10 Real Questions From College

Guys About Love And Dating

ALEXANDRA HUGHES
Alexandra is a freshman studying biological engineering.
alexandrahughes6498@gmail.com
Purdue University

Your biggest problem is that you love being in love. This is what my mom recently said to me
while we were talking about my recent break-up.

After a failed attempt of trying to defend myself through five minutes of stuttering, I walked out of her office
frustrated and silent. Then, like clockwork, while texting one of my sorority sisters, she pointed out that I dont need
to have a love life, but rather flings.So here I am laying in my bed, listening to Only You by Yaz (yes, the song is
older than I am) thinking about love and dating. Is it really such a problem to be in love with love? Do I really need
to just have flings? Then, I started wondering how guys felt. I am like a deer in the headlights when it comes to
figuring out how guys think and operate. After all, I have only really ever seriously dated two guys. Intrigued, and
starting out as a joke, I sent out a Google Doc to all the fraternities my sorority has on GroupMe, asking guys to
anonymously submit questions about love and dating in college. And guess what? They actually sent in questions!

Here it is ladies, the questions that the handsome college men of Purdue have about love and
dating in college and my thoughts on them.

1. If I like two girls and they both like me back, what do I do? I wish I could tell you who
would be best for you, but ultimately, only you can decide that. If anything, I would tell you to be
honest with them because if they find out about each other, they could possibly feel betrayed!

2. How do you deal with having hardly any dating experience, especially in an environment where
most people want to hook up? Just do you! It is 100 percent OK to not be looking for a hookup! I know Im
not. If anything, just live your life with your standards and goals in mind. It is easier said than done, but eventually,
you will find the right person that is not going just want to hook up. They are out there, so dont give up hope!

3. Where are the non-crazy chicks at? Well, I dont know where you keep meeting these crazy chicks but
I am pretty sure Purdue University does not only accept crazy chicks. If you keep meeting these girls in certain
environments (parties, Tinder, etc.), you should probably expand and meet girls in a new type of environment.

4. How well does a girl need to know you before you ask her out? I mean, I would not just randomly
go on a date with a random guy that came up to me on the street, but you could always go up to her and have a
genuine conversation to get her number! No method of communication is better than in person! So go get em!

5. What if one person in a relationship has no sexual experience? Like I said above, THAT IS TOTALLY

?
FINE! Particularly in college relationships, people make it seem that if you arent having sex, its not working out.

15
?
Well, they are lying. I am willing to bet that a lot more relationships than what one thinks do not involve sex.

6. Can you fall in love more than once? YES! YES! YES! Of course you can. Do you remember that
feeling you had when you had your first kiss or first actual relationship? That was love! I also believe that
there are many different types of love because the love you felt for your first girlfriend is way different than
the love you will feel for your future spouse! It doesnt invalidate that love, its just a different type of love.

7. Do girls prefer to be asked out by the guy first? Yes. Although girls often like to take
control of situations, it is always nice to be approached by a guy first. It shows that you are genuinely
interested in them and in the relationship, especially if you do it in person. (Do it in person!)

8. Have friends with benefits ever worked in the history of mankind. One word, two
letters, very simple word: no.

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9. A lot of sorority girls have a lot of guy friends, so how do I know if shes being playful
with me like with her other guy friends or if shes actually flirting? I think if she had further
feelings for you, she would treat you different or would tell you herself. Unfortunately, it sounds like
you have fallen into the never ending void of the friend zone.
10. Can you ever love someone new without closure of a past relationship? Yes, I definitely think you
can. It really sucks and I would know because this has happened to me, but you will live and love again another
day. It may take time, but I definitely think its possible. There is no such thing as the perfect thing at the wrong time
because the perfect thing would be perfect at any time.
Although I received an overwhelming about of questions, these were my favorites! To answer
the many questions referring to sex that I didnt post, all in one statement, I am not a personal sex
therapist nor do I want to be. Guys, either step up your game or stop making relationships and love
all about sex because it is not all about that. A shocking question that I received specifically for me
was Do you plan to be in a serious relationship by the end of college? At first, I kind of laughed, but
when I truly think about it I dont quite have an answer. I think ideally, in some perfect world, yes, I
would love to be in a serious, committed relationship by the end of my time at Purdue (LOL chances of
that happening though are looking slim). I mean, isnt that one of the biggest stereotypes of college,
anyway? That we meet the person we will marry in college? But realistically, I would be okay if I wasnt.
Sometimes life happens, and if the love of my life isnt at Purdue, then he is somewhere out there!
There you have it, ladies, maybe guys dont think all that much different from us. While it may
seem impossible or that you arent finding the right person in college, I really just think it takes time.
For both guys and girls, while waiting for that special someone, focus on yourself and your friends
because that is who will always be there despite whether you are in a relationship or not.

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Why We
or doing anything relatively thoughtful, to
watching Netflix and maybe ordering a pizza.
It seems like no one is actually dating
awkward. And if its really unfixable, at least you tried.
You did better than the rest of us, stuck at home
Snapchatting the person theyre talking to.

Need To Start anymore. Everyone is talking or has a

Our generation Im not saying that we all need to go out and
thing with someone or is kind of dating is pretty screwed ask every person weve ever thought was cute
that one guy from bio lab. No one wants up when it out on a date. Im not saying that these dates

Dating Again
EILEEN CURRAN
Eileen is a junior
studying communication.
eileencurran@miamiOH.edu
Miami University
Our generation is pretty screwed up when it comes to
dating.
Ill pick you up at 7 oclock has turned into arriving at 7:15
p.m. and sending a text saying, Im here instead of walking to
the door and meeting their parents.
Snapchats and Instagram likes have become acceptable
forms of flirting. A like on Instagram is way more common
than a compliment in real life.
Date night has evolved from going out to dinner, playing
putt-putt (a completely underrated pastime in my opinion)
the commitment of a real relationship, but comes to the need to be extravagant or meticulously planned
they dont want to be alone either. out. What I am saying is that there is nothing
whole dating to lose. If you think the person you sit next to
A guy wont take the girl hes talking to thing. in calculus is cute, ask them to study sometime.
on an actual date, but when he sees that her Instead of Snapchatting your crush constantly, go get
best friend on Snapchat is another guy, he freaks ice cream. Ask the person that youve always wanted to
out. A girl doesnt want to commit to the guy she get to know better to hang out (in person! What a concept!).
has a thing with, but she gets mad when she sees that he is
liking other girls photos on Instagram. Do something fun and spontaneous. Dont worry if its
awkward. Dont get mad over Instagram likes and Snapchat best
Im not sure when these actions became acceptable friends. Life is too short. Plus, you never know what will happen.
substitutes for real life conversations or dates, but its happened
and it needs to change. Who knows? That random date you ask someone on might
be the start of a beautiful relationship.
I think we should bring back dating. Real, honest-to-goodness,
Ill pick you up at 7 oclock dating. Instead of sending a
Snapchat to that person you have your eye on, why not ask
them out on a real date? I get it. Its scary. You have to deal with
the fear of being rejected. Theres also potential for it to be really
awkward, but honestly, there are worse things in life. Sure, they
might say no. Thats a bummer, but its not the end of the world.
At least you tried.
On the other hand, lets pretend they say yes, and you do go on
the date, and its really awkward. First of all, take a deep breath.
Again, this is not the end of the world. Tell some stupid jokes.
Talk endlessly about your family. First dates are supposed to be

