THE SCIENCE OF

PARENTING
- AN INSIGHT

BY:

HASAN RIAZ
Mechanical Engineer
How To Make Your
Kids Smarter: 10
Steps Backed By
Science
Ive explored the science behind what makes kids happier,
what type of parenting works best and what makes for
joyful families.

But what makes children from babies up through the

teen years smarter?
Here are 10 things science says can help:

1) The Dumb Jock Is A Myth

Dumb jocks are dumb because they spend more time on

the field than in the library. But what if you make sure your
child devotes time to both?

Being in good shape increases your ability to learn.

After exercise people pick up new vocabulary
words 20% faster.

Via Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and

the Brain:

Indeed, in a 2007 study of humans, German

researchers found that people learn vocabulary
words 20 percent faster following exercise than they
did before exercise, and that the rate of learning
correlated directly with levels of BDNF.

A 3 month exercise regimen increased blood flow to

the part of the brain focused on memory and
learning by 30%.

Via Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and

the Brain:
In his study, Small put a group of volunteers on a
three-month exercise regimen and then took
pictures of their brains What he saw was that the
capillary volume in the memory area of the
hippocampus increased by 30 percent, a truly
remarkable change.
2) Dont Read To Your Kids, Read With Them

Got a little one who is learning to read? Dont let them

just stare at the pictures in a book while you do all
the reading.

Call attention to the words. Read with them, not to

them. Research shows it helps build their reading skills:

when shared book reading is enriched with

explicit attention to the development of childrens
reading skills and strategies, then shared book
reading is an effective vehicle for promoting the
early literacy ability even of disadvantaged
children.
3) Sleep Deprivation Makes Kids Stupid

Missing an hour of sleep turns a sixth graders brain into

that of a fourth grader.

Via NurtureShock:

A loss of one hour of sleep is equivalent to [the loss

of] two years of cognitive maturation and
development, Sadeh explained.

There is a correlation between grades and average

amount of sleep.

Via NurtureShock:

Teens who received As averaged about fifteen

more minutes sleep than the B students, who in turn
averaged fifteen more minutes than the Cs, and so
on. Wahlstroms data was an almost perfect
replication of results from an earlier study of over
3,000 Rhode Island high schoolers by Browns
Carskadon. Certainly, these are averages, but the
consistency of the two studies stands out. Every
fifteen minutes counts.
4) IQ Isnt Worth Much Without Self-
Discipline

Self-discipline beats IQ at predicting who will be successful

in life.

From Charles Duhiggs excellent book The Power of Habit:

Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business:

Dozens of studies show that willpower is the single

most important keystone habit for individual
success Students who exerted high levels of
willpower were more likely to earn higher grades in
their classes and gain admission into more selective
schools. They had fewer absences and spent less
time watching television and more hours on
homework. Highly self-disciplined adolescents
outperformed their more impulsive peers on every
academic-performance variable, the researchers
wrote. Self-discipline predicted academic
performance more robustly than did IQ. Self-
discipline also predicted which students would
improve their grades over the course of the school
year, whereas IQ did not. Self-discipline has a
bigger effect on academic performance than does
intellectual talent.

Grades have more to do with conscientiousness than raw

smarts.

Via How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden

Power of Character:
conscientiousness was the trait that best
predicted workplace success. What intrigues Roberts
about conscientiousness is that it predicts so many
outcomes that go far beyond the workplace. People
high in conscientiousness get better grades in school
and college; they commit fewer crimes; and they
stay married longer. They live longer and not just
because they smoke and drink less. They have fewer
strokes, lower blood pressure, and a lower incidence
of Alzheimers disease.
Who does best in life? Kids with grit.

Via Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us.

The best predictor of success, the researchers found,

was the prospective cadets ratings on a non-
cognitive, nonphysical trait known as gritdefined
as perseverance and passion for long-term goals.
5) Learning Is An Active Process

Baby Einstein and brain training games dont work.

In fact, theres reason to believe they make kids dumber.

Via Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy
Child from Zero to Five:

The products didnt work at all. They had no

positive effect on the vocabularies of the target
audience, infants 17-24 months. Some did actual
harm. For every hour per day the children spent
watching certain baby DVDs and videos, the infants
understood an average of six to eight fewer words
than infants who did not watch them.

Real learning isnt passive, its active.

What does Dan Coyle, author of The Talent Code

recommend? Stop merely reading and test yourself:

Our brains evolved to learn by doing things, not by

hearing about them. This is one of the reasons that,
for a lot of skills, its much better to spend about two
thirds of your time testing yourself on it rather than
absorbing it. Theres a rule of two thirds. If you want
to, say, memorize a passage, its better to spend 30
percent of your time reading it, and the other 70
percent of your time testing yourself on that
knowledge.
6) Treats Can Be A Good Thing At The
Right Time

Overall, it would be better if kids ate healthy all the time.

