They he repeatedly signs, "Money! Money! Money!" So either this
is a mugging, or he's telling Steve what his favorite ABBA song is.

"Money! Money! I want my money back!"

Our Hero resists, so Biker Dude gets rough with him, and shoves him inside of a parked car. Biker Chick tosses
a knife over, and Biker Dude climbs in the car with Steve, brandishing the knife and continually signing, "Money!
Money! Money!" Good god. I hope I never run into a deaf homicidal mugger. I would have no idea what he's
asking me for.

He then repeatedly stabs Steve. "Money! Money! Money!" He continues stabbing away, and has a good hearty
laugh about it. Cut to his girl, who also seems to be getting a big kick out of it. I guess this movie takes place
during that strange time in our nation's history, when psycho hippie bikers roamed the suburbs of America
committing random murders. I believe the White Album told them to do it.

But, suddenly, Biker Dude's demeanor changes. He gets serious, and is now signing, "Strange. Strange.
Strange." He gets out of the car, and it appears Steve has now completely transformed into a vampire.

And when I say completely transformed, I mean it. He's now wearing a black cloak with a large collar, and his
hair and eyebrows and beard are now black. And on top of all this, he now has a big fake nose attached to his
face. Yes, I'm serious. And no, I really have no idea what a giant nose has to do with being a vampire. Words
cannot really express how bizarre this is, nor can they express just how huge the Toucan Sam-sized fake nose
looks on this guy.

In case you can't guess, this is Deafula, Steve's alter ego. And if his makeup isn't bad enough, should I also
mention it's broad daylight right now? Officially, he is the first vampire to operate at noon.

"How dare you force me into this Honda Del Sol? Don't you know how hard it is to get out of this thing?"

Deafula emerges from the car, and the Biker Dude backs away slowly. Meanwhile, Biker Chick is hippie dancing
all around the bike, completely oblivious. Isn't that just like a hippie chick?

Biker Dude backs away in terror, and just happens to drop some random drug paraphernalia, including a
hypodermic needle. Hmm, so I guess it was just attached to his belt, like he's the druggie version of Batman or
something. Deafula grabs the guy's arm and lifts it up, exposing the track marks inside his elbow.

Deafula then forces a rope into Biker Dude's hands. He signs, "Go over there. Tie the girl on the motorcycle.
Drive over the cliff to your death!" Evidently, Deafula has the same hypnotism power as the real Dracula, but
why he'd want to see these two drive over a cliff is kind of a mystery to me. I mean, yes, they're both obnoxious
hippie bikers, but certainly there must be a higher standard for making people commit suicide than that.
Jamie Farr hates druggies!

And so, Biker Dude follows orders, tying his Chick up to the bike. She seems rather unfazed by the whole ordeal.
I hope she's stoned out of her mind, which is the only explanation I can come up with for how easily he ties her
up. Well that, and the sloppy direction. The two drive off, and they pass Deafula on the way to the cliff. Biker
Chick freaks out when she sees a vampire standing on the sidewalk in broad daylight, but sorry, it's a bit too late
for that.

There's endless footage of the two of them on the bike. The Chick makes very, very half-hearted gestures of
resistance, pounding Biker Dude on the shoulder, and what-not. But it's beyond half-hearted. I might even call it
quarter-hearted or one-sixth-hearted, frankly. She's also pulling at the ropes, and waving her hand in front of the
guy's face, but nope, he is fully under the spell of Deafula.

(Interestingly, all of this footage is completely silent. Not even Tone-Deaf Pianist is plodding away here. While
I'm sure this was done purely by mistake, it's still interesting. As a hearing person, I'm so used to having music
and sound effects behind a movie scene that it's jarring when they're not there. So it's a little bit of insight into
how deaf people see films, even though I'm sure that wasn't the intention.)

Fonzie grew despondent over the critical reaction to his shark-jumping stunt.