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Why I Am Proud To Be Confidently Sexual
hard to get and to not tell them what I want in order to keep them guessing. As
I got older, I realized how those games, that sort of lifestyle and that ideology,
LILY HARIR just doesnt work for me.

Lily is a junior studying writing and television production. My friend who is an aspiring music videographer recently asked me to be the
lilyharir15@Gmail.com solo model in one of his edits for Instagram and for his portfolio collection.
Ithaca, New York Being a photographer myself, I recognize how hard it is to find models and to
get models to enact exactly
what your vision is. His
vision would be considered
risqu, sexy, sensual,
or maybe even slutty, in
some peoples eyes and he
wanted me to portray his
idea. Recognizing my lack of
confidence when it comes to
my body, I said yes in order
to boost my self-esteem and
to also simply help a friend
out knowing how many
people would reject his idea.

While filming, I felt comfortable

but also nervous. Ironically, I
wasnt nervous about the fact
that I was standing there in my
bra and undies in front of one of
my best guy friends. But I was
nervous about the video being
displayed for everyone to see.
Yes, of course, I thought and
still think about my future and
how this video could potentially
impact that, but I then thought
about how this is an art form
and Im emulating confidence,
so that should be enough, right?

Id like to think so, but then

As a young, female adult in college,
Ignore the pressures I feel pressure to act a certain way.
society has It takes a lot for me to not be me. I can
implemented
genuinely say I am sincere, a listener, honest,
in your open minded, passionate, charismatic, overtly friendly,
creative, giddy, introspective while also being cold at
brain. times, a wee bit spiteful, turned off easily, impulsive, and
sometimes stuck in my own head. But what is funny is that I kept
jumping back and forth between writing sexual, as a characteristic
of mine, in the positive comments about myself or the slightly negative
comments about myself. I ended up not being able to choose.
Why am I having trouble categorizing that word? Is it because I am afraid
of what people would say, or because I feel the pressure of being a goody-good
girl who must remain mysterious in order to be wanted, sexy, interesting in other
peoples eyes? So is saying I am sexual, or lusty not attractive? I genuinely dont
know.
I have felt an enormous amount of pressure to close off my sexuality my entire
life. This pressure doesnt, at all, derive from my upbringing. As a matter of fact,
my parents have always been accepting of my flirty persona and aware of the
fact that I was always boy-crazy at a young age.
I believe I have been psychologically influenced to think that being confident
(whether about my body, my personality, etc.) when it comes to sex is a no-no
as a girl. I should act uninterested in the guy who I like and want to see, to play
I think about those people
who would consider this
video slutty. Theyd probably think I was either being too sexy, too confident, too
easy, too open and too provoking. But why? Because I am trying to be comfortable
in my skin? Because I am hopefully inspiring people to take risks? Because I work
hard on my body and want to show it off a little? Is that too much to say? Is that
too hard for you to hear?
The pressures I feel to be a closed off girl is hard coming from someone who
was always told to be who you are. I am not shy; I am not a scaredy-cat who is
afraid to take risks; I am not someone who ever wants to be perceived as insecure
or vulnerable. I want to emulate confidence, power and positivity. I like to remain
mysterious in many instances, dont get me wrong, but I am an open book (when
I feel like it) and I wont disable that part of myself for anyone. Thats just me.
If you feel like you want to text that guy/girl youve been longing to speak with,
sleep with, kiss, hug, snuggle with: do it. If you want to pose for a friends photo
shoot acting sexy and sensual: do it. If you want to wear clothes that show off
your belly button ring, and your cleavage: do it. Do whatever makes you happy
while also being YOU F those stereotypes and those pressures we girls feel
to remain mysterious and less sexualized, if that isnt who we are. I have been
pushing myself every single day to take risks in order to get to the confidence
level I feel will enable me to be the happiest I know I can be. From getting a self-
love tattoo, to texting the guy who I like, to modeling for a friend, to working out
in the gym, to eating what my body craves and needs, to even listening to music
and going for walks, I am doing what makes me feel good in order to better myself,
and to embrace myself and all my existing characteristics. I refuse to shy away
from anything other than that.

