Who Are You?

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Who Are You, Self-Esteem versus Ego, Nature and

Nurture, and the Strength of your Reality.

What the fuck does it say on your ID?

Who you are is a combination of what you are and what
you do.
This entire blog is geared towards developing natural
game and natural attraction. So, in order to find out who
you are, it is important to find out who you naturally are;
then, you can be naturally attractive.
Lets think of how a woman naturally is, back in the
caveman days: skinny and naked.
Men are instantly and naturally attracted to this woman,
because it is her aesthetic, physical traits that inspires
attraction within them. Whereas, on the other side of the
coin, a man who is a natural, fully manned up and not
being a pussy, will behave in masculine ways that will
ultimate attract women. To behave 100% in congruence
with the man you are is to be attractive, and, consequently,
to behave incongruently with your natural masculinity is to
be unattractive.
Thats life.
When you are in line with your natural masculine self, you
will be attractive to women just because you are there, in
much the same way that a woman will be naturally
attractive just because she is there. (Remembering that
you both need to be attractive and the facilitator of
escalation in order to ultimately get the girl.)
Guys who are unnatural, and not behaving in congruence
with who they are, do so because of social conditioning. To
overcome this requires self-actualisation, and that is the
purpose of this article.
But, firstly, you must know that to try and learn how to be
a natural is to deny that you are already one in the first
place.
Every guy has a natural man buried inside of him. To
unearth this, though, is a deductive and simplification
process, as opposed to a progression or an accumulation
of skills. When you are thinking about coming into
alignment with who you are, naturally, remember that it is
always a matter of stripping elements away from your
personality, instead of looking for something new or
looking for the missing piece.
To be un-naturally who you are is not who you are at all,
but rather some form of physically, surgically or
psychologically altered version of yourself.
It is the false self.
When I refer to who you are, I refer to the accumulation of
what you are, your personality, your identity, your
character, your traits, your sense of self, your ego, your
reality, your image and your persona. On closer inspection
all these tags are different names of the same thing,
though some are more accurate than others.

