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{\rtf1{\info{\title Der unsichtbare Apfel: Roman (German Edition)}{\author Gwisd

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s1 \afs32
Dieser Satz ist wahr.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s1
\afs32
{\qc
{\b
Vorgeschichte}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor war ein unkonzentriertes Kind.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Konzentration schien ihm erm\u252?dend und eng. Alles, was eine gewisse Gr\u246?
\u223?e unterschritt, wie beispielsweise Schrift in einem Buch, war m\u252?hsam
f\u252?r ihn anzusehen. Manchmal zwang er sich, auf einen einzelnen Punkt zu sta
rren, auf einen Fleck oder einen kleinen Riss in der Tapete, und so lange wie m\
u246?glich nicht von ihm abzuweichen. Aber es dauerte meist nur ein paar Sekunde
n, bis das Bild vor ihm verschwamm und seine Augen eine unwillk\u252?rliche Bewe
gung zur Seite machen mussten.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Immer wieder rutschte seine Konzentration an der Welt und ihren Ereignissen ab w
ie an einem nassen Felsen und auch die Menschen nahm er meist nur verschwommen w
ahr. Sein Geist war wie ein Schwarm Fische, dachte er oft, und weder hatte er ei
n Netz, um ihn zu fangen, noch einen K\u246?der, um ihn zu locken, er bewegte si
ch nach eigenen Gesetzen und Igor blieb nichts weiter \u252?brig, als ihm zu fol
gen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Nur wenn es ihm gelang, nicht nach ihm zu greifen, zog der Schwarm ihn an Orte,
die sch\u246?n waren und ihn entspannten. Dann stieg oft eine bebende Freude in
ihm auf und sein K\u246?rper geriet in eine derartige Hitze, dass es f\u252?r se
ine Eltern fast ein wenig beunruhigend war. Ohne ersichtlichen Grund lachte er i
n den unpassendsten Momenten auf und konnte meist f\u252?r eine Weile nicht mehr
damit aufh\u246?ren.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor rannte viel umher, um Dinge anzufassen. B\u228?ume, Tiere, Menschen, Gr\u22
8?ser, Autos, Tische, St\u252?hle \u8211? alles musste er ber\u252?hren, um zu \
u252?berpr\u252?fen, ob es tats\u228?chlich da war. Er war misstrauisch gegen\u2
52?ber der Welt und oft glaubte er erst an die Dinge, wenn seine H\u228?nde auf
ihnen lagen. Seine Finger waren sensibler als seine Augen und er konnte den K\u2
46?rper und die Beschaffenheit eines Objektes, einer Pflanze oder eines Menschen
nur dann ganz erfassen, wenn er sie ber\u252?hrte. Wenn er die Welt anfassen du
rfte, wurde sie klar, und wenn er gerade nichts in den H\u228?nden hielt, war er
oft in Gedanken versunken, als w\u252?rde er nach der L\u246?sung eines unsicht
baren Problems suchen. Seine Augen wurden glasig und man musste laut seinen Name
n rufen, um ihn zur\u252?ckzuholen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Eines Nachts rieb er sein Gesicht mit Erde ein und stellte sich still in das Sch
lafzimmer seiner Eltern. Als sie erwachten, erschraken sie, und auf die Frage, w
arum er das tat, wusste er keine Antwort.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Mit f\u252?nf stellte er zum ersten Mal fest, dass er stattfand. Es erstaunte ih
n. Gar nicht so sehr die Erkenntnis an sich, sondern dass es ihm vorher anschein
end nicht aufgefallen war. An der Feststellung war nichts, was man in aufwendige
re Worte fassen konnte. Er sa\u223? auf dem Teppich und stellte voller Ersch\u25
2?tterung fest, dass er passierte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Wenn die D\u228?mmerung hereinbrach, lief er oft durch die Stra\u223?en und erfr
eute sich an den Laternen und an den schreienden Schwalben.\par\pard\plain\hyphp
ar} {
Igor konnte sich nicht entscheiden, was er vom Leben halten sollte. Manchmal emp
fand er die Welt als Unsinn. Manchmal liebte er sie und ihre Bewohner so sehr, d
ass es ihn schmerzte. In solchen Momenten glaubte er schier zerplatzen zu m\u252
?ssen vor Freude dar\u252?ber, dass es die Welt gab.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Und doch kam es ihm unlogisch vor, dass sie da war. Logischer schien ihm, sie w\
u228?re nicht vorhanden. Irgendwo musste etwas sehr Seltsames vorgegangen sein u
nd er freute sich heimlich dar\u252?ber. Er fragte sich, ob die Erwachsenen von
dem Vorhandensein der Welt ebenso irritiert waren wie er. Ihre Selbstverst\u228?
ndlichkeit erstaunte ihn. Allein die Sprache, die sie benutzten, war ihm ein R\u
228?tsel. Alle nannten sie die Dinge beim selben Namen. Ein Ball war f\u252?r al
le ein Ball. Irgendjemand hatte eines Tages damit angefangen, einen Ball Ball zu
nennen, und alle waren damit einverstanden. Hatten sie sich dazu entschieden? E
s waren so viele Menschen und so viele Objekte, wie hatten sie alle \u252?berein
kommen k\u246?nnen? Gab es verfeindete Lager? Menschen, die Ball See nennen woll
ten und See Ball? Oder hatte sich der Ball seinen Namen am Ende selbst gegeben?
Das w\u228?re immerhin m\u246?glich. Die meisten Dinge schienen eine eigene Inte
lligenz zu besitzen und manchmal in einer guten und manchmal in einer schlechten
Stimmung zu sein. Um darauf eingehen zu k\u246?nnen, baute sich Igor einen Neut
ralisierungskasten aus einer Keksdose. Damit konnte er schlecht gelaunte Objekte
wie die Haarb\u252?rste seiner Mutter oder die Brieftasche seines Vaters emotio
nal entladen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Das Gute daran war, dass die Objekte es ihm dankten und er dadurch in jedem Raum
der Wohnung Freunde fand. Den Schrank, die Lampe, den Heizk\u246?rper, die Einw
eggl\u228?ser. Das Schlechte war, dass nun Verantwortung auf ihm lag und die Obj
ekte nicht in ihrer guten Stimmung blieben. Bald musste er t\u228?glich f\u252?r
gute Laune unter den Objekten sorgen und es \u252?berforderte ihn.\par\pard\pla
in\hyphpar} {
Manchmal lag er auf dem Boden des Wohnzimmers in einem Sonnenfleck und wurde von
einer tiefen R\u252?hrung erfasst. Der Teppich, die B\u252?cher, die Heizung, G
er\u228?usche aus der K\u252?che, Blumenvasen, der Kaffeerand auf der Tischdecke
, Vogelleichen auf der Stra\u223?e, Kindergeburtstage, der Geruch von Schr\u228?
nken und Gro\u223?m\u252?ttern, Turnschuhe, Teekannen, alles bewegte ihn und er
f\u252?hlte eine gro\u223?e Z\u228?rtlichkeit zu den Erscheinungsformen.\par\par
d\plain\hyphpar} {
Lange glaubte er, die Welt sei eine unglaublich raffinierte Konstruktion, die ve
rgessen hatte, wof\u252?r sie da war. Sie schien verlassen, wie ein Vergn\u252?g
ungspark, dessen Besitzer verschwunden waren, dessen Attraktionen aber noch blin
kten und der angef\u252?llt war mit Besuchern. Nur diejenigen, die den Park geba
ut hatten, waren nirgendwo zu finden.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Als er sechs wurde, biss er ein Nachbarskind in die Hand. Die beiden spielten Ve
rstecken und das Nachbarskind sagte im Scherz, er solle die Augen schlie\u223?en
und bis unendlich z\u228?hlen. Igor war der Ansicht, dass Unendlichkeit nichts
war, womit man Scherze trieb. Das Nachbarskind weinte bitterlich und Igor wurde
schwer gescholten. Er sch\u228?mte sich f\u252?r seine Reaktion und biss sich na
chts, w\u228?hrend er im Bett lag, heimlich selbst.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
An vielen Nachmittagen schlenderte er \u252?ber Hinterh\u246?fe und Wiesen und h
atte gro\u223?es Heimweh nach dem Ort, an dem er sich bereits befand.\par\pard\p
lain\hyphpar} {
Oft sprach er leise zum Universum und bot ihm seine Hilfe an. Er war der \u220?b
erzeugung, dass eine Zusammenarbeit f\u252?r beide von Vorteil sein m\u252?sste.
Doch das Universum schwieg und schickte ihm Zuf\u228?lle, die er nicht verstand
, und Aufgaben, die er nicht mochte. Es schien ihn testen zu wollen, bevor es se
ine Mitarbeit akzeptierte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
In diesen Momenten war es ihm, als f\u228?nde er nirgendwo Eingang. Dann wurden
die Dinge um ihn herum gespenstisch und grotesk. Sie beunruhigten ihn mit ihrer
penetranten Anwesenheit, die keine R\u252?cksicht darauf nahm, ob er selbst gera
de vorhanden war oder nicht.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Gern stieg er in heruntergekommene H\u228?user ein und suchte nach unsichtbaren
T\u252?ren. Mit Kreide malte er ovale Formen auf die W\u228?nde und versuchte, d
urch sie hindurchzugehen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor empfand Freude daran, Dinge zu sortieren. Haargummis, N\u228?gel, Kronkorke
n, Kastanien.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er meinte, eine Ordnung herstellen zu m\u252?ssen. Wenn es nur ein richtiges Sys
tem g\u228?be, in das er die Dinge in ihrer vorbestimmten Reihenfolge einf\u252?
gen k\u246?nnte, w\u252?rde alles wie von selbst in seine Funktion fallen. Aber
seine Konzentration war zu schwach.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er legte eine Schachtelsammlung an, die ihm sehr half. Allerdings sammelte er ab
dem Moment, in dem er begriff, dass Schachteln ihm halfen, die Dinge zu sortier
en, fortan nichts weiter als Schachteln und sortierte die kleineren in die gr\u2
46?\u223?eren.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Mit sieben wurde Igor eingeschult. Er entwickelte \u196?ngste vor Reptilien und
vor ungeraden Zahlen. Auch mochte er bestimmte geometrische Formen nicht. In Tre
ppenh\u228?usern musste er immer die ungeraden Stufen benutzen, gerade weil er A
ngst vor ihnen hatte. Er glaubte damit verhindern zu k\u246?nnen, dass sie ihm e
ntgegensprangen, um sich an ihm daf\u252?r zu r\u228?chen, dass sie ungerade war
en. Wenn er die Kante eines Glases oder einer Tasse ber\u252?hrt hatte, musste e
r ihren gesamten Rand abstreichen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er mochte es nicht, wenn etwas nicht in sich geschlossen war. Vor allem nicht Kr
eise. Sie \u252?bten eine fast dunkle Anziehung auf ihn aus. Er empfand sie als
m\u228?chtig und f\u252?rchtete sie ein wenig. Um sich mit ihnen anzufreunden, m
alte er so viele kleine Kreise auf ein Blatt Papier, wie darauf Platz fanden, un
d verbrannte es im Hof.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
In der Schule verstand er kaum etwas.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er begriff einfach nicht, worum es ging.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Manchmal stritten seine Eltern und er baute sich kleine R\u228?ume aus Kisten od
er W\u228?schek\u246?rben, in die er sich hineinfalten konnte. Er meinte sich se
lbst einsortieren zu m\u252?ssen. Igor sa\u223? lange darin, lauschte in die Sti
lle und hoffte, dass das Leben ihm die Aufl\u246?sung seines Scherzes zufl\u252?
stern w\u252?rde. Er verpasste das Mittag- und das Abendessen und manchmal wacht
e er irgendwo auf und wunderte sich, wie er dorthin gekommen war.\par\pard\plain
\hyphpar} {
Auch sein K\u246?rper war ihm ein R\u228?tsel. Er schien ihm wie ein Tier, das e
r bewohnte. Ein Tier, welches er z\u228?hmen und dressieren musste, um ihm Trick
s und Spiele beizubringen. Doch sein K\u246?rper war \u228?ngstlich, unbeholfen
und vergesslich. Er begleitete ihn misstrauisch und wunderte sich oft, wie besch
r\u228?nkt er war. Ungeschickt und laut stolperte er durch die Welt, er verwechs
elte vieles miteinander und lie\u223? Dinge fallen. Sein K\u246?rper war ein Idi
ot und er sch\u228?mte sich oft f\u252?r ihn.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er versuchte beruhigend zu ihm zu sprechen, um ihm nicht das Gef\u252?hl zu gebe
n, dass er ihn nicht mochte, und manches Mal h\u228?tte er ihn gern in den Arm g
enommen. Aber sein K\u246?rper lie\u223? sich nicht von ihm ber\u252?hren.\par\p
ard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor begann streng mit ihm zu werden. Einmal a\u223? er einen kleinen Stein, um
zu beobachten, wie er durch seinen Organismus wieder zum Vorschein getrieben wur
de. Er hielt seine Hand \u252?ber die Flamme einer Kerze und k\u228?mpfte gegen
den Schmerz, bis er sie zur\u252?ckziehen musste. Es war ihm unangenehm, von ihm
abh\u228?ngig zu sein.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Weder durfte Igor seinen K\u246?rper ganz betreten noch durfte er ihn ganz verla
ssen. Er musste ihn f\u252?ttern und zu Bett bringen, wenn er selbst gern noch g
espielt h\u228?tte, und wo immer er hinwollte, hielt sein K\u246?rper ihn fest u
mklammert wie ein \u228?ngstliches Kind.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Wenn er nur in ihn hineingleiten k\u246?nnte, um ihn von innen ein wenig auszude
hnen, ihn aufzurichten und gro\u223? werden zu lassen! Igor wollte abschweifen u
nd in die unendlichen Formen tauchen, die er sah und \u252?ber die er oft versun
ken nachdachte. Aber sein K\u246?rper schien ihm nicht folgen zu wollen.\par\par
d\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
In der Schule war Igor meist still.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er war bedacht, sich nicht \u252?berf\u252?hren zu lassen, auch wenn ihm nicht g
anz klar war, wobei. Vorsichtig versuchte er, die Scherze und Spiele der anderen
Sch\u252?ler mitzuspielen und zu erraten, was die Lehrer von ihm h\u246?ren wol
lten, wenn sie ihm Fragen stellten, die er nicht verstand. Je l\u228?nger er in
die Schule ging, desto w\u252?tender wurde er auf die Zeitverschwendung, die sie
darstellte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Auswendiglernen abstrakter Inhalte, Befolgen seltsamer Verhaltensregeln, nie end
en wollendes Wiederholen unwesentlicher Themen. Nicht nur dass die Schule nichts
trainierte, was er brauchte, auch war sie verkr\u252?mmend und sparte das Wesen
tliche aus.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Einmal bat er um eine Unterredung mit dem Direktor seiner Grundschule. Igor betr
at sein B\u252?ro und schlug ihm vor, dass es ein Fach geben sollte, welches mit
verbundenen Augen abgehalten w\u252?rde. Er sagte, dass er nun schon zwei Jahre
zum Unterricht komme, aber nichts finden k\u246?nne, was den Tastsinn oder das
Geh\u246?r trainiere. Auch sein Geruchssinn werde nicht ge\u252?bt, geschweige d
enn die F\u228?higkeit, mit Tieren zu sprechen. Dar\u252?ber hinaus m\u252?sse d
as lange Sitzen aufh\u246?ren, da es hochgradig ungesund sei, und er verlangte z
u wissen, ob sich das ab der dritten Klasse \u228?ndern w\u252?rde. Der Direktor
lachte und schenkte ihm eine S\u252?\u223?igkeit.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Mit zehn war er \u252?berzeugt, dass er von einem anderen Ort auf die Erde gekom
men und dabei ein Unfall passiert war, infolgedessen er sich nicht mehr an seine
Herkunft erinnern konnte. Er unterrichtete seine Umwelt davon, aber diese konnt
e sich auch nicht daran erinnern.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor malte sich einen Kreis auf die Stirn, brach abends in das Schulgeb\u228?ude
ein und schrieb \u187?Vorsicht!\u171? auf alle Tafeln.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}
{
Einmal schrie er einen Lehrer an, entschuldigte sich aber sogleich wieder, denn
er mochte es nicht, Menschen anzuschreien. Die meisten seiner Mitsch\u252?ler ig
norierten ihn oder machten sich \u252?ber ihn lustig und er wusste nicht, ob er
ihnen zu viel oder zu wenig war.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er konnte Menschen schwer einsch\u228?tzen und nahm sie manchmal nicht und manch
mal viel zu ernst.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
An einem Wintertag schraubte er das K\u252?chenradio seiner Eltern auseinander,
sah sich die Einzelteile an und \u252?berlegte, was sie wohl zu bedeuten hatten.