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Sexy Is Not Demeaning
TANNER DAVID HARRIS
Tanner is a junior studying english
and environmental science.
tanner.harris.728@gmail.com
California State University Bakersfield
It goes
Its everywhere and next to impossible to ignore nowadays. past
Whenever you go to the mall, open up a magazine, or turn on the
television, you see it. In-your-face advertisements with lean and skin-deep.
muscular specimens of the human race with perfect hair, piercing
gazes and clothed in only the most luxurious fashion brands. Sexy.
From a business standpoint, this makes complete sense. Sex appeal
sells, and it has always been an effective tactic to market everything from
clothes to hamburgers. But on the other side of the coin is the social standpoint;
people who believe that these types of advertisements portray an unrealistic image
and thus manipulating the expectation on what makes a man or woman attractive.
But I say being sexy doesnt mean being demeaning.
To clarify, I am in no way endorsing or praising large corporations marketing
tactics, but this is a topic I feel needs to be addressed.
It just seems to me that people recently have gotten the wrong idea of what
exactly defines attractiveness. While there is certainly an aspect of physicality to
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it, the basket the advertisers put all their eggs into, it goes deeper than that in
our everyday lives.
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, sexy is defined as generally
attractive or interesting. I think most people mistakenly take this at face value,
believing its all in your body weight or how far along you are on that six pack. But
looking at the definition again, notice how no physical traits are assigned to it. Sexy
doesnt mean having a flat stomach or fair skin; it means being your own person.
There are certainly a lot of people who find muscular bodies attractive,
but there are also lots of people who find intelligence stimulating.
Having a nice face is all well and good, but a great sense of humor
goes a long way as well. See where Im going with this?
The advertisements you see certainly get their point across. If you
want to be attractive, youll indulge in our product. And as a society
that is largely based on consumerism and capitalism, its easy to fall
into that trap. But the thing about that logic is that its part of a fiction,
a fantasy. Not real.
No one all of a sudden becomes magnetically attractive just because they began
washing themselves with a special body wash or wore a certain brand of clothes.
Its the individual using these products, the person the products accentuate; thats
the real draw. And its OK to look good, but attractiveness is a two-way street.
Every person has traits and aspects of another person they find interesting.
Blond or brunette, athlete or scholar, introvert or extrovert. Sexy is a concept that
is mostly relevant to that singular person and does not have to be demeaning.
Yes, most people like to look at the Adonis or Aphrodite physique, and thats what
these companies use to get their sales. But when it comes to you and me, its more
than skin deep.
Ideas 5
 family to tell them my amazing news. After
telling everyone I wanted to, we decided to
The belief that announce it to everyone else by posting it
getting married on Facebook. The news was met with the
obvious responses to any engagement.
young will The days following his proposal were filled
end your life is with seeing people and showing them my
crazy. diamond. Everyone seemed thoroughly
excited. But after a couple of days, people
started to make their honest thoughts on
the engagement known.
Why Getting Engaged How are you okay getting married so young?
Young Is Not The End Dont you want to live on your own?
Of My Life Youre in the prime of your life, why would you want to
SETTLE DOWN???
Dont you want to have time to party and live your life before
you get married?
EMILY FAITH TAGUE
These are just a few of the things I had people ask me about my
Emily is a freshman engagement at the age of 18. Many seemed baffled that I would
studying social work. even consider getting married as young as I am. And I have to say
emilyftague2@gmail.com that I dont see what the issue is.
Ball State University
That argument about me not being able to party? That is a moot
point. I am not a partier, nor is my fianc. I am the friend that holds
On Christmas Day, my boyfriend of three-and-a-half-years got her friends hair back after the party. So marrying the love of my life
down on one knee, in front of his whole family, and asked me to is not stopping me from partying all the time. I would much rather
marry him. Through tears of joy, I told him yes, and put the gorgeous sit with him watching Netflix than go out and party.
ring he had presented me on my left hand. I proceeded into his
I think the thing that baffled me the most about peoples
grandparents guest bedroom and called my dearest friends and
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comments is that they were seeking to change my mind, as though
marrying my best friend, at an age they think is too young, is going
to ruin my whole life.
However, what nobody took the time to consider is this: all of
this is exactly what I want in life.
My fianc and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. We started
dating the summer before my sophomore year of high school.
We have been through thick and thin together. I have dreamed
of marrying him since I was a junior in high school. So why in the
world is the idea of me settling down with him two years from now
so baffling to people?
Getting married young will not be the end of my life.
It will be the beginning.
It will be the beginning of my life with my husband. It will be the
beginning of a family. Yes, I am 19, and he is 21. But that doesnt
mean commitment is a foreign concept for us like it can be for
many young people today.
This belief that getting married young will end your life
is crazy.
If you love someone, and you have been together long enough
to know you want to marry them, why would you wait forever to
marry them?
Being engaged at 19-years-old does not the mark of the end of my
life. And I refuse to let people act like it is. I am planning my whole
life with my best friend. I am living my dream. Why act like my life
is ending once I say I do?
The Type Of Love
Your Grandparents
Had Is Still Out There
ELENA INFANTINO
Elena is a senior studying public communication.
elenainfantino25@gmail.com
SUNY Buffalo State

When something is right, you generally dont have to second guess it. When it
comes to relationships with other people, you generally shouldnt find yourself in
a constant state of wondering. Wondering if they really like you, wondering if they
are in it for the long run, wondering if they are being truthful. When someone is in
it for the long run and has a genuine interest in you, you will know it, you will feel
it, and you wont be feeling paranoid or crazy.

Your grandparents and parents whether they stayed together or not had
some sort of long-term relationship. This type of relationship you dont see these
days or, that many cant find for themselves. I personally, come from a long line
of successful, til-death-do-you-part relationships. My grandfather stayed with my
grandmother until her last breath and never moved on after her. She was it for him,
and that was no secret.

My parents have been together for over three decades. I know this is something
that isnt common, at least not today, and I know I am very lucky. I also know why
this has made me the old soul that I am and the reason I will not settle. Some people
say I am too picky, but I know that there is real love out there, so why would I settle
for something less when I have seen it with my own eyes? You cant let others tell
you that you are crazy for being picky, or crazy for not wanting to play the games
modern day dating very often throws your way.

Todays day and age allows constant communication but it isnt communication
that is face-to-face. It is communication that allows room for error with whether or
not someone meant what they said, whether they are just sending the same text
to ten other people, or if their sarcasm was misconstrued.

It takes nothing more than 10 seconds for someone to send a text saying good
morning or I miss you but in person, they dont back up these sweet nothings
because they only sent it because they were bored.
Todays dating and the giddy stage of talking most of the time relies on little
in-person interaction and just doesnt sustain real life. Real life is messy and
unpredictable. Whether you are at a point in your life where you are looking for
something long term or just someone to date, know that there are going to be times
in your life when you are going to need someone, yes need them.
You wont be able to get through everything that life throws your way on your
own as much as you would like to believe you can. You need to stop creating
false connections with people who care little for your wellbeing and people
who wont be there for you when life gets real. Most people want some
type of connection so badly these days that they will force it wherever
they can, and then feel bad when it doesnt sustain the plans they
had for it. Real life also doesnt sustain plans or your attempt
to control it.
Start
Stop the constant search, it will find you (I know,
clich). How many people do you know that it really falling
didnt work out for? Really think about the people in love with
in your life. There are very few who are older the person, not
and walk around without a story of someone
who impacted their life. When you rush
the profile.
something or are constantly searching
for something, you might not be putting out the right type of energy to attract
positive things to come your way.
Looks are important to most but make sure the person behind the selfie with
500 likes will also be there for you at five in the morning when everything seems
to come crashing down. We are bombarded with images and fall in love with the
ideas of people and then get disappointed when that face has little depth. A pretty
face is nice, but it doesnt always make for a pretty life.
Love was real for the generations behind us because most were for the connection
they made in person. They didnt have so many options or apps to connect
with complete strangers and make connections based on very little depth. Our
grandparents carried til-death-do-us-part through because they fell in love with the
person and not a profile.
We cant keep complaining about being forever alone when we arent willing
to care about someone else more than ourselves. Know that nothing worthwhile
happens when you are constantly seeking it out. Put down the phone and pick your
head up, you are missing things every day.
Your virtual search for someone to spend your life with will never bring you the
type of happiness you are looking for. If you are searching for something real, start
looking for real qualities, in real people, in real everyday life.