In short, who you are is comprised on two levels. One is

the solid physical foundation of what you are, and the
other is merely an expression of that foundation,
manifested by what you do.
This model accounts for who you are.
I have researched this model in field with hundreds of
men; in myself, my students, in guys like Tim, Tyler, Jeffy,
Papa, Derrick, Abercrombie, Pimpski, Nathan, Ozzie,
Ryan and Saad, and in other natural guys I grew up with,
who are also very good with women.
Why is it important to know who you are?
Because, if you dont, you will never behave in the ways
that are natural and congruent, and hence, you will not be
naturally and truly attractive.
When I talk about behaviour, I mean the actions that you
take; some are conscious, whilst others are not. A lot of
the time when guys are learning how to pick up, there is
incongruence with what they are thinking and what they
are actually doing. For example, a lot of my students
approach girls and get a conversation started because the
girls instantly sense that he is cool at his core (his natural
self), and because he took the action of approaching her.
But, as the set goes on, sometimes the students regress
into socially conditioned behaviours that are a force of
habit, and are ultimately incongruent with their natural
selves.
These bad habits come from social conditioning.
If you are unstifled, an alpha guy, a natural or have
contextual confidence, your behaviours will be coming
from the right place, and there would be no reason for you
to compromise your natural intentions. But, if you are
stifled and socially conditioned, like the vast majority of the
world, your behaviours will come through a false-self filter,
causing your behaviours to seem forced, defensive, or
cautionary.
This is to behave unnaturally and is unattractive.
If your behaviours are unnatural, you will be incongruent
with your desires as a man, and you will constantly
question who you are. If a girl is more assured of who she
is, than you are assured of who you are, you will react to
her, be of lower value, and will not be inspirer of emotions.
You will not lead the girl; rather, she will lead you.
This is bad natural game.
However, if you do know who you are, inside and out, you
will never flinch and react to the girl, you will never lose
state and will always have core confidence. If you are a
good source of state for the girl, you will have her seeking
value, and reacting to you. You will be considered higher
value than the girls, because you know who you are more
than they know who they are, and will be naturally
attractive to every girl that you meet. Often times, they will
feel attraction for you before you even approach.
Like I said, and its important that I repeat this, most guys
do give off an initally attractive vibe, because they are, in
actuality, COOL GUYS! But, when they get into set they
pretend to be something different that what they naturally
are, causing them to fuck things up for themselves. This
occurs because they are under the misguided illusion that
socially conditioned bad habits are what they are
supposed to do.
But, first of all, how did I figure out, verify and find
evidence to support your understanding of who you
naturally are? Or, more accurately, WHAT you naturally
are?
So far, I can think of six ways to figure out what a man
naturally is.
To find a natural guy, you need to find situations where
men are not stifled by social conditioning, which
suppresses their natural traits, and makes beta males out
of cool guys.
In situations where social conditioning doesnt exist, the
suppression of the alpha traits ceases and they naturally,
without thought, express themselves through the vehicle
that is your behaviour.
Your behavioural traits make you attractive or unattractive
to those around you.
Identify the which behaviours are natural, and understand
that deliberately implementing them and living in
congruence with them, is the key to knowing what you are,
who you are and, ultimately, being very attractive. Knowing
what you are and who you are is the first step to
conquering natural game.
The verifications of your natural self are :
1. The way a man is when he interacts with women of
another language. All social conditioning goes out the
window because the binding rules of social conditioning no
longer exist without the medium of language in which it
can be communicated. In these cross cultural scenarios,
people communicate to each other naturally, and attraction
and game becomes easier because youre not caught up
in socially conditioned standards or limitations.
2. The way a guy behaves when he is in nimbus state.
Nimbus is a term that, whilst not being scientific, is widely
accepted as the definition of someone with so much state
that he doesnt have the time to think, and is running on
pure emotions; in other words, he is devastatingly present.
Without being in a logical, cognitive headspace, he is
unstifled, and his natural, attractive behaviours rise up out
of him. When in the grip of nimbus, he automatically
behaves in ways that are naturally attractive to women
3. Behavioural commonalities between alpha males from
different cultures all around the world. Social conditioning
does exist in extremely varying forms in cultures all around
the world, butt, the alpha-beta dichotomy is the same. In
any culture, the alpha males attract all the girls, while they
suppress the alpha traits of all the other males, rendering
them beta. While traveling in Australia, Hawaii, South East
Asia, China, North America, Canada, Scandinavia, Great
Brittan and Western Europe, I have seen that all alpha
males have similar behavioural traits that are attractive to
women. This is true, as well, for each subculture and
different social circles in all of the above listed contexts. All
alpha males across the globe have distinct commonalities
in the way that they behave. These behaviours are
congruent with masculinity and naturally attract women.
4. The way someone behaves before they are socially
conditioned, that is, when they are extremely primitive or
when they were very young. The behaviours that young
children exhibit, before they become conscious enough to
be socially conditioned, are all the behaviours that are
naturally attractive to women. It is not until they get older
that they begin to be disciplined into the frame of social
conditioning that suppresses their attractive natural alpha
behaviours. The fact that all young boys have the
behavioural traits that are attractive to girls is evidence
enough that anyone can be attractive to women and get
very god at pick up. The behavioural traits are inside you,
they are just suppressed.
5. The way a guy behaves when he is buzzed drunk, or
tipsy. You have had just enough alcohol to chemically
unstifled your social inhibitions, and nullify the limiting
beliefs that usually restrain you from acting on your natural
instincts. Alcohol is in inhibitionary drug that slows your
cognitive mind, allowing your emotional mind to again
dictate your behaviours. These behaviours are instinctive
and natural. Alcohol has been a major social lubricant for
millions of years, because it inspires attractive behaviours,
and, as such, is the common variable in almost every pick
up in this day and age.
6. What behaviours do all the Real Social Dynamics
instructors have in common although they are
phenomenally different people? If you can answer this
question you quite simply solve the (natural) game. Tim is
a carefree early-twenties Australian DJ, Tyler is a late-
twenties philosophical research genius nerd (the term is
used affectionately in this context and to highlight
contrasts), Jeffy is an early thirties writer, who is a gang-
bangin, booze swillin, bad ass mother fucker and Ozzie is
a late thirties Hispanic man of passion, style, energy and
minimalism. They are all extremely different people, but
they have some common traits and behaviours that inspire
devastating attraction in women.
Basically, all the things listed above point to the traits that
define you naturally as a man. The only reason why you
wouldnt behave like the man you naturally are is if you are
socially conditioned. When you are socially conditioned,
your natural behaviours as a man are suppressed, and the
behaviours you do express through the filter of chode ego
are not attractive.
What are the common behavioural traits all men exhibit in
their natural state?
By nature, as a man, you are:
1. Present
2. Positive-dominant
3. A man of action.
To live in alignment with these traits is to be your natural
self, and to man up; not to live in alignment with your
natural self is to suppress your natural self and have a
chode ego.
There are other traits like eating, sleeping, and breathing,
but the traits listed are the behavioural traits specific to
alpha guys in their natural state, and specifically pertain to
men.
Why are these three core traits attractive?
Being present and having presence.
When you have presence, everything you do just flows
and works. Its called being outside your head. When you
are not present, you are inside your head and everything
is forced, calculated and socially clumsy. To be present is
to have self trust and act smooth.
This is attractive.
This is the same as being in state, being on, or in the