Research shows eating makes a difference in childrens
grades:

Everybody knows you should eat breakfast the day

of a big test. High-carb, high-fiber, slow-digesting
foods like oatmeal are best, research shows. But
what you eat a week in advance matters, too. When
16 college students were tested on attention and
thinking speed, then fed a five-day high-fat, low-carb
diet heavy on meat, eggs, cheese and cream and
tested again, their performance declined."

There are always exceptions. No kid eats healthy all the

time. But the irony is that kids often get bad foods at the
wrong time.

Research shows caffeine and sugar can be brain boosters:

Caffeine and glucose can have beneficial effects on

cognitive performance Since these areas have
been related to the sustained attention and working
memory processes, results would suggest that
combined caffeine and glucose could increase the
efficiency of the attentional system.

Theyre also potent rewards kids love.

So if kids are going to occasionally eat candy and

soda maybe its better to give it to them while they
study then when theyre relaxing.
7) Happy Kids = Successful Kids

Happier kids are more likely to turn into successful,

accomplished adults.

Via Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful

Kids and Happier Parents:

happiness is a tremendous advantage in a world

that emphasizes performance. On average, happy
people are more successful than unhappy people at
both work and love. They get better performance
reviews, have more prestigious jobs, and earn higher
salaries. They are more likely to get married, and
once married, they are more satisfied with their
marriage.

And whats the first step in creating happier kids? Being a

happy parent.
8) Peer Group Matters

Your genetics and the genetics of your partner have

a huge effect on your kids. But the way you raise
your kids?

Not nearly as much.

Via Malcolm Gladwells The Tipping Point: How Little

Things Can Make a Big Difference:

On things like measures of intellectual ability and

certain aspects of personality, the biological children
are fairly similar to their parents. For the adopted
kids, however, the results are downright strange.
Their scores have nothing whatsoever in common
with their adoptive parents: these children are no
more similar in their personality or intellectual skills
to the people who raised them, fed them, clothed
them, read to them, taught them, and loved them
for sixteen years than they are to any two adults
taken at random off the street.

So what does have an enormous affect on your childrens

behavior? Their peer group.

We usually only talk about peer pressure when its a

negative but more often than not, its a positive.

Living in a nice neighborhood, going to solid schools and

making sure your children hang out with good kids can
make a huge difference.

Whats the easiest way for a college student to improve

their GPA? Pick a smart roommate.
Via The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of
Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at
Work:

One study of Dartmouth College students by

economist Bruce Sacerdote illustrates how powerful
this influence is. He found that when students with
low grade-point averages simply began rooming with
higher-scoring students, their grade-point averages
increased. These students, according to the
researchers, appeared to infect each other with
good and bad study habitssuch that a roommate
with a high grade-point average would drag upward
the G.P.A. of his lower-scoring roommate.
9) Believe In Them

Believing your kid is smarter than average makes a

difference.

When teachers were told certain kids were sharper, those

kids did better even though the kids were selected at
random.

Via The Heart of Social Psychology: A Backstage View of a

Passionate Science:

Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson (1968) did the

same study in a classroom, telling elementary school
teachers that they had certain students in their class
who were academic spurters. In fact, these
students were selected at random. Absolutely
nothing else was done by the researchers to single
out these children. Yet by the end of the school year,
30 percent of the the children arbitrarily named as
spurters had gained an average of 22 IQ points, and
almost all had gained at least 10 IQ points.
10) Music Lessons

Plain and simple: research show music lessons make kids

smarter:

Compared with children in the control groups,

children in the music groups exhibited greater
increases in full-scale IQ. The effect was relatively
small, but it generalized across IQ subtests, index
scores, and a standardized measure of academic
achievement.

In fact musical training helps everyone, young and old:

A growing body of research finds musical training

gives students learning advantages in the classroom.
Now a Northwestern University study finds musical
training can benefit Grandma, too, by offsetting
some of the deleterious effects of aging.
Sum Up

1. The Dumb Jock Is A Myth

2. Dont Read To Your Kids, Read With Them

3. Sleep Deprivation Makes Kids Stupid

4. IQ Isnt Worth Much Without Self-Discipline

5. Learning Is An Active Process

6. Treats Can Be a Good Thing At The Right Time

7. Happy Kids = Successful Kids

8. Peer Group Matters

9. Believe In Them

10. Music Lessons

One final note: Intelligence isnt everything. Without ethics

and empathy really smart people can be scary.