Instead of just speeding right off the cliff, Biker Dude actually slows down, nearly to a stop. He then proceeds to
walk his bike towards the cliff. The hell? This goes on forever, him walking his bike toward the cliff. There's more
unending footage of Biker Chick struggling with Biker Dude, until finally, finally, he gets the bike off the cliff, and
this is dramatized via somebody throwing the camera off the cliff.

Cut to a tire track leading up to the cliff, implying that the guy actually sped up to the cliff and drove off. Yeah,
right.

Wow. Could it be any more obvious that there wasn't enough money in the budget to actually trash a
motorcycle?

 The Family Stone

 The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter (film)
  In the Company of Men
 The Jennie Project

Cut to later, and the police have arrived on the cliff. And guess who's the detective on the scene? Come on,
guess, I dare ya. Yep, it's the American Detective, and I can only assume his English Assistant Detective is not
far from the scene. In fact, there seems to be a rope tied to the rear bumper of the Detective's car, and it's
stretched taut. I wonder if that means anything.

The scene opens with the Detective turned away from the camera, and zipping up his pants, with the obvious
implication being that he took a leak right there on the crime scene. Wow. Perhaps he's mentally impaired, as
well as hearing impaired.

The Detective gets in his car, and OMGWTFBBQ. Instead of a radio, he has a little Teletype machine in his
police car! He gets on the typewriter-like keyboard and types something. Ladies and gentleman, the birth of text
messaging. He nods in agreement at whatever's coming back across the ticker. We're given no clue as to what
this conversation is about, because it's not dubbed in voiceover, and the words on the ticker aren't visible.

"IDK, my BFF Jill?"

He gets out of his car just in time to see his Assistant coming up over the cliff. Yes, the Assistant actually used
the rope tied to the car's rear bumper to climb down the cliff. He's out of breath, gasping that the two people
down there were killed by a vampire. The Detective, consummate professional that is, just tells him to "let the lab
boys investigate down there! It's not your business!" Truly, the hardest working detective since the Inspector
from The Howling: New Moon Rising.

He even adds, "It's not your business! Let the police take care of it!" Wait... I thought these guys were the police?
Why are they investigating murders if they're not the police? What, is this a crazy hobby for them? Is Angela
Lansbury going to happen along in a minute or two? And if it's none of the Assistant's business, why did the
Detective let him climb all the way down the cliff in the first place?

They head over to the American Detective's big American car. There's dead silence for about thirty seconds as
the "English" Detective opens the trunk, throws the rope inside, and even has some slapstick business trying to
get it closed. Abruptly, they both simultaneously start arguing again about the puncture wounds on the victim's
arm. So, I guess the "English" Detective thinks those needle track marks are really vampire bites. Say what?

The American Detective puts an end to the debate by reminding him they have an "appointment with the
preacher's son Steve in an hour at 9 o'clock!" Wow. "The preacher's son Steve". Imagine going through life
being known as that. Although, I do believe the only boy that could ever reach me, was the preacher's son
Steve.

They get in the car, with the "English" Detective continuing his role as Bumbling Comic Foil by getting part of his
coat stuck in the car door as they drive away. Yep, he should be solving all 27—excuse me—29 murders any
day now.
Cut to an attractive woman (well, attractive for a movie like this one) at home. She's just emerging from her
bedroom or bathroom wearing nothing but a towel. Hmm. What could be in store for her, I wonder? Actually, I
really am wondering. In a movie like this, I take nothing for granted.

We watch for an interminable period of time as she gets something to drink out of the fridge, then sits down by
the fireplace with a magazine. What a great idea! Let's all sit around in towels and read the latest issue of
Vampire Victim Weekly!

Actually, the magazine appears to be a giant size horror comic book called Ghosts. Oh, the irony! And showing
that she practices the Method, the actress proceeds to flip through the comic from back to front. Psst, it might
make more sense if you start at the beginning. Unless the person who wrote the comic also wrote this movie. In
which case it doesn't matter which way you read it.

"Wow! Harry Blackstone, Jr.? What are you doing here?"