zone. The only reason why you wouldnt be in state is if
you were dedicating your faculties (your cognitive RAM) to
things other than in the here and now. Basically, you are
firing on less than all cylinders.
Presence, most importantly, is about being in a headspace
where you dont second guess yourself and dont calculate
your actions. You behave without hesitation and with
conviction. Its the way you behave as a man that
determines whether girls will or will not be attracted to you.
Social conditioning is always stifling your ability to be
present. But, once you get into the right headspace, and
are in state, you act fearlessly, because the fear itself
doesnt have the time to register or taint and compromise
your natural behaviour.
When you are present you are completely outside you
head and you are not dedicating your headspace to
supporting a chode ego of any sort. Because your actions
are not being filtered through your chode ego, you behave
with 100% authenticity, and in alignment with who you are,
naturally, as a man.
The result is that you seen as naturally attractive.
You will tap into your blueprint and know exactly what to
do. Like the shaking of a magic eight ball, the right thing to
say or do will rise up and present itself to your
consciousness, when and only when you need it.
Thats why when you go in set and you are totally present,
or on, you will be naturally inclined to move things
forward, which helps the pickup. Also, when you are in a
natural headspace, you will be inclined to instinctively call
out people who say silly things and tease them playfully.
When you are in a natural headspace the exposure of the
girl to a full range of emotions will take care of itself.
When you are present, you dont go out of your way to
impress the girl, and you will simultaneously be carefree
about making bad impressions on people around you.
Expression is more important than impression. As soon as
she realises that you dont care if you make mistakes (in
contrast to classical pick up theory) she will see that you
are fully unstifled. She will know that you have no ego, and
are intrinsically of high value because you hold yourself in
higher opinion than anyone else. Girls will be attracted to
you and other, more stifled guys, will look up to you and
buy you drinks.
When present, everything is simplified. As Tim said in
Transformations, the only thoughts that will enter your
headspace are girl hot girl get hot girl. Natural game
is a minimalist discipline. This simplicity of natural game,
and the carefree mindsets that drive it, make it a fun way
to go about things. You feel good, and if you follow the
golden rule of natural game, the girl will feel good.
(By the way, did you ever hear or experience the saying:
time flies when youre having fun? Actually, its the other
way around, you have fun when times flies. You have fun
because you are so in the moment that you forget about
the abstract notion of time, and in your default, unstifled
and outside your-head-state, you feel great. They old
saying is true, but the causality is actually inverted.)
When you are present, you will be fully dialed into your
empathy, and you will be aware of how people are reacting
to you, and very importantly, respond smoothly instead of
reacting and losing value.
Remember, you are responsive, not reactive.
While acting freely and unstifled, you will have the
presence of mind to change up what you are doing to
remain in a unreactive and leading frame, where you are
the one who dictates the energies and rhythms of the
interaction.
Its possible that you might act in unstifled ways that
offend, annoy or bore others. But, peoples opinions of
everything are subjective and they could interpret what
you do in any way. If, for any reason, what you do comes
off as socially miscalibrated, but still authentic, it will
generate a congruence test. This gives you an opportunity
to show the girl that you are high value because you are
unapologetic (you dont give a fuck what anyone thinks),
unreactive and congruent with yourself as a man.
Know that there is no such thing a perfect pick up, as it
wouldnt gel with the girls reality, because people arent
perfect. You would be more entertaining than you would
be high value. Imperfection is authentic. You, acting
through your own natural intentions and dealing with
whatever repercussions that come up, is authentic. Plus,
the notion of perfection is subjective. So, you doing things
your own way and dealing with objections to it or
miscalibration, confirms the strength of your reality to the
girls you are interacting with. Being imperfect and
responding in real time, while present, confirms your value
as a function of your internal centeredness and makes you
attractive.
When present, you are fully tuned into the social matrix,
and your responsivity, not reactivity, will give you a social
intuition that few others have. This natural view of the
social matrix gives you an unclouded view, that people
who, harboured by ego, are restricted by. This social
intuition will help you to make educated decisions and
read situations and people in a way that, egotistically,
others would be completely blind to.
All instructors have this social intuition through experience,
and it serves to help read situations, and operate with a lot
more maneuverability than most other people.
Presence is the key to confidence. We know that it is a
man acts with confidence that is attractive to women. For
the most part, people achieve confidence through money,
status, power, looks and other externally derived
feedback. Problem is, though, that if you dont have these
things then you will not have confidence. Even then, if you
had money, status, power etc, and then they were taken
from you, your confidence would also disappear,
Presence, and living in the moment, gives you confidence
because you forget limiting beliefs and socially conditioned
indicators of status. You have a clear and pure headspace
that puts nothing between you and what you perceive you
deserve.
The truth is, confidence is not learnt, earned or achieved.
Confidence is default.
CONFIDENCE HAPPENS WHEN YOU PERCIEVE THAT
NOTHING HOLDS YOU BACK
Become present, access your confidence.
Behave with no doubt: get girls.
Ask yourself: what stands between me and getting what I
want?
When you pose the question like that, its only bullshit you
that you impose on yourself that hold you back from
achieving success.
Being present is intrinsically linked to the notion of
radiating presence (nimbus). When you are present, you
are unreactive to everything, because you are responsive.
When you are present, you are the cause, and others
around you become the effect. You are unstifled because
you impose no limits on yourself. When people say that
you have presence, it is because people around you are
reacting to you. In traditional non-game speak, guys with
presence are thought of as being attractive.
Lastly, being present is being plugged into the world.
When you are not present, inside your head or harbouring
an ego, you impose a barrier between you and the world.
You feel disconnected to the world in the same way that
the world will be disconnected to you. When you are
present, in the moment, everything flows smoothly, and
you connect with the world and can connect emotionally to
the girls you interact with.
When you are present, you walk through the world with
ease; nothing enters your headspace to hold you back,
you feel confident and are unburdened. When you are
present you feel great and empowered.
Whatever you feel, she feels.
There is more on presence that I could talk about, but for a
fuller understanding read Eckhart Tolle. The few other
things that relate to presence will be covered in the self
esteem section below, as presence and self esteem are
intertwined and linked.
Positive-Dominance (Think of Tims woo + intent)
This behavioural trait has a lot to do with the golden rule of
natural game: whatever you feel, she feels.
Positive-dominant communication styles are actually a
result of being fully present. You will find yourself
communicating positively-dominantly in situations where
you are comfortable with friends and family. This is
generally characterised as having a breaking rapport
tonality and being in a good state.
To learn to implement positive dominance, do this exercise
(Tyler has published versions of this before):
Say, Oi!
Did it come out as negative and dominant?
Now, clap your hands fast 5 or 6 times to get pumped up,
into state and present, before, once again, saying Oi!
Now that youre in the moment, coming from a place of
energy and using your natural tonality (which is default
breaking rapport if youre a man), you have just exhibited
positive-dominant behaviour.
The thing is, though, that when you are talking to a girl,
you will be inclined to put on a special personality to game
her. However, if you stay true to your own rhythm, come
from a place of energy and draw state from within, you will
already be communicating in just the way you need to be
in order to be congruent with who you are.
If you see any one of the RSD instructors giving a
presentation, they will unconsciously speak with positive-
dominance. Youtube RSD guys now to sample it firsthand,
or Listen to Tim in this clip.