Er war fasziniert von der Tatsache, dass es ein Ger\u228?t war, welches man auf
unterschiedliche Frequenzen einstellen konnte, die, wie seine Eltern sagten, un
sichtbar durch die Luft vibrierten, um dann klar verst\u228?ndlich Sprache und M
usik wiederzugeben. Ganze Orchester schwebten unh\u246?rbar durch den Raum. Und
dann auch noch mehrere gleichzeitig. Wie viel Platz in der Luft sein musste!\par
\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er fragte sich, wie die anderen Menschen es schafften, so unbeteiligt zu wirken.
Die wenigsten schienen zu genie\u223?en, dass sie am Leben waren. Jedes Reh, je
der Vogel strahlte Gelassenheit aus. Der Mensch jedoch hatte oft eine merkw\u252
?rdige Verzerrtheit und Trauer in seinem Blick.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er mochte das Leben und er mochte auch seine Unwegsamkeiten, aber je \u228?lter
er wurde, desto weniger konnte er sich erkl\u228?ren, warum alles war. Zu diesem
Zeitpunkt dachte er noch, dass man so etwas wohl erkl\u228?rt bek\u228?me, wenn
man \u228?lter w\u252?rde, aber als er herausfand, dass die Erwachsenen, die ih
m sagten, wann er zu essen und zu schlafen habe, wann er aufh\u246?ren m\u252?ss
e zu spielen und wann er sich waschen solle, dies ebenfalls nicht wussten, wurde
er verwirrt. Wie konnte das sein? Es st\u246?rte ihn und trieb ihn in eine tief
e Verstimmung. Er mochte die meisten Erwachsenen, aber es kam ihm l\u228?cherlic
h vor, dass sie existierten, ohne zu verstehen, warum. Dass das Leben \u252?berh
aupt existierte, war schon merkw\u252?rdig genug, aber dass dieses Leben Mensche
n hervorbrachte, die zwar aus ihm erwuchsen, aber keinerlei Anhaltspunkte f\u252
?r die Begr\u252?ndung dieser Sachlage zu haben schienen, war grotesk und inakze
ptabel. \u220?ber die kleinlichsten Fragen unterhielten sie sich ganze Wochen. K
\u252?nstliche Landschaften aus Missverst\u228?ndnissen und Eifers\u252?chteleie
n, Hin- und Herschieben abstrakter Zahlengebilde und K\u228?mpfe um unsichtbare
Positionen. Wie jemand aussah, was er trug oder wie er sprach, schien von immens
er Wichtigkeit. Er fand es befremdlich, aber doch gab es etwas in ihm, was die L
eidenschaft bewunderte, mit der die Menschen ihre K\u228?mpfe austrugen. Sie wir
kten so \u252?berzeugt von der Wichtigkeit ihres Tuns, dass es fast ansteckend w
ar.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor kam in die Pubert\u228?t und mit ihr fing er an, bestimmte Dinge nicht mehr
zu m\u246?gen. Bisher mochte er sehr viel, doch nun \u252?berkam ihn eine pl\u2
46?tzliche Abneigung gegen\u252?ber Dingen, die von zu vielen anderen Menschen g
emocht wurden. Ihr M\u246?gen kam ihm wahllos vor und viele schienen bestimmte D
inge nur zu m\u246?gen, weil viele andere sie mochten. Dann lernte er andere Men
schen kennen, die ebenfalls Dinge nicht mochten, weil sie von vielen anderen gem
ocht wurden, und fing an, es nicht zu m\u246?gen, wenn Leute etwas nicht mochten
, nur weil es von vielen anderen gemocht wurde. Er war verwirrt und mochte eine
Zeit lang das M\u246?gen nicht mehr.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Bald mochte er es aber nicht mehr, das M\u246?gen nicht zu m\u246?gen. M\u246?ge
n war sch\u246?n, nur seine Pubert\u228?t empfand es als albern und so fing er a
n, eine Mischform aus Neutralit\u228?t und Gutwilligkeit zu entwickeln, die sich
ein wenig wie M\u246?gen anf\u252?hlte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Als auch das nicht gelang, gab er auf, \u252?ber das M\u246?gen nachzudenken. Na
chdenken schien ihm kindisch und seine Pubert\u228?t entwickelte eine Abneigung
dagegen. Allerdings mochte er nicht, dass er etwas nicht mochte, und mochte dann
auch wieder das Nachdenken.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er schwieg eine Weile und bekam Ausschlag.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Manchmal geriet er in Angstzust\u228?nde, in denen er seinen Unterk\u246?rper ni
cht mehr sp\u252?rte. Seine Muskeln waren gespannt, seine Haut f\u252?hlte sich
taub an und das lange Sitzen in der Schule machte ihn aggressiv.\par\pard\plain\
hyphpar} {
Immer mehr qu\u228?lten ihn Fragen, die ihm niemand beantworten wollte, und er b
egann zu verstehen, dass sich das nicht so schnell \u228?ndern w\u252?rde. Sein
erstes, wahrhaft zerm\u252?rbendes R\u228?tsel war die Frage nach der Unendlichk
eit. Er konnte sie sich einfach nicht vorstellen. Aber er konnte sich auch nicht
vorstellen, dass es sie nicht gab. Dies ver\u228?rgerte ihn. Wieso konnte er si
ch etwas nicht vorstellen, dessen Gegenteil er sich ebenfalls nicht vorstellen k
onnte?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Unendlichkeit von Raum und Zeit, dass schon immer etwas war, war einfach nicht m
\u246?glich. Das Gegenteil jedoch, dass irgendwann nichts war und aus dem Nichts
dann pl\u246?tzlich etwas geboren wurde, war ebenfalls nicht vorstellbar. Wie s
ollte denn aus dem Nichts etwas entstanden sein? Dann m\u252?sste dieses Nichts
ja etwas sein, das etwas hervorbringen konnte, und somit konnte es nicht nichts
sein.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er stellte sich die Unendlichkeit mithilfe einer niemals endenden roten Linie vo
r, die er aus seiner Hand in den Himmel dachte. Wenn das Universum unendlich war
, musste diese Linie es auch sein. Das Leben hatte keinen Rand. Es ging immer we
iter.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer immer immer immer immer\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
immer immer immer.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Dann h\u246?rte er eines Tages, dass das Universum sehr wohl einen Rand hatte un
d sich sogar ausdehnte. Er war perplex. Dies musste wohl falsch sein, dachte er,
denn in nichts k\u246?nnte sich ja auch nichts hineinbewegen. Dass der Raum lee
r war, in den das Universum hineinwuchs, war zwar vorstellbar, aber der war ja d
ann nicht nichts, sondern lediglich leer, und er musste dann auch immerhin unend
lich und randlos sein.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Es ergab keinen Sinn, aus welchem Winkel er es auch betrachtete.\par\pard\plain\
hyphpar} {
Lange w\u228?lzte er sich in dieser Frage hin und her und kam zu dem Schluss, da
ss das ganze Leben unlogisch war und er es nicht l\u228?nger als existent akzept
ieren wollte. Er fiel in eine finstere Verneinung der Welt. Irgendetwas lief fur
chtbar falsch und keiner wollte es zugeben. Viele sagten lachend, dass man keine
Antworten auf diese Fragen finden k\u246?nne oder m\u252?sse, was ihn ma\u223?l
os w\u252?tend machte. Wie sinnlos, stumpf und idiotisch kam ihm alles vor, unmu
tig ihrem R\u228?tsel ergeben waren die Menschen, unm\u252?ndig, wenn sie meinte
n, sie seien selbst nicht dazu in der Lage, die Antwort zu finden. Warum sollte
man nicht dazu in der Lage sein, die Antwort auf eine Frage zu finden, die man i
n der Lage war zu stellen? Dies w\u228?re im h\u246?chsten Ma\u223?e unfunktiona
l und er sch\u228?tzte die Natur nicht so unpraktisch ein. Sie schien schon zu w
issen, worauf sie hinauswollte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Und so kam er zu dem Schluss, dass er und alle anderen etwas \u252?bersehen muss
ten. Nur was? Er konnte sich noch immer schlecht konzentrieren und seine Gedanke
n und Vorstellungen waren gegen\u252?ber seinem Fokus wie gleichpolige Magnete:
Je n\u228?her er sie heranzuziehen versuchte, desto gr\u246?\u223?er wurde die K
raft, die sie abstie\u223?.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Viele sch\u246?ne Theorien waren in seinem Kopf, aber jeder Griff nach ihnen f\u
252?hrte zu einem Wegschnellen und einer Verwirbelung. Und doch kamen sie immer
wieder wie Rehe an die Lichtung seines Verstandes und grasten scheu und still. E
r konnte sie aus den Augenwinkeln beobachten und ihre Gr\u246?\u223?e und Gestal
t erahnen. Gern h\u228?tte er mit ihnen gespielt, sie gef\u252?ttert, sich mit i
hnen unterhalten und w\u228?re vielleicht sogar, dies war sein gr\u246?\u223?ter
Wunsch, auf ihnen geritten. Aber sobald er sie direkt ansah oder sich ihnen n\u
228?herte, schnellten sie weg und verschwanden tief im Wald seines Geistes.\par\
pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er verstand nicht, warum seine Gedanken von so sch\u246?ner Gestalt waren, aber
anscheinend nicht von ihm ergriffen werden wollten. Sie schienen ihn zu \u228?rg
ern. Weder konnte er ihnen befehlen noch sie fangen. Zu spitz waren seine Gedank
en. Alles nahm er in einzelnen Punkten wahr, aus denen er ein gr\u246?\u223?eres
Bild zu formen versuchte, aber immer wieder fiel es in sich zusammen.\par\pard\
plain\hyphpar} {
Das R\u228?tsel der Unendlichkeit war zu komplex, um es mit einem solchen Geist
umgreifen zu k\u246?nnen, und wenn er es l\u246?sen wollte, musste er ihn wohl v
er\u228?ndern. Mein Geist muss eine Fl\u228?che werden, dachte er. Eine gro\u223
?e Fl\u228?che, in die ich das R\u228?tsel hineinlegen kann wie einen Salzstein
in ein Wasserbad, sodass es sich von selbst darin aufl\u246?st.\par\pard\plain\h
yphpar} {
Und so \u252?bte er, eine Fl\u228?che zu werden.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Immer \u246?fter starrte er seine Zimmerdecke an und versuchte, nicht nur einzel
ne Details zu erhaschen, sondern breit zu sehen, indem er leicht mit den Augen n
ach au\u223?en schielte. Er wollte die Zimmerdecke als Ganzes sehen. Noch immer
sprang seine Pupille von Detail zu Detail, von Fleck zu Fleck, und wenn er die A
ugen schloss, um sich an das Bild zu erinnern, war da ebenfalls nur eine Ansamml
ung verschleierter Fragmente und Farbtupfer. Er musste einsehen, dass es tief in
seinem Wesen verankert war abzuschweifen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Aus Frustration dar\u252?ber versuchte er eines Nachmittags, als er auf dem Bett
lag, nicht mehr eine Fl\u228?che, sondern das Abschweifen von ihr anzustarren.
Es gelang ihm nicht recht und so versuchte er, den Versuch, das Abschweifen anzu
starren, anzustarren. Als er des Starrens m\u252?de wurde, versuchte er es mit S
chauen. Schauen kam ihm weicher vor, f\u252?hrte aber dazu, dass er schnell verg
a\u223?, was er gerade tat, und anfing abzuschweifen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Als er jedoch begann zuzuschauen, wie er verga\u223?, den Versuch des Anstarrens
des Abschweifens anzustarren, passierte pl\u246?tzlich etwas. Er gelangte zu ei
ner Mischform aus schauen und schweifen, was f\u252?r kurze Momente ein starkes
Zucken in seinem K\u246?rper ausl\u246?ste. Das Zucken war so abrupt und kr\u228
?ftig, dass Igor glaubte, etwas Bedeutsames entdeckt zu haben, und er begann, si
ch fortan t\u228?glich darin zu \u252?ben.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Mit 16 nahm Igor einen Zug und fuhr in eine fremde Stadt. Dort ging er in ein te
ures Hotel, tat so, als w\u252?rde er jemanden besuchen, und schlief im Treppenh
aus. Er glaubte, dass in teuren Hotels niemand die Treppen benutzen w\u252?rde u
nd selbst wenn ihn jemand entdeckte, konnte ihm nichts weiter passieren, als rau
sgeworfen zu werden. Rausgeworfen werden ist nicht schlimm, dachte er und versuc
hte, die Vorstellung, rausgeworfen zu werden, von dem damit eng verbundenen Gef\
u252?hl, ausgesto\u223?en zu werden, zu trennen. Er hatte festgestellt, dass sic
h seine negativen Gef\u252?hle auf erstaunliche Weise erleichterten und verfl\u2
52?chtigten, wenn er sie unbeweglich anstarrte. So tat er es auch mit seiner Ang
st, entdeckt zu werden, und schlief entspannt in einem Schlafsack im obersten St
ock des warmen Treppenhauses.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Tags\u252?ber ging er in ein Museum, um Kaffee zu trinken und Menschen zu beobac
hten. Er mochte es, Menschen zu beobachten, die gerade etwas beobachteten. Mensc
hen, die nur durch die Stra\u223?en liefen, waren meist nicht so sch\u246?n anzu
sehen wie Menschen, die sich etwas anschauten, wof\u252?r sie sich interessierte
n oder zumindest bezahlt hatten.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Manche waren dabei, denen er ein \u228?hnliches Schauen und Schweifen ansah, wie
er es ge\u252?bt hatte. Sie blickten nicht nur auf ein Gem\u228?lde und sammelt
en mit ihren Augen die Details, sondern sie schauten es als Ganzes und lie\u223?
en das Bild zur\u252?ckblicken.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er mochte die Bilder anschauen, aber noch mehr mochte er es, die Menschen anzuse
hen, die sie betrachteten. Sie bereiteten ihm eine Freude, die er nicht ganz ver
stand.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Als er nach vier Tagen wieder zur\u252?ck war, war seine Familie sehr ver\u228?r
gert. Sie hatte sich Sorgen um ihn gemacht und er entschuldigte sich.\par\pard\p
lain\hyphpar} {
Zur\u252?ck in der Schule, wurde er immer verst\u246?rter. Er versuchte, sich au
f ihren Inhalt wie auf ein Kunstwerk zu konzentrieren, aber es gelang ihm nicht.