Well, I guess her fate was easy to guess, because a certain big-nosed shadow appears behind her. She turns
and finds none other than Deafula right there in her house. She flees immediately, and Deafula slowly follows.
She can only press up against her window blinds, recoiling in terror at the size of his huge schnozz. Deafula
closes in, and...

Cut to a pool table, and a hippie guy is doing the break. It seems we're now in some happening nightspot. And
speaking of ball-breaking, the Bumbling Comic Relief "English" Detective saunters in the front door.

A hairy guy leans over the pool table to take a shot, and ends up jabbing the "English" Detective right in the gut.
Clearly pissed, he signs at the hairy guy, "You know better! Be careful, I'm a detective!" What? That was like an
explosion of phrases barely connected to one another. What is he implying, that it's perfectly fine (and maybe
even warranted) for ordinary civilians to take a pool cue in the solar plexus every now and then? And anyway, as
we learned a moment ago, the guy is not even with the police, so why should Hairy Guy care?

But what immediately struck me as odd is that the Detective has never met or laid eyes on the Pool Playing
Guys before, and yet feels perfectly comfortable in communicating with them via sign language. You might think
it's because this place is specifically called out as a deaf hangout, but that's not what's going on at all.

You see, in this movie, everybody knows sign language. And I mean everybody. It's like a kung fu movie where
police officers and construction workers and businessmen and doctors all know kung fu. Like the film itself, the
world of Deafula is entirely made by and for deaf people, and we'll see a few hilarious examples of this in a
minute.

In fact, it's entirely possible that everyone in this "world" knows both sign language and kung fu. It's certainly not
much of a stretch to go from doing one thing well with your hands, to something else entirely. I'm sincerely
hoping that Wechsberg went on to create a martial arts film for the hard of hearing. The only problem is it'd be so
hard to know whether someone is talking, or kicking ass.

The "English" Detective just grumbles at the hippies and saunters off. He passes a table where a young man
and a young woman are conversing in sign language. And it's one of many conversations that makes me wonder
if the whole movie was meant as a joke, but honestly I can't figure out why it's supposed to be funny. Verbatim,
here is their conversation, as provided by the voiceover:

Man: Do you want to come home with me?

Woman: Where do you live?
Man: Habitat Apartments. 200 a month.
Woman: That must be a nice place.

Yes, that is the entirety of their conversation. I suppose if you're trying to pick up on a deaf girl, being deaf
yourself—or at least knowing sign language—must surely mean you've crossed a major hurdle in getting in her
pants. However, I seriously can't believe telling her how much you pay in rent is enough to get her in the sack.
And keep in mind, I'm giving this movie the benefit of the doubt and assuming $200 a month was big money at
the time. Especially since he lives in a place that sounds like a zoo.

"Do you want to come home with me? I can show you my accordian."

From this blatant come on, the camera pans over to the bumbling Detective, who's found his way into a booth. It
seems he, too, is trying to make time with a random plump woman. However, a waiter says his friend is waiting
for him, and he bumbles off. As he crosses the restaurant, he again has an awkward encounter with the Pool
Playing Guys, which has just as much of a point as the last time.

And now, a static shot of the entire restaurant. After a moment or two, the Deaf Pickup Couple gets up and walks
out, and along the way the girl gets a kiss on the cheek from the guy. Score! Again, I think this bit was meant to
be funny, but I can't imagine who would laugh at this, other than people closely related to the actors.

The camera then pans over to the Pool Playing Guys, now seated in a booth. The conversation they sign to each
other is brain-bustingly bizarre. One guy asks the other guy about the "dimensions" of the engine in his car. The
reply is, "I think, well, 200 overhead cam!" I don't know much about cars, so I'll just assume that makes sense,
even though it sounds like someone trying to come up with something "carspeak"-esque off the cuff. (Either that,
or there's a strange "200" motif in this movie that I can't figure out. First the rent at Habitat Apartments, now this.)