He speaks with enthusiasm and with a breaking rapport

tonality. But, its not an effort for him, its natural. He is
unstifled and, as a result, in alignment with the man he
was born to be.
You can also think of positive dominance as
assertiveness with a smile.
But, its not just communication styles, but positive-
dominant actions that are attractive as well. As a man, you
need to take responsibility for your reality, or someone
else will take responsibility for you. Most guys are socially
conditioned, and are the opposite of positive-dominant.
These guys are passive-pessimistic, and is is your
average everyday guy in the club.
Examine the graph below.
These guys are only repressed because of social
conditioning. The unstifled you will be operating naturally,
and you will freely express yourself positive-dominantly.
All the examples of guys communicating and interacting
with women naturally have this commonality. Positive
dominance is what all the instructors have in common
even though they are vastly different people.
Positive-dominant behaviour, as an expression of the
natural self, elicits a very strong response in women in the
same way that a woman in her natural state would elicit a
very strong response in you as a man.
Tim talks about the four types of guys in the world. It is
only the positive-dominant (woo plus intent) guy that is
sexworthy. All other types of guys are pretending to be
chode and are acting in a stifled and unnatural way. No
natural behaviour equates to no natural attraction.
Further evidence for your natural congruence with
positive-dominance can be found in examples where you
are in a position of positivity and/or dominance.
When you are managing, leading, starting a party,
asserting yourself, trusting yourself, when you are light-
hearted or when you are challenging yourself, you are
displaying positive dominance. When you are in these
positions you feel good. It is a fact that, in your natural or
default state, you feel good.
When you feel good, the girl feels good.
Interaction dynamics fall into place when you are
congruent with yourself fully as a man.
When guys are in state, their behaviour instinctively stems
from the right place, and is positive dominant. When guys
are out of state, they intentionally do positive-dominant
things, to generate their own state, and get into the
moment.
There is a lot more to say about positive-dominance (or
woo and intent), but it has been said in other blogs, and on
Tims Flawless Natural product. If there was a magic pill of
natural game, this would be it. This is the default mode of
behaviour for any natural. To be out of congruence with
positive dominance would be unnatural and unattractive.
You simply wont feel right if youre not behaving in
congruence with your natural tendencies of positive
dominance.
If you dont feel right, the girl wont feel right.
Once catch to the positive dominant trait is that you have
to generate it from within; this takes responsibility. But,
once implemented, its easy to maintain, as you find a
rhythm that you will find others reacting to. Its the active
responsibility of implementation that will set you apart from
all the other beta males and gamer chodes, rendering you
an alpha male and naturally attractive.
Escalation and Being a Man Of Action.
This behavioural trait is harder to give an accurate name
to. When I refer to escalation, I mean that you are a man
who communicates himself physically, following your path
in life, and you moving with interactions with women.
A rule of thumb is the difference between friendly and flirty
is physicality.
The escalation trait is epitomised by the well known notion
of the window of opportunity. If you are incongruent with
your natural tendencies to escalate as a man, an
interaction will quickly go backwards.
On the other hand, if you escalate early, even
miscalibrated, it will demonstrate congruence with your
natural self. Unless you suffer from a total lack of empathy,
physical escalation is a very quick and obvious
demonstration of natural game and of being unstifled.
Counter intuitively, it is attractive to escalate sooner, rather
than later.
As a man it is your responsibility to move things forward.
For a girl, to do such things would be slutty, and she would
risk rejection. Plus, if you are not the one to lead things
forward, it would not give her the chance to give you tests
that you can pass and demonstrate the necessary value
and congruence that would render you an attractive option
to her.
With each positive-dominant behaviour that you exert, that
is in alignment with your escalation trait, and with each
congruence test that you pass, her level of attraction to
you progressively rises like a volume dial. By that same
token when you act out of congruence, the dial can go
down, or if you fail to escalate things forward, the
attraction dial can also reverse downwards.
Away from interactions, it is you moving forward in life as a
man that makes you not only attractive to women, but
fulfils your own life experience. Men are naturally inspired
to explore, take adventures, take risks, progress, expand
and build. This is verification of natural alignment, because
you feel good when you are doing these things.
When you feel good the girl feels good.
Contrastingly, it can be acutely painful or disheartening to
regress, go backwards or find yourself stuck in a position
that you cannot move forward from.
Most simply, if you take action you will be attractive.
Essentially, if you have more conviction in your actions
then the other men around, you will achieve more, and
come more into congruence with yourself as a man.
Other facets of escalation are what Tim calls intent,
decisiveness and risk taking. The more action you take,
the more you grow through experience, ultimately resulting
in you becoming internally centered, indifferent and
intrinsically higher value.
In a lot of cases, if someone takes action or assumes a
leadership role, people will automatically follow, because
most socially conditioned people will be used to others
taking responsibility for them. If you have ever taken a girl
on a date and asked her, what do you want to do, the
generic answer will almost always be I dunno. Its your
job as a man to decide and make things happen; if you
dont, nothing will happen.
A lot of people who study pick up know what to do to get
girls. A lot of people who dont study pick up also could
figure out what it might take to get girls. But, at the end of
the day, it comes down to their ability to take action and
escalate the situation. If the way a women looks is what
makes us attracted to her, it the fact that you ACTUALLY
TAKE ACTION as a man that will make her attracted to
you.
You inspire attractiveness as a man by the actions you
take; the more actions you take that are in alignment with
your natural self, the more the attraction dial is jacked to
and past the critical points.
(NOTE: if you take action that is just plain weird and
unnatural, because you are not positive-dominant or not
present, you will decrease the attraction dial)
In some extreme cases, guys will get laid even if they
have no game and are jerks, arrogant or assholes, simply
because they move things forward. Most community guys
forget that girls want to be laid by a cool guy. Dont
overcomplicate the process; you need to take every
responsibility for her getting laid.
Being fully in alignment naturally with what you are.
To be 100% present, 100% positive-dominant and 100% a
man of action/escalation is to achieve ELITE
CONGRUENCE, and this is what makes the guys who are
the best with women the best. In basic terms they have
manned up in all their glory.
Tim talks about obeying the core. The core is presence,
positive-dominance and escalation combined. To disobey
the core would be to act against the instincts of the core,
and the above listed traits, and would obviously be
detrimental to your natural game.
More importantly, though, is that coming into alignment
with yourself as a man isnt a progressive or cumulative
process. Actually, its a deductive process that requires
that you let go of external forces
It requires you to MAN DOWN.

Connotatively, the words MAN DOWN might seem

negative, but thats the idea. Instead of searching
externally for something to confirm your-self image as a
man, instead look internally at what you are and come into
alignment with it.
When you do let go, when you do MAN DOWN, you will
find strength, confidence, integrity, self assurance, self
esteem, coolness, positivity, dominance, a carefree
headspace, and you will feel really fucking good.
When you feel really fucking good the girls will feel really
fucking good.
You stop pretending to be a chode by acting out of
congruence with what you are, and become egoless. You
feel good knowing that all you are is a man.
You cannot escape what you are; the only option is to
come into congruence with it.
This is a simple, but very powerful idea.
The fact of the matter is, you are almost genetically
identical to every other man in the world. Come into
alignment with yourself as a man, in terms of the above
behaviour, and everything you do will be COMING FROM
THE RIGHT PLACE. When you come from the right place,
as if by magic, everything you do will work very well.
So what happens when you are out of congruence with
what you naturally are? When you are not your natural
self?
You have a chode ego, which suppress your natural and
default state of self esteem.
When Chode Ego Suppresses Self Esteem.
To be fully natural, unstifled and not socially conditioned, is
to have self esteem, and be in your default state.
With self esteem comes attractiveness.
As you are socially conditioned, you begin to identify
yourself in terms of ego and, erroneously derive a sense
of self from external sources. Of course, if you define
yourself in terms of external factors, your sense of self will
disappear if you lose sight of them.
Also, when you identify yourself in terms of external
factors, you will always be seeking external validation, and
defend against making bad impressions. Overall, you are
going to be sucking value from those around you, and
butting heads with those who dont buy into your sense of
self. You will distance yourself from people who dont see
you the way you want them to see you, because it will
shake your reality and weaken your sense of self.
Imagine, conceptually, that all you have is a physically
entity, depicted here simply as a circle.