Ihr Inhalt verschwamm vor seinen Augen und oft \u252?berkam ihn eine unbezwingb
are M\u252?digkeit und Wut, wenn er in den grauen R\u228?umen sa\u223?, um Worte
n zu folgen, die ihm leblos vorkamen. Igor hatte das Gef\u252?hl, ihm fehle ein
gewisses Talent, das die anderen Sch\u252?ler besa\u223?en. Die meisten schienen
keine Probleme mit den komplexen Inhalten zu haben und er suchte die Schuld bei
sich selbst. Seine Zensuren wurden schlechter und er musste sich entscheiden, e
ine Klasse zu wiederholen oder abzubrechen, und er beschloss in der Mitte der el
ften Klasse, die Schule zu beenden.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Seine Eltern dr\u228?ngten ihn, eine Lehre anzufangen oder etwas zu studieren, w
of\u252?r man kein Abitur brauchte, aber er wusste nicht, was. Er lief durch die
Stra\u223?en, kletterte in verlassene G\u228?rten, wanderte durch Hinterh\u246?
fe, badete in dem Fluss, der durch seine Stadt zog, und suchte nach einer K\u252
?hlung f\u252?r seinen \u252?berhitzten Geist.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Nach einer Weile des Nichtstuns versuchte er sich in einem Beruf, an den er durc
h Verwandte gelangt war, aber es ging ihm meist schlecht dabei. Zu viele Masken
zwang er ihm auf und er f\u252?hlte sich ungeschickt darin, sie zu tragen. Er ve
rdiente gutes Geld, aber immer wieder riss ihn eine dunkel pochende Sehnsucht au
s jeglicher Konzentration.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ihm wurde klar, dass sein Abschweifen ein Ende haben musste, und er entschloss s
ich, ein Experiment zu unternehmen. Eine Woche lang wollte er nichts weiter tun,
als sich dem Z\u228?hlen zu widmen. Er war der Ansicht, dass sich jemand, der g
ut z\u228?hlen konnte, auch gut in der allt\u228?glichen Welt zurechtfinden m\u2
52?sste.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er t\u228?uschte vor, erk\u228?ltet zu sein, und blieb eine Woche lang in seinem
Zimmer.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc
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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor kaufte sich ein leeres Heft, in das er kleine Striche zeichnete, um mit der
en Hilfe die Flecken des Dachfensters zu z\u228?hlen. Ihm war egal, was er z\u22
8?hlte. Es ging ihm ausschlie\u223?lich darum, seinen Fokus lange genug auf eine
r praktischen T\u228?tigkeit zu halten.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Nachdem er f\u252?r das Dachfenster nur einen halben Tag ben\u246?tigt und 312 F
lecken gez\u228?hlt hatte, sah er sich um und \u252?berlegte, wie er fortfahren
sollte. Der Boden war ebenfalls sehr fleckig, aber es war schwer auszumachen, wa
s ein Fleck und was lediglich eine F\u228?rbung war. Er stellte ein System auf,
nach dem er drei Fleckentypen einordnen konnte, schob die M\u246?bel zur Seite u
nd begann den Boden abzuz\u228?hlen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Schnell musste er feststellen, dass sein Geist bei dieser Arbeit erm\u252?dete,
und er begann parallel zu den Flecken auch seine Atemz\u252?ge zu notieren. Alle
zwei Minuten hielt er die Luft an und schrieb das Zwischenergebnis auf. Er besc
hloss, dass es sinnvoll sein m\u252?sste, wenn er schon seinen Atem z\u228?hlte,
auch wirklich alle Z\u252?ge zu z\u228?hlen, die er in der Woche, die er sich f
reigenommen hatte, tat.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Beim Zubettgehen klebte er sich mit Klebeband eine kleine Pfeife in den Mund und
eine in jedes Nasenloch und schaltete ein Tonbandger\u228?t ein. Als er am n\u2
28?chsten Morgen erwachte, hielt er die Luft an, spulte zur\u252?ck und z\u228?h
lte, w\u228?hrend er die Vorspul- und die Abspieltaste gleichzeitig gedr\u252?ck
t hielt, die Pfeift\u246?ne, die er auf dem Band h\u246?rte. Eine Woche lang mus
ste er nachts alle halbe Stunde aufstehen, um das Tonband zu wechseln. Parallel
dazu z\u228?hlte er Flecken an den vier W\u228?nden, an der Decke, an der T\u252
?r, auf dem Bett, auf dem Tisch, auf der Klinke, auf den Leisten des Bettes, auf
der Unterseite des Tisches, auf beiden Lakenseiten, wobei er darauf achtgab, di
e Flecken der Oberseite, die dunkel genug waren, um auf der anderen Seite durchz
uscheinen, nicht noch einmal mitzuz\u228?hlen, auf dem Lampenschirm, wof\u252?r
er das Bett hochkant stellen musste, um von oben sehen zu k\u246?nnen, auf seine
r Kleidung, au\u223?en und innen separat, und auf seinem K\u246?rper. Als Fleck
definierte er sowohl Fremdpartikel wie Dreck und Farbe und materialeigene Hervor
tretungen, zum Beispiel auf seinem groben Flanellhemd oder seiner Haut. Als er n
ach einer Woche fertig war, hatte er 140\~747 Atemz\u252?ge und 8653 Flecken in
drei unterschiedlichen Kategorien gez\u228?hlt.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor war ersch\u246?pft und meinte nun ge\u252?bt genug zu sein, um sich den nor
malen Dingen des Alltags widmen zu k\u246?nnen. Er verlie\u223? sein Zimmer und
warf das Heft, das er zum Z\u228?hlen benutzt hatte, in den Papierkorb. Erleicht
erung erfasste ihn.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Die beiden Ergebnisse, die er errechnet hatte, schrieb er ohne weitere Bezeichnu
ng auf einen kleinen Zettel, legte ihn auf den K\u252?chentisch und trat aus dem
Haus, um einen Spaziergang zu machen, etwas zu essen und sich dem Z\u228?hlen z
u entw\u246?hnen. Auf seinem Weg fing er unwillk\u252?rlich an, seine Schritte z
u z\u228?hlen, aber er verbot sich, damit fortzufahren.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}
{
Er \u252?berlegte, dass es spannend sein m\u252?sste, einmal 100 Tage in einem d
unklen Raum ohne Licht und Ger\u228?usch zu verbringen. Es m\u252?sste etwas Sin
nvolles dabei herauskommen, dachte er.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Am selben Tag traf Igor das erste Mal auf Alma.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er betrat einen Imbiss und sah sie an einem der vorderen Tische sitzen. Alma tru
g einen braunen Anorak, eine schwarze Hose und schwarze Stiefel und schien gerad
e erst gekommen zu sein. Sie war noch au\u223?er Atem und ihre Kleidung nass vom
Regen. Still wartete sie auf ihre Bestellung und strich sich mit einer Hand das
nasse Haar aus dem Gesicht. Igor bekam einen Schock, drehte sich auf dem Absatz
um und verlie\u223? den Imbiss augenblicklich, um sich auf der Stra\u223?e zu \
u252?bergeben.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er fand heraus, wo sie wohnte, kaufte eine eingetopfte Pflanze und stellte sich
vor ihre Haust\u252?r. Als sie heraustrat, sprach er zu ihr.\par\pard\plain\hyph
par} {
Sie verbrachten drei Monate miteinander. Tags\u252?ber, wenn sie arbeitete, ging
er mit ihrem drei Jahre alten Sohn spazieren. Nachts unterhielten sie sich lang
e. Etwas in ihrem Wesen vermochte Igor auf eine ihm fast unheimliche Art und Wei
se einzunehmen. Er sah ihr unendlich gern zu, wie sie die Dinge tat, die sie tat
. Wie sie ihre Schuhe band, wie sie die Gabel zum Mund f\u252?hrte, wie sie etwa
s zusammenkn\u252?llte und wegwarf, wie sie zusammenzuckte, wenn sie erschrak, w
ie sie sich die Z\u228?hne putzte, die Haare k\u228?mmte, wie sie sich das T-Shi
rt \u252?ber den Kopf auszog, wie sie schlief, wie sie \u252?ber Musik sprach, w
ie sie leise fluchte, wie sie ihre Zeichnungen zerriss und ihre Stifte zerbrach,
wie sie gegen Litfa\u223?s\u228?ulen trat und Ereignisse aus ihrem Leben nachsp
ielte, wie sie schaute, wenn sie sich nicht beobachtet f\u252?hlte, wie sie scha
ute, wenn sie wusste, dass sie beobachtet wurde, aber so tat, als w\u252?rde sie
es nicht wissen, wie sie den Kopf in ihren H\u228?nden vergrub und leise weinte
, wie sie den Mund am \u196?rmel abwischte, wie sie ihren Sohn zum Essen \u252?b
erredete, wie sie vorlas, wie sie lachte, wie sie w\u252?tend wurde und wie sie
l\u228?chelte, wie sie emp\u246?rt war und wie sie angab, wie sie still war und
wie sie aus Freude um sich schlug.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Es war Igor nicht m\u246?glich zu verstehen, was es war, das ihn so fesselte, un
d fast machte es ihm Angst.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Weder war Alma sonderlich elegant noch im klassischen Sinne sch\u246?n. Sie war
durchschnittlich intelligent, aber von einem gro\u223?en Instinkt und einer tief
en Neugier.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Nachdem er sie eine Weile besucht und ihr dabei zugesehen hatte, wie sie lebte,
ihr bei allt\u228?glichen Dingen geholfen, ihre Eink\u228?ufe getragen, ihr Fahr
rad repariert, sich mit ihrem Sohn angefreundet hatte und immer mehr Zeuge ihres
Lebens geworden war, \u252?berkam Igor, der bis dahin sehr still geblieben war,
das Bed\u252?rfnis, ihr von sich zu erz\u228?hlen. Das erste Mal gab es einen M
enschen, dem er berichten musste, und fast war es ihm unangenehm. Er sprach von
sich und seinen Gedanken, seinen Ideen und seinen Problemen mit der Unendlichkei
t, berichtete, was er sah, wenn er durch die Stra\u223?en lief, was er h\u246?rt
e, wenn die Menschen sprachen, und was er f\u252?hlte, wenn sie ihm die Hand gab
en. Eines Tages fing Igor an, auch Alma zu beschreiben. Er erz\u228?hlte ihr, wa
s er sah, wenn er sie betrachtete. Vorsichtig versuchte er ihr Details aus seine
n Beobachtungen zu \u252?berreichen, doch meist schien es ihr unangenehm zu sein
und sie wich aus.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Alma war eine widerspr\u252?chliche Person. Oft war sie scheu, wirkte bescheiden
und fr\u246?hlich, sie verabscheute Eitelkeit und meinte, es sei nur nat\u252?r
lich, sich selbst nicht allzu wichtig zu nehmen. Doch gleichzeitig war sie von e
inem gro\u223?en Stolz und einem fast unersch\u252?tterlichen Selbstvertrauen.\p
ar\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Sie \u252?bernahm schnell Verantwortung f\u252?r ihre Umgebung. Sie sorgte sich
um ihre Familie und ihre Freunde, sie war eine geduldige Hilfe f\u252?r viele un
d eine z\u228?rtliche Mutter, doch in ihrem Kern gab es einen dunklen Hunger, de
n sie sich weigerte zu stillen. Sie schien ihm nicht mit derselben F\u252?rsorge
begegnen zu wollen, mit der sie der Welt begegnete. Ihr Hunger war ihr fremd, a
ls w\u252?rde er nicht zu ihr geh\u246?ren, als w\u228?re er zerst\u246?rerisch
und zu wild f\u252?r die Welt. Sie mochte ihn nicht und h\u228?tte es lieber geh
abt, er w\u228?re still. Oft merkte sie kaum, wie sehr es sie entkr\u228?ftete,
ihn zu bek\u228?mpfen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Sie wurde von vielen gemocht und etwas an ihr ermutigte die Menschen dazu, sie s
elbst zu sein. Man verlor in ihrem Beisein das Interesse daran zu l\u252?gen. Si
e verstr\u246?mte eine Akzeptanz, ein Verst\u228?ndnis f\u252?r die Niederungen
der menschlichen Seele, doch sich selbst tats\u228?chlich zu lieben schien ihr v
erboten. Es war ihr verhasst, ein Problem oder eine B\u252?rde f\u252?r andere z
u sein, sei es auch nur im Gespr\u228?ch, und sie empfand es als ihre immerw\u22
8?hrende Pflicht, sich zu verurteilen, bevor es jemand anderes tun konnte.\par\p
ard\plain\hyphpar} {
Sie trug eine verborgene Schuld mit sich herum und fast war es, als m\u252?sste
Igor sie selbst tilgen. Er entwickelte den tiefen Wunsch, etwas f\u252?r sie zu
tragen. Die Last, die er auf ihr liegen sah, kam ihm gro\u223? vor, und oft zerb
rach er fast bei dem Versuch, sie ihr abzunehmen. Sie war der eine Mensch, den I
gor niemals alleinlassen wollte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Es war ihm nicht wichtig, ob sie f\u252?r immer zusammenbleiben w\u252?rden, fas
t war es nicht wichtig, ob sie ihn liebte und verstand, aber etwas in ihm wusste
, dass er immer da sein wollte, wenn sie etwas brauchte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}
{\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor ver\u228?nderte sich durch das Erscheinen Almas.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er wurde geduldiger mit der Welt und empfand eine neue Begr\u252?ndung, sich dem
sinnlosen Alltag des Berufslebens zu stellen. Es war ihm m\u246?glich, neue Bet
rachtungswinkel einzunehmen, und vieles, was er nicht getan h\u228?tte, wenn Alm
a nicht in sein Leben getreten w\u228?re, tat er nun und er war froh dabei. So m
ietete er eine kleine Wohnung am Rande der Stadt, in die er einen Tisch stellte
und eine Matratze legte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Alma, die in so vielen Verpflichtungen stand und Freundschaften pflegte, inspiri
erte ihn dazu, selbst welche einzugehen und das gesellschaftliche Leben zu erfor
schen. Er ging aus und sprach merkw\u252?rdige Gestalten auf der Stra\u223?e an,
begann Musik zu m\u246?gen, kleine Gedichte zu schreiben, zu zeichnen und sich
Muster aus geometrischen Formen auszudenken. Oft sa\u223? er auf einer Bank, w\u
228?hrend er wartete, dass Alma von ihrer Arbeit heimkehren w\u252?rde, und beob
achtete die vorbeilaufenden Menschen. Er konnte sich nicht helfen, Gefallen an i
hnen und ihren leidenschaftlichen Verzettelungen zu finden. Zum ersten Mal seit
seiner Kindheit war es ihm wieder m\u246?glich, beim Betrachten der Welt R\u252?