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The Shortcomings Of
American Sex Education
GILLIAN LAGORCE
Gillian is a freshman studying human
services and psychology.
glagorce@udel.edu
University of Delaware
Sex-Ed: a phrase that likely brings back memories of stifled giggles and hilarity that ensued
when the teacher separated the girls and boys for the infamous sex talk (that is, if you were
lucky enough to have a sex education program in your school). While looking at diagrams of
reproductive anatomy seemed like a bunch of fun and games back in middle and high school,
it is important to consider how much of a privilege it truly is to receive any type of sexual or
reproductive education at all.
According to the Guttmacher Institute For Sexual and Reproductive Rights, only 24 US states
and the District of Columbia mandate that sex education be provided in their public schools. Of
these 24, only 13 states require that the information taught is medically accurate. Yes, you heard
me right, large quantities of medically inaccurate, and frankly damaging information about sex
and reproductive health is being ingrained into the malleable minds of todays teens.
And if it couldnt get any worse, a number of these states legislations dictate a strong emphasis
on abstinence, or abstaining from all sexual activity until marriage. Heres the problem with
preaching abstinence: whether you like it or not, high school students are going to have sex. Really,
teenagers are biologically conditioned to be curious about sexual behavior -- its inevitable, so you
8 Lifestyle
might as well teach teens how to do so safely
and consensually to reduce risk of unplanned
pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), Lets talk about
sex (ed),
and sexual violence.
Aside from a lack of education about sex itself, it is also a baby.
huge flaw that American sex education programs rarely include
LGBTQ+ representation when talking about intercourse. Although
intercourse with a same-sex partner wont result in pregnancy, the risk
of contracting STIs or HIV/Aids is still on the table. Without education about
the risks of same-sex intercourse, two teen males engaging in sexual activity
might think oh, we dont need to use contraceptives because there is no potential
for impregnation here rather than practicing safe sex. This type of miseducation
could be life threatening; sexually transmitted infections can be incredibly dangerous
and potentially fatal, but how will our youth know unless this type of information is readily
taught in schools?
It is also important to consider the influence that online pornography has on youth who are
undereducated about sex. Without proper education, teens will often fulfill their natural curiosity
about sexual activity by means of the internet (usually pornography), which can be extremely
damaging. Online pornography typically portrays unrealistic, and not to mention often unsafe,
sexual activity that almost always lacks a proper portrayal of consent.
There is no doubt in my mind that if the government continues to place comprehensive Sex-
Ed on the back burner that teens will become increasingly vulnerable to the dangers that come
with unprotected sex. When you think about it, sex and reproductive health are huge parts of life.
When you think about it, sex and reproductive health are huge parts of life. When has it ever been
productive to keep quiet about the things that matter?
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Using Birth Control Doesnt
Mean You Are A Sex Addict
ABIGAIL GUNDERSON
Abigail is a junior studying
communication.
agunder5@cord.edu
Moorhead, Minnesota
I believe that all women should be granted the full rights
to their bodies.
In the minds of many this statement is overall well
perceived. If a woman wants to dye her hair, fine. If a woman
wants to challenge herself to run a marathon, and push her
body to the limits, fine. But if she wants to independently
come to the decision to go on birth control... then that causes
a problem in some peoples minds.
To each their own, true! Im not asking you to change
your personal stance on personal issues. All Im asking for
is some healthy conversation. Hopefully, through engaging
conversation understanding can be reached regardless of our
own individual views on womens rights to their own bodies,
and the rights women have to birth control.
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Something I believe is extremely important when birth
control becomes a possibility in a womans personal health
care is the reason why she has made this decision for herself.
For some, its true that theres a boyfriend, and the pressure
for sex is becoming stronger, and it seems the most adult
choice is to be safe about it and go on birth control.
For some, its because when their time of the month comes
around they actually cant function. The nausea and cramps
are so overwhelming the first few days it seems that all she
can to do is stay home and lay on the cold floor.
For some, its because of acne.
For some, its because she would rather
come to this decision for herself rather than
for a man in the future.
I chose the latter for the reason why I How I
made this personal decision, and its one
I dont regret. control of my
I know this isnt a viewpoint that everyone
own body
understands, and its this misunderstanding decisions.
that Im here to address.
While I was in school I had to stop into the health office to
get a refill on my prescription, and when asked when I had
my last shot done there wasnt any record of it to be found.
In other words, since there was no record of it, I had to take a
pregnancy test to prove that I wasnt pregnant. (Fair, I didnt
have a problem with this.) But I assured them that there
was absolutely no possibility of that I could be pregnant,
because I am not in a relationship where that would could
be a possibility.
At that point, the nurse looked at me shocked... Then
why are you on birth control? Which carried the undertone
of Why would you be on birth control if youre not sexually
active?
I couldnt believe that the nurse on my college campus
would ask me this question!? Arent I allowed to do what I
want with my own body? Whether thats medications, tattoos,
clothing, or piercings. To me, these are all choices to be
made by the woman, but I also have to acknowledge that
this viewpoint isnt for everyone.
The important takeaway that I want everyone to walk away
with from this reading is that women have
different reasons for making the decision
to go on birth control, and its not always
take about sex!
I ask you: Is it more independent and
empowering for a woman to come to this
big decision by herself, or to feel pressured
into it by a current relationship, and feel as
if shes making this important decision not
for herself but for someone else?
Ideas 9
64 People Reveal The Last
Text They Sent Their Ex
JENNIFER VERMEULEN
gverme1jl@cmich.edu
Grand Rapids, Michigan
The infamous last text.
Some of them we regret. Some of them were a little harsh. Some
of them werent quite mean enough to even begin to compare to the
amount of pain they caused us. Regardless, we all have that one
last text. Sixty-four people, 64 different relationships, 64 different
stories, 64 final texts. Interpret them how youd like.
1. Oh no.... - Sidney, 22
2. Are you freaking kidding me? - Emma, 22
3. Well that answers it. You blocked me on everything again.
Thanks, idk wtf I did but ok. Bye -Danielle, 23
4. What do you want me to say Im not gunna change my
mind - Margo, 20
5. Youre right, thank you. Well thanks again for being such
a big part of my journey. I hope you enjoy your day with
whoever you spend it - Liz, 20
6. Im gonna tell you now...me getting drunk around you isnt
gonna end well lmfaoooo - Demetrios, 20
7. Im not really sorry bout it but like oh well Im at bdubs yum
bye - Hannah, 19
8. Hokayy - Sean, 23
9. Hey, I am so so sorry to hear about your grandpa. I will be
keeping you and your family in my prayers. Hope youre doing
okay. - Aubry, 23
10. I just feel like if you love me you wouldnt have a bad attitude
towards me...Im really not a bad person or hard to get along
with or anything. Ive tried so hard to be supportive and be
caring because I love you. Ive also tried to care about myself
and you trying to change shows you care about yourself AND
me...... please dont throw it all away again. -Danielle, 21
11. Two years of dating you was worth it. I hope you enjoy your
college experience and if you need anything, I will always be
here. - Angelo, 21
12. And no. I dont love you. - Michael, 23
13. Hey, just me. I know.. Really weird. But youve been on my
heart a lot recently and I just wanna know how youre doing.
- Delaney, 22
14. What are you doing tonight? - Joe, 22
15. What are you doing right now. - Kyle, 22
16. Happy birthday! Hope its a good one. - Maddie, 22
17. She has a tongue ring. Are you serious? - Anna, 22
18. I hope this doesnt come across as rude, but is there a
reason for your insensitivity and no response? I hate to admit
it but the lack of empathy is kind of taking a tole on me. -Jen,
22
19. Just wanted to call to see how you were doing. I thought
that would be okay but I guess not. And I wanted to give
you a heads up that Kristina is going around telling people
10 The List
that you two are talking and stuff. Idk if you care if people
know that. I just wanted to let you know I guess. Sorry for
calling - Meagan, 21
20. Just please listen to Marvins Room by Drake. This is my
last text to you ever. Goodbye - Eric, 22
21. Congrats on getting the dick - Aaron, 22
22. I need space. You need to last as long as I need space. I
have to go. Ttyl - Leah, 22
23. Well I didnt realize it was a joke. I dont know who she is.
It hurt me and it felt like you were being immature and just
trying to make me jealous. I still want to be your friend too.
-Heidi, 29
24. I understand and I hope you do as well. Take care. - Reggie,
21
25. I hate you. For all that you did to me and all that you changed.
I wasnt skinny enough so I starved myself (still wasnt good
enough for you), I wasnt pretty enough so I started to believe
it too, you were embarrassed of me for God knows why, so
I too became embarrassed of myself. Although I hate you
for all the things you made me believe, I thank you from the
bottom of my heart for making me realize I am good enough.
I am more than pretty enough. And I am BETTER than this.
Because of all you made me hate about myself, you made
me in return realize it was all you, so here is my final goodbye
and this time I am not coming back. - Jen, 23
26. What do I do now? - Christopher, 24
27. Thank you so much for finally admitting things to me. I feel
so so so much better. I feel like I can breathe again. I feel
like I have clarity which I started to believe I would never
get. Im so happy you got the help you needed. I hope you
can stay clean forever and ever. I know that addiction has a
sick way of making returns and I pray everyday that you will
stay clean and begin a healthy road to recovery. Im glad you
found friends in California and are at a place where youre
safe. - Kaitlyn, 23
28. Im a completely different person now. - Nicole, 21
29. If youve learned one thing through all of this, please let it
be that you will always treat your future girlfriends with the
respect I deserved. - Carlee, 19
30. Ok. Ill look. - Ann, 55 56. Ok but if Im being honest neither of us were perfect. So if
31. Dude, youre not even worth it. - Brittany, 23
32. Im just glad it ended when it did because I really did deserve
better. - Erin, 22
33. Um, OK. But she looks like a horse. Bye. - Aly, 23
34. I was kind of hoping for an apology but Im not surprised
to be honest. At least Im walking away with dignity. You on
the other hand cant say the same. - Sarah, 21
35. I know you probably dont want to talk to me but to be honest,
I just had to say Im sorry. You were right. You probably dont
believe me, but if you decide you want to talk please call. -
Matt, 23
36. Fuck you u piece of shit - Alex, 22
37. Can you just freaking answer me? - Ben, 21
38. I dont know why youre acting like youre some hot shot
because if Im being honest, I only asked how you were
because its polite, I dont actually care. Nor do I really care
to even be having a conversation with you right now. So Im
gonna go now. Lol bye, - Maddie, 22
39. Lol and thats EXACTLY why we broke up GOODBYEEEEE!
- Allie, 21
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40. If what you really mean is do you want to have sex one last
time the answers no. -Jess, 23
41. Thank God I found someone who isnt a total prick - Kara,
24
42. Im actually not home but FYI if you actually miss me and
want to talk, you might want to ask me to grab drinks or
something instead of just texting me to hangout at 2:30
am -Lexi, 21
43. Your chest hair freaks me out now can you please stop
texting me - Emma, 23
44. Go fuck yourself - Kaylie, 22
45. You completely broke my heart and the worst part was that
you didnt even care. You just went on with your perfect life
while I was left here alone and thats not the Ben I knew at
all. Im glad you finished your DTS and I hope it went well. I
accept your apology but you will never see my face again.
- Sydney, 21
46. Lol go away - Allison, 23
47. Please dont waste any more of my time - Stephanie, 25
48. If I could explain in words what you did to me, you wouldnt
be able to live with yourself. - Erica, 23
49. K - Jenny, 22
50. Im going to stop you before you send whatever youre
typing. I dont care. Now please stop texting me, thanks. -
Abbie, 22
51. shoulda thought about that before you did - Lauren, 21
52. I know thats not what you asked but I shy away from
everything because I dont want you to get any hope that
we will ever be together if we talk or hangout - Nolan, 21
53. Hey do you think we could catch up for a little while? I wanna
know how life is going for you. How youre adjusting. - Jeni,
21
54. Can we be friends maybe when Im over you - Taylor, 22
55. Im sorry I couldnt be there for you and just made things
worse - Brandon, 22
youre happy now then great - Brian, 19
57. Do you even have a conscience? Like how does it not eat
you up inside? Honestly wouldnt be able to live with myself.
- Maddie, 21
58. Ew get over yourself - Caroline, 21
59. It is what it is - Nick, 22
60. I honestly just wanted to say I was sorry. Thats it. Good luck
with school - Lauren, 22
61. To be honest with you Im not over you yet so I think I need
a little more time before I can have this conversation with
you. - Riley, 22
62. What are you doing rn? - Jackson, 23
63. I dont know what you are looking for me to say but I wish you would
let me move on and just leave me alone. - Chelsea, 23
64. But now I know that Im not the one who lost out, thank you
for your mean words and your bad intentions. Without them,
I would still be in love with you. I never stopped until this
morning. Showing compassion to those who have done you
wrong is the ultimate win. So you may have won the battle
of being so mean that it has finally pushed me away, only
because God is telling me that I gave it my all and its time to
move on, but I won the war that truly mattered. - Paige, 19
Why The Number Doesnt Matter felt like this information mattered, my then boyfriend told me he had only slept with two
people which turned out to be over 10. So what was the point?