When you are born this is uncompromised and you have

self esteem. There is no reason for self esteem, you are
simply born with it, and you come into the world feeling
good.
But over time, as you enter into childhood, and early
adolescence, you are continually slapped on the hand,
and disciplined to think and operate in certain ways. You
are stifled by the world around you, and taught to think
and behave in ways that are conducive to living soundly in
society and supporting the economy.
This is unnatural and abstractly defined. During this
process, your perception of the physical entity that is your
natural self is compromised. When the natural self is
compromised, so is your self esteem, and so is your daily
state.
If the way you feel about yourself is diminished, the way
the girl feels about you will also be diminished.
This is depicted here, where you can see the external
forces imposing on you and pushing your self esteem
inwards.
While this happens, you begin to look to identify yourself
with something to compensate for a lack of natural self. It
could be that you identify with being a goth, a PUA, a
dentist, a basketball player or even a hippy.
Who and what you are is continually defined, by what you
are trying to project, and by what people are projecting
onto you. One the one hand, you go out of your way to
seek validation in conversations when you meet new
people, and simultaneously, stop taking risks because you
dont want to be de-validated.
The ego is depicted here as the outer circle between you
and the world. As you can see, you are always pinging
with your ego and trying to hold it in place. It is a negative
process that puts you in your head.
There are numerous, massive problems with ego in
pickup. Firstly, as you can see in the graph, you go
through the world stifled and instantly communicate to
others that you live in reaction to the world around you.
This is reactive, lower value and unattractive.
Secondly, if for whatever reason your ego and falsely
projected sense of self is questioned, or proved to be less
that you are trying to project, your entire sense of self
comes crashing down and you feel terrible, even suicidal.
Once again, this is an abstract concept, but let me use
some famous people as an example. Think about it in
terms of the ego graphic.

Take Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton and Amy

Winehouse all as examples of people whose ego based
sense of self lead to their downfall.
These examples, with the exception of Paris Hilton, are all
people whose profession is entertainer. While they were
born and Christened with their names those same names
became their brand, like Nike or Apple. They identify,
egotistically and erroneously, with their brand because it is
one and the same name.
Their brand is their sense of self.
Of course, when they are getting positive external
feedback from the world, it massively pumps their ego
they feel great because the world tells them they can feel
great. In the cases of these international entertainers, I
would imagine the high and fan fare would be like taking
drugs of un-comprehendible pleasure. All of a sudden,
who they are is the best thing in the world.
But, when that feedback becomes negative, it will
constitute their sense of self as well. Who they are
becomes a product of what is projected onto them by their
critics and the paparazzi. It is publicly documented that the
lows that entertainers go through are devastating and
push these people to the brink of suicide. Oftentimes, the
stars turn to drugs to escape the brutal scrutiny of the
media and quickly spiral downwards.
For people who erroneously identify with their ego, who
they are is only as good as the feedback they get. Their
state, and the way they feel, is a product of what people
project onto them. They are always fighting an uphill battle
to keep everyone happy.
This could be avoided by not identifying with their name,
as a brand, and instead simply identifying with what they
are as human beings. In the case of you, the blog reader,
that means simple identifying with what you are as a man.
There are a lot of other entertainers in the same position
of scrutiny and public profile that do not identify with their
feedback, but instead identify with what they are. Their
entertaining is for themselves, not for the crowds;
expression not impression.
They dont take the positive feedback or the negative
feedback too seriously. Like a guy who knows who he is,
he doesnt value the opinions of others over his opinion of
himself. When you talk to a really cool guy and give him
props, he wont be overly enthused by it, because your
opinion of him will never hold more weight than his opinion
of him; my mentor, Tyler, is a great example of this.
Examples of performers in the entertainment world are
Robbie Williams and Bono from U2.

In the case of you, the aspiring pick up artist, identifying

with feedback is a massive trap that can lead to your
downfall, pain, inconsistency and sometimes quitting the
game.
When you set out to become a guy who is good with girls,
you think you are out to learn to become something that
you currently are not. To think that you need to learn to be
naturally attractive is to deny that you were attractive in
the first place. As I said above, learning natural game is a
deductive process of surrendering and letting go.
As you start in the game, and begin to get results, you
change up the chode ego with the Im good with girls ego;
you erroneously derive your sense of self from different
forms of feedback you get instead of deriving your sense
of self from what you actually are. You go to the clubs and
dont push the interactions forward because you are fatally
afraid of de-validation, and when you talk to girls you
arent out to have fun, you are playing to not lose.
A lot of guys in the game have this experience after some
initial good results and experiences. What makes matters
worse is once you think you have externally achieved a
sense of self, or ego of Im good with girls, when you do
actually approach girls all you do is suck value out of them
in a quest to confirm that youre STILL good with girls.
The most dangerous and hazardous downfall of having an
ego in the game is your fluctuating state and lack of
consistency.
The golden rule of natural game is whatever you feel, she
feels. If you feel bad because you are having a bad night
and your sense of self isnt being validated, you feel
absolutely terrible. If you dont do as well that night as you
have done in the past, you hate yourself. The result is girls
wont even talk to you, and consistently blow you out
instantly. There is incongruence with how you act, and
what you are, and you will find yourself approaching with a
weird pick up persona, as opposed to being your natural
self.

Like its shown in the graphic, conceptually you are only a

physical, natural entity. When you identify with anything
other than your natural self, it stands in the place of what
you naturally are. Your self esteem is suppressed and you
probably turn to booze or drugs to escape the feeling of
failure and frustration.
If you let yourself identify with external factors, its like a
fungus that suppresses your natural self or your core.
Every behaviour that you implement comes through an
ego filter that is tainted of its natural origins, making it
unattractive.
When you are socially conditioned and have an externally
defined ego, you are part of an intricate social web that
keeps you in place with others like you.

If you dont know who you are, someone else will define it
for you, or at least in conjunction with your desired
projection of yourself. If you have a weak idea of who you
are, you will be easily swayed by someone with a strong
reality projecting an identity onto you. With external
projection will come a compromise of state and self
esteem.
Even if you have a fairly strong sense of self, you are still
at the mercy of others projecting onto you. The goal is to
have an internally defined sense of self. Only then will you
achieve the precious game traits of unreactiveness,
centeredness, self esteem, state and very importantly, you
will never have negative state.
If you define yourself in terms of what you naturally are,
as found in the examples of unstifled guys, and in terms of
the behavioural traits that the example guys commonly
possess (presence, positive dominance, and being a man
of action/escalation), you will be perpetually attractive and
always in a good state.
You will conquer natural game.