As P.J. ORourke once said:

Smart people dont start many bar fights. But stupid

people dont build many hydrogen bombs.

So if you want to learn how to raise a happier kid go here

and a more well-behaved kid go here.
I hope this helps your child be brilliant.
How Parents Create
Narcissistic Children
Just about everybody has one raging narcissist to deal
with, sooner or later -- on the job, in social situations or
(God forbid) in the home. How did he get this way, we
wonder? What was his childhood like?

For what appears to be the first time, researchers have

taken a stab at that question by following and surveying
565 children ages 7 through 11 and their parents -- 415
mothers and 290 fathers.

The results are quite clear: Parents who "overvalue"

children during this developmental stage, telling them
they are superior to others and entitled to special
treatment, are more likely to produce narcissistic children
-- who can grow up to become narcissistic adults, unless
something is done about it.

"When children are seen by their parents as being more

special and more entitled than other children, they may
internalize the view that they are superior individuals, a
view that is at the core of narcissism," the researchers
wrote in a study released online Monday in
the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. "But
when children are treated by their parents with affection
and appreciation, they may internalize the view that they
are valuable individuals, a view that is at the core of self-
esteem."

This seems to make sense intuitively, but as the authors --

Brad Bushman of Ohio State University and Eddie
Brummelman, a post-doctoral researcher at Holland's
University of Amsterdam and Utrecht University -- point
out, this was not the prevailing explanation all along.
Psychoanalytic theory suggested that narcissists were the
result of parents who showed them too little warmth.
So Bushman and Brummelman pitted social learning
theory -- the idea that you learn through modeled
behavior -- against the psychoanalytic argument and
found that, indeed, children learn their narcissism from
parents who teach them that they are more than special.

The authors also wanted to determine what differentiated

narcissists -- who tend to be more aggressive and even
violent than other people, and are at higher risk for
depression, anxiety and drug addiction -- from people with
strong self-esteem. As mentioned above, parents who
show their kids warmth and appreciation without
promoting the idea that they are superior tend to raise
children with solid self-esteem.

Previous studies have looked at narcissistic adults, but in

2008, Brummelman said in an interview, reliable testing
instruments became available for young children. By the
age of 7 or 8, he said, children develop the ability to
describe whether they are happy with themselves and are
very likely to compare themselves with others. "It's an age
when they may be especially sensitive to parental
influence," he added.

The researchers did note that they couldn't quite come out
and show cause and effect. "Of course, parental
overvaluation is not the sole origin of narcissism," they
wrote. They added: "Like other personality traits,
narcissism is moderately heritable and partly rooted in
early-emerging temperamental traits. Some children, due
to their temperamental traits, might be more likely than
others to become narcissistic when exposed to parental
overvaluation."
Aside from having to deal with someone like this, why
should any of us care? Well, narcissism has been on the
rise among Western youth in recent decades. Bushman
put his concerns nicely when my colleague Rachel
Feltmaninterviewed him for another study last summer:

"I've been studying aggression for about 30 years," he

said, "and I've seen that the most harmful belief that a
person can have is that they're superior to others. 'Men
are better than women, my race is better than your race,
my religion is superior to your religion.' When people
believe they're better than other people, they act
accordingly."

He and Brummelman wrote in this paper: "Narcissistic

individuals feel superior to others, fantasize about
personal successes, and believe they deserve special
treatment. When they feel humiliated, they often lash out
aggressively or even violently."

So can anything be done to halt this process?

Brummelman said yes, both during the ages of 7 to 12,
when the sentiment develops, and later. "Perhaps we can
develop a way to help parents convey affection and
appreciation for a child without necessarily putting a child
on a pedestal, without telling the child he is better than
others," he said.

Take the overvaluation survey below and see how you

fare.
Are you raising nice
kids? A Harvard
psychologist gives 5
ways to raise them to
be kind
Earlier this year, I wrote about teaching empathy, and
whether you are a parent who does so. The idea behind
it is from Richard Weissbourd, a Harvard psychologist
with the graduate school of education, who runs
the Making Caring Common project, aimed to help teach
kids to be kind.
I know, youd think they are or that parents are teaching
that themselves, right? Not so, according to a new study
released by the group.
About 80 percent of the youth in the study said their
parents were more concerned with their achievement or
happiness than whether they cared for others. The
interviewees were also three times more likely to agree
that My parents are prouder if I get good grades in my
classes than if Im a caring community member in class
and school.

Weissbourd and his cohorts have come up with

recommendations about how to raise children to
become caring, respectful and responsible adults. Why
is this important? Because if we want our children to be
moral people, we have to, well, raise them that way.