And then, folks, I'm serious about this, the other guy replies by shaking his fists up and down, and proclaiming,
"Oh! My pistons go like this!" Oh... my word. Did he really just do that? Wow, talk about too much information.
Wait, that was a euphemism, right? And then, immediately after he says this line, the camera cuts away. My god,
that was deranged.
I don't wanna work, I just wanna bang on the drum all day!

And the strangest thing here—well, okay, not the strangest thing. You'd have to go a long way to top some of the
strangeness coming up later—is that all of what we just saw was filmed in one unbroken take. Everything from
the "English" Detective getting nailed in the gut with a pool cue, to the "200 a month" conversation, to "my
pistons go like this" was all shot in one take. In normal situations, I'd sarcastically proclaim that the director was
trying to be an auteur, but I doubt the notion even occurred to him.

Cut to the detectives, sitting at a table. The "English" Detective then proceeds to blow my mind with what he's
about to say next. It starts innocently enough, with him declaring, "Don't forget! England has the best detectives
in the world!" Having lost the battle for the best cuisine, the best weather, and the best dental health, England
can at least safely lay claim to having the best detectives. Like, um, Sherlock Holmes. Except he didn't really
exist. Or Hercule Poirot. Actually, he's not real, either. Well, I'm sure they have some good non-fictional
detectives, too.

The "English" Guy says that in his line of work, he saw "many deaths with puncture marks on their necks!" And
then, and then, he just casually mentions that he can still recall his "first encounter with Dracula". Oh yes, he
really says this. And I'm sure he's being totally honest. I imagine most people would recall their first encounter
with Dracula, too.

"Here we go, the 'killing Dracula' story again."

The Brit goes on to say, "When I found him, I hammered a stake in his heart! And he died!" Ah, okay then. So...
you say you killed Dracula? I guess that's why he recalls his first encounter with Dracula, then. Seems like
perfectly reasonable, light dinner table conversation to be having. Not only do I enjoy parasailing, but I also killed
Dracula! He then feels compelled to add, "Dracula is dead!" Yes! He died, and that makes him dead, because I
deathed him until he was no longer alive!

Any closing thoughts on this matter, Assistant Detective? "As I said, England has the best detectives in the
world!" I know I was snickering at this a minute ago, but when it turns out there are English detectives that
actually kill Dracula, it's tough to argue with him. When you kill a vampire, it has a way of silencing the critics.

 Jerry Maguire
  Johnny Belinda (1948 film)
 Koko: A Talking Gorilla
 Man of a Thousand Faces
 Miracle on 34th Street (1994 film)
 Mockingbird Don't Sing

And hey, look who's coming into the restaurant! It's the Preacher's Son Steve! He stretches out his arms, then
clasps hands with the American Detective, and it turns out the two of them are old school chums. The American
Detective introduces the "English" Detective, who finally gets a name here, and it's "Butterfield".

Actually, he's introduced as the "police detective Butterfield from Scotland Yard. An inspector!" So, wait, is he
police or not? Hang on, so when the American Detective told Butterfield to "let the police take care of it", that
was actually just a shitty line? What do you know.

The American Detective then introduces the Preacher's Son Steve as "my good friend Steve Adams". And in
case you're not keeping up, this means that the two detectives investigating all the recent murders are having
dinner with the murderer, purely by coincidence. I'd call this lazy plotting, but it's actually far more demented than
that. A lazy writer couldn't come up with a script this crazy.

Butterfield signs, "Pleased to meet you!" He does this repeatedly, until the Detective tells him to knock it off. He
explains to Steve, "He's a little odd." Even though the Detective himself is not much better off, since he's signed
"It's good to see you again" at least four times since Steve sat down. But, hey, comic relief, right? Let's laugh at
the clown as he bumbles through life.

The Detective asks about Steve's father. You know, the preacher? "Well," Steve says, "my father's still a
beautiful person!" Oh yeah, this is indeed the early '70s. I wonder if the Preacher can offer some beauty tips to
us ugly people? Tip #1: Have a son who will give you a shaft of sun and string your hair with pearls.

They decide to order drinks, and Steve asks the waiter for peanuts. Yep, nothing goes better with the blood of
nubile virgins.