Several things will happen, all of which would be in stark

contrast to old socially conditioned chode ego.
You make the transformation from beta male to alpha male
Instead of having the world take responsibility for who and
what you are, you do it and you can then empower
yourself to become anything you want to be.
Because you are now internally centered, you have the
inner strength and self assurance to turn what you
perceive into what you project. You can change others
perceptions of themselves and their realities, because
your self assurance is greater than theirs and they will
trust you, because you trust yourself more than they trust
themselves.
In your world, you now become the cause and not the
effect, you feel in control and you take the reins of your
destiny. Self imposed bullshit that used to hold you back
no longer exists, because you have come to the
realisation that it was all externally imposed and socially
conditioned, which your former, weak reality was using to
try to make sense of the world.
You achieve integrity because your actions completely line
up with who you are. Your actions are all in congruence
with the man you were born to be. You are not questioned
about the things you do because you have nothing to hide.
You dont give a fuck and you are unapologetic because
you have good intentions and intrinsically offer value to the
word.
You realise that you are the only common denominator in
the world, and that as much as you might try, there is
nothing you can do to consistently elicit a predictable
response by manipulating the people around you. When
you let go of trying to control reactions, you walk through
the world with ease; you feel good, you can freely act
through your own intentions and people will follow you and
look to you for leadership.
You can achieve instant strong rapport with anyone
because you are real, whereas so many other people are
fake. People indentify with you instantly, because they see
themselves in you, and can relate to you simply because
you are both people. When you have integrity you dont
need to implement rapport phases, as the girl will feel
like, and sometimes say to you, that she feels like she has
known you for a long time even though you have just met.
When you let go of external constraints and ego based
limitations, you feel kind of giddy because you begin to
realise your potential. Once you take responsibility for your
reality you realise you have great power. Some people
have difficulty dealing with such power and squander it
away.
Success barriers are a whole other post, but all you have
to remember is that your sense of entitlement is
proportionate to your taking responsibility.
Let me say that again:
YOUR SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT IS PROPORTINATE
TO YOUR TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.
In the same way that if you earn five million dollars you
feel entitled to it, value it and keep it. If you didnt earn it
you will feel like you cheated and will ultimately squander
or sabotage it. In terms of women, if you manipulate a girl
into bed who you think is out of your league, you are likely
to sabotage the relationship or even yourself; you dont
feel like you deserve her.
However, if you take responsibility for your reality and
internally centre yourself, there is no reason why you dont
deserve the best. In your mind, you realise that the girl will
be best with you because you know who you are and can
offer more value than any other guy can. You take
responsibility and realize that you are doing the right thing
for the both of you.
When you take responsibility of your reality, your potential
can overwhelm and scare you more than your failures will.
Basically, you become the equivalent to what a model hot
girl is to a chode guy, when you come into congruence
with what you are. All of a sudden, you get treated a lot
better by everyone around you.
The thing is, though, that guys in congruence with what
they are as men are a lot rarer than model hot girls. Guys
in the world who were born alpha are usually married or
have girlfriends pretty early in life, because the girls go
crazy over him and pin him down quickly. If you are a
student of natural game you find yourself in a reality
where, to quote Jeffy, you have the sex drive of a man,
but the options of a woman.
Even when you do make the shift, and identify simply with
what you are, it requires will power and continual action to
retain that internal centeredness. Continual action will
prevent you from letting external influences seep back in
and alter your perception of who and what you are.
Now, know this:
WHO YOU ARE, ON A PHYSICAL LEVEL, IS WHAT YOU
ARE. WHAT YOU ARE IS A MAN, AND, AS A MAN, YOU
ARE PRESENT, POSITIVIELY DOMINANT AND
SOMEONE WHO TAKES ACTION. ANYTHING LESS IS A
CHODE EGO.
Look at the two graphs below. The first shows your life
cycle from birth, through social conditioning to beta chode,
and then going full circle, self actualising and re-aligning
with your natural self as a man. As you can see, there are
four types of men in the world. Only the sex worthy guy is
in alignment with his natural self as a man. You are born
that way and you will re-align with your natural self when
you learn to drop your ego and find your natural self as a
man. It could be called manning down and letting go.

In this second graphic you can see superimposed which of

these guys have ego and which have self esteem. To have
self esteem is to be natural, and to have an ego is to be
unnatural. Being natural is attractive; being unnatural is
weird and unattractive.
Realities
A strong reality can be derived from one of two ways. One
the one hand, it can be strong from continual consistent
feedback from the world around you; see Tom Cruises
character from Vanilla Sky as an example of this. On the
other hand, your reality can be strong as a function of
knowing what you are and living in congruence with it. The
character James Bond is an example of this.
In the first case, when your reality is defined from external
feedback, you will always be at the mercy of possible
negative feedback should it happen. In Vanilla Sky, when
Tom Cruises character is injured, and external feedback
no longer reinforces his sense of self, he breaks down and
freaks out.

