This Is The Moment When Your Heartbreak Will End

Its fascinating how much of a strong filter that heartbreak can have on your life.
What was beautiful and perfect and colorful yesterday or last week or last year is
now dull and empty and meaningless and ugly to look at.

Heartbreak is powerful. And at some point, it stops becoming an emotion, a

feeling, a phase that youre just going through right now.

Instead, it becomes like a gas that fills up your entire body. Theres no end in
sight. It always seems to be expanding. Getting stronger. Filling up the space in
your veins and your stomach and your head.

You wake up with it, you go to bed with it, and in the hours in-between that you
have to fill, its your constant companion. Sitting with you when you drink your
coffee in the morning. Vibrating behind your eyelids while youre sitting at work
trying not to cry. Tapping on your brain every time you try to open a book to get
away from it, just for a second.

Heartbreak, when its strong and severely crippling, can take on a life form youve
never seen before. It affects the way you look at the world, it affects the way that
you have fun, it seeps into the light moments that you try to have with your
friends and reminds you that, no, laughter is not something that belongs in your
life right now. You should be sad.

Youre mourning right now. Its absolutely different from the sadness that you feel
during a tragedy, or during the loss of a loved one. But it is still sadness in its own
way. It is still a loss in its own way.

Youre mourning the loss of what could have been. Youre mourning the fact that,
at least for a little while, you thought you had found your person. You felt so
happy and filled up and peaceful and you thought, this is it. This is what
everyone was talking about.

You had someone to come home to at night. Someone to think about when the
days were long and you were nervous about your job or your future or your grad
school exams or your family troubles. This person didnt get rid of your problems
for you. But they helped you deal with them. They were like an energy around
you difficulties could still creep through the shield, but they were less terrifying
when you knew you had someone by your side.

And then in an instant, that all evaporated. Whether it was your choice or theirs
or a mutual decision, it stings and consumes you and convinces you that this is
all youll ever be able to think about for the rest of your life. This is your story a
happiness and then a breakup and then a never-ending bout of loneliness and
depression that youll never get away from.
You try to move on. You do the things you see in movie montages where the sad
person is fixing themselves you go on runs and you show up at happy hours
and birthday parties and maybe you even go on a few dates. You try to smile,
and to let out breaths of satisfaction, and to do anything else youve seen on a
screen that supposedly signify that you are now okay.

But none of it works. And youre still heartbroken.

Thats because this is real life and there is no switch. Theres no audience
planted in seats with bowls of popcorn, watching your movie for an hour and fifty-
two minutes. Your life is not going to follow a setup:problem:climax:resolution
storyline.

You will not have an aha, Im all better now! moment because those dont exist in
real life. We dont heal in one perfect scene, on the top of a hill overlooking a city
skyline.

We heal in little moments that we dont even notice. One night, you fall
asleep without dwelling on the fact that you didnt say good night to them. You
dont even realize this happened, because youre back at it the next night,
tossing and turning and reminiscing on the times when you used to kiss each
other good night or murmur sweetly on the phone. But still, that other night
happened. The one where you just fell asleep without any sadness or dwelling.
And another night like that will happen soon. And eventually, at some point, the
normal nights will outweigh the sadness nights.

You will put yourself back together in bits and pieces. You will learn to enjoy your
hobbies again. You will find new hobbies. You will watch the old shows you two
used to watch together, you will watch new shows. You will still have days where
you want to cry at work, and you will have other days where youre too busy to
even think about them.

Little by little, you will be okay. But thats why heartbreak is so hard because
its little by little. So little, in fact, that it often feels like youre not making any
progress. It feels like heartbreak is your fate and you might as well get used to it,
because nothing is apparently changing.

You cannot go to bed each night wondering if tomorrow is THE DAY the day
where you will wake up and be okay again! Thats not how it works, because
tomorrow is not a plot point in your character arc. Tomorrow is just tomorrow.

But tomorrow is also another tiny piece in the little by little way that you are
healing. Its not noticeable, it doesnt cause any significant change in your life.
But its another day that you will wake up, and do stuff, and talk to people, and
keep on living. Its one more piece of proof in the argument that your life will go
on without them.
Its okay to feel shitty for a while. Just as long as you dont get caught up in the
idea that it will be like this forever. Because it wont. Things will change. You will
begin to become happier. You just wont notice the change happening.

And then, one day, youre sitting in your office chair, and there are no longer tears
vibrating behind your eyelids. You dont even notice this fact. All you know is that
youre doing your work. And youre going to happy hour later. And youre going to
laugh without feeling weird about it. The world is still moving. Your life is still
happening. Youre okay. You will be okay