Excerpt from The Magic Years by Selma H.

Fraiberg
A method of childrearing is not-or should not be-a whim, a fashion or a shibboleth. It
should derive from an understanding of the developing child, of his physical and
mental equipment at any given stage and, therefore, his readiness at any given stage to
adapt, to learn, to regulate his behavior according to parental expectations.
If we follow these principles, we can see that there is not a method of child rearing but
a method for this particular child at this particular stage in his development. From this
we can see that a method that is indicated for one stage of development may be
completely unsuited for another stage of development. For example, the principle
underlying our care of the infant in the first few months is one of total gratification of
need. But if we apply this principle to the rearing of the two year old or the still older
child we would be rearing a self-centered, extremely dependant, ill-mannered child.
The difference clearly is the equipment of the infant and equipment of the older child.
We satisfy, as far as possible, all needs of the tiny infant because he is completely
dependant and has no means for controlling his own urges. But as the childs physical
and mental equipment matures he is able more and more to take over the regulation of
his own body needs and to control his impulses. As his readiness for self-control
gradually reveals itself, we increase our expectations for him and alter our methods
accordingly.
A very large number of the problems that appear in infancy and childhood appear at
the juncture points of new developmental phases. As we saw in the proceeding
chapter, each of the major phases of development in infancy brings forth new
problems for the child and for his parents. The emergence of a strong love bond
between the baby and his mother produces a period of anxiety at separation in the
child. The onset of independent locomotion, the striving for the upright posture,
produces its own anxieties and typical behavior problems whenever body activity is
interfered with. Body independence in the second year and the emerging sense of an
independent self bring forth a period of negativism. The cultural demands of weaning
and toilet training in the second year create their own problems for the pleasure-loving
child who is now expected more and more to meet externally imposed demands.
Each child reacts in his own way to the problems presented by new phases of
development. There may be transitory disturbances of eating or sleeping or disorders
of behavior that accompany any of these phases. For these reasons it no longer makes
sense to speak of feeding problems or sleep problems or negative behavior as if
they were distinct categories, but to speak of problems of development and to
search for the meaning of feeding and sleep disturbances or behavior disorders in the
developmental phase which has produced them. If we employ this approach we will
find that these disturbances have special significance for each developmental phase
and we are in a much better position to understand them and to find methods of
dealing with them.

Excerpted from: Fraiberg, S. H. (1959). The magic years (pp. 75-76). New York: Fireside.
 Socialization, Guidance and Discipline
with Infants and Toddlers

Definitions

Socialization and Guidance:

To share rules for living through example,

demonstration, explanation and focusing
attention

Discipline:

The enforcement of rules and the carrying

out of consequence for transgression of rules

Developed by J. Ronald Lally. WestEd, The Program for Infant/Toddler Care. May be reproduced for
educational purposes.
 Factors That Create Discipline Problems

Too high expectations for self-control

Too little space or too much open space
Too few materials or too little equipment
Materials or equipment that is too challenging or too simple
A lot of waiting time
Inflexible routines, spaces, schedules, and people
Too little order or predictability
Too much change
Too many temptations
Too much noise
Excessive requirements for sharing
Long or frequent periods of sitting still
Too much looking or listening time (v. being directly involved)

DISCIPLINE STRATEGIES
(Techniques for when child is engaged in harmful behavior)
DO:
Be consistent and flexible (age, temperament)
Tell child to STOP firmly and at close range
Give brief reasons why behavior is unacceptable
State and model acceptable behavior
Concretely help children stop doing unacceptable behavior
Offer children reasonable choices when choice is acceptable
Avoid implying choice when there is none
Recognize/acknowledge childs feelings with language
Clarify that it is not child but childs behavior that is unacceptable
Use redirection, logical consequences, or Cool-Out Time
Seek help if you are about to lose control

DO NOT:
Shame or humiliate child
Physically indicate your disapproval
Say bad boy/girl; avoid good boy/girl for acceptable behavior
Moralize or let too much anger come through
Use NO too often
Use bribes, false threats, and false choices
Use food or scheduled activities as re-enforcers
Retaliate against children
Make children say sorry
Developed by Brenda Jones-Hardin. WestEd, The Program for Infant/Toddler Care.
May be reproduced for educational purposes.
 Guidance and Discipline with Infants
and Toddlers

Prevention

Prevention: To Promote the Optimal Social Development of All Children

Positive, intimate relationship with caregiver

Consistent message of unconditional caring toward child
Adapt environment to needs of individuals and group
Arrange spaces to decrease stress
Address home and community environmental issues
Clear, simple, consistent, predictable rules and consequences
One-on-one special time with caregiver for every child
Understand unique needs and coping capacities of each child
Redirect inappropriate behavior
Appreciate and encourage pro-social behavior
Promote empathy and caring among children
Give children words to express emotions
Caregiver nearby and attentive
Caregiver model of appropriate behavior
Focus on dos instead of donts
Offer choices and respect preferences
Share concerns firmly about hurting and other inappropriate behaviors
Help children make connections between behaviors and consequences
Avoid power struggles; choose battles wisely
Refrain from shaming children
BE PATIENT

Adapted from: Lally, J.R. (Ed.). (1990). Infant/toddler caregiving: A guide to social-emotional growth and
socialization (62-80). Sacramento, CA: California Department of Education. This document may be
reproduced for educational purposes.
 Guidance and Discipline with
Infants and Toddlers