hrung zu empfinden. Eine Kraft wuchs in ihm, die er n\u228?hren wollte.\par\pard
\plain\hyphpar} {
Niemand aus seiner Familie wusste von seinem Verh\u228?ltnis zu Alma und als nac
h drei Monaten ein Unfall geschah, welcher seine Verbindung zu ihr abrupt beende
te, war niemand da, dem sich Igor offenbaren konnte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\p
ar\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s1 \afs32
{\qc
0 {\b
1} 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
In den folgenden Jahren kam Igor der Welt abhanden. Oft blickte er versunken ins
Leere und verga\u223?, in Gespr\u228?chen zu antworten. Dann l\u228?chelte er,
entschuldigte sich und versuchte herauszubekommen, worum es ging.\par\pard\plain
\hyphpar} {
Ihn umgab eine Taubheit, die er immer wieder versuchte abzusch\u252?tteln, und e
r arbeitete nur so viel es n\u246?tig war, um die Miete f\u252?r seine Wohnung z
u bezahlen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor gab sich M\u252?he, den Dingen meinungslos gegen\u252?berzustehen. Solange
er nicht wusste, woraus sie gemacht waren, solange er nicht begriff, weshalb sie
entstanden und wieder vergingen, glaubte er, kein Recht zu besitzen, eine Meinu
ng zu haben.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Auch gegen\u252?ber den Menschen versuchte er neutral zu bleiben. Er wollte sie
nicht verurteilen, auch wenn er oft nicht anders konnte, als sie ein wenig missb
illigend zu betrachten. Wie r\u252?cksichtslos viele von ihnen waren, wie schnel
l sie \u252?ber andere urteilten und wie dumm sie mit sich und ihrer Umgebung um
gingen, lie\u223? ihn oft finster werden. Er mochte das Finstere nicht. Igor gla
ubte, wenn er die Welt und ihre Bewohner nur gut genug verst\u252?nde, w\u252?rd
e er niemanden mehr verurteilen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Immer wieder dachte er dar\u252?ber nach, einmal eine gewisse Zeit in einem Raum
ohne Licht und Ger\u228?usch zu verbringen. Er war noch immer der Ansicht, dass
etwas Sinnvolles dabei herauskommen m\u252?sste, aber noch hatte er nicht die K
raft, viele Experimente mit sich zu wagen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
H\u228?ufig war er unruhig und zerstreut und ging seinen t\u228?glichen Verricht
ungen mit einer f\u252?r seine Umwelt schwer ertr\u228?glichen Fahrigkeit nach.\
par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Immer wieder f\u252?hlte er sich zur Stille hingezogen. Wenn es ihm gel\u228?nge
, vollkommen still zu sein, w\u252?rde die Welt ihre Sch\u246?nheit offenbaren,
vermutete er.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er schlief meist zu kurz in der Nacht und an den Nachmittagen zu lang.\par\pard\
plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
In dieser Zeit hatte Igor einen h\u228?ufig wiederkehrenden Traum, in dem er dur
ch ein Abflussrohr lief. Alles wirkte giftig und feindselig und er hatte das Gef
\u252?hl, von Dingen beobachtet zu werden. Sie rochen seine Angst und je \u246?f
ter er den Gedanken zulie\u223?, sich verlaufen zu haben, desto gr\u246?\u223?er
wurde ihre Anzahl und desto unvermeidlicher wurde es, dass sie ihn in einem ner
v\u246?sen Moment anfallen w\u252?rden, um ihn niederzurei\u223?en. Sie schienen
sich von seiner Furcht zu ern\u228?hren, und er war nicht in der Lage, sie zu n
eutralisieren, wie er es als Kind mit seiner Keksdose getan hatte. Das Rohr wurd
e ver\u228?stelt und stellte ihn immer wieder vor Abzweigungen, von denen er jed
es Mal meinte, die falsche auszuw\u228?hlen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Nachdem er sich eingestanden hatte, sich vollkommen verirrt zu haben, h\u246?rte
er in der Ferne seltsam helle T\u246?ne. Er folgte ihnen, bis er mitten in der
Kanalisation auf ein Wesen traf, welches zart und versunken ein riesiges oktogon
ales Saiteninstrument spielte. Die Finger des Wesens hatten einen matten Schein,
w\u228?hrend sie \u252?ber die Saiten flogen, sein Haar schien magnetisch gelad
en und schwebte meterlang im Raum.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Die Musik war so herzzerrei\u223?end und von solch versunkener Gewissheit, Weltu
marmung und gleichzeitiger Ungebundenheit, dass er sofort sicher war, dass diese
s Wesen wissen musste, wie es ein Heraus gab. Es konnte nicht von diesem dunklen
Ort stammen, sondern musste freiwillig hergekommen sein.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar
} {
Jedes Mal wurde ihm in diesem Moment klar, dass er gerettet war. Die Musik macht
e ihn ruhig und er wartete and\u228?chtig schweigend. Die feindseligen Dinge lau
erten noch immer in der Dunkelheit, aber die Angstlosigkeit des Wesens lie\u223?
auch ihn angstlos werden.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Lange stand er so und lauschte, als ihm pl\u246?tzlich klar wurde, dass das Wese
n \u252?berhaupt nicht die Absicht hatte, diesen Ort zu verlassen. Igor wurde wi
eder bang. Was wollte es dann hier? Warum war es ausgerechnet in diesem unwirtli
chen Kanal, um zu singen? Hier, wo niemand au\u223?er ihm es h\u246?rte und wert
sch\u228?tzte, was es tat. Es musste eine Verbindung zwischen ihnen geben. Diese
s Wesen war seinetwegen hier, es war eindeutig; aber was musste passieren, damit
sie fortkonnten? Das Wesen schien ohne Ziel und Zeitgef\u252?hl zu musizieren.
Doch dieses Abflussrohr war kein Ort zum Bleiben, etwas musste geschehen.\par\pa
rd\plain\hyphpar} {
Wahrscheinlich verlangte das Wesen etwas von ihm, ein Austausch sollte stattfind
en. Als Igor dies erkannte, fiel ihm ein Ton auf, der inmitten der Vielzahl der
T\u246?ne, die das Wesen gleichzeitig erklingen lie\u223?, herausstach. Ein einz
elner dissonanter Ton, der in mal mehr, mal weniger regelm\u228?\u223?igen Abst\
u228?nden erklang. Je genauer er sich in die Musik versenkte, umso deutlicher h\
u246?rte er, dass er nicht passte. Er war verzogen und stemmte sich gegen den ha
rmonischen Strom der sanft und m\u228?chtig flie\u223?enden Musik. Igor verstand
intuitiv, dass dieser Ton das Wesen daran hinderte, die dunkle Kanalwelt mit se
inem Lied zu \u246?ffnen, er hatte buchst\u228?blich die Vorstellung, dass das L
ied, wenn es die vollkommene Macht seiner Harmonie entfalten k\u246?nnte, den ge
samten Untergrundkomplex auseinanderheben w\u252?rde. Die Decke und W\u228?nde w
\u252?rden zerschmelzen und sie beide k\u246?nnten leicht und ungehindert hinaus
gleiten.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Das Wesen musste diesen Missklang mit Absicht in sein Instrument gestimmt haben,
es w\u252?rde sich sonst keine zwei Minuten in dieser dunklen Welt halten k\u24
6?nnen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor durchfuhr die erschreckende Erkenntnis, dass das Wesen sein Lied seinetwege
n in einer Disharmonie hielt und nun schien es an Igor, diese zu erl\u246?sen. E
r war ger\u252?hrt und suchte mit den Augen die Saite, die den Missklang verursa
chte. Vorsichtig ging er n\u228?her heran, um das Wesen nicht in seiner erhabene
n Versenkung zu st\u246?ren. Er starrte lange, bis er die verstimmte Saite fand.
Sie war vergleichsweise kurz und an der linken Kante des oktogonalen Instrument
s eingespannt. Das Instrument bestand aus wei\u223?em Holz, welches so aussah, a
ls w\u228?re es direkt in seine Form hineingewachsen. Was f\u252?r eine Art Baum
wohl so wuchs, fragte er sich. Bald sah er an der hauchd\u252?nnen Saite einen
kleinen Stab, der sie an dem zarten Holz befestigte und der drehbar zu sein schi
en. Igor z\u246?gerte \u8211? er wusste, er musste vorsichtig sein, um das Wesen
nicht zu erschrecken oder aus seinem Fluss zu rei\u223?en. Auch wiegte es sich
leicht zu den Seiten, w\u228?hrend es spielte, was es umso schwerer machte, die
Saite zu stimmen, ohne das Spiel zu st\u246?ren. Er suchte Best\u228?tigung im B
lick des Wesens, aber es schaute nur versunken an ihm vorbei und wiegte sich im
Fluss der Musik. Igor fasste sich ein Herz und griff mit zwei Fingern vorsichtig
den Stab, um ihn leicht zu drehen. In dem Moment, in dem er ihn ber\u252?hrte,
wuchs seine Hand schlagartig auf die doppelte Gr\u246?\u223?e an. Igor erschrak
und zog sie abrupt zur\u252?ck. Beim Wegschnellen seiner nun sehr gro\u223?en Ha
nd knickte ein weiterer Stab um und verstimmte eine zweite Saite. Igor unterdr\u
252?ckte einen Schrei und versuchte sofort, den umgeknickten Stab zu richten. So
bald er jedoch die Saiten ber\u252?hrte, schwollen seine H\u228?nde schlagartig
wieder auf ein Vielfaches an und besa\u223?en nun die Gr\u246?\u223?e zweier St\
u252?hle. Er zuckte zusammen, sodass mehrere St\u228?be umknickten und vier Sait
en g\u228?nzlich rissen. Das Wesen h\u246?rte auf zu spielen und schaute ihn an.
Einer von Igors Fingern hatte sich mit einer Saite verknotet und h\u246?rte nic
ht auf zu wachsen. Igor versuchte panisch, die Saite abzuziehen, aber es gelang
ihm nicht. Er sprang zur\u252?ck, um nicht noch mehr kaputt zu machen, und riss
das ganze Instrument mit sich zu Boden. Igor schrie auf und versuchte es mit sei
nen riesigen H\u228?nden aufzuheben, um es dem Wesen zu \u252?berreichen, aber s
eine H\u228?nde wuchsen und wuchsen und f\u252?llten unabl\u228?ssig den Raum. D
ie pl\u246?tzliche Angst, die ihn \u252?berkam, brachte die beobachtenden Dinge,
die bis jetzt auf Distanz geblieben waren, dazu, sich in Igors R\u252?cken zu w
erfen und sich in seinem Fleisch zu verbei\u223?en. Kurz bevor Igor im Sturm sei
ner eigenen Panik zu versinken drohte, erhaschte er noch einen Blick des Wesens,
welches ihn still und neugierig betrachtete. Dann wachte er auf.\par\pard\plain
\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Der Traum hinterlie\u223? jedes Mal einen bitteren Geschmack in Igors Mund und e
r versp\u252?rte das dringliche Bed\u252?rfnis, sich die H\u228?nde zu waschen.
Er vergrub sich in B\u252?chern \u252?ber Physik und Religion, und wohin er auch
blickte, sah er Symbole und versteckte Zeichen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Es war, als w\u252?rde das Leben hinter jedes Ereignis, jede Begegnung und jeden
Gedanken ein Fragezeichen setzen. Nichts schien mehr mit einem Punkt zu enden o
der gar einem Ausrufezeichen. Alles war ein Hinweis auf ein unsichtbares R\u228?
tsel, welches ihn wie ein Zyklon spiralenf\u246?rmig immer n\u228?her zu einer u
nsichtbaren Mitte zog.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Weshalb gab es das Leben, woraus entwickelte es sich und warum starb es wieder,
was stand hinter all seinen Formenspielen und grotesken Gebilden, worin lag die
Begr\u252?ndung f\u252?r seine Existenz und wo wollte es hin? Ein normales Leben
zu f\u252?hren schien ihm immer bizarrer und verschwenderisch. Man hatte nicht
genug Zeit f\u252?r all die verqueren Verpflichtungen, die die Menschen erfanden
. Igor fing an, seinen eigentlichen Namen abzulegen und sich Igor zu nennen. Er
hatte es schon immer gehasst, einen Namen zu tragen, und nun dachte er, dass er
ihn sich wenigstens selbst geben sollte. Ihm gefiel, dass er ein I und ein O in
sich trug. Es erinnerte ihn an eine Null und eine Eins.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}
{
Nach Almas Tod k\u228?mpfte er lange dagegen an, in eine Dunkelheit abzurutschen
, er hatte das Gef\u252?hl, kein Recht dazu zu haben. Er f\u252?hlte sich verpfl
ichtet, eine L\u246?sung zu finden; als m\u252?sste er etwas tief Verschlossenes
wecken, was in der Mitte der Spirale schlief.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Sein K\u246?rper begann eine immer wichtigere Rolle beim L\u246?sen des R\u228?t
sels zu spielen. Igor sp\u252?rte, dass er eine Verkr\u252?mmung in sich trug. K
aum war es ihm m\u246?glich, seine F\u252?\u223?e zu f\u252?hlen, w\u228?hrend e
r ging. Seine Wirbels\u228?ule war eigenartig verzogen und in seinem Hals lag ei
n Klo\u223?, der ihn stetig begleitete und ihm den Atem abschnitt. Er ging \u246
?fter laufen und betrieb verschiedene Sportarten. Auch gew\u246?hnte er sich an,
auf dem R\u252?cken einzuschlafen und vorher jedes seiner K\u246?rperteile absi
nken zu lassen. Immer wieder versuchte er den Druck, der sich in seinem Kopf zus
ammengezogen hatte, gleichm\u228?\u223?ig in den Rest seines K\u246?rpers zu ver
teilen. Oft lag er so und es waren die interessantesten Stunden des Tages. Seine
muskul\u228?ren Verknotungen begannen sich zu l\u246?sen und ab und an f\u252?h
lte er Freiheit in sich aufblitzen. Es waren nur Sekunden, aber sie waren ihm li
eb und teuer und bald war ihm nichts wichtiger als das stetige innere S\u228?ube
rn von Verzerrungen, die sich \u252?ber die Jahre in ihm angestaut hatten.\par\p
ard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor hatte nun einen Beruf ergriffen, der ihm finanzielle Unabh\u228?ngigkeit be
scherte und ihm erlaubte, viel Zeit mit sich zu verbringen. Er verrichtete ihn o
ft halbherzig und ungeduldig und konnte es meist kaum erwarten, nach Hause zu ko
mmen, um mit der Erkundung seines Nervensystems fortzufahren.\par\pard\plain\hyp
hpar} {
So ungelenk er fr\u252?her war und so weit von seinem K\u246?rper entfernt, so l
eidenschaftlich widmete er sich nun seiner Erforschung. Bald gelang es ihm, sich
im aufrechten Sitz zu entspannen, und er entdeckte Zusammenh\u228?nge zwischen
H\u228?nden und F\u252?\u223?en, Hals und Becken, Bauch und Schultern. Sein Nerv
ensystem schien auf die unterschiedlichsten inneren Bilder zu reagieren und wurd
e immer enger mit seinen geistigen Vorstellungen verbunden. Mit seinem Geist tri
eb er Licht durch den Magen, durch die Muskeln und Venen, und es gelang ihm imme
r besser, die unterschiedlichen Reaktionen zu beobachten, die es verursachte. Au
ch verband er sich \u246?fter mit Vorstellungen, die au\u223?erhalb seines K\u24
6?rpers lagen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Wenn die Welt unendlich w\u228?re, m\u252?sste auch jede Information in ihr enth
alten sein, dachte er und versuchte die Informationen herbeizurufen, die er f\u2
52?r seine eigene Reparatur ben\u246?tigte. Wie er es als kleiner Junge bei dem
K\u252?chenradio seiner Eltern beobachtet hatte, m\u252?sste er sich nur auf die
Frequenz einstellen, in der die Information verschl\u252?sselt lag, und die L\u
246?sung w\u252?rde wie Musik in seinem K\u246?rper erklingen.\par\pard\plain\hy
phpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Eines Nachts hatte er einen weiteren Traum, der einen gro\u223?en Einfluss auf s
ein Leben nehmen sollte. Igor fand sich in einem vornehmen Flur wieder und sah a
uf einem Schild die Nummer zw\u246?lf stehen. Als er auf seine H\u228?nde blickt
e, entdeckte er, dass er zw\u246?lf Finger besa\u223?. Er ging durch die T\u252?