But, it is important to note that in his strong reality, prior to

the characters accident, he was attractive because he
had a strong sense of self, and people who had lesser
realities around him would react to him. He had higher
value contextually.
In the case of the James Bond character, in whatever
situation he is in, he can define his reality by projecting
what he perceives onto the situation. Once again, this is a
strong reality, but the causality is different. When you know
what you are and live in congruence with it, you have the
inner strength and centeredness to define your reality
around you on a moment by moment basis. When you live
like this, your reality will always be strong and will remain
strong, even in changing and unpredictable situations.
Self esteem, and congruence with what you are, as a
man, is mandatory pre-requisite for a strong reality. A
strong and adaptable reality is essential to core
confidence and having people react to you in all situations.
When people react to you, you are high value and they
experience emotional spikes and arousal when they
interact with you.
The real social dynamics instructors, who taught and
mentored me, are examples of guys with core confidence
and self defined and adaptable realities. Last week, I
spent the week in Hawaii with Tim, Tyler, Jeffy and Saad.
Watching these guys confirmed everything I am reporting
here.
Women also have a very strong reality, but like Tom
Cruises character in Vanilla Sky, it is derived contextually
from external sources. This is why hot women love to go to
clubs and be validated; it pumps their state.
In modern times, the higher cognitive brain can supersede
emotional impulses and natural tendencies, but for the
purpose of this article I will report in terms of womens
natural and emotional tendencies.
Evolutionarily (and only evolutionarily, so as not to be
misogynistic, as things are different in this day and age), it
was as though womens value was derived externally as
they were dependant on men. If a caveman saw a woman,
he would simply fight the other cavemen for the rights to
alpha status, before he took her. It didnt matter what he
looked like, all that mattered was that he was the manliest
the tribe. Of course, this inspires good genetic evolution.
For cavewomen, it was as though their sense of self was a
function of the way the cavemen reacted to them, whereas
a cavemans sense of self was nothing more than what he
was and what he did.
For the caveman, it would have been a constant battle and
constant implementation of his physical self to survive and
replicate. The caveman, who took the most responsibility
for his cave reality, would have been the most attractive
alpha male (Reference mirror theory from The Blueprint by
Tyler from RSD www.theblueprintdecoded.com).
Cavemen were cavewomens mirrors. This evolutionary
pattern still resides in the human brain today, as a result of
evolution, and is stifled and cognitively controlled by our
higher cortex brain.
In this day and age, the natural attraction triggers are the
same as those evolutionarily derived, and are a result of
millions of years of natural selection.
With this in mind, men in congruence with what they are
will be attractive to women.
A socially conditioned woman might be one who is busy
trying to control everyone or acting bitchy. On a more
physiological level, social conditioning for women can
result in a severe compromise of self esteem, and
sometimes women will eat to compensate for that. Women
in bad physical shape are unattractive. In cave-days things
like obesity would have been rare, because food was far
from abundant.
Importantly, when you come into congruence with what
you are, as a man, you will always have the capacity to be
intrinsically higher value than women. You can know what
you are on your own, whereas (evolutionarily) a womens
sense of self is partly derived by the validation of others.
Interestingly, as a side note, what you are as a man is
hormonally a lot more consistent than the hormonal cycle
of a woman. Your hormones dictate your natural urges and
behaviours. Having a more stable hormonal profile
advocates that you should be more centered and stable
than a woman is by nature. This is why women are
attracted to a man who knows who he is. He becomes a
point of stability in her life, and intrinsically higher value in
an emotional sense.

(NOTE: again, not to sound misogynistic, but these are the

natural evolutionary tendencies of people that cant be
avoided. In this day and age, and with modern peoples
cognitive capacities, these natural tendencies can be
consciously overcome. But in social, emotional and often
drunk situations, people behave in accordance with their
natural emotional selves.)
If you know who you are more than the women knows who
she is, you will have a stronger reality than her, will be of
higher value, and as a result, she will react to you and be
aroused by the emotional spikes.
Attraction equals higher value plus the inspiration of a full
range of emotions.

The below graphic shows the strength of your reality. You

will not have a strong reality, albeit fragile, if it is
continually and consistently defined by others (for example
the reality of a hot girl). If you dont know who you are, and
struggle to figure out if you trust yourself more than you
trust others, you will have a very weak reality and
continually react to others.
If you totally understand what you are, and you act in
congruence with it, then your sense of self cannot be
taken away from you. People will always react to you, and
you will be fully in alignment with yourself as a man.
You will be very attractive.
Nurture
The term nurture refers to your physical bodys experience
in the world. Your nature is your physical self. Who you are
a combination of what you are (Nature) and what you do
(Nurture).
A lot of people erroneously think that the things they do in
the world constitutes who or what they are. When they
make this association and harbour this mindset, they
suppress their nature, and their natural self esteem.
Naturally, you are simply a man in all of your glory, and to
think of yourself other than that is to diminish your natural
masculine sense of self.

But, if you make the realisation that the things that you do
are just expressions of your natural male self, then you
never diminish your natural sense of self, your masculinity,
your self esteem or state.
If you see yourself in terms of what you are, combined
with what you do, then everything you do comes from a
place of congruence with your natural self.
You could be a basketball player, a pick up artist, a doctor
or a hippy, but you still retain your natural self, which is
naturally attractive. All the things you do are a function of
you being a man, and nothing more than a celebration and
implementation of what you are.
As a man it is your actions that make you attractive, not
your ego. When you identify with what you are, naturally
as a man, everything you do is coming from the right place
of congruence and masculine strength. You can literally do
anything, or be anything, and still be attractive, as long as
you are tapping into your masculinity and coming from the
right place.