Context & Intervention Strategies

Toddler Developmental Issues Related to Socialization (15-36 months)

Emergence of a complex sense of self

Autonomy and independence
Separation/individuation
Child goal diverges from parent goal

Increasing physical/motor abilities

Engaging in unsafe activities
Ability to hurt others

Advanced cognitive/language development

Use language instead of action to express feelings
Can understand rules and consequences
Increased memory to retain information about rules
Internalize parental image
Beginning to internalize parental standards

Imposition of social standards onto child - civilizing

Toilet-training
Eating at table at mealtime
Compliance with adults
Cultural mandates

Environmental Issues Affecting Socialization

Contamination of uterine environment

Substance exposure
Malnutrition
Exposure to infectious diseases
Maternal psychological functioning

Compromised entry into extra uterine environment

Prematurely
Delivery complications

Developed by Brenda Jones Harden. WestEd, The Program for Infant/Toddler Care.
This document may be reproduced for educational purposes.
 Neonatal illness
Prolonged hospital stays
Abandonment

Family ecology
Multiple caretakers/moves
Unresponsive, non-contingent parent
Under- or over-stimulating household
Parent psychopathology
Parental substance use
Family violence

Larger ecologies
Community violence
Neighborhood deterioration
Limited resources
Lack of community role models and providers of guidance
Impact of pervasive poverty
The influence of cultural prescriptions

Managing Behavior

Review with parents/caregivers details of behavior problems ( develop a diary

documenting behaviors including antecedents, timing, affect, etc.)

Develop individualized plan based on specific childs needs

Consensus between parent and caregiver re: strategies

Focus on positive behaviors

Create of ritual that provide predictability and opportunities for self-practice

Incorporate times for self-regulation (quiet) in plan

Provide for special time with parents to follow childs lead

Devise procedures relevant to specific problem

Temper tantrums: ignore unless safety is concerned
Sleeping: attend to child while s/he remains in bed
Feeding: provide preferred foods, minimize activity/talking
Toileting: not shaming; child helps to clean up

Seek mental health consultation when behaviors persist

2
 Intervention: To Address the Needs of Children Who Present Inappropriate
Behaviors

Primary caregiver as provider of external regulation

Be with and hold child who escalates beyond control

Provide child with opportunities to practice self-regulation

Maintain predictability; over prepare child for transitions

Overstate social signals (facial expression, vocal tone, gestures, affect)

Provide increased physical and psychological structure

Attend closely to childs verbal and nonverbal cues

Provide verbal feedback to child re: feelings/behaviors

Provide alternative modes for child to express affect (e.g., symbolic and motor play;
reading relevant stories, etc.)
Consistency between home and program re: strategies to address childs behavioral
difficulties

Staff should de-brief at end of day together and with childs parent regarding what
worked and did not work with child

3
 Discipline For Young Children

Developmentally appropriate

Focused on specific behavior

Accompanied by language i

Immediate

Consistent (across settings, times, caregivers)

Flexible (based on level of transgression)

Planned (behavior should be anticipated)

Emotionally neutral

Culturally acceptable (may need to negotiate)

Intervention strategies were adapted from the following resources:

Forehand, R., & McMahon, R. (1981). Helping The Noncompliant Child. New York: Guilford.

Lieberman, A. (1993). The Emotional Life Of A Toddler. New York: Free Press.

Lyman, R. & Hembree-Kigan, T. (1994). Mental Health Interventions With Pre-School Aged Children.
New York: Plenum Press.

Provence, S. (1985). Helping Young Children Channel Their Aggressive Energies. Zero to Three, 5(5),
unpaginated insert.

Sheridan, M. Foley, G. & Radinski, S. (1995). The Supportive Play Model. New York: Teachers College
Press.

4
 Guidance and Discipline with Infants
and Toddlers in Group Care

Resource List

Books
Bredekamp, S. & Copple, C. (1997). Developmentally Appropriate Practice: Practice in
Early Childhood Programs, revised edition. Washington, DC: National
Association for the Education of Young Children.

Cohen. D, Stern, V. & Ballban, N. (1997). Observing and Recording the Behavior of
Young Children. New York: Teachers College Press.

Galinsky, E. (1989). Between Generations: The Six Stages of Parenthood. New York:
Addison Wesley.

Gonzalez-Mena, J. & Widmeyer Eyer, D. (2001). Infants, Toddlers and Caregivers.

Mountain View, CA: Mayfield Publishing Company.

Kaplan, L.J. (1978). Oneness and Separateness: From Infant to Individual. New York:
Simon & Schuster.

Lieberman, A.F. (1995). Emotional Life of the Toddler. New York: Simon & Schuster.

Stonehouse, A. (1988). Trusting Toddlers: Planning for One to Three Year Olds in Child
Care Centers. St. Paul, MN: Redleaf Press.

Van Der Zande, I. (1993). 1, 2, 3, The Toddler Years: A Practical Guide for Parents and
Caregivers. Santa Cruz, CA: Santa Cruz Infant Toddler Center.

Article
Wittmer, D. (1992, March) Children Who Bite. New York: Scholastic Early Childhood
Today.

Developed by J. Ronald Lally. WestEd, The Program for Infant/Toddler Care.

This document may be reproduced for educational purposes.