There isnt a point. Whether they tell you a lie or not: Why do you even need to
know?
SAMANTHA SHORT
You dont.
Samantha is a junior studying So, how
communications and media. many people Even if your partner is 100 percent comfortable telling you how many
people theyve been with, are you actually ever going to be happy with the
Samantha70@mail.usf.edu
University of South Florida have you had number you hear? Apparently, according to this study, the perfect number
of past partners is 10. Thats a pretty specific number, so Im sure not many
sex with? of us have landed right on that. And how many of us actually feel like 10 is
Im not sure why people are so fixated on their significant others the perfect number? Probably not a lot.
sexual history. It seems like its a critical question when starting to get
serious with someone. It could make or break a couple, even if everything Are you going to sit around trying to decide if a number of one night stands
seemed to be going great. So why even risk it? is worse than a number of regular sexual encounters? Im not even really sure how
anyone would be able to come up with a hierarchy for all situations possible. But honestly,
How many people have you slept with? Who were they? Were they one night stands? Is if thats your kind of thing good luck to you (and your partner).
our sex better? The list of prying and uncomfortable questions can go on and on.
Literally nobody should have to feel like their sexual history is a deal breaker when it
There is actually no reason we need to know this information. Im really not even sure comes to a new relationship. We change over time. We make choices. Plenty of people
why anyone would want to know the answers. Is that really something you want to think go through a wild, sex crazed stage. And plenty of people rather wait for the right person.
about? We tend to let our imaginations run loose, so the less information we know the better. Whos to say that one choice is better than the other?