This is where the catch phrase, expression not

impression comes from. (http://alexattitude.com/?p=22).
Everything that you do is generated from a place of
abundance and indifference, and is purely an expression
of your true self. You are not seeking validation or acting
through egoic defense.
You are unstifled, indifferent and higher value, and people
react to you more than you react to them.
When you walk through the world as a man who is living in
congruence with who you are, you soon realize that you
arent your achievements, and do not identify with them.
This way, you can do a lot of different things, sample many
different experiences and not worry about being tagged or
boxed in as being a certain type of person.
Think of it like this:
TAKE CREDIT FOR THE THINGS YOU DO, BUT DONT
IDENTIFY WITH THEM.
Just because you fucked everything up, doesnt make you
a fuck up.
Even if you screwed all the girls from Victorias Secret, it
doesnt make you a player.
Take credit and responsibility, sure, but what you do isnt
what you are, its merely a function and expression of what
you are.
When you are in congruence with what you are, naturally,
the things that you do are merely A CELEBRATION OF
YOURSELF (see Tim in Transformations).
You can also think of the different things you do as
different ways of decorating yourself.
(http://naturaltim.com/?p=16). Take,for example, the way
you dress or wear your hair. It can take many different
forms, but its just an expression or a decoration of your
physical self.
People ask the RSD guys, Why do you get dressed in the
morning if you dont give a fuck what anything thinks of
you?
The answer is simple.
Guys who know who they are dont care how you are
received, or about the impression they make on others;
they are only interested in what they can control.
This is an expression of their natural self.
Following the model of who you are, being a combination
of what you are and what you do with yourself, you can
take on different personalities in different situations, dress
differently, transform yourself over and over, but still be
attractive. Because, in each situation, the variable of you
as a man doesnt alter. Everything, as different as it may
be, will work because it comes from a place of natural
male strength.
Tyler talks about dynamic nature of your existence in his
blog.
(http://realsocialdynamics.blogspot.com/2007/11/dynamic-
nature-of-your-existence.html). Who you are, over the
course of your life, can take on many forms of expression,
but as long as you are congruent with your nature, as a
man, its all good. If you compromise your natural sense of
self, you begin to get headaches, a weakened reality and
begin to suck with girls.
Identity, personas, and the different roles you play all
come from a place of strength when you know what you
are. They are all accurate.
It only ceases to be true if you perceive what you do
compensates for what you are.
There are a lot of different men out there, in the world, who
are attractive. The commonalities between them are the
fact that they are in congruence with what they are as
men. But it is there differing experiences in life, which
make them unique.
Everyone has a different story, a different sense of
humour, different goals and they decorate themselves in
different ways, and this is why women can be attracted to
different types of men. The thing that makes them
attractive is that they dont identify with that they do. They
identify with what they are, they know themselves more
than the women knows herself, and as a result, she reacts
to him and is aroused by the emotional spike ripples that
come from him.
Youre the same as every other man, it is only how you
apply yourself, and the way you behave that makes you
attractive. To identify with what you have done is to form
an ego, and to cease actively behaving in the ways that
are congruent to you as a man. You become unattractive
because you think you have the game won, purely on your
past experiences.
As a man you will feel unfulfilled when you stop taking
action, and the women around you will not be attracted to
you, because you will seek validation of what you
erroneously think you are. You will cease to continue to
grow by discontinuing taking actions.
As a student of natural game, seek out the examples of
the RSD coaches on DVD, or attend a bootcamp, to learn
firsthand from guys who get it.
Two concepts that Nathan is well known for is being the
man you are supposed to be, and being your own Guru.
These are particularly valuable as Nathan is one of the
most masculine and alpha guys on the team.

Learn from the coaches what it means to align yourself

with your nature.
At some point, once you have come into congruence with
what you, it will be time to take the learning baton from
your coach and be your own Guru. When you have learnt
enough from your master, you then step up and trust
yourself to do the right thing when decision contingencies
present themselves. You can be your own guru when you
are in alignment with the man you are supposed to be; it
doesnt matter what you do, it will work simply because it
is coming from the right place.
Leonardo da Vinci said, poor is the student who does not
surpass his master. What he meant by this is at some
point, after you have learned all you can, you need to
transcend those who have gone before you, and trust that
you can be better because it is you who is doing it.
Profoundly, when my close colleague Ryan made the final
transition from student of natural game, to master of
natural game, he made a stunning summary that sums up
what it means to be who you are.

Ryan said, Its not the right action because its the correct
thing to do in the situation, its the correct thing to do
because you are the one doing it. I know what to do
because I am the game.
When you know who you are, you will know what to do.
Conclusion
Who you are is a combination of what you are and what
you do.
I have figured out what you are, and what it means to be a
man, by looking at examples of how men behave when
they are not socially conditioned, and have tested this
theory with hundreds of students, myself and profiling
other instructors over the last two years.
I found that how you behave is what makes you attractive,
and when you behave in congruence with your natural
self, you behave in attractive ways.
I found that knowing who you are is an essential
prerequisite before you can truly satisfy the attraction
formula. If you dont know who you are more than the girls
you interact with, your reality will be weak and reactive.
Contrastingly, when you know who you are, you have a
strong reality, you are higher value and people react to
you.

I learned that you get NIMBUS when you are escalating,

acting positively-dominant and are present in the moment..
I learned that who you are is not what you do, and that to
identify with what you do, or what is projected onto you, is
erroneous and gives you a weak reality.
I learned that when you discontinue to identify with what
you do, when external factors dont contribute to your
sense of self, you MAN DOWN and identify with what you
are naturally.
I LEARNED THAT WHAT YOU ARE, NATURALLY,
CANNOT BE TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU!
I LEARNED THAT YOU ARE NOT YOUR ACTIONS.
STATE IS A FUNCTION OF YOUR SENSE OF SELF.
WHAT YOU ARE CANNOT BE CHANGED AND YOUR
STATE CANNOT BE TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU!
WHEN YOUR SENSE OF SELF IS WHAT YOU ARE, AND
YOU LIVE IN CONGRUENCE WITH WHAT THIS, YOU
NEVER HAVE NEGATIVE STATE OR SUPRESSED SELF
ESTEEM!
What you identify with what you are, you always feel good
about being a man. When you feel good, the girls you
interact with feel good!
When you understand who you are, you are always in
state. The more you express yourself, the higher state you
are in. More state youre in, the more attractive you are.
Unbreakable state is the key to good natural game. Its like
you cant not have ten out of ten game.
When you know who you are, you have core confidence
because you define your reality.
When you know who you are, you are assertive, because
you are congruent with yourself as a man and take
responsibility for the situations you are in.
When you know who you are, you are unreactive, because
you know who you are more than anyone else knows who
they are.
When you know who you are, you offer value because
everything you do is simply an expression of your core
natural self. You have no ego and you take no value. Just
by taking action you offer value to the world.
I learned that by nature, you cant escape that you are a
man, and to try and escape it is to pretend to be a chode. I
learned that by nurture, everyone has their own story, and
can take any range of interchangeable forms but still be
attractive.
I realised that the advice be yourself is all you will ever
need to be attractive, as long as you know what it means
to be yourself. I realised that the reason why love happens
when youre not looking for it is because, when you are
being yourself, you are doing all the right things that make
you attractive.
You are MANNED DOWN.
I learned that when freed of the burden of ego, EVERY
MAN STARTS EQUAL. If you want to be a special
snowflake, you have to take action. Its when you take
action that you are attractive. When you know who you
are, you dont take actions to impress others, because you
realise it cant be done. Rather, you take action as an
expression of what you are, and to have an enriched
experience of life.
Expressive actions are attractive actions.
So, who are you?
Who you are is a combination of what you are and what
you do.

You are a man, and from that physical platform, you

realise the potential to achieve whatever you wish.
This is why you CANT NOT be attractive.
Alexander~