The Detective chatters with Butterfield, explaining that he and Steve grew up together. He adds, "His father is a
preacher!" Really? Is that why you called him the Preacher's Son Steve? I just thought it was a very strange,
"inside" nickname.

Then the Detective once again signs, "So good to see you again!" Okay, Detective, so who's "a little odd" now,
huh? The answer, by the way, is "everybody involved in the making of this fucked-up movie".

Then Steve—I swear to you, he really says this—goes, "A moment ago, I ordered peanuts!" And then there's
dead silence for several beats. What?? What in blue hell was that about? A moment ago, I scratched my ass!
Are we all caught up on the minutiae in each other's lives now?

The "peanuts" comment doesn't seem to register with the Detective, who's still so very happy to see his friend
Steve again. He says, "Remember the old days?" He explains to Butterfield that in those halcyon days of yore,
Steve was "bashful. It meant embarrassment to sit down and meet a girl!" And now look at him. Breaking into
girls' homes in the middle of the night and sucking their blood, and everything. He's come so far.

Steve recalls how one time they went to a "tavern", and he sat in the corner, watching the Detective. Ooh, he's
so cute. He says, "Boy, was he playing around with the women!" Really? Wow, Detective, I had no idea you
were such a lothario. Steve then makes elaborate hand gestures to get across the idea of "playing around with
the women", and I have to feel sorry for those women if that really approximates what the Detective was doing.
"Oh, Lana, Lana, Lana!"

Just then, the waiter appears with the peanuts. Because a moment ago, Steve ordered them. Did you catch
that? By the way, it's really good to see him again. But it will be dark soon. There is no way out of here. It will be
dark soon.

Steve recalls how the Detective (whose first and last name have still not been revealed) used to impress the
ladies with his "flipped cigarette" trick. The Detective is coaxed into doing it again for "old time's sake". Now, one
would imagine that the trick involves flipping a cigarette into his mouth, but it's pretty hard to tell, because what
actually happens is he lays the cigarette across the back of his hand and proceeds to flip it into his lap.

"I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being! You know how it is!"

He immediately blames his flubbing of the trick on "old age". However, if the trick were flipping a cigarette in the
direction of his navel, then I'd have to say he's still got it. His actual line is, "Old age! You know how it is!" Yeah,
apparently it makes you repeat the same lines of dialogue twenty times over the course of one meal.

The Detective puts the cigarette in his mouth and asks Butterfield for a light. The Brit pulls out matches and
struggles to light one, until the Detective kindly reminds him, "The other end." Butterfield then turns the match
around and lights it, which genuinely made me laugh, but only at how completely deranged the whole thing is.

An eternity of silence passes. Butterfield finally declares that he can do the "flipped cigarette" trick better than the
Detective. Well, unless you flip the cigarette and it flies out the window and lands three blocks away, I think that's
pretty much assured. Nevertheless, he gives it a try, because this is the kind of endlessly fascinating stuff you
expect to see in a horror film.

He winds up for the try (with the Detective again having to gently remind him "other end"). The cigarette hits him
on the lips and bounces off, which is far better than what the Detective did. And yet, the Detective still derides his
cigarette-flipping abilities with a sarcastic, "Perfect!" I'm slowly starting to figure out why 29 people have been
killed, and these guys still haven't cracked the case.
And now, if you can believe it, some semblance of the plot resumes. The Detective says to Steve, "I understand
you got my message." Which is probably why he came to meet you here in the first place. Good to see he's
quick on the uptake. The Detective declares, "There are several reasons I need you." Oh? Do tell?

Butterfield continues to practice the cigarette flipping in the background, as well as hone his Odious Comic Relief
skills. The Detective says he wants to ask Steve about all the "vampire killings". So, is this just his nickname for
the killings, or does he, too, think a vampire is responsible? That wouldn't really explain how much he mocks
Butterfield, what with the bat-flapping gestures and everything.