Dont get me wrong, I think in reference to STDs or STIs the information should be At the end of the day, as long as your sexual preferences match up once together,
disclosed. And if for whatever reason you decided to hide that part of your sexual history anything from before is completely irrelevant. If you both are down for respecting each
from your partner, than youre a seriously careless person. But any more information than others decisions when it comes to the activities in the bedroom, Im not really sure what
that is just nosy. Curiosity killed the cat, dont let it kill your relationship. youre worried about?

A lot of the time, when you ask someone about their sexual historythe answer is a lie. Honestly, tons of people have a hard enough time finding a significant other who isnt
Its a proven fact that girls tend to lie about their number because they dont want to feel going to end up in someone elses bed. So if thats not an issue in your relationship be
judged. So, in all honestly, who even knows if the information youre receiving is correct? thankful for it, instead of worrying about all the little details of what happened before you.

Lying about the number is practically guaranteed to happen. Back when I actually Some number doesnt define you, or your partner so stop letting it.

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Your Job Is Not To just as you love him. He should smile at the fact that you snort when you laugh and he should
think that youre still strikingly beautiful with no make-up on and messy hair. Thats the kind of
love that lasts. Not trying to mold into the other persons vision of who you should be.

Keep A Man Interested The most important thing for every woman to know is to love and respect themselves. Know
your worth. Know that you are capable of being loved. Know that there is so much more to life
than finding someone who will want you or being sad over someone who doesnt. When you are
busy loving yourself, thats when God truly blesses you.

You deserve a man that loves you, respects you, and pursues you. Do not try to calculate your
MELANEY MENDEZ actions just to keep a man. Do not settle for a man not worthy of your love. Wait for a man that
will treat you better than you could ever imagine; but until then, always value and love yourself.
Melaney is a junior studying fashion merchandising.
melaney.mendez@yahoo.com
Sam Houston State University

There are currently 288,000,000 articles that come up when you search how to keep him
interested. Not to mention other articles with names like, how to make him want you, and
how to keep him interested in a relationship. It began to make me wonder, why is this topic so
popular? Why is it that women feel the need to try so desperately to keep a mans focus on just
them, something that the right man should be doing anyway? Why is it that women are willing to
mold and change themselves just to hopefully please a man?
You
To those women: you are worth more than that. You deserve someone that loves you, faults dont find
and all. You shouldnt have to calculate your every move for him to be interested in you. You are your worth in
worthy of unconditional love. You deserve someone that believes that you are interesting. You
are better than allowing someone to make you believe that you are not capable of being loved
a man. You find
fully. Why would you want to be with someone who makes you feel unhappy with who you are? your worth within
Why would you want to be with someone who makes you feel like you are constantly walking on yourself and then find
eggshells just to be with him? If that is how he makes you feel, he does not deserve to be with you. a man whos worthy of
What every woman deserves is a man who loves you and encourages you to love yourself. He you. Remember that.
should empower you to be the best woman that you can be. He should love you wholeheartedly,

I am Demisexual: Get Over It

SAM KENNETH YESKIS-WEST
Sam is a sophomore studying writing.
SYESKISW@uwsuper.edu Its real,
University of Wisconsin-Superior
and you need
to stop
According to the world, asexuality doesnt exist.
discriminating
against us.
Newsflash world: Asexuality exists. Not only does it exist, but it is also
a spectrum, which means there are many different variations of it, and
many different people identify as asexual. Now, many of you are probably
rolling your eyes and making jokes like Oh so are you a plant? or So you
reproduce with yourself?

Im here to tell you that asexuality is a sexual orientation, it is a spectrum, it exists,

and it is valid. I myself am demisexual, meaning I can only be in a sexual relationship
with someone after forming a close bond. Now, this may seem regular and shouldnt
need a title, and to a point, you are almost right. However, while normal, straight passing,
and natural, being demisexual isnt easy. Let me put it into perspective for you:

Throughout my whole young adult life, I felt like a freak. There were some nights I
would lay in bed, weeping, wondering what the heck was wrong with me. Why was I
crying? Because whenever a boy got close to me, held my hand, hugged me, etc, I would
flinch. Being touched that way made me disgusted and terrified. I could get boyfriends;
I dont feel like a freak anymore. I dont cry myself to sleep wondering if Im alone.
I was cute and funny, and I could very well be in a situation to have sex. But even the
Sex scenes in movies make me uncomfortable. I only have sex like seven times a year,
thought of having sex with someone made me squeamish; I felt like crying. While all
if that. I am valid.
my friends talked about hooking up at parties or making out with their boyfriends, all I
could wonder was What the hell is wrong with me? Anything else? Oh yeah, telling someone they dont need a label, or that their sexuality
isnt valid, means you are shoving them back into the closet. Congrats on being cruel
I have a significant other now, I have a sexual relationship with him. Because I know
to a person who confided in you and trusted you, only to have you tell them that they
him. I found out recently that I fall under that asexual spectrum, that the reason I can
dont matter.
have a sexual relationship with my significant other is because I love him, completely,
which puts me in the demisexual area. I am demisexual, and Im not afraid anymore.