Children are not born simply good or bad and we

should never give up on them. They need adults who
will help them become caring, respectful, and
responsible for their communities at every stage of their
childhood, the researchers write.
The five strategies to raise moral, caring children,
according to Making Caring Common:

1. Make caring for others a priority

Why?

Parents tend to prioritize their childrens happiness and

achievements over their childrens concern for others.
But children need to learn to balance their needs with
the needs of others, whether its passing the ball to a
teammate or deciding to stand up for friend who is
being bullied.

How?

Children need to hear from parents that caring for

others is a top priority. A big part of that is holding
children to high ethical expectations, such as honoring
their commitments, even if it makes them unhappy. For
example, before kids quit a sports team, band, or a
friendship, we should ask them to consider their
obligations to the group or the friend and encourage
them to work out problems before quitting.

Try this

Instead of saying to your kids: The most important

thing is that youre happy, say The most important
thing is that youre kind.
Make sure that your older children always address
others respectfully, even when theyre tired, distracted,
or angry.
Emphasize caring when you interact with other key
adults in your childrens lives. For example, ask teachers
whether your children are good community members at
school.
2. Provide opportunities for children to practice
caring and gratitude

Why?

Its never too late to become a good person, but it wont

happen on its own. Children need to practice caring for
others and expressing gratitude for those who care for
them and contribute to others lives. Studies show that
people who are in the habit of expressing gratitude are
more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and
forgivingand theyre also more likely to be happy and
healthy.

How?

Learning to be caring is like learning to play a sport or

an instrument. Daily repetitionwhether its a helping a
friend with homework, pitching in around the house, or
having a classroom jobmake caring second nature and
develop and hone youths caregiving capacities.
Learning gratitude similarly involves regularly practicing
it.

Try this

Dont reward your child for every act of helpfulness,

such as clearing the dinner table. We should expect our
kids to help around the house, with siblings, and with
neighbors and only reward uncommon acts of kindness.
Talk to your child about caring and uncaring acts they
see on television and about acts of justice and injustice
they might witness or hear about in the news.
Make gratitude a daily ritual at dinnertime, bedtime, in
the car, or on the subway. Express thanks for those who
contribute to us and others in large and small ways.
3. Expand your childs circle of concern.

Why?

Almost all children care about a small circle of their

families and friends. Our challenge is help our children
learn to care about someone outside that circle, such as
the new kid in class, someone who doesnt speak their
language, the school custodian, or someone who lives in
a distant country.

How?

Children need to learn to zoom in, by listening closely

and attending to those in their immediate circle, and to
zoom out, by taking in the big picture and considering
the many perspectives of the people they interact with
daily, including those who are vulnerable. They also
need to consider how their
decisions, such as quitting a sports team or a band, can
ripple out and harm various members of their
communities. Especially in our more global world,
children need to develop concern for people who live in
very different cultures and communities than their own.

Try this

Make sure your children are friendly and grateful with

all the people in their daily lives, such as a bus driver or
a waitress.
Encourage children to care for those who are
vulnerable. Give children some simple ideas for stepping
into the caring and courage zone, like comforting a
classmate who was teased.
Use a newspaper or TV story to encourage your child
to think about hardships faced by children in another
country.
4. Be a strong moral role model and mentor.

Why?

Children learn ethical values by watching the actions of

adults they respect. They also learn values by thinking
through ethical dilemmas with adults, e.g. Should I
invite a new neighbor to my birthday party when my
best friend doesnt like her?

How?

Being a moral role model and mentor means that we

need to practice honesty, fairness, and caring ourselves.
But it doesnt mean being perfect all the time. For our
children to respect and trust us, we need to
acknowledge our mistakes and flaws. We also need to
respect childrens thinking and listen
to their perspectives, demonstrating to them how we
want them to engage others.

Try this:

Model caring for others by doing community service at

least once a month. Even better, do this service with
your child.
Give your child an ethical dilemma at dinner or ask
your child about dilemmas theyve faced.
5. Guide children in managing destructive feelings

Why?

Often the ability to care for others is overwhelmed by

anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings.

How?

We need to teach children that all feelings are okay, but

some ways of dealing with them are not helpful.
Children need our help learning to cope with these
feelings in productive ways.

Try this

Heres a simple way to teach your kids to calm down:

ask your child to stop, take a deep breath through the
nose and exhale through the mouth, and count to five.
Practice when your child is calm. Then, when you see
her getting upset, remind her about the steps and do
them with her. After a while shell start to do it on her
own so that she can express her feelings in a helpful and
appropriate way.