r und betrat ein Wartezimmer. In ihm standen St\u252?hle und ein kleiner Tisch,
unpers\u246?nliche Bilder hingen an den W\u228?nden, ein Wasserspender surrte le
ise und eine unn\u246?tig laut tickende Uhr zeigte die Zeit. Es w\u228?re ein no
rmales Wartezimmer gewesen, wenn es nicht so niedrig gewesen w\u228?re. Kein Men
sch konnte darin bequem warten. Nicht mal im Sitzen konnte man sich ganz aufrich
ten.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Nachdem er ungef\u228?hr eine Viertelstunde vorn\u252?bergebeugt gesessen hatte,
ging ihm auf, dass niemand auf ihn wartete. Er konnte einfach durch die T\u252?
r gehen, wann immer er wollte. Dies am\u252?sierte ihn sehr und er lachte laut \
u252?ber seine offensichtliche Dummheit. Mit einem Male war alles um ihn herum f
reundlicher, selbst die Decke schien nicht mehr so niedrig. Er erhob sich und ko
nnte zu seiner \u220?berraschung aufrecht stehen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Nun bekam er gro\u223?e Lust, einen Blick hinter die T\u252?r zu werfen, von der
er bis eben noch gedacht hatte, dass sie ihn zu einem Zahnarzttermin oder einer
\u228?hnlich unangenehmen Verabredung f\u252?hren w\u252?rde. Er \u246?ffnete s
ie und war in keiner Weise auf das uns\u228?glich Verwirrende gefasst, was ihn h
inter ihr erwartete.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Vorsichtig trat Igor durch die T\u252?r.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er warf sich auf den R\u252?cken und es gelang ihm, den Ball, der mittlerweile e
in bedrohliches Br\u252?llen von sich gab, abzustreifen und aus dem Raum zu renn
en.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Der Raum war hell erleuchtet und seine W\u228?nde waren von einer seltsam schimm
ernden Oberfl\u228?chenstruktur.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor schrie auf und st\u252?tzte sich panisch mit seinem freien Arm an der Oberf
l\u228?che ab, die ebenfalls nachgab, sodass er f\u252?r kurze Zeit mit beiden A
rmen im Ball versunken war.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er blickte in die Weite und konnte nur ganz hinten in einem wei\u223?en Dunst ei
ne Gestalt erkennen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Noch ehe er diesen Gedanken ganz zu Ende denken konnte, wurde sein Arm bis zur S
chulter in den Ball gerissen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er ging n\u228?her, um sie zu betrachten, und stellte fest, dass die Gestalt kei
ne Gestalt, sondern ein sich um sich selbst drehender Kreis war, der sich in ein
er derart schnellen Rotation befand, dass er wie ein glatter Kreis im Raum schwe
bte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Seine Oberfl\u228?che vibrierte unter seinen Fingern und sofort stellte sich ein
warmes Gef\u252?hl in seinem K\u246?rper ein, als w\u252?rde seine Hand sanft a
ngesogen werden.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er gab ein tiefes Brummen von sich und seine Geschwindigkeit war so hoch, dass I
gor sich in seiner Oberfl\u228?che spiegeln konnte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Zu anziehend war seine Form.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Der Ball hatte eine \u252?berw\u228?ltigend harmonische Ausstrahlung und Igor ko
nnte sich nicht beherrschen, ihn zu ber\u252?hren.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Der Ball hatte eine \u252?berw\u228?ltigend harmonische Ausstrahlung und Igor ko
nnte sich nicht beherrschen, ihn zu ber\u252?hren.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Zu anziehend war seine Form.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er gab ein tiefes Brummen von sich und seine Geschwindigkeit war so hoch, dass I
gor sich in seiner Oberfl\u228?che spiegeln konnte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Seine Oberfl\u228?che vibrierte unter seinen Fingern und sofort stellte sich ein
warmes Gef\u252?hl in seinem K\u246?rper ein, als w\u252?rde seine Hand sanft a
ngesogen werden.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er ging n\u228?her, um sie zu betrachten, und stellte fest, dass die Gestalt kei
ne Gestalt, sondern ein sich um sich selbst drehender Kreis war, der sich in ein
er derart schnellen Rotation befand, dass er wie ein glatter Ball im Raum schweb
te.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Noch ehe er diesen Gedanken ganz zu Ende denken konnte, wurde sein Arm bis zur S
chulter in den Ball gerissen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er blickte in die Weite und konnte nur ganz hinten in einem wei\u223?en Dunst ei
ne Gestalt erkennen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor schrie auf und st\u252?tzte sich panisch mit seinem freien Arm an der Oberf
l\u228?che ab, die ebenfalls nachgab, sodass er f\u252?r kurze Zeit mit beiden A
rmen im Ball versunken war.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Der Raum war hell erleuchtet und seine W\u228?nde waren von einer seltsam schimm
ernden Oberfl\u228?chenstruktur.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er warf sich auf den R\u252?cken und es gelang ihm, den Ball, der mittlerweile e
in bedrohliches Br\u252?llen von sich gab, abzustreifen und aus dem Raum zu renn
en.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Vorsichtig trat Igor durch die T\u252?r.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Jedes Mal erwachte er schwei\u223?gebadet. Dieser Traum ergab von vorn bis hinte
n keinen Sinn. Zwar waren einige Bilder sehr eindr\u252?cklich, aber ihrer Reihe
nfolge war keinerlei Logik abzuringen. Es war nahezu widerlich unverst\u228?ndli
ch. Die Bilder wiederholten sich sogar, als w\u252?rden sie versuchen, Igor dazu
zu bringen, sie zu ordnen, als w\u252?rden sie danach schreien, von ihm wie Kro
nkorken in ihrer unsichtbaren, aber vorbestimmten Reihenfolge sortiert zu werden
. Aber Igor weigerte sich, l\u228?nger \u252?ber den Traum nachzudenken, zu wild
war er und zu anstrengend war es, ihn zu tr\u228?umen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}
{
Seine H\u228?nde brannten, nachdem er aufgewacht war, und wieder versp\u252?rte
er den Wunsch, sie zu waschen. Noch Stunden sp\u228?ter konnte Igor das absurde
Gef\u252?hl, das der Traum hinterlassen hatte, nicht von sich absch\u252?tteln.
Bald bemerkte er, dass sich sein Verh\u228?ltnis zu Zeit verschob. Sie war nicht
mehr linear, sondern merkw\u252?rdig verschachtelt und relativ.\par\pard\plain\
hyphpar} {
Auch seine visuelle Wahrnehmung ver\u228?nderte sich. Erst war es nur eine leich
te Kr\u252?mmung an den R\u228?ndern, doch immer \u246?fter spielten seine Augen
ihm regelrecht Streiche. Er griff neben die Tasse, wenn er trinken wollte, er e
rkannte alte Bekannte nicht mehr, Farbflecken tauchten auf und gingen erst nach
Stunden wieder weg und immer wieder sah er geometrische Muster aus Kreisen und D
reiecken, wenn er die Augen schloss.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er hoffte, dass es eine Phase war, vor\u252?bergehend wie eine Erk\u228?ltung, a
ber als es nach einer Woche noch immer nicht besser wurde, erschrak er. W\u228?h
rend er seinem Tagewerk nachging, l\u228?chelte und scherzte er, aber innerlich
war er bedr\u252?ckt. Als er bemerkte, dass er sogar Schrift nicht mehr lesen ko
nnte, wurde er aggressiv. Igor w\u252?nschte sich, dass jemand kommen w\u252?rde
, um ihm eine Ohrfeige zu geben, aber es kam niemand und er musste zusehen, wie
er sich selbst verloren ging.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Etwas hatte angefangen, sich unaufhaltsam zu verschieben, und als Igor 23 wurde,
kam ihm der Bezug zu seiner bisherigen Realit\u228?t abhanden.\par\pard\plain\h
yphpar} {
\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s1 \afs32
{\qc
0 1 {\b
2} 3 4 5 6 7 8 9\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
{\i
{\qc
\u8211? Noc deus fluidum fonc \u8211?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyp
hpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {
{\ql
Die Beine gewetzt, durch Holz und Gestr\u252?pp,
{\line }
\u252?ber H\u252?gel und Wiese und Bach.
{\line }
Durch N\u228?sse und K\u228?lte und Wind musst du gehen,
{\line }
wenn die St\u228?dte zerfallen, wenn die St\u228?dte verwehen, denn nichts geh\
u246?rt uns und uns geh\u246?rt nichts,
{\line }
drum tanze und singe und lach.
{\line }
\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {
Es ist ein guter Ort. Der Raum ist klar und warm. Seine W\u228?nde sind wei\u223
? und auf dem Boden liegt Teppich. Die Fenster sind doppelt verglast und das sch
were schwarze Tuch, das \u252?ber ihnen h\u228?ngt, l\u228?sst kein Licht hindur
ch.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Eine Matratze. Mehrere Laken und Decken. 150 Liter Wasser. Zwieback und Dosen vo
ller Obst. Eingelegte \u196?pfel. Eingelegte Gurken. Eingelegte Bohnen. Gl\u228?
ser mit Tomaten. Eine Toilette, eine Klimaanlage.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich gehe auf den Hinterhof. Die Sonne scheint angenehm. Der Wind f\u228?hrt durc
h die B\u228?ume und das Rascheln der Bl\u228?tter klingt sch\u246?n.\par\pard\p
lain\hyphpar} {
Ich zeichne mit Kreide einen Kreis auf den Boden. Dann lege ich ein Dreieck aus
Streichh\u246?lzern hinein und z\u252?nde sie an. Ein zischendes Ger\u228?usch e
ntsteht und ich sehe zu, wie sie langsam herunterbrennen. 100 Tage.\par\pard\pla
in\hyphpar} {
Ich stelle mich ein paar Minuten mit geschlossenen Augen in die Sonne und atme d
ie milde Luft, dann gehe ich hinein und schlie\u223?e die T\u252?r hinter mir ab
.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Alles ist sauber. Die Dusche ist repariert. Ich h\u228?nge das letzte Tuch \u252
?ber die T\u252?r, damit kein Licht durch die Spalten dringen kann.\par\pard\pla
in\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 1\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Bin anscheinend eingeschlafen. Ob es mitten in der Nacht ist oder noch abends, v
ermag ich nicht mehr genau zu sagen. Alles ist dunkel und still. Noch ist es seh
r sch\u246?n.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Habe gegessen. Das Ger\u228?usch, das entsteht, wenn ich eine Dose \u246?ffne, i
st schneidend. Es ist gut, dass keine Stra\u223?e in der N\u228?he ist.\par\pard
\plain\hyphpar} {
Die Gurken waren eine hervorragende Wahl.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Mein K\u246?rper zuckt wieder sehr, wenn ich liege. Ich bin genervt. Warum liegt
er nicht einfach und flie\u223?t? Das Schreiben ist merkw\u252?rdig und ich wer
de wohl bald damit aufh\u246?ren. Wer wei\u223?, ob man es sp\u228?ter \u252?ber
haupt lesen kann? Ich gebe mir M\u252?he, den Stift langsam zu f\u252?hren und m
it der freien Hand zu f\u252?hlen, wie viel Abstand ich zur n\u228?chsten Zeile
brauche. Aber ob das hilft, wei\u223? ich nicht.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Es m\u252?sste nun Morgen sein.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Zum ersten Mal bin ich wirklich gl\u252?cklich gewesen, hier zu sein. Es waren z
war nur ein paar Momente, aber sie gl\u252?hen noch nach. Die Gedanken werden la
uter und es st\u246?rt mich, dass sie sich so oft wiederholen. Das Gehirn ist wi
rklich seltsam. Es speit mir wahllos Bilder vor die F\u252?\u223?e. Sogar Werbem
elodien hat es schon gesungen. Ich werde mich noch einmal hinlegen.\par\pard\pla
in\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Nach dem Schlaf habe ich mich viel bewegt. Meine Wahrnehmung wird bereits genaue
r. Es ist gut, den Augen eine so lange Pause zu g\u246?nnen. Der Kopf ist noch l
aut, aber die Muskeln sind sehr fein sp\u252?rbar. Ich habe innerlich viel mit d
er Farbe Violett gearbeitet.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Drei Wirbel sind es, die mir Sorgen bereiten. Der unterste und auch der dar\u252
?ber lassen sich kaum ansteuern. Auch der oberste, mein Atlaswirbel, scheint ver
schoben zu sein. Einmal war ich kurz davor, ihn zu bewegen, aber ich lasse mir b
esser Zeit. Der letzte ist in der Mitte, kurz unter den ersten Rippen. Werde da
genauer drauf eingehen m\u252?ssen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Bin das erste Mal nerv\u246?s geworden. Meinem Gehirn scheint nun langsam klar z
u werden, was ich mit ihm vorhabe, und es wehrt sich mit H\u228?nden und F\u252?