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What Dating Outside
3. Seen As a Traitor

As in every situation with women, there was a double

My Race Taught Me
About Society
JASMINE VAUGHN-HALL
jasmine.vaughn411@gmail.com
Black Feminism
No matter how much we play Michael Jacksons Black or White
the tension between the two colors will seemingly always exist in
America. Unfortunately, society still labels people as colors which
also designates you a certain behavior, appearance and who you
should be dating. The first time I seriously dated outside of my race
I thought the chapters of my American history book were actually
portraying the past, but it proved that pre-existing standards of
color die hard or dont ever die at all Because he was white and I
was black, our mere attraction to each other resurrected the ugly
racists and prejudice ways of society. There were many unreal and
conflicting things that happened when I dated a white man, but a
few were really persistent and disturbing.
1. Being Diagnosed With Jungle Fever
As a black woman, dating a white man required some diagnosis
and everyone seems to become a doctor. I had to be metaphorically
Love should be promoted in all shades.
sick or in some way ill-equipped to pick a suitable person to date.
Or at least one closer to my skin color. I was seen as misguided
and confused. The idea of our two races together was seen
as something unnatural and wild. We were rebellious for even
exploring such a scenario. Theres no way we could genuinely like
each other because our races historically werent meant to. Like a
fever that comes and goes, the relationship was seen as a phase
that would pass.
2. Being Called a Fetish
The only other thing thats worse than being called sick is being
called a conquest. There were many times when I was asked to
reassure myself whether I was just a checked off box on his
list. For some reason, black women are seen as a fetish, simply
something to be had, when it didnt involve black men. You become
an inanimate object to people who just assume that you are just
an item being fulfilled off a bucket list. It doesnt help that society
carries these false ideals that physical relations with a black
woman are something to be tried not cherished.
standard with my dating of a white man. While black men
indulge themselves in any race, black women are expected to
seek nothing other than black men. Black women are held at a
higher level of disappointment if they do not date black men.
A black woman being single is acceptable, but dating outside
of her race is seen as a dishonor. This goes back to the black
woman at one time being the only advocate for black men and
she must now always be that. The misconception here is that
just because a black woman dates a white man it does not
mean she completely disregards black men.
4. Commodity
There were two completely different scopes I was gazed
through. The first is the previous topic of being a traitor and
the next is being deemed as something better than black. Black
is still so closely associated with not good enough in society
that when black women date white men, they can be seen as
a somewhat of a commodity. They are seen as something that
cant really be black because someone in the relationship is
privileged.
This goes back to the internalized mentality of black people
trying to be accepted. Regardless of whether you sought out
your white companion, his race chooses you and sadly people
admire that you are the exception to a historically outdated rule.
We are still paying for black peoples beginnings in the United
States in all assets of society. History can never be erased
and the wounds of mistreatment can heal but not if we keep
letting racism and prejudice undo the stitching. Love should
be promoted in all shades. Skin is just a shell and if we judge
solely by that, well miss out on the pearl in all of us.

Thanksgiving until Valentines Day. Why this

phenomenon exists is simply because humans
It doesnt suck as crave other humans, especially during the holiday
much as you season because who wants to be alone, right? In
think it theory, this whole idea of cuffing season seems
does. great, except for when you arent being cuffed.
Seeing people being happy together for some
reason used to fill me with the fury of a thousand
suns. Like, how dare you hold hands in public?
Some nerve you have giving your girlfriend a cute
peck on the cheek. Get a room, people, there are
kids out here!

Hearing about my friends cute encounters

with their significant others felt like a chore,
and I found disgust in one of the most beautiful
things life has to offer love. Bearing witness
to the joy of others made me so envious that
I woke up one day and I swear, my face was
slightly tinted green. The incessant loneliness
and constant exposure to couples simply being

Being Single During Cuffing Season couples gave rise to a toxic internal monologue. Am I not
deserving of love? Am I just not pretty enough? Maybe Im
completely and utterly undateable. Better get rid of my
cat allergy because looks like Im going to end up like an
old cat lady forever! End scene. However, bitterness is not the answer. Why should I find
negativity in the happiness of others? Love is something that should be celebrated, not
SAMANTHA MELCHOR viewed with disdain.

Samantha is a freshman studying communications.
smelch2@lsu.edu
Baton Rouge, LA
Most peoples favorite season comes from the narrow selection of winter, spring, summer
and fall. However, there is a fifth season most people forget to include cuffing season. Ah,
yes, cuffing season. The months of November through February have been affectionately
assigned this moniker because its like the minute the clock strikes 12:00 on November
1, the entire millennial population searches for a companion to Netflix and chill with from
Being subjected to the exchanges of love and affection made me think the unthinkable,
why not just date myself? No one can treat me better than me, right? Why should I sit around
and wait for someone to cuff me when I can just cuff myself? I began to spend quality time
alone with my thoughts, getting to know myself better. If you think being single during cuffing
season is the literal worst thing ever aside from running out of potato chips, think again.
Instead of not being able to bear the thought of being alone, perhaps embrace the solitude
and think of it as an opportunity to learn to appreciate yourself, to learn that you dont need
a man (or woman) to shower you with affection in order to validate your existence. Only you,
and you alone, can do that. So, to all my single ladies (and dudes) out there, lets do away
with the self-pity and welcome self-love. Were all worth it.

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Reasons We Need A Gay, Lesbian, Or Bisexual Version Of The Bachelor
AMY MCKEEVER
Amy is a sophomore studying
communication.
amckeever@students.stonehill.edu Perpetuating
Stonehill College
heterosexism
Weve all seen the fairytale in action. A man gets set up with 25
discredits any
women. The women all live in one house and fight (sometimes other relationship.
each other) for his heart. He falls for one as the woman of his
dreams. They live happily every after .or sometimes not. And
then the process repeats.

