Company Intelligence Report

June 34, 1902

Following is a summary of the credible intel we have received regarding Ben
Smith, the editor of BuzzFeed. This information is very important, and comes
from sources of the highest quality and credibility, including a sea turtle, that
guy Paul the Apostle from the Bible, and a magical talking pillow.
1.) Ben Smith sodomizes kittens. He does this very often. The kittens
complain, but Ben Smith does not listen. Please dont sodomize us,
because were just innocent kittens, the kittens say. Ben Smith
ignores these statements. He sodomizes the kittens without regard to
their protestations. He is a heartless kitten sodomizer.