The Detective explains that 29 people have been killed. "Now, women and men all over town are really boiling
inside!" I think it's the free love thing that was going on the time, and not the murders. The Detective wants to
know if Steve has "any ideas" about who's behind the killings. So, this is all just total coincidence? Really? The
police just happen to be casually asking the murderer if he knows who the murderer is?

And why does the Detective think that Steve has any special knowledge about the case? And do Detectives
really discuss serial homicide cases with random childhood friends they haven't seen in years?

Steve, a veritable font of good advice, says, "I like to suggest... that everyone stay in their houses." Problem
solved! After all, we didn't just see a girl attacked in her house. And we didn't hear the Detective just say that
people were killed in their bedrooms.

Steve's serious idea is to establish a "curfew", and wow. 29 people are murdered, and the police need some
random preacher's son to suggest the idea of a curfew?

Actually, considering Steve is really Deafula, he's probably intentionally giving bad advice here. After all, he
wants women and men to stay at home—the better to prey upon them, right? But then again, I'm probably giving
this script too much credit.

Then comes this fast paced banter:

Butterfield: But I suggest—[five second pause]

Detective: Save it.

The Detective turns back to Steve and says a curfew wouldn't do any good, because of all the people killed in
their bedrooms. Steve laughs and says, "Oh, I forgot about that." I'm sure you did, Mr. Bloodsucking Vampire.
Totally slipped your mind, I'm sure.

Dead silence ensues as Steve munches on peanuts. Which he ordered a moment ago, by the way.

Sadly, the peanut plot thread is now about to take center stage. The Detective asks, "You still love peanuts?" He
turns to Butterfield and says, "When we were kids, he loved peanuts! Delicious!" I really think the Detective
should stand on a rooftop with a megaphone, and let the entire city of Portland know just how much his friend
Steve loves peanuts. Because it really is that important. (To be honest, I'm also hoping that Steve will soon
declare that the detective—either one of them, actually—is also "delicious".)
"Good news! That gum you like is coming back in style!"

Butterfield, however, can't stop being a detective. He asks, "But, why... why do you eat peanuts with the shells
on?" He adds, "Why do you eat peanuts with the shells still on them?" Have you noticed that half of this movie
consists of characters repeating their lines, with slightly different wording? I mean, half of this movie consists of
characters repeating their lines, only with slightly different wording.

When Butterfield is calling you a loser, you know you're beyond hope.

The Detective dismisses this, saying the eating of peanut shells is just an "old habit", and then Butterfield pulls
out a notebook. It's a standard-issue police detective flip-action notebook, of course, and he proceeds to make a
note. I sure hope it's something about peanuts, and peanuts will be the key to cracking (pun intended) the case.
Otherwise, this "peanut" stuff will seriously be the most pointless dialogue ever spoken (or signed) in a movie.

[Note from the future: Alas, peanuts do end up factoring into the big final scene of the movie. So I guess this is
actually not the most pointless dialogue ever. Yay?]

The Detective tells Steve that Butterfield is "bothersome". Awkward silence. Then Steve says he should be going
now. What? But everybody was having such a great time! The Detective says that if Steve comes up with any
"new ideas", he should let them know immediately. If any of them are in the same league as the "curfew" idea,
I'm sure they're all winners.

Once he's gone, the Detective chides his partner for repeatedly interrupting. Butterfield says, "But I can, I know
that—" And then that's the end of that scene. Another smooth transition!

Steve drives off in his convertible. Suddenly, we're watching a black guy with a huge afro running for his life.
He's sprinting through a construction site, or a warehouse, or something. Shots of the big-nosed visage of
Deafula are inserted, which would indicate he's trying to escape from the titular vampire.

The guy scampers around, ducking under machinery, and trucks, and wagons, and making a sort of
embarrassing googly-eyed show of the whole thing. I'm guessing another influence here was the recent film
Blacula, and perhaps this was an attempt to court that audience, which failed miserably. Well, at least we can
say this is the first horror film where the Token Black Guy is not the first to die. After all, Deafula has already
munched on several white people.

"I swear! White Chicks was all Shawn's idea! Please don't kill me!"