\u223?en. Habe ein paarmal gegen die Wand schlagen m\u252?ssen, was guttat. Wenn
ich mich viel bewege, ist es meist schnell vorbei. Trotzdem erfordert es viel K
raft, meinen K\u246?rper zu beruhigen. Mein Gehirn und mein K\u246?rper haben no
ch Angst, aber ich rede ihnen gut zu. Ich denke, sie werden sich bald daran gew\
u246?hnen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
In mir ist es ein paar Mal sehr still geworden.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Die Dunkelheit f\u228?ngt an sich zu bewegen. Meine Augen wollen sich offenbar a
uch entleeren und spucken Farben aus. Vielleicht ein Zeichen ihrer Heilung. Wie
lange ich jetzt schon hier bin, wei\u223? ich tats\u228?chlich nicht mehr zu sch
\u228?tzen. Es m\u252?ssten vier oder f\u252?nf Tage sein. Durch das h\u228?ufig
e Liegen vergisst man die Zeit. Wahrscheinlich brauche ich noch eine Weile, um m
ich daran zu gew\u246?hnen, dass nichts passiert. Ich f\u252?hle mich komisch ve
rteilt in meinen K\u246?rper. Die Dunkelheit schluckt ihn fast. Manchmal ist er
auch eng. 100 Tage sind lang, aber ich denke, dass es eine gute Entscheidung war
. Ich bin mir sicher, es wird etwas ver\u228?ndern, ich sp\u252?re es schon. Wen
n die erste Woche geschafft ist, wird es leichter werden.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar
} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 2\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Heute habe ich sehr erstaunliche Entdeckungen gemacht: Mein Zwerchfell beginnt o
ffenbar, mit mir in Kontakt zu treten. Es zuckte und verlangte meine Aufmerksamk
eit. Ich habe es angesehen und nach und nach beruhigt und ein paarmal konnte ich
sehr tief atmen. Leider ging es schnell vorbei und ich lag wieder steif wie ein
Erw\u252?rgter.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Meine Matratze ist mir zu weich und ich lege mich h\u228?ufig auf den Teppichbod
en. Es ist sch\u246?n, dass es so warm ist.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich denke, bald mit dem Schreiben aufzuh\u246?ren. Es rei\u223?t mich aus meiner
Konzentration.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Mein Gehirn scheint es noch als eine Art Anker benutzen zu wollen, aber ich sch\
u228?tze, dass es bald Ruhe geben wird.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Mein Zeitgef\u252?hl hat sich endg\u252?ltig verabschiedet.\par\pard\plain\hyphp
ar} {
Niemals k\u246?nnte ich sch\u228?tzen, wie lange ich schon hier in meiner kleine
n Forschungsstation bin. Die Dunkelheit und die Stille nehmen einem alles. Es is
t sch\u246?n.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 3\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich glaube, ein Tier im Raum geh\u246?rt zu haben. Wahrscheinlich ist es ein Ins
ekt. Es kratzt irgendwo leise und ich habe versucht, es mit meinen H\u228?nden z
u finden. Die ersten paar Stunden habe ich mich gefreut. Dann hat es begonnen, m
ich wahnsinnig zu machen. Nichts ist dominierender als ein kleines Kratzen, wenn
es ansonsten vollkommen still ist.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich glaube, ich habe aus Versehen eine bereits beschriebene Seite \u252?berschri
eben. Wenn ich mit den Fingern dar\u252?berfahre, f\u252?hlt es sich merkw\u252?
rdig voll an. Ich muss daran denken, immer vorher mit der Hand nachzuf\u252?hlen
, ob die Seite leer ist.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich habe viel geweint. Es hat sehr gutgetan.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Kurz habe ich dar\u252?ber nachdenken m\u252?ssen, ob der Wecker, den ich auf de
n 16. April gestellt habe, wirklich an ist. Ich kann jetzt nicht mehr nachsehen
und kurz hatte ich Angst, ihn nicht gestellt zu haben.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Habe gerade eine sehr gro\u223?e Kraft gesp\u252?rt. Sie ist schon wieder weg, a
ber sie hat etwas in meinen Augen gegl\u228?ttet.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich habe mich an einer Dose mit eingelegten Pfirsichen geschnitten. Sehr dumm. A
ber ich denke, es heilt schnell, wenn ich etwas Aufmerksamkeit darauf lege. Auch
eine sch\u246?ne Aufgabe.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich werde jetzt ein paar Tage nicht mehr schreiben. Es bringt mich zu sehr durch
einander.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 4\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Habe das Tier gefunden. Es ist ein K\u228?fer. Er ist so gro\u223? wie mein Daum
ennagel. Lange war ich hin- und hergerissen, was ich tun soll. T\u246?ten werde
ich ihn nicht k\u246?nnen, aber sein Kratzen macht mich wahnsinnig. Ich habe ihn
in ein leeres Tomatenglas eingesperrt, aber nun muss ich st\u228?ndig dar\u252?
ber nachdenken, ob er sich wohlf\u252?hlt. Es ist zum Aus-der-Haut-Fahren. Warum
musste er sich in diesen Raum verirren? Warum habe ich nicht vorher alles Zenti
meter f\u252?r Zentimeter abgesucht? Er wird so oder so hier drinnen sterben. Wa
s soll ein K\u228?fer ohne Sonnenlicht 100 Tage in einem Raum machen? Er ist wah
rscheinlich bereits vollkommen verwirrt. Ich habe gro\u223?es Mitleid und gleich
zeitig bin ich sehr w\u252?tend auf ihn. Warum muss das jetzt passieren!\par\par
d\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich habe ihm etwas Essbares ins Glas geworfen und ein kleines Luftloch mit dem S
tift in den Deckel gesto\u223?en. Hoffentlich macht er keine Ger\u228?usche im G
las.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Der K\u228?fer ist still. Konnte mich endlich wieder auf mich selbst fokussieren
und bin gut vorangekommen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Es ist aussichtslos. St\u228?ndig meine ich, den K\u228?fer zu h\u246?ren, und m
eine Gedanken kreisen immer wieder darum, wie es ihm geht. Ich werde seinetwegen
noch wahnsinnig.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs
28
{\ql
TAG 5\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich habe es geschafft, eine Weile nicht an den K\u228?fer zu denken. Vielleicht
werden wir noch Freunde. Eine ganze Weile habe ich ihn verflucht, aber seit ande
rthalb Tagen geht es. Ich mag ihn, glaube ich. Wenn ich mich mit ihm verbinde, w
erde ich ruhig. Er scheint sich auch auf das Experiment einzulassen und vielleic
ht ist es gut, einen stillen Gef\u228?hrten zu haben.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\
par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 6\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Etwas Furchtbares ist geschehen! Ich bef\u252?rchte, dass der K\u228?fer gestorb
en ist. Habe ihn eine ganze Weile nicht mehr geh\u246?rt und wollte nachsehen, a
ber meine Finger haben ihn nicht gefunden. Vielleicht habe ich zu viel Essen hin
eingeworfen und ihn damit erstickt? Das w\u228?re schrecklich.\par\pard\plain\hy
phpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich glaube, ihn gefunden zu haben. Er lag auf dem Teppich. Wie er dahingekommen
ist, ist mir schleierhaft.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Es k\u246?nnte nat\u252?rlich sein, dass es ein zweiter, bereits toter K\u228?fe
r war und der echte K\u228?fer noch im Glas ist.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich traue mich aber nicht, das Glas auszusch\u252?tten, denn wenn er wieder frei
ist, macht er unter Umst\u228?nden wieder dieses kratzende Ger\u228?usch und be
im ersten Mal war es Gl\u252?ck, dass ich ihn fangen konnte. Es kann gut sein, d
ass es mir kein zweites Mal gelingt.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich h\u246?re jetzt auf, \u252?ber das Schicksal des K\u228?fers nachzudenken. W
ahrscheinlich war der tote K\u228?fer auf dem Teppich der echte.\par\pard\plain\
hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 7\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Habe das Glas doch auf dem Boden ausgesch\u252?ttet und nach dem K\u228?fer geta
stet. Ich habe ihn gefunden. Er ist auch tot. Ich bin sehr traurig.\par\pard\pla
in\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 11\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Waschen ist merkw\u252?rdig. Das Ger\u228?usch des Wassers tut ein wenig weh.\pa
r\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 16\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich denke, nun eine L\u246?sung gefunden zu haben. Endlich.\par\pard\plain\hyphp
ar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 17\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Habe mich schwer gesto\u223?en. Die Schmerzen holen mich ein wenig zur\u252?ck.
Ich denke seit langer Zeit wieder \u252?ber die Au\u223?enwelt nach und genie\u2
23?e es ein bisschen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Mittlerweile bin ich mir sicher, dass der Wecker kaputt ist oder ich vergessen h
abe, ihn zu stellen. Aber das ist egal, ich werde noch eine Weile hierbleiben. I
ch komme immer besser voran.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page
} {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 21\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Mir fehlen die Worte. Es ist unbeschreiblich.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Unfassbar.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 23\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Symmetrie wird \u252?bersch\u228?tzt.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Alles ist sanft, klar und warm, alles steht an seinem Platz, nichts braucht gefa
ngen zu werden, alles ist sch\u246?n und f\u228?llt von allein in die richtige R
eihenfolge.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 25\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Wenn man sein Hemd auszieht, hat man kein Hemd mehr an, habe ich heute gedacht.
Ich musste sehr lachen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s
2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 41\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Es ist vielleicht m\u246?glich, Trauerweiden aus der Erde zu graben und r\u252?c
kw\u228?rts wieder einzupflanzen, sodass aus den Wurzeln Bl\u228?tter wachsen un
d aus den \u196?sten Wurzeln werden. Aber warum sollte man so etwas als Baum k\u
246?nnen sollen? Wahrscheinlich weil es immer Menschen geben wird, die so etwas
mit einem machen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Die Meditationen gehen sehr gut. Im Sitzen ist es besser. Im Liegen bin ich schn
ell abgelenkt von komischen Formen und Bildern, die auf mich einst\u252?rmen.\pa
r\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 45\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Das Atmen wird endlich leichter.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\p
age } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 46\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Lass mich los. Ich warne dich!\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\pag
e } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 47\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Du bist es, worin es stattfindet. Du bist es, worin es stattfindet. Du bist es,
worin es stattfindet. Du bist es, worin es stattfindet.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}
{\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 48\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ein f\u252?r alle Mal: Lass von mir ab! Es ist genug. Mein Abstraktionsverm\u246
?gen zerteilt dich in gleichm\u228?\u223?ige W\u252?rfel aus Farbe und Klang, be
vor du Struktur sagen kannst! Dies ist ein Friedensangebot!\par\pard\plain\hyphp
ar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 49\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich bin schuld. Das wei\u223? ich jetzt.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyph
par }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 52\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Die Sonne wirft scheinbar gar keinen Schatten.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\par
d\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 53\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Warum f\u228?llt es mir so schwer zu atmen? Man sollte meinen, es w\u228?re eine
nat\u252?rliche Funktion. Aber der Mensch kann vieles nicht, was man als Tier e
igentlich k\u246?nnen m\u252?sste, und kann vieles, was man als Tier eigentlich
nicht zu k\u246?nnen braucht.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page
} {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 54\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Nun gut, es hat endlich sein Ende gefunden, die Formen sind weg. Warum ist das p
assiert? Ich habe dir vorher gesagt, du sollst es nicht mit den H\u228?nden ber\
u252?hren.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 56\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich habe gestern die L\u246?sung f\u252?r den Traum in dem Wartezimmer gesehen.\
par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Vorhin wusste ich kurz nicht, ob ich falle oder liege.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ansonsten ist es gut.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2
\afs28
{\ql
TAG 61\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich schw\u246?re, ich habe ein Klopfen geh\u246?rt.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Aber ich kann nicht beurteilen, ob das etwas bedeuten soll. Gesetzt den Fall, es
h\u228?tte tats\u228?chlich etwas zu bedeuten, h\u228?tte es seinen Sachverhalt
sicherlich offenbart. Es gibt nichts zu tun, au\u223?er zu warten.\par\pard\pla
in\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Anscheinend darf ich nichts mitf\u252?hren.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
AUGE! MEIN WORT IST GESETZ UND MEINE HAND IST DAS LICHT. DU GEH\u214?RST MIR, SO
ZEIGE AN, WAS ICH SEHEN WILL, UND STELLE DAR, WIE ES IST. DU BIST AUS MIR HERAU
SGEWACHSEN, SO SEI GEHORSAM UND VERL\u196?SSLICH\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\p
ard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 62\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Es hat schon wieder an der T\u252?r geklopft.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Warum? Ich verstehe es nicht.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page
} {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 66\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Alles Z\u246?gern ist unn\u252?tz, alles Zweifeln ist kindisch. Beginne, wenn de
r n\u228?chste Atemzug beendet ist. Du l\u228?sst los. Ich schlage auf. Nein, ic
h stehe und schreibe. Gerade fiel ich. Du hast losgelassen. Aber anscheinend hab
ich Probleme mit dem Aufschlagen. Es passiert einfach nicht. Ich stehe immer no
ch. Geradezu am\u252?sant. Dabei falle ich eindeutig. Versuchen wir es erneut, n
ur dass diesmal ich loslasse und du aufschl\u228?gst. Wir m\u252?ssen uns beeile
n. Ich lasse jetzt los. Ich lasse alles los, was vorher unter meinem Griff stand
und \u252?bergebe es nun dem Fall. Meine Hand ist offen. Ich muss nichts tragen
und ich muss nichts halten.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page
} {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 67\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich habe mich schon wieder beim \u214?ffnen an einer Dose geschnitten. So etwas
Dummes.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 68\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Mit der Knochenseite voran! Ein klaffendes, ein brennendes, ein nach Gerechtigke
it schreiendes Loch in den Kopf stechen!\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyph
par }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 69\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich werde wieder \u246?fter schreiben. Die vergangenen Wochen habe ich wohl unte
r leichten Wahnvorstellungen gelitten.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Sehr merkw\u252?rdig und ein wenig beunruhigend. Ich habe anscheinend meine Matr
atze ins Bad getragen und sie abgeduscht. Sie braucht mindestens eine Woche zum
Trocknen. Warum? Ich kann mich nur verschwommen daran erinnern, wie es abgelaufe
n ist.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Jetzt bin ich zum Gl\u252?ck wieder klar im Kopf und f\u252?hle mich sehr ausger
uht. Trotzdem glaube ich, dass es besser w\u228?re, ein wenig mehr zu schreiben
und meine Gedanken zu ordnen. Es beruhigt mich merklich.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}
{
Ich denke, ich habe das Gr\u246?bste hinter mir.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Immer \u246?fter f\u252?hle ich Weite und die meiste Zeit des Tages bin ich in e
iner angenehmen Ruhe. Ich n\u228?here mich dem Inneren der Spirale.\par\pard\pla
in\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 70\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Diesmal bin ich mir wirklich sicher, dass es geklopft hat.\par\pard\plain\hyphpa
r} {
Es besteht kein Zweifel. Ich wei\u223? \u252?berhaupt nicht, was es soll und es
erschreckt mich sehr. Zum Gl\u252?ck ist der Raum von innen abgeschlossen.\par\p
ard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 71\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Mein altes Leben scheint mir so fern. Wie konnte ich es nur leben? Alles ergibt
viel mehr Sinn, wie es jetzt ist. Wie es wohl Almas Sohn geht? Ich werde ihn \u2
46?fter besuchen, wenn ich wieder drau\u223?en bin.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\pa
r\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 72\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Heute war es wirklich schwer. Ich muss mich ordnen und habe vier Fragen:\par\par
d\plain\hyphpar} {
1: Ob?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
2: Wenn ja, warum?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
3: Wie ist darauf zu reagieren?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
4: Warst es am Ende du selbst, der geklopft hat?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\p
ard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 73\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Du musst dich mehr bewegen. Dein R\u252?cken f\u252?hlt sich gut an, aber deine
Gelenke brauchen mehr Aufmerksamkeit.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar
}{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 74\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Diesmal haben sie mich wirklich zum Lachen gebracht. Sie haben mir von einer Ver
handlung erz\u228?hlt. Das Gericht sei auf Enthauptung aus. Immer wenn man denkt
, man kennt ihre Spiele, \u252?berraschen sie einen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\p
ar\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 75\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich habe so viel gelacht wie schon lange nicht mehr.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Als ich heute eine Dose mit Pfirsichen ge\u246?ffnet habe und hineinbei\u223?en
wollte, hatte ich eine saure Gurke im Mund. Wahrscheinlich habe ich die Dosen fa
lsch sortiert. Ich habe mich sehr erschrocken und musste dann so lange lachen, d
ass ich schon fast Angst bekam, nicht mehr aufh\u246?ren zu k\u246?nnen.\par\par
d\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 76\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich glaube, ich habe heute meinen Atlaswirbel eingerenkt. Es hat ein lautes Knac
ken gegeben. Jetzt f\u252?hlt sich mein Kopf sehr leicht an. Ein unglaubliches G
ef\u252?hl. Aber es tut noch ein wenig weh.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Habe viel Sport getrieben die vergangenen Tage. Immer wieder Liegest\u252?tze un
d Spr\u252?nge. Auch habe ich heute mehrere Stunden getanzt. Ich kann mich mittl
erweile sehr lange auf einem Fleck um meine Mitte drehen und komme mit meinen Fi
ngern dabei nicht an die W\u228?nde. Es ist sch\u246?n. Mein K\u246?rper erlangt
teilweise \u252?bermenschliche Kr\u228?fte. Er gl\u252?ht f\u246?rmlich von inn
en. Auch das Atmen wird immer tiefer.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar
}{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 78\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ich habe mich gerade \u252?bergeben m\u252?ssen. Vermutlich war eine der Dosen n
icht mehr gut. Mittlerweile bin ich mir sicher, dass die 100 Tage schon l\u228?n
gst vorbei sind, aber ich m\u246?chte noch nicht hinaus. Irgendetwas h\u228?lt m
ich und ich habe auch noch nicht alles gefunden, was ich gesucht habe.\par\pard\
plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 79\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Sie haben nun allen Ernstes gesagt, dass die Verhandlung morgen beginnen w\u252?
