Sample essay by Vu Hai Dang 9.

0 IELTS Writing
Topic: Private healthcare | Tng thi gian: 185 pht | Lu : hy lm bi tp tng tc trang 2

Task 2: Some people think that good health is important to everyone, so medical services should not be run by profit-
making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

BRAINSTORMING 10.53-10.40 (47 pht)

Qu trnh brainstorming ht 47 pht, c bit mt thi gian trong phn ngh disadvantages
ST
CARVING THE 1 DRAFT 10.40-11.19 (39 pht)
st st
1 draft l bn vit u tin ngi vit khng s dng bt c s tr gip no khi vit bn ny. Mc ch ca 1 draft
l gi tinh thn tht thoi mi v vit khi mch suy ngh khng b gin on. Khng c t vng a th ta dng t vng
b, khng c t vng ting Anh ta dng t vng ting Vit.

Many people believe that private companies which focus on profit making should not be allowed to provide medical
services, taking into account the fact the prime significance of good health to anyone. This essay will argue that the
pros of private healthcare actually outstrip its cons.

Private health services certainly have several shortcomings. Firstly, as the services are provided on the basis of doing
business, private health clinics or hospitals are likely to design packages that include uncessary services or tests to
monetise on the add-on services. In this case, service users may experience a waste of time and incur some losses to
their personal finances. Secondly, as a business such a clinic or hospital follows the economy of scale, which means
that it is often based in populous urban areas other than in isolated districts where access to general healthcare is
often limited. In this case, private sector does little to join the public sector in shouldering the burden of lifting the
livinghood of people in needs.

However, the above-mentioned drawbacks are dwarfed by the benefits that private healthcare brings. Non-public
players bring in a broader range of selection and increase competition. As they compete against other private
healthcare providers and against state-owned clinics and hospitals, the price tends to go down while the quality is opt
to go up. It is easy to see/figure out who can enjoy the windfall in this picture (the public or service users, to be
specific). Moreover, the participation of private players help release pressure on the public healthcare system when
public investments are less needed for building new hospitals or practices. More importantly, public investments are
literally coming from taxpayers money, which means the hard-earned money paid from individual purses will be used
for other causes to boost the general health of the economy.

In conclusion, although there exist some opposition to private health services, I believe they bring far more benefits
than drawbacks. At the end of the day the pulic sector cannot be a lone player when it comes to healthcare, which is a
high demand from every single member of the society. The important word to note here is every single member from
all walks of life. (368)

POLISHING THE FINAL PIECE 11.20-12.39 (99 pht)

Tra t in Cambridge v Ozdic, kim tra Google, tng kt dnh, ct gt to nhng cu chc v nhng s
tng phn i xng vng vng. Lu : nhng cm din t hay c in m.

Many people believe that private companies should not be allowed to provide medical services because of their focus
on profit maximisation while care should be the ultimate goal of any health provider. This essay argues that the pros of
private healthcare outweigh its cons.

The disadvantages of private healthcare are hard to ignore. Firstly, when the service is provided for a profit, private
healthcare packages may include hidden charges for unnecessary items. Secondly, operating as a business, a
private practice is often located in populous urban areas other than isolated districts where access to health services
is limited in most cases. In this regard, the private sector does little to improve the well-being of people in need.

However, the above-mentioned drawbacks are dwarfed by benefits of private healthcare. Non-public players broaden
choices and increase competition. As a result, prices tend to go down and quality is likely to go up; in the end, it is the
people that enjoy the windfall. Moreover, the participation of private providers helps release pressure on the public
healthcare system when they join the government in building health infrastructure. As an immediate effect, taxpayers
money is saved for other causes that boost the economy, benefitting all.

In conclusion, although there exists some opposition to private health services, I believe they bring far more
benefits than drawbacks. The pulic sector cannot be a lone player in healthcare provision because the population is
growing relentlessly and everybody needs healthcare. The important word to note here is EVERYBODY. (250)

1
BI TP THC HNH

Hy tr li cc cu hi sau vo mc Comments

1. Hy dng www.google.co.uk v t in min ph Cambridge

http://dictionary.cambridge.org/ hiu thc s bi lun.

Tip: ch no bn thy khng thc s r rng, hy th dch sang ting

Vit v vit on dch ra giy. Sau , bn c li ch va dch, thy ch
no ng ngn d hi th chnh l ch bn cha hiu, hy vit cu hi
ca bn ra v dn vo mc Comments c gii p. y l cch
hc ting Anh hiu qu nht, ng li.

2. Bn hy lit k tt c cc cng c kt ni trong bi lun (bn final), sau

, chia chng theo cc nhm sau:

Cng c chia tch cc khc nhau

Cng c to kt dnh gia cc lp lun trong cng MT

3. Trong qu trnh brainstorming, thy gio b i sau, v sao vy? Mt

tri ca y t t nhn: cht lng thp, tay ngh bc s khng bo m.

4. good health is important to everyone trong hon ton b b

trong M bi, v sao vy?

5. So vi 1st draft, bn final b on economies of scale, v sao vy?