WritinganEffectivePersonalProfile

Scholarshipapplications,personalprofilesandsupplementalinformation(whenrequired)arereviewed
byascholarshipcommitteecomprisedofUAfacultyand/orstaff.Dependingonhowmanyscholarships
eachapplicantiseligiblefor,manyapplicationsarereviewedbymultiplecommittees.Thecommittees
taskistomatchthescholarshipprogramwithascholar.Directthereaders.Whyareyoutheexemplary
choicetoreceiveascholarship?

Committeeswillevaluatethefollowing:leadership,extracurricularinvolvement,presentation(grammar,
punctuation,etc),youreducationalandcareergoalsandplans,andanyotherinformationyoufeelthe
committeeshouldknowaboutyouoryourapplication.Trytotouchuponeachofthosecriterionsin
yourpersonalprofileandgointoasmuchdetailasyoucanwithinthe3000character(approximately
500word)limit.Itisrecommendedthatyoucomposeyourprofileinawordprocessingprogramsuchas
MicrosoftWord,andthencopyandpasteintotheboxprovided.

Effectiveprofilessuccessfullydothefollowing:

Giveinsightaboutwhoyouare.Theyshowuswhoyouare,howyouthink,howyoudecidetoact(ornotact)upon
something,howyouapproachaproblemordilemma,howyouinteractwithyourenvironment.

Avoidbeingmelancholy!Youdohavesomethinginterestingtowriteabout.Dontwritea
resume(unlessaskedfor);letusknowwhatmakesyoustandoutamongsttheotherapplicants.
Yourpersonalprofileisreadbycommitteemembersmakingscholarshiprecommendationsso
takethetimetoputyourbestfootforward.

ProfileBrainstorms:

Describeactivitiesyouareinvolvedinthatrelatetoyoureducationalplanoryourfuture
career
Describeascholasticachievementyouhavemade,andwhyitisimportanttoyou
Describecontributionsyouhavemadetoyourcommunityand/orcampusandexplain
howthoseexperienceshavecontributedtoyourpersonalgrowth
Pickanexperiencefromyourownlifeandexplainhowithasinfluencedyour
development
Wheredoyouseeyourself10yearsfromnow

Youmaychooseatopicthat200otherstudentswriteabout(whichisfine).Buthowyouwrite
aboutyourtopiccandistinguishyouressayfromthepack.

Writelogicallywherethereadercanfollowyourtrainofthought.Makesureyour
sentencesrelatetoeachother.Usetransitionswhenachangetakesplaceinyourstory
oryouaremakinganewpoint.
Avoidredundantsentencesandphrases.
 Useyourownvoice;youdontneedtoimpressbyusingesotericjargonorvocabulary.
Readersdetectpretensionwhenreadingonemilesizemultisyllabicwordafteranother,
whichmakesthewritinglesscompelling.However,itisagoodideatoconsulta
dictionaryandthesaurustofindtherightwordsthatconveyyourideaswithprecision.
Gooddictionstrengthensessays.
Writewhatyouknow.Ifyouaretryingtoimpressthecommitteebywritingona
complicatedsubjectmatterbutyouarenotpassionatenorknowlittleaboutit,the
readercanpickuponthisandyouressaymayseemdisingenuous.
Useappropriatelanguage.Keepinmindyouraudiencescholarshipcommittee
memberswhomustchoosetherightscholarforthescholarshipprogram.
Genericstatementsdontrevealwhyyouareunique.Usedetailed,vividdescriptionsto
producedistinctmentalimagesofyourstory.Herearesomeexamplestoillustratethis
point:

Thisopeningsentenceismorespecific,butitneedsfurtherelaborationtolearnhowthe
writermotivatedandencouragedteammembers.

Genericstatement:
Beingchosenascaptainofthesoccerteammadememoremature.

Analternativedescription:
WhatIlearnedfrombeingthecaptainofthesoccerteamwashowtomotivateandencourage
otherseffectivelywhensituationsseemedhopeless.

Heresanotherexampleoftwodescriptions:

GenericStatement:
Mymomisthemostinfluentialpersoninmylife.SheissupportiveineverythingIdoandsheisa
greatrolemodel.ItrytoemulateherandfollowherteachingsineverythingIpursue.

Howisthismomsupportive?Howissheagreatrolemodel?Isthereaspecific
exampleofhermothersqualities?Showvs.tell.

Heresanalternativedescription:
Iwanttoraisemychildrenlikemymotherdid.

Mymomneverusedaguilttriptoteachmewrongfromright.WhenItoldherin4thgrade,I
didntneedtopracticeSilentNightformyorganplayingdebutatMidnightMassshemerely
asked,Haveyouthoughtthisideathrough?Ithoughtitwasabrilliantplantokeepme
fresh,soIsaid,yes,withouthesitation.Mynervesgotthebestofmethatnight,andI
startedonthewrongnote,stumblingthroughthefingerpatternsofthesong,andcompletely
playedthepieceoffkey.Icouldnthelpbutseeteensintheaudienceshakingintheirseats,
tryingtostifletheirlaughs.AfterIplayedthefinalnote,Iran/walkedtositnexttomymom,
whosmiledatmeandenfoldedmeinahugepewhug.Afterwards,Iwasdespondent;yet,my
motherkeptbeamingwithpridethatIcompletedthefullsonginfrontof300people.Shenever
letonifshewasembarrassedorifshewasembarrassedforme.Shedidntneedtoremindme
thatpracticewouldhavemadetheexperiencelessharrowing.

Butsheknewhowtousethepowerofshame.

WhenIcameoutofourbathroomonemorning,myravenhairbleachedtowhiteandmybrown
pupilssheeredoverbyvioletcontacts,mymomsfacewentpaleandimmediatelyflushedto
maroon.Shepacedbetweenournarrowhallwayfivetimes,andsimplyasked,Whyhaveyou
erasedyourgrandmothersfeaturesfromyou?Areyousoashamedofyourheritage?Ifeltthe
disappointmentofgenerationswithherwordsandhercurtdeliverystunnedme.Ithencried
andcouldntbelievewhatIhaddonetomyself.BeforeIcouldrunbackintothebathroomto
correctmyappearance,shelatchedontotheedgeofmyshirtandforcedmedownstairswhere
afamilyreunionwasgatheringtocelebratemygrandmothers75thbirthday.Mynewlook
attractedquestioningstaresandjokefodderfrommyfamily.Witheachembarrassing
explanationandglancesofshame,mymothermademeaccountableformyactionsandtaught
metheimpactofmydecisionandbehaviorthatday.Asinthisepisode,mymompasseddown
effectivelifelearningteachingmethodsthatIhopeIcanemulatewithequalpatienceand
wisdomformyownchildren.

WorksConsulted:

CollegeBoardCollegeEssayWritingTips:WriteanEffectiveApplicationEssay
http://www.collegeboard.com/student/apply/essayskills/9406.html
NorlinScholarsProgramTipsforWritingScholarshipEssaysandGettingStrongLettersof
Recommendationhttp://www.colorado.edu/norlinscholars/apply.htm