rde und ich mich vorbereiten solle. Ich wei\u223? nicht, was sie meinen. Immer w
ieder kommen sie auf dieses Thema und langsam \u228?rgert es mich.\par\pard\plai
n\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs28
{\ql
TAG 80\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Bin in eine sehr tiefe Erfahrung gegangen. Ich bin tats\u228?chlich das, worin e
s stattfindet. Es ist wundersch\u246?n. Ich bin \u252?berw\u228?ltigt. Die Mitte
der Spirale ist nicht mehr weit. Wie frei man sich f\u252?hlen kann, wenn man s
ich nicht bewegt.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s2 \afs
28
{\ql
TAG 81\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Nahezu l\u228?cherlich: Mir ist bereits der dritte Stift abgebrochen. Ich dr\u25
2?cke manchmal zu fest auf.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Sie haben schon wieder von der Verhandlung gesprochen. Heute sei der Tag, an dem
sie stattfinde. Ich habe ihnen gesagt, dass ich das nicht mehr l\u228?nger komi
sch f\u228?nde, und sie gebeten, damit aufzuh\u246?ren, aber sie haben mich rege
lrecht bedr\u228?ngt. Sie waren sogar an der T\u252?r. Mittlerweile glaube ich a
uch, dass sie es waren, die die ganze Zeit geklopft haben, aber das haben sie im
mer wieder verneint. Nun ja. Auf jeden Fall hatte ich heute einen guten Tag. Ich
komme jetzt auch in die untersten Wirbel und meine Atmung wird sehr geschmeidig
.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Das Bewegen lief gut und ich habe viel getanzt.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Jetzt bin ich verwirrt. Gerade eben hat es ganz deutlich an der T\u252?r geklopf
t. Diesmal gibt es wirklich keinen Zweifel, ich habe sogar Stimmen geh\u246?rt.
Es ist vollkommen absurd. Ich verstehe nicht, was sie wollen. Sie reden noch imm
er von der Verhandlung und werfen mit Begriffen wie Enthauptung um sich. Es ist
wirklich zum W\u252?tendwerden. Fast h\u228?tte ich zur\u252?ckgeklopft.\par\par
d\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Lag gerade sehr lange auf dem Boden und konnte mich nicht bewegen. Merkw\u252?rd
ig.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Jetzt sind sie schon wieder da! Ich h\u246?re sie eindeutig hinter der T\u252?r
reden! Da, jetzt hat es gerade geklopft, w\u228?hrend ich geschrieben habe. Das
ist der Beweis, dass ich es mir nicht ausdenke. Wahrscheinlich wollen sie mich z
wingen zu reagieren. Ich w\u252?rde es vorziehen, nicht zu \u8211?\par\pard\plai
n\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Am 81. Tag wurde die T\u252?r aufgebrochen und drei M\u228?nner betraten den Rau
m.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Sie fassten Igor unter die Arme und zogen ihn hinaus. Igor, der schrie und um si
ch trat, wurde mit Gurten fixiert und die M\u228?nner setzten ihn in einen fahrb
aren Stuhl.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ihn durchfuhr eine schockierende Erkenntnis: All dies war keine Einbildung, sie
hatten keine Scherze getrieben.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Die Verhandlung sollte tats\u228?chlich beginnen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\
pard\hyphpar }{\page } {\s1 \afs32
{\qc
0 1 2 {\b
3} 4 5 6 7 8 9\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
{\i
{\qc
drum tanze und singe und lach\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}\pa
r\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\par\pard\hyphpar }{\page } {
Die Ger\u228?usche klangen unertr\u228?glich scharf in Igors Ohren. Er nahm die
H\u228?nde vor das Gesicht, um sich vor dem grellen Licht zu sch\u252?tzen, das
sich ihm schmerzhaft in die Augen bohrte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Sein K\u246?rper b\u228?umte sich gegen die Gurte, die um ihn geschnallt waren,
und die M\u228?nner hatten es schwer, ihn aus dem Rollstuhl auf eine Bahre zu he
ben.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Immer wieder schrie er auf und trat heftig um sich. Jemand stellte sich neben Ig
or, schob seine H\u228?nde beiseite und zog mit zwei Fingern eines seiner Augen
auf, um mit einer Taschenlampe hineinzuleuchten. Der Mann begann in einer unertr
\u228?glichen Lautst\u228?rke auf Igor einzureden, aber er schien in einer Fanta
siesprache zu sprechen, denn keins seiner Worte war Igor verst\u228?ndlich.\par\
pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor schrie ihn an, er solle ihn losbinden. Sein ganzer K\u246?rper zitterte unt
er den pl\u246?tzlich auf ihn einst\u252?rmenden Sinneseindr\u252?cken.\par\pard
\plain\hyphpar} {
Schlie\u223?lich drangen ein paar Wortfetzen der fremdartigen Sprache zu Igor hi
ndurch, die er verstehen konnte. Offenbar fragten sie ihn, ob er etwas mitf\u252
?hre. Igor konnte nicht begreifen, was er damit meinte, aber der Mann redete unn
achgiebig auf ihn ein und bedr\u228?ngte ihn immer wieder, alles abzulegen, was
zu schwer sei, um es mitzuf\u252?hren. Igor sch\u252?ttelte ungl\u228?ubig den K
opf und schrie immer, dass er nicht verstehe.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Nach einer Weile verschwand der Mann neben ihm. Igor riss seinen Kopf hin und he
r, konnte aber niemanden mehr sehen oder h\u246?ren. Zitternd lag er in den Gurt
en und \u252?berlegte, warum es so war, wie es war. Hatte er etwas Falsches geta
n? Hatte er sich schuldig gemacht? Irgendeine Begr\u252?ndung musste ihr Verhalt
en ja haben. Vielleicht waren sie im Recht? Vielleicht war eine Verhandlung tats
\u228?chlich n\u246?tig? Nein, dies musste ein Traum sein. Wie h\u228?tten sie i
hn finden sollen? Unter keinen Umst\u228?nden war dies eine reale Situation. Zwe
i M\u228?nner traten in sein Blickfeld. Freundlich stellten sie vorsichtige Frag
en, die er allesamt nicht verstand. Sie tupften mit einem kalten Lappen \u252?be
r Igors \u252?berhitztes Gesicht und boten ihm etwas zu trinken an. Igor schloss
den Mund. Er wusste, dass er nichts zu sich nehmen durfte, was sie ihm anboten.
Es k\u246?nnte vergiftet sein oder Schlafmittel beinhalten. Er musste wach blei
ben, um einen Moment abzupassen, in dem er fliehen konnte. So freundlich sie war
en, so sicher war er sich, dass sie nichts Gutes im Schilde f\u252?hrten. Igor z
uckte zusammen, als zwei M\u228?nner unter einem lauten metallischen Klacken ein
e schwere schwarze T\u252?r vor ihm \u246?ffneten. In der Ferne h\u246?rte er Me
nschen schreien.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Die Bahre, auf der er lag, wurde in Bewegung gesetzt und Igor wurde in einen rie
sigen \u252?berf\u252?llten Gerichtssaal geschoben.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Sie fuhren ihn an den Rand eines Balkons und Igor sah hinab auf eine mit dem Aug
e kaum mehr erfassbare Menge von Menschen. Der Saal war fast vollkommen dunkel,
lediglich ein paar kleine Lichter an den Ausg\u228?ngen lie\u223?en erahnen, von
welchem gigantischen Ausma\u223? er war.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Seine Bahre wurde von den M\u228?nnern, die ihn herausgeschoben hatten, so aufge
richtet, dass er, von den Gurten gehalten, aufrecht vor der Br\u252?stung des Ba
lkons stand.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Die Menge war eine einzige rasende Welle, die sich im Wind ihrer eigenen Schreie
aufb\u228?umte und zur\u252?ck in sich zusammenfiel, nur um immer wieder hausho
ch hinauszuschie\u223?en, sich selbst \u252?berschlagend, niederbrechend, die Zu
ngen zerrei\u223?end, die F\u228?uste ballend, spuckend, tretend und fremdartige
Worte schreiend. Ein sch\u228?umendes Meer aus unbegreiflicher Wut.\par\pard\pl
ain\hyphpar} {
Igor blickte fassungslos hinab auf das Schauspiel, das sich ihm bot, und sch\u25
2?ttelte immer wieder ungl\u228?ubig den Kopf. Dies konnte nicht sein, dachte er
. Wie sehr mussten sie ihn hassen!\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\u187?Enthauptung!\u171?, riefen sie. Wie war das alles m\u246?glich? War es weg
en des K\u228?fers?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er wollte zur\u252?ck in seinen dunklen Raum. Kaum verstand man, was sie riefen,
aber sie schrien immer weiter auf ihn ein, sie schrien und schrien und schrien
ihn an und br\u252?llten ihn nieder mit ihren kr\u228?chzenden Stimmen.\par\pard
\plain\hyphpar} {
Auch auf der anderen Seite war ein Balkon, auch dort standen M\u228?nner und auc
h sie blickten zu ihm. Einer war auf einer Empore. Wahrscheinlich war das sein R
ichter.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor schloss die Augen. Ein langer, ohrenbet\u228?ubender Ton aus einem Horn ers
challte durch den Gerichtssaal, und die Menge verstummte. Er sah ihre Augen nich
t, aber sp\u252?rte ihre Blicke. Es wurde still.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er blinzelte und sah in den Augenwinkeln, wie ein Mann neben ihm etwas schrie, w
as er nicht verstand; und als der Mann ruckartig seinen Arm hob, setzte ein ents
etzlicher Chor aus Menschenstimmen ein:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
ERSCHAFFER DES DREIECKS, ERGR\u220?NDER DER STABILIT\u196?T UND SIEGER \u220?BER
DIE FORMEN,\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
SCH\u220?TZE UND SEGNE DEN MANN, DER UNS SEINEN WILLEN UND SEINE HAND F\u220?R U
NSER HEIL ZU LEIHEN WEISS!\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
M\u214?GE SEIN ARM STARK UND SEIN AUGE SCHARF SEIN!\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
M\u214?GE SEIN GEIST DAS GESCHW\u220?R UNSERER GESELLSCHAFT FINDEN UND HERAUSSCH
NEIDEN, UM ES DEM FEUER SEINER STRAFE ZU \u220?BERGEBEN.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}
{
NIEDER MIT DEM NEID, DER L\u220?GE, DEM VERRAT!\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
NIEDER MIT SEINEN FR\u220?CHTEN, TOD SEINEN VERTRETERN!\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}
{
TOD DEM MANN, DER UNSEREN FRIEDEN FRISST UND AUF UNSERE FREIHEIT SPUCKT, DER UNS
ERE GESETZE BRICHT UND MIT DEN WERTEN UNSERES VOLKES SPIELT!\par\pard\plain\hyph
par} {
TOD DEM FEIND DES DREIECKS!\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Es wurde wieder still, ein Murmeln ging durch die Menge und alle starrten gebann
t auf Igor.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Lange geschah nichts. Er \u246?ffnete die Augen und starrte in den dunklen Raum.
Still stand das Volk und wartete. Auch die M\u228?nner auf dem anderen Balkon b
lickten gespannt zu Igor. Die M\u228?nner neben ihm wurden nerv\u246?s. Sie blic
kten ihn an, als w\u252?rden sie eine Antwort erwarten.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar}
{
Igor erblasste unter der erschreckenden Erkenntnis, die sich in ihm ausbreitete.
\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Zitternd hob er den Kopf und schaute zu den M\u228?nnern auf dem anderen Podest.