Cut to random guys playing craps on the sidewalk. This is intercut with shots of Deafula cornering the Black Guy
in a tunnel. Craps, then Black Guy and Deafula in the tunnel. Craps, then tunnel. As expected, this makes no
damn sense at all. Now, I'm no expert on craps, other than it seems to involve lots of fathers who need new
footwear. But to win money at craps, don't you actually need more than two players?

Well, all is revealed when Deafula emerges near the craps players. I'm guessing he killed Black Dude, but I can't
see him anywhere in the shot. The Craps Dudes get scared and back up against a fence. There are close-ups of
their faces, and one is a chubby white guy, and the other is Asian. Deafula advances on them, and wow, this
sure is one progressive vampire. White chicks, white guys, black guys, Asian guys, puppies... he sure doesn't
seem to have any hang-ups in any area, if you know what I mean.

"Oh, yeah. I still got it."

Unfortunately, he's stopped in his tracks when a cop car pulls up at the other end of the tunnel. Deafula makes
several Meaningful Gestures at the Craps Dudes. Police run towards them, so Deafula ducks into a corner
somewhere, then vanishes via the time-tested trick of "turn the camera off, move out of the frame, then turn the
camera back on". Well, it's good to see the filmmakers have at least caught up with the advances of the silent
film era, anyway.

The cops appear on the scene, and our two friends the Craps Guys are now brandishing knives, and making
stabbing motions against something on the ground, which of course we can't see. The cops pin them both up
against the wall, and I'm just going to hazard a guess right now, because with the crappy camerawork, it's all I
can do. I'm assuming Deafula hypnotized them both into stabbing the Black Guy to death. But it's all so very
random. It takes a lot of thinking and guesswork to figure out this movie, believe me.
"Wait, the jokes in this movie are still twitching! Stab 'em again!"

You know, for a vampire, Deafula sure is vindictive. I mean, it's one thing to stalk and kill people because you
need to drink their blood. I mean, I won't judge him for that, because who among us hasn't walked among the
children of the night and feasted on human blood? What I don't get is why he feels compelled to hypnotize
people into committing suicide and murder—first with the Biker Couple, now with the Craps Guys. What does
Deafula gain from this, really? It's almost like he's a vigilante, ridding the city of horrible criminals. You know,
degenerate lowlifes like drug-addicted muggers and... people who gamble. I would dare say Deafula is meant as
a moral crusader we're supposed to root for, but of course all the weirdness of the script makes it impossible to
really get a fix there.

The police are cuffing the Craps Dudes and taking them away. Just then, two detectives appear on the scene.
Guess who! They examine a body on the ground, who I presume is the Black Guy, and they note his "neck
bites". And there's victim #30, folks. Maybe around the time Corpse #50 or 60 shows up with neck wounds, the
Detective might give serious credence to the possibility that this is all the work of a vampire.

 Mr. Holland's Opus

 Nashville (film)
 Needing You...
 Nine Lives (2005 film)
 Orphan (film)
 Out of the Past

And then, in keeping with that "shit that makes no sense" motif the film has going on, time is wasted watching a
cop haul the Craps Guys into the police station. Both of them looked zonked out of their minds. They head up
the stairs, and the scene ends, and it sadly looks like this bit was included solely as comic relief. Wow! Kids
looking stoned! It's gold, Jerry! Gold!

"I'm bookin' you both on suspicion of bad acting!"

Back at the crime scene, a small crowd has gathered. Emerging from a nearby vehicle is none other than the
Preacher, AKA Steve's Dad. What, does Portland, Oregon have a population of twenty people, or what?
The Preacher signs to the Detective that the dead guy is a "a member of my church!" When I originally saw this
film, I tried to give order to chaos (at least in my own mind) and I figured that Steve, for whatever reason, was
picking off members of his dad's congregation. Sadly, this is not the case at all. It appears to be pure random
chance that Token Black Guy was a member of the Preacher's church. Furthermore, this fact will never become
important, so your guess is as good as mine as to why the Preacher is even in this scene.