Now, I know The Bachelor isnt the most accurate

representation of love, its merely commercialized romanticism to
appeal to the emotion of viewers. The media, however, broadcasts
to a mass population. This means that whatever content a show highlights is perpetuated throughout
our entire society. In this case, over and over again for 20 seasons so far.
Therefore, The Bachelor only including heterosexual relationships in their content reinforces
heterosexism, the idea that heterosexual relationships are the norm. Now, in 2017, after just recently
legalizing same-sex marriage, we know there are many additional types of normal relationships
besides heterosexual. People across the world are living happy lives in non-heterosexual relationships.
Its time to create a reality show that actually reflects the reality of the world. Regarding The Bachelor,
this would mean having gay, lesbian, bisexual etc. versions of the show.
Its also important to note the young people of the world who are sitting by their TV screens,
engulfed in anxiety because they are attracted to something different than what is perpetuated
as normal on these shows. A lot of young people struggle with coming to terms with and being
proud of their sexuality, so watching shows that focus mainly on heterosexual relationships may
set them back regarding the confidence in their sexuality. If more shows welcomed the idea of non-
heterosexual relationships, it would begin to make young people be more comfortable with who
they are and what they are attracted to.
In fact, in the British version of the show, two female contestants, Megan Marx and Tiffany Scanlon,
who were initially trying to win the heart of the bachelor actually fell in love with each other and
are now in a serious relationship. So even without planning, contestants on the program show that
they are not solely of heterosexual sexuality. This is an example of real life breaking the mold of
The Bachelor heterosexual pattern. Its time to break the mold and explore the different sexualities
on this TV drama reality show.

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What Its Like To Love
A Girl With Anxiety
BROOKE MEYERS
Brooke is a sophomore studying journalism and public relations.
bmeyers@uwyo.edu
University of Wyoming
I promise
theres more
to her than
meets the eye.
A Love Letter To The Girl Who Cares
Too Much About Everyone But Herself
SARAH BLIESATH
Sarah is a junior
studying marketing.
sbliesath01@hamline.edu
Hamline University
You, the girl with a heart full of love and no place big enough
to store it all.
Our generation is so caught up in this notion that its cool
not to care about anything or anyone. I know youve tried to
do just that. Im sure there was a brief moment where you
genuinely believed you were capable of not caring, especially
since you convinced everyone around you that you didnt.
But that just isnt true, is it? Dont be ashamed of this, dont
let anyone ridicule you for having emotions. After everything
life has put you through you have still remained soft. This is
what makes you, you. This is what makes you beautiful. You
care so deeply and love so boldly and it is incredible, never
let the world take this from you.
You are the girl who will give and give and give until
you have absolutely nothing left. Some may see this as a
weakness, an inconvenience, the perfect excuse to walk all
over you. I know you try to make sense of it all, why someone
you cared so much about would treat you the way they did.
Youll make excuses for them, rationalize it and turn it all
around on yourself. Youll tell yourself that maybe just maybe
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She wants everyone to think shes strong, but dont be fooled so easily. When she realizes you
can see through the show she puts on, itll scare her. The first time she breaks down and shows
you whats really going on inside her head, its going to be confusing. Its going to be so different
from the side of her that youve seen before, and its going to catch you off guard. But if her tears
and her embarrassment and her mind running a million miles a minute isnt something you can
handle, please leave. Dont stick around and make her think youll be there for her if you wont.
If you choose to stick around, it wont always be easy. As badly as I know youre going to want to,
you cant just swoop in and save her from her past. Shes been through a lot and it has affected her
in ways youll never be able to understand. Youre going to try to kiss away her pain and her scars
and all of her bad memories, but there will be times when you crawl into bed with her at 2 am after
a long night and shes going to be in another world. No matter how hard you try, you wont be able
to reach her, and thats okay. Sometimes shell do that. Shes just scared that if she explains whats
going on in her head, all her doubts and fears, that youll run away just like the guys before you did.
The best thing you can do in the world, is to make her feel safe. When shes quiet, wrap your
arms around her. When shes so stressed out that she cant form sentences correctly and those
For any guy who thinks hes
little worry lines form on her forehead, kiss her on the top of the head and tell her that youre there
falling for a girl who tends to
for her. Tell her that you understand, that she doesnt need to explain herself, and that its going
be a little on the anxious side,
to be okay. Youd be surprised by how much she really needs to hear those words, and hearing
just know that its going to be
them from you will make a world of difference.
different than any girl youve
loved before. She is going to be I know its gonna be hard to love her, but I can promise you one thing. If you stick around, if
a little, or a lot, more guarded. you learn to love her little freak out moments about things that seem incredibly inconsequential,
Shell scare easier. Shes going if you let her be herself and you learn how to handle her incessant worrying, it will change your
to have a hard time trusting life. Yes, shell teach you patience and kindness like youve never known. But once she knows
you, but it doesnt mean she that she can trust you, shell show you a kind of love and understanding like youve never seen,
doesnt care. and will likely never see again. When you break down her walls, she will do the same for you.
Youll never have to explain yourself to her, and she will always be your #1 fan. She will be caring,
Just know that shes going
to play tough. Shell come off
compassionate, and faithful to a fault. So although I know it may not seem worth it when shes
crying and you cant do anything to help, or when shes been freaking out for four hours over
as confident and resilient, the
something that makes no sense to you, but I can promise you that loving a girl with anxiety will
type of person who knows
change your world for the better.
how to get what she wants.
This ones
for you.
they will change even though you know deep down they wont.
You gave them everything you had and it still feels as if they
took it all and ran. When this happens, remind yourself that
you are not a reflection of those who cannot love you. The
way that people treat you does not define who you are. Tell
yourself this every day, over and over until it sticks. Remind
yourself that you are gold, darling, and sometimes they will
prefer silver and that is OK.
I know you feel guilty when you have to say no to something,
I know you feel like you are letting everyone you love down
when you do. Listen to me, it is not your responsibility to tend
to everyone elses feelings all the time. By all means, treat their
feelings with care, but remember it is not the end of the world
when you cannot help them right away. Remember that it is
OK to say no. You dont have to take care of everyone else
all the time. Sometimes its OK to say no to lunch with your
friends and just stay home in bed to watch Netflix when you
need a minute for yourself. I know sometimes this is much
easier said than done because you are worried about letting
other people down, but please give it a try.
With all of this, please remember that you matter. Do not
be afraid to take a step back and focus on yourself. You owe
yourself the same kind of love and patience and kindness and
everything that you have given everyone else. It is OK to think
about and put yourself first. Do not feel guilty for taking care
of yourself. You are so incredibly loved even when it doesnt
feel like it, please always remember that. You cannot fill others
up when your own cup is empty. Take care of yourself.
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