Einer von ihnen war eingewickelt in Mullbinden und lag in einer Konstruktion, \
u252?ber der eine gro\u223?e Klinge montiert war.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Du lagst falsch, Igor. Du bist nicht hier, um zu sterben.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar
} {
Du bist nicht hier, um gerichtet zu werden.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Du bist hier, um zu richten.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Der Mann, der den Arm gehoben hatte, stellte sich nun dicht neben ihn und stie\u
223? ihn an.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\u187?Das Volk von K erwartet Ihr Urteil.\u171?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Die Menge war still und schaute hinauf.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Zwei Helfer hatten eine Art Trichter vor Igors Gesicht geschoben, in den er wohl
hineinsprechen sollte.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igors Geist drohte unter dem Gewicht der Ereignisse zusammenzubrechen. Er konnte
keinen logischen Schluss mehr ziehen. Weder vermochte er seine Augen zu \u246?f
fnen noch seine Stimme zu erheben. Mit aller Macht versuchte er sich zu sammeln
und durch das Geschehen hindurchzublicken.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Dies musste ein Trugbild sein. Es gab keine andere Erkl\u228?rung. Er dachte an
den Raum, in dem er bis eben noch gesessen hatte, und zeichnete ihn in seiner Er
innerung nach. Er beschloss, dass der Raum sein wahrer Aufenthaltsort war und al
les andere nur Schein. Ein Farbenspiel, welches aus einer tiefen \u220?berreizth
eit aufgestiegen war, um ihn zu testen. Er musste es aufl\u246?sen wie einen Sal
zstein in einem Wasserbad. Der wirkliche Sachverhalt musste sein, dass er noch i
mmer in einem warmen dunklen Raum sa\u223? und einem Fiebertraum erlegen war. Ig
or wurde still und sp\u252?rte die k\u252?hle Luft auf seinem Gesicht. All seine
Konzentration w\u252?rde er aufwenden m\u252?ssen, um dieses Trugbild zu zersch
lagen. Er besann sich auf seinen K\u246?rper und f\u252?hlte, dass er noch immer
auf der Matratze lag. Vielleicht war er krank? Oft war es vorgekommen, dass sei
n Geist in der langen Dunkelheit Spiele mit ihm trieb. Jedes von ihnen ging irge
ndwann vorbei. Er lachte. \u187?Es wird wohl Zeit, den Raum zu verlassen, Igor\u
171?, sagte er zu sich selbst. \u187?Ein sch\u246?nes Experiment war das und vie
le Erkenntnisse hat es dir verschafft. Doch nun ist der richtige Moment, um aufz
ustehen, zu duschen, noch etwas zu essen und dann langsam ein paar Sonnenstrahle
n in dein dunkles Versteck zu lassen. Deine Augen werden schmerzen, aber es wird
gut sein. Es ist genug. Du bist m\u252?de. Wach auf!\u171?\par\pard\plain\hyphp
ar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor \u246?ffnete die Augen und blickte in den dunklen Raum. Er blinzelte und er
kannte ein paar schwache Lichter. Nach und nach wurde seine Sicht wieder scharf
und er sah vor sich das nerv\u246?se Volk von K stehen. Igor musste den Blick ab
wenden und sah hin\u252?ber zu dem Mann, der auf dem anderen Podest stand und de
ssen Kopf in einer Vorrichtung steckte, die mit einer hochgezogenen Klinge verse
hen war. Igor wollte die Augen schlie\u223?en, doch es gelang ihm nicht mehr. Da
s Haupt des Mannes, der in der Vorrichtung steckte, war nichts weiter als ein ko
pfgro\u223?er Augapfel.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Der Mann, der neben Igor stand, war noch immer nerv\u246?s und fl\u252?sterte ih
m eindringlich zu, dass er doch endlich beginnen solle. Gern h\u228?tte Igor die
H\u228?nde vor das Gesicht genommen, doch die Arme waren zu schwer.\par\pard\pl
ain\hyphpar} {
Nach Minuten der Verzweiflung erhob er die Stimme und sprach leise in den Tricht
er: \u187?Ich habe keinen Richtspruch.\u171?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Das Auge: Der optische Apparat des Auges entwirft ein seitenverkehrtes und umged
rehtes Bild, das in der Netzhaut von den Z\u228?pfchen und den St\u228?bchen wah
rgenommen wird. Die hier entstandenen Impulse werden von den Sehnerven zum Gehir
n geleitet, und erst dort erscheint das Bild aufrecht und seitenrichtig.\par\par
d\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Das Volk br\u252?llte aufgebracht. Die M\u228?nner zogen Igor hektisch vom Balko
n und schoben ihn laut fluchend in einen Gang. Sie rollten ihn \u252?ber den gre
llen Flur und stie\u223?en ihn in einen Raum, in dem sie ein Verh\u246?r beganne
n. Viele Fragen schrien sie ihm aufgeregt entgegen, von denen Igor keine einzige
verstand. Immer wieder sch\u252?ttelte er den Kopf und gab sich keine M\u252?he
mehr, eine angemessene Reaktion zu finden. Er konzentrierte sich darauf, bewuss
tlos zu werden. Nach einer f\u252?r ihn unermesslich langen Zeit hievten sie ihn
von seiner Bahre auf eine andere fahrbare Konstruktion und zogen ihn durch eine
n schmalen Tunnel. Er bekam nur noch Bruchst\u252?cke des Geschehens mit und wur
de erst wieder klar, als sie ihn durch eine Luke ins Freie hoben. Das Sonnenlich
t blendete ihn noch st\u228?rker als das Licht der Lampen. Die M\u228?nner legte
n ihn gefesselt in ein Boot und stie\u223?en ihn einen Fluss hinab.\par\pard\pla
in\hyphpar} {
Igor beschloss, nicht mehr zu reagieren, bis er irgendwann in seinem Raum aufwac
hen w\u252?rde. Er lie\u223? sich treiben und blickte starr nach oben in den vor
\u252?berziehenden Himmel. Zitternd betrachtete er die spiralenf\u246?rmigen Wol
ken, bis die Nacht hereinbrach und er einschlief.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ein lauter Knall lie\u223? ihn hochfahren.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor sah sich um und erblickte sein Boot, das an einem steinigen Ufer zerschellt
war. Wasser drang in das Innere und Igor sprang auf, um sich ans Ufer zu retten
. Er stolperte und fiel b\u228?uchlings auf die Steine. Die Gurte, die ihn gefes
selt hielten, rissen auf und er wand sich aus ihnen hervor.\par\pard\plain\hyphp
ar} {
Benommen und ein wenig au\u223?er Atem, setzte er sich auf den Boden und strich
vorsichtig mit den Fingern durch die Splitter des Bootes. Nirgendwo sah man Anze
ichen f\u252?r Zivilisation. Fliegen landeten auf seinem R\u252?cken, ein paar W
indb\u246?en zogen \u252?ber das hohe Schilf. Sonst war es still.\par\pard\plain
\hyphpar} {
Igor sch\u252?ttelte ein paarmal den Kopf und versuchte, die Augen geschlossen z
u halten. Er dachte, wenn er das Ganze nur lange genug nicht akzeptierte, m\u252
?sste es sich aufl\u246?sen. Nachdem er eine Weile geschwiegen hatte, hielt er e
s nicht mehr aus und sagte leise: \u187?So.\u171?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Mehr fiel ihm nicht ein und er beschloss, dass es sinnvoll w\u228?re, noch ein w
enig genauer \u252?ber alles nachzudenken. \u187?Worum k\u246?nnte es sich hande
ln?\u171?, rief er laut aus. Der Fluss glitt still vor sich hin und Igor h\u246?
rte ein paar Bienen summen. \u187?Hat es eine Veranlassung?\u171?, rief er noch
einmal laut. Nerv\u246?s strich er mit den Fingern \u252?ber das hohe Schilf, da
s an der B\u246?schung wuchs. Kurz entschlossen stand er auf und setzte sich wie
der hin. Er brach einen Stock ab und malte kleine Kreise in den Sand. Er wusste,
dass er irgendetwas vergessen haben musste. Aber sosehr er sich bem\u252?hte, e
r konnte sich nicht daran erinnern, was es war. Er fl\u252?sterte ein zitterndes
\u187?Tja\u171?.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Im Sand vor ihm stand:\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
1 + 1 = 1\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor starrte die Gleichung an.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Anscheinend hatte er sie geschrieben.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er dachte dar\u252?ber nach und tastete abwesend nach den Splittern des Bootes.\
par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
1 + 1 = 1\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Verwirrt scheuchte er Fliegen beiseite und stierte auf den Fluss. Still ist es h
ier, dachte er. Wie tief das Wasser wohl ist, was es wohl alles unter sich begr\
u228?bt? Er verwischte die Gleichung, ohne hinzusehen, mit dem Fu\u223?.\par\par
d\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
1 + 1 = 1\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Sie lie\u223? sich nicht entfernen. Wieder etwas, dem einfach keine Veranlassung
abzuringen war.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\u187?Ich stehe auf und laufe umher\u171?, sagte er laut, als wollte er es jeman
dem mitteilen. Bevor er ging, verwischte er die in den Sand geschriebene Gleichu
ng abermals mit dem Fu\u223?. Sie machte ihm Angst.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
1 + 1 = 1\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Nach ein paar Schritten kehrte er zur\u252?ck.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Bevor er denken konnte, musste er sich diesem Problem widmen. Es macht ihn nerv\
u246?s. F\u252?gen wir der Eins also etwas hinzu, dachte er. Sie konnte, wenn si
e zu sich selbst addiert wurde, unm\u246?glich eine Eins bleiben. Besser, er sch
rieb es in den Sand. Igor verwischte die Eins und schrieb eine Zwei an ihre Stel
le. Zu seinem gro\u223?en Erschrecken malte seine Hand aber wiederum nur eine Ei
ns.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er glaubte, sich vertan zu haben, und zog immer wieder Linien in den Sand, von d
enen er meinte, dass sie eine Zwei darstellen m\u252?ssten, wurde jedoch immer u
nsicherer, wie man sie schrieb. Schlie\u223?lich warf er fahrig den Stock weg un
d versuchte aufzustehen.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er stolperte und \u252?bergab sich in einen Strauch.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
1 + 1 = 1\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor schlug mit der Faust auf den Waldboden.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\u187?Welt! Genug! Bitte, nimm mich in dir auf! Ich kann nicht mehr!\u171?\par\p
ard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ein Fink setzte sich in die N\u228?he und pfiff: \u187?Du kannst nicht von der W
elt erwarten, dass sie dich aufnimmt. Du bist es, der die Welt aufnehmen muss.\u
171?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor reagierte nicht und malte immer wieder Striche, die er f\u252?r Zweien hiel
t. Der Fink setzte sich auf einen Ast direkt neben ihm und sprach eindringlich:
\u187?Lade sie zu dir ein, bewirte sie! Erst dann wird die Welt auch dich in sic
h aufnehmen. Du musst deine Tore \u246?ffnen und die Welt festlich empfangen. Tu
es. Tu es jetzt.\u171?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Ein zweiter Fink setzte sich dazu. \u187?Er hat recht! Schau! So tue ich es! Sei
willkommen, Welt!\u171?, pfiff er mit geschwellter Brust. \u187?Nimm Platz in m
ir. Lange habe ich mich vor dir verschlossen, lange wollte ich dich nicht in mir
, doch nun wei\u223? ich um deinen Wert. Verzeihe den Hochmut meiner fr\u252?hen
Jahre. Verzeih, dass ich dachte, ich brauche dich nicht. Ich wei\u223?, ich wol
lte dir meinen Willen aufzwingen. Doch nun sehe ich, dass ich nur mit dir und ni
cht gegen dich sein kann. Mein Finkgefieder verdanke ich dir und auch meine Stim
me, um dar\u252?ber zu berichten, wie sehr ich es wertsch\u228?tze, ein Fink zu
sein. Verzeihe auch, dass ich erst in meiner schlimmsten Stunde zu dir sprach, u
m dich einzuladen und um Freundschaft zu bitten. Nicht im Angesicht deiner Sch\u
246?nheit habe ich mich entschlossen, dich zu bewirten, sondern im Angesicht mei
ner H\u228?sslichkeit. Verzeihe meine Blindheit, meine Dummheit und meine Selbst
gerechtigkeit. Verzeihe all die Jahre meiner Verschlossenheit. Ich war ein schle
chter Fink. Doch nun bitte ich dich zu Tisch. Spucke nicht auf meine Teller, den
n sie sind aus grobem Holz. Verschm\u228?he nicht mein Mahl, sei es auch fad und
kalt. Mein Zimmer ist klein und der Wind und die Ratten teilen es mit mir. Wenn
die Zeit reif ist, wirst du mich lehren, die Ratten zu fangen und die Fenster z
u kitten. Doch bevor es so weit ist, empfange meine Gastfreundschaft und verschm
\u228?he sie nicht, denn mir ist kalt und ich lobpreise dich mit der letzten W\u
228?rme, die noch in mir steckt.\u171?\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Drei Kerzen rollten vorbei und schmolzen in den Sand hinein.\par\pard\plain\hyph
par} {
Igor, der nie gelernt hatte, mit Tieren zu sprechen, verstand kein Wort des Fink
s und rieb nur abwesend seine trockenen Lippen aneinander.\par\pard\plain\hyphpa
r} {
Fieberhaft war er darin vertieft, sich zu erinnern, wie man eine Zwei zeichnete.
Es konnte nicht sein, dass er es vergessen hatte; mit aller Gewalt versuchte er
, das Bild der Zwei in seinem zerr\u252?tteten Geist erscheinen zu lassen, und m
it einem Mal tauchte sie vor ihm auf. Eindeutig. Ihr stabiler Fu\u223? und ihr s
chwanengleicher Hals strahlten in ergreifender Sch\u246?nheit vor seinem inneren
Auge. Was f\u252?r eine ehrw\u252?rdige Zahl! Wie stabil und gleichzeitig zart!
Was f\u252?r ein karger Geselle die Eins dagegen war. Die Zwei war die stille u
nd bescheidene K\u246?nigin der Ziffern. Es war eindeutig. Igor war es zuvor nic
ht aufgefallen, doch nun, wo er sie in seinem Geist erscheinen sah, verblassten
alle anderen Zahlen zu einfachen Zeichen. Euphorisch machte er sich daran, die G
leichung zu bereinigen. Wenigstens dieses R\u228?tsel w\u252?rde nicht ungel\u24
6?st bleiben. Zu viel Chaos war schon durch ihn hindurchgeflossen. Diesmal w\u25
2?rde er nicht eher aufstehen, bis er es zur Korrektur gezwungen hatte. Mit bebe
nden Fingern schrieb er in den Sand.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
2 + 1 = 1\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\~\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor stand auf und setzte sich wieder hin. Er erhob sich erneut, ging ein paar S
chritte in den Wald hinein und lie\u223? sich auf den Boden fallen. Dann drehte
er sich um, blickte zu der B\u246?schung, an der er eben noch gesessen hatte, st
and auf, setzte sich, stand wieder auf und rannte in den Wald.\par\pard\plain\hy
phpar} {
Die V\u246?gel schauten besorgt und flogen ihm nach.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
\u187?Lade sie ein, lade sie ein!\u171?, sangen sie dabei.\par\pard\plain\hyphpa
r} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor war tief in den Wald gerannt, stumm und ohne Ziel. \u187?Zwei\u171?, sagte
er immer wieder zu sich selbst.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Er hielt inne und betrachtete eine hohe und schmale Birke, die sich sanft im Win
d bog. \u187?Ja!\u171?, sagte er leise zur Krone des Baumes hinauf. Dann ging er
weiter und drehte sich nicht mehr um. V\u246?gel und Getier kreuzten seinen Weg
. \u187?Nein\u171?, sagte er im Vorbeigehen zu ihnen und sch\u252?ttelte unabl\u
228?ssig den Kopf.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Als die Nacht hereinbrach, wurde es kalt und er fror. Er rieb die H\u228?nde ane
inander und suchte nach einem Unterschlupf. Dabei folgte er den Dingen, von dene
n er dachte, dass sie Wege darstellen sollten, und ahnte l\u228?ngst, dass es ke
ine Wege mehr gab.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Igor verbrachte die Nacht in einer Erdw\u246?lbung. Es gab keinen praktischen Gr
und, diesen Ort dem \u252?brigen Gel\u228?nde vorzuziehen, au\u223?er dem Gef\u2
52?hl einer unsichtbaren Abgrenzung.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Nachdem er erwacht war, verbrachte er viel Zeit mit Herumlaufen, Laut-zu-sich-Sp
rechen, Meditieren und dem Hin- und Herw\u228?lzen auf Lichtungen.\par\pard\plai
n\hyphpar} {\qc

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\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {
Am n\u228?chsten Morgen ergriff Igor eine zerm\u252?rbende Ungeduld. Er schrie,
schlug um sich, warf sich gegen einen Baum, hielt ihn fest, versuchte, ihn zu sc
h\u252?tteln, rannte weiter, st\u252?rzte zu Boden, riss Grasnarben heraus, rieb
seinen Kopf damit ein, riss schreiend Arme und Beine auseinander, fiel in sich
zusammen, rollte umher, schlug und spuckte in die Luft, rannte gegen einen Baum,
trat ihn, fasste nach einem Ast, zog sich hoch, lie\u223? sich fallen, griff de
n linken Arm, versuchte, ihn herauszurei\u223?en, lachte, sprang auf, setzte sic
h hin, blieb sitzen, fiel um, h\u246?rte auf zu atmen, schrie mit dem Kopf im Na
cken, br\u252?llte, w\u252?rgte, schlug mit der Faust in den Himmel und vergrub
sein Gesicht in der Erde, und sprang und sprang und sprang, bis seine Lunge wund
und seine Beine m\u252?de waren.\par\pard\plain\hyphpar} {\qc

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