At the same time, we see Deafula himself, now transformed back into normal Steve Adams. He calmly strolls out
from behind a wall. Yeah, just casually walking by the scene of the crime, doo de doo... He sees his father is
there, so he quickly ducks back behind the wall. Yeah, it might be tough to explain to dear old Dad what he's
doing wandering around at night near the scene of a murder. The Detectives, of course, would just be oblivious.

Well, what all that was about, I have no idea. Cut to a news anchor sitting behind a desk, while subtitles inform
us this is the "Channel 8 News". Meanwhile, the two detectives are sitting around a desk, watching this very
same news anchor on TV. And Butterfield is now smoking a pipe, so I guess he really is British.

The anchor proceeds to detail the latest information on the vampire killings. And I know what you're wondering.
Before you even think it, I already know the big question on your mind. And the answer is yes. The news anchor
delivers the news in sign language! I keep thinking this movie has to be a joke. It has to be a failed attempt at
comedy, but it is just so bizarre in every aspect of its production and execution. It's like somebody trying to tell
you a joke about one-eyed albino Eskimo miners living in the 1870s. It might be a funny joke, but you're so busy
trying to figure out why someone's telling it to you in the first place that your mind can't even process humor.

"Our top story: What am I about to pull out of my nose?"

(Okay, to be fair, director Wechsberg also helped produce a local newscast in San Francisco for the deaf and
hard of hearing. And from what I can tell, the anchors of that newscast delivered the news in sign language,
which is probably where he got the idea in the first place. It's still bizarre.)

The anchorman signs that police are still searching for "the murderer who quote, 'extracts blood from his
victims!'" And this may be the first time I've ever seen "air quotes" used in a non-sarcastic manner.

He reports that there have been "29 victims to date". (So, what, the Token Black Dude doesn't count? Damn.
Give a black man a chance! He's trying hard, man!) The anchorman actually marvels at how the police are
unable to solve these crimes. Yeah, I know, huh? It blows my mind, too. He basically says that the police are
clueless, and cut to the Detectives watching the broadcast and looking flummoxed.

Then the anchor mentions the "police inspector's assistant", and despite the fact that he's almost certainly about
to say what a hopeless fuck-up the guy is, Butterfield lunges toward the TV and excitedly exclaims, "That's me!"

An exasperated Detective makes him turn off the TV. Then they group around the stereotypical Police Detective
Map, complete with little pushpins to mark the location of each murder. (Pushpins sold separately.)

The Detective yells at Butterfield, saying that when he arrived from England, there were 18 people dead, and
now there's 29. And this surprises him? The Detective yells, "You're supposed to be the expert! Expert, bull!" I'm
sure this is 100% correct, in that Butterfield laid a massive line of bullshit on the Portland PD that he was this
supposed "expert" on vampires. Yet, I can't sympathize with the Detective too much. I mean, god forbid he solve
his cases on his own.

The two men have weird, slapsticky business that seems to come from a different dimension. Then the Detective
shoves a photo into the Inspector's hands. In a very brief, almost subliminal shot, the photo shows a murdered
couple in bed. The Detective yells, "What do you see?"

The Inspector strokes his beard (although, come to think of it, he might be saying a word, actually) and says,
"Beautiful night!" Beautiful night? What? Is he serious? I have a feeling if I handed this guy a picture of the World
Trade Center collapsing, he would immediately say, "What a great day for a picnic!"

Understandably, this gets the Detective so pissed off that he stares at Butterfield like he truly believes laser
beams will shoot out of his eyes and incinerate Butterfield right where he stands. He tells Butterfield to just go
home. He yells that he's "fed up", and says, "When it gets to a hundred dead, then what?" When it gets to a
hundred dead? No "ifs" about it, Detective? Let me just tell you, I'm so glad this guy is not on my local police
force. I have a feeling the entire population of my city would dwindle down to ten people in less than a month.

Butterfield is emphatic, however. "But I know! I'm from England! The killer is Dracula!" Yes, because the